(plays guitar) Good morning John, it's Thursday, July 26th. And hello to our new viewers! Welcome. This is Brotherhood 2.0. (lunchbox on head) Sometimes we put stuff on our heads. (zips closed over face) (coughs) It smelled funny in there. It's been a little bit difficult for me to stop doing my happy dance lately. I'm out, at the store, and I'm doing my happy dance. I'm walking down the street and I'm doing my happy dance. I'm in the shower and I'm doing my happy dance even though it's really dangerous because there's no traction in my tub. And that could really- it could- it could turn bad. It could turn bad. For those of you who've never seen it, I just did my happy dance a little while ago and I caught it on camera so here it is. (Happy dances)
It's excellent aerobic exercise. I think that everybody knows why I've been doing my happy dance. But if not, just go onto the front page of YouTube and on there you will see me. Looking. Out. From the front page of YouTube from a little square. Aksio akio ashio assio oshkosh bigokio Deathly Hallows has been featured on the front page of YouTube! And it's been watched over 200 thousand times! 200 thousand times!
Now I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking Hank, it's really great that you were featured on the front page of YouTube. I'm- I'm happy for you. But what is the price of YouTube fame? The price is that for every 100 views your video gets there will be one comment. And when there aren't very many comments you can take them each individually and they seem lovely. And occasionally annoying. But when there are 2000 of them they start to take shape and it's a shape kind of like this (bell curve) and while this nice bell curve at the top you have lots of people being very nice you also have these two extremes. In which people are either being way too mean, or way too nice.
A sample of a comment from each section would be something like this. (starting at mean side of bell curve, moving to nice) You have: Yr Gay, Yr Gay, But yr funny, Cool video, Laughing my ass off, yr a fricken genius!, and please let me have your babies. The strange this is that when you have a big sample like this every person sees it very differently. For example your mom will see this (graph with only Cool Video Well Done :-) and LMAO, Yr a GENIUS) Whereas your wife will see this (graph with only pleaaaese let me have your babies) and you, yourself, will see this (graph with only Yr Gay and Yr Gay, But that was Funny). So in the end it becomes kind of a very stressful thing. It feels like half the people are saying you're gay, and half the people want you to have their babies. I imagine I don't have to point at the irony here. But in either case your wife is upset! But I've been able to temper it. I've been able to see that most people are just being very nice and supportive. If I can just shave off the people who either want to be my girlfriend or want me to get a girlfriend, then I can just- I can be happy.
And when they're not saying that I pronounced Accio or Akio wrong, which fine, I did, it's nice. It's pleasant. The people are very cool. Ahem, the people are very jokes. Um, yes, I do think that it would be jokes if we used the word jokes instead of jokes whenever we said jokes. I mean, I think it would be cool if we said the word jokes instead of cool every time we said the word cool.
John I'm glad you're feeling better and I will see you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label Happy Dance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happy Dance. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 10
Tuesday, November 9
July 25: Brotherhood 2.0's Youtube Comments Are Answered!
So Hank this morning the first thing I did was I got up and I went to look at YouTube, uh, and I was like, well that's weird, I don't usually see Hank's face on the front page of YouTube. That's a little- OH MY GOD WE GOT FEATURED! Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, July 25th. Hank you're getting so many comments that there's no way you can respond to all of them. So, uh, I'm going to do it for you. Until my four minute deadline I'm going to read and answer as many YouTube comments as I can. Hank, I know you're wondering, you're wondering how am I gonna know, John, if it's you or if it's a YouTuber when you're reading? The answer is that when it's a YouTuber I'm not going to have green hair, and when it's me I am going to have green hair.
(YouTuber) LOL what a sexy geek!
Actually he's a sexy nerd, but that's a common mistake.
(YouTuber) It's assio not akio. No it's ahkio not akio. No it's not, dumbass, it's ashio not akio. No it's ahkio, no it's akio, no it's oshkosh b'gosh!
OK, once and for all it's assio stop bothering him!
(YouTuber) You guys look like the Proclaimers.
Really? Did the Proclaimers have green hair?
(YouTuber) Who ever made this is a nerd.
Yes, that's the idea. We're nerds.
(YouTuber) Funny but could you look any dorkier?
Yes he could look dorkier. He could have spotty green hair.
(YouTuber) Why are dogs scared of vacuums but not of peanut butter faces?
That's a really good question. Maybe it's because vacuums are scary whereas peanut butter faces are made of awesome.
Nigeliscool657 writes: get a life, nerd.
Your screen name is Nigeliscool657, did 656 people before you have the screen name Nigeliscool? Furthermore to best of my knowledge no one in human history who is cool has ever had the screen name blank is cool ergo you are a Nerdfighter, sorry, live with it. It's a good thing.
(YouTuber) What's a Nerdfighter?
A Nerdfigher is like a regular person except instead of being composed out of, like, tissues and cells and organs, they're made out of awesome. Nerdfighters do stuff like hang out at the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants and uh, (image of pillow) embroider pillows. Hank look at those embroidered pillows! They even put my pants on them!
(YouTuber) This was so jokes. You have real skills.
Uh, this isn't really a response to that comment, but wouldn't it be great if instead of saying cool we always said jokes? Yeah, we just got featured on the front page of YouTube, it was pretty jokes. Man, the mountain goats are so jokes. Hey is it hot outside? No, it's pretty jokes.
(YouTuber) Umm, can you say obsession? Oh right, that's what you are. Cough cough. Get a life.
Uh, when you say cough cough get a life do you mean cough get a life cough? Because (coughs) get a life isn't funny, but (cough)get a life(cough) that's funny.
Pisstaker writes: Geek.
Your screen name is Pisstaker and you called Hank a geek? Um, I have a couple problems with the screen name Pisstaker. The big one is this: who isn't a piss taker? Like, how does being a piss taker set you apart from the crowd?
Kush45 writes: Got anything better to do? Like make some money? Get a job? Harry Potter doesn't care about you cuz he's not real.
Harry Potter isn't real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don't know who you are or what your name is or where you're from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter's real and you're not.
Rustyjusty123 asks: can I put your face on the MySpace?
I've heard a lot about the MySpace and I think it would be fine if you put Hank's picture on the MySpace.
(YouTuber) Wow, he's 27. He looks like my little brother. My little brother's ten.
He looks like my little brother too, and I think he's awesome!
So that's all the questions I can get through. Hank congratulations. I don't even know how to celebrate I'm so happy. I think I'm gonna put silly string in my hair and then do my happy dance. (sprays) The Yeti is going to be really mad when she gets home and sees the carpet! Happy dance time! (dances) YES! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(YouTuber) LOL what a sexy geek!
Actually he's a sexy nerd, but that's a common mistake.
(YouTuber) It's assio not akio. No it's ahkio not akio. No it's not, dumbass, it's ashio not akio. No it's ahkio, no it's akio, no it's oshkosh b'gosh!
OK, once and for all it's assio stop bothering him!
(YouTuber) You guys look like the Proclaimers.
Really? Did the Proclaimers have green hair?
(YouTuber) Who ever made this is a nerd.
Yes, that's the idea. We're nerds.
(YouTuber) Funny but could you look any dorkier?
Yes he could look dorkier. He could have spotty green hair.
(YouTuber) Why are dogs scared of vacuums but not of peanut butter faces?
That's a really good question. Maybe it's because vacuums are scary whereas peanut butter faces are made of awesome.
Nigeliscool657 writes: get a life, nerd.
Your screen name is Nigeliscool657, did 656 people before you have the screen name Nigeliscool? Furthermore to best of my knowledge no one in human history who is cool has ever had the screen name blank is cool ergo you are a Nerdfighter, sorry, live with it. It's a good thing.
(YouTuber) What's a Nerdfighter?
A Nerdfigher is like a regular person except instead of being composed out of, like, tissues and cells and organs, they're made out of awesome. Nerdfighters do stuff like hang out at the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants and uh, (image of pillow) embroider pillows. Hank look at those embroidered pillows! They even put my pants on them!
(YouTuber) This was so jokes. You have real skills.
Uh, this isn't really a response to that comment, but wouldn't it be great if instead of saying cool we always said jokes? Yeah, we just got featured on the front page of YouTube, it was pretty jokes. Man, the mountain goats are so jokes. Hey is it hot outside? No, it's pretty jokes.
(YouTuber) Umm, can you say obsession? Oh right, that's what you are. Cough cough. Get a life.
Uh, when you say cough cough get a life do you mean cough get a life cough? Because (coughs) get a life isn't funny, but (cough)get a life(cough) that's funny.
Pisstaker writes: Geek.
Your screen name is Pisstaker and you called Hank a geek? Um, I have a couple problems with the screen name Pisstaker. The big one is this: who isn't a piss taker? Like, how does being a piss taker set you apart from the crowd?
Kush45 writes: Got anything better to do? Like make some money? Get a job? Harry Potter doesn't care about you cuz he's not real.
Harry Potter isn't real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don't know who you are or what your name is or where you're from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter's real and you're not.
Rustyjusty123 asks: can I put your face on the MySpace?
I've heard a lot about the MySpace and I think it would be fine if you put Hank's picture on the MySpace.
(YouTuber) Wow, he's 27. He looks like my little brother. My little brother's ten.
He looks like my little brother too, and I think he's awesome!
So that's all the questions I can get through. Hank congratulations. I don't even know how to celebrate I'm so happy. I think I'm gonna put silly string in my hair and then do my happy dance. (sprays) The Yeti is going to be really mad when she gets home and sees the carpet! Happy dance time! (dances) YES! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Sunday, November 7
July 10: Embarassing Photographs
Good morning John, it's Tuesday, July 10th. Ooooh the Goth picture. I knew the Goth picture was going to come back. And it's back! Hmmm. John since we made a simultaneous infraction, more or less, I've been thinking that it would be great to do a simultaneous punishment. Like a punishment that played off itself. Each of us does a similar punishment. Which is why I was excited about me getting a mohawk and you getting an inverse mohawk so together we would have one normal haircut. But I understand that the Yeti doesn't want a husband with an inverse mohawk. I understand that. For now. Watch out! Because it might happen. And I am in favor of it happening.
