So Hank this morning the first thing I did was I got up and I went to look at YouTube, uh, and I was like, well that's weird, I don't usually see Hank's face on the front page of YouTube. That's a little- OH MY GOD WE GOT FEATURED! Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, July 25th. Hank you're getting so many comments that there's no way you can respond to all of them. So, uh, I'm going to do it for you. Until my four minute deadline I'm going to read and answer as many YouTube comments as I can. Hank, I know you're wondering, you're wondering how am I gonna know, John, if it's you or if it's a YouTuber when you're reading? The answer is that when it's a YouTuber I'm not going to have green hair, and when it's me I am going to have green hair.
(YouTuber) LOL what a sexy geek!
Actually he's a sexy nerd, but that's a common mistake.
(YouTuber) It's assio not akio. No it's ahkio not akio. No it's not, dumbass, it's ashio not akio. No it's ahkio, no it's akio, no it's oshkosh b'gosh!
OK, once and for all it's assio stop bothering him!
(YouTuber) You guys look like the Proclaimers.
Really? Did the Proclaimers have green hair?
(YouTuber) Who ever made this is a nerd.
Yes, that's the idea. We're nerds.
(YouTuber) Funny but could you look any dorkier?
Yes he could look dorkier. He could have spotty green hair.
(YouTuber) Why are dogs scared of vacuums but not of peanut butter faces?
That's a really good question. Maybe it's because vacuums are scary whereas peanut butter faces are made of awesome.
Nigeliscool657 writes: get a life, nerd.
Your screen name is Nigeliscool657, did 656 people before you have the screen name Nigeliscool? Furthermore to best of my knowledge no one in human history who is cool has ever had the screen name blank is cool ergo you are a Nerdfighter, sorry, live with it. It's a good thing.
(YouTuber) What's a Nerdfighter?
A Nerdfigher is like a regular person except instead of being composed out of, like, tissues and cells and organs, they're made out of awesome. Nerdfighters do stuff like hang out at the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants and uh, (image of pillow) embroider pillows. Hank look at those embroidered pillows! They even put my pants on them!
(YouTuber) This was so jokes. You have real skills.
Uh, this isn't really a response to that comment, but wouldn't it be great if instead of saying cool we always said jokes? Yeah, we just got featured on the front page of YouTube, it was pretty jokes. Man, the mountain goats are so jokes. Hey is it hot outside? No, it's pretty jokes.
(YouTuber) Umm, can you say obsession? Oh right, that's what you are. Cough cough. Get a life.
Uh, when you say cough cough get a life do you mean cough get a life cough? Because (coughs) get a life isn't funny, but (cough)get a life(cough) that's funny.
Pisstaker writes: Geek.
Your screen name is Pisstaker and you called Hank a geek? Um, I have a couple problems with the screen name Pisstaker. The big one is this: who isn't a piss taker? Like, how does being a piss taker set you apart from the crowd?
Kush45 writes: Got anything better to do? Like make some money? Get a job? Harry Potter doesn't care about you cuz he's not real.
Harry Potter isn't real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don't know who you are or what your name is or where you're from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter's real and you're not.
Rustyjusty123 asks: can I put your face on the MySpace?
I've heard a lot about the MySpace and I think it would be fine if you put Hank's picture on the MySpace.
(YouTuber) Wow, he's 27. He looks like my little brother. My little brother's ten.
He looks like my little brother too, and I think he's awesome!
So that's all the questions I can get through. Hank congratulations. I don't even know how to celebrate I'm so happy. I think I'm gonna put silly string in my hair and then do my happy dance. (sprays) The Yeti is going to be really mad when she gets home and sees the carpet! Happy dance time! (dances) YES! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label Challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Challenge. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 9
July 24: More Harry Potter?!
Good morning John, it's Tuesday July 24th. There hasn't been very much interesting happening in my life for the last three days because almost every hour of it has been taken up either sleeping or reading Harry Potter. I didn't know when the book was gonna come in the mail. The UPS guy got there at like nine o'clock in the morning which was pretty vital. Because it was important to have as much reading time as possible that day. Katherine opened the box and then I took the book out of the box, and then there was a long silence in which I held the book tightly and Katherine looked directly into my eyes. I thought it might turn ugly. But in the end we found a solution. We decided to read it together so as to avoid that particular conflict.
It may not have been the most efficient way to read Harry Potter, in fact it took a strangely long amount of time for a Harry Potter book. But we finished and it was amazing. And it was really kinda nice to be able to share that with Katherine. The whole experience of it. As sappy as that sounds.
I've written a letter.
Dear Nerdfighters who do not care about Harry Potter,
I'm sorry. I'm going to keep talking about Harry Potter now.
You know there's a solution of the problem of not caring about Harry Potter. Read Harry Potter. And then you'll be part of the club. And you won't find it annoying when I talk about Harry Potter for an entire video. Again.
(image of bag) Oh my gosh, look! It's a canvas sewn Nerdfighter bag!
John when the New York Times contacted you about you being one of a bunch of people that they ask a question to about Harry Potter I think that they expected a perspective of a young adult writer. So when you passed them my name, I'm not sure what they expected to get. But in any case, I am kind of contributing to the New York Times! 200 words on why I think Harry Potter is so special. And really, that's a very good question. It would have been easy for the Harry Potter books to be just, you know, another kids' book fantasy adventure. But it is not just another kids' book fantasy adventure. There's something very different going on here. This is like the biggest thing that's ever happened in publishing since, like, The Bible. I very much enjoyed attempting to answer that question.
In the spirit of being a kind of sort of New York Times contributer, I would like to invite the Nerdfighters into My Pants to come and give their opinion on why they think that Harry Potter is such a gigantic phenomenon. Additionally I would like to suggest that we make this a tradition. Tuesdays are question days. Every Tuesday one of us asks a question of the Nerdfighters. Like, if you were a crayon what color would you most like to make out with? You guys can go ahead and answer that one too.
John, I'm sorry that your innards are all tickly. I really wish you had bought that Mountain Dew sign. It was amazing. But I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon and I'll see you and hopefully your green hair, tomorrow.
It may not have been the most efficient way to read Harry Potter, in fact it took a strangely long amount of time for a Harry Potter book. But we finished and it was amazing. And it was really kinda nice to be able to share that with Katherine. The whole experience of it. As sappy as that sounds.
I've written a letter.
Dear Nerdfighters who do not care about Harry Potter,
I'm sorry. I'm going to keep talking about Harry Potter now.
You know there's a solution of the problem of not caring about Harry Potter. Read Harry Potter. And then you'll be part of the club. And you won't find it annoying when I talk about Harry Potter for an entire video. Again.
(image of bag) Oh my gosh, look! It's a canvas sewn Nerdfighter bag!
John when the New York Times contacted you about you being one of a bunch of people that they ask a question to about Harry Potter I think that they expected a perspective of a young adult writer. So when you passed them my name, I'm not sure what they expected to get. But in any case, I am kind of contributing to the New York Times! 200 words on why I think Harry Potter is so special. And really, that's a very good question. It would have been easy for the Harry Potter books to be just, you know, another kids' book fantasy adventure. But it is not just another kids' book fantasy adventure. There's something very different going on here. This is like the biggest thing that's ever happened in publishing since, like, The Bible. I very much enjoyed attempting to answer that question.
In the spirit of being a kind of sort of New York Times contributer, I would like to invite the Nerdfighters into My Pants to come and give their opinion on why they think that Harry Potter is such a gigantic phenomenon. Additionally I would like to suggest that we make this a tradition. Tuesdays are question days. Every Tuesday one of us asks a question of the Nerdfighters. Like, if you were a crayon what color would you most like to make out with? You guys can go ahead and answer that one too.
John, I'm sorry that your innards are all tickly. I really wish you had bought that Mountain Dew sign. It was amazing. But I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon and I'll see you and hopefully your green hair, tomorrow.
Sunday, November 7
July 12: Pizza, Punishments and Potter
(image of salad) Oooh, aaah. Good morning John, it's Thursday, July 12th. I'm in a pizza restaurant. Pretty much completely alone, except for Katherine. Who's here because she just got back from her work trip and I'm really glad to see her. And I would like to spend all of my time with her, but I can't because I have to make a video. So instead I'm making a video while I'm spending time with her at a pizza restaurant. This is definitely the deliciousest pizza restaurant in Missoula. Deliciousest. Wooo my pizza. They make pretty good money here. Good news is that we're the only people here because it's like, 2:30. Not really time for lunch. Except for the cooks and wait staff. But they kind of, um, work for me? Because I'm paying them money to do stuff? So they're aloud to be discouraged by my video taping.
(pizza) Mmm. Pizza. I still don't know what you want me to do for my punishment exactly, so I'm not gonna do it today. But you need to clear that up on Friday so that I can be sure that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not still punished after I finish my punishment. I like the green hair idea with the spray paint, but I don't think that that's suitably, uh, punishment. Cause, especially if it just washes out after a day. So, yeah, I think that it's a good challenge, a good fun time thing to do, but not necessarily uh- a punishment.
(Wal*Mart badges with Nerdfighters on them) Wow, I sure can't argue with Wal*Mart Nerdfighters.
(One slice) This is how much pizza is left. That is Katherine's piece, so I can't eat it. I- I would like to eat it. But we split it in half and that is not my piece. (reaches for it) Not. (Katherine smacks his hand away.
So guess what Katherine and I are about to go do? We're going to see Harry Potter! At the five o'clock matinee showing because that is the only time we go to see movies any more. Now, even in Missoula, a movie costs 8 dollars and 50 cents. Never ever go without a soda in your pocket because the sodas are like seven dollars for the little one. I'm getting very excited for all this Harry Potter madness. I'm having a hard time holding in my excitement for the book, which I think comes out in 12 days? 13 days? It's very soon. I hope that I don't have to do a video on that day because I won't be able to cause I will be reading Harry Potter.
But I just wanted to say that I think that a good challenge is just to wear out Nerdfighter shirts in public. Because people always look at me funny. And then sometimes they ask me but other times they just look at me and they kind of ask me with their eyes, plus then you get to, like, explain Brotherhood 2.0 to them. Maybe we should have business cards.
As for your punishment, people seem to be really excited about you doing that half naked dance with a golden bow-tie. Well, really, I mean, it's gonna be black and white so anything that looks like it could be a golden bow-tie. Just, put that on, and then you do that naked dance, for, you know, ten, fifteen seconds, maybe a little bit more than that, how bout 30 seconds? You don't have to show all of it, you can just pick the best parts, but I wanna see some good half naked dancing. I think that's what I wanna see you do for your punishments, me? Whatever you want, man.
OK, I'm almost home, so John I will see you tomorrow.
(pizza) Mmm. Pizza. I still don't know what you want me to do for my punishment exactly, so I'm not gonna do it today. But you need to clear that up on Friday so that I can be sure that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not still punished after I finish my punishment. I like the green hair idea with the spray paint, but I don't think that that's suitably, uh, punishment. Cause, especially if it just washes out after a day. So, yeah, I think that it's a good challenge, a good fun time thing to do, but not necessarily uh- a punishment.
(Wal*Mart badges with Nerdfighters on them) Wow, I sure can't argue with Wal*Mart Nerdfighters.
(One slice) This is how much pizza is left. That is Katherine's piece, so I can't eat it. I- I would like to eat it. But we split it in half and that is not my piece. (reaches for it) Not. (Katherine smacks his hand away.
So guess what Katherine and I are about to go do? We're going to see Harry Potter! At the five o'clock matinee showing because that is the only time we go to see movies any more. Now, even in Missoula, a movie costs 8 dollars and 50 cents. Never ever go without a soda in your pocket because the sodas are like seven dollars for the little one. I'm getting very excited for all this Harry Potter madness. I'm having a hard time holding in my excitement for the book, which I think comes out in 12 days? 13 days? It's very soon. I hope that I don't have to do a video on that day because I won't be able to cause I will be reading Harry Potter.
But I just wanted to say that I think that a good challenge is just to wear out Nerdfighter shirts in public. Because people always look at me funny. And then sometimes they ask me but other times they just look at me and they kind of ask me with their eyes, plus then you get to, like, explain Brotherhood 2.0 to them. Maybe we should have business cards.
