May 9th: Singing and Randy

Good morning John, it's Wednesday, May 9th. We're gonna start with the good news and we're going to move to the bad news. The good news is that I have officially accepted your challenge. A friend of mine who you may all recognize as the other guy from Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone from Your Pants, has suggested that it would indeed be a good thing for me to write a song every two weeks. It's not Jonathan Coulton but it's as good as I can do. Every time it's my Wednesday I sing a song. The song I am about to perform is something I have written for a guy who worked really hard and got to see some of the results from his work, but not all of them because he has now passed his legacy on.
(sings)
The day that you died was a good day

hundreds of people wished you on your way

Neil Gaimen wrote about you on his blog

and you and your girl ate mini corn dogs 

oh goodbye 26 year old me 

you made a lot of money and got a master's degree 

and you married a girl we adore, 

but now I reap the rewards.
Oh thank you for all the hard work, Hank. 

Your bank account swelled a lot before it shrank, 

but you could have worked maybe a little bit harder, 

yeah I could have used a few more thousand dollars. 

Yeah goodbye 26 year old me. 

You made a lot of money and got a master's degree 

and you married a girl we adore, 

but now I reap the rewards.
You watched a lot of people get married. 

John and Sarah, John and Amy, 

Ethan and Sarah, Jason and Ashlee.

Holy crap, I bet they'll all have babies. 

Oh goodbye 26 year old me, 

you made a lot of money and got a master's degree 

and you married a girl we adore, 

but now I reap the rewards

but now I reap the rewards

yeah now I reap the rewards!
The day that you died was a good day

(speaking) I hope you all enjoyed that because now I have bad news. Today we introduce a new feature to Brotherhood 2.0 we're adding this feature under less than ideal circumstances. Brotherhood 2.0 viewer Travis Bond has created the Foundation to Decrease World Suck's World Suck Index, which you can also find on the left hand side bar. And unfortunately the World Suck Index is debuting at suck level red.  This is because Brotherhood 2.0 viewer Danny Chow has just loss his best friend. Danny's friend, Randy, recently beat cancer, but has now died of pneumonia, and I think that it's safe to say that this has increased suck levels pretty dramatically for Danny and for Randy's family. So, for the next two weeks, all donations to the Foundation to Decrease World Suck will be donated to Randy's family. John, I'll see you tomorrow.

May 7th: Birthday Extravaganza

(in a go-kart) Good morning John, it's Monday, May 9th.
(basement) 7th, not 9th. 26 was a good age. I liked it. Lots and lots of good things happened. The last day of being 26 was a great day.
I woke up, came downstairs and watched about a hundred nerdfighters give me the best birthday greeting I have ever had. And then about halfway through the day my people got a call from John Kerry's people. And when I say my people got a call, I mean one of his assistants sent me an e-mail asking if I would like to interview him. Yes I- I would like to interview John Kerry!
So that was a nice birthday present. And then, Katherine took me to see Spiderman 3.
Which was really bad. I mean generally I like any movie that's loud enough that I can fart during and no one will hear it, but I like at least a little bit of depth. I feel like they just shaved everything off the top and decided well, pssh, what do we need a writer for? We'll just pay 300 million dollars for special effects and everyone will go see it. Ya know, they were right. But that doesn't mean that's what they should do. But what's important is that we got a call before the movie started. And it was you, John, calling to tell us Neil Gaiman had posted a link to brotherhood2.com on his blog.
HOO HA!
There's not much better than having someone who you're a big fan of be a fan of something you're doing. That just feels good. Thanks Neil. And then, we came home and read Brotherhood2.0 comments. (holds up box) and ate mini corn dogs. My girl knows how to make me happy.
Additionally from Katherine I recieved: (holds up each item) Mountain Dew, Pop-Tarts, and chocolate bars. This one has baby rhinoceros chunks in it!
And from people besides Katherine: A Jet Back Cowboy Bee-bop action figure from my dad. From Brian, Jim Beam Black. From Melissa, an anatomical gummy heart. And from Kelly, this amazing nerdfighter shirt (shows T-shirt with nerds united against jock). The Nerdfighters united! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW!
I'm gonna do it. I'm just- ya know, I might as well do it on camera. (opens and eats gummy heart) At least it tastes good.
So you wouldn't think that my actual birthday could be much better than my day before my birthday would you? And really, it wasn't because I didn't wake up to the amazingness that was the Secret Project. But, I did have a bloody fantastic time. It was also my friend's Jeff Lavoy's 30th birthday, so we had a combined birthday extravaganza in three parts.
First Part: Amazing Mexican Food at Heraldo's.
Second Part: Qwivals Family Fun Center! (clips of time spent) I mean, really, you can't get much cooler than this. I got to spin the birthday wheel, and I won a cookie, there was a ridiculously amazing inflatable obstacle coarse, which I totally kicked everybody's ass at. Probably the awesomest part of Qwivel's is the go-kart racing. Which we did a lot, and pretty much all day. There was also miniature golf, which Katherine destroyed everyone at. Polishing off her victory with a final hole-in-one.
And there was laser tag, which I didn't record any of, because it was dark and I was afraid of breaking my camera. (shows image of dragon from park) Look how happy that dragon is!
Part 3! Drinking...a lot. At bars. In Missoula. Surrounded with guys with sombreros on, because it's always like that on my birthday. What are you gonna do?
Thank you everyone for making my birthday so amazing. I loved all of my birthday messages from everyone around the world. I don't think anyone ever in the history of the world has had comparable birthday experience to the one I just had. Certainly, no one has eaten half of an anatomical gummy heart, washed it down with some Mountain Dew, and then said thank you to a hundred people that he's never met for wishing him such a wonderful happy birthday. And their wishes for my happy birthday somehow became manifested in reality and I had one of the happiest birthdays of my life. Thank you all so very much. John, I will see you tomorrow.