But since you've settled on my punishment already, I would have to make your punishment play off my punishment. And the only way I could do that is if I had a (shows three pictures) really embarrassing picture of you. Oh, I do! Apparently I have several really embarrassing pictures of you. How did that happen? Let's spend some time with each of these pictures. They seem to all be from high school, which makes a good parallel with my embarrassing picture because it is also from high school.
Now, it's pretty embarrassing that two of these see, to be from academic decathlon meets. Academic decathlon meets in which you had a maroon buzz cut. Wow. Additionally they're academic decathlon meets in which you seem to have done very well (ding sound with medal shine).
Another of them is just you, shirtless, in pants that are obviously falling off, doing what looks to be a version of your happy dance. Now I certainly wouldn't mind seeing you recreate that picture.
(Nerd Fighters Unite image) Nerdfighters!
Just make the video black and white, uh put on some really big pants, uh take off your shirt and do your happy dance. I really do want these punishments to match up so I'm just gonna take one of these academic decathlon pictures, I'm gonna match it with my embarrassing picture. So let's look at them as a whole. Here's my picture. It is very embarrassing. Here's your picture, it is very embarrassing.
Now, I think we should figure out what the most embarrassing part of each of these pictures is. And my picture I think we can agree that the most embarrassing part of the picture is my face. Because of all of my Goth make up. But in your picture, I think that we can agree that the most embarrassing part is your face. Because of your cute little face, and your cute gigantic glasses, and your amazing maroon buzz cut.
Now I think that we should discuss the most embarrassing non-facial part of each of these pictures. For me, I think it's my limp wrist. And for you I think I'm gonna go with your adorable shiny gold bow-tie.
And finally I think that we should discuss our left eyes. Here's mine, and here's yours. Wow.
So John, my punishment to you, unless you add something else on to mine, is to recreate one of those two pictures. Either the one with the golden bow-tie, or the one where you're doing that dance. And I'm only give you the option because I'm not entirely sure you're going to be able to find a golden bow-tie, and it's just not gonna work without the golden bow-tie. So hopefully by Friday I'm gonna see this guy, or possibly this guy, but I will see you tomorrow.
But since you've settled on my punishment already, I would have to make your punishment play off my punishment. And the only way I could do that is if I had a (shows three pictures) really embarrassing picture of you. Oh, I do! Apparently I have several really embarrassing pictures of you. How did that happen? Let's spend some time with each of these pictures. They seem to all be from high school, which makes a good parallel with my embarrassing picture because it is also from high school.
Now, it's pretty embarrassing that two of these see, to be from academic decathlon meets. Academic decathlon meets in which you had a maroon buzz cut. Wow. Additionally they're academic decathlon meets in which you seem to have done very well (ding sound with medal shine).
Another of them is just you, shirtless, in pants that are obviously falling off, doing what looks to be a version of your happy dance. Now I certainly wouldn't mind seeing you recreate that picture.
(Nerd Fighters Unite image) Nerdfighters!
Just make the video black and white, uh put on some really big pants, uh take off your shirt and do your happy dance. I really do want these punishments to match up so I'm just gonna take one of these academic decathlon pictures, I'm gonna match it with my embarrassing picture. So let's look at them as a whole. Here's my picture. It is very embarrassing. Here's your picture, it is very embarrassing.
Now, I think we should figure out what the most embarrassing part of each of these pictures is. And my picture I think we can agree that the most embarrassing part of the picture is my face. Because of all of my Goth make up. But in your picture, I think that we can agree that the most embarrassing part is your face. Because of your cute little face, and your cute gigantic glasses, and your amazing maroon buzz cut.
Now I think that we should discuss the most embarrassing non-facial part of each of these pictures. For me, I think it's my limp wrist. And for you I think I'm gonna go with your adorable shiny gold bow-tie.
And finally I think that we should discuss our left eyes. Here's mine, and here's yours. Wow.
So John, my punishment to you, unless you add something else on to mine, is to recreate one of those two pictures. Either the one with the golden bow-tie, or the one where you're doing that dance. And I'm only give you the option because I'm not entirely sure you're going to be able to find a golden bow-tie, and it's just not gonna work without the golden bow-tie. So hopefully by Friday I'm gonna see this guy, or possibly this guy, but I will see you tomorrow.
July 9: The Punishment Fiasco
Good morning Hank it's Monday, July 9th. Welcome to my guest bedroom. By the way for the last two weeks I've been giving you a tour of my house. Have you noticed? Hank over the last few days several commenters and also some people in My Pants have said that you and I, uh, textually communicated on purpose because we miss getting punished. Would that it were so. The fact of the matter is that we're just really stupid. I mean, I don't think you're that stupid, I think that you were probably doing six at once and just happened to textually communicate with me. I think that I'm stupid. I don't enjoy punishments, although I do enjoy you getting punished.
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
June 26: The American Library Association Parties
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank! Helloooo!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Man: I can't just say good morning Hank.
John: Julie.
Julie: Yes?
John: Will you say good morning Hank?
Julie: I'm gonna make good morning Hank above 700 librarians?
John: Will you say, will you just-
Julie: Good morning Hank.
(in room) Not above 700 librarians, Hank, but along side with them.
700 librarians: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
That was a pretty great good morning Hank! Hank a lot of great things happened at the American Library Association Conference this weekend and if you're wondering why you're looking at this very strange shot instead of any of those great things, like me hanging out with Judy Blume or me going to a lot of fun parties, it's because I accidentally taped over all that stuff with 30 minutes of this stuff.
(inside) GAAAAAHHHHH (hits head) Stupid! Fortunately you will get to listen to me harangue a reader.
John: Are you a dumper?
Girl: No.
John: You're only friends cause he wants you back.
Girl: No, it was mutual actually.
John: It's never mutual.
(in room) In fact, pretty much the only things that I have footage of are: Nerdfighter Cynthia Lord winning the Newbery Honor for her book, Rules. And the Printz Award reception on Monday night.
Speaker: When I returned from mid-winter in Seattle, I was urged to check out the Brotherhood 2.0 website. (crowd laughs and applauds) Where John had a video blog of our phone call. It was fun to see his happy dance over the good news. I tuned in again the next day to see John's brother, Hank, toast him with 'here's to silver medals, to not quite doing as good as you did last time?'
(in room) Hank, the ALA convention is always fun, but this one was particularly fun because it was so Hank-tastic! Everywhere I went people were like, hey you're Hank Green's brother! And I was like, yeah, I also write books and they were like, right but you're Hank Green's brother! Four different people asked me if I knew your phone number. And I was like, he's my brother. Yes. I know his phone number. And they said, can I have it? And I said, No! People kept telling me how cute you are and how funny you are and how much they like you. So, Hank, if you like young adult literature so much I would encourage you to write so of it, because you're bound to be an instant hit.
All the Printz speeches were great, Markus Zusak, Tobin Anderson, Gene Yang, and Sonya Hartnett all were wonderful. I dunno how I did, but here's the funniest snippet, I'll let you judge.
John (at awards): People still think of librarians as these shy, retiring, flowers. When ever I hear someone stereotype a librarian like that, I always counter their story with a true one of my own. This is entirely true. I say that last year, at a librarian conference in New Orleans I learnt how hard librarians party during an evening of casual gambling when I happened across a librarian passed out drunk, sprawled across the lounge carpet of Harry's Casino. Spilled drink in one hand, and a promising first novel in the other. (laughter and applause)
Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
Woman: Hi Hank!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank! Helloooo!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Man: I can't just say good morning Hank.
John: Julie.
Julie: Yes?
John: Will you say good morning Hank?
Julie: I'm gonna make good morning Hank above 700 librarians?
John: Will you say, will you just-
Julie: Good morning Hank.
(in room) Not above 700 librarians, Hank, but along side with them.
700 librarians: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
That was a pretty great good morning Hank! Hank a lot of great things happened at the American Library Association Conference this weekend and if you're wondering why you're looking at this very strange shot instead of any of those great things, like me hanging out with Judy Blume or me going to a lot of fun parties, it's because I accidentally taped over all that stuff with 30 minutes of this stuff.
(inside) GAAAAAHHHHH (hits head) Stupid! Fortunately you will get to listen to me harangue a reader.
John: Are you a dumper?
Girl: No.
John: You're only friends cause he wants you back.
Girl: No, it was mutual actually.
John: It's never mutual.
(in room) In fact, pretty much the only things that I have footage of are: Nerdfighter Cynthia Lord winning the Newbery Honor for her book, Rules. And the Printz Award reception on Monday night.
Speaker: When I returned from mid-winter in Seattle, I was urged to check out the Brotherhood 2.0 website. (crowd laughs and applauds) Where John had a video blog of our phone call. It was fun to see his happy dance over the good news. I tuned in again the next day to see John's brother, Hank, toast him with 'here's to silver medals, to not quite doing as good as you did last time?'
(in room) Hank, the ALA convention is always fun, but this one was particularly fun because it was so Hank-tastic! Everywhere I went people were like, hey you're Hank Green's brother! And I was like, yeah, I also write books and they were like, right but you're Hank Green's brother! Four different people asked me if I knew your phone number. And I was like, he's my brother. Yes. I know his phone number. And they said, can I have it? And I said, No! People kept telling me how cute you are and how funny you are and how much they like you. So, Hank, if you like young adult literature so much I would encourage you to write so of it, because you're bound to be an instant hit.
