So Hank this morning the first thing I did was I got up and I went to look at YouTube, uh, and I was like, well that's weird, I don't usually see Hank's face on the front page of YouTube. That's a little- OH MY GOD WE GOT FEATURED! Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, July 25th. Hank you're getting so many comments that there's no way you can respond to all of them. So, uh, I'm going to do it for you. Until my four minute deadline I'm going to read and answer as many YouTube comments as I can. Hank, I know you're wondering, you're wondering how am I gonna know, John, if it's you or if it's a YouTuber when you're reading? The answer is that when it's a YouTuber I'm not going to have green hair, and when it's me I am going to have green hair.
(YouTuber) LOL what a sexy geek!
Actually he's a sexy nerd, but that's a common mistake.
(YouTuber) It's assio not akio. No it's ahkio not akio. No it's not, dumbass, it's ashio not akio. No it's ahkio, no it's akio, no it's oshkosh b'gosh!
OK, once and for all it's assio stop bothering him!
(YouTuber) You guys look like the Proclaimers.
Really? Did the Proclaimers have green hair?
(YouTuber) Who ever made this is a nerd.
Yes, that's the idea. We're nerds.
(YouTuber) Funny but could you look any dorkier?
Yes he could look dorkier. He could have spotty green hair.
(YouTuber) Why are dogs scared of vacuums but not of peanut butter faces?
That's a really good question. Maybe it's because vacuums are scary whereas peanut butter faces are made of awesome.
Nigeliscool657 writes: get a life, nerd.
Your screen name is Nigeliscool657, did 656 people before you have the screen name Nigeliscool? Furthermore to best of my knowledge no one in human history who is cool has ever had the screen name blank is cool ergo you are a Nerdfighter, sorry, live with it. It's a good thing.
(YouTuber) What's a Nerdfighter?
A Nerdfigher is like a regular person except instead of being composed out of, like, tissues and cells and organs, they're made out of awesome. Nerdfighters do stuff like hang out at the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants and uh, (image of pillow) embroider pillows. Hank look at those embroidered pillows! They even put my pants on them!
(YouTuber) This was so jokes. You have real skills.
Uh, this isn't really a response to that comment, but wouldn't it be great if instead of saying cool we always said jokes? Yeah, we just got featured on the front page of YouTube, it was pretty jokes. Man, the mountain goats are so jokes. Hey is it hot outside? No, it's pretty jokes.
(YouTuber) Umm, can you say obsession? Oh right, that's what you are. Cough cough. Get a life.
Uh, when you say cough cough get a life do you mean cough get a life cough? Because (coughs) get a life isn't funny, but (cough)get a life(cough) that's funny.
Pisstaker writes: Geek.
Your screen name is Pisstaker and you called Hank a geek? Um, I have a couple problems with the screen name Pisstaker. The big one is this: who isn't a piss taker? Like, how does being a piss taker set you apart from the crowd?
Kush45 writes: Got anything better to do? Like make some money? Get a job? Harry Potter doesn't care about you cuz he's not real.
Harry Potter isn't real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don't know who you are or what your name is or where you're from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter's real and you're not.
Rustyjusty123 asks: can I put your face on the MySpace?
I've heard a lot about the MySpace and I think it would be fine if you put Hank's picture on the MySpace.
(YouTuber) Wow, he's 27. He looks like my little brother. My little brother's ten.
He looks like my little brother too, and I think he's awesome!
So that's all the questions I can get through. Hank congratulations. I don't even know how to celebrate I'm so happy. I think I'm gonna put silly string in my hair and then do my happy dance. (sprays) The Yeti is going to be really mad when she gets home and sees the carpet! Happy dance time! (dances) YES! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label The Yeti. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Yeti. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 9
July 23rd: The Tickling of the Innards
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, July 23rd and today we're going to learn how many Q-tips we can put in an ear. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Six Q-tips fit in one ear! (whispers) Are the new viewers gone yet? Hank you may be wondering why I'm lying in bed looking a little feverish. It's because I am a little feverish. This weekend the Yeti and I went to the Sandwich Antique Fair, which is located in Sandwich, Illinois. And we got a lot of stuff for the new house, like for instance we got a dining room table. (shot of old TV) And we got this weird TV from the 1960s that looks kind of like a diver's helmet.
But it's not just antiques you can get at the Sandwich Antiques Fair, you can also get upper respiratory infections with fever and achy-ness. So that's nice.
(shot of sign with It'll tickle yore innards on it) We could have gotten this good lookin Mountain Dew sign but it was too expensive. I do kind of feel like my innards are being tickled, but not in a good way. The one thing we couldn't find in Sandwich, Illinois? And this was a bit of a surprise to me, a sandwich. All I wanted was sliced turkey on white bread. Was that too much to ask, Sandwich, Illinois?
(coughs) Jeez Hank, it just occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have made this video. Maybe my flu is transmittable via video blog. That would suck. I don't wanna make you sick. But the marriage to Brotherhood 2.0 is kind of an sickness and health, richer poorer, til 2008 do us part kind of thing. So, I'll see you tomorrow.
But it's not just antiques you can get at the Sandwich Antiques Fair, you can also get upper respiratory infections with fever and achy-ness. So that's nice.
(shot of sign with It'll tickle yore innards on it) We could have gotten this good lookin Mountain Dew sign but it was too expensive. I do kind of feel like my innards are being tickled, but not in a good way. The one thing we couldn't find in Sandwich, Illinois? And this was a bit of a surprise to me, a sandwich. All I wanted was sliced turkey on white bread. Was that too much to ask, Sandwich, Illinois?
(coughs) Jeez Hank, it just occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have made this video. Maybe my flu is transmittable via video blog. That would suck. I don't wanna make you sick. But the marriage to Brotherhood 2.0 is kind of an sickness and health, richer poorer, til 2008 do us part kind of thing. So, I'll see you tomorrow.
Sunday, November 7
July 10: Embarassing Photographs
Good morning John, it's Tuesday, July 10th. Ooooh the Goth picture. I knew the Goth picture was going to come back. And it's back! Hmmm. John since we made a simultaneous infraction, more or less, I've been thinking that it would be great to do a simultaneous punishment. Like a punishment that played off itself. Each of us does a similar punishment. Which is why I was excited about me getting a mohawk and you getting an inverse mohawk so together we would have one normal haircut. But I understand that the Yeti doesn't want a husband with an inverse mohawk. I understand that. For now. Watch out! Because it might happen. And I am in favor of it happening.
But since you've settled on my punishment already, I would have to make your punishment play off my punishment. And the only way I could do that is if I had a (shows three pictures) really embarrassing picture of you. Oh, I do! Apparently I have several really embarrassing pictures of you. How did that happen? Let's spend some time with each of these pictures. They seem to all be from high school, which makes a good parallel with my embarrassing picture because it is also from high school.
Now, it's pretty embarrassing that two of these see, to be from academic decathlon meets. Academic decathlon meets in which you had a maroon buzz cut. Wow. Additionally they're academic decathlon meets in which you seem to have done very well (ding sound with medal shine).
Another of them is just you, shirtless, in pants that are obviously falling off, doing what looks to be a version of your happy dance. Now I certainly wouldn't mind seeing you recreate that picture.
(Nerd Fighters Unite image) Nerdfighters!
Just make the video black and white, uh put on some really big pants, uh take off your shirt and do your happy dance. I really do want these punishments to match up so I'm just gonna take one of these academic decathlon pictures, I'm gonna match it with my embarrassing picture. So let's look at them as a whole. Here's my picture. It is very embarrassing. Here's your picture, it is very embarrassing.
Now, I think we should figure out what the most embarrassing part of each of these pictures is. And my picture I think we can agree that the most embarrassing part of the picture is my face. Because of all of my Goth make up. But in your picture, I think that we can agree that the most embarrassing part is your face. Because of your cute little face, and your cute gigantic glasses, and your amazing maroon buzz cut.
Now I think that we should discuss the most embarrassing non-facial part of each of these pictures. For me, I think it's my limp wrist. And for you I think I'm gonna go with your adorable shiny gold bow-tie.
And finally I think that we should discuss our left eyes. Here's mine, and here's yours. Wow.
So John, my punishment to you, unless you add something else on to mine, is to recreate one of those two pictures. Either the one with the golden bow-tie, or the one where you're doing that dance. And I'm only give you the option because I'm not entirely sure you're going to be able to find a golden bow-tie, and it's just not gonna work without the golden bow-tie. So hopefully by Friday I'm gonna see this guy, or possibly this guy, but I will see you tomorrow.
But since you've settled on my punishment already, I would have to make your punishment play off my punishment. And the only way I could do that is if I had a (shows three pictures) really embarrassing picture of you. Oh, I do! Apparently I have several really embarrassing pictures of you. How did that happen? Let's spend some time with each of these pictures. They seem to all be from high school, which makes a good parallel with my embarrassing picture because it is also from high school.
Now, it's pretty embarrassing that two of these see, to be from academic decathlon meets. Academic decathlon meets in which you had a maroon buzz cut. Wow. Additionally they're academic decathlon meets in which you seem to have done very well (ding sound with medal shine).
Another of them is just you, shirtless, in pants that are obviously falling off, doing what looks to be a version of your happy dance. Now I certainly wouldn't mind seeing you recreate that picture.
(Nerd Fighters Unite image) Nerdfighters!
Just make the video black and white, uh put on some really big pants, uh take off your shirt and do your happy dance. I really do want these punishments to match up so I'm just gonna take one of these academic decathlon pictures, I'm gonna match it with my embarrassing picture. So let's look at them as a whole. Here's my picture. It is very embarrassing. Here's your picture, it is very embarrassing.
Now, I think we should figure out what the most embarrassing part of each of these pictures is. And my picture I think we can agree that the most embarrassing part of the picture is my face. Because of all of my Goth make up. But in your picture, I think that we can agree that the most embarrassing part is your face. Because of your cute little face, and your cute gigantic glasses, and your amazing maroon buzz cut.
Now I think that we should discuss the most embarrassing non-facial part of each of these pictures. For me, I think it's my limp wrist. And for you I think I'm gonna go with your adorable shiny gold bow-tie.
