Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank! Helloooo!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Man: I can't just say good morning Hank.
John: Julie.
Julie: Yes?
John: Will you say good morning Hank?
Julie: I'm gonna make good morning Hank above 700 librarians?
John: Will you say, will you just-
Julie: Good morning Hank.
(in room) Not above 700 librarians, Hank, but along side with them.
700 librarians: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
That was a pretty great good morning Hank! Hank a lot of great things happened at the American Library Association Conference this weekend and if you're wondering why you're looking at this very strange shot instead of any of those great things, like me hanging out with Judy Blume or me going to a lot of fun parties, it's because I accidentally taped over all that stuff with 30 minutes of this stuff.
(inside) GAAAAAHHHHH (hits head) Stupid! Fortunately you will get to listen to me harangue a reader.
John: Are you a dumper?
Girl: No.
John: You're only friends cause he wants you back.
Girl: No, it was mutual actually.
John: It's never mutual.
(in room) In fact, pretty much the only things that I have footage of are: Nerdfighter Cynthia Lord winning the Newbery Honor for her book, Rules. And the Printz Award reception on Monday night.
Speaker: When I returned from mid-winter in Seattle, I was urged to check out the Brotherhood 2.0 website. (crowd laughs and applauds) Where John had a video blog of our phone call. It was fun to see his happy dance over the good news. I tuned in again the next day to see John's brother, Hank, toast him with 'here's to silver medals, to not quite doing as good as you did last time?'
(in room) Hank, the ALA convention is always fun, but this one was particularly fun because it was so Hank-tastic! Everywhere I went people were like, hey you're Hank Green's brother! And I was like, yeah, I also write books and they were like, right but you're Hank Green's brother! Four different people asked me if I knew your phone number. And I was like, he's my brother. Yes. I know his phone number. And they said, can I have it? And I said, No! People kept telling me how cute you are and how funny you are and how much they like you. So, Hank, if you like young adult literature so much I would encourage you to write so of it, because you're bound to be an instant hit.
All the Printz speeches were great, Markus Zusak, Tobin Anderson, Gene Yang, and Sonya Hartnett all were wonderful. I dunno how I did, but here's the funniest snippet, I'll let you judge.
John (at awards): People still think of librarians as these shy, retiring, flowers. When ever I hear someone stereotype a librarian like that, I always counter their story with a true one of my own. This is entirely true. I say that last year, at a librarian conference in New Orleans I learnt how hard librarians party during an evening of casual gambling when I happened across a librarian passed out drunk, sprawled across the lounge carpet of Harry's Casino. Spilled drink in one hand, and a promising first novel in the other. (laughter and applause)
Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label An Abundance of Katherines. Show all posts
Showing posts with label An Abundance of Katherines. Show all posts
Sunday, November 7
Saturday, November 6
Brotherhood 2.0: June 22: The Senator
Good morning Hank, it's Friday, June 22nd, you'll never guess where I am, unless you guess an airport, in which case, you guess right. I'm always in airports! Hank, the day before yesterday I moved to Indianapolis, Indiana. And today I'm moving to Washington, D.C. Fortunately this move is only for five days. I'm going to the American Library Association's Annual Conference, which is, like, the librarian conference for the entire year. It's huge! Don't worry I will be reporting back on Tuesday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.
Thursday, November 4
Brotherhood 2.0: May 18: How to Write a Book Proposal
Good morning Hank, it's Friday, May 18th, the day that I leave for my trip to the Netherlands. The Yeti and I are going to the Netherlands to support my new novel, 19 Kier Katherine, which I'm sure I'm pronouncing extraordinarily well. I'm really excited about my trip to the Netherlands; I was supposed to go in March, but I got the orbital cellulitis so I couldn't, but now we are definitely going, unless I get orbital cellulitis again. Hank, this means that possibly I'll get to meet some brotherhood 2.0 viewers who live in the Netherlands, cross your fingers, maybe even Toobias! Too-bee-as..? Too-bye-as? Hmmm. I'm not very good at pronunciation. Speaking of pronunciation, Hank, it may seem like you pretty well schooled me on the pronunciation of wikipedia. I mean, you certainly have a lot of fact-based evidence to support your assertion that wikipedia is supposed to be pronounced wickypedia or whatever. I can't even pronounce it the way you pronounce it, my tongue doesn't make those movements. I may not have facts on my side, Hank, but I still think I'm right, that's the American way. And, really, what kind of evidence do you have? I mean, you have wikipedia, a known fraudulent source, and you have a girl robot voice saying wickypedia. Big deal. I can get a girl robot voice to say it my way. Sarah! Sarah?
The Yeti (off camera): Yeah?
Can you come in here? Can you say wikipedia in a robot voice? Come on, wikipedia in a robot voice.
The Yeti: Wikipedia.
In a robot voice!
The Yeti: Wi-ki-pedia.
