(plays guitar) Good morning John, it's Thursday, July 26th. And hello to our new viewers! Welcome. This is Brotherhood 2.0. (lunchbox on head) Sometimes we put stuff on our heads. (zips closed over face) (coughs) It smelled funny in there. It's been a little bit difficult for me to stop doing my happy dance lately. I'm out, at the store, and I'm doing my happy dance. I'm walking down the street and I'm doing my happy dance. I'm in the shower and I'm doing my happy dance even though it's really dangerous because there's no traction in my tub. And that could really- it could- it could turn bad. It could turn bad. For those of you who've never seen it, I just did my happy dance a little while ago and I caught it on camera so here it is. (Happy dances)
It's excellent aerobic exercise. I think that everybody knows why I've been doing my happy dance. But if not, just go onto the front page of YouTube and on there you will see me. Looking. Out. From the front page of YouTube from a little square. Aksio akio ashio assio oshkosh bigokio Deathly Hallows has been featured on the front page of YouTube! And it's been watched over 200 thousand times! 200 thousand times!
Now I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking Hank, it's really great that you were featured on the front page of YouTube. I'm- I'm happy for you. But what is the price of YouTube fame? The price is that for every 100 views your video gets there will be one comment. And when there aren't very many comments you can take them each individually and they seem lovely. And occasionally annoying. But when there are 2000 of them they start to take shape and it's a shape kind of like this (bell curve) and while this nice bell curve at the top you have lots of people being very nice you also have these two extremes. In which people are either being way too mean, or way too nice.
A sample of a comment from each section would be something like this. (starting at mean side of bell curve, moving to nice) You have: Yr Gay, Yr Gay, But yr funny, Cool video, Laughing my ass off, yr a fricken genius!, and please let me have your babies. The strange this is that when you have a big sample like this every person sees it very differently. For example your mom will see this (graph with only Cool Video Well Done :-) and LMAO, Yr a GENIUS) Whereas your wife will see this (graph with only pleaaaese let me have your babies) and you, yourself, will see this (graph with only Yr Gay and Yr Gay, But that was Funny). So in the end it becomes kind of a very stressful thing. It feels like half the people are saying you're gay, and half the people want you to have their babies. I imagine I don't have to point at the irony here. But in either case your wife is upset! But I've been able to temper it. I've been able to see that most people are just being very nice and supportive. If I can just shave off the people who either want to be my girlfriend or want me to get a girlfriend, then I can just- I can be happy.
And when they're not saying that I pronounced Accio or Akio wrong, which fine, I did, it's nice. It's pleasant. The people are very cool. Ahem, the people are very jokes. Um, yes, I do think that it would be jokes if we used the word jokes instead of jokes whenever we said jokes. I mean, I think it would be cool if we said the word jokes instead of cool every time we said the word cool.
John I'm glad you're feeling better and I will see you tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 10
Tuesday, November 9
July 25: Brotherhood 2.0's Youtube Comments Are Answered!
So Hank this morning the first thing I did was I got up and I went to look at YouTube, uh, and I was like, well that's weird, I don't usually see Hank's face on the front page of YouTube. That's a little- OH MY GOD WE GOT FEATURED! Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, July 25th. Hank you're getting so many comments that there's no way you can respond to all of them. So, uh, I'm going to do it for you. Until my four minute deadline I'm going to read and answer as many YouTube comments as I can. Hank, I know you're wondering, you're wondering how am I gonna know, John, if it's you or if it's a YouTuber when you're reading? The answer is that when it's a YouTuber I'm not going to have green hair, and when it's me I am going to have green hair.
(YouTuber) LOL what a sexy geek!
Actually he's a sexy nerd, but that's a common mistake.
(YouTuber) It's assio not akio. No it's ahkio not akio. No it's not, dumbass, it's ashio not akio. No it's ahkio, no it's akio, no it's oshkosh b'gosh!
OK, once and for all it's assio stop bothering him!
(YouTuber) You guys look like the Proclaimers.
Really? Did the Proclaimers have green hair?
(YouTuber) Who ever made this is a nerd.
Yes, that's the idea. We're nerds.
(YouTuber) Funny but could you look any dorkier?
Yes he could look dorkier. He could have spotty green hair.
(YouTuber) Why are dogs scared of vacuums but not of peanut butter faces?
That's a really good question. Maybe it's because vacuums are scary whereas peanut butter faces are made of awesome.
Nigeliscool657 writes: get a life, nerd.