And finally I think that we should discuss our left eyes. Here's mine, and here's yours. Wow.
So John, my punishment to you, unless you add something else on to mine, is to recreate one of those two pictures. Either the one with the golden bow-tie, or the one where you're doing that dance. And I'm only give you the option because I'm not entirely sure you're going to be able to find a golden bow-tie, and it's just not gonna work without the golden bow-tie. So hopefully by Friday I'm gonna see this guy, or possibly this guy, but I will see you tomorrow.
July 9: The Punishment Fiasco
Good morning Hank it's Monday, July 9th. Welcome to my guest bedroom. By the way for the last two weeks I've been giving you a tour of my house. Have you noticed? Hank over the last few days several commenters and also some people in My Pants have said that you and I, uh, textually communicated on purpose because we miss getting punished. Would that it were so. The fact of the matter is that we're just really stupid. I mean, I don't think you're that stupid, I think that you were probably doing six at once and just happened to textually communicate with me. I think that I'm stupid. I don't enjoy punishments, although I do enjoy you getting punished.
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
July 5th: The Regions Bank Freedom Blast
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, July 5th. Hank, I don't know if you know this, but yesterday was America's big birthday, everybody was really excited about it, it was all over the news. And of course the way that we celebrate America's birthday is by pretending to have a war. Uh, if you don't think that we celebrate America's birthday is by pretending to have a war, listen to this (shot of explosions) That's me recording from a roof deck in downtown Indianapolis, Indiana. Hank, Indiana is one of those states where all fireworks are legal. Like, not just bottle rockets and the little things that spin and whippersnappers but also, uh, bombs.
Hank I've always believed that there's a very short list of people who should be able to own explosives. People who work in demolition, the Army, and- and of course Wiley Coyote. If you're not directly employed in the demolition business, or in the Armed Forces, or Wiley Coyote I cannot imagine a reason why you need to have a bomb! But the state of Indiana doesn't agree with me. They give rockets and bombs to pretty much anyone over the age of 18 who's able to convince a person at a fireworks stand that they aren't a terrorist.
Hank I will admit when I was younger fireworks used to make me feel patriotic, but now they just make me feel scared. (crouched) I mean look at me Hank, that was pretty much my posture for the entire evening. For God's sakes, there were bombs going off all around us and they were all being set off by drunk people. (shot of people) look at those guys! Those guys aren't demolition experts!
John (in video): That's coming at my head. OK, OK, OK, OK, I'm having some anxiety.
(image of goldfish spelling NerdFighters) Look Hank, goldfish Nerdfighters!
And then once the regular people were done firing off all of their fireworks, it was time for the government to fire off its fireworks. And Hank, here's where the evening got pretty fricken nuts. In Indianapolis there's a radio station, Q95 and if you tune to that radio station during the fireworks display they kind of play a soundtrack for the fireworks. It's like an officially sanctioned thing. The fireworks themselves are known as the Regions Bank Freedom Blast ha, I'm sorry, it's called the Freedom Blast, Hank, I mean, you can't make this crap up. And so the Freedom Blast has a soundtrack and fortunately the person that Sarah and I were with knew about this so we were able to listen to the soundtrack.
I hope you're ready to believe in America again, Hank, because what you're about to see and hear is going to change you. (fireworks with soundtrack) Wait, are they mashing up Neil Diamond with Martin Luther King? (fireworks with soundtrack) You aren't seriously mashing up Neil Diamond and Martin Luther King. (fireworks, and Martin Luther King can be heard with Neil Diamond) (John bangs head on table) Don't do that. You're embarrassing us! So Hank here's the long and short of it: last night we celebrated our independence by having a pretend war that was sponsored by a bank. Welcome to America. I'll see you tomorrow.
Hank I've always believed that there's a very short list of people who should be able to own explosives. People who work in demolition, the Army, and- and of course Wiley Coyote. If you're not directly employed in the demolition business, or in the Armed Forces, or Wiley Coyote I cannot imagine a reason why you need to have a bomb! But the state of Indiana doesn't agree with me. They give rockets and bombs to pretty much anyone over the age of 18 who's able to convince a person at a fireworks stand that they aren't a terrorist.
Hank I will admit when I was younger fireworks used to make me feel patriotic, but now they just make me feel scared. (crouched) I mean look at me Hank, that was pretty much my posture for the entire evening. For God's sakes, there were bombs going off all around us and they were all being set off by drunk people. (shot of people) look at those guys! Those guys aren't demolition experts!
John (in video): That's coming at my head. OK, OK, OK, OK, I'm having some anxiety.
(image of goldfish spelling NerdFighters) Look Hank, goldfish Nerdfighters!
And then once the regular people were done firing off all of their fireworks, it was time for the government to fire off its fireworks. And Hank, here's where the evening got pretty fricken nuts. In Indianapolis there's a radio station, Q95 and if you tune to that radio station during the fireworks display they kind of play a soundtrack for the fireworks. It's like an officially sanctioned thing. The fireworks themselves are known as the Regions Bank Freedom Blast ha, I'm sorry, it's called the Freedom Blast, Hank, I mean, you can't make this crap up. And so the Freedom Blast has a soundtrack and fortunately the person that Sarah and I were with knew about this so we were able to listen to the soundtrack.
I hope you're ready to believe in America again, Hank, because what you're about to see and hear is going to change you. (fireworks with soundtrack) Wait, are they mashing up Neil Diamond with Martin Luther King? (fireworks with soundtrack) You aren't seriously mashing up Neil Diamond and Martin Luther King. (fireworks, and Martin Luther King can be heard with Neil Diamond) (John bangs head on table) Don't do that. You're embarrassing us! So Hank here's the long and short of it: last night we celebrated our independence by having a pretend war that was sponsored by a bank. Welcome to America. I'll see you tomorrow.
Saturday, November 6
June 19: GOOD LUCK JOHN
Good morning John it's Tuesday, June 19th!
(singing) I'm back in the basement again! I'm back in the basement again! I'm mostly underground and you can't hear a sound, 'cause I'm back in the basement again!
(spoken) It's pretty comfortable down here. I, uh, made a little nest for myself. Where I can nuzzle up. And, uh, come down here when it's too hot outside. (singing) And I'm back in the basement again.
But I don't envy you, having to move out of your house. Having to leave your little studio. I wonder what's gonna to be in the background of all your new videos? Is it still gonna be your bookcase? Or are you gonna do it somewhere else? Maybe Brotherhood 2.0 viewers would like a change of setting every once in awhile. I mean, for awhile people were, you know, impressed by my map of the realm of Narnia, and my floating bookshelves back there. But now nobody talks about that anymore. Maybe I should start filming upstairs, in my bedroom, with the cat. At the Missoula skate park. Maybe some more from downtown Missoula. Or from Target. You know, on-location. Not today, though. But I'd be interested if people had suggestions.
So what's the news, you ask? Oh let me tell you. There's news. (shows mental_floss article he wrote) There's this news. You might not be impressed with this kinda stuff John anymore, but it's still very exciting for me. I can go to Barnes & Noble and be like, hey, I wrote this. That's me. People will gasp, you're famous! Just like that. Famous! And I'll say, you don't know the half of it.
The other day I was wearing my Brotherhood 2.0 in my pants shirt, and a lady came up and asked me about it. I thought that was actually kind of brave of her. I mean, would you go up to somebody who had a t-shirt like that? I mean, I've seen a lot of weird t-shirts in my time, but I don't generally walk up to people and ask them what they're about. There's an idea for a project: asking people about their t-shirts. Gotta find someplace public with lots of t-shirts, and be like, (shows t-shirt) What the- It's the future! He saw it and it's going to crush him! A lot of times there's no explaining. I mean, talking to strangers is fun, right? As long as the t-shirt doesn't say something like, don't talk to me about my t-shirt or I will put forks in you! That would be an amazing t-shirt.
Other news! I was on the Weather Channel. I mean, I knew that they had recorded me, for the Weather Channel, but then suddenly I was actually on the Weather Channel. I missed it, but it will be on again, several times. The show is called "Forecast Earth" I believe. The particular episode is entitled something about hotness, heat, global heat, heating up, heat or heaters, space heater. Space heater? Probably not. It starts out, I think, with John Kerry, and I'm the very end. But that's definitely my first national television appearance, and I'm pretty sure that they mentioned Brotherhood 2.0. (Mouth pop) Hoo hah! (Mouth pop) Hoo hah!
Anyhow, I talked to the Yeti this afternoon, and she and John were in the moving truck, leaving New York. Actually, trying to get out of the city, while in a moving truck, which I'm sure can't be very easy. So, let us all get together, and say, Lucky lucky lucky-lucky-lucky-lucky woo! Good luck getting out of the city and getting to Indianapolis, good luck moving into your new house, good luck doing a video tomorrow, while moving into your new house. Cause that's gonna suck. And thanks for your video, it always sucks leaving a good place. I hope I don't have to do it anytime soon. I'll see you tomorrow. I hope.
(singing) I'm back in the basement again! I'm back in the basement again! I'm mostly underground and you can't hear a sound, 'cause I'm back in the basement again!
(spoken) It's pretty comfortable down here. I, uh, made a little nest for myself. Where I can nuzzle up. And, uh, come down here when it's too hot outside. (singing) And I'm back in the basement again.
But I don't envy you, having to move out of your house. Having to leave your little studio. I wonder what's gonna to be in the background of all your new videos? Is it still gonna be your bookcase? Or are you gonna do it somewhere else? Maybe Brotherhood 2.0 viewers would like a change of setting every once in awhile. I mean, for awhile people were, you know, impressed by my map of the realm of Narnia, and my floating bookshelves back there. But now nobody talks about that anymore. Maybe I should start filming upstairs, in my bedroom, with the cat. At the Missoula skate park. Maybe some more from downtown Missoula. Or from Target. You know, on-location. Not today, though. But I'd be interested if people had suggestions.
So what's the news, you ask? Oh let me tell you. There's news. (shows mental_floss article he wrote) There's this news. You might not be impressed with this kinda stuff John anymore, but it's still very exciting for me. I can go to Barnes & Noble and be like, hey, I wrote this. That's me. People will gasp, you're famous! Just like that. Famous! And I'll say, you don't know the half of it.