See? Girl robot voice saying wikipedia. Checkmate. Speaking of wikipedia, I'm trying, I don't know if you know this but your wikipedia entry has been - oh, dammit - I don't know if you know this, but your wi-kee-pedia entry has been the subject of repeated acts of vandalism. Many people have changed your wikipedia entry to say, quote, "he is a gay". But one person went further than that, and said a lot of truly offensive things that I can't repeat on this vlog because of the sensitive ears of our younger listeners. I would, however, like to share with you a couple of quick sentences from the vandalism. Quote: "Both him and his brother John and gay" Period. Ummm, do you mean "both he and his brother John are gay"? Because if you're gonna vandalise wikipedia, you should do it with some reverence for the English language. The next sentence reads "John Greens wife is a trans" Period. There's no apostrophe in the Green's, by the way.
Commenter Misu, or My-zu, or Mitsu, I don't know how to pronounce anything, says "I don't care about how you actually go about making a fiction book proposal, all I care about is that you make the proposal using puppets." MisuMyzuMitsu, I can't necessarily make the proposal using puppets, but I can tell Hank about how to make a fiction book proposal using puppets.
Okay, Hank, today we have playing the role of my lovely editor, Julie Strauss-Gable: Mr. Argyle.
Julie Puppet: Hey, how are you guys? Good to see you again. Okay.
And playing the role of me, we have our old friend, Oobie.
John Puppet: Hey fellas. Okay, uhh, okay Julie. We're just gonna start out by talking a little bit about a fiction book proposal.
Julie Puppet: Umm, you're not doing a very good job of moving your hands right when you talk.
John Puppet: I know, I know, I'm not.. um, I'm not a puppeteer.
Julie Puppet: My husband is a puppeteer.
John Puppet: I know. But I couldn't get him on such short notice, because, um, we're going to the Netherlands. Can we just- Can we just get on with the thing?
Julie Puppet: Yeah yeah yeah, very rarely do you see a first novel sell on a proposal, they almost always have to have the finished manuscript.
John Puppet: Right. I finished the manuscript of Looking for Alaska.
Julie Puppet: Yeah, but then when it came time for you to create an Abundance of Katherines, I said why don't you send me a proposal? And you were like-
John Puppet: I don't know what a proposal is, I'm just a little Oobie!
Julie Puppet: Exactly. And I told you that a proposal is basic-
Sorry puppet fans, I'm gonna run out of time. Hank, basically all you need is a plot summary, a list of the characters and then sample chapters so they know what the book is actually about and is gonna sound like. Alright, I really gotta go to the airport, Hank. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
The Yeti: Did uhhh, you say happy birthday Katherine?
Happy birthday Katherine!
The Yeti (off camera): Yeah?
Can you come in here? Can you say wikipedia in a robot voice? Come on, wikipedia in a robot voice.
The Yeti: Wikipedia.
In a robot voice!
The Yeti: Wi-ki-pedia.
See? Girl robot voice saying wikipedia. Checkmate. Speaking of wikipedia, I'm trying, I don't know if you know this but your wikipedia entry has been - oh, dammit - I don't know if you know this, but your wi-kee-pedia entry has been the subject of repeated acts of vandalism. Many people have changed your wikipedia entry to say, quote, "he is a gay". But one person went further than that, and said a lot of truly offensive things that I can't repeat on this vlog because of the sensitive ears of our younger listeners. I would, however, like to share with you a couple of quick sentences from the vandalism. Quote: "Both him and his brother John and gay" Period. Ummm, do you mean "both he and his brother John are gay"? Because if you're gonna vandalise wikipedia, you should do it with some reverence for the English language. The next sentence reads "John Greens wife is a trans" Period. There's no apostrophe in the Green's, by the way.
Commenter Misu, or My-zu, or Mitsu, I don't know how to pronounce anything, says "I don't care about how you actually go about making a fiction book proposal, all I care about is that you make the proposal using puppets." MisuMyzuMitsu, I can't necessarily make the proposal using puppets, but I can tell Hank about how to make a fiction book proposal using puppets.
Okay, Hank, today we have playing the role of my lovely editor, Julie Strauss-Gable: Mr. Argyle.
Julie Puppet: Hey, how are you guys? Good to see you again. Okay.
And playing the role of me, we have our old friend, Oobie.
John Puppet: Hey fellas. Okay, uhh, okay Julie. We're just gonna start out by talking a little bit about a fiction book proposal.
Julie Puppet: Umm, you're not doing a very good job of moving your hands right when you talk.
John Puppet: I know, I know, I'm not.. um, I'm not a puppeteer.
Julie Puppet: My husband is a puppeteer.
John Puppet: I know. But I couldn't get him on such short notice, because, um, we're going to the Netherlands. Can we just- Can we just get on with the thing?
Julie Puppet: Yeah yeah yeah, very rarely do you see a first novel sell on a proposal, they almost always have to have the finished manuscript.
John Puppet: Right. I finished the manuscript of Looking for Alaska.
Julie Puppet: Yeah, but then when it came time for you to create an Abundance of Katherines, I said why don't you send me a proposal? And you were like-
John Puppet: I don't know what a proposal is, I'm just a little Oobie!
Julie Puppet: Exactly. And I told you that a proposal is basic-
Sorry puppet fans, I'm gonna run out of time. Hank, basically all you need is a plot summary, a list of the characters and then sample chapters so they know what the book is actually about and is gonna sound like. Alright, I really gotta go to the airport, Hank. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
The Yeti: Did uhhh, you say happy birthday Katherine?