As for your punishment, people seem to be really excited about you doing that half naked dance with a golden bow-tie. Well, really, I mean, it's gonna be black and white so anything that looks like it could be a golden bow-tie. Just, put that on, and then you do that naked dance, for, you know, ten, fifteen seconds, maybe a little bit more than that, how bout 30 seconds? You don't have to show all of it, you can just pick the best parts, but I wanna see some good half naked dancing. I think that's what I wanna see you do for your punishments, me? Whatever you want, man.
OK, I'm almost home, so John I will see you tomorrow.
Friday, November 5
Jun 5th: S-S-S-Somethin From the Forum
(on lake) Good morning John, it's Tuesday June 5th.
(at home) (sigh) That was nice. Katherine and I have some friends that have a cabin up on Seeley Lake. Which is a really nice place, and Katherine and I went there this week to hang out it was awesome. It was kinda weird though for Katherine. Because she was like the only not pregnant girl. Babies babies babies. To me it does not feel like baby time yet, but a lot of my friends are having baby time.
I'm worried that if I ever have a baby, it won't have any friends. Because all of the other babies will be so much older than him. I guess that's a pretty stupid fear. Unless every body stops having the capability of having babies, which I've read two books about lately and seen one movie, so maybe it's not that far fetched. Uh, having read those books and then seeing all these pregnant people, suddenly not so worried.
Speaking of books, I just read Feed in my pants and every body was right, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia brain. Idon'twantwikipediainmybrain. I don't want a wikipedia brain. Don't want a wikipedia in my brain oh my God. I found that book to be entirely terrifying. The future could be bad. Well done, good book, though it really made me a little bit more pessimistic about society and that's not necessarily something that I want. But it's really important that we recognize that these kinds of things are issues, and that we live in a very strange society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you go buy Feed, by M. T. Anderson, it was very good.
I got an email today from The Weather Channel. They would like to interview me for a new show on global warming. It's not the kind of thing that I really expect people to watch. Stupid! There's always something on. I just wanna know what the weather is! This stupid kid's talking! That's kind of what I expect people to be saying while I'm talking. Still very cool.
You may have noticed that today's video is a little late. That is becaaaause I made a foruuuuuuuum! It took me a while. So I've been doing that all day, and a lot of last night, oh boy John, your challenges. Sometimes they wipe me out. And it's linked to, on the side bar. Or you can just go straight to the forum which is at brotherhood2.com/mypants . So when there's a discussion in the comments, or -or maybe one of us is starting a discussion in video format we can say things like, we'll continue this discussion of John McCain in my pants. Then you're not sure if the discussion is gonna happen in your pants, or if you're discussing John McCain in my pants, or if you're discussing John McCain who is in my pants, or if we're just discussing it in the forum, which is called My Pants.
It was one of my more brilliant ideas, and between you and me that is saying something. You will have to register, although that'll probably take you like 15 seconds. It's gonna replace the comments, it'll be in addition to the comments. And you don't have to go over there if you don't want to, but I'm fairly sure that some interesting things will be going on. There's already a couple of discussion threads there. One in which I discuss John McCain and lamented my saying what I said, and how I'm never actually going to vote for John McCain. Sometimes you just like to make your older brother mad at you. Poke poke poke poke. But there is also a thread about what to include in the forum. There are several sections, and several forums within sections and if you think that there should be a section or a forum, please suggest it so that I can create it. And I'm very glad to have that done with. Now I am going to go eat dinner, and it's gonna be great. I will see you tomorrow.
(at home) (sigh) That was nice. Katherine and I have some friends that have a cabin up on Seeley Lake. Which is a really nice place, and Katherine and I went there this week to hang out it was awesome. It was kinda weird though for Katherine. Because she was like the only not pregnant girl. Babies babies babies. To me it does not feel like baby time yet, but a lot of my friends are having baby time.
I'm worried that if I ever have a baby, it won't have any friends. Because all of the other babies will be so much older than him. I guess that's a pretty stupid fear. Unless every body stops having the capability of having babies, which I've read two books about lately and seen one movie, so maybe it's not that far fetched. Uh, having read those books and then seeing all these pregnant people, suddenly not so worried.
Speaking of books, I just read Feed in my pants and every body was right, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia brain. Idon'twantwikipediainmybrain. I don't want a wikipedia brain. Don't want a wikipedia in my brain oh my God. I found that book to be entirely terrifying. The future could be bad. Well done, good book, though it really made me a little bit more pessimistic about society and that's not necessarily something that I want. But it's really important that we recognize that these kinds of things are issues, and that we live in a very strange society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you go buy Feed, by M. T. Anderson, it was very good.
I got an email today from The Weather Channel. They would like to interview me for a new show on global warming. It's not the kind of thing that I really expect people to watch. Stupid! There's always something on. I just wanna know what the weather is! This stupid kid's talking! That's kind of what I expect people to be saying while I'm talking. Still very cool.
You may have noticed that today's video is a little late. That is becaaaause I made a foruuuuuuuum! It took me a while. So I've been doing that all day, and a lot of last night, oh boy John, your challenges. Sometimes they wipe me out. And it's linked to, on the side bar. Or you can just go straight to the forum which is at brotherhood2.com/mypants . So when there's a discussion in the comments, or -or maybe one of us is starting a discussion in video format we can say things like, we'll continue this discussion of John McCain in my pants. Then you're not sure if the discussion is gonna happen in your pants, or if you're discussing John McCain in my pants, or if you're discussing John McCain who is in my pants, or if we're just discussing it in the forum, which is called My Pants.
It was one of my more brilliant ideas, and between you and me that is saying something. You will have to register, although that'll probably take you like 15 seconds. It's gonna replace the comments, it'll be in addition to the comments. And you don't have to go over there if you don't want to, but I'm fairly sure that some interesting things will be going on. There's already a couple of discussion threads there. One in which I discuss John McCain and lamented my saying what I said, and how I'm never actually going to vote for John McCain. Sometimes you just like to make your older brother mad at you. Poke poke poke poke. But there is also a thread about what to include in the forum. There are several sections, and several forums within sections and if you think that there should be a section or a forum, please suggest it so that I can create it. And I'm very glad to have that done with. Now I am going to go eat dinner, and it's gonna be great. I will see you tomorrow.
June 1: Barack Saabama
Good morning John, It's Friday June 1st. I don't have time for it to be June yet! Why was May so short? Stupid May. My life is slipping away. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. BONG. BONG. BONG. Slipping through my fingers.
What I mean to say is life's too short for brothers to be angry at each other. Which is why you're just going to have to admit you're wrong. Your response to my derision of Barack Obama was maybe a little bit unconvincing. I said that he was well-spoken and attractive, to that list you added "smart" Ummm. I think that we might have to admit that Brotherhood 2.0 is not going to be able to endorse a candidate in the 2008 elections. Because we might not be voting for the same person. I mean, I'll vote for Barack Obama if he's running against Mitt Romney, but I might not vote for Barack Obama if he's running against John McCain.
This country has a lot of problems, and Barack Obama has a lot of good ideas, but you can't sit there and tell me that a candidate is "smart" if he wants to increase the amount of carbon dioxide that our automobile fleet produces. By OVER 100%! That's not smart. That's uh, that's stupid.
Liquid coal is an extremely bad idea. It's the exact opposite of everything I work for. While I recognize that there are a lot of issues, that are important to me, and maybe should even be more important to me, than global warming, this is what I do. It's what I care about the most. It's what I spend all of my time doing and I just can't support some one who is not only a supporter, but like the congressional champion on the Democratic side. I like it when he talks, it makes me happy. When Hilary Clinton talks it makes me nauseous. But that is not a reason to vote for a candidate.
Obviously what's worse is that there are so many cars in America. We don't need them all. Frankly I think that I need one less. (pulls out 100 dollar bill, puts in mouth) that was me yesterday, putting my money where my mouth is. John, you may already be angry at me, but I might be about to make you more angry at me. I'll let Yesterday Self tell you about that so you can be angry at him instead of me.
(Yesterday Self) Katherine and I have become a one car family. (holds up $100) And there's a certain advantage to becoming a one car family. 90 of these. That's two, this is 88. (fans out 100s, bites stack) We have sold the less fuel efficient of the two cars, also the much more expensive of the two cars. I very intentionally video taped this yesterday so that no one would know that I have this much money until I put it in the bank. Which I'm about to go do. So don't come over and try to rob me, because I've already deposited it. This kinda scares the crap out of me. At the same time I just kinda want to rub it on myself. (rubs on face) ooohhh.
It's hard to be down on losing a really nice car when you've got your hand full of 88 hundred dollar bills. (adds two) I mean, 90. 90 hundred dollar bills. So, uh, maybe I'm just gonna invest it all in solar stocks. I have faith in the solar power industry.
(Today self) Man, that guy is such a jerk. He totally sold the Saab, you love the Saab! I don't believe he did that. Make sure that he knows he's done you wrong, but I'm on your side, I'm all behind you on all the different reasons why you're angry, we should be friends.
Thank you for challenging me to make a forum, I'm workin on it, and I challenge you to move to Indianapolis cause right now I don't think you need anything else on your plate. John, I'll see you on Monday.
What I mean to say is life's too short for brothers to be angry at each other. Which is why you're just going to have to admit you're wrong. Your response to my derision of Barack Obama was maybe a little bit unconvincing. I said that he was well-spoken and attractive, to that list you added "smart" Ummm. I think that we might have to admit that Brotherhood 2.0 is not going to be able to endorse a candidate in the 2008 elections. Because we might not be voting for the same person. I mean, I'll vote for Barack Obama if he's running against Mitt Romney, but I might not vote for Barack Obama if he's running against John McCain.
This country has a lot of problems, and Barack Obama has a lot of good ideas, but you can't sit there and tell me that a candidate is "smart" if he wants to increase the amount of carbon dioxide that our automobile fleet produces. By OVER 100%! That's not smart. That's uh, that's stupid.
Liquid coal is an extremely bad idea. It's the exact opposite of everything I work for. While I recognize that there are a lot of issues, that are important to me, and maybe should even be more important to me, than global warming, this is what I do. It's what I care about the most. It's what I spend all of my time doing and I just can't support some one who is not only a supporter, but like the congressional champion on the Democratic side. I like it when he talks, it makes me happy. When Hilary Clinton talks it makes me nauseous. But that is not a reason to vote for a candidate.
Obviously what's worse is that there are so many cars in America. We don't need them all. Frankly I think that I need one less. (pulls out 100 dollar bill, puts in mouth) that was me yesterday, putting my money where my mouth is. John, you may already be angry at me, but I might be about to make you more angry at me. I'll let Yesterday Self tell you about that so you can be angry at him instead of me.
(Yesterday Self) Katherine and I have become a one car family. (holds up $100) And there's a certain advantage to becoming a one car family. 90 of these. That's two, this is 88. (fans out 100s, bites stack) We have sold the less fuel efficient of the two cars, also the much more expensive of the two cars. I very intentionally video taped this yesterday so that no one would know that I have this much money until I put it in the bank. Which I'm about to go do. So don't come over and try to rob me, because I've already deposited it. This kinda scares the crap out of me. At the same time I just kinda want to rub it on myself. (rubs on face) ooohhh.
It's hard to be down on losing a really nice car when you've got your hand full of 88 hundred dollar bills. (adds two) I mean, 90. 90 hundred dollar bills. So, uh, maybe I'm just gonna invest it all in solar stocks. I have faith in the solar power industry.
(Today self) Man, that guy is such a jerk. He totally sold the Saab, you love the Saab! I don't believe he did that. Make sure that he knows he's done you wrong, but I'm on your side, I'm all behind you on all the different reasons why you're angry, we should be friends.
Thank you for challenging me to make a forum, I'm workin on it, and I challenge you to move to Indianapolis cause right now I don't think you need anything else on your plate. John, I'll see you on Monday.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 31: Yogurt eating
Lindsay: Good morning, Hank.
