May 1st: Neil Gaimen in Helena

Woman: With no further ado, give it up for Neil! (applause)
Neil Gaiman: Good morning John, it is Tuesday, May 1st.
Hank: That was New York Times bestselling author, Hugo Award winner, Nebula Award winner, and all around awesome Nerdfighter-guy Neil Gaiman! Now I know that you're a writer and that you hang out with writers and that you always have good writers on Brotherhood 2.0, but now? I've got one! I may have had to wait in a very, very long line to get one, but I got one. And he's sayin' 'hi'.
Congratulations to Coe! LA Times Book Award, that's a big deal. Congratulations to you, John, for getting nominated. And since I know a lot of the Nerdfighters are Neil Gaiman fans, and I know a lot of the Nerdfighters want to someday be writers, I think I'm going to share with you a clip from Neil's lecture that I surreptitiously captured. Someone asked him if there was really anything better than seeing your name on the spine of a book. And having watched you go through this, John, I can attest that he is right. I'm actually pretty sure that you fell victim to Gaiman's law, which says that as soon as your first book is published, you will go to the bookstore, and open the book to a random page on which you will find possibly the only typographical error in your entire book. And then you will want to kill yourself. So here is Neil talking about being an author:
Neil Gaiman: It's not another day at the office. It's, it's magic. It's, You know, I can't think of- there's nothing else I would want to do. Um, it's every bit as good as you think it would be. But... it's like all of those things that when you're a kid you think 'If I just do that once... who would ever need anything more, ever?' It's like when you're fourteen and you finally figure out what sex is. And then you cannot for the life of you understand why adults do anything else.
Hank: So there you have it. Thanks for challenging me to write more songs. As a commenter pointed out, it is actually kind of difficult and requires lots of creative energy. So, I can't guarantee anything. Umm... sometimes you just draw a blank, right? So there were other reasons besides Neil Gaiman that I was in Helena, Montana.
(singing echo) Helena, Montana.
Hank: That was, weird. Did you--?
(echo) Helena, Montana.
Hank: Wh--oh, oh, I--okay I think, I think it's time for a song!
(echo) Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
Gold and cows and chopping trees, 

these are the industries 

of Helena, Montana!
They serve your eggs with butter 

and there were Peeps in the gutter. 

Oh, Helena, Montana.
Helena, Montana.
We played frisbee at the capitol, 

and looked at lots of belt buckles.
Helena, Montana.
Please check your guns at the door,  

fat guy in a candy store.
Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
(spoken) Well, I don't know if that was anything like as catchy the Helen Hunt song but maybe it'll bump it out of some of you guys' heads. Still no progress on that me not being paid for my work front. Uh... I'm very excited that Coe Booth thinks I'm hot. And I'd like to say 'hi' to Francesca Lia Block. And to all of the other amazing people who said hi to me in the last video blog. Hello to you all! We may not be famous, but we got famous people on the Brotherhood. I'll see you tomorrow!

Brotherhood 2.0: April 16: Brotherhood of the Traveling Shirts

Good morning Hank, it's Monday April 16th. Friendly brotherly reminder: your taxes are due tomorrow. Hank, unfortunately I wasn't able to attend any of the Step It Up rallies and I'll tell you why. Instead of protesting carbon consumption, I was myself consuming carbon on a series of airplanes trying to get from San Antonio, Texas to New York City. I eventually got home but unfortunately by then all the Step It Up rallies were finished. I did, however, make a poster: (Shows poster, which says, handwritten on a piece of letter paper: STEP IT UP, CONGRESS! AND ALSO, STEP IT UP, SELF!)
I'm not very good at posters. Hank, just in case you can't read my scribbled handwriting, my poster says, "Step it up, Congress! And also, step it up, self!" Because I feel like I'm also not doing enough in the fight against climate change. And that's why, Hank, you may notice that today the video is a little darker than it usually is: it's because, for the next week, I'm not going to be using any kind of electricity that I don't absolutely have to use. The refrigerator is going to continue to run, my computer is going to continue to run when I need to use it, but I'm not going to use lights unless they are necessary as reading lights in the evening, and I'm not going to watch TV. Except for a couple of really important soccer games.
I'm also going to minimise my use of hot water, which is extremely difficult because, as you know, I like to take baths. Hank, throughout the week I'm going to be doing things to further reduce my carbon emissions, let me know if you have any ideas. Oh, and by the way, I loved your EcoGeek podcast, and look forward to more of them. -o be careful not to cut off the beginning of your sentences.
Guess what I got this weekend at the Texas Library Association convention? (Slowly reveals t-shirt saying NERD FIGHTER) Ooooh yeah! How awesome is this shirt, Hank? It's so awesome that when I looked on the Haines tag in the back it said that it's made out of 80% cotton, 10% polyester and 10% awesome. Thanks to Laura, pictured here, delivering the shirt.
Hank, unfortunately there's only one "Nerdfighter" shirt and I don't want you to be deprived of its awesomeness. So I'm going to propose a custody-sharing arrangement. I'm gonna send you the shirt now, and then maybe you can send it back to me around June or something and then I'll send it back to you, and you'll send it back to... It's kinda like the "Brotherhood of the Travelling Shirt".
After all Hank, what is brotherhood, if not sharing clothes? Remember, we always used to share clothes growing up. Remember that sailor suit that Mom made us? That was cool. That was really cool. Man, no wonder we were nerds.
And finally, Hank, I know this isn't necessarily a political video blog, but there is some Very Exciting Political News going on right now and I can't help but share it with you: Our resident mathematician, Daniel Biss, is running for state representative in the state of Illinois! We're gonna have a resident state representative! He'll be able to pass legislation that's helpful to brothers, and nerds, and Peeps, and video blogs.
His two most important issues? Raising the amount of funding we spend on education in Illinois, which is the 49th state in terms of education - Thank God for Mississippi! - and also cutting carbon emissions. Speaking of carbon emissions, I should shut off this video camera. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and P.S.: To make this sign? I used recycled paper. This is a page from my book, Hank, which I'm just beginning to seriously revise. That process is going to take several months. So expect me to become kind of moody until, say, September.