Happy birthday Katherine!
Brotherhood 2.0: May 14: The Evil Baby Orphanage
3 librarians: Good morning Hank!
(shows business card cube) Hank look what the, uh, librarians in Baltimore did. It's Monday, May 14th. Hank, your video on Friday prompted an intense discussion in the comment section of brotherhood2.com.
The specific question at hand: whether or not the Nerdfighters should build a time machine and go back in time and kill Baby Hitler. Hank, when it comes to Baby Hitler killing, people tend to fall into one of two camps. The first camp says, we shouldn't kill the Baby Hitler, he's just a baby, he's not even evil yet, he hasn't killed anyone. The other camp of people say, are you crazy? What the hell are you talking about? We need to go back in time and kill Baby Hitler! I tend to side with those people. I have to say Hank, there's just something about killing the Baby Hitler that appeals to me.
Hank, it seemed that the two camps, pro-Baby Hitler killing and anti-Baby Hitler killing, would never be able to reconcile. And that there would be a split among the Nerdfighters that could possibly lead to a Nerdfighter civil war! But then along came commenter Brooke, who suggested The Evil Baby Orphanage.
OH! MY! GOD!
Hank, The Evil Baby Orphanage is such a good idea; I don't understand how no one thought of it before! The idea is simple. We go back in time, and we don’t kill all the evil babies, we just take them out of their crappy homes and then we take them to like a mountain in Tibet or something where we raise them up to be heroic Nerdfighter babies! Hank, something has to be done with this Evil Baby Orphanage idea, but I don’t know what to do with it. Hopefully you or someone else will have good ideas.
In other news: Hank, I would like to read to you from a deleted portion of the Wikipedia entry for An Abundance of Katherines. "The novel start with James Lloyd, an un-charismatic young actor who is considering leaving behind his career in London and moving to America. By moving he also hopes to leave behind Katherine, a girl he has long had feelings for but who repeatedly turned him down. While his career grows in strength, he begins to cautiously experiment in homosexuality with some of the other cast members of the film he is working on." Hank, uh, that sounds like a fairly good book, but it doesn't sound like the book I wrote.
Hank after I discovered this entirely fictional and extremely odd plot summary of An Abundance of Katherines, I started to look around Wikipedia for more information about you and about me. And, you know what I found? Not much! In fact, Hank, the entry in the lonelygirl15 Wikipedia about me is more informative in many ways than the entry in the actual Wikipedia. But you know what's even worse than the fictional Wikipedia entry about An Abundance of Katherines? The fact that there is no entry whatsoever about Hank Green! Can you believe it?! Wikipedia has never even tried to fathom the inky blue depths of Hank Green's genius! Hank, that is not acceptable. And with the help of the Nerdfighters, I'm gonna do something about it! We're making you a Wikipedia entry because you've earned it big guy. And hopefully also some people will improve the entries for me and for Looking for Alaska and for An Abundance of Katherines.
That's what Wikipedia is all about. It's about brothers creating Wikipedia entries for brothers. Right? Isn't that what it's about? Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hank I don't know if you realized this but in the last week we've raised more than 300 dollars for Randy's family. And we'll be collecting donations all this week.
(shows business card cube) Hank look what the, uh, librarians in Baltimore did. It's Monday, May 14th. Hank, your video on Friday prompted an intense discussion in the comment section of brotherhood2.com.
The specific question at hand: whether or not the Nerdfighters should build a time machine and go back in time and kill Baby Hitler. Hank, when it comes to Baby Hitler killing, people tend to fall into one of two camps. The first camp says, we shouldn't kill the Baby Hitler, he's just a baby, he's not even evil yet, he hasn't killed anyone. The other camp of people say, are you crazy? What the hell are you talking about? We need to go back in time and kill Baby Hitler! I tend to side with those people. I have to say Hank, there's just something about killing the Baby Hitler that appeals to me.
Hank, it seemed that the two camps, pro-Baby Hitler killing and anti-Baby Hitler killing, would never be able to reconcile. And that there would be a split among the Nerdfighters that could possibly lead to a Nerdfighter civil war! But then along came commenter Brooke, who suggested The Evil Baby Orphanage.
OH! MY! GOD!
Hank, The Evil Baby Orphanage is such a good idea; I don't understand how no one thought of it before! The idea is simple. We go back in time, and we don’t kill all the evil babies, we just take them out of their crappy homes and then we take them to like a mountain in Tibet or something where we raise them up to be heroic Nerdfighter babies! Hank, something has to be done with this Evil Baby Orphanage idea, but I don’t know what to do with it. Hopefully you or someone else will have good ideas.
In other news: Hank, I would like to read to you from a deleted portion of the Wikipedia entry for An Abundance of Katherines. "The novel start with James Lloyd, an un-charismatic young actor who is considering leaving behind his career in London and moving to America. By moving he also hopes to leave behind Katherine, a girl he has long had feelings for but who repeatedly turned him down. While his career grows in strength, he begins to cautiously experiment in homosexuality with some of the other cast members of the film he is working on." Hank, uh, that sounds like a fairly good book, but it doesn't sound like the book I wrote.
Hank after I discovered this entirely fictional and extremely odd plot summary of An Abundance of Katherines, I started to look around Wikipedia for more information about you and about me. And, you know what I found? Not much! In fact, Hank, the entry in the lonelygirl15 Wikipedia about me is more informative in many ways than the entry in the actual Wikipedia. But you know what's even worse than the fictional Wikipedia entry about An Abundance of Katherines? The fact that there is no entry whatsoever about Hank Green! Can you believe it?! Wikipedia has never even tried to fathom the inky blue depths of Hank Green's genius! Hank, that is not acceptable. And with the help of the Nerdfighters, I'm gonna do something about it! We're making you a Wikipedia entry because you've earned it big guy. And hopefully also some people will improve the entries for me and for Looking for Alaska and for An Abundance of Katherines.
That's what Wikipedia is all about. It's about brothers creating Wikipedia entries for brothers. Right? Isn't that what it's about? Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hank I don't know if you realized this but in the last week we've raised more than 300 dollars for Randy's family. And we'll be collecting donations all this week.
Wednesday, November 3
Brotherhood 2.0: April 30: Hellos from Los Angeles
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, April 30th. A lot of people wanted to say hi to you this weekend, so I let em.
Tobin Anderson: Hey there Hank, umm, this time I'm not hanging from a fire escape being chased by police, so this is really an improvement.
Cecil Castellucci: Hi Hank, how are you?
John: Say Hi, Coe.
Coe Booth: Hi Coe
Sonya Sones: Good morning Hank
Dana Reinhardt: Good morning Hank
Julie Strauss-Gabel: Hi Hank!
T. Cooper: Good morning Hank (eats fruit)
Now that my editor and a bunch of other authors have said hello to you, I have a surprise.
Francesca: Good morning Hank, and good morning Kelly, this is Francesca, hi. Have a really good day.
Hank, that was Francesca Lia Block, the author of Weetzie Bat, a book I know you like, and I know I like, and I also know that Brotherhood2.0 viewer Kelly likes. Speaking of Francesca Lia Block, Judy Blume might have just been knocked out of my Guilt Free Three. And now for our final introduction:
Coe: Rootsy Hank, I think you're really cute, and I know you're married already, but-
Hank, as you mentioned in your video last week, it was totally massively illegal for me to try to record the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes on video, so I had to do it really surreptitiously, and as you can see I did a really wonderful job with the camera work (shot of ceiling) I don't like to brag, but if they give out a Los Angeles Times Book Prize for the best bootleg recording of the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes, I am definitely going to win.
(more footage) So first Jackie Woodson, the presenter, introduced each of the five finalists: The Rules of Survival, Tyrell, The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, An Abundance of Katherines, and Just in Case. And then came the moment we'd all been waiting for, and by we I mean the thirty people in the audience who care about Young Adult literature.
(in footage)
announcer: Coe Booth.
John: Yaaaay!
Coe: It is my hope that it will fall into the hands of those kids who really do not see themselves represented in literature often.
(back in bed) And my hope also. Congratulations, Coe.
Moving on. Hank, I have a challenge for you. The Yeti and I have both been singing the Helen Hunt song pretty much non stop for the last five days. I wanna give you a brief sense of what it's like to be at our house right now:
(shot of home) aren't you nervous about trying to find a house?
The Yeti: God, so nervous.
John: (sigh, sings) Helen Hunt Helen Hunt
(in bed) Anyway Hank we sing the song constantly. We can't get it out of our heads. The only problem is that we can't quite sing it in key because it seems to have been written in the key of awesome. And so Hank, that brings me to my challenge. I would like to challenge you to make more songs! Lots more! But what I need right now is for you to write a song that will replace the Helen Hunt song because it's starting to burn a hole in my head.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh hey, Hank, by the way, you know what's funnier than dogs in New York? (shot of dog in sundress) That's right. Dogs in Los Angeles. Look at it, Hank! It's a chihuahua that seems to be married to a 19th century plantation owner!
Tobin Anderson: Hey there Hank, umm, this time I'm not hanging from a fire escape being chased by police, so this is really an improvement.
Cecil Castellucci: Hi Hank, how are you?
John: Say Hi, Coe.
Coe Booth: Hi Coe
Sonya Sones: Good morning Hank
Dana Reinhardt: Good morning Hank
Julie Strauss-Gabel: Hi Hank!
T. Cooper: Good morning Hank (eats fruit)
Now that my editor and a bunch of other authors have said hello to you, I have a surprise.
Francesca: Good morning Hank, and good morning Kelly, this is Francesca, hi. Have a really good day.
Hank, that was Francesca Lia Block, the author of Weetzie Bat, a book I know you like, and I know I like, and I also know that Brotherhood2.0 viewer Kelly likes. Speaking of Francesca Lia Block, Judy Blume might have just been knocked out of my Guilt Free Three. And now for our final introduction:
Coe: Rootsy Hank, I think you're really cute, and I know you're married already, but-
Hank, as you mentioned in your video last week, it was totally massively illegal for me to try to record the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes on video, so I had to do it really surreptitiously, and as you can see I did a really wonderful job with the camera work (shot of ceiling) I don't like to brag, but if they give out a Los Angeles Times Book Prize for the best bootleg recording of the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes, I am definitely going to win.