It's Thursday, May 31st and you just got said hello to by Lindsay Robertson. Hank I'm very late updating today because the Yeti's out of town and when the Yeti's gone I kind of don't know what to do with myself or how to schedule my time and I had to go to a reading earlier and then reading turned into dinner and dinner turned into drinks and then all of a sudden it's ten o'clock and I'm like I have to go I gotta make a Brotherhood 2.0 video! And then I got home and I was still hungry and the Yeti and I have made this deal that we will eat everything that is in the refrigerator before we leave New York, so I had an after dinner meal that consisted of frozen chicken vindaloo, carrots, ketchup, and Italian dressing.
Hank, where do you get off dissing Barack Obama? That's not cool. We try to present a united front here at Brotherhood 2.0 but when you go and say things like Barack Obama is merely well-spoken and merely attractive I get angry. Who you gonna vote for in 2008 if not Barack Obama? Yes, he has a problem with liquid coal, I agree that he has a problem with liquid coal, but a lot of people have a lot of other problems that are even more serious than that. He's smart! Maybe I'm biased as a Nerdfighter but I value intelligence.
Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ranamalo- Ramanama- Ramnalova? Ramanalova? Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ramanalova song, it rocked. By the way, Hank, thanks to commenter Ashley I now know Queen Ramanalova's first name and it is a beauty. Rabodoandrianampoinimerina why did she go by Ranavalona when she could have gone by Rabodoandianapoiniamaponatia?
In other news: Hank I've been thinking some about the Brotherhood2.com website. I think it's time for Brotherhood 2.0 to have a forum because the comments are getting really confused and there're so many of them, and it's hard to read them all at once, and you don't know which is about what. And so Hank, I challenge you to make us a forum. If the viewers are in favor of that.
Speaking of challenges you've done a great job with the song writing challenge so far, I mean, I really threw you for a loop with that skipping Memorial day thing, but then you did a great job writing a song in like six hours about Queen Ranavalona, so I'm really proud of you on the challenge front. And now I've challenged you again, and I can't help but feel like, you know, you haven't challenged me much, lately. I mean, there's a lot of things I could do for a challenge. For instance you could challenge me to eat six ounces of yogurt which is worth two Weight Watchers points, in, say, ten seconds? (drinks yogurt) Aaaah! Nerdfighters! Is there- did I get a little on my nose? (tries to lick it off) I don't have one of those tongues, Hank, do you have one of those tongues? (tries again) Maybe if I lower my nose? (presses down and tries again) uuuhhh, no. I'm gonna have to wipe and lick. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
It's Thursday, May 31st and you just got said hello to by Lindsay Robertson. Hank I'm very late updating today because the Yeti's out of town and when the Yeti's gone I kind of don't know what to do with myself or how to schedule my time and I had to go to a reading earlier and then reading turned into dinner and dinner turned into drinks and then all of a sudden it's ten o'clock and I'm like I have to go I gotta make a Brotherhood 2.0 video! And then I got home and I was still hungry and the Yeti and I have made this deal that we will eat everything that is in the refrigerator before we leave New York, so I had an after dinner meal that consisted of frozen chicken vindaloo, carrots, ketchup, and Italian dressing.
Hank, where do you get off dissing Barack Obama? That's not cool. We try to present a united front here at Brotherhood 2.0 but when you go and say things like Barack Obama is merely well-spoken and merely attractive I get angry. Who you gonna vote for in 2008 if not Barack Obama? Yes, he has a problem with liquid coal, I agree that he has a problem with liquid coal, but a lot of people have a lot of other problems that are even more serious than that. He's smart! Maybe I'm biased as a Nerdfighter but I value intelligence.
Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ranamalo- Ramanama- Ramnalova? Ramanalova? Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ramanalova song, it rocked. By the way, Hank, thanks to commenter Ashley I now know Queen Ramanalova's first name and it is a beauty. Rabodoandrianampoinimerina why did she go by Ranavalona when she could have gone by Rabodoandianapoiniamaponatia?
In other news: Hank I've been thinking some about the Brotherhood2.com website. I think it's time for Brotherhood 2.0 to have a forum because the comments are getting really confused and there're so many of them, and it's hard to read them all at once, and you don't know which is about what. And so Hank, I challenge you to make us a forum. If the viewers are in favor of that.
Speaking of challenges you've done a great job with the song writing challenge so far, I mean, I really threw you for a loop with that skipping Memorial day thing, but then you did a great job writing a song in like six hours about Queen Ranavalona, so I'm really proud of you on the challenge front. And now I've challenged you again, and I can't help but feel like, you know, you haven't challenged me much, lately. I mean, there's a lot of things I could do for a challenge. For instance you could challenge me to eat six ounces of yogurt which is worth two Weight Watchers points, in, say, ten seconds? (drinks yogurt) Aaaah! Nerdfighters! Is there- did I get a little on my nose? (tries to lick it off) I don't have one of those tongues, Hank, do you have one of those tongues? (tries again) Maybe if I lower my nose? (presses down and tries again) uuuhhh, no. I'm gonna have to wipe and lick. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Thursday, November 4
May 9th: Singing and Randy
Good morning John, it's Wednesday, May 9th. We're gonna start with the good news and we're going to move to the bad news. The good news is that I have officially accepted your challenge. A friend of mine who you may all recognize as the other guy from Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone from Your Pants, has suggested that it would indeed be a good thing for me to write a song every two weeks. It's not Jonathan Coulton but it's as good as I can do. Every time it's my Wednesday I sing a song. The song I am about to perform is something I have written for a guy who worked really hard and got to see some of the results from his work, but not all of them because he has now passed his legacy on.
(sings)
The day that you died was a good day
(sings)
The day that you died was a good day
hundreds of people wished you on your way
Neil Gaimen wrote about you on his blog
and you and your girl ate mini corn dogs
oh goodbye 26 year old me
you made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards.
Oh thank you for all the hard work, Hank.
Oh thank you for all the hard work, Hank.
Your bank account swelled a lot before it shrank,
but you could have worked maybe a little bit harder,
yeah I could have used a few more thousand dollars.
Yeah goodbye 26 year old me.
You made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards.
You watched a lot of people get married.
You watched a lot of people get married.
John and Sarah, John and Amy,
Ethan and Sarah, Jason and Ashlee.
Holy crap, I bet they'll all have babies.
Oh goodbye 26 year old me,
you made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards
but now I reap the rewards
yeah now I reap the rewards!
The day that you died was a good day
The day that you died was a good day
(speaking) I hope you all enjoyed that because now I have bad news. Today we introduce a new feature to Brotherhood 2.0 we're adding this feature under less than ideal circumstances. Brotherhood 2.0 viewer Travis Bond has created the Foundation to Decrease World Suck's World Suck Index, which you can also find on the left hand side bar. And unfortunately the World Suck Index is debuting at suck level red. This is because Brotherhood 2.0 viewer Danny Chow has just loss his best friend. Danny's friend, Randy, recently beat cancer, but has now died of pneumonia, and I think that it's safe to say that this has increased suck levels pretty dramatically for Danny and for Randy's family. So, for the next two weeks, all donations to the Foundation to Decrease World Suck will be donated to Randy's family. John, I'll see you tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 3
Brotherhood 2.0: May 2: Book Banning
Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, May 3rd. No it's not, it's May 2nd, am I ever gonna get that right? I'm sitting in front of different books because change is good.
(sings) Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
Good work with the song. In fact Hank, you did such a good job with the song that I can't help but think that maybe you could write one song every two weeks for the rest of the project. Say, every time you have to do a Wednesday. That would be fun and also easy! And by easy I mean, you know, for me.
Hank, thanks also for standing in that line to get Neil Gaiman to say hi to me. Neil Gaiman signed more books on that day in Helena, Montana than I've signed in my entire career. I gotta start writing about Neil Gaiman stuff.
And speaking of books, there's big news out of the young adult literature world. Brotherhood 2.0 fan and future secret sister Maureen Johnson has just had a book banned in Oklahoma. Hank, the book in question is called The Bermudez Triangle. I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it...ahh in your pants! Ahhhh feels so good when you let it out. The Bermudez Triangle...in your pants.
Hank, the fact that The Bermudez Triangle is funny when you add "in your pants" is literally the dirtiest thing about the book. There is nothing in it that's inappropriate for teen readers. For that matter, there's not really anything in it that's inappropriate for like, 10 year-olds. Hank, one of the biggest problems with book banning isn't even the books that get banned, it's the books that don't get banned because they never get into libraries in the first place because people are scared that they're going to get banned. Part of the reason we have to fight challenges is so that librarians know that we're with them when they get challenged. The other main reason that we have to fight challenges is because it's absolutely ridiculous to ban The Bermudez Triangle from a high school library, when it doesn't even contain any, like, dirty words or dirty scenes or anything! All it contains is gay characters. Honestly Bartlesville Mid High School, are you seriously going to ban all books that contain gay characters from your high school library? Are you gonna ban Bridget Jones's Diary? The Color Purple? No Exit? Brideshead Revisited? Angels in America? The Picture of Dorian Gray?
No, I don't think novels should be removed from high school libraries simply because they have homosexual characters. If you agree with me, I put the email addresses of all the people who were on the committee, most of whom haven't even read the book, right there (points down), beneath my picture. Let's email them, and tell them that we won't stand for this.
And then Hank, if they don't email us back, we can call them on Friday. I do have their phone numbers. I'll see you tomorrow.
(sings) Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
Good work with the song. In fact Hank, you did such a good job with the song that I can't help but think that maybe you could write one song every two weeks for the rest of the project. Say, every time you have to do a Wednesday. That would be fun and also easy! And by easy I mean, you know, for me.
Hank, thanks also for standing in that line to get Neil Gaiman to say hi to me. Neil Gaiman signed more books on that day in Helena, Montana than I've signed in my entire career. I gotta start writing about Neil Gaiman stuff.
And speaking of books, there's big news out of the young adult literature world. Brotherhood 2.0 fan and future secret sister Maureen Johnson has just had a book banned in Oklahoma. Hank, the book in question is called The Bermudez Triangle. I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it...ahh in your pants! Ahhhh feels so good when you let it out. The Bermudez Triangle...in your pants.
Hank, the fact that The Bermudez Triangle is funny when you add "in your pants" is literally the dirtiest thing about the book. There is nothing in it that's inappropriate for teen readers. For that matter, there's not really anything in it that's inappropriate for like, 10 year-olds. Hank, one of the biggest problems with book banning isn't even the books that get banned, it's the books that don't get banned because they never get into libraries in the first place because people are scared that they're going to get banned. Part of the reason we have to fight challenges is so that librarians know that we're with them when they get challenged. The other main reason that we have to fight challenges is because it's absolutely ridiculous to ban The Bermudez Triangle from a high school library, when it doesn't even contain any, like, dirty words or dirty scenes or anything! All it contains is gay characters. Honestly Bartlesville Mid High School, are you seriously going to ban all books that contain gay characters from your high school library? Are you gonna ban Bridget Jones's Diary? The Color Purple? No Exit? Brideshead Revisited? Angels in America? The Picture of Dorian Gray?
No, I don't think novels should be removed from high school libraries simply because they have homosexual characters. If you agree with me, I put the email addresses of all the people who were on the committee, most of whom haven't even read the book, right there (points down), beneath my picture. Let's email them, and tell them that we won't stand for this.
And then Hank, if they don't email us back, we can call them on Friday. I do have their phone numbers. I'll see you tomorrow.
May 1st: Neil Gaimen in Helena
Woman: With no further ado, give it up for Neil! (applause)
Neil Gaiman: Good morning John, it is Tuesday, May 1st.
Hank: That was New York Times bestselling author, Hugo Award winner, Nebula Award winner, and all around awesome Nerdfighter-guy Neil Gaiman! Now I know that you're a writer and that you hang out with writers and that you always have good writers on Brotherhood 2.0, but now? I've got one! I may have had to wait in a very, very long line to get one, but I got one. And he's sayin' 'hi'.