Brotherhood 2.0: March 15, 2007: Decreasing Suck

Class: good morning Hank, it's Thursday.
Hank, I just got to my hotel room in Kalamazoo, Michigan. And you know what was waiting for me here? Strawberry hill, peeps, and nerds. Thanks, Kalamazoo.
And all evening long I've been thinking to myself: What is it that America wants to see me do with Nerds, Peeps and a bottle of strawberry hill? And then I realized: what America wants to know is whether or not a peep will float in a glass of strawberry hill.
Will it float? It floats! Look! It's a little ducky on a pink pond.
So there you have it, Hank. Peeps float in strawberry hill! "But wait", you say, "do nerds?" Hank, as you can see, I have a lot of grape nerds. And now, we're going to test them.
hmm... That looks delicious. Well Hank, the answer is that nerds do not float. Except for the lone nerd that attached itself to the peep. Smart nerd.
Hank, many people say that brotherhood 2.0 is not educational. But I would argue that it is educational. Because now we've all learned an important lesson, which is that if you find yourself in the open ocean, with 1000 peeps and 1000 nerds, you should cling to the peeps and let the nerds go. In profoundly disturbing news, it seems like strawberry hill turns purple nerds white. Let that be a lesson to all of you. If strawberry hill can strip purple nerds from their color, just think what it can do to a gastro-intestinal system.
(sings) S-s-something from the comments... we're gonna miss you Ze.
Peter writes: "what if your effort to decrease suck-levels actually makes suck-levels increase? What is the contingency plan? We need an exit strategy here!" Hank, just like Peter I'm profoundly concerned that we might accidently increase suck levels. If you think about it most of the suckiest things that ever happened started with an attempt to decrease suck levels. Like, for instance, you have to say that on the whole the steam engine has been a pretty good thing, but then on the other hand it sure was warm yesterday in Colorado. But here's the thing I'm thinking: the worst thing you can possibly do is not try to decrease suck levels. After all, that's what the first Brotherhood 2.0 Book Club book was about. 

In our lifetimes we're all gonna do things that accidently increase suck levels, but the true Nerdfighter is awesome enough to say "you know what? I've made a mistake, I increased suck levels worldwide, but I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, and I think we should change course so as to decrease suck levels in the future." Hank, that's why I'm greatful that so many people in the American government are true and awesome Nerdfighters. Oh, wait. Crap! I'll see you tomorrow.

(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) 

(sings) Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday dear.... I'm gonna let Hank finish the song.

Brotherhood 2.0: March 9, 2007: Peeptastic!

(John is wearing a handmade T-shirt that says "Kurt is Made of Awesome") Good morning Hank, it's Friday March 9th. My eye's still kinda funny. Hank on Wednesday afternoon for some reason I went out and bought a lot of peeps and I decided to eat them as fast as I could. At the time I didn't know that we would be introduced to Kurt, the Punk-Rock Nerdfighter, so I thought that I would prove how awesome I was by eating Peeps faster than you. I mean, not that everything is a contest between us. And, not that I feel compelled to win each one of those contests. So, I gave myself 3 minutes to eat as many Peeps as possible. I would like to show the results from that experiment. 