Your screen name is Nigeliscool657, did 656 people before you have the screen name Nigeliscool? Furthermore to best of my knowledge no one in human history who is cool has ever had the screen name blank is cool ergo you are a Nerdfighter, sorry, live with it. It's a good thing.
(YouTuber) What's a Nerdfighter?
A Nerdfigher is like a regular person except instead of being composed out of, like, tissues and cells and organs, they're made out of awesome. Nerdfighters do stuff like hang out at the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants and uh, (image of pillow) embroider pillows. Hank look at those embroidered pillows! They even put my pants on them!
(YouTuber) This was so jokes. You have real skills.
Uh, this isn't really a response to that comment, but wouldn't it be great if instead of saying cool we always said jokes? Yeah, we just got featured on the front page of YouTube, it was pretty jokes. Man, the mountain goats are so jokes. Hey is it hot outside? No, it's pretty jokes.
(YouTuber) Umm, can you say obsession? Oh right, that's what you are. Cough cough. Get a life.
Uh, when you say cough cough get a life do you mean cough get a life cough? Because (coughs) get a life isn't funny, but (cough)get a life(cough) that's funny.
Pisstaker writes: Geek.
Your screen name is Pisstaker and you called Hank a geek? Um, I have a couple problems with the screen name Pisstaker. The big one is this: who isn't a piss taker? Like, how does being a piss taker set you apart from the crowd?
Kush45 writes: Got anything better to do? Like make some money? Get a job? Harry Potter doesn't care about you cuz he's not real.
Harry Potter isn't real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don't know who you are or what your name is or where you're from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter's real and you're not.
Rustyjusty123 asks: can I put your face on the MySpace?
I've heard a lot about the MySpace and I think it would be fine if you put Hank's picture on the MySpace.
(YouTuber) Wow, he's 27. He looks like my little brother. My little brother's ten.
He looks like my little brother too, and I think he's awesome!
So that's all the questions I can get through. Hank congratulations. I don't even know how to celebrate I'm so happy. I think I'm gonna put silly string in my hair and then do my happy dance. (sprays) The Yeti is going to be really mad when she gets home and sees the carpet! Happy dance time! (dances) YES! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(YouTuber) LOL what a sexy geek!
Actually he's a sexy nerd, but that's a common mistake.
(YouTuber) It's assio not akio. No it's ahkio not akio. No it's not, dumbass, it's ashio not akio. No it's ahkio, no it's akio, no it's oshkosh b'gosh!
OK, once and for all it's assio stop bothering him!
(YouTuber) You guys look like the Proclaimers.
Really? Did the Proclaimers have green hair?
(YouTuber) Who ever made this is a nerd.
Yes, that's the idea. We're nerds.
(YouTuber) Funny but could you look any dorkier?
Yes he could look dorkier. He could have spotty green hair.
(YouTuber) Why are dogs scared of vacuums but not of peanut butter faces?
That's a really good question. Maybe it's because vacuums are scary whereas peanut butter faces are made of awesome.
Nigeliscool657 writes: get a life, nerd.
Your screen name is Nigeliscool657, did 656 people before you have the screen name Nigeliscool? Furthermore to best of my knowledge no one in human history who is cool has ever had the screen name blank is cool ergo you are a Nerdfighter, sorry, live with it. It's a good thing.
(YouTuber) What's a Nerdfighter?
A Nerdfigher is like a regular person except instead of being composed out of, like, tissues and cells and organs, they're made out of awesome. Nerdfighters do stuff like hang out at the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants and uh, (image of pillow) embroider pillows. Hank look at those embroidered pillows! They even put my pants on them!
(YouTuber) This was so jokes. You have real skills.
Uh, this isn't really a response to that comment, but wouldn't it be great if instead of saying cool we always said jokes? Yeah, we just got featured on the front page of YouTube, it was pretty jokes. Man, the mountain goats are so jokes. Hey is it hot outside? No, it's pretty jokes.
(YouTuber) Umm, can you say obsession? Oh right, that's what you are. Cough cough. Get a life.
Uh, when you say cough cough get a life do you mean cough get a life cough? Because (coughs) get a life isn't funny, but (cough)get a life(cough) that's funny.
Pisstaker writes: Geek.
Your screen name is Pisstaker and you called Hank a geek? Um, I have a couple problems with the screen name Pisstaker. The big one is this: who isn't a piss taker? Like, how does being a piss taker set you apart from the crowd?