Brotherhood 2.0: February 16th

Hank: Okay, my assignment for the day is to complete my own survey, and I have to do it really fast, so, I’m just gonna start.
(Questions are spoken in a fast forward chipmunk voice. Answers are spoken quickly)
How long have you known Hank and Katherine?
I’ve known Katherine for about nine years, now, which is, by my reckoning, a very long time. I’ve known myself for as long as a self knows itself.
What do you want from us?
From Katherine, I want nothing more than what she gives. From me, I want maybe a little bit more self-restraint and a Nintendo Wii.
What are you doing? Please be as specific as possible.
I’m making a Brotherhood 2.0 video, which is a part of the Brotherhood 2.0 project, which is a weird thing that I’m doing with my brother. It involves posting a lot of video blogs on the internet. I’m also writing ecogeek.org, which is a blog for environmental technologies. And I’m running my own web design and development business. And I’m also trying to be a freelance writer. (holds up magazine) Look! I’m in this month’s edition of mental_floss.
How long do you think you will be doing it?
Well, the video blog is another eleven months, yikes. I’ll probably be doing be doing web development for the rest of my life, and I hope to be writing for about that long, too.
What do you want to be doing?
Pretty much exactly what I’m doing, which is really lucky and amazing and for the first time I’ve ever been able to say that.
What’s next in your life?
Oh, hopefully, you know, fame and fortune. But, probably, content in obscurity.
How you doing?
Up to this point, I’ve kind of lived my life just going with the flow, you know, whichever way. But now, for the first time in my life I feel like I’ve got a paddle, and I’m beatin’ bad people over the head with it.
What’s the best book you’ve read this year?
I hate this question! Umm, serious fiction: The Memory of Whiteness. For funny fiction: Going Postal. For non-fiction: Last Child of the Woods.
Describe your perfect day.
(in high voice) Oh my God, I have to do this really quick! (normally) Wake up and check my email and discover that I’ve become famous for something that I did that’s really interesting and really cool and I’m really proud of. Go have a nice poop. Go to the beach, where it is warm and sunny and Katherine is wearing a bikini. Go hiking by a cool mountain stream. Then, for lunch, have something that I’ve never had before but which is amazingly good. Spend some time surfing, which I’ve never done before, but am suddenly extremely good at. Eat a late dinner at the Red Bird restaurant in Montana. Walk out the front door and find that everyone I know is having a block party in the alley behind the Florence Hotel. Join them.
Assuming that all things come to an end, how will humans go extinct?
I actually think that I’m an optimist when it comes to people going extinct. I think we will eventually tire of procreation and find new ways of existing that don’t involve mass slaughters and resource depletions.
How do you feel about kids these days?
Well…there’s a lot of cute ones around, and I like them. But they drool a lot and I really, really, really, really don’t want to get one myself.
In this space, compose your own question and answer it.
This is the question that I never ask because I can never find the answer to it myself. But, this year I can! What’s the best song you heard this year? Far and away, Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy.” Much better than anything he’s ever done, oh my God!
Ambrosia tastes better than anything else. What does ambrosia taste like?
Uh, like a hot dog with a stick in it, dipped in some corn batter and then…and, like, deep-fri…wait…no. Oh. Uh. Nevermind.
If you were a cliché, what cliché would you be?
Uh, either an absent-minded professor or a kid in a candy store. Which is pretty much how I feel when I’m in the zone on the internet. So, maybe absent-minded kid in a candy store.
What’s your least favorite part of any given day?
Almost invariably getting out of bed.
Do you enjoy science fiction?
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yesyesyesyesyes.
Cheese or chocolate?
Chocolate, because it’s more advanced. It’s more difficult, it’s more new and fresh and complex.
Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
Under the sea? (sings) Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me. Or maybe Mars. Umm, or maybe in a small town in Montana, or maybe in a small town in the southeastern United States. As long as all my friends were there.
What was your first concert?
The, ah, B-52s.
If you could start a business that would be instantly successful, what business would it be?
Definitely a magazine about environmental technologies, because if my business was instantly successful, then that would be really great!
Invisibility or time travel?
Definitely time travel. I don’t believe anybody’s had invisibility because time travel is… you can definitely do everything that you could do with invisibility and more. As long as I don’t have any chances of ripping shreds in space/time continuums.
What’s wrong with the world?
An underabundance of Katherines. So, yeah, definitely overpopulation: too many people. But, I really don’t want anybody to die, so I really think we should lay the blame somewhere else. Like, like, brains hardwired for a local concern in a world of global consequences. That one sounds good.
Can I put this survey on my webpage?
Abso-frickin’-lutely. (does happy dance)
Done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-Done! The survey section of this video was only three minutes and twenty-seven seconds. You can time it! So don’t go telling me that I didn’t complete the challenge just because this video is longer than three minutes and thirty seconds. I’ll see you on Monday!
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) I’ve submitted an uncompleted version of this survey to the comments of all the different places where you might find this video. All of our videos who made this challenge up for me, I would like to invite you to complete the survey yourselves. In a text-based form, in a video form, in whatever form you like. Or not at all, that’s fine, too. But I wanted to give you the chance, in case you wanted to. Also, so you could decipher if you can’t quite understand what that chipmunk is saying.