I've got a whole stack of Peeps. (voice over video of eating Peeps) Hank, I may not like the taste of Peeps, but I sure do like the taste of sugar, so in the beginning I found it very easy to eat the Peeps. As you can see they're going in one after another. After all I've been on Weight Watchers for eight weeks. This felt very good. It's only 10 points for 15 Peeps! And then as you can see I began to slow down a little. The Ghostbusters and the stay-puff marshmallow man had begun to war inside me. Soon the Peeps began to hurt. They began to expand inside my stomach, growing like so many slowly inflating balloons. I felt a renewed sense of enthusiasm upon switching to the pink Peeps. I thought maybe by switching to the pink Peeps I would be able to eat Peeps quickly and efficiently proving myself to be the greatest Peeps eater in the history of the Green family. But my enthusiasm was short lived. 

Hank in the world of competitive eating there is a phrase: "the wall of fat". The wall of fat is the wall that your stomach hits, when it's trying to expand and then it runs up against your subcutaneous fat. Thin eaters like Takeru Kobayashi, The greatest competitive eater in history, don't have to worry about the wall of fat. But I'm not thin yet Hank. I'm still a heavyweight according to the international boxing federation. So I began to hit the wall of fat. At this point all of the Peeps I could eat were inside my mouth, but there was the small matter from getting them from my mouth into my belly. And as you can see that process took quite a long time. There was so much chewing to do. Every time I thought I had swallowed the end of the Peeps, there was more Peeps to eat. Do you see that Hank? That is exactly what Peeps puke looks like. How do I know? Wait. At this point I think I can maybe still hold down the Peeps, and I think I can hold down the Peeps and I think it can- ah, no I'm not going to hold down the Peeps. 

(back to John talking) Hank, be grateful I didn't take the video camera into the bathroom with me. I had, what is known in competitive eating circles as "a reversal of fortune". Hank in the end I ate 12 1/2 peeps in 3 minutes. You ate 12 1/2 peeps in 6 minutes. Kurt ate 12 peeps in a minute and a half. Scientific conclusion: It's not possible to eat more than 12 1/2 peeps in a single sitting. I'll see on Monday.

(After Brotherhood 2.0 Logo) There is now a link at brotherhood2.com, that allows you to contribute to the brotherhood 2.0 Fund for Decreasing Suck-levels Worldwide. So please contribute and help us do something about suck.

Brotherhood 2.0: Giving Away Peeps

Good morning, John, it's Thursday, March 8th. I'm walking downtown to try and find some people to give Peeps to. There are technically a lot of people around but they're all in cars. I'm having a hard time getting them to notice me. Free peeps! Free, free Peeps, free, no? They're not stopping. It's kinda snowing and cold. I kind of hate you a lot. There's starting to be a lot more people around. This is the kinda town I live in. My general opinion is that it's going to be quite difficult to get rid of these Peeps. There are alot less people downtown then I thought there would be. I usually only go downtown at night so I kinda assumed that there would just be a bunch of college students who are kinda mostly drunk. But it's not drunk college students, it's business people and soccer-moms on errands. They don't look like they want Peeps. Also, I don't know how I'm going to film them because people usually aren't ok with that kind of thing. I think I'm gonna have to hide the camera. This looks like a pretty good place to hide a camera. Want one? Free Peeps? 

Guy: You can't give those things away? 

Hank: it's very difficult. You might wanna take some peeps home? They're free. Hi, do you like peeps? I don't mean to be creepy. She ran away from me. OK, I just got a bunch. (sings) All I am saying, is give peeps a chance. This isn't working.
Ok this looks promising, there's a bunch of punk-rockers down the street. But it's gonna be hard to record them. So I'm just going to turn the camera on and leave it in my pocket, you can hear what happens.
Hank: Hey guys. I've got a ridicoulus number of peeps.
Kurt: I would love some peeps.
Hank: I mean, I have like a hundred of them.
Kurt: Oh Damn, we'll competitevly eat amongst ourselves.
Hank: I've been trying to give them away all day and people were like "How dare you trying to give me peeps!"
Kurt: Oh well -- Nice.
Hank: You don't have to take all of them but I would appreciate if you did.
Kurt: Well we are going to. We're definitely going to.
Hank: I'm Hank by the way.
Kurt: I'm Kurt.
Hank: Hey Kurt,