Congratulations to Coe! LA Times Book Award, that's a big deal. Congratulations to you, John, for getting nominated. And since I know a lot of the Nerdfighters are Neil Gaiman fans, and I know a lot of the Nerdfighters want to someday be writers, I think I'm going to share with you a clip from Neil's lecture that I surreptitiously captured. Someone asked him if there was really anything better than seeing your name on the spine of a book. And having watched you go through this, John, I can attest that he is right. I'm actually pretty sure that you fell victim to Gaiman's law, which says that as soon as your first book is published, you will go to the bookstore, and open the book to a random page on which you will find possibly the only typographical error in your entire book. And then you will want to kill yourself. So here is Neil talking about being an author:
Neil Gaiman: It's not another day at the office. It's, it's magic. It's, You know, I can't think of- there's nothing else I would want to do. Um, it's every bit as good as you think it would be. But... it's like all of those things that when you're a kid you think 'If I just do that once... who would ever need anything more, ever?' It's like when you're fourteen and you finally figure out what sex is. And then you cannot for the life of you understand why adults do anything else.
Hank: So there you have it. Thanks for challenging me to write more songs. As a commenter pointed out, it is actually kind of difficult and requires lots of creative energy. So, I can't guarantee anything. Umm... sometimes you just draw a blank, right? So there were other reasons besides Neil Gaiman that I was in Helena, Montana.
(singing echo) Helena, Montana.
Hank: That was, weird. Did you--?
(echo) Helena, Montana.
Hank: Wh--oh, oh, I--okay I think, I think it's time for a song!
(echo) Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
Gold and cows and chopping trees,
Neil Gaiman: Good morning John, it is Tuesday, May 1st.
Hank: That was New York Times bestselling author, Hugo Award winner, Nebula Award winner, and all around awesome Nerdfighter-guy Neil Gaiman! Now I know that you're a writer and that you hang out with writers and that you always have good writers on Brotherhood 2.0, but now? I've got one! I may have had to wait in a very, very long line to get one, but I got one. And he's sayin' 'hi'.
Congratulations to Coe! LA Times Book Award, that's a big deal. Congratulations to you, John, for getting nominated. And since I know a lot of the Nerdfighters are Neil Gaiman fans, and I know a lot of the Nerdfighters want to someday be writers, I think I'm going to share with you a clip from Neil's lecture that I surreptitiously captured. Someone asked him if there was really anything better than seeing your name on the spine of a book. And having watched you go through this, John, I can attest that he is right. I'm actually pretty sure that you fell victim to Gaiman's law, which says that as soon as your first book is published, you will go to the bookstore, and open the book to a random page on which you will find possibly the only typographical error in your entire book. And then you will want to kill yourself. So here is Neil talking about being an author:
Neil Gaiman: It's not another day at the office. It's, it's magic. It's, You know, I can't think of- there's nothing else I would want to do. Um, it's every bit as good as you think it would be. But... it's like all of those things that when you're a kid you think 'If I just do that once... who would ever need anything more, ever?' It's like when you're fourteen and you finally figure out what sex is. And then you cannot for the life of you understand why adults do anything else.
Hank: So there you have it. Thanks for challenging me to write more songs. As a commenter pointed out, it is actually kind of difficult and requires lots of creative energy. So, I can't guarantee anything. Umm... sometimes you just draw a blank, right? So there were other reasons besides Neil Gaiman that I was in Helena, Montana.
(singing echo) Helena, Montana.
Hank: That was, weird. Did you--?
(echo) Helena, Montana.
Hank: Wh--oh, oh, I--okay I think, I think it's time for a song!
(echo) Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
Gold and cows and chopping trees,
these are the industries
of Helena, Montana!
They serve your eggs with butter
They serve your eggs with butter
and there were Peeps in the gutter.
Oh, Helena, Montana.
Helena, Montana.
We played frisbee at the capitol,
Helena, Montana.
We played frisbee at the capitol,
and looked at lots of belt buckles.
Helena, Montana.
Please check your guns at the door,
Helena, Montana.
Please check your guns at the door,
fat guy in a candy store.
Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
(spoken) Well, I don't know if that was anything like as catchy the Helen Hunt song but maybe it'll bump it out of some of you guys' heads. Still no progress on that me not being paid for my work front. Uh... I'm very excited that Coe Booth thinks I'm hot. And I'd like to say 'hi' to Francesca Lia Block. And to all of the other amazing people who said hi to me in the last video blog. Hello to you all! We may not be famous, but we got famous people on the Brotherhood. I'll see you tomorrow!
Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
(spoken) Well, I don't know if that was anything like as catchy the Helen Hunt song but maybe it'll bump it out of some of you guys' heads. Still no progress on that me not being paid for my work front. Uh... I'm very excited that Coe Booth thinks I'm hot. And I'd like to say 'hi' to Francesca Lia Block. And to all of the other amazing people who said hi to me in the last video blog. Hello to you all! We may not be famous, but we got famous people on the Brotherhood. I'll see you tomorrow!
Brotherhood 2.0: April 30: Hellos from Los Angeles
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, April 30th. A lot of people wanted to say hi to you this weekend, so I let em.
Tobin Anderson: Hey there Hank, umm, this time I'm not hanging from a fire escape being chased by police, so this is really an improvement.
Cecil Castellucci: Hi Hank, how are you?
John: Say Hi, Coe.
Coe Booth: Hi Coe
Sonya Sones: Good morning Hank
Dana Reinhardt: Good morning Hank
Julie Strauss-Gabel: Hi Hank!
T. Cooper: Good morning Hank (eats fruit)
Now that my editor and a bunch of other authors have said hello to you, I have a surprise.
Francesca: Good morning Hank, and good morning Kelly, this is Francesca, hi. Have a really good day.
Hank, that was Francesca Lia Block, the author of Weetzie Bat, a book I know you like, and I know I like, and I also know that Brotherhood2.0 viewer Kelly likes. Speaking of Francesca Lia Block, Judy Blume might have just been knocked out of my Guilt Free Three. And now for our final introduction:
Coe: Rootsy Hank, I think you're really cute, and I know you're married already, but-
Hank, as you mentioned in your video last week, it was totally massively illegal for me to try to record the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes on video, so I had to do it really surreptitiously, and as you can see I did a really wonderful job with the camera work (shot of ceiling) I don't like to brag, but if they give out a Los Angeles Times Book Prize for the best bootleg recording of the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes, I am definitely going to win.
(more footage) So first Jackie Woodson, the presenter, introduced each of the five finalists: The Rules of Survival, Tyrell, The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, An Abundance of Katherines, and Just in Case. And then came the moment we'd all been waiting for, and by we I mean the thirty people in the audience who care about Young Adult literature.
(in footage)
announcer: Coe Booth.
John: Yaaaay!
Coe: It is my hope that it will fall into the hands of those kids who really do not see themselves represented in literature often.
(back in bed) And my hope also. Congratulations, Coe.
Moving on. Hank, I have a challenge for you. The Yeti and I have both been singing the Helen Hunt song pretty much non stop for the last five days. I wanna give you a brief sense of what it's like to be at our house right now:
(shot of home) aren't you nervous about trying to find a house?
The Yeti: God, so nervous.
John: (sigh, sings) Helen Hunt Helen Hunt
(in bed) Anyway Hank we sing the song constantly. We can't get it out of our heads. The only problem is that we can't quite sing it in key because it seems to have been written in the key of awesome. And so Hank, that brings me to my challenge. I would like to challenge you to make more songs! Lots more! But what I need right now is for you to write a song that will replace the Helen Hunt song because it's starting to burn a hole in my head.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh hey, Hank, by the way, you know what's funnier than dogs in New York? (shot of dog in sundress) That's right. Dogs in Los Angeles. Look at it, Hank! It's a chihuahua that seems to be married to a 19th century plantation owner!
Tobin Anderson: Hey there Hank, umm, this time I'm not hanging from a fire escape being chased by police, so this is really an improvement.
Cecil Castellucci: Hi Hank, how are you?
John: Say Hi, Coe.
Coe Booth: Hi Coe
Sonya Sones: Good morning Hank
Dana Reinhardt: Good morning Hank
Julie Strauss-Gabel: Hi Hank!
T. Cooper: Good morning Hank (eats fruit)
Now that my editor and a bunch of other authors have said hello to you, I have a surprise.
Francesca: Good morning Hank, and good morning Kelly, this is Francesca, hi. Have a really good day.
Hank, that was Francesca Lia Block, the author of Weetzie Bat, a book I know you like, and I know I like, and I also know that Brotherhood2.0 viewer Kelly likes. Speaking of Francesca Lia Block, Judy Blume might have just been knocked out of my Guilt Free Three. And now for our final introduction:
Coe: Rootsy Hank, I think you're really cute, and I know you're married already, but-
Hank, as you mentioned in your video last week, it was totally massively illegal for me to try to record the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes on video, so I had to do it really surreptitiously, and as you can see I did a really wonderful job with the camera work (shot of ceiling) I don't like to brag, but if they give out a Los Angeles Times Book Prize for the best bootleg recording of the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes, I am definitely going to win.
(more footage) So first Jackie Woodson, the presenter, introduced each of the five finalists: The Rules of Survival, Tyrell, The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, An Abundance of Katherines, and Just in Case. And then came the moment we'd all been waiting for, and by we I mean the thirty people in the audience who care about Young Adult literature.
(in footage)
announcer: Coe Booth.
John: Yaaaay!
Coe: It is my hope that it will fall into the hands of those kids who really do not see themselves represented in literature often.
(back in bed) And my hope also. Congratulations, Coe.
Moving on. Hank, I have a challenge for you. The Yeti and I have both been singing the Helen Hunt song pretty much non stop for the last five days. I wanna give you a brief sense of what it's like to be at our house right now:
(shot of home) aren't you nervous about trying to find a house?
The Yeti: God, so nervous.
John: (sigh, sings) Helen Hunt Helen Hunt
(in bed) Anyway Hank we sing the song constantly. We can't get it out of our heads. The only problem is that we can't quite sing it in key because it seems to have been written in the key of awesome. And so Hank, that brings me to my challenge. I would like to challenge you to make more songs! Lots more! But what I need right now is for you to write a song that will replace the Helen Hunt song because it's starting to burn a hole in my head.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh hey, Hank, by the way, you know what's funnier than dogs in New York? (shot of dog in sundress) That's right. Dogs in Los Angeles. Look at it, Hank! It's a chihuahua that seems to be married to a 19th century plantation owner!
Friday the 13th: Step it Up!
Good Morning John, it's Friday April 13th. I don't know very much about Kurt Vonnegut, but it's pretty clear that the English nerdfighters do, and with them I mourn. In times of mourning, it's easy to concentrate on the increase of worldsuck, but Brotherhood 2.0 isn't about recognizing when suck levels increase, it's about decreasing suck levels. This stuff on my head is for Kurt Vonnegut, but this video is for decreasing worldsuck.
(is wearing a compact fluorescent lightbulb on his head) Let's spend a little bit of time talking about global warming. As my last video showed, I spend an awful lot of time thinking about global warming, and while a vast majority of Americans have decided that global warming is a really big deal and that we really need to do something about it, so far no one is doing anything about it. I mean, we are individually, people are buying Priuses and turning off lights and using compact florescent lightbulbs, which I heartily encourage you to do. What needs to be done, can't be done just by individuals. There are pretty much three types of entities in the world: there are people, there are corporations, and there are governments. We got the people. We need the corporations and the governments. And I'll tell you what, it feels like we have the corporations more than we have the government, which is just screwed up! So if you want to talk about decreasing suck levels worldwide, we need to talk about decreasing temperatures worldwide, or at least decrease carbon emissions.
And just by coincidence, tomorrow is Step It Up Day. Step It Up is a campaign started by Bill McKibben, the guy who wrote that book I told you to read. Basically, its a campaign to say "Okay, Congress, uh, now we all agree that there's a problem, and you all agree that there's a problem, now you should do something." And the good news is that almost everybody can participate in a Step It Up event because they're like, they're everywhere. We've got one in Missoula, and one in Glacier, and one in Corvallis. I mean, in terms of Montana, thats like having three block parties on the same block. This is a big deal! There's like 400 of these things going on in New York City alone. Basically, everybody's getting together and having a bloddy fantastic time, trying not to emit very much carbon, and getting really angry at Congress! I mean, I love being angry at Congress.
