Brotherhood 2.0: February 6th

Good morning John, it's Tuesday, February 6th. (clip of Hank shaving his chin, then shot of his shaven chin) Clean Chin! (shot of Hank holding his hands up to his chin) I'm really sorry, I didn't realize that was going to be quite that horrible. Apparently wax is not made for facial hair. I've read now online some really horrible stories about big chunks of skin getting ripped off. I had no idea, I'm so sorry, that looked really horrible. And also, extremely funny. (mimics John's pulling off the waxing strip) Three tries to get it the first time! That..ugh (covers his own chin) Well, at least those hairs won't grow back for a while, or maybe ever, since you may have done some permanent damage. Anyway!
During our Tour of the Entire Southeastern United States, Katherine and I have run across several...babies, and I can't help thinking about your response to the "how do you feel about babies" question. You want an army of babies, dozens of babies, but your only problem is you don't know where to put babies. That is not my only problem. I have found the babies to be rather adorable though.
(shot of The Katherine playing with a baby, saying, "Look at Uncle Hank! Uncle Hank!)

Uncle Hank! I'm Uncle Hank! I think that's adorable! Yeah, when I married Katherine I became an uncle because Katherine's brother has a son, so when you have a baby I won't be able to say, "Oh, I'm an Uncle now!" because I'm already an uncle. Sorry about that. Anyway. Now that I've met a few, I actually...kind of...like them. I've met a very interesting baby here at Katherine's parent's house. She's called Baby Shingy (holds up a very frighteningly meant-to-be-cute doll dressed in green and pink). I want you to listen very carefully to what baby Shingy has to say. (he pulls the cord attached to the doll) Baby Shingy: Play Patty Cake 

Hank: Play Potty Cake (pulls again)

Baby Shingy: I'm sleepy

Hank: I'm stinky. (pulls)

Baby Shingy: Peek-a-boo! 

Hank: Chicken poo? Hehehe, this is the kind of baby I want. You can shake it, and it makes noises, it's scary looking. Here I come, I'm scary baby!

I am still very excited about the prospect of you having a baby though, so don't take the uncle thing the wrong way. I'm especially excited about the prospect of you having babies because then mom maybe will stop bothering me about it so much. So, how's that going for you? I can think of a dozen great places to put a baby in your apartment! It could be fun, like everyday Sarah comes home and you'll say, "Find the baby!" and she has to search through the entire apartment trying to find where you hid the baby! Wow, having a baby's gonna be a lot of fun! I hope you let me know as soon as you have any news on that front. Just like you called me five or six minutes after you lost your virginity; it's really important that you share stuff like that with me. (shakes head) Anyway, I hope both of us are fertile, and that neither of us have to be punished ever again! I'll see you tomorrow.