(more footage) So first Jackie Woodson, the presenter, introduced each of the five finalists: The Rules of Survival, Tyrell, The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, An Abundance of Katherines, and Just in Case. And then came the moment we'd all been waiting for, and by we I mean the thirty people in the audience who care about Young Adult literature.
(in footage)
announcer: Coe Booth.
John: Yaaaay!
Coe: It is my hope that it will fall into the hands of those kids who really do not see themselves represented in literature often.
(back in bed) And my hope also. Congratulations, Coe.
Moving on. Hank, I have a challenge for you. The Yeti and I have both been singing the Helen Hunt song pretty much non stop for the last five days. I wanna give you a brief sense of what it's like to be at our house right now:
(shot of home) aren't you nervous about trying to find a house?
The Yeti: God, so nervous.
John: (sigh, sings) Helen Hunt Helen Hunt
(in bed) Anyway Hank we sing the song constantly. We can't get it out of our heads. The only problem is that we can't quite sing it in key because it seems to have been written in the key of awesome. And so Hank, that brings me to my challenge. I would like to challenge you to make more songs! Lots more! But what I need right now is for you to write a song that will replace the Helen Hunt song because it's starting to burn a hole in my head.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh hey, Hank, by the way, you know what's funnier than dogs in New York? (shot of dog in sundress) That's right. Dogs in Los Angeles. Look at it, Hank! It's a chihuahua that seems to be married to a 19th century plantation owner!
Brotherhood 2.0: April 26: Hollywood Meetings
(shot of torso clapping, kneels down) Hank, that's your standing ovation for the Helen Hunt song.
(at beach) Good morning, Hank, it's Thursday April 26th. The Pacific Ocean is behind me and Los Angeles is in front of me. (inside) Hank it's been a day of crazy Hollywood meetings. And so I thought I'd give you a quick run through of everything that's happened. First my agent and I were walking down the beach in Los Angeles when we came across this sculpture (shot of sculpture) and I was like, what is that a sculpture of? It sure looks like a sculpture of something dirty! And then I walked around it and uh- it's the Virgin Mary. Weird!
(show of yellow car parked obnoxiously) Mission for the Nerdfighters: find this guy (License plate says SHEERAZ) (in car) statistical chances I don't like that guy? 100%. (shot of red hummer, middle finger) Hank this is the most important meeting I have today, it's with people who might want to turn An Abundance of Katherines into a movie. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have eaten a whole barbeque chicken pizza about twelve minutes ago over the course of about 48 seconds. (burps)
Hank do you remember when you were in, like, eighth grade and it occurred to you for the first time that there were people who might actually like you and be willing to be your friend, and how exciting that was? It seems to me that everyone in Los Angeles is stuck in eighth grade. They're still so excited about the chance that somebody, somewhere might like them. Oh my God, I like you so much! I like you too, you're great! I love you, you look great in that!
(techno plays) Also Hank, everywhere you go there are speakers like this pointed outside playing music like that. (camera dances to beat)
OK, Hank, it's time for the meeting. Here we are outside the building. I'm gonna show you what it looks like, real quick. They're very very welcoming. Check it out Hank (shot of room filled with frames and birdhouses) It's like the opposite of Los Angeles. I mean you have to say, per square inch, it contains more items than any other place I've ever been inside of. I'm remind a little bit of my college girlfriend Marie Ponzillo, who's parents had the largest Santa Claus collection on the East Coast. You know what I keep thinking? Mom would be so happy here. (shot of room) I mean to Mom? This would be like, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. She would just be so happy.
Hank I have great news! I can see into the future (shot of fortune telling toy)
Toy: Ask me what's on your mind.
John: Here's my question for Madam See More, is it ever gonna happen between Hank and Helen Hunt?
Toy: My crystal ball says: Highly doubtful. Ask me what's on your mind.
John: Umm, would I do a good job writing the Abundance of Katherines screenplay?
Toy: Psychic energy suggests: it's not in the stars.
John: Dang.
Toy: I am thinking it over, absolutely, positively, definitely.
John: But, you just told me no.
Toy: The wisdom of the ages tells me: ask me again later
(back in room) So anyway Hank, the meeting ended up going really well, Madam See More be damned. See you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood2.0 logo) P.S. any Nerdfighters wanna participate in a top secret project? Email me at John@sparksflyup.com
(at beach) Good morning, Hank, it's Thursday April 26th. The Pacific Ocean is behind me and Los Angeles is in front of me. (inside) Hank it's been a day of crazy Hollywood meetings. And so I thought I'd give you a quick run through of everything that's happened. First my agent and I were walking down the beach in Los Angeles when we came across this sculpture (shot of sculpture) and I was like, what is that a sculpture of? It sure looks like a sculpture of something dirty! And then I walked around it and uh- it's the Virgin Mary. Weird!