All the Printz speeches were great, Markus Zusak, Tobin Anderson, Gene Yang, and Sonya Hartnett all were wonderful. I dunno how I did, but here's the funniest snippet, I'll let you judge.
John (at awards): People still think of librarians as these shy, retiring, flowers. When ever I hear someone stereotype a librarian like that, I always counter their story with a true one of my own. This is entirely true. I say that last year, at a librarian conference in New Orleans I learnt how hard librarians party during an evening of casual gambling when I happened across a librarian passed out drunk, sprawled across the lounge carpet of Harry's Casino. Spilled drink in one hand, and a promising first novel in the other. (laughter and applause)
Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
Friday, November 5
June 11: SURPRISE
(on beach) Good morning John, it's Monday, June 11th.
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
June 7: Weather and My Pants
(pans to Hank hiding under the butt of a giant cow sculpture) Good morning, John it's Thursday June 9th.
(at home) 7th, not 9th. That was me poking my head out of the butt of a giant cow. And that's all that I'm going to say about that. Light, sound, and position check for The Weather Channel.
I know what you're thinking: where did he get that amazing yellow light in the background? It's just a Compact Fluorescent Lightbulb with some tissue paper wrapped around it. I'm so clever. I thought maybe you and the Nerdfighters would a-appreciate an increase in the amount of production value, which means no clutter behind me, maybe a little bit more light on my face, dark no patterned shirt, no They Might Be Giants posters, regular kind of frame- head and shoulders. None of this business or like this business (very close camera shots) Sideways face shots.
Ok this actually isn't for you and the Nerdfighters, this is for The Weather Channel. Because I'm going to try and get my ass on the station. And I don't know that that's gonna happen, and it's a little bit sad. They're being finicky about me living in the middle of no where. If I lived in LA or something, they wouldn't have any problems at all getting me on the station. Since I live in Montana, they called it a daunting task. I don't wanna be a daunting task. I just wanna be on The Weather Channel. Hank Green: Clean Technology Expert. Hank Green: Editor in Chief EcoGeek.org. Hank Green: (shot of cat) Satisfied Cat Owner. Hank Green: Yo Baby's Daddy. Hank Green: Addicted to My Pants.
Which brings me to My Pants. One evening I left My Pants and then, the next morning, when I went back to My Pants, there were over 300 registered users in My Pants that had posted, like, a thousand posts in My Pants. At first I was worried My Pants had gotten too big for its britches, but then I realized that I was just never going to be able to conceptualize and participate in all of My Pants. I'm sorry about that, but My Pants have gotten very big. Very quickly! Hoo Hah! Nerdfighters! (does salute)
Jeez, you guys! That's some impressive foruming! Well done! I am so glad that I created that forum, you guys are amazing. Discussions surround the Evil Baby Orphanage and the presidential election. I am never again going to lack for book suggestions. Woohoo! It's very exciting, thank you for your support.
I think it's really weird that I sometimes get paid in gift cards, like, why do I need a hundred dollar gift card to CDW? Can't you give me a hundred dollars? So that I can pay rent? (phone rings) I think that may be The Weather Channel calling. Hello? Hello Sid Moore from The Weather Channel- I also wanted to ask, like what would the byline? I don't know what the word is. Just don't put .com because that would be a disaster. Cause it's .org. Yeah. It's OK, it's a long and painful story. Cool. Thanks a lot. Yeah, awesome. Bye.
Woo-o-oaaahhh!! I'm gonna be on The Weather Channel. Oh my God that is the dorkiest thing in the world to be excited about. Wow. I would do my happy dance but this set up is fragile. I should show you. This is my tripod. (stool with stack of books) it's some books on a stool. And my MacBook is in my lap. And that's how I'm controlling everything from my command station here. And if I did a happy dance it would all fall over. This is me, like, touching (shakes) ooooohhhhhhh aah! So that's why I'm not doing a happy dance. But I would, otherwise. Well, I'm running out of time and space, ummm, on my hard drive, so I have to clean that out before The Weather Channel calls tomorrow. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow.
(at home) 7th, not 9th. That was me poking my head out of the butt of a giant cow. And that's all that I'm going to say about that. Light, sound, and position check for The Weather Channel.
I know what you're thinking: where did he get that amazing yellow light in the background? It's just a Compact Fluorescent Lightbulb with some tissue paper wrapped around it. I'm so clever. I thought maybe you and the Nerdfighters would a-appreciate an increase in the amount of production value, which means no clutter behind me, maybe a little bit more light on my face, dark no patterned shirt, no They Might Be Giants posters, regular kind of frame- head and shoulders. None of this business or like this business (very close camera shots) Sideways face shots.
Ok this actually isn't for you and the Nerdfighters, this is for The Weather Channel. Because I'm going to try and get my ass on the station. And I don't know that that's gonna happen, and it's a little bit sad. They're being finicky about me living in the middle of no where. If I lived in LA or something, they wouldn't have any problems at all getting me on the station. Since I live in Montana, they called it a daunting task. I don't wanna be a daunting task. I just wanna be on The Weather Channel. Hank Green: Clean Technology Expert. Hank Green: Editor in Chief EcoGeek.org. Hank Green: (shot of cat) Satisfied Cat Owner. Hank Green: Yo Baby's Daddy. Hank Green: Addicted to My Pants.
Which brings me to My Pants. One evening I left My Pants and then, the next morning, when I went back to My Pants, there were over 300 registered users in My Pants that had posted, like, a thousand posts in My Pants. At first I was worried My Pants had gotten too big for its britches, but then I realized that I was just never going to be able to conceptualize and participate in all of My Pants. I'm sorry about that, but My Pants have gotten very big. Very quickly! Hoo Hah! Nerdfighters! (does salute)
Jeez, you guys! That's some impressive foruming! Well done! I am so glad that I created that forum, you guys are amazing. Discussions surround the Evil Baby Orphanage and the presidential election. I am never again going to lack for book suggestions. Woohoo! It's very exciting, thank you for your support.
I think it's really weird that I sometimes get paid in gift cards, like, why do I need a hundred dollar gift card to CDW? Can't you give me a hundred dollars? So that I can pay rent? (phone rings) I think that may be The Weather Channel calling. Hello? Hello Sid Moore from The Weather Channel- I also wanted to ask, like what would the byline? I don't know what the word is. Just don't put .com because that would be a disaster. Cause it's .org. Yeah. It's OK, it's a long and painful story. Cool. Thanks a lot. Yeah, awesome. Bye.
Woo-o-oaaahhh!! I'm gonna be on The Weather Channel. Oh my God that is the dorkiest thing in the world to be excited about. Wow. I would do my happy dance but this set up is fragile. I should show you. This is my tripod. (stool with stack of books) it's some books on a stool. And my MacBook is in my lap. And that's how I'm controlling everything from my command station here. And if I did a happy dance it would all fall over. This is me, like, touching (shakes) ooooohhhhhhh aah! So that's why I'm not doing a happy dance. But I would, otherwise. Well, I'm running out of time and space, ummm, on my hard drive, so I have to clean that out before The Weather Channel calls tomorrow. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow.
Thursday, November 4
May 25th: FreeMonkey's Tour
Good morning, John, it's Friday May 25th. FreeMonkey and I are about to go on the town. (shot of FreeMonkey with cat) This is what FreeMonkey has mostly been doing since he's been here. He's become kind of friends with the cat. I just put him there and she goes up and they sit together. FreeMonkey!
(Shot of FreeMonkey on bridge) But now FreeMonkey's goin out on the town! We're gonna stop by a couple of places, and then we're gonna hike up to the M. This is where we're goin, buddy (shot of large M on mountain).
First stop: Missoula's carousel at Caras Park. He looks pretty secure on there. (FreeMonkey has the buckle wrapped around him, shot of Buckle Up! It's the Law! sign) announcer: FreeMonkey is riding on (unintelligible) Everyone make their very best monkey noise, if you would, to get this ride started. (group makes monkey noises) Hold on tight everybody! (carousel runs)
(at park) Little boy: Are you swinging that?
It's my monkey, he's taking a swing.
Now FreeMonkey and I are getting a haircut. (FreeMonkey getting shampooed) It's my friend Maureen's monkey, and she is publishing a book, and he's going on tour before her book.
Woman: So am I gonna be in the tour?
Umm, yes, your hands will be anyways.
Woman (snipping): Actually there is a couple of little hairs...
There's a couple little hairs?
Woman: yeah.
Woman off camera: what the heck are you guys doing?
Woman: (laughs) I'm gonna be on the book tour! (brushes off FreeMonkey) Aaah!
And then FreeMonkey and I achieved our goal, we hiked and hiked and hiked until we got to Missoula, Montana's M. And then FreeMonkey sat and gazed upon the city of Missoula.
(inside) Where will FreeMonkey go next? And here's my haircut! Puff levels are lower. It was a fun day. In celebration of FreeMonkey's excellent day today and all of John's Holland happy dances, and also because the period of collection for Randy's family has ended, The World Suck Index has decreased to Suck Level: Yellow- Merely elevated. It's a great day in the history of World Suck, the first time that the World Suck Meter has ever been at anything besides Severe. It's kind of hard to celebrate when a period of mourning ends. Like, nobody celebrates when the flag goes up from half mast after a national disaster. Yay we don't have to mourn any more! You can't really celebrate that.
Thinkin about that got me thinkin about the period of time after a president's death when we all have the flags at half mast and we mourn. Thinkin about that got me thinking about how weird that is gonna be when I'm mourning the death of George Bush. Thinkin about that made me realize that since I am so much younger than George Bush, chances are I will live to see the day when he dies. Thinkin about that actually kinda made me a little happy. And at first thinkin about that kinda made me a little bit ashamed, but then I realized that it's not because he'd be dead or because someone would be dying or because I want him to die, because a part of me suddenly realized that there's a lot of future yet to come. And that I'm gonna be around to see a lot of that future. Thinkin about that actually kinda made me pretty hopeful.