Bret: I'm Bret, nice to meet you.
Machine gun: Machine gun.
Hank: Hey, Machinegun.
Hank: That's uhh.. twelve Peeps in your hand right now.
Kurt: Yep, twelve peeps.
Machine gun: What's going on.
Hank: I do not want you to choke yourself.
Machine gun: No, did you know he does this for a living. He's a freakshow. Watch, just watch. Focus.
Hank: Seriously, people die eating peeps all the time. -- I should be timing you.
Kurt: One more, man! Just put it in there.
Hank: Amazing how much your dog doesn't care about peeps. -- How're you feeling?
Kurt: That's alot of peeps. I feel like I have the staypuff-marshmallowman like fighting the Ghostbusters in my stomach. Thank you.
Hank: See you guys, Thank you very much.
Kurt: Yes, definetly.
Hank: Those guys were probably the most worthy recipients of Peeps I have ever seen.
So I went back and timed him. And it took him 1 and a half min to do what it took me 6 min to do. However, I actually felt really, really nauseous at the end. And I hope Kurt is ok because that was a lot of peeps really fast. Anyway, I have to keep this under 4 minutes, so I see you tomorrow.

Brotherhood 2.0: March 7, 2007: Stress

Guy: Good morning, Hank!
Hank, those warm wishes come from Uncle Grambo of Whatevs.org. He and I were out quite late last night at Lindsey Robertson's birthday party. In an unrelated story, I don't feel very well. Thanks for doing such a great job with the Peeps punishment, I look forward to its completion tomorrow; and I'm pleased that the Brotherhood 2.0 Foundation for Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide is off to a roaring start thanks to your complete inability to eat Peeps quickly.
(John's rubbing his hands across his face) Phew. Hank, you may be wondering why today's video is a little late. It's because I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and I've had a very busy day. First, I spent three hours at the eye doctor. It was like this (a clip of a bored John) only it lasted much, much longer. Then they dilated my eyes so I couldn't see anything. (clip of John wiping his cheeks) Then, in a dimly lit room, my doctor told me I probably had nothing to worry about. (clip of John in dimly lit room)
I probably have nothing to worry about? If I probably have nothing to worry about, then I DEFINITELY have something to worry about. Don't tell me I probably have nothing to worry about; that's not helpful, tell me, "You're fine! Congratulations, good work on those eyes, kid." Then on the way home I talked on the phone to you during a terrible traffic jam (John in taxi, on phone) "Well, I know that certainly you didn't competively eat the Peeps."
Then I left my cell phone in his car. But because he's the world's nicest cab driver, he drove to my house and gave it to me. So everything worked out fine! I probably have nothing to worry about, and I lost my cell phone but then I got it back! I shouldn't be worried, I should be happy, so why am I worried? There's just this big bundle of stress that I can never get rid of.
I blame dad. I mean, if dad hadn't had cancer when he was my age, I probably wouldn't worry about having cancer. By the way, did you know you can get eyeball cancer? Very rare. You probably won't get it. BUT YOU MIGHT!
Then there's the big worry in my life that isn't even my worry; which is that the Yeti is working on her Master's thesis and it's extremely hard and extremely stressful and it just sort of occupies your whole life. I've never seen someone work so hard on something. This morning, I woke up and Sarah had written herself a to-do list on a post it, I want to read you that to do list:
-See picture of Dorian Gray at Butler Library. 

-Pay bills.

-Call in to question the ideology of class
Call in to question the ideology of class? That sounds hard! I wish I could say I was stressed out because I was calling into question the ideology of class. I'm just stressed out because I have to do laundry. And, I might have eyeball cancer. I'll see you tomorrow.