(show of yellow car parked obnoxiously) Mission for the Nerdfighters: find this guy (License plate says SHEERAZ) (in car) statistical chances I don't like that guy? 100%. (shot of red hummer, middle finger) Hank this is the most important meeting I have today, it's with people who might want to turn An Abundance of Katherines into a movie. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have eaten a whole barbeque chicken pizza about twelve minutes ago over the course of about 48 seconds. (burps)
Hank do you remember when you were in, like, eighth grade and it occurred to you for the first time that there were people who might actually like you and be willing to be your friend, and how exciting that was? It seems to me that everyone in Los Angeles is stuck in eighth grade. They're still so excited about the chance that somebody, somewhere might like them. Oh my God, I like you so much! I like you too, you're great! I love you, you look great in that!
(techno plays) Also Hank, everywhere you go there are speakers like this pointed outside playing music like that. (camera dances to beat)
OK, Hank, it's time for the meeting. Here we are outside the building. I'm gonna show you what it looks like, real quick. They're very very welcoming. Check it out Hank (shot of room filled with frames and birdhouses) It's like the opposite of Los Angeles. I mean you have to say, per square inch, it contains more items than any other place I've ever been inside of. I'm remind a little bit of my college girlfriend Marie Ponzillo, who's parents had the largest Santa Claus collection on the East Coast. You know what I keep thinking? Mom would be so happy here. (shot of room) I mean to Mom? This would be like, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. She would just be so happy.
Hank I have great news! I can see into the future (shot of fortune telling toy)
Toy: Ask me what's on your mind.
John: Here's my question for Madam See More, is it ever gonna happen between Hank and Helen Hunt?
Toy: My crystal ball says: Highly doubtful. Ask me what's on your mind.
John: Umm, would I do a good job writing the Abundance of Katherines screenplay?
Toy: Psychic energy suggests: it's not in the stars.
John: Dang.
Toy: I am thinking it over, absolutely, positively, definitely.
John: But, you just told me no.
Toy: The wisdom of the ages tells me: ask me again later
(back in room) So anyway Hank, the meeting ended up going really well, Madam See More be damned. See you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood2.0 logo) P.S. any Nerdfighters wanna participate in a top secret project? Email me at John@sparksflyup.com
Tuesday, November 2
Brotherhood 2.0: March 21st: Put Stuff on Your Head
(squinting his left eye due to a case of pink eye) Good morning, Hank. It’s Wednesday, March 21st. I assume you don’t want to look at my eye for the next three minutes, so let’s find something else to do. First, we’re gonna look at these beautiful pictures that the guide shot inside the abandoned cathedral, I mean theatre, in Detroit. (another picture) They do a much better job showing what it’s like to be inside than the video does. (another picture) Thanks to the guide at snweb.org for these pictures.
And finally, Hank, I’ve been thinking of what you should do when you’ve had a long day that’s kind of been bad, and your eye hurts, and it’s weepy and gross and no one wants to be near you and everyone looks at you funny. And it seems to me that the answer is simple. You just take stuff…
(with a box of Shredded Spoonfuls over his head) And you put it on your head! Wait, where’s the camera…where am I? Put it on your head!
(singing)
(with a green laptop case on head) When you’re sad and you’ve got pink-eye,
(a blue and while bowl) the world seems rough and suck levels are high,
(a pair of tan argyle socks) just remember there’s one thing that you can do.
(a copy of An Abundance of Katherines) And it always works, too.
(a map of Manhattan) You’ve gotta put stuff on your head, put stuff on your head.
(a blue tote bag) Well, it can be blue
(a red pair of shorts) or it can be red.
(a copy of mental_floss) The color doesn’t matter if it’s on your head!
(a picture of Woody Guthrie) Attach a photo of Woody right on to your mellon,
(a Christmas stocking with a reindeer) or affix a Christmas stocking to your cerebellum.
The only rule of thumb is don’t use a plastic bag…‘cause that could go really wrong.
(the blue tote bag) You gotta put stuff on your head, put stuff on your head.
Well, it could be blue
(the top of a Scrabble box) or it could be red.
(the Christmas stocking) The color doesn’t matter if it’s on your head! Thank you New York!
What’s on your head?
(the red shorts) Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
And finally, Hank, I’ve been thinking of what you should do when you’ve had a long day that’s kind of been bad, and your eye hurts, and it’s weepy and gross and no one wants to be near you and everyone looks at you funny. And it seems to me that the answer is simple. You just take stuff…
(with a box of Shredded Spoonfuls over his head) And you put it on your head! Wait, where’s the camera…where am I? Put it on your head!
(singing)
(with a green laptop case on head) When you’re sad and you’ve got pink-eye,
(a blue and while bowl) the world seems rough and suck levels are high,
(a pair of tan argyle socks) just remember there’s one thing that you can do.
(a copy of An Abundance of Katherines) And it always works, too.
(a map of Manhattan) You’ve gotta put stuff on your head, put stuff on your head.
(a blue tote bag) Well, it can be blue
(a red pair of shorts) or it can be red.
(a copy of mental_floss) The color doesn’t matter if it’s on your head!
(a picture of Woody Guthrie) Attach a photo of Woody right on to your mellon,
(a Christmas stocking with a reindeer) or affix a Christmas stocking to your cerebellum.
The only rule of thumb is don’t use a plastic bag…‘cause that could go really wrong.