I'll see you on Monday.
(Shot of FreeMonkey on bridge) But now FreeMonkey's goin out on the town! We're gonna stop by a couple of places, and then we're gonna hike up to the M. This is where we're goin, buddy (shot of large M on mountain).
First stop: Missoula's carousel at Caras Park. He looks pretty secure on there. (FreeMonkey has the buckle wrapped around him, shot of Buckle Up! It's the Law! sign) announcer: FreeMonkey is riding on (unintelligible) Everyone make their very best monkey noise, if you would, to get this ride started. (group makes monkey noises) Hold on tight everybody! (carousel runs)
(at park) Little boy: Are you swinging that?
It's my monkey, he's taking a swing.
Now FreeMonkey and I are getting a haircut. (FreeMonkey getting shampooed) It's my friend Maureen's monkey, and she is publishing a book, and he's going on tour before her book.
Woman: So am I gonna be in the tour?
Umm, yes, your hands will be anyways.
Woman (snipping): Actually there is a couple of little hairs...
There's a couple little hairs?
Woman: yeah.
Woman off camera: what the heck are you guys doing?
Woman: (laughs) I'm gonna be on the book tour! (brushes off FreeMonkey) Aaah!
And then FreeMonkey and I achieved our goal, we hiked and hiked and hiked until we got to Missoula, Montana's M. And then FreeMonkey sat and gazed upon the city of Missoula.
(inside) Where will FreeMonkey go next? And here's my haircut! Puff levels are lower. It was a fun day. In celebration of FreeMonkey's excellent day today and all of John's Holland happy dances, and also because the period of collection for Randy's family has ended, The World Suck Index has decreased to Suck Level: Yellow- Merely elevated. It's a great day in the history of World Suck, the first time that the World Suck Meter has ever been at anything besides Severe. It's kind of hard to celebrate when a period of mourning ends. Like, nobody celebrates when the flag goes up from half mast after a national disaster. Yay we don't have to mourn any more! You can't really celebrate that.
Thinkin about that got me thinkin about the period of time after a president's death when we all have the flags at half mast and we mourn. Thinkin about that got me thinking about how weird that is gonna be when I'm mourning the death of George Bush. Thinkin about that made me realize that since I am so much younger than George Bush, chances are I will live to see the day when he dies. Thinkin about that actually kinda made me a little happy. And at first thinkin about that kinda made me a little bit ashamed, but then I realized that it's not because he'd be dead or because someone would be dying or because I want him to die, because a part of me suddenly realized that there's a lot of future yet to come. And that I'm gonna be around to see a lot of that future. Thinkin about that actually kinda made me pretty hopeful.
I'll see you on Monday.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 24: How to Happy Dance
Dutch students: Goedemorgen Hank!
Woman: Goedemorgen Hank. Alles goed?
(John on square that plays music, happy dancing. The Yeti giggles) Hank it's been such a long day that I have to talk to you about it here in the car at night with the crazy light on that makes me look like I'm a serial killer. First I visited with kids at this school. Hank can you imagine if, like, a Spanish language or French language author showed up in an American high school and started talking to them in Spanish or French? And yet these kids were quite attentive. Some of them, it must be said, seem to speak English better than I do.
Then I got my picture taken, and I stood on this sign (I amsterdam sign) which was really scary cause I'm afraid of heights even if the height is only four feet.
The Yeti: why don't you stand up, John, I think it'll be easier.
I'm not gonna stand up, are you crazy?
Hank you wanna know something interesting about the Netherlands? It's easy to tell who the German tourists are (shot of people in camo) They're always wearing camo pants! Even the babies! Hank I tried to film these windmills for you but a gasoline truck got in the way.
(shot of fried ball) Hank this is a bitterball (laughter) And this is mustard. Everyone at the cafe finds this very funny. I am now going to eat a bitterball (woman off camera: with mustard) with mustard. All right? (eats) It's delicious. You know what it tastes like? It tastes like if you took meat, and flour, and hope and you fried it.
Then I did my happy dance man, I love doing my happy dance (happy dance) Hank, my happy dance is huge in the Netherlands, it's so huge that later, when I went to Rotterdam, pictured here, people in my Dutch publisher- the best publisher in all of Holland- were like Hey, can you do your happy dance outside the restaurant where we're taking you out to dinner?
(outside restaurant) Hank, the people at Lemniscaat have asked to see my happy dance and I never turn down a request from my Dutch publisher, so here it is! (dances, applause and laughter) The police stopped, because I think- I think they were trying to figure out if that was illegal. (people try happy dances, more laughing)
Hank the Yeti's response to your brilliant song will have to wait until Monday. I'll see you tomorrow.
Woman: Goedemorgen Hank. Alles goed?
(John on square that plays music, happy dancing. The Yeti giggles) Hank it's been such a long day that I have to talk to you about it here in the car at night with the crazy light on that makes me look like I'm a serial killer. First I visited with kids at this school. Hank can you imagine if, like, a Spanish language or French language author showed up in an American high school and started talking to them in Spanish or French? And yet these kids were quite attentive. Some of them, it must be said, seem to speak English better than I do.
Then I got my picture taken, and I stood on this sign (I amsterdam sign) which was really scary cause I'm afraid of heights even if the height is only four feet.
The Yeti: why don't you stand up, John, I think it'll be easier.
I'm not gonna stand up, are you crazy?
Hank you wanna know something interesting about the Netherlands? It's easy to tell who the German tourists are (shot of people in camo) They're always wearing camo pants! Even the babies! Hank I tried to film these windmills for you but a gasoline truck got in the way.
(shot of fried ball) Hank this is a bitterball (laughter) And this is mustard. Everyone at the cafe finds this very funny. I am now going to eat a bitterball (woman off camera: with mustard) with mustard. All right? (eats) It's delicious. You know what it tastes like? It tastes like if you took meat, and flour, and hope and you fried it.
Then I did my happy dance man, I love doing my happy dance (happy dance) Hank, my happy dance is huge in the Netherlands, it's so huge that later, when I went to Rotterdam, pictured here, people in my Dutch publisher- the best publisher in all of Holland- were like Hey, can you do your happy dance outside the restaurant where we're taking you out to dinner?
(outside restaurant) Hank, the people at Lemniscaat have asked to see my happy dance and I never turn down a request from my Dutch publisher, so here it is! (dances, applause and laughter) The police stopped, because I think- I think they were trying to figure out if that was illegal. (people try happy dances, more laughing)
Hank the Yeti's response to your brilliant song will have to wait until Monday. I'll see you tomorrow.
May 22: Brotherhood 2.0 in Amsterdam
Good morning Hank, it’s Tuesday and I am in Amsterdam. And boy, are we having a good time. I like Amsterdam so much that it makes me do my happy dance. (Happy dances on bridge) The natives laughed at me.
The Yeti: A-Amused laughter or embarrassed-for-you laughter?
John: I think they felt ashamed.
The Yeti: Yeah. Crazy American?
John: Just, just ashamed, uh, that their city would attract someone like me.
The Yeti: A-Amused laughter or embarrassed-for-you laughter?
John: I think they felt ashamed.
The Yeti: Yeah. Crazy American?
John: Just, just ashamed, uh, that their city would attract someone like me.
Hank, we’ve done a lot of things in our first few days in Amsterdam. One of the most fun things we did was go to the Contemporary Art Museum. Here we see the videotaped encounter of a spaceman looking at the Buddha, and the Buddha looking back at the spaceman. (robot dances) This piece made me want to do this dance for some reason. That was weird. On our way out of that museum I got so excited that I started doing this. (does jig with music)
Hank, when I first found out I was coming to Amsterdam I thought it would be kind of like a drug-addled den of iniquity, you know? That it would be kind of like a dirty, debaucherous place like Las Vegas, but with legal weed. But it turns out it’s one of the cleanest, most beautiful cities that I’ve ever visited. It has lots of beautiful green space. Everyone bikes everywhere. And when they don’t bike they use small, efficient cars. Even the toilets are ecologically friendly (shot of port-o-potty called Eco Toilet)! Even though English isn’t the first language the graffiti is surprisingly thoughtful (graffiti says 'Love does its duty and then fades away'). There are lots of beautiful fresh flowers, and the people are so friendly that even when a business is closed, they want you to come in (shot of sign that says Come in, We're Closed). And all of the buildings are beautiful, including the shopping malls.
In fact the Yeti and I have been talking constantly about how we can move here. Although as I do keep telling the Yet, Indianapolis is truly the Amsterdam of central Indiana.
It’s all enough that it makes me want to do my happy dance some more! (Happy dances in various public areas) The things I do to entertain you, Hank. In summation, Hank, it seems to me that Amsterdam is like a lot of great cities will be fifty years from now. It’s efficient, sustainable, and mostly underwater.
Hank, I have very limited internet access but I hope I’ll see you tomorrow.
Hank, when I first found out I was coming to Amsterdam I thought it would be kind of like a drug-addled den of iniquity, you know? That it would be kind of like a dirty, debaucherous place like Las Vegas, but with legal weed. But it turns out it’s one of the cleanest, most beautiful cities that I’ve ever visited. It has lots of beautiful green space. Everyone bikes everywhere. And when they don’t bike they use small, efficient cars. Even the toilets are ecologically friendly (shot of port-o-potty called Eco Toilet)! Even though English isn’t the first language the graffiti is surprisingly thoughtful (graffiti says 'Love does its duty and then fades away'). There are lots of beautiful fresh flowers, and the people are so friendly that even when a business is closed, they want you to come in (shot of sign that says Come in, We're Closed). And all of the buildings are beautiful, including the shopping malls.
In fact the Yeti and I have been talking constantly about how we can move here. Although as I do keep telling the Yet, Indianapolis is truly the Amsterdam of central Indiana.
It’s all enough that it makes me want to do my happy dance some more! (Happy dances in various public areas) The things I do to entertain you, Hank. In summation, Hank, it seems to me that Amsterdam is like a lot of great cities will be fifty years from now. It’s efficient, sustainable, and mostly underwater.
Hank, I have very limited internet access but I hope I’ll see you tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 2
Brotherhood 2.0: March 13, 2007: Denver
All right ready? 1 2 3
Audience: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
Holy crap, that was a lot of people. (points at his shirt, reads Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants) how awesome is that? (Happy dance)
Yesterday I was speaking in front of all those Borders managers. Thanks for participating by the way. But today I don't have anything to do at all, so I thought I'd just walk around Denver. It sure is beautiful here, although unfortunately the city is being attacked by a giant bear (bear statue is attacking building).
First I ran into this guy (worker with Stop sign in front of stop light) his job seems kind of redundant. Then, because it is important to me to appreciate the local cuisine, I went and had lunch at Chilli's too. I'm telling you man, this town is being attacked by giant metal bears.
Then I found myself at ESPN zone and I thought: "Maybe they have nerdfighters". They didn't have nerdfighters. But they sure had boxing. And horse racing. Ah, boy, horse racing is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks. ESPN zone might not be the fastest way to spend $10.00, but it's the fastest way I ever encountered.
Then I happened across a mall. Hank, I haven't been to a mall in 10 years, so I decided to do an anthropological experiment and see how much malls have changed in the decade that I've been away. (shots of what is listed) Fuax marble tile? check. Sunglasses hut? check. Nobody needs a shoe shine? check. Panda express? check. Subway? check. Flag World? check. (holds up a miniature-montana-flag, which falls apart) Sorry, it broke on the way home. By the way, low quality merchandise at high quality merchandise prices? check. Card store, where you don't want to buy any of the cards? check. Now I know what you're wondering Hank. You're wondering: "Well, sure they still have card stores, but do they still sell the same items that they did 10 years ago?". Check! And now you're saying: "OK fine, they still sell Ty stuffed animals, but do they still sell those glass-etchings that are extraordinarily cheesy but sometimes convey true sentiments?" (A glass etching of "I'm so lucky to have such a Wonderful Wife" is zoomed in on) Check. I miss the yeti.
Gourmet gumballs? check. GNC? check. Wait, wait, wait. Go back! Gourmet gumballs? Gourmet gumballs? What kind of flavors you got? Chocolate milkshake, creamsicle, banana-strawberry, nerds gum. Nerd gum? Rock!
Hank, in short: according to my anthropological experiment, the American mall remains largely unchanged from what it was 10 years ago. The primary difference? It's just a little more awesome. Mmmmm, nerdy. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Audience: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
Holy crap, that was a lot of people. (points at his shirt, reads Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants) how awesome is that? (Happy dance)
Yesterday I was speaking in front of all those Borders managers. Thanks for participating by the way. But today I don't have anything to do at all, so I thought I'd just walk around Denver. It sure is beautiful here, although unfortunately the city is being attacked by a giant bear (bear statue is attacking building).
First I ran into this guy (worker with Stop sign in front of stop light) his job seems kind of redundant. Then, because it is important to me to appreciate the local cuisine, I went and had lunch at Chilli's too. I'm telling you man, this town is being attacked by giant metal bears.
Then I found myself at ESPN zone and I thought: "Maybe they have nerdfighters". They didn't have nerdfighters. But they sure had boxing. And horse racing. Ah, boy, horse racing is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks. ESPN zone might not be the fastest way to spend $10.00, but it's the fastest way I ever encountered.
Then I happened across a mall. Hank, I haven't been to a mall in 10 years, so I decided to do an anthropological experiment and see how much malls have changed in the decade that I've been away. (shots of what is listed) Fuax marble tile? check. Sunglasses hut? check. Nobody needs a shoe shine? check. Panda express? check. Subway? check. Flag World? check. (holds up a miniature-montana-flag, which falls apart) Sorry, it broke on the way home. By the way, low quality merchandise at high quality merchandise prices? check. Card store, where you don't want to buy any of the cards? check. Now I know what you're wondering Hank. You're wondering: "Well, sure they still have card stores, but do they still sell the same items that they did 10 years ago?". Check! And now you're saying: "OK fine, they still sell Ty stuffed animals, but do they still sell those glass-etchings that are extraordinarily cheesy but sometimes convey true sentiments?" (A glass etching of "I'm so lucky to have such a Wonderful Wife" is zoomed in on) Check. I miss the yeti.
Gourmet gumballs? check. GNC? check. Wait, wait, wait. Go back! Gourmet gumballs? Gourmet gumballs? What kind of flavors you got? Chocolate milkshake, creamsicle, banana-strawberry, nerds gum. Nerd gum? Rock!
Hank, in short: according to my anthropological experiment, the American mall remains largely unchanged from what it was 10 years ago. The primary difference? It's just a little more awesome. Mmmmm, nerdy. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: February 16th
Hank: Okay, my assignment for the day is to complete my own survey, and I have to do it really fast, so, I’m just gonna start.
(Questions are spoken in a fast forward chipmunk voice. Answers are spoken quickly)
How long have you known Hank and Katherine?
I’ve known Katherine for about nine years, now, which is, by my reckoning, a very long time. I’ve known myself for as long as a self knows itself.
What do you want from us?
From Katherine, I want nothing more than what she gives. From me, I want maybe a little bit more self-restraint and a Nintendo Wii.
What are you doing? Please be as specific as possible.
I’m making a Brotherhood 2.0 video, which is a part of the Brotherhood 2.0 project, which is a weird thing that I’m doing with my brother. It involves posting a lot of video blogs on the internet. I’m also writing ecogeek.org, which is a blog for environmental technologies. And I’m running my own web design and development business. And I’m also trying to be a freelance writer. (holds up magazine) Look! I’m in this month’s edition of mental_floss.
How long do you think you will be doing it?
Well, the video blog is another eleven months, yikes. I’ll probably be doing be doing web development for the rest of my life, and I hope to be writing for about that long, too.
What do you want to be doing?
Pretty much exactly what I’m doing, which is really lucky and amazing and for the first time I’ve ever been able to say that.
What’s next in your life?
Oh, hopefully, you know, fame and fortune. But, probably, content in obscurity.
How you doing?
Up to this point, I’ve kind of lived my life just going with the flow, you know, whichever way. But now, for the first time in my life I feel like I’ve got a paddle, and I’m beatin’ bad people over the head with it.
What’s the best book you’ve read this year?
I hate this question! Umm, serious fiction: The Memory of Whiteness. For funny fiction: Going Postal. For non-fiction: Last Child of the Woods.
Describe your perfect day.
(in high voice) Oh my God, I have to do this really quick! (normally) Wake up and check my email and discover that I’ve become famous for something that I did that’s really interesting and really cool and I’m really proud of. Go have a nice poop. Go to the beach, where it is warm and sunny and Katherine is wearing a bikini. Go hiking by a cool mountain stream. Then, for lunch, have something that I’ve never had before but which is amazingly good. Spend some time surfing, which I’ve never done before, but am suddenly extremely good at. Eat a late dinner at the Red Bird restaurant in Montana. Walk out the front door and find that everyone I know is having a block party in the alley behind the Florence Hotel. Join them.
Assuming that all things come to an end, how will humans go extinct?
I actually think that I’m an optimist when it comes to people going extinct. I think we will eventually tire of procreation and find new ways of existing that don’t involve mass slaughters and resource depletions.
How do you feel about kids these days?
Well…there’s a lot of cute ones around, and I like them. But they drool a lot and I really, really, really, really don’t want to get one myself.
In this space, compose your own question and answer it.
This is the question that I never ask because I can never find the answer to it myself. But, this year I can! What’s the best song you heard this year? Far and away, Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy.” Much better than anything he’s ever done, oh my God!
Ambrosia tastes better than anything else. What does ambrosia taste like?
Uh, like a hot dog with a stick in it, dipped in some corn batter and then…and, like, deep-fri…wait…no. Oh. Uh. Nevermind.
If you were a cliché, what cliché would you be?
Uh, either an absent-minded professor or a kid in a candy store. Which is pretty much how I feel when I’m in the zone on the internet. So, maybe absent-minded kid in a candy store.
What’s your least favorite part of any given day?
Almost invariably getting out of bed.
Do you enjoy science fiction?
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yesyesyesyesyes.
Cheese or chocolate?
Chocolate, because it’s more advanced. It’s more difficult, it’s more new and fresh and complex.
Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
Under the sea? (sings) Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me. Or maybe Mars. Umm, or maybe in a small town in Montana, or maybe in a small town in the southeastern United States. As long as all my friends were there.
What was your first concert?
The, ah, B-52s.
If you could start a business that would be instantly successful, what business would it be?
Definitely a magazine about environmental technologies, because if my business was instantly successful, then that would be really great!
Invisibility or time travel?
Definitely time travel. I don’t believe anybody’s had invisibility because time travel is… you can definitely do everything that you could do with invisibility and more. As long as I don’t have any chances of ripping shreds in space/time continuums.
What’s wrong with the world?
An underabundance of Katherines. So, yeah, definitely overpopulation: too many people. But, I really don’t want anybody to die, so I really think we should lay the blame somewhere else. Like, like, brains hardwired for a local concern in a world of global consequences. That one sounds good.
Can I put this survey on my webpage?
Abso-frickin’-lutely. (does happy dance)
Done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-Done! The survey section of this video was only three minutes and twenty-seven seconds. You can time it! So don’t go telling me that I didn’t complete the challenge just because this video is longer than three minutes and thirty seconds. I’ll see you on Monday!
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) I’ve submitted an uncompleted version of this survey to the comments of all the different places where you might find this video. All of our videos who made this challenge up for me, I would like to invite you to complete the survey yourselves. In a text-based form, in a video form, in whatever form you like. Or not at all, that’s fine, too. But I wanted to give you the chance, in case you wanted to. Also, so you could decipher if you can’t quite understand what that chipmunk is saying.
(Questions are spoken in a fast forward chipmunk voice. Answers are spoken quickly)
How long have you known Hank and Katherine?
I’ve known Katherine for about nine years, now, which is, by my reckoning, a very long time. I’ve known myself for as long as a self knows itself.
What do you want from us?
From Katherine, I want nothing more than what she gives. From me, I want maybe a little bit more self-restraint and a Nintendo Wii.
What are you doing? Please be as specific as possible.
I’m making a Brotherhood 2.0 video, which is a part of the Brotherhood 2.0 project, which is a weird thing that I’m doing with my brother. It involves posting a lot of video blogs on the internet. I’m also writing ecogeek.org, which is a blog for environmental technologies. And I’m running my own web design and development business. And I’m also trying to be a freelance writer. (holds up magazine) Look! I’m in this month’s edition of mental_floss.
How long do you think you will be doing it?
Well, the video blog is another eleven months, yikes. I’ll probably be doing be doing web development for the rest of my life, and I hope to be writing for about that long, too.
What do you want to be doing?
Pretty much exactly what I’m doing, which is really lucky and amazing and for the first time I’ve ever been able to say that.
What’s next in your life?
Oh, hopefully, you know, fame and fortune. But, probably, content in obscurity.
How you doing?
Up to this point, I’ve kind of lived my life just going with the flow, you know, whichever way. But now, for the first time in my life I feel like I’ve got a paddle, and I’m beatin’ bad people over the head with it.
What’s the best book you’ve read this year?
I hate this question! Umm, serious fiction: The Memory of Whiteness. For funny fiction: Going Postal. For non-fiction: Last Child of the Woods.
Describe your perfect day.
(in high voice) Oh my God, I have to do this really quick! (normally) Wake up and check my email and discover that I’ve become famous for something that I did that’s really interesting and really cool and I’m really proud of. Go have a nice poop. Go to the beach, where it is warm and sunny and Katherine is wearing a bikini. Go hiking by a cool mountain stream. Then, for lunch, have something that I’ve never had before but which is amazingly good. Spend some time surfing, which I’ve never done before, but am suddenly extremely good at. Eat a late dinner at the Red Bird restaurant in Montana. Walk out the front door and find that everyone I know is having a block party in the alley behind the Florence Hotel. Join them.
Assuming that all things come to an end, how will humans go extinct?
I actually think that I’m an optimist when it comes to people going extinct. I think we will eventually tire of procreation and find new ways of existing that don’t involve mass slaughters and resource depletions.
How do you feel about kids these days?
Well…there’s a lot of cute ones around, and I like them. But they drool a lot and I really, really, really, really don’t want to get one myself.
In this space, compose your own question and answer it.
This is the question that I never ask because I can never find the answer to it myself. But, this year I can! What’s the best song you heard this year? Far and away, Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy.” Much better than anything he’s ever done, oh my God!
Ambrosia tastes better than anything else. What does ambrosia taste like?
Uh, like a hot dog with a stick in it, dipped in some corn batter and then…and, like, deep-fri…wait…no. Oh. Uh. Nevermind.
If you were a cliché, what cliché would you be?
Uh, either an absent-minded professor or a kid in a candy store. Which is pretty much how I feel when I’m in the zone on the internet. So, maybe absent-minded kid in a candy store.
What’s your least favorite part of any given day?
Almost invariably getting out of bed.
Do you enjoy science fiction?
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yesyesyesyesyes.
Cheese or chocolate?
Chocolate, because it’s more advanced. It’s more difficult, it’s more new and fresh and complex.
Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
Under the sea? (sings) Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me. Or maybe Mars. Umm, or maybe in a small town in Montana, or maybe in a small town in the southeastern United States. As long as all my friends were there.
What was your first concert?
The, ah, B-52s.
If you could start a business that would be instantly successful, what business would it be?
Definitely a magazine about environmental technologies, because if my business was instantly successful, then that would be really great!
Invisibility or time travel?
Definitely time travel. I don’t believe anybody’s had invisibility because time travel is… you can definitely do everything that you could do with invisibility and more. As long as I don’t have any chances of ripping shreds in space/time continuums.
What’s wrong with the world?
An underabundance of Katherines. So, yeah, definitely overpopulation: too many people. But, I really don’t want anybody to die, so I really think we should lay the blame somewhere else. Like, like, brains hardwired for a local concern in a world of global consequences. That one sounds good.
Can I put this survey on my webpage?
Abso-frickin’-lutely. (does happy dance)
Done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-done-Done! The survey section of this video was only three minutes and twenty-seven seconds. You can time it! So don’t go telling me that I didn’t complete the challenge just because this video is longer than three minutes and thirty seconds. I’ll see you on Monday!
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) I’ve submitted an uncompleted version of this survey to the comments of all the different places where you might find this video. All of our videos who made this challenge up for me, I would like to invite you to complete the survey yourselves. In a text-based form, in a video form, in whatever form you like. Or not at all, that’s fine, too. But I wanted to give you the chance, in case you wanted to. Also, so you could decipher if you can’t quite understand what that chipmunk is saying.
Brotherhood 2.0: January 30, 2007
You know I think we all know something special happened yesterday on Brotherhood 2.0. But I don’t, I don’t think we have to talk about it; I don’t think we have to go into details about how it felt, or how wonderful it was. Uh, it’s like the last night of camp, you know? You experience it, and you just know, because it’s in here. (points to heart)
(Cut to John standing in his living room with a Wii-mote in hand) Good morning, Hank. (Wii-mote beeps) Wow it makes noise! It’s Tuesday, January 30th, hold on one second, I just, I just hafta, I just have to play my new Wiiiiiiiii. (does happy dance) It occurs to me now that playing the Wii is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks.
Something from the comments: Commenter “anonymous”, wait, isn’t that Ze Frank’s thing? Doesn’t he say “S-something from the comments”? We gotta think of something else; we gotta have like a Voices from the Comments! “Anonymous” says: Hank, you keep raising the bar. I feel kinda bad for John and his unenviable position of following your postings. YOU feel kinda bad for John?! Jesus, anonymous, try being John! Ugh, what am I gonna do today? I got some in your pants jokes, anyone wanna hear some in your pants jokes?
But Hank, I’d like to discuss a serious issue, which is the issue of Everyone Poops. Hank, the question I have for you and our viewership is this: Which is funnier, Everyone Poops in My Pants, or Everyone Poops in Your Pants? Brotherhood 2.0 project: Once we decide whether Everyone Poops in Your Pants, or Everyone Poops in My Pants, I’m going to write an entire picture book called one of those two titles, which I will then read on the air. Maybe, if we get lucky, the Yeti will do some drawings.
In other news, I seem to have accidentally cc-ed you on an e-mail. STUPID STUPID! This means that I have to do a punishment. Hank, be kind to me. Remember, we’re brothers. I’ll see you tomorrow.
(Cut to John standing in his living room with a Wii-mote in hand) Good morning, Hank. (Wii-mote beeps) Wow it makes noise! It’s Tuesday, January 30th, hold on one second, I just, I just hafta, I just have to play my new Wiiiiiiiii. (does happy dance) It occurs to me now that playing the Wii is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks.
Something from the comments: Commenter “anonymous”, wait, isn’t that Ze Frank’s thing? Doesn’t he say “S-something from the comments”? We gotta think of something else; we gotta have like a Voices from the Comments! “Anonymous” says: Hank, you keep raising the bar. I feel kinda bad for John and his unenviable position of following your postings. YOU feel kinda bad for John?! Jesus, anonymous, try being John! Ugh, what am I gonna do today? I got some in your pants jokes, anyone wanna hear some in your pants jokes?
But Hank, I’d like to discuss a serious issue, which is the issue of Everyone Poops. Hank, the question I have for you and our viewership is this: Which is funnier, Everyone Poops in My Pants, or Everyone Poops in Your Pants? Brotherhood 2.0 project: Once we decide whether Everyone Poops in Your Pants, or Everyone Poops in My Pants, I’m going to write an entire picture book called one of those two titles, which I will then read on the air. Maybe, if we get lucky, the Yeti will do some drawings.
In other news, I seem to have accidentally cc-ed you on an e-mail. STUPID STUPID! This means that I have to do a punishment. Hank, be kind to me. Remember, we’re brothers. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: January 23rd
(Hank is sitting on a black couch in front of a fireplace with a wine glass full of liquid and a coat on.)
Good morning John. It's Tuesday, January 23rd. (Blows on drink in glass) If you're wondering why I'm blowing on my wine, it's because its tea. But I needed something that I could toast with. Congratulations on your Printz nomination. I wasn't excited enough, I need to be more excited about that. (Does Happy Dance) (Toasts) To the Printz Award! To An Abundance of Katherines! To Katherines! There's one sitting right here. She's waving. To silver metals! To not quite doing as good as you did the last time!
Sorry, that was kinda mean.
So I was in a bookstore today and the lady came up to me and said, you're John Green's brother. Oh-Ho!
So it turns out that I'm famous now. Well, she might very well be your biggest fan. She has a section of her bookstore devoted entirely to you. In fact, there are several sections in her book store devoted entirely to you. Well they're all kind of small. She had heard you won the Printz Prize. (Does Happy Dance) I don't know what you're gonna do with all of them man. You're just rackin' 'em up. What do you do with two Printz Awards? Do you actually get a thing? Do you get, like, a statue? (high pitched voice) eh congratulations! Or do you just, ya know, every single one of your books get a sticker on it. Which is cool. I like the sticker, I think the sticker is good. Or do you just get more money? Do they give you more money? Is there any, ya know, reward?
