(Shots of Hank sitting atop various bulldog statues, each a different size and color) Hi John! Hi John! Hi John! Hi John! Hi John! This is making my balls cold! Hi John! Howdy Johnny-boy! Hi… John… I guess? Good morning, John! It’s Wednesday, January 31st.
(Hank in living room) The University of Georgia’s mascot is a bulldog, so they covered the town of Athens with bulldogs, and I covered their bulldogs with myself. That’s a pretty normal thing to do on a Tuesday evening, isn’t it? In keeping with the tradition of movie magic-ing, that was actually not filmed today, nor was it filmed yesterday. It was filmed on the day of my last video, but I had already filmed the intro for that day in Ashville, so I had to use that day’s footage for today’s intro. So I’m not actually in Athens anymore, I’m in Orlando, Florida. Welcome to Orlando, where everything sucks. Okay, not everything sucks or else I wouldn’t be here, right? So the people, some of them, are very cool.
John Green, as you are playing the Nintendo Wii, I can only assume that you have finished your first draft of your book. Because there is no way you’re gonna finish your first draft of your book after you get a Wii. Very exciting news that you finished your first draft of the as-yet-unnamed third book of John Green, and also very good news that you have a Wii, which leads me to the punishment. Someone suggested that you send me your Wii as punishment, ohohoh, yeah! But, I am not that much of a jerk. So, getting down to business, I have to come up with a punishment, and I got a lot of them to choose from. Some people are calling you a standup citizen for agreeing to do the punishment before I told you to do the punishment. But you called me on the phone and tried to convince me that it wasn’t a punishable offense that you sent me that e-mail. I just wanted to set the record straight on that one. Now the e-mail wasn’t really a personal communication, so I can see why maybe a little bit there’s some leeway there, so I’m not gonna give you the worst punishments possible. In fact, I think I’m gonna give you a choice. And I honestly don’t know which one you will choose, but you have to do one of the two following things: Grow your facial hair for a week, and then wax your chin, or fill a large bowl with Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, and then watch it melt. Additionally, I agree with the majority of our commenters that in my pants is funnier than in your pants when it comes to Everyone Poops. Everyone Poops in My Pants is a sad story, whereas Everyone Poops in Your Pants is funny story. And I think our viewers will agree with me when I say that funny stories about poop aren’t as funny as sad stories about poop. And I am waiting in great anticipation for the picture book Everyone Poops in My Pants.
John Green, I will see you tomorrow.
(Cut to Brotherhood 2.0 sign) (Cut back to Hank)
Another Brotherhood 2.0 special feature is upon us, and this one is slightly disturbing. You might want to cover up the kiddies’ eyes, I’m not doing what it looks like I’m doing to this bulldog.
(Cut to Hank riding a small bulldog) Katherine: Ride it! (Music plays has Hank bounces on statue)
Katherine (to bulldog): How do you feel about what’s just happened to you? That wasn’t very comfortable, was it?
No comments:
Post a Comment