(the blue tote bag) You gotta put stuff on your head, put stuff on your head.
Well, it could be blue
(the top of a Scrabble box) or it could be red.
(the Christmas stocking) The color doesn’t matter if it’s on your head! Thank you New York!
What’s on your head?
(the red shorts) Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: January 23rd
(Hank is sitting on a black couch in front of a fireplace with a wine glass full of liquid and a coat on.)
Good morning John. It's Tuesday, January 23rd. (Blows on drink in glass) If you're wondering why I'm blowing on my wine, it's because its tea. But I needed something that I could toast with. Congratulations on your Printz nomination. I wasn't excited enough, I need to be more excited about that. (Does Happy Dance) (Toasts) To the Printz Award! To An Abundance of Katherines! To Katherines! There's one sitting right here. She's waving. To silver metals! To not quite doing as good as you did the last time!
Sorry, that was kinda mean.
So I was in a bookstore today and the lady came up to me and said, you're John Green's brother. Oh-Ho!
So it turns out that I'm famous now. Well, she might very well be your biggest fan. She has a section of her bookstore devoted entirely to you. In fact, there are several sections in her book store devoted entirely to you. Well they're all kind of small. She had heard you won the Printz Prize. (Does Happy Dance) I don't know what you're gonna do with all of them man. You're just rackin' 'em up. What do you do with two Printz Awards? Do you actually get a thing? Do you get, like, a statue? (high pitched voice) eh congratulations! Or do you just, ya know, every single one of your books get a sticker on it. Which is cool. I like the sticker, I think the sticker is good. Or do you just get more money? Do they give you more money? Is there any, ya know, reward?
Now there's something that I wanted to talk to you about. When you recieved the information that you were getting the Printz Award, one of the things that you did not do, was your Happy Dance. Is your Happy Dance actually your Happy Dance? Or are you just trying to entertain us? Because if you're just trying to entertain us, then this thing isn't real, man, and it has to be real! Or you know, it could be fake. We could start faking things, and that might be interesting. For example, I generally sit by the fire, with a glass of wine... in my girlfriend's coat...
Katherine: Girlfriend?
Hank: Girlfriend (laughs) Yes...girlfriend's coat. We aren't married 'cause this is fake time. I'm lying about things. Obviously. So I was recently at your friend Maureen Johnson's blog. She discussed a long conversation which you and Johnson and Lockheart had, concerning the suffix, "in your pants." It turns out that every book title, becomes better when you add "in your pants" to the end of the title. I'm going to go around this lovely cabin and find books.
The Dance of the Dissident Daugher in Your Pants! Present Moment, Wonderful Moment in Your Pants. Stumbling on Happiness in Your Pants. The Left Hand of Darkness in Your Pants. The Student Bible in Your Pants.
(Shows Hank's torso and pants. opens coat, undoes fly, pulls The Student Bible out of his pants)
(back to Hank) Yeah... So...I'll see you tomorrow.
And I know that you don't personally know this, but Katherines in your pants is actually quite a nice thing. I don't know about an abundance of Katherines... I promise, I don't. But one Katherine in my pants... is quite nice.
Good morning John. It's Tuesday, January 23rd. (Blows on drink in glass) If you're wondering why I'm blowing on my wine, it's because its tea. But I needed something that I could toast with. Congratulations on your Printz nomination. I wasn't excited enough, I need to be more excited about that. (Does Happy Dance) (Toasts) To the Printz Award! To An Abundance of Katherines! To Katherines! There's one sitting right here. She's waving. To silver metals! To not quite doing as good as you did the last time!
Sorry, that was kinda mean.
So I was in a bookstore today and the lady came up to me and said, you're John Green's brother. Oh-Ho!
So it turns out that I'm famous now. Well, she might very well be your biggest fan. She has a section of her bookstore devoted entirely to you. In fact, there are several sections in her book store devoted entirely to you. Well they're all kind of small. She had heard you won the Printz Prize. (Does Happy Dance) I don't know what you're gonna do with all of them man. You're just rackin' 'em up. What do you do with two Printz Awards? Do you actually get a thing? Do you get, like, a statue? (high pitched voice) eh congratulations! Or do you just, ya know, every single one of your books get a sticker on it. Which is cool. I like the sticker, I think the sticker is good. Or do you just get more money? Do they give you more money? Is there any, ya know, reward?
Now there's something that I wanted to talk to you about. When you recieved the information that you were getting the Printz Award, one of the things that you did not do, was your Happy Dance. Is your Happy Dance actually your Happy Dance? Or are you just trying to entertain us? Because if you're just trying to entertain us, then this thing isn't real, man, and it has to be real! Or you know, it could be fake. We could start faking things, and that might be interesting. For example, I generally sit by the fire, with a glass of wine... in my girlfriend's coat...
Katherine: Girlfriend?
Hank: Girlfriend (laughs) Yes...girlfriend's coat. We aren't married 'cause this is fake time. I'm lying about things. Obviously. So I was recently at your friend Maureen Johnson's blog. She discussed a long conversation which you and Johnson and Lockheart had, concerning the suffix, "in your pants." It turns out that every book title, becomes better when you add "in your pants" to the end of the title. I'm going to go around this lovely cabin and find books.