The other day I was wearing my Brotherhood 2.0 in my pants shirt, and a lady came up and asked me about it. I thought that was actually kind of brave of her. I mean, would you go up to somebody who had a t-shirt like that? I mean, I've seen a lot of weird t-shirts in my time, but I don't generally walk up to people and ask them what they're about. There's an idea for a project: asking people about their t-shirts. Gotta find someplace public with lots of t-shirts, and be like, (shows t-shirt) What the- It's the future! He saw it and it's going to crush him! A lot of times there's no explaining. I mean, talking to strangers is fun, right? As long as the t-shirt doesn't say something like, don't talk to me about my t-shirt or I will put forks in you! That would be an amazing t-shirt.
Other news! I was on the Weather Channel. I mean, I knew that they had recorded me, for the Weather Channel, but then suddenly I was actually on the Weather Channel. I missed it, but it will be on again, several times. The show is called "Forecast Earth" I believe. The particular episode is entitled something about hotness, heat, global heat, heating up, heat or heaters, space heater. Space heater? Probably not. It starts out, I think, with John Kerry, and I'm the very end. But that's definitely my first national television appearance, and I'm pretty sure that they mentioned Brotherhood 2.0. (Mouth pop) Hoo hah! (Mouth pop) Hoo hah!
Anyhow, I talked to the Yeti this afternoon, and she and John were in the moving truck, leaving New York. Actually, trying to get out of the city, while in a moving truck, which I'm sure can't be very easy. So, let us all get together, and say, Lucky lucky lucky-lucky-lucky-lucky woo! Good luck getting out of the city and getting to Indianapolis, good luck moving into your new house, good luck doing a video tomorrow, while moving into your new house. Cause that's gonna suck. And thanks for your video, it always sucks leaving a good place. I hope I don't have to do it anytime soon. I'll see you tomorrow. I hope.
Friday, November 5
June 11: SURPRISE
(on beach) Good morning John, it's Monday, June 11th.
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
Brotherhood 2.0: June 8: Studying the Clues
(lying on floor, gets up sighing) Good morning Hank, it's Friday. Hank, I feel that something momentous has happened in my life, but I'm a little bit fuzzy on the details. So I think that we should just go to the tape and try to piece together the events of the last 24 hours.
(With images from past day) OK, that's me and I'm wearing the same shirt so it was probably yesterday. Coulda been the day before, but probably yesterday. OK, it's dark, uh, oh I think I see the outline of a couple heads, I know those people those are my friends. Those are my friends. Hank, I was out with my friends last night.
I wonder if I was having fun last night? (shot of John) YES! NERDFIGHTERS!
Yep, looks like I was having fun. It's coming back. Last night was our going away party from New York. Maybe there's a clue in my pants (goes through pocket items, holds up drawing on napkin) It's evil baby Stalin! And who's this little guy? I think it's evil baby Hitler. Thanks to New York Times reporter and my high school friend Cam Robertson for those amazing illustrations. Hank, I don't know about you, but that makes me want Cam to do the illustrations for the Evil Baby Orphanage book if and when it exists.
In other news: I'm officially a home owner. That's good, and scary. Hank I don't wanna be like a new mother about the house and constantly showing you pictures of it and stuff, but here's some pictures of it.
(kitchen) Look at the kitchen! It's so nice! (stairs) and then you go upstairs and that's the loft. I like a lot. I'm very fond of it. And actually behind the loft there's the secret room. Hank it's like Webster's house. What do you think, maybe 18-20% of our viewers have ever seen an episode of Webster? (basement) Here's the finished basement (shot of Yeti reflected in shower) Here's the ghost of the Yeti. (room) Here's the master bedroom. I think it's a great house, Hank, and I hope that you will come visit us because we have carved out a bedroom that is just for you.
Oh hey, by the way, you wanna know something really interesting I've learned while moving? (shot of him covered in bags) I own a lot of tote bags. I'm like the tote bag fairy. Anyway Hank, I'm gonna give all these tote bags away in My Pants. And I'll see you tomorrow.
(With images from past day) OK, that's me and I'm wearing the same shirt so it was probably yesterday. Coulda been the day before, but probably yesterday. OK, it's dark, uh, oh I think I see the outline of a couple heads, I know those people those are my friends. Those are my friends. Hank, I was out with my friends last night.
I wonder if I was having fun last night? (shot of John) YES! NERDFIGHTERS!
Yep, looks like I was having fun. It's coming back. Last night was our going away party from New York. Maybe there's a clue in my pants (goes through pocket items, holds up drawing on napkin) It's evil baby Stalin! And who's this little guy? I think it's evil baby Hitler. Thanks to New York Times reporter and my high school friend Cam Robertson for those amazing illustrations. Hank, I don't know about you, but that makes me want Cam to do the illustrations for the Evil Baby Orphanage book if and when it exists.
In other news: I'm officially a home owner. That's good, and scary. Hank I don't wanna be like a new mother about the house and constantly showing you pictures of it and stuff, but here's some pictures of it.
(kitchen) Look at the kitchen! It's so nice! (stairs) and then you go upstairs and that's the loft. I like a lot. I'm very fond of it. And actually behind the loft there's the secret room. Hank it's like Webster's house. What do you think, maybe 18-20% of our viewers have ever seen an episode of Webster? (basement) Here's the finished basement (shot of Yeti reflected in shower) Here's the ghost of the Yeti. (room) Here's the master bedroom. I think it's a great house, Hank, and I hope that you will come visit us because we have carved out a bedroom that is just for you.
Oh hey, by the way, you wanna know something really interesting I've learned while moving? (shot of him covered in bags) I own a lot of tote bags. I'm like the tote bag fairy. Anyway Hank, I'm gonna give all these tote bags away in My Pants. And I'll see you tomorrow.
June 6th: Lindsay Lohan's Bikini and My Pants
Good morning Hank it's Wednesday, June 6th. You may be wondering why I'm coming to you from a bathroom in a La Quinta Inn in Indianapolis, Indiana. I can't really account for the fact that I'm in a La Quinta Inn, I mean, I guess we were trying to save money or something. But it sure is nice in here (mouths: not really) I'm in the bathroom because I have to record my video very early in the morning and I don't want to wake the Yeti up. Hank, Yetis can get a little cranky when you wake them up early.
Today is the day that we are hopefully closing on our house. And that will make us, like, officially homeowners, and like, literally I'm gonna have to mow the lawn tonight. Can you mow a lawn at night? Are there regulations about that? That's just one of the many things I don't know about being a homeowner, Hank. Anyway, Hank, we're gonna spend pretty much all day and all night on this whole, like, uh house purchasing thing.
Hank you may also be wondering why I'm sitting here in my boxer shorts. Well, that's a very reasonable question, by the way, I- I am in my boxer shorts but I'm not going to prove it, you're just going to have to take my word for it, because I don't roll that way. Sure would it be helpful to our YouTube views if maybe I were to show a little more skin? Probably. Probably. But, you know, I think there are other ways to get to the top, Hank. Like for instance making sure that a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini is your still shot (image of Lindsay in bikini).
Hank the reason that I'm in my boxer shorts is because My Pants (holds up jeans) are full of people! Hank, the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants, has only been in existence for about eight hours and there have already been 200 posts! The forum also has nearly 100 registered viewers in its first eight hours of existence. Hank, I'm so excited that there are so many people in My Pants talking about the things that are at the core of what it really means to be human, like whether or not George W. Bush is adequately evil to be put into the Evil Baby Orphanage. Hank I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be having lively discussions about the Evil Baby Orphanage in My Pants, and I really appreciated your John McCain retraction in My Pants. Although your still underestimating Obama, poke poke poke poke poke poke poke.
Also, I can't believe you're gonna be a TV star! I mean, it sounds like this show is gonna do for The Weather Channel what I Love the 80s did for Vh1. I mean, Hank you're gonna be huge, you're gonna be the Michael Ian Black of The Weather Channel. Who else are they gonna get to be the, like, fresh funny face of The Weather Channel?
Anyway Hank, it's time for me to go to the bank now and take all of the money I've ever earned out of the bank, and put it into a house. Not that I'm worried. I'm not worried. It's gonna be OK. I'm scared! I hope everyone has a great day in My Pants, by the way I am not going to get tired of that joke. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Today is the day that we are hopefully closing on our house. And that will make us, like, officially homeowners, and like, literally I'm gonna have to mow the lawn tonight. Can you mow a lawn at night? Are there regulations about that? That's just one of the many things I don't know about being a homeowner, Hank. Anyway, Hank, we're gonna spend pretty much all day and all night on this whole, like, uh house purchasing thing.
Hank you may also be wondering why I'm sitting here in my boxer shorts. Well, that's a very reasonable question, by the way, I- I am in my boxer shorts but I'm not going to prove it, you're just going to have to take my word for it, because I don't roll that way. Sure would it be helpful to our YouTube views if maybe I were to show a little more skin? Probably. Probably. But, you know, I think there are other ways to get to the top, Hank. Like for instance making sure that a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini is your still shot (image of Lindsay in bikini).
Hank the reason that I'm in my boxer shorts is because My Pants (holds up jeans) are full of people! Hank, the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants, has only been in existence for about eight hours and there have already been 200 posts! The forum also has nearly 100 registered viewers in its first eight hours of existence. Hank, I'm so excited that there are so many people in My Pants talking about the things that are at the core of what it really means to be human, like whether or not George W. Bush is adequately evil to be put into the Evil Baby Orphanage. Hank I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be having lively discussions about the Evil Baby Orphanage in My Pants, and I really appreciated your John McCain retraction in My Pants. Although your still underestimating Obama, poke poke poke poke poke poke poke.
Also, I can't believe you're gonna be a TV star! I mean, it sounds like this show is gonna do for The Weather Channel what I Love the 80s did for Vh1. I mean, Hank you're gonna be huge, you're gonna be the Michael Ian Black of The Weather Channel. Who else are they gonna get to be the, like, fresh funny face of The Weather Channel?