Kush45 writes: Got anything better to do? Like make some money? Get a job? Harry Potter doesn't care about you cuz he's not real.
Harry Potter isn't real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don't know who you are or what your name is or where you're from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter's real and you're not.
Rustyjusty123 asks: can I put your face on the MySpace?
I've heard a lot about the MySpace and I think it would be fine if you put Hank's picture on the MySpace.
(YouTuber) Wow, he's 27. He looks like my little brother. My little brother's ten.
He looks like my little brother too, and I think he's awesome!
So that's all the questions I can get through. Hank congratulations. I don't even know how to celebrate I'm so happy. I think I'm gonna put silly string in my hair and then do my happy dance. (sprays) The Yeti is going to be really mad when she gets home and sees the carpet! Happy dance time! (dances) YES! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
July 24: More Harry Potter?!
Good morning John, it's Tuesday July 24th. There hasn't been very much interesting happening in my life for the last three days because almost every hour of it has been taken up either sleeping or reading Harry Potter. I didn't know when the book was gonna come in the mail. The UPS guy got there at like nine o'clock in the morning which was pretty vital. Because it was important to have as much reading time as possible that day. Katherine opened the box and then I took the book out of the box, and then there was a long silence in which I held the book tightly and Katherine looked directly into my eyes. I thought it might turn ugly. But in the end we found a solution. We decided to read it together so as to avoid that particular conflict.
It may not have been the most efficient way to read Harry Potter, in fact it took a strangely long amount of time for a Harry Potter book. But we finished and it was amazing. And it was really kinda nice to be able to share that with Katherine. The whole experience of it. As sappy as that sounds.
I've written a letter.
Dear Nerdfighters who do not care about Harry Potter,
I'm sorry. I'm going to keep talking about Harry Potter now.
You know there's a solution of the problem of not caring about Harry Potter. Read Harry Potter. And then you'll be part of the club. And you won't find it annoying when I talk about Harry Potter for an entire video. Again.
(image of bag) Oh my gosh, look! It's a canvas sewn Nerdfighter bag!
John when the New York Times contacted you about you being one of a bunch of people that they ask a question to about Harry Potter I think that they expected a perspective of a young adult writer. So when you passed them my name, I'm not sure what they expected to get. But in any case, I am kind of contributing to the New York Times! 200 words on why I think Harry Potter is so special. And really, that's a very good question. It would have been easy for the Harry Potter books to be just, you know, another kids' book fantasy adventure. But it is not just another kids' book fantasy adventure. There's something very different going on here. This is like the biggest thing that's ever happened in publishing since, like, The Bible. I very much enjoyed attempting to answer that question.
In the spirit of being a kind of sort of New York Times contributer, I would like to invite the Nerdfighters into My Pants to come and give their opinion on why they think that Harry Potter is such a gigantic phenomenon. Additionally I would like to suggest that we make this a tradition. Tuesdays are question days. Every Tuesday one of us asks a question of the Nerdfighters. Like, if you were a crayon what color would you most like to make out with? You guys can go ahead and answer that one too.
John, I'm sorry that your innards are all tickly. I really wish you had bought that Mountain Dew sign. It was amazing. But I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon and I'll see you and hopefully your green hair, tomorrow.
It may not have been the most efficient way to read Harry Potter, in fact it took a strangely long amount of time for a Harry Potter book. But we finished and it was amazing. And it was really kinda nice to be able to share that with Katherine. The whole experience of it. As sappy as that sounds.
I've written a letter.
Dear Nerdfighters who do not care about Harry Potter,
I'm sorry. I'm going to keep talking about Harry Potter now.
You know there's a solution of the problem of not caring about Harry Potter. Read Harry Potter. And then you'll be part of the club. And you won't find it annoying when I talk about Harry Potter for an entire video. Again.
(image of bag) Oh my gosh, look! It's a canvas sewn Nerdfighter bag!
John when the New York Times contacted you about you being one of a bunch of people that they ask a question to about Harry Potter I think that they expected a perspective of a young adult writer. So when you passed them my name, I'm not sure what they expected to get. But in any case, I am kind of contributing to the New York Times! 200 words on why I think Harry Potter is so special. And really, that's a very good question. It would have been easy for the Harry Potter books to be just, you know, another kids' book fantasy adventure. But it is not just another kids' book fantasy adventure. There's something very different going on here. This is like the biggest thing that's ever happened in publishing since, like, The Bible. I very much enjoyed attempting to answer that question.
In the spirit of being a kind of sort of New York Times contributer, I would like to invite the Nerdfighters into My Pants to come and give their opinion on why they think that Harry Potter is such a gigantic phenomenon. Additionally I would like to suggest that we make this a tradition. Tuesdays are question days. Every Tuesday one of us asks a question of the Nerdfighters. Like, if you were a crayon what color would you most like to make out with? You guys can go ahead and answer that one too.
John, I'm sorry that your innards are all tickly. I really wish you had bought that Mountain Dew sign. It was amazing. But I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon and I'll see you and hopefully your green hair, tomorrow.
July 23rd: The Tickling of the Innards
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, July 23rd and today we're going to learn how many Q-tips we can put in an ear. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Six Q-tips fit in one ear! (whispers) Are the new viewers gone yet? Hank you may be wondering why I'm lying in bed looking a little feverish. It's because I am a little feverish. This weekend the Yeti and I went to the Sandwich Antique Fair, which is located in Sandwich, Illinois. And we got a lot of stuff for the new house, like for instance we got a dining room table. (shot of old TV) And we got this weird TV from the 1960s that looks kind of like a diver's helmet.
But it's not just antiques you can get at the Sandwich Antiques Fair, you can also get upper respiratory infections with fever and achy-ness. So that's nice.
(shot of sign with It'll tickle yore innards on it) We could have gotten this good lookin Mountain Dew sign but it was too expensive. I do kind of feel like my innards are being tickled, but not in a good way. The one thing we couldn't find in Sandwich, Illinois? And this was a bit of a surprise to me, a sandwich. All I wanted was sliced turkey on white bread. Was that too much to ask, Sandwich, Illinois?
(coughs) Jeez Hank, it just occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have made this video. Maybe my flu is transmittable via video blog. That would suck. I don't wanna make you sick. But the marriage to Brotherhood 2.0 is kind of an sickness and health, richer poorer, til 2008 do us part kind of thing. So, I'll see you tomorrow.
But it's not just antiques you can get at the Sandwich Antiques Fair, you can also get upper respiratory infections with fever and achy-ness. So that's nice.
(shot of sign with It'll tickle yore innards on it) We could have gotten this good lookin Mountain Dew sign but it was too expensive. I do kind of feel like my innards are being tickled, but not in a good way. The one thing we couldn't find in Sandwich, Illinois? And this was a bit of a surprise to me, a sandwich. All I wanted was sliced turkey on white bread. Was that too much to ask, Sandwich, Illinois?
(coughs) Jeez Hank, it just occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have made this video. Maybe my flu is transmittable via video blog. That would suck. I don't wanna make you sick. But the marriage to Brotherhood 2.0 is kind of an sickness and health, richer poorer, til 2008 do us part kind of thing. So, I'll see you tomorrow.
July 20: Green Mohawk
(has gelled mohawk) Good morning John, it's Friday, June 20th. And I have a mohawk. A big fake mohawk. And I have some spray can paint! (sprays) Ow, my eyes are burning. What the hell? It's like, hair paint mixed with mace. (sprays) It's pretty green, huh? OK, now, for real: Punishment complete. I dressed up like a freaking Goth and then I spray painted a faux hawk green.
I got- I've got all of Muggle kind under your spell.
Now that my punishment is complete, on to more important business. The most important business for the day, I think, has to do with the fact that my chair will, in fact, spin on its own at a certain speed as long as I am sitting on it. And I think that maybe I might have discovered some kind of perpetual motion machine, and I should probably be seeking some kind of patent. What is this? Like, the weight of my body on my chair makes it spin.
OK, actually the most important piece of business for the day is that people liked my Harry Potter song a lot. The truth of the matter is that I like it a lot too. I actually find myself singing it quite a lot, which feels kind of funny. I also, sometimes, sing it in different styles.
(sings country) I'm gettin' kinda tired of this
prepublication media blitz.I got- I've got all of Muggle kind under your spell.
(raps) Don't you know the whole world's already gone
and reserved a copy at Amazon?(nerdy singing) How many more books do they expect to sell?
(Hard rock) Just give me my book or go to hell!