Brotherhood 2.0: January 5th

I'm home! Good morning, John, it's January 5th, and I'm sitting in my basement back home, surrounded by all the things I love. I love orange juice. I love mental floss magazine, and Benjamin Franklin. Everything is reversed when I look at it on the computer. I thought he was over here. I love these old collages that were on my wall in college that I still have taped together because I think maybe someday I'm gonna put 'em back up on a wall someday. I love that, right there. You see it? There. That's a map of the realm of Narnia. Yeah, it's a map of the realm of Narnia. Hold on, I have to go upstairs and get something.
Movie magic! Lies of omission. What did I get? We don't actually have strawberry hill here. I didn't know that. I never looked for it. Until today. Alas, Sutter Home White Zinfendale will have to do. It's gonna be kind of embarrassing if I have any of this left over in the fridge when friends come over, but it's your challenge and you did stick several pieces of toilet paper in your mouth and discussed the political situation in Nepal. I'm glad I wasn't stuck with a political situation in Nepal challenge because I don't actually know anything about Nepal. Except maybe that there's rocks and that's really only because there are rocks everywhere. A commenter suggested that I drink a glass of Strawberry Hill wine and then say "Eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal" really fast without vomiting. I'm going to do that, and there's only one way I'm going to be able to do that. And that's by eating corn dogs. Corn dogs is the only way I can chug an alcoholic beverage without puking. I don't know why. I think maybe my stomache's just like, "Oh that corn dog is so good I can't let go of it! I have to hold on to the corn dog. I don't care how much alcohol you pour in me just don't let go of the corn dog!" I really like corn dogs. It's not Strawberry Hill, but it only cost $3.65. Ugh! Bugligigligah. To brotherhood. Eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal! HOOAH! That really wasn't all that hard. What was all the fuss about? Eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal.