(driving) Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, June 20th and we are on our way to Indianapolis. I would look at you, but I'm driving a gigantic moving van. (shot of van at house)
(shot of boxes, John pops up) Hank we made it to Indianapolis! Although, as you will probably notice, puff levels are a little bit high. I hope this is the worst I ever look on Brotherhood 2.0. How am I gonna meet Judy Blume with this hair? Hey Hank, you know what's fun? Driving a 24 foot moving truck halfway across the country. It's particularly fun when it's raining! Because then you don't just feel like you're steering a run away train, you feel like you're steering a run away train that's on skis! Also, you know what's really really long? Pennsylvania.
Hey Hank, congratulations on The Weather Channel, I haven't even seen it yet, but Mom says it's awesome.
So it ended up taking, like, 18 hours, but eventually we made it to Indianapolis. I'm really happy I'm here. (shot of flowers) Look, Hank, nature! I mean, you know, when I was in New York it was almost impossible to contribute to the global water crisis, but here it's really easy. (shot of watering) (sings) the worldwide water shortage crisis is all my fault! (back inside) OK, uh, quick question Hank, what do I do about all this grass? I mean, I used, like, eight baths worth of water in like ten minutes trying to make it less brown.
Hank I haven't even seen your video from yesterday, so I'm gonna go to Starbucks, upload this, watch yours, and then take a nap that's gonna last, like, 30 hours. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hey Hank, I don't even know if you know this, but we were sort of, like, halfway featured on YouTube last week, and one of our videos, I think it was the one from June 4th, ended up getting a lot of comments from YouTubers. And let me tell you Hank, YouTubers are smart (mouths no they aren't) All I'm gonna say is that these YouTubers were definitely not Nerdfighters. Hey, speaking of which, Hank what's the opposite of a Nerdfighter? Anyway Hank, I would read some of those comments to you, but unfortunately most of them do not contain any English words what so ever. It's just sort of a random string of letters with an occasional profanity. But one YouTuber did write a legible comment. He said: I notice you are a nerd, why? Why? Why am I a nerd? Why? Hank, Nerdfighters, why are we nerds? And why are we proud to be nerds? By the way, any Nerdfighters who are also YouTubers, can go to YouTube and give the video from June 4th a high rating, and it might be featured again.
Showing posts with label Mom Green. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mom Green. Show all posts
Saturday, November 6
Friday, November 5
June 13: Dominican Debacles
Buenos dias, John, es Miercoles trece de Junio. Yo soy triste. Porque yo misplaced la fire wire cable. Yo tengo recordar el video usiendo la MacBook iSight camera. How do you say sh*t in Spanish? Kaka!
Anyway I had a bunch of stuff that I was gonna include in this video, but I can't because it's on the camera, and no matter how much I rub the video tape on the MacBook the video tape won't get inside the MacBook. It is pretty annoying and I am a little bit angry. It's been a very interesting day and the last part was not so much fun. But the beginning part was. You may have noticed that it is a Wednesday, and thus I have a song. Now, this may not be as cool as it would have been if I had had my footage, but it is still a song and it is very short so you won't have to sit through much of it anyways. It's about my family.
(sings) My family
Is getting crazy
27 today
With two more on the way
Bill and Fran and Mom and Dad
Mike Gillian, John, Sarah, Mike Nanny
Popa Thomas, Sanders, Charles,
Walker, Rachel, Charles, Allie, Braxton, Mary
Christian, Taylor and Katherine
Elizabeth, Grace, Katherine, Me.
And that's just on my mom's side.
(spoken) I hope that some of you enjoyed that, I didn't have my guitar so I got to use Garage Band for the first time to actually make the music, which was interesting to do, I dunno that I'm very good at it yet. I might be getting better. Especially because for next Wednesday I have a very exciting, at least to me, project that will utilize Garage Band heavily.
What John and I did today was extremely cool. Now it's been a little bit disturbing to be in the Dominican Republic just laying on the beach drinking Pina Coladas when we know that not very far away there are a lot of people in some very bad situations. And my dad was actually able to get us an opportunity to visit some of the people in those situations and it was really really awesome. It was just awesome to see what the Dominican Republic is actually like. Here in the hotel where my family is staying, it's just completely isolated from it. Just as isolated as the United States is. So we were very lucky to be invited into this village. And you are gonna get to see some of that, just not today.
We learned a very interesting thing from a very interesting man today. And that is that the people of Haiti are flooding across the border into the Dominican Republic because their situation is so much worse than the people here. At the same time the people of the Dominican Republic are flooding across the border into Puerto Rico, because the situation in Puerto Rico is so much better than the situation in the Dominican Republic. And then the people in Puerto Rico are flooding into the United States of America because the situation in the United States is so much better than the situation in Puerto Rico! And the people of the United States have been saying a lot of really nice things about the Netherlands lately. Toobias? Here we come!
Let's go find John. John?
John: Yes?
I can see you right now.
Anyway I had a bunch of stuff that I was gonna include in this video, but I can't because it's on the camera, and no matter how much I rub the video tape on the MacBook the video tape won't get inside the MacBook. It is pretty annoying and I am a little bit angry. It's been a very interesting day and the last part was not so much fun. But the beginning part was. You may have noticed that it is a Wednesday, and thus I have a song. Now, this may not be as cool as it would have been if I had had my footage, but it is still a song and it is very short so you won't have to sit through much of it anyways. It's about my family.
(sings) My family
Is getting crazy
27 today
With two more on the way
Bill and Fran and Mom and Dad
Mike Gillian, John, Sarah, Mike Nanny
Popa Thomas, Sanders, Charles,
Walker, Rachel, Charles, Allie, Braxton, Mary
Christian, Taylor and Katherine
Elizabeth, Grace, Katherine, Me.
And that's just on my mom's side.
(spoken) I hope that some of you enjoyed that, I didn't have my guitar so I got to use Garage Band for the first time to actually make the music, which was interesting to do, I dunno that I'm very good at it yet. I might be getting better. Especially because for next Wednesday I have a very exciting, at least to me, project that will utilize Garage Band heavily.
What John and I did today was extremely cool. Now it's been a little bit disturbing to be in the Dominican Republic just laying on the beach drinking Pina Coladas when we know that not very far away there are a lot of people in some very bad situations. And my dad was actually able to get us an opportunity to visit some of the people in those situations and it was really really awesome. It was just awesome to see what the Dominican Republic is actually like. Here in the hotel where my family is staying, it's just completely isolated from it. Just as isolated as the United States is. So we were very lucky to be invited into this village. And you are gonna get to see some of that, just not today.
We learned a very interesting thing from a very interesting man today. And that is that the people of Haiti are flooding across the border into the Dominican Republic because their situation is so much worse than the people here. At the same time the people of the Dominican Republic are flooding across the border into Puerto Rico, because the situation in Puerto Rico is so much better than the situation in the Dominican Republic. And then the people in Puerto Rico are flooding into the United States of America because the situation in the United States is so much better than the situation in Puerto Rico! And the people of the United States have been saying a lot of really nice things about the Netherlands lately. Toobias? Here we come!
Let's go find John. John?
John: Yes?
I can see you right now.
Thursday, November 4
May 11th: Heroes
Good morning, John, it's Friday May 11th. (shots of Hank and Katherine zooming around on bikes) For our birthdays Mom and Dad got us new bikes! It's Katherine's birthday next week so she got one too. And now we have two really nice bikes so we can ride around town all the time. We can ride our bikes to the garden, and we won't have to use any fossil fuels or create any carbon.
They're really nice, too. Thanks Mom and Dad, and happy Mother's Day, mom! Do you know what I love? My mom. But also, I love questions about superheroes. Who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman? That one- that one's not very interesting. But there are lots of superhero questions that I like to answer. I especially like to think about what kind of super powers I would like to have if I could have super powers.
I mean, you can't really beat Superman for having super powers, unless you could travel in time. Though that could definitely get very confusing very quickly. I think that that would be probably the hardest super power to have. As you get more power, dealing with that power becomes more difficult. All superheroes deal with that. I think a time stopping man would have even more problems. Where do you draw the line? I mean, you could save everybody as long as you didn't age while you were saving people. You could save everybody in the world. Pretty much. And if you did age? Then you'd have to use your time very wisely, you'd have to save the maximum- yeah, that would be a hard power to have, but it would be the most power, I think, of any superhero. Unless you were Superman and you could travel in time. That would be more power. And you'd also have to make sure that you didn't accidentally negate your own existence while you were in the past.
I would probably not mess with the past if I was a time traveling superhero. You go back and you try and stop the Holocaust and suddenly you've disappeared. Put a needle in Hitler's eye when he's a baby. Would it be OK to kill baby Hitler? I mean, he's just a baby. This is why it would be so hard to be a time traveling super hero! I don't know. I'm interested in people's opinions on whether it would be OK to kill baby Hitler.
Now the reason I'm talking about this, John, is because one of the commenters asked me what I would do if I woke up in the morning and had Spiderman's powers. I mean, I gotta be honest, I would definitely start out the way that Peter Parker did in Spiderman 1 by taking off my shirt and flexing in the mirror. And then I would probably get Katherine, and flex at her. And then I would- might go downtown and flex at random people? I've never really had flex-able- flex-able? flex-ish? flexing. The capability of flexing really, and I think that I would enjoy that. Beyond that, um, I would probably move away from Missoula because Spiderman's powers in Missoula, Montana would be fairly useless. Swing from the seven story building to the six story building! And then, I could swing back! Over and over again. I think Spiderman in Missoula would be very bored, I think he would go hiking a lot. I think, actually, that the awesomeness of a superhero is dependent on the size of his city. Because if there's not a lot of people to save, what do you need a superhero for? A superhero in Missoula would be very part time. Like, you work at the Taco shop, and then be like, guys I gotta go I just been listening in on the police scanner and there's been an accident on Highway 22 and I have to travel back in time and use my Superman powers to stop it.
So yeah, if I was Spiderman, I would either keep it a secret and just flex a lot, or I would move to a big city and actually, uh, get something accomplished. Wow. I sure did spend that entire video talking about superheroes. (does salute) Hoo Hah, Nerdfighters! See you on Monday.
They're really nice, too. Thanks Mom and Dad, and happy Mother's Day, mom! Do you know what I love? My mom. But also, I love questions about superheroes. Who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman? That one- that one's not very interesting. But there are lots of superhero questions that I like to answer. I especially like to think about what kind of super powers I would like to have if I could have super powers.
I mean, you can't really beat Superman for having super powers, unless you could travel in time. Though that could definitely get very confusing very quickly. I think that that would be probably the hardest super power to have. As you get more power, dealing with that power becomes more difficult. All superheroes deal with that. I think a time stopping man would have even more problems. Where do you draw the line? I mean, you could save everybody as long as you didn't age while you were saving people. You could save everybody in the world. Pretty much. And if you did age? Then you'd have to use your time very wisely, you'd have to save the maximum- yeah, that would be a hard power to have, but it would be the most power, I think, of any superhero. Unless you were Superman and you could travel in time. That would be more power. And you'd also have to make sure that you didn't accidentally negate your own existence while you were in the past.
I would probably not mess with the past if I was a time traveling superhero. You go back and you try and stop the Holocaust and suddenly you've disappeared. Put a needle in Hitler's eye when he's a baby. Would it be OK to kill baby Hitler? I mean, he's just a baby. This is why it would be so hard to be a time traveling super hero! I don't know. I'm interested in people's opinions on whether it would be OK to kill baby Hitler.
Now the reason I'm talking about this, John, is because one of the commenters asked me what I would do if I woke up in the morning and had Spiderman's powers. I mean, I gotta be honest, I would definitely start out the way that Peter Parker did in Spiderman 1 by taking off my shirt and flexing in the mirror. And then I would probably get Katherine, and flex at her. And then I would- might go downtown and flex at random people? I've never really had flex-able- flex-able? flex-ish? flexing. The capability of flexing really, and I think that I would enjoy that. Beyond that, um, I would probably move away from Missoula because Spiderman's powers in Missoula, Montana would be fairly useless. Swing from the seven story building to the six story building! And then, I could swing back! Over and over again. I think Spiderman in Missoula would be very bored, I think he would go hiking a lot. I think, actually, that the awesomeness of a superhero is dependent on the size of his city. Because if there's not a lot of people to save, what do you need a superhero for? A superhero in Missoula would be very part time. Like, you work at the Taco shop, and then be like, guys I gotta go I just been listening in on the police scanner and there's been an accident on Highway 22 and I have to travel back in time and use my Superman powers to stop it.
So yeah, if I was Spiderman, I would either keep it a secret and just flex a lot, or I would move to a big city and actually, uh, get something accomplished. Wow. I sure did spend that entire video talking about superheroes. (does salute) Hoo Hah, Nerdfighters! See you on Monday.
Wednesday, November 3
Brotherhood 2.0: May 4: The Top Secret Project
(three young girls hold up Happy Birthday Hnak signs)
Good morning, Hnak, today is Friday, May 4th, tomorrow is Saturday, May 5th, your 27th birthday.
(clips of submissions)
Hank remember when I told you that the top secret project involved some kind of viral marketing? I was lying! I don't even know what viral marketing is!
(clips)
Happy birthday, Hank.
(clips and pictures of Nerdfighters with music over it)
(image of Mom and Dad Green)
Dad: Happy birthday Hank!
Mom: Happy Birthday Hank, we love you!
(more clips)
Good morning, Hnak, today is Friday, May 4th, tomorrow is Saturday, May 5th, your 27th birthday.
(clips of submissions)
Hank remember when I told you that the top secret project involved some kind of viral marketing? I was lying! I don't even know what viral marketing is!
(clips)
Happy birthday, Hank.
(clips and pictures of Nerdfighters with music over it)
(image of Mom and Dad Green)
Dad: Happy birthday Hank!
Mom: Happy Birthday Hank, we love you!
(more clips)
Brotherhood 2.0: April 26: Hollywood Meetings
(shot of torso clapping, kneels down) Hank, that's your standing ovation for the Helen Hunt song.
(at beach) Good morning, Hank, it's Thursday April 26th. The Pacific Ocean is behind me and Los Angeles is in front of me. (inside) Hank it's been a day of crazy Hollywood meetings. And so I thought I'd give you a quick run through of everything that's happened. First my agent and I were walking down the beach in Los Angeles when we came across this sculpture (shot of sculpture) and I was like, what is that a sculpture of? It sure looks like a sculpture of something dirty! And then I walked around it and uh- it's the Virgin Mary. Weird!
(show of yellow car parked obnoxiously) Mission for the Nerdfighters: find this guy (License plate says SHEERAZ) (in car) statistical chances I don't like that guy? 100%. (shot of red hummer, middle finger) Hank this is the most important meeting I have today, it's with people who might want to turn An Abundance of Katherines into a movie. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have eaten a whole barbeque chicken pizza about twelve minutes ago over the course of about 48 seconds. (burps)
Hank do you remember when you were in, like, eighth grade and it occurred to you for the first time that there were people who might actually like you and be willing to be your friend, and how exciting that was? It seems to me that everyone in Los Angeles is stuck in eighth grade. They're still so excited about the chance that somebody, somewhere might like them. Oh my God, I like you so much! I like you too, you're great! I love you, you look great in that!
(techno plays) Also Hank, everywhere you go there are speakers like this pointed outside playing music like that. (camera dances to beat)
OK, Hank, it's time for the meeting. Here we are outside the building. I'm gonna show you what it looks like, real quick. They're very very welcoming. Check it out Hank (shot of room filled with frames and birdhouses) It's like the opposite of Los Angeles. I mean you have to say, per square inch, it contains more items than any other place I've ever been inside of. I'm remind a little bit of my college girlfriend Marie Ponzillo, who's parents had the largest Santa Claus collection on the East Coast. You know what I keep thinking? Mom would be so happy here. (shot of room) I mean to Mom? This would be like, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. She would just be so happy.
Hank I have great news! I can see into the future (shot of fortune telling toy)
Toy: Ask me what's on your mind.
John: Here's my question for Madam See More, is it ever gonna happen between Hank and Helen Hunt?
Toy: My crystal ball says: Highly doubtful. Ask me what's on your mind.
John: Umm, would I do a good job writing the Abundance of Katherines screenplay?
Toy: Psychic energy suggests: it's not in the stars.
John: Dang.
Toy: I am thinking it over, absolutely, positively, definitely.
John: But, you just told me no.
Toy: The wisdom of the ages tells me: ask me again later
(back in room) So anyway Hank, the meeting ended up going really well, Madam See More be damned. See you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood2.0 logo) P.S. any Nerdfighters wanna participate in a top secret project? Email me at John@sparksflyup.com
(at beach) Good morning, Hank, it's Thursday April 26th. The Pacific Ocean is behind me and Los Angeles is in front of me. (inside) Hank it's been a day of crazy Hollywood meetings. And so I thought I'd give you a quick run through of everything that's happened. First my agent and I were walking down the beach in Los Angeles when we came across this sculpture (shot of sculpture) and I was like, what is that a sculpture of? It sure looks like a sculpture of something dirty! And then I walked around it and uh- it's the Virgin Mary. Weird!
(show of yellow car parked obnoxiously) Mission for the Nerdfighters: find this guy (License plate says SHEERAZ) (in car) statistical chances I don't like that guy? 100%. (shot of red hummer, middle finger) Hank this is the most important meeting I have today, it's with people who might want to turn An Abundance of Katherines into a movie. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have eaten a whole barbeque chicken pizza about twelve minutes ago over the course of about 48 seconds. (burps)
Hank do you remember when you were in, like, eighth grade and it occurred to you for the first time that there were people who might actually like you and be willing to be your friend, and how exciting that was? It seems to me that everyone in Los Angeles is stuck in eighth grade. They're still so excited about the chance that somebody, somewhere might like them. Oh my God, I like you so much! I like you too, you're great! I love you, you look great in that!
(techno plays) Also Hank, everywhere you go there are speakers like this pointed outside playing music like that. (camera dances to beat)
OK, Hank, it's time for the meeting. Here we are outside the building. I'm gonna show you what it looks like, real quick. They're very very welcoming. Check it out Hank (shot of room filled with frames and birdhouses) It's like the opposite of Los Angeles. I mean you have to say, per square inch, it contains more items than any other place I've ever been inside of. I'm remind a little bit of my college girlfriend Marie Ponzillo, who's parents had the largest Santa Claus collection on the East Coast. You know what I keep thinking? Mom would be so happy here. (shot of room) I mean to Mom? This would be like, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. She would just be so happy.
Hank I have great news! I can see into the future (shot of fortune telling toy)
Toy: Ask me what's on your mind.
John: Here's my question for Madam See More, is it ever gonna happen between Hank and Helen Hunt?
Toy: My crystal ball says: Highly doubtful. Ask me what's on your mind.
John: Umm, would I do a good job writing the Abundance of Katherines screenplay?
Toy: Psychic energy suggests: it's not in the stars.
John: Dang.
Toy: I am thinking it over, absolutely, positively, definitely.
John: But, you just told me no.
Toy: The wisdom of the ages tells me: ask me again later
(back in room) So anyway Hank, the meeting ended up going really well, Madam See More be damned. See you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood2.0 logo) P.S. any Nerdfighters wanna participate in a top secret project? Email me at John@sparksflyup.com
Brotherhood 2.0: April 16: Brotherhood of the Traveling Shirts
Good morning Hank, it's Monday April 16th. Friendly brotherly reminder: your taxes are due tomorrow. Hank, unfortunately I wasn't able to attend any of the Step It Up rallies and I'll tell you why. Instead of protesting carbon consumption, I was myself consuming carbon on a series of airplanes trying to get from San Antonio, Texas to New York City. I eventually got home but unfortunately by then all the Step It Up rallies were finished. I did, however, make a poster: (Shows poster, which says, handwritten on a piece of letter paper: STEP IT UP, CONGRESS! AND ALSO, STEP IT UP, SELF!)
I'm not very good at posters. Hank, just in case you can't read my scribbled handwriting, my poster says, "Step it up, Congress! And also, step it up, self!" Because I feel like I'm also not doing enough in the fight against climate change. And that's why, Hank, you may notice that today the video is a little darker than it usually is: it's because, for the next week, I'm not going to be using any kind of electricity that I don't absolutely have to use. The refrigerator is going to continue to run, my computer is going to continue to run when I need to use it, but I'm not going to use lights unless they are necessary as reading lights in the evening, and I'm not going to watch TV. Except for a couple of really important soccer games.
I'm also going to minimise my use of hot water, which is extremely difficult because, as you know, I like to take baths. Hank, throughout the week I'm going to be doing things to further reduce my carbon emissions, let me know if you have any ideas. Oh, and by the way, I loved your EcoGeek podcast, and look forward to more of them. -o be careful not to cut off the beginning of your sentences.
Guess what I got this weekend at the Texas Library Association convention? (Slowly reveals t-shirt saying NERD FIGHTER) Ooooh yeah! How awesome is this shirt, Hank? It's so awesome that when I looked on the Haines tag in the back it said that it's made out of 80% cotton, 10% polyester and 10% awesome. Thanks to Laura, pictured here, delivering the shirt.