(spoken) Just, in general, ah, yeah I- I- I like the song quite a bit as well. Uh, can't take all the credit. Katherine helped me write it. We sat on the porch and I played, and I'd be like, God, nothing in the world rhymes with bell! And Katherine'd be like, um, spell is a good word for a song about Harry Potter. And I'd be like, yeah, spell. So a bit of a group effort. Also, Lizzy from the Leaky Cauldron, who helped to spread the word about the video. And everyone who rated the video high! That's amazing! And everyone who favorited it, that's also amazing. I right now have the number five top rated song on YouTube, which is kind of like a dream come true.
I have a small understanding of what it would be like to be a small time rock star. That is how I'm feeling right now. Which is sort of an amazing feeling. But it could be better, so please, everyone do what you will with this song. It's only kind of good until tomorrow WHEN THE BOOK COMES OUT! So you know, it probably be good to get as many people listening to it as possible in, uh, the next twelve hours.
Please, do what you can to avoid spoilers! They've been popping up all over the place, and we're doing our best to prevent them from being anywhere near Brotherhood 2.0 but we can't watch everything all at once. So just close you're eyes as fast as you can whenever you see anything about Harry Potter. I put a link to an mp3 of the file, uh, below (points) right there, if you're on Brotherhood2.com. Otherwise you can go to Brotherhood2.com and it will be there.
I am really glad that everyone liked it so much. It's really good to have people saying such nice things they may change their mind now that they see my green mohawk, but none the less, um, thank you all very much. By this time tomorrow those of us who care will have copies of Deathly Hallows, and I won't expect to be hearing from any of you, ah, but John I will see you on Monday.
Monday, November 8
July 19: A Day in the Life of a Writer (Who Has No Friends)
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, congratulations on your song yesterday. It was your best song ever.
Hank, a couple months ago I did a video that was about, like, a day in the life of a writer. And it was me, and Scott Westerfeld and Maureen Johnson, hanging out in a hotel room and writing. And that was really fun. So I thought I would do a follow up called A Day in the Life of a Writer, uh, Who Doesn't Have Any Friends. So now that I've moved to Indianapolis what happens every morning is that I get up and I sit down in this chair, or possibly outside, and the first thing that I do is, uh, I listen to, uh, your song.
(Accio Deathly Hallows plays) God that's a good song. So after I've listened to your song I spend about 30 minutes missing my old writing friends from New York. So I'll say to myself, I wonder what Scott and Jacine are doing today? They're probably having fun. Probably having a fancy lunch. Maureen's just gotten back from England, I bet she's having some fun. Probably writing a funny blog post. I wish they were here. It's kind of boring. This room echoes. Echo. Echo. I'm lonely lonely lonely lonely (mimics echo)!
Hank, after all of my warm up is over I proceed to do, uh, this: (types). And that goes on for about seven hours. The funny thing about writing is that whether you're doing it well or doing it poorly it looks the exact same. That's actually one of the main ways that writing is different from ballet dancing.
Today I've been working on a part of my new novel that's about a hundred and fifty pages in, but I thought just for fun, I might read you the prologue, since people in My Pants have been spending so much time debating what my book is about, I thought maybe I would give them the slightest hint.
The way I figure it, everyone gets a miracle. Like, I will probably never be struck by lightning, or become the dictator of a small nation in the Pacific islands, or contract terminal ear canal cancer, or spontaneously combust. But if you consider all the unlikely things together, at least one of them will probably happen to each of us. Admittedly the world contains a lot of people. But it also contains a lot of unlikelihoods. I could have seen it rain frogs in my home town. I could have stepped foot on Mars. I could have been eaten by an Orca. I could have married the Queen of England, or survived months at sea. But my miracle was different. My miracle was Margo.
Hank I'll see you tomorrow, and since I won't have a chance to speak to you again until you're finished with Harry Potter, I just wanted to say I hope it lives up to your every expectation. I mean if the book is as good as the song you wrote, then it's gonna be one heck of a book.
Hank, a couple months ago I did a video that was about, like, a day in the life of a writer. And it was me, and Scott Westerfeld and Maureen Johnson, hanging out in a hotel room and writing. And that was really fun. So I thought I would do a follow up called A Day in the Life of a Writer, uh, Who Doesn't Have Any Friends. So now that I've moved to Indianapolis what happens every morning is that I get up and I sit down in this chair, or possibly outside, and the first thing that I do is, uh, I listen to, uh, your song.
(Accio Deathly Hallows plays) God that's a good song. So after I've listened to your song I spend about 30 minutes missing my old writing friends from New York. So I'll say to myself, I wonder what Scott and Jacine are doing today? They're probably having fun. Probably having a fancy lunch. Maureen's just gotten back from England, I bet she's having some fun. Probably writing a funny blog post. I wish they were here. It's kind of boring. This room echoes. Echo. Echo. I'm lonely lonely lonely lonely (mimics echo)!
Hank, after all of my warm up is over I proceed to do, uh, this: (types). And that goes on for about seven hours. The funny thing about writing is that whether you're doing it well or doing it poorly it looks the exact same. That's actually one of the main ways that writing is different from ballet dancing.
Today I've been working on a part of my new novel that's about a hundred and fifty pages in, but I thought just for fun, I might read you the prologue, since people in My Pants have been spending so much time debating what my book is about, I thought maybe I would give them the slightest hint.
The way I figure it, everyone gets a miracle. Like, I will probably never be struck by lightning, or become the dictator of a small nation in the Pacific islands, or contract terminal ear canal cancer, or spontaneously combust. But if you consider all the unlikely things together, at least one of them will probably happen to each of us. Admittedly the world contains a lot of people. But it also contains a lot of unlikelihoods. I could have seen it rain frogs in my home town. I could have stepped foot on Mars. I could have been eaten by an Orca. I could have married the Queen of England, or survived months at sea. But my miracle was different. My miracle was Margo.
Hank I'll see you tomorrow, and since I won't have a chance to speak to you again until you're finished with Harry Potter, I just wanted to say I hope it lives up to your every expectation. I mean if the book is as good as the song you wrote, then it's gonna be one heck of a book.
July 18: Accio Deathly Hallows (no spoilers)
Good morning John, it's Wednesday, July 18th. I'm gonna to have to wait until Friday to do the green hair thing because today is Wednesday, my Wednesday and so I must to do a song and this is a pretty long song and I have to fit it all in. It's about Harry Potter.
(sings) I'm gettin' kinda tired of this
prepublication media blitz.
You've got all of Muggle kind under your spell.
Don't you know the whole world's already gone
and reserved a copy at Amazon?
How many more books could you sell?
Now give me my book or go to hell.
Cause I need Harry Potter
Like a grindylow needs water.
And as Saturday approaches my need grows!
Oh Accio Deathly Hallows,
Incendio Book Sales Embargoes,
It'll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose.
Yeah Accio Deathly Hallows.
Accio Deathly Hallows!
I'm getting kinda petrified.
What would Ron do if Hermione died,
or if Voldemort killed Hedwig just for yucks?
I have no confidence
in theories about the Half-Blood Prince.
And what if Harry's brain is a horcrux?
Oh, holy crap that would freakin suck.
Cause I need Harry Potter
Like a grindylow needs water.
And as Saturday approaches my need grows!
Accio Deathly Hallows,
Incendio Book Sales Embargoes,
It'll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose.
Woah Accio Deathly Hallows.
Whatever's up the sleve of J.K. Rowling
I bet it has to do with Snape Unbreakably Vowing
to protect that pure-blood puss-faced Malfoy.
But in the end, I don't think it's gonna matter
if Snape's good, or if he's bad
Because the weight of the world rests on our boy.
Yeah the weight of the world rests on our boy!
Cause we need Harry Potter
Like a grindylow needs water.
And as Saturday approaches our need grows!
Oh Accio Deathly Hallows,
Incendio Book Sales Embargoes,
It'll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose.
Yeah Accio Deathly Hallows.
Oh Accio Deathly Hallows.
But mostly I'm just feelin' sad
I know this could end real bad
(sings) I'm gettin' kinda tired of this
prepublication media blitz.
You've got all of Muggle kind under your spell.
Don't you know the whole world's already gone
and reserved a copy at Amazon?
How many more books could you sell?
Now give me my book or go to hell.
Cause I need Harry Potter
Like a grindylow needs water.
And as Saturday approaches my need grows!
Oh Accio Deathly Hallows,
Incendio Book Sales Embargoes,
It'll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose.
Yeah Accio Deathly Hallows.
Accio Deathly Hallows!
I'm getting kinda petrified.
What would Ron do if Hermione died,
or if Voldemort killed Hedwig just for yucks?
I have no confidence
in theories about the Half-Blood Prince.
And what if Harry's brain is a horcrux?
Oh, holy crap that would freakin suck.
Cause I need Harry Potter
Like a grindylow needs water.
And as Saturday approaches my need grows!
Accio Deathly Hallows,
Incendio Book Sales Embargoes,
It'll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose.
Woah Accio Deathly Hallows.
