Good morning Hank, it's Friday, May 18th, the day that I leave for my trip to the Netherlands. The Yeti and I are going to the Netherlands to support my new novel, 19 Kier Katherine, which I'm sure I'm pronouncing extraordinarily well. I'm really excited about my trip to the Netherlands; I was supposed to go in March, but I got the orbital cellulitis so I couldn't, but now we are definitely going, unless I get orbital cellulitis again. Hank, this means that possibly I'll get to meet some brotherhood 2.0 viewers who live in the Netherlands, cross your fingers, maybe even Toobias! Too-bee-as..? Too-bye-as? Hmmm. I'm not very good at pronunciation. Speaking of pronunciation, Hank, it may seem like you pretty well schooled me on the pronunciation of wikipedia. I mean, you certainly have a lot of fact-based evidence to support your assertion that wikipedia is supposed to be pronounced wickypedia or whatever. I can't even pronounce it the way you pronounce it, my tongue doesn't make those movements. I may not have facts on my side, Hank, but I still think I'm right, that's the American way. And, really, what kind of evidence do you have? I mean, you have wikipedia, a known fraudulent source, and you have a girl robot voice saying wickypedia. Big deal. I can get a girl robot voice to say it my way. Sarah! Sarah?
The Yeti (off camera): Yeah?
Can you come in here? Can you say wikipedia in a robot voice? Come on, wikipedia in a robot voice.
The Yeti: Wikipedia.
In a robot voice!
The Yeti: Wi-ki-pedia.
See? Girl robot voice saying wikipedia. Checkmate. Speaking of wikipedia, I'm trying, I don't know if you know this but your wikipedia entry has been - oh, dammit - I don't know if you know this, but your wi-kee-pedia entry has been the subject of repeated acts of vandalism. Many people have changed your wikipedia entry to say, quote, "he is a gay". But one person went further than that, and said a lot of truly offensive things that I can't repeat on this vlog because of the sensitive ears of our younger listeners. I would, however, like to share with you a couple of quick sentences from the vandalism. Quote: "Both him and his brother John and gay" Period. Ummm, do you mean "both he and his brother John are gay"? Because if you're gonna vandalise wikipedia, you should do it with some reverence for the English language. The next sentence reads "John Greens wife is a trans" Period. There's no apostrophe in the Green's, by the way.
Commenter Misu, or My-zu, or Mitsu, I don't know how to pronounce anything, says "I don't care about how you actually go about making a fiction book proposal, all I care about is that you make the proposal using puppets." MisuMyzuMitsu, I can't necessarily make the proposal using puppets, but I can tell Hank about how to make a fiction book proposal using puppets.
Okay, Hank, today we have playing the role of my lovely editor, Julie Strauss-Gable: Mr. Argyle.
Julie Puppet: Hey, how are you guys? Good to see you again. Okay.
And playing the role of me, we have our old friend, Oobie.
John Puppet: Hey fellas. Okay, uhh, okay Julie. We're just gonna start out by talking a little bit about a fiction book proposal.
Julie Puppet: Umm, you're not doing a very good job of moving your hands right when you talk.
John Puppet: I know, I know, I'm not.. um, I'm not a puppeteer.
Julie Puppet: My husband is a puppeteer.
John Puppet: I know. But I couldn't get him on such short notice, because, um, we're going to the Netherlands. Can we just- Can we just get on with the thing?
Julie Puppet: Yeah yeah yeah, very rarely do you see a first novel sell on a proposal, they almost always have to have the finished manuscript.
John Puppet: Right. I finished the manuscript of Looking for Alaska.
Julie Puppet: Yeah, but then when it came time for you to create an Abundance of Katherines, I said why don't you send me a proposal? And you were like-
John Puppet: I don't know what a proposal is, I'm just a little Oobie!
Julie Puppet: Exactly. And I told you that a proposal is basic-
Sorry puppet fans, I'm gonna run out of time. Hank, basically all you need is a plot summary, a list of the characters and then sample chapters so they know what the book is actually about and is gonna sound like. Alright, I really gotta go to the airport, Hank. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
The Yeti: Did uhhh, you say happy birthday Katherine?
Happy birthday Katherine!
