Brotherhood 2.0: June 22: The Senator

Good morning Hank, it's Friday, June 22nd, you'll never guess where I am, unless you guess an airport, in which case, you guess right. I'm always in airports! Hank, the day before yesterday I moved to Indianapolis, Indiana. And today I'm moving to Washington, D.C. Fortunately this move is only for five days. I'm going to the American Library Association's Annual Conference, which is, like, the librarian conference for the entire year. It's huge! Don't worry I will be reporting back on Tuesday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.

June 15: AIRRRRPORRRTS!!!

Good morning John, it's Friday June 15th. I'm really sorry about this iSght camera, headset, jiggling MacBook around. In terms of video quality this is pretty horrible. But at least I have the divine light of God (gestures at bright light shining on his hands) flowing from my hands. Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!
John, coming to see you was probably worth this, but only just. I hate flying on airplanes, and living in Montana doesn't make this any easier. I woke up at around six o'clock in the morning to get in a cab this morning, and I will arrive home at one o'clock in the morning. Dominican Republic time. What I want to be doing right now is sleeping, but instead I am sitting at the base of a column of light. With people staring at me. Because they obviously think that I am really weird. But I'm just gonna do it, because my plane will arrive in Missoula after the deadline. And I must continue the Brotherhood!
So that's enough complaining. John, I think we're starting to realized that there might be long spaces of time between when we get to see each other. While that, I guess, is normal in this day in age, it's not comfortable. And it sucks. Especially when there's an Evil Baby Orphanage to create. Nerdfighters will be excited to hear that John and I were able to work on the Evil Baby Orphanage while on our family vacation. And, I can tell you one thing for sure the idea is not getting any less awesome. But of course being able to discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage was only one of the many benefits of having some non-textual but also non-video blog communication going on between the brothers.
Brotherhood 2.0 ma- became a little bit redundant for that week, but it helped highlight the difference between textual communication and video blog communication and face-to-face communication and that kinda stuff is really, I guess, what this project is about. What I realize is neither of us are really quite ourselves over instant messenger, or even over the video blogs. But we can't not be ourselves face-to-face. And it helped remind me what kinda guy you really are. And also how totally crazy you can be sometimes. I mean, I was excited about the idea of donkey polo mostly just because I think it's absolutely ridiculous. But I can't say I understand your supreme disappointment. I think that heat is a fine reason to cancel miniature donkey polo. Can you think of anything more sad than a miniature donkey overheating? That would be horrible.
But aside from your occasional bouts of high stress insanity, you're a pretty amazing brother, and a pretty amazing guy. And I'm really happy to be your brother. I hope you're having a good time on your last day in the DR, I wish I was still there with you. A lot. Except that I really kind of want to be home right now more than anything else in the world. Katherine is actually going to see this video before she sees me. Which is a little- strange. I love you baby, I'll see you soon! And John, I will see you on Monday.

Brotherhood 2.0: May 10: House Hunted?

Good morning Hank, it's Thursday May 10th, the third day of my house hunt. The Yeti and I have seen 26 houses in the last two days (shots of houses with song)
(conversing with self)
hey wait, go back, go back, is that a treehouse?
Yeah, it is.
You saw a house with a treehouse? That's awesome.
Yeah, I know, it was- it was-it was pretty cool. It was a cool house.
Hey did that house have any other really cool features?
It had a pub room.
Dude, you saw a house that had a treehouse and it had a bar downstairs where you could have two different kinds of beer on tap?
Yeah? It was pretty nice I guess?
Dude, why didn't you buy that house?
Well, cause the Yeti was all like, we need bedrooms.
(clips of houses)
Seriously Hank, that's a lot of houses. Hank, I'm gonna have to film the rest of this at the Indianapolis airport because we still have to do more house hunts.
(at airport) Hank, I have great news, or at the very least potentially great news. Sarah and I saw a house we really really really liked and we put an offer on it. That means that, it was like, we told the house we like you, and then we wrote them a note that said do you like us back? please check one: yes no maybe? And now we're waiting for the house to write is back. Specifically the house in the form of its current owners. We're very nervous.
Anyway Hank, here's a quick tour of the house that we may live in if they like our offer: (video of house) Anyway Hank, it's a great house in a great neighborhood. You can walk to this quaint, adorable little coffee shop called Starbucks. Do you like it? I hope so, because you're gonna have to come visit us alot, because we got a guest room just for you.
Anyway Hank, wish us luck with the house and I'll see you tomorrow.

