Brotherhood 2.0: January 16, 2007

Maureen Johnson and E. Lockhart: Good morning Hank!
(back to John) Those are world-famous writers Maureen Johnson and E. Lockhart. By the way, the Brotherhood 2.0 website looks awesome. It's 6:30 in the morning, I am extremely and I have a long day of writing ahead of me. (Rubs eyes, then shakes face) So we're gonna make this quick, and we're gonna do it school style. First period: Math. I would like to briefly explain the 70/42 mishap. What happened was that I incorrectly believed, and indeed have always believed, that each minute contains one-hundred seconds. Were that to be true, there would be 70 five second segments in each three minute and thirty second period. It turns out, and this is extraordinarily difficult news for me to accept, that each minute only contains sixty seconds, and therefore there's 42 five second segments in three minute and thirty second period. This is a tragedy not only for the American minute, but also for me personally. It makes the fact that my first draft of my new novel is due in eight thousand, six hundred and forty minutes, forty percent more terrifying.
Second period: it's supposed to be History but your teacher is lazy and all you ever do is watch TV shows he taped. Hank, I feel like one of my duties to you as the brother who does own a working television, is to keep you informed periodically about what's going on in the world of entertainment. Paula Abdul has a drug problem. Ivanka Trump is improbably attractive.
Period Three: Physical Education. Hank, the Bears are just one game away from the Superbowl, and if I have my way I will be filming Brotherhood 2.0 from the Superbowl.
Fourth Period: English. Hank, your Battle of the Books inspired me to have my own Battle of the Books because I thought that your Battle of the Books was hilarious, and then I thought maybe my Battle of the Books could be kind of like a pale imitation and people would laugh and say "well, it's good, but it's not as funny as Hank's" and you know, that's pretty much my goal with this thing.
Round one: The American edition of Looking for Alaska versus the Dutch edition of Looking for Alaska. (uses the books as puppets)
American: Hey, how's it goin?
Dutch: OK, how are you?
American: Hey, why don't you have an accent?
Dutch: Uh, I don't, I don't do accents, I think they're weird.
American: AAAHHHRRRAAARAARAA (Slams into Dutch one, stands on top of other) Sigh.
(in high voice): Oh wait, no! It's the Danish edition of Looking for Alaska! Dodadoodadoodadooo
And the British edition! Wait are the British on the American side? Or are they on the Dutch side? Oh my God, they're for Europe, not America! (Both double team and slam on the American)
(cuts back to John) It wasn't until I started editing that that I realized- Oh my God, I am such a loser. I can't even bring myself to show you the Hemingway versus Faulkner one, it's even more embarrassing.
Announcements: Hank, could you possibly mail me some of the misprinted EcoGeek business cards, just like, five of them? Thanks. You can get my address from Mom and Dad. Also, can we agree to have our Happy Dance compilation video done around the end of February? (slaps face/ shakes shoulders/ rubs hand in hair) OK, OK OK big day big day big day big day. 2,000 words, 2,000 words 2,000 words, 2,000 words. OK, I'm gonna go back to bed.