Showing posts with label Looking for Alaska. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Looking for Alaska. Show all posts
Thursday, November 4
Brotherhood 2.0: May 16: Beating the EBO into the ground
Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, May 16th. You may notice that the puff level is a little high. There's so much puff on the sides, Hank! Puff! Puff! It reminds me of when I was in high school and they called me muffin.
Hank, I don't know if you can see the beads of sweat dripping down my forehead, but it's been a long day here in New York City, it's hot, and I've spent the day reading the screenplay of the Looking for Alaska movie, or as it's known in Hollywood, 'Famous Last Words'. They're changing the title of the movie because, y'know, Looking for Alaska sounds like it's a movie about mountaineering, or something. Anyway Hank, I think it's a pretty good screenplay, even though it's way different from the book, and let's just keep our fingers crossed that they make it.
Hank, even though so far as I can tell we haven't gotten official permission from Evil Baby Orphanage creator Brooke to make it into a movie/book/graphic novel/we don't know what yet, I think we should move ahead with the project. Unfortunately it's hard to write collaboratively about something when you're not allowed to communicate via text, so I'm going to propose that we discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage in video blogs. But obviously, we can't do it in the brotherhood 2.0 video blogs, so I propose that we make a series of Evil Baby Orphanage videos in which we're reading to each other from our proposed book proposals- is that grammatically correct? I'm gonna go with it, and then eventually we'll create a book proposal out of the things we're reading to each other. That shouldn't be too hard, right? I mean, we don't need text any more. Text is dead. Just kidding. I miss text so bad, Hank. I miss it, I miss it, I miss it. Sometimes I'll open up the instant message window, and I'll make it say BrokenGolfClub, and I'll just have it sitting there and I'll type into it, but I won't hit enter so I don't break the rules. Hey, I just told everyone what your screen name is!
Now obviously the Nerdfighters have to have access to the evil baby orphanage videos, so I'm going to propose that we also post them on brotherhood 2.0 over the weekends, if and when we actually do this. Okay? Okay. Moving on. Oh wait, before we move on, can I just say one thing? An Evil BABY Orphanage does have to contain evil babies, but babies grow up, and what they grow up into is teenagers, who become kind of, maybe, evil baby junior counsellors. Y'know, they gotta take care of the evil babies, they've gotta change the evil diapers, et cetera. And what would it be like, Hank, to be 14 or 15 years old and all of a sudden realise that the reason you're on this mountaintop school in Canada and never allowed to leave campus is because you are an evil baby from the past? I'm just saying, I think it might be interesting.
Okay, really moving on now. Hank, in your last video you correctly pointed out that I was born in the city of Indianapolis, the city I'm moving back to. You incorrectly said that I lived there until I was three. In point of fact, I lived there until I was three weeks old. Hank, I know that you have a limited knowledge of my early years, due to the fact that you weren't alive for them. But don't you remember how we lived in Michigan, and then moved to Birmingham, and how you were born in Birmingham, and how then we moved to Florida? Jeeeeez.
Anyway Hank, eventually you won't have to remember that I left Indianapolis when I was three weeks old, because all that stuff will be covered on my Wikipedia page, or as you like to call it, Wee-kee-pedia. Come on, Hank, this isn't Canada, say it with me: Wi-ki-pedia. It's not quite there yet, but it's getting there. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 Logo) P.S. Hank, the Yeti just officially became a Master. Look at these awesome pictures I took! My gosh, I'm like Ansel Adams, only, y'know, drunk. Forget the video blog, Hank, I'm going into professional distance photography.
Hank, I don't know if you can see the beads of sweat dripping down my forehead, but it's been a long day here in New York City, it's hot, and I've spent the day reading the screenplay of the Looking for Alaska movie, or as it's known in Hollywood, 'Famous Last Words'. They're changing the title of the movie because, y'know, Looking for Alaska sounds like it's a movie about mountaineering, or something. Anyway Hank, I think it's a pretty good screenplay, even though it's way different from the book, and let's just keep our fingers crossed that they make it.