Hank, unfortunately there's only one "Nerdfighter" shirt and I don't want you to be deprived of its awesomeness. So I'm going to propose a custody-sharing arrangement. I'm gonna send you the shirt now, and then maybe you can send it back to me around June or something and then I'll send it back to you, and you'll send it back to... It's kinda like the "Brotherhood of the Travelling Shirt".
After all Hank, what is brotherhood, if not sharing clothes? Remember, we always used to share clothes growing up. Remember that sailor suit that Mom made us? That was cool. That was really cool. Man, no wonder we were nerds.
And finally, Hank, I know this isn't necessarily a political video blog, but there is some Very Exciting Political News going on right now and I can't help but share it with you: Our resident mathematician, Daniel Biss, is running for state representative in the state of Illinois! We're gonna have a resident state representative! He'll be able to pass legislation that's helpful to brothers, and nerds, and Peeps, and video blogs.
His two most important issues? Raising the amount of funding we spend on education in Illinois, which is the 49th state in terms of education - Thank God for Mississippi! - and also cutting carbon emissions. Speaking of carbon emissions, I should shut off this video camera. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and P.S.: To make this sign? I used recycled paper. This is a page from my book, Hank, which I'm just beginning to seriously revise. That process is going to take several months. So expect me to become kind of moody until, say, September.
I'm not very good at posters. Hank, just in case you can't read my scribbled handwriting, my poster says, "Step it up, Congress! And also, step it up, self!" Because I feel like I'm also not doing enough in the fight against climate change. And that's why, Hank, you may notice that today the video is a little darker than it usually is: it's because, for the next week, I'm not going to be using any kind of electricity that I don't absolutely have to use. The refrigerator is going to continue to run, my computer is going to continue to run when I need to use it, but I'm not going to use lights unless they are necessary as reading lights in the evening, and I'm not going to watch TV. Except for a couple of really important soccer games.
I'm also going to minimise my use of hot water, which is extremely difficult because, as you know, I like to take baths. Hank, throughout the week I'm going to be doing things to further reduce my carbon emissions, let me know if you have any ideas. Oh, and by the way, I loved your EcoGeek podcast, and look forward to more of them. -o be careful not to cut off the beginning of your sentences.
Guess what I got this weekend at the Texas Library Association convention? (Slowly reveals t-shirt saying NERD FIGHTER) Ooooh yeah! How awesome is this shirt, Hank? It's so awesome that when I looked on the Haines tag in the back it said that it's made out of 80% cotton, 10% polyester and 10% awesome. Thanks to Laura, pictured here, delivering the shirt.
Hank, unfortunately there's only one "Nerdfighter" shirt and I don't want you to be deprived of its awesomeness. So I'm going to propose a custody-sharing arrangement. I'm gonna send you the shirt now, and then maybe you can send it back to me around June or something and then I'll send it back to you, and you'll send it back to... It's kinda like the "Brotherhood of the Travelling Shirt".
After all Hank, what is brotherhood, if not sharing clothes? Remember, we always used to share clothes growing up. Remember that sailor suit that Mom made us? That was cool. That was really cool. Man, no wonder we were nerds.
And finally, Hank, I know this isn't necessarily a political video blog, but there is some Very Exciting Political News going on right now and I can't help but share it with you: Our resident mathematician, Daniel Biss, is running for state representative in the state of Illinois! We're gonna have a resident state representative! He'll be able to pass legislation that's helpful to brothers, and nerds, and Peeps, and video blogs.
His two most important issues? Raising the amount of funding we spend on education in Illinois, which is the 49th state in terms of education - Thank God for Mississippi! - and also cutting carbon emissions. Speaking of carbon emissions, I should shut off this video camera. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and P.S.: To make this sign? I used recycled paper. This is a page from my book, Hank, which I'm just beginning to seriously revise. That process is going to take several months. So expect me to become kind of moody until, say, September.
Tuesday, November 2
Brotherhood 2.0: March 29th: JUDGMENT FOR HANK
Good morning, Hank. It’s Thursday, March 29th, and I’m back home! Hooray hooray hooray! I know that my eye still looks jacked up and the fact of the matter is that it’s probably gonna look jacked up for a week or two. But hopefully the Nerd Fighters will understand.
Hank, I’ve got even more great news. Guess who I got an email from yesterday? You! Yes! Sucker! You accidentally included me on a list of people you sent an email to about Mom! Yes! You’re gonna get punished! Yes! Yes! (does Nerd Fighter sign) Yes!