Anyway Hank, it's time for me to go to the bank now and take all of the money I've ever earned out of the bank, and put it into a house. Not that I'm worried. I'm not worried. It's gonna be OK. I'm scared! I hope everyone has a great day in My Pants, by the way I am not going to get tired of that joke. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 31: Yogurt eating
Lindsay: Good morning, Hank.
It's Thursday, May 31st and you just got said hello to by Lindsay Robertson. Hank I'm very late updating today because the Yeti's out of town and when the Yeti's gone I kind of don't know what to do with myself or how to schedule my time and I had to go to a reading earlier and then reading turned into dinner and dinner turned into drinks and then all of a sudden it's ten o'clock and I'm like I have to go I gotta make a Brotherhood 2.0 video! And then I got home and I was still hungry and the Yeti and I have made this deal that we will eat everything that is in the refrigerator before we leave New York, so I had an after dinner meal that consisted of frozen chicken vindaloo, carrots, ketchup, and Italian dressing.
Hank, where do you get off dissing Barack Obama? That's not cool. We try to present a united front here at Brotherhood 2.0 but when you go and say things like Barack Obama is merely well-spoken and merely attractive I get angry. Who you gonna vote for in 2008 if not Barack Obama? Yes, he has a problem with liquid coal, I agree that he has a problem with liquid coal, but a lot of people have a lot of other problems that are even more serious than that. He's smart! Maybe I'm biased as a Nerdfighter but I value intelligence.
Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ranamalo- Ramanama- Ramnalova? Ramanalova? Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ramanalova song, it rocked. By the way, Hank, thanks to commenter Ashley I now know Queen Ramanalova's first name and it is a beauty. Rabodoandrianampoinimerina why did she go by Ranavalona when she could have gone by Rabodoandianapoiniamaponatia?
In other news: Hank I've been thinking some about the Brotherhood2.com website. I think it's time for Brotherhood 2.0 to have a forum because the comments are getting really confused and there're so many of them, and it's hard to read them all at once, and you don't know which is about what. And so Hank, I challenge you to make us a forum. If the viewers are in favor of that.
Speaking of challenges you've done a great job with the song writing challenge so far, I mean, I really threw you for a loop with that skipping Memorial day thing, but then you did a great job writing a song in like six hours about Queen Ranavalona, so I'm really proud of you on the challenge front. And now I've challenged you again, and I can't help but feel like, you know, you haven't challenged me much, lately. I mean, there's a lot of things I could do for a challenge. For instance you could challenge me to eat six ounces of yogurt which is worth two Weight Watchers points, in, say, ten seconds? (drinks yogurt) Aaaah! Nerdfighters! Is there- did I get a little on my nose? (tries to lick it off) I don't have one of those tongues, Hank, do you have one of those tongues? (tries again) Maybe if I lower my nose? (presses down and tries again) uuuhhh, no. I'm gonna have to wipe and lick. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
It's Thursday, May 31st and you just got said hello to by Lindsay Robertson. Hank I'm very late updating today because the Yeti's out of town and when the Yeti's gone I kind of don't know what to do with myself or how to schedule my time and I had to go to a reading earlier and then reading turned into dinner and dinner turned into drinks and then all of a sudden it's ten o'clock and I'm like I have to go I gotta make a Brotherhood 2.0 video! And then I got home and I was still hungry and the Yeti and I have made this deal that we will eat everything that is in the refrigerator before we leave New York, so I had an after dinner meal that consisted of frozen chicken vindaloo, carrots, ketchup, and Italian dressing.
Hank, where do you get off dissing Barack Obama? That's not cool. We try to present a united front here at Brotherhood 2.0 but when you go and say things like Barack Obama is merely well-spoken and merely attractive I get angry. Who you gonna vote for in 2008 if not Barack Obama? Yes, he has a problem with liquid coal, I agree that he has a problem with liquid coal, but a lot of people have a lot of other problems that are even more serious than that. He's smart! Maybe I'm biased as a Nerdfighter but I value intelligence.
Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ranamalo- Ramanama- Ramnalova? Ramanalova? Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ramanalova song, it rocked. By the way, Hank, thanks to commenter Ashley I now know Queen Ramanalova's first name and it is a beauty. Rabodoandrianampoinimerina why did she go by Ranavalona when she could have gone by Rabodoandianapoiniamaponatia?
In other news: Hank I've been thinking some about the Brotherhood2.com website. I think it's time for Brotherhood 2.0 to have a forum because the comments are getting really confused and there're so many of them, and it's hard to read them all at once, and you don't know which is about what. And so Hank, I challenge you to make us a forum. If the viewers are in favor of that.
Speaking of challenges you've done a great job with the song writing challenge so far, I mean, I really threw you for a loop with that skipping Memorial day thing, but then you did a great job writing a song in like six hours about Queen Ranavalona, so I'm really proud of you on the challenge front. And now I've challenged you again, and I can't help but feel like, you know, you haven't challenged me much, lately. I mean, there's a lot of things I could do for a challenge. For instance you could challenge me to eat six ounces of yogurt which is worth two Weight Watchers points, in, say, ten seconds? (drinks yogurt) Aaaah! Nerdfighters! Is there- did I get a little on my nose? (tries to lick it off) I don't have one of those tongues, Hank, do you have one of those tongues? (tries again) Maybe if I lower my nose? (presses down and tries again) uuuhhh, no. I'm gonna have to wipe and lick. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Thursday, November 4
May 30th: Ranavalona and Clean Coal
(guitar strumming) Good morning John, it's Wednesday, May 30th. I was really surprised, suddenly, to discover that I needed to do a song today. So I decided yesterday, after I realized, that I would take something extremely random from your video and make a song about it. And I was extremely surprised to find that you gave me something ridiculously random to deal with.
(sings) Queen Ranavalona the first
Throughout history, killers found a way
To gather enough power to put millions in their graves
Henry just focused on his wives
While Hitler's war took 70 million lives
But I've got to wonder if those guys were worse
Than Queen Ranavalona the First
(sings) Queen Ranavalona the first
Throughout history, killers found a way
To gather enough power to put millions in their graves
Henry just focused on his wives
While Hitler's war took 70 million lives
But I've got to wonder if those guys were worse
Than Queen Ranavalona the First
Oh Ranavalona, Ranavalona, Ranavalona the First
They call her the Mad Queen of Madagascar
She'll sell you into slavery, she'll boil you in tar
She'll dress you up in bloody animal skins and set the dogs on you
A third of her nation died under her rule
If ever the reign of a woman was cursed
It was Queen Ranavalona the First
Ranavalona, Ranavalona, Ranavalona the First.
They call her the Mad Queen of Madagascar
She'll sell you into slavery, she'll boil you in tar
She'll dress you up in bloody animal skins and set the dogs on you
A third of her nation died under her rule
If ever the reign of a woman was cursed
It was Queen Ranavalona the First
Ranavalona, Ranavalona, Ranavalona the First.
(spoken) I did it! So, yesterday's video. Packing already, moving, oh my God! Leaving New York. That's scary and I'm sorry and I hope that I don't have to do that any time soon. Ahhh so much lifting. Euugh.
Also in reference to your last video: Amazing Yeti. I'm undone.
On a more serious note, I've been a little bit disappointed lately of the coverage of coal. Now we all know that coal is bad, but we need it to power all of our lights and stuff. But the worst thing in the world would be to find more ways to use coal. There are people trying to figure out how to use coal to power automobiles. I have to wonder if you know that your favorite guy, Mr. Obama, is a champion for coal to liquid technology. I mean, he's really photogenic and well-spoken and everything, but - but this kind of turns me off. I'm also angry that there has been clean coal advertisements popping up all over the place. Like even on some environmental blogs. One of the advertisements is a lump of coal with, uh, legs that runs and skips and jumps and is happy. He has thought bubbles that say happy things. I have cleared out his though bubble so that people can have him say whatever they think that he would actually say (image of coal saying I'm in yr gas tank destroyin yr planetz, and then a middle finger wth FU) I would like to encourage Nerdfighters to do that. The, uh, graphic is below, and you can send them to sparksflyup@gmail.com or put them in the comments. The best one may even win a prize.
John, I will see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 29: The Goth Scene and Evil Ladies
(looking in trash) Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday, May 29th, I'm back on the odd days, and I am here in New York City searching for packing supplies. Hank, you've turned us into conservationists and as conservationists we feel compelled to scour the streets of New York City for moving boxes. Instead of, you know, purchasing them. (finds some)
(at home) Hank, you may notice a slight difference in the background of this video, that's because the Yeti and I have almost finished packing all of our books. Hold on, I'll show you. Aaaaahhhh. Uuuhhhhg. Hank, there are many things that Nerdfighters are good at. We're good at puzzles, we're good at being smart, we're good at being extraordinarily good looking, but we do not excel at lifting, and lifting, I'm sorry to say, is a very important part of moving. OK, hold on, I'm gonna get up and show it to you. Guh! (shot of many boxes) Look at all the books!
Hank, packing all of those books has sort of sucked and it's caused my hamstrings to snap into to, but there has been one advantage: I've found two books that I've been looking for for a long time. The first is called: Everything You Need to Know About The Goth Scene In Your Pants. Hank, here's what I'm wondering: what kind of Goth scene are we talking about? Because I don't mind having people listen to The Cure inside my pants, but it's gonna be really awkward to have large armies massacring each other uh, in my pants.
Hank you asked my while I was in the Netherlands what we were going to do about the paucity of evil female babies. That brings me to the second book I found while packing: The Most Evil Women in History! In your pants. Hank this book has introduced me to several really genuinely evil women, but I am particularly impressed by Queen Ranalova! Ranavalona? Ranavalona? Queen Ranavalona the first. Uh, I like a couple of things about Queen Ranavalona first I like saying her name: Ranavalona Ranavalona Ranavalona Ranavalonaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! And second I like the fact that she's Ranavalona the first and that there was never a Ranavalona the second. This reminds me of one of my other favorite monarchs from history, King Zog the first of Albania. Zoooog. Anyway, Hank, I'd like to read you a quote about Queen Ranavalona.