Hank, even though so far as I can tell we haven't gotten official permission from Evil Baby Orphanage creator Brooke to make it into a movie/book/graphic novel/we don't know what yet, I think we should move ahead with the project. Unfortunately it's hard to write collaboratively about something when you're not allowed to communicate via text, so I'm going to propose that we discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage in video blogs. But obviously, we can't do it in the brotherhood 2.0 video blogs, so I propose that we make a series of Evil Baby Orphanage videos in which we're reading to each other from our proposed book proposals- is that grammatically correct? I'm gonna go with it, and then eventually we'll create a book proposal out of the things we're reading to each other. That shouldn't be too hard, right? I mean, we don't need text any more. Text is dead. Just kidding. I miss text so bad, Hank. I miss it, I miss it, I miss it. Sometimes I'll open up the instant message window, and I'll make it say BrokenGolfClub, and I'll just have it sitting there and I'll type into it, but I won't hit enter so I don't break the rules. Hey, I just told everyone what your screen name is!
Now obviously the Nerdfighters have to have access to the evil baby orphanage videos, so I'm going to propose that we also post them on brotherhood 2.0 over the weekends, if and when we actually do this. Okay? Okay. Moving on. Oh wait, before we move on, can I just say one thing? An Evil BABY Orphanage does have to contain evil babies, but babies grow up, and what they grow up into is teenagers, who become kind of, maybe, evil baby junior counsellors. Y'know, they gotta take care of the evil babies, they've gotta change the evil diapers, et cetera. And what would it be like, Hank, to be 14 or 15 years old and all of a sudden realise that the reason you're on this mountaintop school in Canada and never allowed to leave campus is because you are an evil baby from the past? I'm just saying, I think it might be interesting.
Okay, really moving on now. Hank, in your last video you correctly pointed out that I was born in the city of Indianapolis, the city I'm moving back to. You incorrectly said that I lived there until I was three. In point of fact, I lived there until I was three weeks old. Hank, I know that you have a limited knowledge of my early years, due to the fact that you weren't alive for them. But don't you remember how we lived in Michigan, and then moved to Birmingham, and how you were born in Birmingham, and how then we moved to Florida? Jeeeeez.
Anyway Hank, eventually you won't have to remember that I left Indianapolis when I was three weeks old, because all that stuff will be covered on my Wikipedia page, or as you like to call it, Wee-kee-pedia. Come on, Hank, this isn't Canada, say it with me: Wi-ki-pedia. It's not quite there yet, but it's getting there. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 Logo) P.S. Hank, the Yeti just officially became a Master. Look at these awesome pictures I took! My gosh, I'm like Ansel Adams, only, y'know, drunk. Forget the video blog, Hank, I'm going into professional distance photography.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 14: The Evil Baby Orphanage
3 librarians: Good morning Hank!
(shows business card cube) Hank look what the, uh, librarians in Baltimore did. It's Monday, May 14th. Hank, your video on Friday prompted an intense discussion in the comment section of brotherhood2.com.
The specific question at hand: whether or not the Nerdfighters should build a time machine and go back in time and kill Baby Hitler. Hank, when it comes to Baby Hitler killing, people tend to fall into one of two camps. The first camp says, we shouldn't kill the Baby Hitler, he's just a baby, he's not even evil yet, he hasn't killed anyone. The other camp of people say, are you crazy? What the hell are you talking about? We need to go back in time and kill Baby Hitler! I tend to side with those people. I have to say Hank, there's just something about killing the Baby Hitler that appeals to me.
Hank, it seemed that the two camps, pro-Baby Hitler killing and anti-Baby Hitler killing, would never be able to reconcile. And that there would be a split among the Nerdfighters that could possibly lead to a Nerdfighter civil war! But then along came commenter Brooke, who suggested The Evil Baby Orphanage.
OH! MY! GOD!
Hank, The Evil Baby Orphanage is such a good idea; I don't understand how no one thought of it before! The idea is simple. We go back in time, and we don’t kill all the evil babies, we just take them out of their crappy homes and then we take them to like a mountain in Tibet or something where we raise them up to be heroic Nerdfighter babies! Hank, something has to be done with this Evil Baby Orphanage idea, but I don’t know what to do with it. Hopefully you or someone else will have good ideas.
In other news: Hank, I would like to read to you from a deleted portion of the Wikipedia entry for An Abundance of Katherines. "The novel start with James Lloyd, an un-charismatic young actor who is considering leaving behind his career in London and moving to America. By moving he also hopes to leave behind Katherine, a girl he has long had feelings for but who repeatedly turned him down. While his career grows in strength, he begins to cautiously experiment in homosexuality with some of the other cast members of the film he is working on." Hank, uh, that sounds like a fairly good book, but it doesn't sound like the book I wrote.
