Writing group: Good morning, Hank. It’s Wednesday, April 4th.
John: Hank, I think Maureen Johnson has a special message for you.
Maureen: Hi, Hank. Um, I…what is my special message? Just that I…I think you’re great, and the Hummer thing…do the Hummer thing. And let me tell you why! Let me tell you why! Did you not…? Hank is gonna take a Hummer for a ride and tell the whole world why Hummers suck. (two thumbs up) “H” for Hank; “H” for Hummer. This won’t be in it. It will be, like, one second of my face and then back to John talking about himself.
John: Back to me talking about myself. Hank, several weeks ago commenter Peter asked to see what it’s like when I’m working. So I thought I’d show you that. So, Hank, today we’re writing in a hotel room. (out the window to city scape) Look how pretty it is. Hank, I write a lot with my friends Maureen Johnson and Scott Westerfeld. (close-up of his face) God, that is a big zit. Today we were joined by Justine Larbalestier and Lauren McLaughlin. (a stuffed monkey sits beside a laptop) And Maureen Johnson’s pet monkey.
Mostly I sit and look at the computer. (everyone just sits, staring at their computers and typing) See, it’s a non-stop thrill ride! You just saw me write, like, three new sentences in my novel, all of which I will eventually delete, I’m sure. Then after awhile I put stuff in my eye. And then, inevitably, we start talking. John: Anything but my bald spot.
Maureen: The Scott Westerfeld story. [laughter]
John: What the…? Anything but My Bald Spot: The Scott Westerfeld story? This is the best possible title for the unauthorized biography I will write of you.
Maureen: Yeah, what…what’s everybody’s…uh, what’s…what’s yours?
Justine or Lauren (whoever’s holding the camera): Didn’t we have one for John earlier?
Maureen: I thought we had one for you earlier. Guys, do I look small?
John: Is it possible to have ankle cancer? The Japanese woman…
(back to just John) Then we work for awhile. (they sit around working) And then we talk again.
Scott: Can I ask you guys something?
All: Yeah.
Scott: Can…so, can a floodlight have a beam?
John: Like, instead of a cone?
Maureen: Or a skirt.
Scott: Well…I mean…this…if you have insects dancing in the light being shed by something…
John: In the beam of the light.
Scott: The beam of a light…but it’s a floodlight, so it’s not-
John: So it’s not a beam. It’s more of a cone, or a skirt
Scott: More of a cone.
Maureen: But don’t…
John: But you can’t have…you can’t have…you can’t have him dancing in a skirt of the light. Like…the cone could be…
Scott: It’s true…in the hem of the floodlight.
John: The hem of the floodlight! The hem of the floodlight skirt. That’s nice; that’s not too awkward.
Scott: How ‘bout the skirt of light coming from the floodlight?
Maureen: Do you really need these bugs?
Scott: No.
(later)
Maureen: I’m like Princess Diana: not afraid to touch the lepers, you know? I’ll sit…I’ll sit close to you.
(later)
John: Funkypenguin402 asks, “What will the Looking for Alaska movie be rated?” Here’s a more important question: When will the Looking for Alaska movie be made?
Scott: What will John Green be paid for the Looking for Alaska movie?
Scott: When will principal photography start?
John: (by himself) So, Hank, that’s how I spend my days writing. God, it’s not even a zit so much as it’s a character flaw. Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
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