"If this woman's rule lasts much longer Madagascar will be depopulated." Anyway, Hank, I don't think we should have any trouble at all finding an adequate number of evil ladies to fill out the Evil Baby Orphanage. I think that's all from me, Hank, I'll see you t- (knock knock knock)
Wait what's that? Come in! (stands) Thank you very much! (holds up scroll) Ah! From the desk of The Yeti! Hmm: (reads)
A year ago last week
John Green convinced this girl to say I do
And his brother was you.
Hank, thanks for your warning,
But there's only so much one Yeti's womb can do.
And that number is two.
(sings) Only one girl could ever stop John Green
From achieving his one unmatchable dream
I know that he will stop before 19
If he wants to remain married to me
The may play Ultimate, they may play darts
But they needn't play soccer to win our hearts
The only kind of sporting team our kids will fill
Is a competitively fierce game of skill
They needn't be numerous, they needn't be huge
And the team they'll make is two-man luge
I could go on for many verses more
But the crucial lines are stated heretofore
Hank I've got to tell you
Tell you about the power I have. Sarah Green
May some day be a luge team making machine
(spoken) Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and happy 26th birthday to Amy, and happy 13th birthday to Anne, you guys are like half each others' age, so that's cool.
(at home) Hank, you may notice a slight difference in the background of this video, that's because the Yeti and I have almost finished packing all of our books. Hold on, I'll show you. Aaaaahhhh. Uuuhhhhg. Hank, there are many things that Nerdfighters are good at. We're good at puzzles, we're good at being smart, we're good at being extraordinarily good looking, but we do not excel at lifting, and lifting, I'm sorry to say, is a very important part of moving. OK, hold on, I'm gonna get up and show it to you. Guh! (shot of many boxes) Look at all the books!
Hank, packing all of those books has sort of sucked and it's caused my hamstrings to snap into to, but there has been one advantage: I've found two books that I've been looking for for a long time. The first is called: Everything You Need to Know About The Goth Scene In Your Pants. Hank, here's what I'm wondering: what kind of Goth scene are we talking about? Because I don't mind having people listen to The Cure inside my pants, but it's gonna be really awkward to have large armies massacring each other uh, in my pants.
Hank you asked my while I was in the Netherlands what we were going to do about the paucity of evil female babies. That brings me to the second book I found while packing: The Most Evil Women in History! In your pants. Hank this book has introduced me to several really genuinely evil women, but I am particularly impressed by Queen Ranalova! Ranavalona? Ranavalona? Queen Ranavalona the first. Uh, I like a couple of things about Queen Ranavalona first I like saying her name: Ranavalona Ranavalona Ranavalona Ranavalonaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! And second I like the fact that she's Ranavalona the first and that there was never a Ranavalona the second. This reminds me of one of my other favorite monarchs from history, King Zog the first of Albania. Zoooog. Anyway, Hank, I'd like to read you a quote about Queen Ranavalona.
"If this woman's rule lasts much longer Madagascar will be depopulated." Anyway, Hank, I don't think we should have any trouble at all finding an adequate number of evil ladies to fill out the Evil Baby Orphanage. I think that's all from me, Hank, I'll see you t- (knock knock knock)
Wait what's that? Come in! (stands) Thank you very much! (holds up scroll) Ah! From the desk of The Yeti! Hmm: (reads)
A year ago last week
John Green convinced this girl to say I do
And his brother was you.
Hank, thanks for your warning,
But there's only so much one Yeti's womb can do.
And that number is two.
(sings) Only one girl could ever stop John Green
From achieving his one unmatchable dream
I know that he will stop before 19
If he wants to remain married to me
The may play Ultimate, they may play darts
But they needn't play soccer to win our hearts
The only kind of sporting team our kids will fill
Is a competitively fierce game of skill
They needn't be numerous, they needn't be huge
And the team they'll make is two-man luge
I could go on for many verses more
But the crucial lines are stated heretofore
Hank I've got to tell you
Tell you about the power I have. Sarah Green
May some day be a luge team making machine
(spoken) Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and happy 26th birthday to Amy, and happy 13th birthday to Anne, you guys are like half each others' age, so that's cool.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 24: How to Happy Dance
Dutch students: Goedemorgen Hank!
Woman: Goedemorgen Hank. Alles goed?
(John on square that plays music, happy dancing. The Yeti giggles) Hank it's been such a long day that I have to talk to you about it here in the car at night with the crazy light on that makes me look like I'm a serial killer. First I visited with kids at this school. Hank can you imagine if, like, a Spanish language or French language author showed up in an American high school and started talking to them in Spanish or French? And yet these kids were quite attentive. Some of them, it must be said, seem to speak English better than I do.
Then I got my picture taken, and I stood on this sign (I amsterdam sign) which was really scary cause I'm afraid of heights even if the height is only four feet.
The Yeti: why don't you stand up, John, I think it'll be easier.
I'm not gonna stand up, are you crazy?
Hank you wanna know something interesting about the Netherlands? It's easy to tell who the German tourists are (shot of people in camo) They're always wearing camo pants! Even the babies! Hank I tried to film these windmills for you but a gasoline truck got in the way.
(shot of fried ball) Hank this is a bitterball (laughter) And this is mustard. Everyone at the cafe finds this very funny. I am now going to eat a bitterball (woman off camera: with mustard) with mustard. All right? (eats) It's delicious. You know what it tastes like? It tastes like if you took meat, and flour, and hope and you fried it.
Then I did my happy dance man, I love doing my happy dance (happy dance) Hank, my happy dance is huge in the Netherlands, it's so huge that later, when I went to Rotterdam, pictured here, people in my Dutch publisher- the best publisher in all of Holland- were like Hey, can you do your happy dance outside the restaurant where we're taking you out to dinner?
(outside restaurant) Hank, the people at Lemniscaat have asked to see my happy dance and I never turn down a request from my Dutch publisher, so here it is! (dances, applause and laughter) The police stopped, because I think- I think they were trying to figure out if that was illegal. (people try happy dances, more laughing)
Hank the Yeti's response to your brilliant song will have to wait until Monday. I'll see you tomorrow.
Woman: Goedemorgen Hank. Alles goed?
(John on square that plays music, happy dancing. The Yeti giggles) Hank it's been such a long day that I have to talk to you about it here in the car at night with the crazy light on that makes me look like I'm a serial killer. First I visited with kids at this school. Hank can you imagine if, like, a Spanish language or French language author showed up in an American high school and started talking to them in Spanish or French? And yet these kids were quite attentive. Some of them, it must be said, seem to speak English better than I do.
Then I got my picture taken, and I stood on this sign (I amsterdam sign) which was really scary cause I'm afraid of heights even if the height is only four feet.
The Yeti: why don't you stand up, John, I think it'll be easier.
I'm not gonna stand up, are you crazy?
Hank you wanna know something interesting about the Netherlands? It's easy to tell who the German tourists are (shot of people in camo) They're always wearing camo pants! Even the babies! Hank I tried to film these windmills for you but a gasoline truck got in the way.
(shot of fried ball) Hank this is a bitterball (laughter) And this is mustard. Everyone at the cafe finds this very funny. I am now going to eat a bitterball (woman off camera: with mustard) with mustard. All right? (eats) It's delicious. You know what it tastes like? It tastes like if you took meat, and flour, and hope and you fried it.
Then I did my happy dance man, I love doing my happy dance (happy dance) Hank, my happy dance is huge in the Netherlands, it's so huge that later, when I went to Rotterdam, pictured here, people in my Dutch publisher- the best publisher in all of Holland- were like Hey, can you do your happy dance outside the restaurant where we're taking you out to dinner?
(outside restaurant) Hank, the people at Lemniscaat have asked to see my happy dance and I never turn down a request from my Dutch publisher, so here it is! (dances, applause and laughter) The police stopped, because I think- I think they were trying to figure out if that was illegal. (people try happy dances, more laughing)
Hank the Yeti's response to your brilliant song will have to wait until Monday. I'll see you tomorrow.
May 23rd: Miniature Soccer Team
Good morning, John, it's Wednesday, May 23rd. And this song, is for the Yeti.
(sings) A year ago today,
My brother convinced a girl to say
I do.
And that girl was you.
But Sarah, I've got to warn you,
I don't think you know just what you swore to.
You'll see,
What I mean.
Oh nothin in the world could ever stop John Green,
From achieving his one unmatchable dream.
I don't think that he would even stop at 19.
He wants two entire miniature soccer teams
From you.
From your womb.
11 on each side
Co-ed teams would be just fine.
As long,
as you don't take long.
44 little tiny baby cleats
Tied onto 44 baby feets
So cute.
In their little Umbro suits.
Well I'm glad you think that you're the luckiest girl
In Indianapolis and all of the world
But I wouldn't think you'd be too keen
On birthing a miniature soccer team
For him.
All for him.
It might sound inhumane
It might sound like a lot of pain
Unless you opt
To adopt.
But John would probably just call me a cynic
I think he's already called fertility clinics
He's serious
About this.
Oh 22 kids is probably more
Than a middle-class family like you can afford.
But nothing in the world is gonna stop John Green
From seeing his miniature soccer team.
At play
Oh, all day.
Sarah I have to warn you,
Warn you about what you've sworn to
John Green
Is a baby makin' machine.
(spoken) Sarah, John, I hope you're having a marvelous time in the Netherlands. Watch out for the babies, you never know where they're gonna come from. They could come from the Netherlands, I dunno. We could add more about that later if you want to. But, uuh, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow. (Reveals black Nerd Fighter T-shirt) Waaah Hoo Hah Nerdfighters!
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) For users of Mac OSX, Nerdfighter Timothy Risendez has created the World Suck widgit, which will keep you informed of World Suck Levels via your OSX Dashboard. You can download it at Brotherhood2.com and if you're already at Brotherhood2.com then you can download it right (points down) there. (thumbs up)
(sings) A year ago today,
My brother convinced a girl to say
I do.
And that girl was you.
But Sarah, I've got to warn you,
I don't think you know just what you swore to.
You'll see,
What I mean.
Oh nothin in the world could ever stop John Green,
From achieving his one unmatchable dream.
I don't think that he would even stop at 19.
He wants two entire miniature soccer teams
From you.
From your womb.
11 on each side
Co-ed teams would be just fine.
As long,
as you don't take long.