Now there's something that I wanted to talk to you about. When you recieved the information that you were getting the Printz Award, one of the things that you did not do, was your Happy Dance. Is your Happy Dance actually your Happy Dance? Or are you just trying to entertain us? Because if you're just trying to entertain us, then this thing isn't real, man, and it has to be real! Or you know, it could be fake. We could start faking things, and that might be interesting. For example, I generally sit by the fire, with a glass of wine... in my girlfriend's coat...
Katherine: Girlfriend?
Hank: Girlfriend (laughs) Yes...girlfriend's coat. We aren't married 'cause this is fake time. I'm lying about things. Obviously. So I was recently at your friend Maureen Johnson's blog. She discussed a long conversation which you and Johnson and Lockheart had, concerning the suffix, "in your pants." It turns out that every book title, becomes better when you add "in your pants" to the end of the title. I'm going to go around this lovely cabin and find books.
The Dance of the Dissident Daugher in Your Pants! Present Moment, Wonderful Moment in Your Pants. Stumbling on Happiness in Your Pants. The Left Hand of Darkness in Your Pants. The Student Bible in Your Pants.
(Shows Hank's torso and pants. opens coat, undoes fly, pulls The Student Bible out of his pants)
(back to Hank) Yeah... So...I'll see you tomorrow.
And I know that you don't personally know this, but Katherines in your pants is actually quite a nice thing. I don't know about an abundance of Katherines... I promise, I don't. But one Katherine in my pants... is quite nice.
Good morning John. It's Tuesday, January 23rd. (Blows on drink in glass) If you're wondering why I'm blowing on my wine, it's because its tea. But I needed something that I could toast with. Congratulations on your Printz nomination. I wasn't excited enough, I need to be more excited about that. (Does Happy Dance) (Toasts) To the Printz Award! To An Abundance of Katherines! To Katherines! There's one sitting right here. She's waving. To silver metals! To not quite doing as good as you did the last time!
Sorry, that was kinda mean.
So I was in a bookstore today and the lady came up to me and said, you're John Green's brother. Oh-Ho!
So it turns out that I'm famous now. Well, she might very well be your biggest fan. She has a section of her bookstore devoted entirely to you. In fact, there are several sections in her book store devoted entirely to you. Well they're all kind of small. She had heard you won the Printz Prize. (Does Happy Dance) I don't know what you're gonna do with all of them man. You're just rackin' 'em up. What do you do with two Printz Awards? Do you actually get a thing? Do you get, like, a statue? (high pitched voice) eh congratulations! Or do you just, ya know, every single one of your books get a sticker on it. Which is cool. I like the sticker, I think the sticker is good. Or do you just get more money? Do they give you more money? Is there any, ya know, reward?
Now there's something that I wanted to talk to you about. When you recieved the information that you were getting the Printz Award, one of the things that you did not do, was your Happy Dance. Is your Happy Dance actually your Happy Dance? Or are you just trying to entertain us? Because if you're just trying to entertain us, then this thing isn't real, man, and it has to be real! Or you know, it could be fake. We could start faking things, and that might be interesting. For example, I generally sit by the fire, with a glass of wine... in my girlfriend's coat...
Katherine: Girlfriend?
Hank: Girlfriend (laughs) Yes...girlfriend's coat. We aren't married 'cause this is fake time. I'm lying about things. Obviously. So I was recently at your friend Maureen Johnson's blog. She discussed a long conversation which you and Johnson and Lockheart had, concerning the suffix, "in your pants." It turns out that every book title, becomes better when you add "in your pants" to the end of the title. I'm going to go around this lovely cabin and find books.
The Dance of the Dissident Daugher in Your Pants! Present Moment, Wonderful Moment in Your Pants. Stumbling on Happiness in Your Pants. The Left Hand of Darkness in Your Pants. The Student Bible in Your Pants.
(Shows Hank's torso and pants. opens coat, undoes fly, pulls The Student Bible out of his pants)
(back to Hank) Yeah... So...I'll see you tomorrow.
And I know that you don't personally know this, but Katherines in your pants is actually quite a nice thing. I don't know about an abundance of Katherines... I promise, I don't. But one Katherine in my pants... is quite nice.
Brotherhood 2.0, January 22, 2007
(Shot of John's shirt with the words: Haikus are easy/ But sometimes they don't make sense/ Refrigerator)
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, January 22nd. Thank you for this shirt. I love this shirt, and it is also an excellent motivator to continue losing weight. (whispers) It's a little tight!
(cut to John's face) Seriously it's my favorite shirt out of all the shirts I have ever owned. I was planning on starting the survey today, but unfortunately that's gonna have to wait until Wednesday. Hank, as you know I write books for teenagers, and the biggest award in the world of books for teenagers is this thing called the Printz Award, which is given out every year for literary excellence. Last night I received a call from the Printz Committee saying that my new book, An Abundance of Katherines, has been awarded a Printz honor for 2007. So, that was nice and really really unexpected.
Sarah didn't pick up the camera right when they called, but she picked it up shortly after. As a bonus you are about to hear the voice of the Yeti.
(cut to shot of John on phone) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, are you serious? Really? (pause) Hahahaha! They keep saying, they keep saying we're fucking serious. (The Yeti and John laugh) I can't believe it! Oh my God! Really? Wow! Wow! (pause with hand over mouth and shaking head) Oh my God, guys, I cannot, I can't believe this. Thank you guys so much, tha- thi- Wow. (happy jumping)
The Yeti: This is John's real Happy Dance.
(John no longer on phone) I'm just, like, all flustered. (dialing) I hope they're home.
The Yeti: They have phones.
John: I don't want to leave it in a message.
The Yeti: Yeah don't leave a message.
John: Hi it's John, Katherines got a Printz Honor, Katherines is one of the runners up for the Printz Awards, it gets the silver medal on it. I know! No, I'm serious. I can't believe it. Yeah, it's funny, we're recording it for the video blog, so it'll be hilarious on the blog. No I'm not shitting you, I I I am also, I am also surprised. (laughs) Oh my God, I can't believe it. Ah. No the committee, yeah the committee called me, they were very nice. They wouldn't tell me who won, though. Yeah, I can't believe it, so, pretty, pretty amazing, so yeah.
(Cut back to John not on phone) And finally Hank, I'd like to say thank you for the lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady John Green song, which is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me in my whole entire life. And by nice, I mean hilariously mean. Why is it I equate niceness and hilarious meanness? Oh, right, it's from growing up in our family. I'll see you tomorrow.
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, January 22nd. Thank you for this shirt. I love this shirt, and it is also an excellent motivator to continue losing weight. (whispers) It's a little tight!
(cut to John's face) Seriously it's my favorite shirt out of all the shirts I have ever owned. I was planning on starting the survey today, but unfortunately that's gonna have to wait until Wednesday. Hank, as you know I write books for teenagers, and the biggest award in the world of books for teenagers is this thing called the Printz Award, which is given out every year for literary excellence. Last night I received a call from the Printz Committee saying that my new book, An Abundance of Katherines, has been awarded a Printz honor for 2007. So, that was nice and really really unexpected.
Sarah didn't pick up the camera right when they called, but she picked it up shortly after. As a bonus you are about to hear the voice of the Yeti.
(cut to shot of John on phone) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, are you serious? Really? (pause) Hahahaha! They keep saying, they keep saying we're fucking serious. (The Yeti and John laugh) I can't believe it! Oh my God! Really? Wow! Wow! (pause with hand over mouth and shaking head) Oh my God, guys, I cannot, I can't believe this. Thank you guys so much, tha- thi- Wow. (happy jumping)
The Yeti: This is John's real Happy Dance.
(John no longer on phone) I'm just, like, all flustered. (dialing) I hope they're home.
The Yeti: They have phones.
John: I don't want to leave it in a message.
The Yeti: Yeah don't leave a message.
John: Hi it's John, Katherines got a Printz Honor, Katherines is one of the runners up for the Printz Awards, it gets the silver medal on it. I know! No, I'm serious. I can't believe it. Yeah, it's funny, we're recording it for the video blog, so it'll be hilarious on the blog. No I'm not shitting you, I I I am also, I am also surprised. (laughs) Oh my God, I can't believe it. Ah. No the committee, yeah the committee called me, they were very nice. They wouldn't tell me who won, though. Yeah, I can't believe it, so, pretty, pretty amazing, so yeah.
(Cut back to John not on phone) And finally Hank, I'd like to say thank you for the lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady John Green song, which is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me in my whole entire life. And by nice, I mean hilariously mean. Why is it I equate niceness and hilarious meanness? Oh, right, it's from growing up in our family. I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: January 18, 2007
(fast-forwarded voice squeaks while John builds/ fails to build a house of cards)
(cut to John) Good morning, Hank. It's Thursday, January 18th. (Does Happy Dance) Yes!
If you're wondering why I'm doing my Happy Dance, it's because I lost three pounds this week! I'm only twelve pounds away from being a light-heavyweight according to the International Boxing Federation. Yes! (Does punch combo while breathing loudly)
Unfortunately I am also doing my sad dance. (Sad Dance) So I may have to extend my deadline by a couple of days which is particularly humiliating considering I shared it in public on our video blog, but I think I will definitely be done by Wednesday. Definitely by Wednesday! Definitely by Wednesday!!! DEFINITELY BY WEDNESDAY! Next Friday by the very latest.
Sometimes when I take a morning off from writing I like to go outside, walk through the park, and play this game. The game called who's outside on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
(sings with accompanying video)
Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Funny doooog.