The Dance of the Dissident Daugher in Your Pants! Present Moment, Wonderful Moment in Your Pants. Stumbling on Happiness in Your Pants. The Left Hand of Darkness in Your Pants. The Student Bible in Your Pants.
(Shows Hank's torso and pants. opens coat, undoes fly, pulls The Student Bible out of his pants)
(back to Hank) Yeah... So...I'll see you tomorrow.
And I know that you don't personally know this, but Katherines in your pants is actually quite a nice thing. I don't know about an abundance of Katherines... I promise, I don't. But one Katherine in my pants... is quite nice.
Brotherhood 2.0, January 22, 2007
(Shot of John's shirt with the words: Haikus are easy/ But sometimes they don't make sense/ Refrigerator)
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, January 22nd. Thank you for this shirt. I love this shirt, and it is also an excellent motivator to continue losing weight. (whispers) It's a little tight!
(cut to John's face) Seriously it's my favorite shirt out of all the shirts I have ever owned. I was planning on starting the survey today, but unfortunately that's gonna have to wait until Wednesday. Hank, as you know I write books for teenagers, and the biggest award in the world of books for teenagers is this thing called the Printz Award, which is given out every year for literary excellence. Last night I received a call from the Printz Committee saying that my new book, An Abundance of Katherines, has been awarded a Printz honor for 2007. So, that was nice and really really unexpected.
Sarah didn't pick up the camera right when they called, but she picked it up shortly after. As a bonus you are about to hear the voice of the Yeti.
(cut to shot of John on phone) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, are you serious? Really? (pause) Hahahaha! They keep saying, they keep saying we're fucking serious. (The Yeti and John laugh) I can't believe it! Oh my God! Really? Wow! Wow! (pause with hand over mouth and shaking head) Oh my God, guys, I cannot, I can't believe this. Thank you guys so much, tha- thi- Wow. (happy jumping)
The Yeti: This is John's real Happy Dance.
(John no longer on phone) I'm just, like, all flustered. (dialing) I hope they're home.
The Yeti: They have phones.
John: I don't want to leave it in a message.
The Yeti: Yeah don't leave a message.
John: Hi it's John, Katherines got a Printz Honor, Katherines is one of the runners up for the Printz Awards, it gets the silver medal on it. I know! No, I'm serious. I can't believe it. Yeah, it's funny, we're recording it for the video blog, so it'll be hilarious on the blog. No I'm not shitting you, I I I am also, I am also surprised. (laughs) Oh my God, I can't believe it. Ah. No the committee, yeah the committee called me, they were very nice. They wouldn't tell me who won, though. Yeah, I can't believe it, so, pretty, pretty amazing, so yeah.
(Cut back to John not on phone) And finally Hank, I'd like to say thank you for the lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady John Green song, which is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me in my whole entire life. And by nice, I mean hilariously mean. Why is it I equate niceness and hilarious meanness? Oh, right, it's from growing up in our family. I'll see you tomorrow.
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, January 22nd. Thank you for this shirt. I love this shirt, and it is also an excellent motivator to continue losing weight. (whispers) It's a little tight!
(cut to John's face) Seriously it's my favorite shirt out of all the shirts I have ever owned. I was planning on starting the survey today, but unfortunately that's gonna have to wait until Wednesday. Hank, as you know I write books for teenagers, and the biggest award in the world of books for teenagers is this thing called the Printz Award, which is given out every year for literary excellence. Last night I received a call from the Printz Committee saying that my new book, An Abundance of Katherines, has been awarded a Printz honor for 2007. So, that was nice and really really unexpected.
Sarah didn't pick up the camera right when they called, but she picked it up shortly after. As a bonus you are about to hear the voice of the Yeti.
(cut to shot of John on phone) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, are you serious? Really? (pause) Hahahaha! They keep saying, they keep saying we're fucking serious. (The Yeti and John laugh) I can't believe it! Oh my God! Really? Wow! Wow! (pause with hand over mouth and shaking head) Oh my God, guys, I cannot, I can't believe this. Thank you guys so much, tha- thi- Wow. (happy jumping)
The Yeti: This is John's real Happy Dance.
(John no longer on phone) I'm just, like, all flustered. (dialing) I hope they're home.
The Yeti: They have phones.
John: I don't want to leave it in a message.
The Yeti: Yeah don't leave a message.
John: Hi it's John, Katherines got a Printz Honor, Katherines is one of the runners up for the Printz Awards, it gets the silver medal on it. I know! No, I'm serious. I can't believe it. Yeah, it's funny, we're recording it for the video blog, so it'll be hilarious on the blog. No I'm not shitting you, I I I am also, I am also surprised. (laughs) Oh my God, I can't believe it. Ah. No the committee, yeah the committee called me, they were very nice. They wouldn't tell me who won, though. Yeah, I can't believe it, so, pretty, pretty amazing, so yeah.
(Cut back to John not on phone) And finally Hank, I'd like to say thank you for the lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady John Green song, which is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me in my whole entire life. And by nice, I mean hilariously mean. Why is it I equate niceness and hilarious meanness? Oh, right, it's from growing up in our family. I'll see you tomorrow.
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