44 little tiny baby cleats
Tied onto 44 baby feets
So cute.
In their little Umbro suits.
Well I'm glad you think that you're the luckiest girl
In Indianapolis and all of the world
But I wouldn't think you'd be too keen
On birthing a miniature soccer team
For him.
All for him.
It might sound inhumane
It might sound like a lot of pain
Unless you opt
To adopt.
But John would probably just call me a cynic
I think he's already called fertility clinics
He's serious
About this.
Oh 22 kids is probably more
Than a middle-class family like you can afford.
But nothing in the world is gonna stop John Green
From seeing his miniature soccer team.
At play
Oh, all day.
Sarah I have to warn you,
Warn you about what you've sworn to
John Green
Is a baby makin' machine.
(spoken) Sarah, John, I hope you're having a marvelous time in the Netherlands. Watch out for the babies, you never know where they're gonna come from. They could come from the Netherlands, I dunno. We could add more about that later if you want to. But, uuh, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow. (Reveals black Nerd Fighter T-shirt) Waaah Hoo Hah Nerdfighters!
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) For users of Mac OSX, Nerdfighter Timothy Risendez has created the World Suck widgit, which will keep you informed of World Suck Levels via your OSX Dashboard. You can download it at Brotherhood2.com and if you're already at Brotherhood2.com then you can download it right (points down) there. (thumbs up)
May 22: Brotherhood 2.0 in Amsterdam
Good morning Hank, it’s Tuesday and I am in Amsterdam. And boy, are we having a good time. I like Amsterdam so much that it makes me do my happy dance. (Happy dances on bridge) The natives laughed at me.
The Yeti: A-Amused laughter or embarrassed-for-you laughter?
John: I think they felt ashamed.
The Yeti: Yeah. Crazy American?
John: Just, just ashamed, uh, that their city would attract someone like me.
The Yeti: A-Amused laughter or embarrassed-for-you laughter?
John: I think they felt ashamed.
The Yeti: Yeah. Crazy American?
John: Just, just ashamed, uh, that their city would attract someone like me.
Hank, we’ve done a lot of things in our first few days in Amsterdam. One of the most fun things we did was go to the Contemporary Art Museum. Here we see the videotaped encounter of a spaceman looking at the Buddha, and the Buddha looking back at the spaceman. (robot dances) This piece made me want to do this dance for some reason. That was weird. On our way out of that museum I got so excited that I started doing this. (does jig with music)
Hank, when I first found out I was coming to Amsterdam I thought it would be kind of like a drug-addled den of iniquity, you know? That it would be kind of like a dirty, debaucherous place like Las Vegas, but with legal weed. But it turns out it’s one of the cleanest, most beautiful cities that I’ve ever visited. It has lots of beautiful green space. Everyone bikes everywhere. And when they don’t bike they use small, efficient cars. Even the toilets are ecologically friendly (shot of port-o-potty called Eco Toilet)! Even though English isn’t the first language the graffiti is surprisingly thoughtful (graffiti says 'Love does its duty and then fades away'). There are lots of beautiful fresh flowers, and the people are so friendly that even when a business is closed, they want you to come in (shot of sign that says Come in, We're Closed). And all of the buildings are beautiful, including the shopping malls.
In fact the Yeti and I have been talking constantly about how we can move here. Although as I do keep telling the Yet, Indianapolis is truly the Amsterdam of central Indiana.
It’s all enough that it makes me want to do my happy dance some more! (Happy dances in various public areas) The things I do to entertain you, Hank. In summation, Hank, it seems to me that Amsterdam is like a lot of great cities will be fifty years from now. It’s efficient, sustainable, and mostly underwater.
Hank, I have very limited internet access but I hope I’ll see you tomorrow.
Hank, when I first found out I was coming to Amsterdam I thought it would be kind of like a drug-addled den of iniquity, you know? That it would be kind of like a dirty, debaucherous place like Las Vegas, but with legal weed. But it turns out it’s one of the cleanest, most beautiful cities that I’ve ever visited. It has lots of beautiful green space. Everyone bikes everywhere. And when they don’t bike they use small, efficient cars. Even the toilets are ecologically friendly (shot of port-o-potty called Eco Toilet)! Even though English isn’t the first language the graffiti is surprisingly thoughtful (graffiti says 'Love does its duty and then fades away'). There are lots of beautiful fresh flowers, and the people are so friendly that even when a business is closed, they want you to come in (shot of sign that says Come in, We're Closed). And all of the buildings are beautiful, including the shopping malls.
In fact the Yeti and I have been talking constantly about how we can move here. Although as I do keep telling the Yet, Indianapolis is truly the Amsterdam of central Indiana.
It’s all enough that it makes me want to do my happy dance some more! (Happy dances in various public areas) The things I do to entertain you, Hank. In summation, Hank, it seems to me that Amsterdam is like a lot of great cities will be fifty years from now. It’s efficient, sustainable, and mostly underwater.
Hank, I have very limited internet access but I hope I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 18: How to Write a Book Proposal
Good morning Hank, it's Friday, May 18th, the day that I leave for my trip to the Netherlands. The Yeti and I are going to the Netherlands to support my new novel, 19 Kier Katherine, which I'm sure I'm pronouncing extraordinarily well. I'm really excited about my trip to the Netherlands; I was supposed to go in March, but I got the orbital cellulitis so I couldn't, but now we are definitely going, unless I get orbital cellulitis again. Hank, this means that possibly I'll get to meet some brotherhood 2.0 viewers who live in the Netherlands, cross your fingers, maybe even Toobias! Too-bee-as..? Too-bye-as? Hmmm. I'm not very good at pronunciation. Speaking of pronunciation, Hank, it may seem like you pretty well schooled me on the pronunciation of wikipedia. I mean, you certainly have a lot of fact-based evidence to support your assertion that wikipedia is supposed to be pronounced wickypedia or whatever. I can't even pronounce it the way you pronounce it, my tongue doesn't make those movements. I may not have facts on my side, Hank, but I still think I'm right, that's the American way. And, really, what kind of evidence do you have? I mean, you have wikipedia, a known fraudulent source, and you have a girl robot voice saying wickypedia. Big deal. I can get a girl robot voice to say it my way. Sarah! Sarah?
The Yeti (off camera): Yeah?
Can you come in here? Can you say wikipedia in a robot voice? Come on, wikipedia in a robot voice.
The Yeti: Wikipedia.
In a robot voice!
The Yeti: Wi-ki-pedia.
See? Girl robot voice saying wikipedia. Checkmate. Speaking of wikipedia, I'm trying, I don't know if you know this but your wikipedia entry has been - oh, dammit - I don't know if you know this, but your wi-kee-pedia entry has been the subject of repeated acts of vandalism. Many people have changed your wikipedia entry to say, quote, "he is a gay". But one person went further than that, and said a lot of truly offensive things that I can't repeat on this vlog because of the sensitive ears of our younger listeners. I would, however, like to share with you a couple of quick sentences from the vandalism. Quote: "Both him and his brother John and gay" Period. Ummm, do you mean "both he and his brother John are gay"? Because if you're gonna vandalise wikipedia, you should do it with some reverence for the English language. The next sentence reads "John Greens wife is a trans" Period. There's no apostrophe in the Green's, by the way.
Commenter Misu, or My-zu, or Mitsu, I don't know how to pronounce anything, says "I don't care about how you actually go about making a fiction book proposal, all I care about is that you make the proposal using puppets." MisuMyzuMitsu, I can't necessarily make the proposal using puppets, but I can tell Hank about how to make a fiction book proposal using puppets.
Okay, Hank, today we have playing the role of my lovely editor, Julie Strauss-Gable: Mr. Argyle.
Julie Puppet: Hey, how are you guys? Good to see you again. Okay.
And playing the role of me, we have our old friend, Oobie.
John Puppet: Hey fellas. Okay, uhh, okay Julie. We're just gonna start out by talking a little bit about a fiction book proposal.
Julie Puppet: Umm, you're not doing a very good job of moving your hands right when you talk.
John Puppet: I know, I know, I'm not.. um, I'm not a puppeteer.
Julie Puppet: My husband is a puppeteer.
John Puppet: I know. But I couldn't get him on such short notice, because, um, we're going to the Netherlands. Can we just- Can we just get on with the thing?
Julie Puppet: Yeah yeah yeah, very rarely do you see a first novel sell on a proposal, they almost always have to have the finished manuscript.
John Puppet: Right. I finished the manuscript of Looking for Alaska.
Julie Puppet: Yeah, but then when it came time for you to create an Abundance of Katherines, I said why don't you send me a proposal? And you were like-
John Puppet: I don't know what a proposal is, I'm just a little Oobie!
Julie Puppet: Exactly. And I told you that a proposal is basic-
Sorry puppet fans, I'm gonna run out of time. Hank, basically all you need is a plot summary, a list of the characters and then sample chapters so they know what the book is actually about and is gonna sound like. Alright, I really gotta go to the airport, Hank. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
The Yeti: Did uhhh, you say happy birthday Katherine?
Happy birthday Katherine!
The Yeti (off camera): Yeah?
Can you come in here? Can you say wikipedia in a robot voice? Come on, wikipedia in a robot voice.
The Yeti: Wikipedia.
In a robot voice!
The Yeti: Wi-ki-pedia.
See? Girl robot voice saying wikipedia. Checkmate. Speaking of wikipedia, I'm trying, I don't know if you know this but your wikipedia entry has been - oh, dammit - I don't know if you know this, but your wi-kee-pedia entry has been the subject of repeated acts of vandalism. Many people have changed your wikipedia entry to say, quote, "he is a gay". But one person went further than that, and said a lot of truly offensive things that I can't repeat on this vlog because of the sensitive ears of our younger listeners. I would, however, like to share with you a couple of quick sentences from the vandalism. Quote: "Both him and his brother John and gay" Period. Ummm, do you mean "both he and his brother John are gay"? Because if you're gonna vandalise wikipedia, you should do it with some reverence for the English language. The next sentence reads "John Greens wife is a trans" Period. There's no apostrophe in the Green's, by the way.
Commenter Misu, or My-zu, or Mitsu, I don't know how to pronounce anything, says "I don't care about how you actually go about making a fiction book proposal, all I care about is that you make the proposal using puppets." MisuMyzuMitsu, I can't necessarily make the proposal using puppets, but I can tell Hank about how to make a fiction book proposal using puppets.
Okay, Hank, today we have playing the role of my lovely editor, Julie Strauss-Gable: Mr. Argyle.
Julie Puppet: Hey, how are you guys? Good to see you again. Okay.
And playing the role of me, we have our old friend, Oobie.
John Puppet: Hey fellas. Okay, uhh, okay Julie. We're just gonna start out by talking a little bit about a fiction book proposal.
Julie Puppet: Umm, you're not doing a very good job of moving your hands right when you talk.
John Puppet: I know, I know, I'm not.. um, I'm not a puppeteer.
Julie Puppet: My husband is a puppeteer.
John Puppet: I know. But I couldn't get him on such short notice, because, um, we're going to the Netherlands. Can we just- Can we just get on with the thing?
Julie Puppet: Yeah yeah yeah, very rarely do you see a first novel sell on a proposal, they almost always have to have the finished manuscript.
John Puppet: Right. I finished the manuscript of Looking for Alaska.
Julie Puppet: Yeah, but then when it came time for you to create an Abundance of Katherines, I said why don't you send me a proposal? And you were like-
John Puppet: I don't know what a proposal is, I'm just a little Oobie!
Julie Puppet: Exactly. And I told you that a proposal is basic-
Sorry puppet fans, I'm gonna run out of time. Hank, basically all you need is a plot summary, a list of the characters and then sample chapters so they know what the book is actually about and is gonna sound like. Alright, I really gotta go to the airport, Hank. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
The Yeti: Did uhhh, you say happy birthday Katherine?
Happy birthday Katherine!
Brotherhood 2.0: May 16: Beating the EBO into the ground
Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, May 16th. You may notice that the puff level is a little high. There's so much puff on the sides, Hank! Puff! Puff! It reminds me of when I was in high school and they called me muffin.
Hank, I don't know if you can see the beads of sweat dripping down my forehead, but it's been a long day here in New York City, it's hot, and I've spent the day reading the screenplay of the Looking for Alaska movie, or as it's known in Hollywood, 'Famous Last Words'. They're changing the title of the movie because, y'know, Looking for Alaska sounds like it's a movie about mountaineering, or something. Anyway Hank, I think it's a pretty good screenplay, even though it's way different from the book, and let's just keep our fingers crossed that they make it.
Hank, even though so far as I can tell we haven't gotten official permission from Evil Baby Orphanage creator Brooke to make it into a movie/book/graphic novel/we don't know what yet, I think we should move ahead with the project. Unfortunately it's hard to write collaboratively about something when you're not allowed to communicate via text, so I'm going to propose that we discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage in video blogs. But obviously, we can't do it in the brotherhood 2.0 video blogs, so I propose that we make a series of Evil Baby Orphanage videos in which we're reading to each other from our proposed book proposals- is that grammatically correct? I'm gonna go with it, and then eventually we'll create a book proposal out of the things we're reading to each other. That shouldn't be too hard, right? I mean, we don't need text any more. Text is dead. Just kidding. I miss text so bad, Hank. I miss it, I miss it, I miss it. Sometimes I'll open up the instant message window, and I'll make it say BrokenGolfClub, and I'll just have it sitting there and I'll type into it, but I won't hit enter so I don't break the rules. Hey, I just told everyone what your screen name is!
Now obviously the Nerdfighters have to have access to the evil baby orphanage videos, so I'm going to propose that we also post them on brotherhood 2.0 over the weekends, if and when we actually do this. Okay? Okay. Moving on. Oh wait, before we move on, can I just say one thing? An Evil BABY Orphanage does have to contain evil babies, but babies grow up, and what they grow up into is teenagers, who become kind of, maybe, evil baby junior counsellors. Y'know, they gotta take care of the evil babies, they've gotta change the evil diapers, et cetera. And what would it be like, Hank, to be 14 or 15 years old and all of a sudden realise that the reason you're on this mountaintop school in Canada and never allowed to leave campus is because you are an evil baby from the past? I'm just saying, I think it might be interesting.
Okay, really moving on now. Hank, in your last video you correctly pointed out that I was born in the city of Indianapolis, the city I'm moving back to. You incorrectly said that I lived there until I was three. In point of fact, I lived there until I was three weeks old. Hank, I know that you have a limited knowledge of my early years, due to the fact that you weren't alive for them. But don't you remember how we lived in Michigan, and then moved to Birmingham, and how you were born in Birmingham, and how then we moved to Florida? Jeeeeez.
Anyway Hank, eventually you won't have to remember that I left Indianapolis when I was three weeks old, because all that stuff will be covered on my Wikipedia page, or as you like to call it, Wee-kee-pedia. Come on, Hank, this isn't Canada, say it with me: Wi-ki-pedia. It's not quite there yet, but it's getting there. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 Logo) P.S. Hank, the Yeti just officially became a Master. Look at these awesome pictures I took! My gosh, I'm like Ansel Adams, only, y'know, drunk. Forget the video blog, Hank, I'm going into professional distance photography.
Hank, I don't know if you can see the beads of sweat dripping down my forehead, but it's been a long day here in New York City, it's hot, and I've spent the day reading the screenplay of the Looking for Alaska movie, or as it's known in Hollywood, 'Famous Last Words'. They're changing the title of the movie because, y'know, Looking for Alaska sounds like it's a movie about mountaineering, or something. Anyway Hank, I think it's a pretty good screenplay, even though it's way different from the book, and let's just keep our fingers crossed that they make it.
Hank, even though so far as I can tell we haven't gotten official permission from Evil Baby Orphanage creator Brooke to make it into a movie/book/graphic novel/we don't know what yet, I think we should move ahead with the project. Unfortunately it's hard to write collaboratively about something when you're not allowed to communicate via text, so I'm going to propose that we discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage in video blogs. But obviously, we can't do it in the brotherhood 2.0 video blogs, so I propose that we make a series of Evil Baby Orphanage videos in which we're reading to each other from our proposed book proposals- is that grammatically correct? I'm gonna go with it, and then eventually we'll create a book proposal out of the things we're reading to each other. That shouldn't be too hard, right? I mean, we don't need text any more. Text is dead. Just kidding. I miss text so bad, Hank. I miss it, I miss it, I miss it. Sometimes I'll open up the instant message window, and I'll make it say BrokenGolfClub, and I'll just have it sitting there and I'll type into it, but I won't hit enter so I don't break the rules. Hey, I just told everyone what your screen name is!
Now obviously the Nerdfighters have to have access to the evil baby orphanage videos, so I'm going to propose that we also post them on brotherhood 2.0 over the weekends, if and when we actually do this. Okay? Okay. Moving on. Oh wait, before we move on, can I just say one thing? An Evil BABY Orphanage does have to contain evil babies, but babies grow up, and what they grow up into is teenagers, who become kind of, maybe, evil baby junior counsellors. Y'know, they gotta take care of the evil babies, they've gotta change the evil diapers, et cetera. And what would it be like, Hank, to be 14 or 15 years old and all of a sudden realise that the reason you're on this mountaintop school in Canada and never allowed to leave campus is because you are an evil baby from the past? I'm just saying, I think it might be interesting.
Okay, really moving on now. Hank, in your last video you correctly pointed out that I was born in the city of Indianapolis, the city I'm moving back to. You incorrectly said that I lived there until I was three. In point of fact, I lived there until I was three weeks old. Hank, I know that you have a limited knowledge of my early years, due to the fact that you weren't alive for them. But don't you remember how we lived in Michigan, and then moved to Birmingham, and how you were born in Birmingham, and how then we moved to Florida? Jeeeeez.
Anyway Hank, eventually you won't have to remember that I left Indianapolis when I was three weeks old, because all that stuff will be covered on my Wikipedia page, or as you like to call it, Wee-kee-pedia. Come on, Hank, this isn't Canada, say it with me: Wi-ki-pedia. It's not quite there yet, but it's getting there. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 Logo) P.S. Hank, the Yeti just officially became a Master. Look at these awesome pictures I took! My gosh, I'm like Ansel Adams, only, y'know, drunk. Forget the video blog, Hank, I'm going into professional distance photography.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 10: House Hunted?
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday May 10th, the third day of my house hunt. The Yeti and I have seen 26 houses in the last two days (shots of houses with song)
(conversing with self)
hey wait, go back, go back, is that a treehouse?
Yeah, it is.
You saw a house with a treehouse? That's awesome.
Yeah, I know, it was- it was-it was pretty cool. It was a cool house.
Hey did that house have any other really cool features?
It had a pub room.
Dude, you saw a house that had a treehouse and it had a bar downstairs where you could have two different kinds of beer on tap?
Yeah? It was pretty nice I guess?
Dude, why didn't you buy that house?
Well, cause the Yeti was all like, we need bedrooms.
(clips of houses)
Seriously Hank, that's a lot of houses. Hank, I'm gonna have to film the rest of this at the Indianapolis airport because we still have to do more house hunts.
(at airport) Hank, I have great news, or at the very least potentially great news. Sarah and I saw a house we really really really liked and we put an offer on it. That means that, it was like, we told the house we like you, and then we wrote them a note that said do you like us back? please check one: yes no maybe? And now we're waiting for the house to write is back. Specifically the house in the form of its current owners. We're very nervous.
Anyway Hank, here's a quick tour of the house that we may live in if they like our offer: (video of house) Anyway Hank, it's a great house in a great neighborhood. You can walk to this quaint, adorable little coffee shop called Starbucks. Do you like it? I hope so, because you're gonna have to come visit us alot, because we got a guest room just for you.
Anyway Hank, wish us luck with the house and I'll see you tomorrow.
(conversing with self)
hey wait, go back, go back, is that a treehouse?
Yeah, it is.
You saw a house with a treehouse? That's awesome.
Yeah, I know, it was- it was-it was pretty cool. It was a cool house.
Hey did that house have any other really cool features?
It had a pub room.
Dude, you saw a house that had a treehouse and it had a bar downstairs where you could have two different kinds of beer on tap?