John, I know that there's a bunch of these cool things going on in New York, and I challenge you to attend one of them. I want to see video of you at a Step It Up rally, even if you have to have a Step It Up rally of one, I want to see you asking Congress to step it up for 2007 and actually make some change. Also, I know there's some eco-nerdfighters out there, I want to see you guys stepping it up too. My personal step it up project, I am going to turn off my house. All of it... a-all of it, you won't see me on the internet, I won't be there because my house will be off. I will also be attending a rally in downtown Missoula and, uh I will be gardening, because that doesn't take any power, and it's a good thing to do anyways.
I have to go because this thing is falling off my head. I'll see you on Monday.
(is wearing a compact fluorescent lightbulb on his head) Let's spend a little bit of time talking about global warming. As my last video showed, I spend an awful lot of time thinking about global warming, and while a vast majority of Americans have decided that global warming is a really big deal and that we really need to do something about it, so far no one is doing anything about it. I mean, we are individually, people are buying Priuses and turning off lights and using compact florescent lightbulbs, which I heartily encourage you to do. What needs to be done, can't be done just by individuals. There are pretty much three types of entities in the world: there are people, there are corporations, and there are governments. We got the people. We need the corporations and the governments. And I'll tell you what, it feels like we have the corporations more than we have the government, which is just screwed up! So if you want to talk about decreasing suck levels worldwide, we need to talk about decreasing temperatures worldwide, or at least decrease carbon emissions.
And just by coincidence, tomorrow is Step It Up Day. Step It Up is a campaign started by Bill McKibben, the guy who wrote that book I told you to read. Basically, its a campaign to say "Okay, Congress, uh, now we all agree that there's a problem, and you all agree that there's a problem, now you should do something." And the good news is that almost everybody can participate in a Step It Up event because they're like, they're everywhere. We've got one in Missoula, and one in Glacier, and one in Corvallis. I mean, in terms of Montana, thats like having three block parties on the same block. This is a big deal! There's like 400 of these things going on in New York City alone. Basically, everybody's getting together and having a bloddy fantastic time, trying not to emit very much carbon, and getting really angry at Congress! I mean, I love being angry at Congress.
John, I know that there's a bunch of these cool things going on in New York, and I challenge you to attend one of them. I want to see video of you at a Step It Up rally, even if you have to have a Step It Up rally of one, I want to see you asking Congress to step it up for 2007 and actually make some change. Also, I know there's some eco-nerdfighters out there, I want to see you guys stepping it up too. My personal step it up project, I am going to turn off my house. All of it... a-all of it, you won't see me on the internet, I won't be there because my house will be off. I will also be attending a rally in downtown Missoula and, uh I will be gardening, because that doesn't take any power, and it's a good thing to do anyways.
I have to go because this thing is falling off my head. I'll see you on Monday.
Tuesday, November 2
Brotherhood 2.0: Giving Away Peeps
Good morning, John, it's Thursday, March 8th. I'm walking downtown to try and find some people to give Peeps to. There are technically a lot of people around but they're all in cars. I'm having a hard time getting them to notice me. Free peeps! Free, free Peeps, free, no? They're not stopping. It's kinda snowing and cold. I kind of hate you a lot. There's starting to be a lot more people around. This is the kinda town I live in. My general opinion is that it's going to be quite difficult to get rid of these Peeps. There are alot less people downtown then I thought there would be. I usually only go downtown at night so I kinda assumed that there would just be a bunch of college students who are kinda mostly drunk. But it's not drunk college students, it's business people and soccer-moms on errands. They don't look like they want Peeps. Also, I don't know how I'm going to film them because people usually aren't ok with that kind of thing. I think I'm gonna have to hide the camera. This looks like a pretty good place to hide a camera. Want one? Free Peeps?
Guy: You can't give those things away?
Hank: it's very difficult. You might wanna take some peeps home? They're free. Hi, do you like peeps? I don't mean to be creepy. She ran away from me. OK, I just got a bunch. (sings) All I am saying, is give peeps a chance. This isn't working.
Ok this looks promising, there's a bunch of punk-rockers down the street. But it's gonna be hard to record them. So I'm just going to turn the camera on and leave it in my pocket, you can hear what happens.
Hank: Hey guys. I've got a ridicoulus number of peeps.
Kurt: I would love some peeps.
Hank: I mean, I have like a hundred of them.
Kurt: Oh Damn, we'll competitevly eat amongst ourselves.
Hank: I've been trying to give them away all day and people were like "How dare you trying to give me peeps!"
Kurt: Oh well -- Nice.
Hank: You don't have to take all of them but I would appreciate if you did.
Kurt: Well we are going to. We're definitely going to.
Hank: I'm Hank by the way.
Kurt: I'm Kurt.
Hank: Hey Kurt,
Ok this looks promising, there's a bunch of punk-rockers down the street. But it's gonna be hard to record them. So I'm just going to turn the camera on and leave it in my pocket, you can hear what happens.
Hank: Hey guys. I've got a ridicoulus number of peeps.
Kurt: I would love some peeps.
Hank: I mean, I have like a hundred of them.
Kurt: Oh Damn, we'll competitevly eat amongst ourselves.
Hank: I've been trying to give them away all day and people were like "How dare you trying to give me peeps!"
Kurt: Oh well -- Nice.
Hank: You don't have to take all of them but I would appreciate if you did.
Kurt: Well we are going to. We're definitely going to.
Hank: I'm Hank by the way.
Kurt: I'm Kurt.
Hank: Hey Kurt,
Bret: I'm Bret, nice to meet you.
Machine gun: Machine gun.
Hank: Hey, Machinegun.
Hank: That's uhh.. twelve Peeps in your hand right now.
Kurt: Yep, twelve peeps.
Machine gun: What's going on.
Hank: I do not want you to choke yourself.
Machine gun: No, did you know he does this for a living. He's a freakshow. Watch, just watch. Focus.
Hank: Seriously, people die eating peeps all the time. -- I should be timing you.
Kurt: One more, man! Just put it in there.
Hank: Amazing how much your dog doesn't care about peeps. -- How're you feeling?
Kurt: That's alot of peeps. I feel like I have the staypuff-marshmallowman like fighting the Ghostbusters in my stomach. Thank you.
Hank: See you guys, Thank you very much.
Kurt: Yes, definetly.
Hank: Those guys were probably the most worthy recipients of Peeps I have ever seen.
So I went back and timed him. And it took him 1 and a half min to do what it took me 6 min to do. However, I actually felt really, really nauseous at the end. And I hope Kurt is ok because that was a lot of peeps really fast. Anyway, I have to keep this under 4 minutes, so I see you tomorrow.
Machine gun: Machine gun.
Hank: Hey, Machinegun.
Hank: That's uhh.. twelve Peeps in your hand right now.
Kurt: Yep, twelve peeps.
Machine gun: What's going on.
Hank: I do not want you to choke yourself.
Machine gun: No, did you know he does this for a living. He's a freakshow. Watch, just watch. Focus.
Hank: Seriously, people die eating peeps all the time. -- I should be timing you.
Kurt: One more, man! Just put it in there.
Hank: Amazing how much your dog doesn't care about peeps. -- How're you feeling?
Kurt: That's alot of peeps. I feel like I have the staypuff-marshmallowman like fighting the Ghostbusters in my stomach. Thank you.
Hank: See you guys, Thank you very much.
Kurt: Yes, definetly.
Hank: Those guys were probably the most worthy recipients of Peeps I have ever seen.
So I went back and timed him. And it took him 1 and a half min to do what it took me 6 min to do. However, I actually felt really, really nauseous at the end. And I hope Kurt is ok because that was a lot of peeps really fast. Anyway, I have to keep this under 4 minutes, so I see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: March 7, 2007: Stress
Guy: Good morning, Hank!
Hank, those warm wishes come from Uncle Grambo of Whatevs.org. He and I were out quite late last night at Lindsey Robertson's birthday party. In an unrelated story, I don't feel very well. Thanks for doing such a great job with the Peeps punishment, I look forward to its completion tomorrow; and I'm pleased that the Brotherhood 2.0 Foundation for Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide is off to a roaring start thanks to your complete inability to eat Peeps quickly.
(John's rubbing his hands across his face) Phew. Hank, you may be wondering why today's video is a little late. It's because I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and I've had a very busy day. First, I spent three hours at the eye doctor. It was like this (a clip of a bored John) only it lasted much, much longer. Then they dilated my eyes so I couldn't see anything. (clip of John wiping his cheeks) Then, in a dimly lit room, my doctor told me I probably had nothing to worry about. (clip of John in dimly lit room)
I probably have nothing to worry about? If I probably have nothing to worry about, then I DEFINITELY have something to worry about. Don't tell me I probably have nothing to worry about; that's not helpful, tell me, "You're fine! Congratulations, good work on those eyes, kid." Then on the way home I talked on the phone to you during a terrible traffic jam (John in taxi, on phone) "Well, I know that certainly you didn't competively eat the Peeps."
Then I left my cell phone in his car. But because he's the world's nicest cab driver, he drove to my house and gave it to me. So everything worked out fine! I probably have nothing to worry about, and I lost my cell phone but then I got it back! I shouldn't be worried, I should be happy, so why am I worried? There's just this big bundle of stress that I can never get rid of.
I blame dad. I mean, if dad hadn't had cancer when he was my age, I probably wouldn't worry about having cancer. By the way, did you know you can get eyeball cancer? Very rare. You probably won't get it. BUT YOU MIGHT!
Then there's the big worry in my life that isn't even my worry; which is that the Yeti is working on her Master's thesis and it's extremely hard and extremely stressful and it just sort of occupies your whole life. I've never seen someone work so hard on something. This morning, I woke up and Sarah had written herself a to-do list on a post it, I want to read you that to do list:
-See picture of Dorian Gray at Butler Library.
Hank, those warm wishes come from Uncle Grambo of Whatevs.org. He and I were out quite late last night at Lindsey Robertson's birthday party. In an unrelated story, I don't feel very well. Thanks for doing such a great job with the Peeps punishment, I look forward to its completion tomorrow; and I'm pleased that the Brotherhood 2.0 Foundation for Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide is off to a roaring start thanks to your complete inability to eat Peeps quickly.
(John's rubbing his hands across his face) Phew. Hank, you may be wondering why today's video is a little late. It's because I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and I've had a very busy day. First, I spent three hours at the eye doctor. It was like this (a clip of a bored John) only it lasted much, much longer. Then they dilated my eyes so I couldn't see anything. (clip of John wiping his cheeks) Then, in a dimly lit room, my doctor told me I probably had nothing to worry about. (clip of John in dimly lit room)
I probably have nothing to worry about? If I probably have nothing to worry about, then I DEFINITELY have something to worry about. Don't tell me I probably have nothing to worry about; that's not helpful, tell me, "You're fine! Congratulations, good work on those eyes, kid." Then on the way home I talked on the phone to you during a terrible traffic jam (John in taxi, on phone) "Well, I know that certainly you didn't competively eat the Peeps."
Then I left my cell phone in his car. But because he's the world's nicest cab driver, he drove to my house and gave it to me. So everything worked out fine! I probably have nothing to worry about, and I lost my cell phone but then I got it back! I shouldn't be worried, I should be happy, so why am I worried? There's just this big bundle of stress that I can never get rid of.
I blame dad. I mean, if dad hadn't had cancer when he was my age, I probably wouldn't worry about having cancer. By the way, did you know you can get eyeball cancer? Very rare. You probably won't get it. BUT YOU MIGHT!
Then there's the big worry in my life that isn't even my worry; which is that the Yeti is working on her Master's thesis and it's extremely hard and extremely stressful and it just sort of occupies your whole life. I've never seen someone work so hard on something. This morning, I woke up and Sarah had written herself a to-do list on a post it, I want to read you that to do list:
-See picture of Dorian Gray at Butler Library.
-Pay bills.
-Call in to question the ideology of class
Call in to question the ideology of class? That sounds hard! I wish I could say I was stressed out because I was calling into question the ideology of class. I'm just stressed out because I have to do laundry. And, I might have eyeball cancer. I'll see you tomorrow.