Whatever's up the sleve of J.K. Rowling
I bet it has to do with Snape Unbreakably Vowing
to protect that pure-blood puss-faced Malfoy.
But in the end, I don't think it's gonna matter
if Snape's good, or if he's bad
Because the weight of the world rests on our boy.
Yeah the weight of the world rests on our boy!
Cause we need Harry Potter
Like a grindylow needs water.
And as Saturday approaches our need grows!
Oh Accio Deathly Hallows,
Incendio Book Sales Embargoes,
It'll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose.
Yeah Accio Deathly Hallows.
Oh Accio Deathly Hallows.
But mostly I'm just feelin' sad
I know this could end real bad
but I wish it didn't have to end at all.
Yeah, I wish it didn't have to end at all.
Cause I couldn't care more about Harry Potter
If Hogwarts was my Alma Mater.
Yeah, I wish it didn't have to end at all.
Cause I couldn't care more about Harry Potter
If Hogwarts was my Alma Mater.
And as Saturday approaches my need grows!
Yeah, Accio Deathly Hallows,
Incendio Book Sales Embargoes,
It'll feel like phoenix tears on a broken nose.
Yeah Accio Deathly Hallows.
Oh Accio Deathly Hallows.
Yeah, Accio Deathly Hallows,
Incendio Book Sales Embargoes,
It'll feel like phoenix tears on a broken nose.
Yeah Accio Deathly Hallows.
Oh Accio Deathly Hallows.
Accio Deathly Hallows.
Accio Deathly Hallows.
Oh, Accio Deathly Hallows.
(spoken) John, I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: July 17: Topless Dancer
Good morning Hank it's Tuesday, July 17th, the day of my punishment. Hank in your punishment video, by the way pretty hilarious, you said that you didn't know where to get green hair dye that you can spray on. I didn't know where to get green spray on hair dye either, but fortunately Indianapolis has something called 86th Street. 86th Street is like a normal street except it contains all possible commercial entities. So this morning I got up, I got on 86th Street, I went to the Walgreens, I went to the Salvation Army, I went to the Goodwill, and I went to the party story. I got green spray on hair dye but I think that that's gonna have to actually wait until Thursday, since you didn't do yours yet.
I have really really really really big pants look Hank. (sticks arms down pants up to mid arm) They're huge! And I got a belt for my really really huge pants. I think it's a girl belt, but I don't think it matters, I mean, you just wore lipstick.
Now since my punishment is to recreate a mix of two pictures. First this picture: Oh boy. And secondly this picture, I've also had to find some medals. Hank I have three medals: First my Alabama Library Association author award. Second the medal I got for being an Audie Award finalist. And third a medal I created myself using an Ethernet cable and a button that a Nerdfighter gave me that says ask me how you can join the Evil Baby Orphanage. Oh, and also I got a bow-tie.
Alright Hank, let's do it! (dances) I know what you're wondering Hank, you're wondering first why is your chest making noise and second where did all the medals go? (Taps chest, which clinks) OK, OK, I gotta get psyched up. Oh! I forgot about the glasses! I can't very well recreate this picture without the glasses! (has giant ones on) Do you like these? No. These make me look like the bastard child of Harry Potter and Harry Caray. Fortunately I have these (new glasses) unfortunately I can't see anything out of them! Where are you?
We're gonna do it this time. (Music, dancing, slowly takes of shirt) Really Hank, is this a punishment for me or the audience? (Does pose) Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) I'm dancing, I'm dancing, I can't see anything, I'm dancing, I'm dancing, and (poses and falls) OK! I'm OK! Nothin's broke.
I have really really really really big pants look Hank. (sticks arms down pants up to mid arm) They're huge! And I got a belt for my really really huge pants. I think it's a girl belt, but I don't think it matters, I mean, you just wore lipstick.
Now since my punishment is to recreate a mix of two pictures. First this picture: Oh boy. And secondly this picture, I've also had to find some medals. Hank I have three medals: First my Alabama Library Association author award. Second the medal I got for being an Audie Award finalist. And third a medal I created myself using an Ethernet cable and a button that a Nerdfighter gave me that says ask me how you can join the Evil Baby Orphanage. Oh, and also I got a bow-tie.
Alright Hank, let's do it! (dances) I know what you're wondering Hank, you're wondering first why is your chest making noise and second where did all the medals go? (Taps chest, which clinks) OK, OK, I gotta get psyched up. Oh! I forgot about the glasses! I can't very well recreate this picture without the glasses! (has giant ones on) Do you like these? No. These make me look like the bastard child of Harry Potter and Harry Caray. Fortunately I have these (new glasses) unfortunately I can't see anything out of them! Where are you?