I mean, I don’t mean to sound gleeful or anything. It’s just that I’ve had a hard week, and I look forward to you having a hard week next week. But how will I punish you? What should I do? Should I make you wax something? Should I make you sing something? Should I make you eat something? Should I make you snort something? Snorting is funny. Snorting is always funny.
In other news, Hank, when I saw your video yesterday I got to thinking about fishing boat proceeds and, specifically, whether or not you and I can possibly acquire some. I propose that by April of 2008 you and I have found a way to put some amount of fishing boat proceeds into our tax return. How hard can it be? I mean, ostensibly all you need is a fishing boat and then convince someone to give you some proceeds for the fishing boat, right? I’m not good at taxes.
(covers right eye, then left, continuing to alternate between the two) I still can’t see very good out of that eye. You know how Brotherhood 2.0 has a resident mathematician in Daniel Biss? I wish we had a resident ophthalmologist. Could someone get on that, please?
Hank, I’ve got even more great news. Guess who I got an email from yesterday? You! Yes! Sucker! You accidentally included me on a list of people you sent an email to about Mom! Yes! You’re gonna get punished! Yes! Yes! (does Nerd Fighter sign) Yes!
I mean, I don’t mean to sound gleeful or anything. It’s just that I’ve had a hard week, and I look forward to you having a hard week next week. But how will I punish you? What should I do? Should I make you wax something? Should I make you sing something? Should I make you eat something? Should I make you snort something? Snorting is funny. Snorting is always funny.
In other news, Hank, when I saw your video yesterday I got to thinking about fishing boat proceeds and, specifically, whether or not you and I can possibly acquire some. I propose that by April of 2008 you and I have found a way to put some amount of fishing boat proceeds into our tax return. How hard can it be? I mean, ostensibly all you need is a fishing boat and then convince someone to give you some proceeds for the fishing boat, right? I’m not good at taxes.
(covers right eye, then left, continuing to alternate between the two) I still can’t see very good out of that eye. You know how Brotherhood 2.0 has a resident mathematician in Daniel Biss? I wish we had a resident ophthalmologist. Could someone get on that, please?
Anyway, Hank, I need the help of the Nerd Fighters to figure out what your punishment is gonna be because at the moment I’m not feeling very creative. Mostly I’m feeling like touching my eye all the time. (close-up without his glasses) Be honest; do you think it looks better? Tell me the truth, ‘cause I really, really, really want it to get better.
So, help me help Hank get punished by leaving your suggestions in comments. Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow, hopefully out of both eyes.
So, help me help Hank get punished by leaving your suggestions in comments. Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow, hopefully out of both eyes.
March 16th: Mom, ZeFrank, and Stock Options
(singing) Happy Birthday, Dear Mom.
Happy Birthday to you.
Good morning John. It's Friday, March 16th. Today is an important day for Brotherhood 2.0 for more than one reason. Of significant importance to Brotherhood 2.0 is ZeFrank who likely inspired an awful lot of what we're doing here. Maybe even a little bit more than we realize sometimes. ZeFrank has made a hilarious video every weekday for the past year. And by doing this he has garnered international attention, and publication in the New York Times, and the viewership of hundreds of thousands. We would like to be as popular as ZeFrank, but we will never be, because we aren't anywhere near as cool as ZeFrank. But starting today, that doesn't matter anymore. ZeFrank viewers won't be able to watch ZeFrank anymore. Thus, I think ZeFrank viewers, maybe should come check out the Brotherhood.
Welcome ZeFrank viewers! Any of you out there? Isn't it gonna be a horrible life without having ZeFrank to procrastinate with? You can procrastinate with us. I mean, we blink. ZeFrank doesn't blink. We write songs though, but they're not as good as ZeFrank's songs. And we have projects that our viewers can participate in with us, but none of them are anywhere near as cool as making the entire world a sandwich.
The second reason that this is a very important day for Brotherhood 2.0, is because there is only one person who is vital to the creation of the Brotherhood, and that is our mom. Actually, today isn't Mom's birthday, tomorrow is Mom's birthday, but tomorrow is a Saturday. So there won't be any Brotherhood 2.0-ing tomorrow. So I'm taking the opportunity to celebrate Mom's birthday a day early on Brotherhood 2.0.