(cut to John) Good morning, Hank. It's Thursday, January 18th. (Does Happy Dance) Yes!
If you're wondering why I'm doing my Happy Dance, it's because I lost three pounds this week! I'm only twelve pounds away from being a light-heavyweight according to the International Boxing Federation. Yes! (Does punch combo while breathing loudly)
Unfortunately I am also doing my sad dance. (Sad Dance) So I may have to extend my deadline by a couple of days which is particularly humiliating considering I shared it in public on our video blog, but I think I will definitely be done by Wednesday. Definitely by Wednesday! Definitely by Wednesday!!! DEFINITELY BY WEDNESDAY! Next Friday by the very latest.
Sometimes when I take a morning off from writing I like to go outside, walk through the park, and play this game. The game called who's outside on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
(sings with accompanying video)
Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Funny doooog.
(faster) Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Nanny, nanny, rich kid
Funny doooog.
Brotherhood 2.0: January 12, 2007
(takes sip of beer) Good morning Hank, it's Friday, January 12th. If you're wondering why I'm drinking a beer in the morning, it's because it's 12:15 in the morning, I have to get up early tomorrow so I'm doing the blog tonight. If you're wondering why I'm drinking Light beer instead of regular beer it's because I'm doing Weight Watchers. I don't like Weight Watchers. I'm tired of eating popcorn. They don't give you enough points! I need more points!
This video blog points is going to consist entirely of ideas. Misprinted business card utilization ideas: if you had a hole punch, a lot of patience, and a lot of dental floss, you could make Katherine a dress. You could eat them while discussing the political situation in Kenya. Since you just got married you could use them to write very terse thank you notes in very small hand-writing. You could use them to wall-paper every room in your dollhouse (everybody thinks you have a dollhouse now!)
Punishment ideas: I'm just going to pick punishment ideas from things that are currently in our living room. Several of our books would make excellent punishments. This is The Continuing History of Apocalypticism. It's 11 hundred pages long. It's pretty punishing. The person who fails to update has to send out a Christmas card next year, and the Christmas card has to include the picture of a baby, someone else's baby. Maybe Emmet Cloud's baby. The person who fails to update has to knit a scarf. That would suck. The person who fails to update has to eat one styrofoam peanut. And finally: Don't you think it would be a good punishment if you had to do your Happy Dance for three minutes and thirty seconds, but you could only do it in five second clips at a time, so you had to have a total of... ah jeez, it's too late to call Daniel, hold on. Seventy? I think? Seventy dances in seventy different locations? That'd be a pretty good punishment. Or maybe that should be a project? Maybe we could intersperse our Happy Dances. you do 35, I do 35. That has some appeal for me, any interest?
This video blog points is going to consist entirely of ideas. Misprinted business card utilization ideas: if you had a hole punch, a lot of patience, and a lot of dental floss, you could make Katherine a dress. You could eat them while discussing the political situation in Kenya. Since you just got married you could use them to write very terse thank you notes in very small hand-writing. You could use them to wall-paper every room in your dollhouse (everybody thinks you have a dollhouse now!)
Punishment ideas: I'm just going to pick punishment ideas from things that are currently in our living room. Several of our books would make excellent punishments. This is The Continuing History of Apocalypticism. It's 11 hundred pages long. It's pretty punishing. The person who fails to update has to send out a Christmas card next year, and the Christmas card has to include the picture of a baby, someone else's baby. Maybe Emmet Cloud's baby. The person who fails to update has to knit a scarf. That would suck. The person who fails to update has to eat one styrofoam peanut. And finally: Don't you think it would be a good punishment if you had to do your Happy Dance for three minutes and thirty seconds, but you could only do it in five second clips at a time, so you had to have a total of... ah jeez, it's too late to call Daniel, hold on. Seventy? I think? Seventy dances in seventy different locations? That'd be a pretty good punishment. Or maybe that should be a project? Maybe we could intersperse our Happy Dances. you do 35, I do 35. That has some appeal for me, any interest?
Monday, November 1
Brotherhood 2.0: Eating Toilet Paper
Good Morning Hank, it's Thursday January 4 I'm standing on top of little Pisgah mountain in North Carolina. [Jump to John inside] That was actually recorded on Wednesday January 3rd, but you'd have no way of knowing. I believe that's what they call movie magic! Hank, in your last video you asked me to continue our discussion of our differences. I think one of the most important differences between us is that you are excellent at living in a way that's commensurate with your values where as I am not. Uh, for instance, I didn't recycle until I watched An Inconvenient Truth, and I'm still sorta iffy on it. And also, uh, I didn't vote *sigh* in 2000. Even though I could have voted in Florida. AH GEORGE BUSH IT'S ALL MY FAULT! GOD I'M SO STUPID! Let's change the subject.
Also we have vastly different happy dances. Well I noticed that in your last video you completely ignored my "Eat Five Sheets of Toilet Paper While Discussing the Political Situation in Nepal" challenge. Let's just admit that that was some awesome pronunciation. If you're not going to eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal, well, I'm going to. All right, Green, you better do this in one take because it's not gonna be fun. *first and second sheets of toilet paper ingested* *gag* The thing about the political situation in Nepal is that there are these (unintelligible) rebels who control one half of the country. Who has Maoist rebels any more? Ugh. No. *gagging/coughing* I can't do it, Hank. I think this stuff is two-ply. I think that was part of the problem because if you get the one-ply stuff, I can just oghomamamam just down that stuff, but this stuff? Ooph. Also, Hank, I have great news! Brotherhood 2.0 viewer, Peter, just had a baby. Well actually his wife had a baby. She was in labor for 32 hours! I'm thinking maybe we should get them a baby present. What do you call a baby present? A baby-warming present? Baby..shower...baby... A baby present. I was thinking maybe we could let Peter pick a project or challenge for us? What do you think?
Also we have vastly different happy dances. Well I noticed that in your last video you completely ignored my "Eat Five Sheets of Toilet Paper While Discussing the Political Situation in Nepal" challenge. Let's just admit that that was some awesome pronunciation. If you're not going to eat five sheets of toilet paper while discussing the political situation in Nepal, well, I'm going to. All right, Green, you better do this in one take because it's not gonna be fun. *first and second sheets of toilet paper ingested* *gag* The thing about the political situation in Nepal is that there are these (unintelligible) rebels who control one half of the country. Who has Maoist rebels any more? Ugh. No. *gagging/coughing* I can't do it, Hank. I think this stuff is two-ply. I think that was part of the problem because if you get the one-ply stuff, I can just oghomamamam just down that stuff, but this stuff? Ooph. Also, Hank, I have great news! Brotherhood 2.0 viewer, Peter, just had a baby. Well actually his wife had a baby. She was in labor for 32 hours! I'm thinking maybe we should get them a baby present. What do you call a baby present? A baby-warming present? Baby..shower...baby... A baby present. I was thinking maybe we could let Peter pick a project or challenge for us? What do you think?
Brotherhood 2.0: January 3rd
Hi John! Good morning! It's Brotherhood 2.0 with Hank and John Green!
Wow, that guy was having fun. It's seven o'clock in the morning and I'm about to get on a plane. Yesterday I was sledding down a hill at Lake Tahoe. That was fun, this isn't fun. I hope you don't mind if I make a suggestion as to how to begin our conversation on this video blog. Being your brother is kinda frustrating some times. This is because people walk up to me and they say, "Gosh, you look so much like your brother. Oh, your jokes are very similar to your brother's, except you're not quite as funny as him." Apparently some people even think that we look like the twin rock duo, The Proclaimers, which is admittedly better than people thinking that we look like the twin rock duo, Nelson. So, I would like to propose a list. We make a video blog list of all the ways in which we are very very different people.
Things like: in the last few years John Green has gotten kind of pudgy. Whereas, in the next few years Hank Green will get kind of pudgy. And also things like: John Green has never spilled a tiny amount of beer on his wife's MacBook, which then proceeded to not boot up. And also, John Green didn't almost ruin the video blog experiment by not having a computer that would work. And also, John Green didn't do the Happy Dance when his wife was in the shower, and he reinstalled the battery and tried to boot it up the next morning and it worked. (dances) And also, John Green probably would have told his wife about the incident instead of hoping everything would turn out OK. Sorry honey! And also, and also, and also. And also John Green doesn't constantly and vainly obsess about his hair, which apparently I do. On some level, performing a version of 500 Miles on this show actually does appeal to me. Punishment, project, or challenge?
Wow, that guy was having fun. It's seven o'clock in the morning and I'm about to get on a plane. Yesterday I was sledding down a hill at Lake Tahoe. That was fun, this isn't fun. I hope you don't mind if I make a suggestion as to how to begin our conversation on this video blog. Being your brother is kinda frustrating some times. This is because people walk up to me and they say, "Gosh, you look so much like your brother. Oh, your jokes are very similar to your brother's, except you're not quite as funny as him." Apparently some people even think that we look like the twin rock duo, The Proclaimers, which is admittedly better than people thinking that we look like the twin rock duo, Nelson. So, I would like to propose a list. We make a video blog list of all the ways in which we are very very different people.
Things like: in the last few years John Green has gotten kind of pudgy. Whereas, in the next few years Hank Green will get kind of pudgy. And also things like: John Green has never spilled a tiny amount of beer on his wife's MacBook, which then proceeded to not boot up. And also, John Green didn't almost ruin the video blog experiment by not having a computer that would work. And also, John Green didn't do the Happy Dance when his wife was in the shower, and he reinstalled the battery and tried to boot it up the next morning and it worked. (dances) And also, John Green probably would have told his wife about the incident instead of hoping everything would turn out OK. Sorry honey! And also, and also, and also. And also John Green doesn't constantly and vainly obsess about his hair, which apparently I do. On some level, performing a version of 500 Miles on this show actually does appeal to me. Punishment, project, or challenge?
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