Brotherhood 2.0: Peeps and Genocide

Good morning John it's Tuesday, March 6th and I am entirely surrounded by 100 peeps. (in store) We found the peeps. The bunnies count as full-sized right? I think I’m gonna get the bunnies, cause they’re kinda more swallow-able. They look more like a shape that won’t choke me to death. I’ve just discovered something very interesting, it says that four bunnies are 31 grams and that they contain 33 grams of carbohydrates. There is actually more sugar than there is bunny in these bunnies. Good news on the cheapskate front, each of these things is only 99 cents. So I’m going to get out of the store paying exactly 6 dollars.
So now target has 6 of my dollars and I have 100 of their peeps. I would also like to announce that I have completed the first Brotherhood 2.0 book club book. Yes, I finished We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families by Philip Gourevitch and since I don’t have time to discuss that and eat 100 peeps, I’m going to discuss the book while eating 100 peeps. On your mark, get set, go.
Now there some discussion on brotherhood 2.0 about We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families and how it’s a book designed to make you feel guilty about something that already happened and there’s no use crying over spilled milk. 1 gallon per every dead person, 800,000 gallons of milk. But what Philip Gourevitch’s book was really about was understanding that something happened in Rwanda. Something very significant on a world-wide scale. Unlike eating peeps.
I only ate half of this one, why did I do that?
Beyond acknowledging it, it’s about understanding how something like that could happen. I mean, in a matter of days 800,000 people were killed. All you have to have is the right cocktail of International indecision, local alcoholism, long-term racism, and a couple of inflammatory people with control over the media and it is absolutely possible for completely normal, heathy people to become genocidal maniacs, to commit the worse crime that so far humanity is capable of committing. It wasn’t just bad people killing bad people it was a bad situation and that when we can recognize those ingredients being poured together in the stew again, we can put a lid on it before the fumes reach a nation-wide fervor and create a another genocidal scenario. World governments need to recognize that it’s possible and that individual citizens need to recognize that it’s possible so that they can pressure their governments.
Bla. (cough). That’s not me almost puking, that’s just the bad taste of the peeps. Oh, 5:16. I’m not going to be able to finish this one. It’s too late, I’m so glad. 6 minutes is up. That peep was just sticking to my finger, and I’m not gonna, I'm not gonna eat this half a peep. I had that many, which honestly I think is pretty good. (burp) I’m feeling kinda jittery. I really haven’t eaten anything else today, that is, that is  all I’ve eaten, that is 100% of the food I’ve eaten today. It doesn’t feel very good though. I can’t I can’t see, huh hu- I hate their little eyes. So now I have to go online and contribute 87.5 dollars to the Brotherhood 2.0 foundation to decrease suck levels worldwide. Think what we could do with that money! Plus the 20 I already donated and plus the 20 you already donated, that’s like 127.5 dollars. Whew! Um, this video is longer then 4 minutes please do not punish me because I’m doing a punishment and we haven’t made that an official rule yet. But I’m making it a rule now, from now on video must be less then 4 minutes and this is the last one that will be more then 4 minutes. That is a rule as of tomorrow, which is when I will see you.
(After logo) Who wants peeps? (Shakes head and Peeps fly up under glasses)

Brotherhood 2.0: March 5, 2007: Hank's Punishment

Good morning Hank, it's Monday, March 5th, and I am coming to you from the Yeti’s childhood bedroom. I’m sure that you’ve been thrilled to see the Free Hank movement that’s been going on in the comments. There have been posters (shows a group of rioters with a poster with Hank on it that says, “Free Hank”) and there have even been t-shirts (shows a white t-shirt with an screen print of Hank that says “Free Hank Green”).
Hank, it just goes to show what a vocal minority can do, they can make it seem like you didn’t do anything wrong at all. Like, we’re crazy to think that it was textual communication when you said “See you tomorrow” in text, when you were communicating with me. They'll just be like, “Free Hank”, because we said so; and the rest of us will be all like, “Well, we didn’t make t-shirts saying ‘Punish Hank’, (shrugs) so maybe we should free Hank.” No we shouldn’t free Hank. You committed a punishable offense and ye shall be punished.
However, ye vocal community that is the “Free Hank” movement has gotten me to thinking that maybe my punishment for you shouldn’t be so mean, as your punishments for me have been. So Hank, here’s your punishment; there’s the part that you’ll like: Peeps, and the part that you’ll hate: spending money. First, you will purchase 100 full sized Peeps, they can be pink, they can be yellow, they can be green, they can be whatever color you want, but they must be full-sized, and there must be 100 of them. According to the Internet, that’s going to cost you approximately $19, which I realized will be significantly more painful than waxing your chin, but I’m just getting started.
Then, in a six-minute period, you will eat as many Peeps as you can. Now, Hank, remember, I don’t want anyone to die during Brotherhood 2.0, it’s easy to aspirate on Peeps, please take your time, make sure you chew. Once the six-minute period has ended, you will count the Peeps you have not eaten, you will then distribute those Peeps to worthy recipients in the city of Missoula. Now here’s the catch, however many Peeps you don’t eat in that six-minute period, you will contribute that many dollars to a new bank account that I have set up. The bank account will be known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Fund For Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide, formerly known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Malitsa and Amy Concert Fund. Hank, we will use your contribution to this fund, and future contributions from us and possibly our viewers in order to increase the overall level of worldwide Awesomeness. For instance, maybe we’ll send Malitsa to a concert, and then after that, maybe we’ll help cure Malaria.
Hank, you can look at this as a punishment, but you can also look at is as a project. We’re starting something here, something important, something that is going to allow us to decrease the overall level of the World Suck. How much are we going to decrease Suck levels? That depends on how many Peeps you eat. I’ll see you tomorrow.