Hank after I discovered this entirely fictional and extremely odd plot summary of An Abundance of Katherines, I started to look around Wikipedia for more information about you and about me. And, you know what I found? Not much! In fact, Hank, the entry in the lonelygirl15 Wikipedia about me is more informative in many ways than the entry in the actual Wikipedia. But you know what's even worse than the fictional Wikipedia entry about An Abundance of Katherines? The fact that there is no entry whatsoever about Hank Green! Can you believe it?! Wikipedia has never even tried to fathom the inky blue depths of Hank Green's genius! Hank, that is not acceptable. And with the help of the Nerdfighters, I'm gonna do something about it! We're making you a Wikipedia entry because you've earned it big guy. And hopefully also some people will improve the entries for me and for Looking for Alaska and for An Abundance of Katherines.
That's what Wikipedia is all about. It's about brothers creating Wikipedia entries for brothers. Right? Isn't that what it's about? Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hank I don't know if you realized this but in the last week we've raised more than 300 dollars for Randy's family. And we'll be collecting donations all this week.
(shows business card cube) Hank look what the, uh, librarians in Baltimore did. It's Monday, May 14th. Hank, your video on Friday prompted an intense discussion in the comment section of brotherhood2.com.
The specific question at hand: whether or not the Nerdfighters should build a time machine and go back in time and kill Baby Hitler. Hank, when it comes to Baby Hitler killing, people tend to fall into one of two camps. The first camp says, we shouldn't kill the Baby Hitler, he's just a baby, he's not even evil yet, he hasn't killed anyone. The other camp of people say, are you crazy? What the hell are you talking about? We need to go back in time and kill Baby Hitler! I tend to side with those people. I have to say Hank, there's just something about killing the Baby Hitler that appeals to me.
Hank, it seemed that the two camps, pro-Baby Hitler killing and anti-Baby Hitler killing, would never be able to reconcile. And that there would be a split among the Nerdfighters that could possibly lead to a Nerdfighter civil war! But then along came commenter Brooke, who suggested The Evil Baby Orphanage.
OH! MY! GOD!
Hank, The Evil Baby Orphanage is such a good idea; I don't understand how no one thought of it before! The idea is simple. We go back in time, and we don’t kill all the evil babies, we just take them out of their crappy homes and then we take them to like a mountain in Tibet or something where we raise them up to be heroic Nerdfighter babies! Hank, something has to be done with this Evil Baby Orphanage idea, but I don’t know what to do with it. Hopefully you or someone else will have good ideas.
In other news: Hank, I would like to read to you from a deleted portion of the Wikipedia entry for An Abundance of Katherines. "The novel start with James Lloyd, an un-charismatic young actor who is considering leaving behind his career in London and moving to America. By moving he also hopes to leave behind Katherine, a girl he has long had feelings for but who repeatedly turned him down. While his career grows in strength, he begins to cautiously experiment in homosexuality with some of the other cast members of the film he is working on." Hank, uh, that sounds like a fairly good book, but it doesn't sound like the book I wrote.
Hank after I discovered this entirely fictional and extremely odd plot summary of An Abundance of Katherines, I started to look around Wikipedia for more information about you and about me. And, you know what I found? Not much! In fact, Hank, the entry in the lonelygirl15 Wikipedia about me is more informative in many ways than the entry in the actual Wikipedia. But you know what's even worse than the fictional Wikipedia entry about An Abundance of Katherines? The fact that there is no entry whatsoever about Hank Green! Can you believe it?! Wikipedia has never even tried to fathom the inky blue depths of Hank Green's genius! Hank, that is not acceptable. And with the help of the Nerdfighters, I'm gonna do something about it! We're making you a Wikipedia entry because you've earned it big guy. And hopefully also some people will improve the entries for me and for Looking for Alaska and for An Abundance of Katherines.
That's what Wikipedia is all about. It's about brothers creating Wikipedia entries for brothers. Right? Isn't that what it's about? Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hank I don't know if you realized this but in the last week we've raised more than 300 dollars for Randy's family. And we'll be collecting donations all this week.
Wednesday, November 3
Brotherhood 2.0: April 2: A Day in the Writer's Life
Writing group: Good morning, Hank. It’s Wednesday, April 4th.
John: Hank, I think Maureen Johnson has a special message for you.
Maureen: Hi, Hank. Um, I…what is my special message? Just that I…I think you’re great, and the Hummer thing…do the Hummer thing. And let me tell you why! Let me tell you why! Did you not…? Hank is gonna take a Hummer for a ride and tell the whole world why Hummers suck. (two thumbs up) “H” for Hank; “H” for Hummer. This won’t be in it. It will be, like, one second of my face and then back to John talking about himself.
John: Back to me talking about myself. Hank, several weeks ago commenter Peter asked to see what it’s like when I’m working. So I thought I’d show you that. So, Hank, today we’re writing in a hotel room. (out the window to city scape) Look how pretty it is. Hank, I write a lot with my friends Maureen Johnson and Scott Westerfeld. (close-up of his face) God, that is a big zit. Today we were joined by Justine Larbalestier and Lauren McLaughlin. (a stuffed monkey sits beside a laptop) And Maureen Johnson’s pet monkey.
Mostly I sit and look at the computer. (everyone just sits, staring at their computers and typing) See, it’s a non-stop thrill ride! You just saw me write, like, three new sentences in my novel, all of which I will eventually delete, I’m sure. Then after awhile I put stuff in my eye. And then, inevitably, we start talking. John: Anything but my bald spot.
Maureen: The Scott Westerfeld story. [laughter]
John: What the…? Anything but My Bald Spot: The Scott Westerfeld story? This is the best possible title for the unauthorized biography I will write of you.
Maureen: Yeah, what…what’s everybody’s…uh, what’s…what’s yours?
Justine or Lauren (whoever’s holding the camera): Didn’t we have one for John earlier?
Maureen: I thought we had one for you earlier. Guys, do I look small?
John: Is it possible to have ankle cancer? The Japanese woman…
(back to just John) Then we work for awhile. (they sit around working) And then we talk again.
Scott: Can I ask you guys something?
All: Yeah.
Scott: Can…so, can a floodlight have a beam?
John: Like, instead of a cone?
Maureen: Or a skirt.
Scott: Well…I mean…this…if you have insects dancing in the light being shed by something…
John: In the beam of the light.
Scott: The beam of a light…but it’s a floodlight, so it’s not-
John: So it’s not a beam. It’s more of a cone, or a skirt
Scott: More of a cone.
Maureen: But don’t…
John: But you can’t have…you can’t have…you can’t have him dancing in a skirt of the light. Like…the cone could be…
Scott: It’s true…in the hem of the floodlight.
John: The hem of the floodlight! The hem of the floodlight skirt. That’s nice; that’s not too awkward.
Scott: How ‘bout the skirt of light coming from the floodlight?
Maureen: Do you really need these bugs?
Scott: No.
(later)
Maureen: I’m like Princess Diana: not afraid to touch the lepers, you know? I’ll sit…I’ll sit close to you.
(later)
John: Funkypenguin402 asks, “What will the Looking for Alaska movie be rated?” Here’s a more important question: When will the Looking for Alaska movie be made?
Scott: What will John Green be paid for the Looking for Alaska movie?
Scott: When will principal photography start?
John: (by himself) So, Hank, that’s how I spend my days writing. God, it’s not even a zit so much as it’s a character flaw. Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
John: Hank, I think Maureen Johnson has a special message for you.
Maureen: Hi, Hank. Um, I…what is my special message? Just that I…I think you’re great, and the Hummer thing…do the Hummer thing. And let me tell you why! Let me tell you why! Did you not…? Hank is gonna take a Hummer for a ride and tell the whole world why Hummers suck. (two thumbs up) “H” for Hank; “H” for Hummer. This won’t be in it. It will be, like, one second of my face and then back to John talking about himself.
John: Back to me talking about myself. Hank, several weeks ago commenter Peter asked to see what it’s like when I’m working. So I thought I’d show you that. So, Hank, today we’re writing in a hotel room. (out the window to city scape) Look how pretty it is. Hank, I write a lot with my friends Maureen Johnson and Scott Westerfeld. (close-up of his face) God, that is a big zit. Today we were joined by Justine Larbalestier and Lauren McLaughlin. (a stuffed monkey sits beside a laptop) And Maureen Johnson’s pet monkey.
Mostly I sit and look at the computer. (everyone just sits, staring at their computers and typing) See, it’s a non-stop thrill ride! You just saw me write, like, three new sentences in my novel, all of which I will eventually delete, I’m sure. Then after awhile I put stuff in my eye. And then, inevitably, we start talking. John: Anything but my bald spot.
Maureen: The Scott Westerfeld story. [laughter]
John: What the…? Anything but My Bald Spot: The Scott Westerfeld story? This is the best possible title for the unauthorized biography I will write of you.
Maureen: Yeah, what…what’s everybody’s…uh, what’s…what’s yours?
Justine or Lauren (whoever’s holding the camera): Didn’t we have one for John earlier?
Maureen: I thought we had one for you earlier. Guys, do I look small?
John: Is it possible to have ankle cancer? The Japanese woman…
(back to just John) Then we work for awhile. (they sit around working) And then we talk again.
Scott: Can I ask you guys something?
All: Yeah.
Scott: Can…so, can a floodlight have a beam?
John: Like, instead of a cone?
Maureen: Or a skirt.
Scott: Well…I mean…this…if you have insects dancing in the light being shed by something…
John: In the beam of the light.
Scott: The beam of a light…but it’s a floodlight, so it’s not-
John: So it’s not a beam. It’s more of a cone, or a skirt
Scott: More of a cone.
Maureen: But don’t…
John: But you can’t have…you can’t have…you can’t have him dancing in a skirt of the light. Like…the cone could be…
Scott: It’s true…in the hem of the floodlight.
John: The hem of the floodlight! The hem of the floodlight skirt. That’s nice; that’s not too awkward.
Scott: How ‘bout the skirt of light coming from the floodlight?
Maureen: Do you really need these bugs?
Scott: No.
(later)
Maureen: I’m like Princess Diana: not afraid to touch the lepers, you know? I’ll sit…I’ll sit close to you.
(later)
John: Funkypenguin402 asks, “What will the Looking for Alaska movie be rated?” Here’s a more important question: When will the Looking for Alaska movie be made?
Scott: What will John Green be paid for the Looking for Alaska movie?
Scott: When will principal photography start?
John: (by himself) So, Hank, that’s how I spend my days writing. God, it’s not even a zit so much as it’s a character flaw. Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 2
Brotherhood 2.0: January 16, 2007
Maureen Johnson and E. Lockhart: Good morning Hank!
(back to John) Those are world-famous writers Maureen Johnson and E. Lockhart. By the way, the Brotherhood 2.0 website looks awesome. It's 6:30 in the morning, I am extremely and I have a long day of writing ahead of me. (Rubs eyes, then shakes face) So we're gonna make this quick, and we're gonna do it school style. First period: Math. I would like to briefly explain the 70/42 mishap. What happened was that I incorrectly believed, and indeed have always believed, that each minute contains one-hundred seconds. Were that to be true, there would be 70 five second segments in each three minute and thirty second period. It turns out, and this is extraordinarily difficult news for me to accept, that each minute only contains sixty seconds, and therefore there's 42 five second segments in three minute and thirty second period. This is a tragedy not only for the American minute, but also for me personally. It makes the fact that my first draft of my new novel is due in eight thousand, six hundred and forty minutes, forty percent more terrifying.
Second period: it's supposed to be History but your teacher is lazy and all you ever do is watch TV shows he taped. Hank, I feel like one of my duties to you as the brother who does own a working television, is to keep you informed periodically about what's going on in the world of entertainment. Paula Abdul has a drug problem. Ivanka Trump is improbably attractive.
Period Three: Physical Education. Hank, the Bears are just one game away from the Superbowl, and if I have my way I will be filming Brotherhood 2.0 from the Superbowl.
Fourth Period: English. Hank, your Battle of the Books inspired me to have my own Battle of the Books because I thought that your Battle of the Books was hilarious, and then I thought maybe my Battle of the Books could be kind of like a pale imitation and people would laugh and say "well, it's good, but it's not as funny as Hank's" and you know, that's pretty much my goal with this thing.