Brotherhood 2.0: May 8th: House Hunters

Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday May 8th, 10th? 8th? It's an even numbered day in May. A commenter recently had an idea that we should release a Brotherhood 2.0 calendar to increase the Funds to Decrease World Suck, and I think that's a great idea. It would be exactly like a regular calendar, except without weekends, and also the date would always be wrong.
Hank we're in the airport in New York City on our way to go house hunting in Indianapolis. This will be my first time visiting Indianapolis as a, you know, resident. Hank, there were several happy birthday messages that got lost in my email that I'll have to show you on Thursday, but for now I don't have them because we're in the airport and I don't have my computer and I don't really know what's goin on and we gotta go house hunting. We're very busy we gotta meet Penny the realtor, there's a lot going on. But, I will show you those happy birthday greetings on Thursday.
Also, during the Happy Birthday Top Secret Project I learned a lot of interesting things about our Nerdfighters. For instance, did you know, and this is entirely true, one of the Nerdfighters is going to be competing this year in the National Spelling Bee in Washington, D.C. Hank we have a semi-professional speller!
Hank in other news, Maureen Johnson's book the Bermudez Triangle seems to have been sort of half way unbanned. Specifically the school administration is now arguing that they didn't ban the book at all in the first place, they just recommended that it be banned, and then removed it from the shelf, which somehow does not constitute banning. Anyway, it seems like our letters have worked and now it's just a matter of seeing if the school superintendent agrees that the book should stay on the shelves.
Observation: people look at you funny when you scream into a camera at the airport at 7:10 in the morning.
Hey Hank, while we're here at the airport I thought we might go to Hudson News to see what's goin on in the world. (Star) What's Wrong with Brit's Baby! Is not a sentence that ends in an exclamation point.
(in hotel) Hank, most of that video was filmed at like 7 o'clock this morning at the airport, and now we're in Indianapolis and it's like 11 o'clock at night and I only have about 30 minutes to upload and edit it and do everything with my Brotherhood 2.0 video and I'm extremely stressed out and plus we saw like 12 houses today and they were all nice but they also all need work and it was really really really really really really really really stressful and the last thing I want to do is come home and have to make a video.
Hank, you know when I get stressed out you know what I do? I do this thing (runs hands through hair) I do the puff? I do the puff up? I do the constant puff up? I've been doing the puff up all day (shots of him making puffing all over) You see Hank, in my life, the puff level has a direct correlation to the stress level. The puff level is high, so the stress level is high. Don't get me wrong. Shopping for houses is really really really fun, it's exciting and it feels good, and the houses are interesting and everything else, but it's also, scary. So the puff level is high, and the stress level is high. And Hank, on Thursday I'm going to need you to help me pick a house. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
Brotherhood 2.0 would like to wish a very belated but very happy 30th birthday to Shanon James. Nerdfighters!

Brotherhood 2.0: March 19th: Urban Exploration

Tobin Anderson: Good morning, Hank. It’s supposed to be Monday.
John: But in fact it’s Saturday. Hank, that’s Tobin Anderson, world famous children’s book author and winner of the 2006 National Book Award. This is the guide.
Guide: (nods, waves) What’s goin’ on?
John: Some quick background information. Before Tobin and I met up at a book festival in Kalamazoo, Tobin spent a day in Detroit looking at abandoned buildings, where he randomly met our tour guide. When we tried to fly back to the East on Friday, our flights got cancelled, so we called the guide up and he offered to take us on an urban exploring tour through the ruins of Detroit. As you will see, the guide is something of a genius.
Guide: (outside a building) He made a building that could be seen from, like, miles away, that made an impression on people, that didn’t just blend in. It stuck out.
John: Hank, that’s the Eastern Wig and Hair Company. We’re gonna go in it, I think. But not…not in a traditional way.
(Tobin hangs from a fire escape to pull it down while the guide watches)
John: Okay, so that didn’t work, Hank, and I’ll tell you why. Uh, the owner of the building happened to drive by while Tobin was pulling down the fire escape. (as he enters a dark room) Hank, I’m in an abandoned building. I’m feeling some anxiety.
Tobin: Uh, the question of abandonment.
John: Yes.
Tobin: I wonder why there are so many lights turned on?
Guide: It means there could be a caretaker. You know, it could come on and check on it. I mean, not every day.
(John looks scared) John: Hank, I think it goes without saying that you shouldn’t break into abandoned buildings, particularly not unless you have professional assistance like we did. It’s unsafe, asbestos-y, terrifying, and generally illegal.
(Tobin is lying in an old bathtub) Is it a happy place, Tobin? Does it feel safe?
Tobin: No, cause there're holes at that end of the floor. Look.
John: Oh, shit! (looking at a column; Tobin enters with a blue and grey toy football) Tobin, someone in here has played repeated games of tic-tac-toe. (Xs have won all games)
Tobin: Clearly the O’s have mad skills. (outside the building) We heard people walking around; we heard people talking. We had to flee. You can tell John…John’s anxiety from the fact that the camera is shuttering like a…like a dove giving birth.
Guide: (in the dark) Okay, we’re now entering the United Arts Theatre designed by C. Howard Crane in a Spanish Catholic saddle. We’re currently in the lobby.
John: I’m using the camera light to see where I’m going. Everything is covered in ice. It’s just layers and layers of rubble. Hank, once I got past the anxiety of being someplace I shouldn’t be, I started to think about the ruins themselves, the eerie beauty of the ice-encrusted decay. To the tour guide, the ruins seemed to represent a failure, a failure to recognize and use the gifts of the past. To Tobin, they also spoke of the inevitability of it all, the stark reminder that one day, every building will be ruins. I felt a mix of anxiety and reverence that I haven’t felt since I worked at the hospital. I kept slipping up and calling it the cathedral instead of the theatre.
Tobin: I’m on the stage now. (singing in Latin) National Geographic from 1968. (reads from cover) “Iran’s Shah crowns himself in glittering Tehran.” It was a very different time.
Guide: Now pull it back open, it should do the same thing.
John: It’s heavy, huh? Look at all these safe deposit boxes.
Guide: Go through the troll hole.
John: Oh, right, first we have to go through the troll hole again. (outside the theatre) Hank, we just came through a hole in that fence and went into that theatre and then into this office building. (looking at pictures) Hank, this is what the theatre used to look like that we were in today.
Guide: That’s decayed beyond recognition for the most part.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo; in an airport) Hey, Hank, tell me if this place looks familiar. (shot of a red Hummer; John flips it off)

Brotherhood 2.0: February 15, 2007

A bunch of high school students: Good morning, Hank! It’s Thursday!
John: Hank, after a long delay because of snow in Columbus, Ohio, I finally reached Houston, Texas, where, by the grace of God, it is not snowing. There was one really cool thing about the Columbus airport, though. They had Nerd Fighters! (shot of the Nerd Fighters game) Nerd Fighters!
Here’s my question about Nerd Fighters: Is Nerd Fighters a game about people who fight against nerds, or is it a game about nerds who fight against other people? I’ve come to believe that Nerd Fighters is a game about nerds who fight. Nerds who tackle the scourge of popular people. And I’ve been thinking to myself: this would be a great video game! It could be, like, a mix between Mortal Kombat and Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out. Like, first you pick your character. Everyone would totally have their own special powers. Like, the band geek would be like, “I will destroy your ears with my tuba!” And the theatre guy would be like, “I am an expert at sword-fighting!” And the English nerd would be like, umm, “I know a lot of Shakespeare quotes!” Using the English nerd when you’re playing Nerd Fighters is kind of like using Toad when you’re playing Super Mario Kart.
So you would pick your Nerd Fighter and then you would go to war with popular people. The Mike Tyson of the game would be the quarterback of the high school football team. And you’d have to dodge his uppercuts (dodges) and dodge his uppercuts and dodge his uppercuts and then jab! I mean, to be honest, I’ve never even really understood the war between nerds and popular people. Like, who do…who do…who do you guys got?