Now there really is no one who's more important to Brotherhood 2.0 than our Mom. I mean, we both came out of her. And I really and truly want to thank her for that. I know it must not have been very fun. I have a pretty big head. And I guess it didn't really get all that much easier for you. I mean, that first day was bad, and then there were probably some bad days pretty soon after that. I know there were some bad days a few years after that. And then high school was like all bad days. And then I went to college, and I just never called you. Ugh.
Happy Birthday Mom. Having kids kinda sucks, but I hope you know that they appreciate you. Your support has been vital. This might seem a little bit stupid, or callous or maybe even inhuman, but I think you should be able to own stock in people. So for example, when a child is born, the parents have a minority stake in the interests of the child. Whereas the child would own a full 51% of itself, the parents would only own 49.
The child could never sell its majority stake, but the parents could sell their minority stake to different people. Like when the kid goes off to college, the parents could sell like 10% of the kid to the college and that way the college can get something back from the kid for what it gives to the kid. And then later the kid might want to buy back some of his stock back from you. So he'll have more than a 51% stake in his self. Knowing my mom, she'd probably just give me that 49% and I'd own 100% of myself. But it seems somehow wrong that people can put so much energy into a person, and then that person gets to take all that energy and do whatever they want with it.
Mom, shouldn't you be getting something back? You invested a lot of time and effort and worry, and discomfort in me. And I feel bad that I just have all that stuff that you gave me and I can do whatever I want with it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Moms are great. And they do it all for nothing. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (singing) And if the world were a sandwich, we could all be one. Sandwich.
Good morning John. It's Friday, March 16th. Today is an important day for Brotherhood 2.0 for more than one reason. Of significant importance to Brotherhood 2.0 is ZeFrank who likely inspired an awful lot of what we're doing here. Maybe even a little bit more than we realize sometimes. ZeFrank has made a hilarious video every weekday for the past year. And by doing this he has garnered international attention, and publication in the New York Times, and the viewership of hundreds of thousands. We would like to be as popular as ZeFrank, but we will never be, because we aren't anywhere near as cool as ZeFrank. But starting today, that doesn't matter anymore. ZeFrank viewers won't be able to watch ZeFrank anymore. Thus, I think ZeFrank viewers, maybe should come check out the Brotherhood.
Welcome ZeFrank viewers! Any of you out there? Isn't it gonna be a horrible life without having ZeFrank to procrastinate with? You can procrastinate with us. I mean, we blink. ZeFrank doesn't blink. We write songs though, but they're not as good as ZeFrank's songs. And we have projects that our viewers can participate in with us, but none of them are anywhere near as cool as making the entire world a sandwich.
The second reason that this is a very important day for Brotherhood 2.0, is because there is only one person who is vital to the creation of the Brotherhood, and that is our mom. Actually, today isn't Mom's birthday, tomorrow is Mom's birthday, but tomorrow is a Saturday. So there won't be any Brotherhood 2.0-ing tomorrow. So I'm taking the opportunity to celebrate Mom's birthday a day early on Brotherhood 2.0.
Now there really is no one who's more important to Brotherhood 2.0 than our Mom. I mean, we both came out of her. And I really and truly want to thank her for that. I know it must not have been very fun. I have a pretty big head. And I guess it didn't really get all that much easier for you. I mean, that first day was bad, and then there were probably some bad days pretty soon after that. I know there were some bad days a few years after that. And then high school was like all bad days. And then I went to college, and I just never called you. Ugh.
Happy Birthday Mom. Having kids kinda sucks, but I hope you know that they appreciate you. Your support has been vital. This might seem a little bit stupid, or callous or maybe even inhuman, but I think you should be able to own stock in people. So for example, when a child is born, the parents have a minority stake in the interests of the child. Whereas the child would own a full 51% of itself, the parents would only own 49.
The child could never sell its majority stake, but the parents could sell their minority stake to different people. Like when the kid goes off to college, the parents could sell like 10% of the kid to the college and that way the college can get something back from the kid for what it gives to the kid. And then later the kid might want to buy back some of his stock back from you. So he'll have more than a 51% stake in his self. Knowing my mom, she'd probably just give me that 49% and I'd own 100% of myself. But it seems somehow wrong that people can put so much energy into a person, and then that person gets to take all that energy and do whatever they want with it.
Mom, shouldn't you be getting something back? You invested a lot of time and effort and worry, and discomfort in me. And I feel bad that I just have all that stuff that you gave me and I can do whatever I want with it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Moms are great. And they do it all for nothing. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (singing) And if the world were a sandwich, we could all be one. Sandwich.
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