Round one: The American edition of Looking for Alaska versus the Dutch edition of Looking for Alaska. (uses the books as puppets)
American: Hey, how's it goin?
Dutch: OK, how are you?
American: Hey, why don't you have an accent?
Dutch: Uh, I don't, I don't do accents, I think they're weird.
American: AAAHHHRRRAAARAARAA (Slams into Dutch one, stands on top of other) Sigh.
(in high voice): Oh wait, no! It's the Danish edition of Looking for Alaska! Dodadoodadoodadooo
And the British edition! Wait are the British on the American side? Or are they on the Dutch side? Oh my God, they're for Europe, not America! (Both double team and slam on the American)
(cuts back to John) It wasn't until I started editing that that I realized- Oh my God, I am such a loser. I can't even bring myself to show you the Hemingway versus Faulkner one, it's even more embarrassing.
Announcements: Hank, could you possibly mail me some of the misprinted EcoGeek business cards, just like, five of them? Thanks. You can get my address from Mom and Dad. Also, can we agree to have our Happy Dance compilation video done around the end of February? (slaps face/ shakes shoulders/ rubs hand in hair) OK, OK OK big day big day big day big day. 2,000 words, 2,000 words 2,000 words, 2,000 words. OK, I'm gonna go back to bed.
(back to John) Those are world-famous writers Maureen Johnson and E. Lockhart. By the way, the Brotherhood 2.0 website looks awesome. It's 6:30 in the morning, I am extremely and I have a long day of writing ahead of me. (Rubs eyes, then shakes face) So we're gonna make this quick, and we're gonna do it school style. First period: Math. I would like to briefly explain the 70/42 mishap. What happened was that I incorrectly believed, and indeed have always believed, that each minute contains one-hundred seconds. Were that to be true, there would be 70 five second segments in each three minute and thirty second period. It turns out, and this is extraordinarily difficult news for me to accept, that each minute only contains sixty seconds, and therefore there's 42 five second segments in three minute and thirty second period. This is a tragedy not only for the American minute, but also for me personally. It makes the fact that my first draft of my new novel is due in eight thousand, six hundred and forty minutes, forty percent more terrifying.
Second period: it's supposed to be History but your teacher is lazy and all you ever do is watch TV shows he taped. Hank, I feel like one of my duties to you as the brother who does own a working television, is to keep you informed periodically about what's going on in the world of entertainment. Paula Abdul has a drug problem. Ivanka Trump is improbably attractive.
Period Three: Physical Education. Hank, the Bears are just one game away from the Superbowl, and if I have my way I will be filming Brotherhood 2.0 from the Superbowl.
Fourth Period: English. Hank, your Battle of the Books inspired me to have my own Battle of the Books because I thought that your Battle of the Books was hilarious, and then I thought maybe my Battle of the Books could be kind of like a pale imitation and people would laugh and say "well, it's good, but it's not as funny as Hank's" and you know, that's pretty much my goal with this thing.
Round one: The American edition of Looking for Alaska versus the Dutch edition of Looking for Alaska. (uses the books as puppets)
American: Hey, how's it goin?
Dutch: OK, how are you?
American: Hey, why don't you have an accent?
Dutch: Uh, I don't, I don't do accents, I think they're weird.
American: AAAHHHRRRAAARAARAA (Slams into Dutch one, stands on top of other) Sigh.
(in high voice): Oh wait, no! It's the Danish edition of Looking for Alaska! Dodadoodadoodadooo
And the British edition! Wait are the British on the American side? Or are they on the Dutch side? Oh my God, they're for Europe, not America! (Both double team and slam on the American)
(cuts back to John) It wasn't until I started editing that that I realized- Oh my God, I am such a loser. I can't even bring myself to show you the Hemingway versus Faulkner one, it's even more embarrassing.
Announcements: Hank, could you possibly mail me some of the misprinted EcoGeek business cards, just like, five of them? Thanks. You can get my address from Mom and Dad. Also, can we agree to have our Happy Dance compilation video done around the end of February? (slaps face/ shakes shoulders/ rubs hand in hair) OK, OK OK big day big day big day big day. 2,000 words, 2,000 words 2,000 words, 2,000 words. OK, I'm gonna go back to bed.
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