Yeah? It was pretty nice I guess?
Dude, why didn't you buy that house?
Well, cause the Yeti was all like, we need bedrooms.
(clips of houses)
Seriously Hank, that's a lot of houses. Hank, I'm gonna have to film the rest of this at the Indianapolis airport because we still have to do more house hunts.
(at airport) Hank, I have great news, or at the very least potentially great news. Sarah and I saw a house we really really really liked and we put an offer on it. That means that, it was like, we told the house we like you, and then we wrote them a note that said do you like us back? please check one: yes no maybe? And now we're waiting for the house to write is back. Specifically the house in the form of its current owners. We're very nervous.
Anyway Hank, here's a quick tour of the house that we may live in if they like our offer: (video of house) Anyway Hank, it's a great house in a great neighborhood. You can walk to this quaint, adorable little coffee shop called Starbucks. Do you like it? I hope so, because you're gonna have to come visit us alot, because we got a guest room just for you.
Anyway Hank, wish us luck with the house and I'll see you tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 3
May 3rd: Yetis, TMBG, Weeds and MoJo
Good morning, John, it's Thursday already! Jesus. May 3rd.
(party blower tune, from many directions) (blows 5 at once, laughs) (Lets off poppers with confetti) Happy Birthday, Dad.
There're a few things that I wanted to talk about last video that I didn't get to talk about. In one of them- t-t-two of, two of them actually- has to do with Neil Gaiman. First thing: I have in front of me a copy of his most recent publication, Fragile Things, which is a collection of excellent short stories. Katherine and I have been reading them to each other at night. And I wanted to share with you something from his introduction: "and on the subject of naming animals, can I just say how happy I was to learn that the word Yeti literally translated apparently means 'That thing, over there'
Quick, brave Himalayan guide, what's that thing over there?
Ah Yeti?
I see.
Second thing: apparently They Might Be Giants is doing the soundtrack to Coraline the movie. YES! Oh my God, that is so cool! Finding that out has made Neil Gaiman way way cooler in my book. So now you know how much I like They Might Be Giants.
Now, onto things that don't have to do with Neil Gaiman. Katherine is not researching marijuana. Weed research, like she's doing research on weeds. Katherine is researching plant communities and how to eliminate invasive species like Spotted Nap Weed. The job starts in a couple of weeks, and it's going to be really weird to not have her around all the time.
And finally, about the Bermudez Triangle, Maureen Johnson's now banned book. What the f--, It's not cool. But what is cool, is what happened to Brotherhood 2.0. I think that your video yesterday has had more comments than any other Brotherhood 2.0 video. So apparently people care more about book banning than they do about my obsession with Helen Hunt. Which is (chokes and coughs) definitely a good thing. Thank you all so much for standing up for the librarians, and for Maureen. Great work. Now, I think I may go out and buy the Bermudez Triangle because I want to see what all of the fuss is about. And, I think that's all, so John, I will see you tomorrow.
(party blower tune, from many directions) (blows 5 at once, laughs) (Lets off poppers with confetti) Happy Birthday, Dad.
There're a few things that I wanted to talk about last video that I didn't get to talk about. In one of them- t-t-two of, two of them actually- has to do with Neil Gaiman. First thing: I have in front of me a copy of his most recent publication, Fragile Things, which is a collection of excellent short stories. Katherine and I have been reading them to each other at night. And I wanted to share with you something from his introduction: "and on the subject of naming animals, can I just say how happy I was to learn that the word Yeti literally translated apparently means 'That thing, over there'
Quick, brave Himalayan guide, what's that thing over there?
Ah Yeti?
I see.
Second thing: apparently They Might Be Giants is doing the soundtrack to Coraline the movie. YES! Oh my God, that is so cool! Finding that out has made Neil Gaiman way way cooler in my book. So now you know how much I like They Might Be Giants.
Now, onto things that don't have to do with Neil Gaiman. Katherine is not researching marijuana. Weed research, like she's doing research on weeds. Katherine is researching plant communities and how to eliminate invasive species like Spotted Nap Weed. The job starts in a couple of weeks, and it's going to be really weird to not have her around all the time.
And finally, about the Bermudez Triangle, Maureen Johnson's now banned book. What the f--, It's not cool. But what is cool, is what happened to Brotherhood 2.0. I think that your video yesterday has had more comments than any other Brotherhood 2.0 video. So apparently people care more about book banning than they do about my obsession with Helen Hunt. Which is (chokes and coughs) definitely a good thing. Thank you all so much for standing up for the librarians, and for Maureen. Great work. Now, I think I may go out and buy the Bermudez Triangle because I want to see what all of the fuss is about. And, I think that's all, so John, I will see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: April 30: Hellos from Los Angeles
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, April 30th. A lot of people wanted to say hi to you this weekend, so I let em.
Tobin Anderson: Hey there Hank, umm, this time I'm not hanging from a fire escape being chased by police, so this is really an improvement.
Cecil Castellucci: Hi Hank, how are you?
John: Say Hi, Coe.
Coe Booth: Hi Coe
Sonya Sones: Good morning Hank
Dana Reinhardt: Good morning Hank
Julie Strauss-Gabel: Hi Hank!
T. Cooper: Good morning Hank (eats fruit)
Now that my editor and a bunch of other authors have said hello to you, I have a surprise.
Francesca: Good morning Hank, and good morning Kelly, this is Francesca, hi. Have a really good day.
Hank, that was Francesca Lia Block, the author of Weetzie Bat, a book I know you like, and I know I like, and I also know that Brotherhood2.0 viewer Kelly likes. Speaking of Francesca Lia Block, Judy Blume might have just been knocked out of my Guilt Free Three. And now for our final introduction:
Coe: Rootsy Hank, I think you're really cute, and I know you're married already, but-
Hank, as you mentioned in your video last week, it was totally massively illegal for me to try to record the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes on video, so I had to do it really surreptitiously, and as you can see I did a really wonderful job with the camera work (shot of ceiling) I don't like to brag, but if they give out a Los Angeles Times Book Prize for the best bootleg recording of the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes, I am definitely going to win.
(more footage) So first Jackie Woodson, the presenter, introduced each of the five finalists: The Rules of Survival, Tyrell, The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, An Abundance of Katherines, and Just in Case. And then came the moment we'd all been waiting for, and by we I mean the thirty people in the audience who care about Young Adult literature.
(in footage)
announcer: Coe Booth.
John: Yaaaay!
Coe: It is my hope that it will fall into the hands of those kids who really do not see themselves represented in literature often.
(back in bed) And my hope also. Congratulations, Coe.
Moving on. Hank, I have a challenge for you. The Yeti and I have both been singing the Helen Hunt song pretty much non stop for the last five days. I wanna give you a brief sense of what it's like to be at our house right now:
(shot of home) aren't you nervous about trying to find a house?
The Yeti: God, so nervous.
John: (sigh, sings) Helen Hunt Helen Hunt
(in bed) Anyway Hank we sing the song constantly. We can't get it out of our heads. The only problem is that we can't quite sing it in key because it seems to have been written in the key of awesome. And so Hank, that brings me to my challenge. I would like to challenge you to make more songs! Lots more! But what I need right now is for you to write a song that will replace the Helen Hunt song because it's starting to burn a hole in my head.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh hey, Hank, by the way, you know what's funnier than dogs in New York? (shot of dog in sundress) That's right. Dogs in Los Angeles. Look at it, Hank! It's a chihuahua that seems to be married to a 19th century plantation owner!
Tobin Anderson: Hey there Hank, umm, this time I'm not hanging from a fire escape being chased by police, so this is really an improvement.
Cecil Castellucci: Hi Hank, how are you?
John: Say Hi, Coe.
Coe Booth: Hi Coe
Sonya Sones: Good morning Hank
Dana Reinhardt: Good morning Hank
Julie Strauss-Gabel: Hi Hank!
T. Cooper: Good morning Hank (eats fruit)
Now that my editor and a bunch of other authors have said hello to you, I have a surprise.
Francesca: Good morning Hank, and good morning Kelly, this is Francesca, hi. Have a really good day.
Hank, that was Francesca Lia Block, the author of Weetzie Bat, a book I know you like, and I know I like, and I also know that Brotherhood2.0 viewer Kelly likes. Speaking of Francesca Lia Block, Judy Blume might have just been knocked out of my Guilt Free Three. And now for our final introduction:
Coe: Rootsy Hank, I think you're really cute, and I know you're married already, but-
Hank, as you mentioned in your video last week, it was totally massively illegal for me to try to record the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes on video, so I had to do it really surreptitiously, and as you can see I did a really wonderful job with the camera work (shot of ceiling) I don't like to brag, but if they give out a Los Angeles Times Book Prize for the best bootleg recording of the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes, I am definitely going to win.
(more footage) So first Jackie Woodson, the presenter, introduced each of the five finalists: The Rules of Survival, Tyrell, The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, An Abundance of Katherines, and Just in Case. And then came the moment we'd all been waiting for, and by we I mean the thirty people in the audience who care about Young Adult literature.
(in footage)
announcer: Coe Booth.
John: Yaaaay!
Coe: It is my hope that it will fall into the hands of those kids who really do not see themselves represented in literature often.
(back in bed) And my hope also. Congratulations, Coe.
Moving on. Hank, I have a challenge for you. The Yeti and I have both been singing the Helen Hunt song pretty much non stop for the last five days. I wanna give you a brief sense of what it's like to be at our house right now:
(shot of home) aren't you nervous about trying to find a house?
The Yeti: God, so nervous.
John: (sigh, sings) Helen Hunt Helen Hunt
(in bed) Anyway Hank we sing the song constantly. We can't get it out of our heads. The only problem is that we can't quite sing it in key because it seems to have been written in the key of awesome. And so Hank, that brings me to my challenge. I would like to challenge you to make more songs! Lots more! But what I need right now is for you to write a song that will replace the Helen Hunt song because it's starting to burn a hole in my head.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh hey, Hank, by the way, you know what's funnier than dogs in New York? (shot of dog in sundress) That's right. Dogs in Los Angeles. Look at it, Hank! It's a chihuahua that seems to be married to a 19th century plantation owner!
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