Glasses off, not a nerd: Umm…we’ve got George W. Bush and, like, Tom Brady.
Nerd: Oh, okay. Well, I see your George W. Bush with Bill Clinton, and I raise you an Abraham Lincoln and a Franklin Delano Roosevelt. And, I can easily see your Tom Brady with the thinking man’s football player, Tiki Barber, and I think I can raise you, hmm, an Isaac Newton, a William Shakespeare, a Blaise Pascal, an Albert Einstein, an Immanuel Kant, an Aristotle, a Jane Austen, a Bill Gates, a Mahatma Ghandi, a Nelson Mandela, and all four Beatles.
We win! And yet, Hank, the war continues. You know what we need for Nerd Fighters? We need a theme song:
(singing) We’ve got calculators and trombones.

We’ve got D&D and Star Wars drones. 

They’re in their original box, too, which makes them a lot more valuable. 

Nerd Fighters! We’re fighting nerds! [flexes arms] 

We’re no longer just using our words. 

Although, by and large, we are really articulate, so

When I’m not watching Battlestar Gallactica, 

I’m designing weapons that’ll kick your asstica. 

Nerd Fighters! We fight within our brains! 

Nerd Fighters! We bring the frakkin’ pain. 

It’s a reference to a sci-fi show. I don’t know…

I mean, maybe you never saw it, but it was really…

it was a really good show. 

Umm, I liked it a lot, umm, and some of my friends liked it. 

I mean, not…they’re not real friends. 

I just know them on the Internet.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Hank, now that you’ve successfully completed the Strawberry Hill challenge, I fell like it’s time that we had some more challenges. So maybe you or our viewers can start suggesting some.

Brotherhood 2.0: February 13, 2007

High school students in a gym: Good morning, Hank!
More high school students: Good morning, Hank!
John: (off-camera) Perfect. You were supposed to say, “It’s Tuesday,” though. [laughter] So, let’s try it again, but this time say, “It’s Tuesday.” Ready? One, two, three.
High school students: It’s Tuesday!
(cut to airport) John: I’m in the airport in New York City.

(cut to another airport) Hank, I’m at the airport in Washington, D.C.
(in a hotel room) So, for some reason that I don’t understand, Penguin got me the couples’ Valentine’s special here at my hotel in Washington, D.C. So, last night, I was treated to a dinner where I got two entrees, two appetizers, and two desserts. [grimaces] Sorry, Weight Watchers.
(in another airport) And now I’m in the airport in Chicago. I know what you’re wondering, Hank. You’re wondering, “John, how are you getting from airport to airport? Are you using a hover-craft? Are you using movie magic?” No, I’m using airplanes, and that’s unfortunate because you know what? Airplanes hate snow. Most of the people here, uh, at the moment are, uh, cameramen asking people what it’s like that all the flights are being cancelled. So, I thought I would recreate one of those interviews.
John as a cameraman: So, how do you feel about all these delays?
John as a traveler: Umm, they suck.
John as a cameraman: Could you actually…could you…could you put my question back into your answer?
John as a traveler: Umm, all these delays…of my flight suck.
Hank, I’ve spent 12 of the last 40 hours inside of airports, and you may be wondering how I pass the time when I’m here. And the answer is simple. I’ve been hard at work on my 2007 Celebrity Death Pool Lineup. A Celebrity Death Pool is where you pick 24 people who you think will die in the next year. It’s really, you know, it’s like, it’s like good, clean fun. It’s a way that I can give back, you know? The key to playing the game and still being able to live with yourself is to pick people that you’re kind of rooting for, or at least that you’re okay with the idea. I mean, obviously, you never want anyone to die. But, if people have to, and from what I understand they do, they might as well be members of al-Qaeda. So, I’d like to say a preemptive goodbye to all those I hope we will be missing come January 1st, 2008.
(“Cotton,” by The Mountain Goats, begins. People shown are: Tomoji Tanabe; Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, Ariel Sharon, Doctor Kevorkian, Unrecognized, Fidel Castro, Ayman al-Zawahiri, Charlton Heston, Saddam Hussein, and Osama bin Laden)
Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.

Brotherhood 2.0: February 12th

(Hank paddles up a river in a kayak towards the camera) Good morning, John. It’s Monday, February 12th, and I’m back in Montana. Can’t you tell? Actually, I’m probably on a plane right now, on my way to Montana. Either that or I’m in Montana, trying to chip through about three inches of ice that have formed on my sidewalk.
This is pretty much the most beautiful day I’m going to see for a long time. So I figure, I’d make my video a little early, so you could see me in Florida, doing Florida things, in a Florida hat, in a Florida kayak, in a Florida intercoastal waterway, surrounded by Florida birds, Florida fish,, and Floridians, and me…and Katherine.
(Hank in an airport) Well, it’s official. You’re going to be getting this video blog while I’m on a plane. I’m think it’s the short leg, the one from Denver to Missoula, and I’m in Denver right now.
I am, as you know, a bit of an amateur naturalist, and I’m a huge fan of birds and also a huge fan of taking pictures of birds. So I wanted to share with you some of the birds that I saw and took pictures of while on my “vacation” tour of Florida.
(Fast montage of birds) Osprey, Black Crowned Night Heron, Yellow Crowned Nigh Herons, Little Blue Herons, Great Blue Herons, Tri-Colored Herons, Snowy Egrets, Great Egrets, Cormorants, Anhingas, Ibis, Muscovy Ducks, and, most awesomely, this limpkin, who pretty much just danced around me letting me take awesome pictures of it, even though they’re one of the most rare species of birds in Florida, and almost went extinct in the early 1900s.
I made another interesting discovery while here in Florida. While visiting my old college I stopped by my old 7-11 and found a beverage that you might be interested in. (Hank in 7-11) Katherine and I are still on the yearly Tour of the Entire Southeastern United States, and I’ve been looking, at liquor stores wherever I go, trying to find Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill Flavored Citrus Wine. I’m at the 7-11 next to my old college and I found Strawberry Hill, and I’m about to buy it. So that I can complete the Strawberry Hill challenge. Finally. It looks, really gross. And it costs, it doesn’t say how much it costs. But I only have five minutes left to buy it. Five minutes to spare. That’s kind of exciting.
Guy: Did you say there’s only five minutes left to buy beer?
Hank: Yeah. Hurry!
Guy: I’d better hurry, and make my decision, huh?
Hank: Because you can’t buy alcohol on Sundays in the state of Florida. So I have to buy this right now, or else I’m not gonna get it. Bye.
(Hank in an airport) But you’re gonna have to wait until Wednesday to see the completion of the Strawberry Hill challenge. Because I don’t have time to edit it here in this airport. So, you’ll see me on Wednesday, drinking Strawberry Hill, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

Brotherhood 2.0: February 1, 2007

(group of people in a dining area) Good morning Hank!
(John again, camera pointed out a window to a body of water) This is the Savannah river. I like the bridge. I'm a sucker for bridges.
(camera now shoots a empty courtyard area) A year ago I was in this park with the Yeti. (camera now on John) Now I'm alone and I miss her and I'm sad. Is that what divorce would be like? Would divorce be like being in Savannah, Georgia all the time for the rest of life with no Yeti?
(background change) I'm in the airport of Savannah, Georgia I have to record this all in one take, and I'll tell you why I have to record it all in one take; it's because I left my power charger for my computer at home, so I only have 23 minutes of power left, and it's looking increasingly like I'm not going to get back to New York by midnight.
Hank, I'm in a good news/bad news situation. The bad news, I arrived at the airport four hours early but I won't be able to leave until my regular flight leaves because there's no earlier flights. The good news? (pans to sign of arcade) (a sign that says Aero Fighters) This game seems to be called Nerd Fighters. That's my favorite kind of fighters!
(playing the game, picking a country to be from) Hank, do I want to be from America, or Japan, or Sweden? Answer, Sweden! (picking a character) I would like to be this viking nerdkiller. (game pops up) Now I shall kill nerds! I'm scared, I'm scared, I gotta turn off the camera. I gotta go. I gotta go, bye.
(John against a wall) I don't like to travel. Okay, we're going to walk through the airport and see if we can find anything funny. (zooming in on a "Choate Construction" sign) The word Choate is funny.
Because this airport services Hilton Head, South Carolina, there are a lot of golfers here. They're not wearing golf shoes, but you can tell that they're golfers, you wanna see? Wait. (points to random people. Golfer, golfer, golfer, golfer, golfers, baby! Golfer, golfer, (focuses on his beer) this makes things easier. (focuses on chin) A word in parting, my chin is prepared.