Call in to question the ideology of class? That sounds hard! I wish I could say I was stressed out because I was calling into question the ideology of class. I'm just stressed out because I have to do laundry. And, I might have eyeball cancer. I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: February 27, 2007: Horseradish Challenge
(outside) Good morning, Hank. It’s Friday, February 25th. I’m extremely tired, it’s extremely early, and I’m on my way to go to the grocery store to buy horseradish. (at home) Friday, February 25th? Jesus, I must be really tired. Either that, or I’ve traveled forward in time to the year 2011. It’s Tuesday, February 27th.
Hank, if you’re wondering why I’m so tired, it’s because I stayed up way past my bedtime last night. Why was I up so late? Because I was cataloguing my books on librarything.com! (does Nerdfighters sign) Nerdfighters! Hank, before I start my challenge, I want to give you one. The challenge I want to give you is to do something awesome with Nerdfighters. (does Nerdfighters sign) Nerdfighters! Our viewers have had some excellent ideas for how to do this.
Oh, by the way, Sarah doesn’t own any hats except for baseball caps, so I’m not going to be wearing a hat. However, I will show you a special treat. (Shows his little tuft of hair)
Hank, if you’re wondering why I’m so tired, it’s because I stayed up way past my bedtime last night. Why was I up so late? Because I was cataloguing my books on librarything.com! (does Nerdfighters sign) Nerdfighters! Hank, before I start my challenge, I want to give you one. The challenge I want to give you is to do something awesome with Nerdfighters. (does Nerdfighters sign) Nerdfighters! Our viewers have had some excellent ideas for how to do this.
Oh, by the way, Sarah doesn’t own any hats except for baseball caps, so I’m not going to be wearing a hat. However, I will show you a special treat. (Shows his little tuft of hair)
(singing the theme song to "Blossom") Don’t fight the feeling; you know you want to have a good time! And in my opinionation, the sun is gonna surely shine.
Do you mean the sun will shine eventually? Because that’s not just your opinionation; that’s also a reasonable assumption. I mean, in my opinionation, the sun will surely rise and set…and give off heat.
Hank, I have here one teaspoon of horseradish. I’ve never eaten this stuff before, but Sarah says that it’s gonna be pretty hard. (smells and coughs) That’ll wake you up in the morning. (Talking to the Yeti) Should I try to do it all at once, or should I just try to just do it in little bites?
The Yeti: All at once.
John: No, I’m gonna try little bites first. You’re trying to trick me! It looks like mayonnaise. I hate mayonnaise. (Licks and coughs) It’s really bad! It’s. Alright. (Licks and coughs, then licks and pounds leg, repeats and groans) I just have to do this. I have to do this. I have to… (licks) This is the worst. This is worse…this is…this is like waxing your chin, only longer. (scoops the rest with his first two fingers) I have this much left. (stares at it) Do it. (quickly licks from fingers, has trouble swallowing, The Yeti laughs) Aaaahhh! (pounds leg with fist) Oww! (drinks a large gulp of water)
That was horrible. But I did it; I did it! I did it! (clutches stomach) Oh, my stomach hurts so bad! Oh, my God.
Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
Do you mean the sun will shine eventually? Because that’s not just your opinionation; that’s also a reasonable assumption. I mean, in my opinionation, the sun will surely rise and set…and give off heat.
Hank, I have here one teaspoon of horseradish. I’ve never eaten this stuff before, but Sarah says that it’s gonna be pretty hard. (smells and coughs) That’ll wake you up in the morning. (Talking to the Yeti) Should I try to do it all at once, or should I just try to just do it in little bites?
The Yeti: All at once.
John: No, I’m gonna try little bites first. You’re trying to trick me! It looks like mayonnaise. I hate mayonnaise. (Licks and coughs) It’s really bad! It’s. Alright. (Licks and coughs, then licks and pounds leg, repeats and groans) I just have to do this. I have to do this. I have to… (licks) This is the worst. This is worse…this is…this is like waxing your chin, only longer. (scoops the rest with his first two fingers) I have this much left. (stares at it) Do it. (quickly licks from fingers, has trouble swallowing, The Yeti laughs) Aaaahhh! (pounds leg with fist) Oww! (drinks a large gulp of water)
That was horrible. But I did it; I did it! I did it! (clutches stomach) Oh, my stomach hurts so bad! Oh, my God.
Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: Earwax
Good morning, class! It’s Monday, February 26th, and I’d like to introduce you to my brother, John. John, this is Billy,
Billy (Hank in cowboy hat, sitting on the right side of a couch, weird voice): Good morning, Mr. Green.
Hank: Susie,
Susie (Hank in girl’s hat, sitting in the middle of the couch, girly Southern voice): Morning, Mr. Green.
Hank: And Tony.
Tony (Hank in backwards baseball cap, slouching on the left side of the couch): ‘Sup, dude?
Hank: Now as we all can see, this weekend I underwent a campaign to decrease the weight of my head. In order to do this, I had several thousand things removed from my head. Now, most of those things, as you might guess, were hairs. But some of them were not. Class, can you guess what else, besides hair, I had removed from my head?
Billy: Ooh! Me! Me! (raising his hand)
Hank: Yes, Billy.
Billy: Boogers and snot.
Hank: Actually, yeah. I mean, I… I hadn’t act…I hadn’t thought of that. But, yeah, I did take some boogers and snot out of my nose.
Susie: (raising her hand) Mr. Green?
Hank: Alright, Miss Susie.
Susie: When my momma came out of jail; she had almost all of her teeth taken out.
Hank: (groans) Susie, I think that all of us, together, if we can practice good oral hygiene, we can avoid such problems. No, I didn’t have any teeth taken out, but good guess!
Tony: (raises hand) Yeah, okay.
Hank: Tony?
Tony: I’m gonna guess… earwax?
Hank: Umm, yeah. So, as Tony somehow guessed, I had a large amount of earwax removed from my head this weekend. And I am guessing that its mass was considerably more than the mass of hair that I had removed from my head, and so, indeed, was an effective measure in the fight to make my head weigh less. Also, the removal of the earwax ensured that I could hear again, which is very nice. Now, I actually managed to smuggle my video camera into the doctor’s office, and asked the doctor if I could record the procedure. And he said no. Using my wily ways, I convinced the doctor that it was, indeed, a good idea to call the attendant out from the lobby and record me getting my ear irrigation. I have to warn you that some of this footage may be disturbing and may indeed induce nausea. I will give warnings at appropriate times for you to close your eyes.
(inside the doctor’s office)
Doctor: Want to do some videotaping of the ear irrigating? (while looking in Hank’s left ear) He’s got some serious impaction.
Hank: Let’s make it seem as severe as possible.
Doctor: (with a large syringe in his hand) Pardon me. (injects liquid into Hank’s ear, while Hank laughs nervously and holds a small pink container to his ear)
Hank: Okay. Ay-ay-ay! Something- happened. (back at home) That something that just happened was the earwax popping off my tympanic membrane.
Billy (Hank in cowboy hat, sitting on the right side of a couch, weird voice): Good morning, Mr. Green.
Hank: Susie,
Susie (Hank in girl’s hat, sitting in the middle of the couch, girly Southern voice): Morning, Mr. Green.
Hank: And Tony.
Tony (Hank in backwards baseball cap, slouching on the left side of the couch): ‘Sup, dude?
Hank: Now as we all can see, this weekend I underwent a campaign to decrease the weight of my head. In order to do this, I had several thousand things removed from my head. Now, most of those things, as you might guess, were hairs. But some of them were not. Class, can you guess what else, besides hair, I had removed from my head?
Billy: Ooh! Me! Me! (raising his hand)
Hank: Yes, Billy.
Billy: Boogers and snot.
Hank: Actually, yeah. I mean, I… I hadn’t act…I hadn’t thought of that. But, yeah, I did take some boogers and snot out of my nose.
Susie: (raising her hand) Mr. Green?
Hank: Alright, Miss Susie.
Susie: When my momma came out of jail; she had almost all of her teeth taken out.
Hank: (groans) Susie, I think that all of us, together, if we can practice good oral hygiene, we can avoid such problems. No, I didn’t have any teeth taken out, but good guess!
Tony: (raises hand) Yeah, okay.
Hank: Tony?
Tony: I’m gonna guess… earwax?
Hank: Umm, yeah. So, as Tony somehow guessed, I had a large amount of earwax removed from my head this weekend. And I am guessing that its mass was considerably more than the mass of hair that I had removed from my head, and so, indeed, was an effective measure in the fight to make my head weigh less. Also, the removal of the earwax ensured that I could hear again, which is very nice. Now, I actually managed to smuggle my video camera into the doctor’s office, and asked the doctor if I could record the procedure. And he said no. Using my wily ways, I convinced the doctor that it was, indeed, a good idea to call the attendant out from the lobby and record me getting my ear irrigation. I have to warn you that some of this footage may be disturbing and may indeed induce nausea. I will give warnings at appropriate times for you to close your eyes.
(inside the doctor’s office)
Doctor: Want to do some videotaping of the ear irrigating? (while looking in Hank’s left ear) He’s got some serious impaction.
Hank: Let’s make it seem as severe as possible.
Doctor: (with a large syringe in his hand) Pardon me. (injects liquid into Hank’s ear, while Hank laughs nervously and holds a small pink container to his ear)
Hank: Okay. Ay-ay-ay! Something- happened. (back at home) That something that just happened was the earwax popping off my tympanic membrane.
Doctor: Uh, it's workin it's way out. It’s huge!
Hank: Oh, This is exciting.
Doctor: Oh, look at the birth!
Hank: (back at home) Now, it’s starting to get gross, so those who are a little bit squeamish might want to close their eyes. (in the doctor’s office, close-up on Hank’s ear, the doctor prods a large chunk of earwax with the tip of the syringe) Oh, I’m really glad that I’m going to be able to see this. (at home) You’re reaching the penultimate grossness, so you should definitely close your eyes now. (in the office) You guys could be more disgusting; that would be fine. (the doctor pulls out a huge amount of earwax) (at home) Okay, you guys can open your eyes now. (in the office) Oh, my God, I can hear.
(at home, Hank rubs his ear) Seriously, that was an amazing experience. I feel like that was almost a challenge that you should have given me. Like, go to the doctor’s office and have something horrible done to you and videotape it. So, while I’m feeling like I just did a challenge, I’m gonna give you one. (scratches inside of right ear) I wonder if this one’s a little gummy? Maybe I should go back in.
Susie: So, John, I challenge you to find a hat like Miss Susie’s and, while wearing it, eat one teaspoon of horseradish, and then sing the last two lines to the theme song to Blossom.
Billy: I’ll see you tomorrow.
Hank: Oh, This is exciting.
Doctor: Oh, look at the birth!
Hank: (back at home) Now, it’s starting to get gross, so those who are a little bit squeamish might want to close their eyes. (in the doctor’s office, close-up on Hank’s ear, the doctor prods a large chunk of earwax with the tip of the syringe) Oh, I’m really glad that I’m going to be able to see this. (at home) You’re reaching the penultimate grossness, so you should definitely close your eyes now. (in the office) You guys could be more disgusting; that would be fine. (the doctor pulls out a huge amount of earwax) (at home) Okay, you guys can open your eyes now. (in the office) Oh, my God, I can hear.
(at home, Hank rubs his ear) Seriously, that was an amazing experience. I feel like that was almost a challenge that you should have given me. Like, go to the doctor’s office and have something horrible done to you and videotape it. So, while I’m feeling like I just did a challenge, I’m gonna give you one. (scratches inside of right ear) I wonder if this one’s a little gummy? Maybe I should go back in.
Susie: So, John, I challenge you to find a hat like Miss Susie’s and, while wearing it, eat one teaspoon of horseradish, and then sing the last two lines to the theme song to Blossom.
Billy: I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: February 15, 2007
A bunch of high school students: Good morning, Hank! It’s Thursday!
John: Hank, after a long delay because of snow in Columbus, Ohio, I finally reached Houston, Texas, where, by the grace of God, it is not snowing. There was one really cool thing about the Columbus airport, though. They had Nerd Fighters! (shot of the Nerd Fighters game) Nerd Fighters!
Here’s my question about Nerd Fighters: Is Nerd Fighters a game about people who fight against nerds, or is it a game about nerds who fight against other people? I’ve come to believe that Nerd Fighters is a game about nerds who fight. Nerds who tackle the scourge of popular people. And I’ve been thinking to myself: this would be a great video game! It could be, like, a mix between Mortal Kombat and Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out. Like, first you pick your character. Everyone would totally have their own special powers. Like, the band geek would be like, “I will destroy your ears with my tuba!” And the theatre guy would be like, “I am an expert at sword-fighting!” And the English nerd would be like, umm, “I know a lot of Shakespeare quotes!” Using the English nerd when you’re playing Nerd Fighters is kind of like using Toad when you’re playing Super Mario Kart.
So you would pick your Nerd Fighter and then you would go to war with popular people. The Mike Tyson of the game would be the quarterback of the high school football team. And you’d have to dodge his uppercuts (dodges) and dodge his uppercuts and dodge his uppercuts and then jab! I mean, to be honest, I’ve never even really understood the war between nerds and popular people. Like, who do…who do…who do you guys got?
John: Hank, after a long delay because of snow in Columbus, Ohio, I finally reached Houston, Texas, where, by the grace of God, it is not snowing. There was one really cool thing about the Columbus airport, though. They had Nerd Fighters! (shot of the Nerd Fighters game) Nerd Fighters!
Here’s my question about Nerd Fighters: Is Nerd Fighters a game about people who fight against nerds, or is it a game about nerds who fight against other people? I’ve come to believe that Nerd Fighters is a game about nerds who fight. Nerds who tackle the scourge of popular people. And I’ve been thinking to myself: this would be a great video game! It could be, like, a mix between Mortal Kombat and Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out. Like, first you pick your character. Everyone would totally have their own special powers. Like, the band geek would be like, “I will destroy your ears with my tuba!” And the theatre guy would be like, “I am an expert at sword-fighting!” And the English nerd would be like, umm, “I know a lot of Shakespeare quotes!” Using the English nerd when you’re playing Nerd Fighters is kind of like using Toad when you’re playing Super Mario Kart.
So you would pick your Nerd Fighter and then you would go to war with popular people. The Mike Tyson of the game would be the quarterback of the high school football team. And you’d have to dodge his uppercuts (dodges) and dodge his uppercuts and dodge his uppercuts and then jab! I mean, to be honest, I’ve never even really understood the war between nerds and popular people. Like, who do…who do…who do you guys got?
Glasses off, not a nerd: Umm…we’ve got George W. Bush and, like, Tom Brady.
Nerd: Oh, okay. Well, I see your George W. Bush with Bill Clinton, and I raise you an Abraham Lincoln and a Franklin Delano Roosevelt. And, I can easily see your Tom Brady with the thinking man’s football player, Tiki Barber, and I think I can raise you, hmm, an Isaac Newton, a William Shakespeare, a Blaise Pascal, an Albert Einstein, an Immanuel Kant, an Aristotle, a Jane Austen, a Bill Gates, a Mahatma Ghandi, a Nelson Mandela, and all four Beatles.
We win! And yet, Hank, the war continues. You know what we need for Nerd Fighters? We need a theme song:
(singing) We’ve got calculators and trombones.
Nerd: Oh, okay. Well, I see your George W. Bush with Bill Clinton, and I raise you an Abraham Lincoln and a Franklin Delano Roosevelt. And, I can easily see your Tom Brady with the thinking man’s football player, Tiki Barber, and I think I can raise you, hmm, an Isaac Newton, a William Shakespeare, a Blaise Pascal, an Albert Einstein, an Immanuel Kant, an Aristotle, a Jane Austen, a Bill Gates, a Mahatma Ghandi, a Nelson Mandela, and all four Beatles.
We win! And yet, Hank, the war continues. You know what we need for Nerd Fighters? We need a theme song:
(singing) We’ve got calculators and trombones.
We’ve got D&D and Star Wars drones.
They’re in their original box, too, which makes them a lot more valuable.
Nerd Fighters! We’re fighting nerds! [flexes arms]
We’re no longer just using our words.
Although, by and large, we are really articulate, so
When I’m not watching Battlestar Gallactica,
I’m designing weapons that’ll kick your asstica.
Nerd Fighters! We fight within our brains!
Nerd Fighters! We bring the frakkin’ pain.
It’s a reference to a sci-fi show. I don’t know…
I mean, maybe you never saw it, but it was really…
it was a really good show.
Umm, I liked it a lot, umm, and some of my friends liked it.
I mean, not…they’re not real friends.
I just know them on the Internet.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Hank, now that you’ve successfully completed the Strawberry Hill challenge, I fell like it’s time that we had some more challenges. So maybe you or our viewers can start suggesting some.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Hank, now that you’ve successfully completed the Strawberry Hill challenge, I fell like it’s time that we had some more challenges. So maybe you or our viewers can start suggesting some.
Brotherhood 2.0: February 14th
Good morning, John. It’s Wednesday, February 14th. I’m back in Montana for real this time. It’s cold; can you see my breath? (blows several times) And it’s snowing. I’ve returned home to a bit of a disaster. My hard drive is corrupt and I think I might have to go get a new computer, but today is Valentine’s Day, so I feel kind of bad taking my wife to Best Buy when I should be taking her to, I don’t know, wherever you go on Valentine’s Day. I should probably make some kind of plan.
(in his basement) I’ve come down to the basement; it’s cold out there. Actually, Valentine’s Day is a pretty exciting day for me because, while in high school, I deciphered the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. Using a little bit of back-of-the-napkin etymology…etymology? Entomology? Etymology? Etymology. I worked out the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. The word “Valentine” comes from two roots: the word Valen and the word tine. Now, most of us know what a tine is. It’s one of these. (holds up a fork and points to one of the tines. puts the fork in his glasses) This fork has four tines. (fork no longer in glasses) Tine comes from the word “Zinne,” which is a German word that means pinnacle or point. Now, the word “Valen” is less well known. Babylon 5 aficionados will tell you that Valen was the Minbari not born of Minbari who brought the thousand-year peace to the Minbari people after the Shadow war.
Thus, we have Valen, a semi-god of the Minbari people and time traveler, and the word pinnacle or point. My assumption must be that Valen came to earth in its past and brought us a slightly different message. And this message had something to do with Valen’s (raises finger and wiggles it) pinnacle. Thus, the romantic connotation. I believe that Valen visited earth sometime in the early 11th century and that his visit was responsible for a spike in the human population. Valen brought the message of his pinnacle (shows fork), which increased the birthrate, and gave us a romantic holiday to celebrate. Happy Valen’s Penis Day! Is it weird that that’s the reason that I like Valentine’s Day?
Anyway, I promised you the Strawberry Hill challenge and here it is. I just watched it for the first time myself and, well, you’ll see.
(Hank holds up a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill flavored citrus wine. He pours a glass, it has a lot of bubbles in it.) To Brotherhood! (He drinks. He is shocked and opens his mouth wide, allowing some to drip out.) Oh, it made me drool! (He drinks the rest of the glass in one gulp. He shakes his head a lot, making weird sounds. He groans, sticks his tongue out, and grimaces) It’s left a kind of film on the inside of my mouth. (He tries to get it out with his tongue; he points to his cheeks.) It’s back here. I have successfully completed the Strawberry Hill challenge. (burp) And, it’s made me pretty burpy.
(Hank holds up the bottle, which is about three-quarters full.) I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of it because I’m definitely not going to drink it. (Five Minutes Later flashes on the screen) I have a confession to make. (bottle is now only half full) It doesn’t taste good, but I keep wanting to drink more. Did you know that this was going to happen? Did you know that I was gonna have one glass and then I would have to drink the entire bottle and that would make me puke?
(Hank drinks directly from the bottle while groaning; he swishes it in his mouth.) It tastes so bad! (He is holding a bottle with only about three sips left.) How is there only that much left? (He taps the bottom and drinks the pretty much the rest.) (He is holding the bottle sideways, and a very, very small amount is left in the bottle.) This is what I have left of the Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill flavored citrus wine. There’s not any Strawberry Hill left.
(in his basement) I’ve come down to the basement; it’s cold out there. Actually, Valentine’s Day is a pretty exciting day for me because, while in high school, I deciphered the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. Using a little bit of back-of-the-napkin etymology…etymology? Entomology? Etymology? Etymology. I worked out the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. The word “Valentine” comes from two roots: the word Valen and the word tine. Now, most of us know what a tine is. It’s one of these. (holds up a fork and points to one of the tines. puts the fork in his glasses) This fork has four tines. (fork no longer in glasses) Tine comes from the word “Zinne,” which is a German word that means pinnacle or point. Now, the word “Valen” is less well known. Babylon 5 aficionados will tell you that Valen was the Minbari not born of Minbari who brought the thousand-year peace to the Minbari people after the Shadow war.
Thus, we have Valen, a semi-god of the Minbari people and time traveler, and the word pinnacle or point. My assumption must be that Valen came to earth in its past and brought us a slightly different message. And this message had something to do with Valen’s (raises finger and wiggles it) pinnacle. Thus, the romantic connotation. I believe that Valen visited earth sometime in the early 11th century and that his visit was responsible for a spike in the human population. Valen brought the message of his pinnacle (shows fork), which increased the birthrate, and gave us a romantic holiday to celebrate. Happy Valen’s Penis Day! Is it weird that that’s the reason that I like Valentine’s Day?
Anyway, I promised you the Strawberry Hill challenge and here it is. I just watched it for the first time myself and, well, you’ll see.
(Hank holds up a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill flavored citrus wine. He pours a glass, it has a lot of bubbles in it.) To Brotherhood! (He drinks. He is shocked and opens his mouth wide, allowing some to drip out.) Oh, it made me drool! (He drinks the rest of the glass in one gulp. He shakes his head a lot, making weird sounds. He groans, sticks his tongue out, and grimaces) It’s left a kind of film on the inside of my mouth. (He tries to get it out with his tongue; he points to his cheeks.) It’s back here. I have successfully completed the Strawberry Hill challenge. (burp) And, it’s made me pretty burpy.
(Hank holds up the bottle, which is about three-quarters full.) I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of it because I’m definitely not going to drink it. (Five Minutes Later flashes on the screen) I have a confession to make. (bottle is now only half full) It doesn’t taste good, but I keep wanting to drink more. Did you know that this was going to happen? Did you know that I was gonna have one glass and then I would have to drink the entire bottle and that would make me puke?
(Hank drinks directly from the bottle while groaning; he swishes it in his mouth.) It tastes so bad! (He is holding a bottle with only about three sips left.) How is there only that much left? (He taps the bottom and drinks the pretty much the rest.) (He is holding the bottle sideways, and a very, very small amount is left in the bottle.) This is what I have left of the Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill flavored citrus wine. There’s not any Strawberry Hill left.
Eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal! Eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal…the political situation in Nepal…eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal. (eyes begin to roll; incoherent mumbling; eyes close)
Brotherhood 2.0: February 12th
(Hank paddles up a river in a kayak towards the camera) Good morning, John. It’s Monday, February 12th, and I’m back in Montana. Can’t you tell? Actually, I’m probably on a plane right now, on my way to Montana. Either that or I’m in Montana, trying to chip through about three inches of ice that have formed on my sidewalk.
This is pretty much the most beautiful day I’m going to see for a long time. So I figure, I’d make my video a little early, so you could see me in Florida, doing Florida things, in a Florida hat, in a Florida kayak, in a Florida intercoastal waterway, surrounded by Florida birds, Florida fish,, and Floridians, and me…and Katherine.
(Hank in an airport) Well, it’s official. You’re going to be getting this video blog while I’m on a plane. I’m think it’s the short leg, the one from Denver to Missoula, and I’m in Denver right now.
I am, as you know, a bit of an amateur naturalist, and I’m a huge fan of birds and also a huge fan of taking pictures of birds. So I wanted to share with you some of the birds that I saw and took pictures of while on my “vacation” tour of Florida.
(Fast montage of birds) Osprey, Black Crowned Night Heron, Yellow Crowned Nigh Herons, Little Blue Herons, Great Blue Herons, Tri-Colored Herons, Snowy Egrets, Great Egrets, Cormorants, Anhingas, Ibis, Muscovy Ducks, and, most awesomely, this limpkin, who pretty much just danced around me letting me take awesome pictures of it, even though they’re one of the most rare species of birds in Florida, and almost went extinct in the early 1900s.
I made another interesting discovery while here in Florida. While visiting my old college I stopped by my old 7-11 and found a beverage that you might be interested in. (Hank in 7-11) Katherine and I are still on the yearly Tour of the Entire Southeastern United States, and I’ve been looking, at liquor stores wherever I go, trying to find Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill Flavored Citrus Wine. I’m at the 7-11 next to my old college and I found Strawberry Hill, and I’m about to buy it. So that I can complete the Strawberry Hill challenge. Finally. It looks, really gross. And it costs, it doesn’t say how much it costs. But I only have five minutes left to buy it. Five minutes to spare. That’s kind of exciting.
Guy: Did you say there’s only five minutes left to buy beer?
Hank: Yeah. Hurry!
Guy: I’d better hurry, and make my decision, huh?
Hank: Because you can’t buy alcohol on Sundays in the state of Florida. So I have to buy this right now, or else I’m not gonna get it. Bye.
(Hank in an airport) But you’re gonna have to wait until Wednesday to see the completion of the Strawberry Hill challenge. Because I don’t have time to edit it here in this airport. So, you’ll see me on Wednesday, drinking Strawberry Hill, and I’ll see you tomorrow.
This is pretty much the most beautiful day I’m going to see for a long time. So I figure, I’d make my video a little early, so you could see me in Florida, doing Florida things, in a Florida hat, in a Florida kayak, in a Florida intercoastal waterway, surrounded by Florida birds, Florida fish,, and Floridians, and me…and Katherine.
(Hank in an airport) Well, it’s official. You’re going to be getting this video blog while I’m on a plane. I’m think it’s the short leg, the one from Denver to Missoula, and I’m in Denver right now.
I am, as you know, a bit of an amateur naturalist, and I’m a huge fan of birds and also a huge fan of taking pictures of birds. So I wanted to share with you some of the birds that I saw and took pictures of while on my “vacation” tour of Florida.
(Fast montage of birds) Osprey, Black Crowned Night Heron, Yellow Crowned Nigh Herons, Little Blue Herons, Great Blue Herons, Tri-Colored Herons, Snowy Egrets, Great Egrets, Cormorants, Anhingas, Ibis, Muscovy Ducks, and, most awesomely, this limpkin, who pretty much just danced around me letting me take awesome pictures of it, even though they’re one of the most rare species of birds in Florida, and almost went extinct in the early 1900s.
I made another interesting discovery while here in Florida. While visiting my old college I stopped by my old 7-11 and found a beverage that you might be interested in. (Hank in 7-11) Katherine and I are still on the yearly Tour of the Entire Southeastern United States, and I’ve been looking, at liquor stores wherever I go, trying to find Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill Flavored Citrus Wine. I’m at the 7-11 next to my old college and I found Strawberry Hill, and I’m about to buy it. So that I can complete the Strawberry Hill challenge. Finally. It looks, really gross. And it costs, it doesn’t say how much it costs. But I only have five minutes left to buy it. Five minutes to spare. That’s kind of exciting.
Guy: Did you say there’s only five minutes left to buy beer?
Hank: Yeah. Hurry!
Guy: I’d better hurry, and make my decision, huh?
Hank: Because you can’t buy alcohol on Sundays in the state of Florida. So I have to buy this right now, or else I’m not gonna get it. Bye.
(Hank in an airport) But you’re gonna have to wait until Wednesday to see the completion of the Strawberry Hill challenge. Because I don’t have time to edit it here in this airport. So, you’ll see me on Wednesday, drinking Strawberry Hill, and I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: February 8th
Okay, I'm going to think about it this time before I actually say it. Good morning John, it's Thursday, February 8th. (nods) It is.
It's very hard to make a video blog in this house because there's nowhere private at all and I have to talk very quietly or else people will look at me funny. They're looking at me funny! (makes a strained noise) I'm kind of hiding in the corner in the living room, which is the room that I sleep in, in a sofa bed, which is right here. (pokes pillow) To start out today's video, I'm going to give you a tour of the place where I am right now.
(now standing under a flag/telephone pole) I am officially in Englewood Florida. It's a very very nice day; there's cars coming, which is really unusual for this street. (as two cars pass in the spot where he was standing) They would've hit me at the exact same time; that would have been painful! Yeah, see, now there's not going to be anymore cars for another two or three hours. And if you look around you'll see a normal Florida, 50's style ranch house neighborhood. Very nice place, lots of citrus, lots of flowers and cacti. Lots of American flags. (shows a statue) This is a donkey with a cactus in it that miraculously survived Katherine throwing her Calculus book at it.
(shows a sundial) According to the sundial, it is 11:00. this is remarkably accurate. (shows a weird looking pink flamingo) Katherine's mom has non-traditional pink flamingos. (standing in front of a tree) Behind me now is an orange tree; aahhh over there are two more orange trees, and I think a tangerine tree. I'm going underneath some banana trees now, and then there's the canal. It's a very nice place!
Moving along. Katherine's parents just took me to a very interesting event. (shows footage of the event) There were about four hundred old people watching about thirty old people playing banjos badly. It turns out that Charlotte County has actually the highest age of any county in the country. There are a lot of old people here. They played patriotic songs, they played "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," they played more patriotic songs, and they played some military songs.
Anyways, whereas I've been thinking a lot about babies lately, you know, the beginning of life, this made me think about something entirely different. I started to wonder, were any of them going to die while I was watching them? So, I've done some BoN calculations; I love BoN calculations, back of napkin. Assuming that the average age of people there was 70 and assuming there were around 400 people there; and using Census data that says the average age of death of a 70 year old is 83, I have calculated that the probability that someone would die at the event that I just attended. Because the average age of death of a 70 year old is 83, half of the people at the event will be dead in 13 years; that is 113,000 hours. Now, because I was at the event for three hours and there were 400 old people there that means 1,200 total old people hours. You put that number over the total half-life of an old person at the age of 70 and then divide by two and get a .53 percent chance that someone would die within eye shot of me this afternoon. While that's not a very big number, it is probably the biggest that number has ever been in my life.
So, now you know how bored I am!
I accept your challenge and will answer my survey; the three minute and thirty second time limit is going to be quite a barrier, but I will do my best. And I very much enjoyed your children's book, I'm considering doing the illustrations for it myself. I'll see you tomorrow.
It's very hard to make a video blog in this house because there's nowhere private at all and I have to talk very quietly or else people will look at me funny. They're looking at me funny! (makes a strained noise) I'm kind of hiding in the corner in the living room, which is the room that I sleep in, in a sofa bed, which is right here. (pokes pillow) To start out today's video, I'm going to give you a tour of the place where I am right now.
(now standing under a flag/telephone pole) I am officially in Englewood Florida. It's a very very nice day; there's cars coming, which is really unusual for this street. (as two cars pass in the spot where he was standing) They would've hit me at the exact same time; that would have been painful! Yeah, see, now there's not going to be anymore cars for another two or three hours. And if you look around you'll see a normal Florida, 50's style ranch house neighborhood. Very nice place, lots of citrus, lots of flowers and cacti. Lots of American flags. (shows a statue) This is a donkey with a cactus in it that miraculously survived Katherine throwing her Calculus book at it.
(shows a sundial) According to the sundial, it is 11:00. this is remarkably accurate. (shows a weird looking pink flamingo) Katherine's mom has non-traditional pink flamingos. (standing in front of a tree) Behind me now is an orange tree; aahhh over there are two more orange trees, and I think a tangerine tree. I'm going underneath some banana trees now, and then there's the canal. It's a very nice place!
Moving along. Katherine's parents just took me to a very interesting event. (shows footage of the event) There were about four hundred old people watching about thirty old people playing banjos badly. It turns out that Charlotte County has actually the highest age of any county in the country. There are a lot of old people here. They played patriotic songs, they played "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," they played more patriotic songs, and they played some military songs.
Anyways, whereas I've been thinking a lot about babies lately, you know, the beginning of life, this made me think about something entirely different. I started to wonder, were any of them going to die while I was watching them? So, I've done some BoN calculations; I love BoN calculations, back of napkin. Assuming that the average age of people there was 70 and assuming there were around 400 people there; and using Census data that says the average age of death of a 70 year old is 83, I have calculated that the probability that someone would die at the event that I just attended. Because the average age of death of a 70 year old is 83, half of the people at the event will be dead in 13 years; that is 113,000 hours. Now, because I was at the event for three hours and there were 400 old people there that means 1,200 total old people hours. You put that number over the total half-life of an old person at the age of 70 and then divide by two and get a .53 percent chance that someone would die within eye shot of me this afternoon. While that's not a very big number, it is probably the biggest that number has ever been in my life.
So, now you know how bored I am!
I accept your challenge and will answer my survey; the three minute and thirty second time limit is going to be quite a barrier, but I will do my best. And I very much enjoyed your children's book, I'm considering doing the illustrations for it myself. I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: February 7, 2007
Good morning, Hank, it's Wednesday, February 7th, and it's story day! Our story today is called: Everyone Poops in My Pants, by Hank Green.
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Each morning, I wake up, and dozens of people surround my house chanting:
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Each morning, I wake up, and dozens of people surround my house chanting:
"What do we want to poop in?!"
"Hank's pants!"
"When do we want to poop in them?!"
"Now!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Poop."
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants, and that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven't pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana; and many babies haven't pooped in my pants because they're too busy pooping in their own. I'm just saying that statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, and dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Kristen Dunst was wearing and pooping in my pants during the entire filing of Spiderman 2. The entire Liverpool Football club pooped in my Umbros immedently after winning the 2005 UEFA Cup. German novelist Günter Grass pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel Prize. Stephen Dedalus is just one of the many fictional characters who have who have nonfictionaly pooped in my nonfictional pants. Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him, and then pooped in them. Vladimir Ilyich Linden died in 1924 but has nonetheless pooped in my pants. George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants; although he did poop near my pants and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone's pants. Having seen his poop, I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. (shows a sign saying, "Guess what we got in a bag: Cow Shit) Wow, those guys must be selling the president's war plan.
People often ask me, "Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?" Yes it does! Sometimes something great will happen, like the other day Barak Obama came by and he pooped in my pants, and his poop kind of makes me believe in America again. But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bear. Some people have chronic back pain. Some people are on Team Karen. Some people are Republicans. Me? I just happen to have pants into which people really like to poop. It could certainly be worse. It's like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in my pants. (Brotherhood 2.0 logo shows up, with "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Eric Idle playing in the background)
(back on John, talking rather fast) Hank, per the request of several commenters, I hereby challenge you to answer every single question in your survey, in one video blog of three minutes and thirty seconds or less. Yes you will have to talk at this speed! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
"Hank's pants!"
"When do we want to poop in them?!"
"Now!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Poop."
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants, and that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven't pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana; and many babies haven't pooped in my pants because they're too busy pooping in their own. I'm just saying that statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, and dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Kristen Dunst was wearing and pooping in my pants during the entire filing of Spiderman 2. The entire Liverpool Football club pooped in my Umbros immedently after winning the 2005 UEFA Cup. German novelist Günter Grass pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel Prize. Stephen Dedalus is just one of the many fictional characters who have who have nonfictionaly pooped in my nonfictional pants. Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him, and then pooped in them. Vladimir Ilyich Linden died in 1924 but has nonetheless pooped in my pants. George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants; although he did poop near my pants and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone's pants. Having seen his poop, I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. (shows a sign saying, "Guess what we got in a bag: Cow Shit) Wow, those guys must be selling the president's war plan.
People often ask me, "Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?" Yes it does! Sometimes something great will happen, like the other day Barak Obama came by and he pooped in my pants, and his poop kind of makes me believe in America again. But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bear. Some people have chronic back pain. Some people are on Team Karen. Some people are Republicans. Me? I just happen to have pants into which people really like to poop. It could certainly be worse. It's like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in my pants. (Brotherhood 2.0 logo shows up, with "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Eric Idle playing in the background)
(back on John, talking rather fast) Hank, per the request of several commenters, I hereby challenge you to answer every single question in your survey, in one video blog of three minutes and thirty seconds or less. Yes you will have to talk at this speed! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
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