We're gonna do it this time. (Music, dancing, slowly takes of shirt) Really Hank, is this a punishment for me or the audience? (Does pose) Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) I'm dancing, I'm dancing, I can't see anything, I'm dancing, I'm dancing, and (poses and falls) OK! I'm OK! Nothin's broke.
July 16: Goth
Good morning John, it's Monday, July 16th (holds up Goth picture). OK, I need to recreate this photograph so first thing's first: I need to shave. Different chins. Very different chins. (Fully shaved) That's better. I can't find any eyeliner or lipstick, especially no lipstick that color, so I think I'm gonna have to go out and try and find some. Though I'm not entirely sure where one buys lipstick.
I have good news. I found eyeliner and lipstick in Katherine's little bag, and hopefully she won't mind me using them. But she's not here to ask. But I don't want to wait until she gets home to do this. Is that similar colors there? Hmm, it's about the same color. Uh, it is so strange how difficult this is. I feel really weird. A-About this. (Eurythmics Sweet Dreams plays as he applies lipstick) Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Hank, that's not nearly dark enough (adds eyeliner as lip liner) (Applies eyeliner) My goodness do I look funny! We must now continue to recreate this photograph. Now for the final pose we're going to have to move the camera, so here goes nothing.
(lights lighter) So here I am in the basement. Umm, it's dark, it feels kind of Gothy. Not really Gothic. At all, but Gothy. There's definitely a flash when this picture was taken so, um, I'm not sure how I'm gonna recreate that effect, but we'll figure it out.
(Adjusting hair with bright light on) And there- that way. My right hand is out and limp. (does pose, cuts back and forth to photo) Success! (Beatboxes) I think that I should take some time to reflect about what I've done today. And how it's made me feel. Mostly it's strange how weird it was to actually be doing the lipstick thing because that was like, this is a girl thing. I can't do the girl thing I'm a boy. Then the eyeliner after getting over the whole, like, poking myself in the face thing, uh was fun. I liked kinda- I kinda liked doing that. I sang a little bit. John I will see you in your extremely embarrassing picture tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (applying eyeliner and whistling)
(sings) just doin my make up here on the floor in the living room.
Hope the mail lady doesn't come by,
cause she'll see me doin my make up.
And she'll think I'm a pretty weird guy.
(spoken) I am a pretty weird guy.
(in basement) (sings and dances) My Hump, my hump my hump my hump!
I have good news. I found eyeliner and lipstick in Katherine's little bag, and hopefully she won't mind me using them. But she's not here to ask. But I don't want to wait until she gets home to do this. Is that similar colors there? Hmm, it's about the same color. Uh, it is so strange how difficult this is. I feel really weird. A-About this. (Eurythmics Sweet Dreams plays as he applies lipstick) Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Hank, that's not nearly dark enough (adds eyeliner as lip liner) (Applies eyeliner) My goodness do I look funny! We must now continue to recreate this photograph. Now for the final pose we're going to have to move the camera, so here goes nothing.
(lights lighter) So here I am in the basement. Umm, it's dark, it feels kind of Gothy. Not really Gothic. At all, but Gothy. There's definitely a flash when this picture was taken so, um, I'm not sure how I'm gonna recreate that effect, but we'll figure it out.
(Adjusting hair with bright light on) And there- that way. My right hand is out and limp. (does pose, cuts back and forth to photo) Success! (Beatboxes) I think that I should take some time to reflect about what I've done today. And how it's made me feel. Mostly it's strange how weird it was to actually be doing the lipstick thing because that was like, this is a girl thing. I can't do the girl thing I'm a boy. Then the eyeliner after getting over the whole, like, poking myself in the face thing, uh was fun. I liked kinda- I kinda liked doing that. I sang a little bit. John I will see you in your extremely embarrassing picture tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (applying eyeliner and whistling)
(sings) just doin my make up here on the floor in the living room.
Hope the mail lady doesn't come by,
cause she'll see me doin my make up.
And she'll think I'm a pretty weird guy.
(spoken) I am a pretty weird guy.
(in basement) (sings and dances) My Hump, my hump my hump my hump!
Brotherhood 2.0: July 13: Outside
Good morning Hank, it's Friday. Hank, that's the view outside of my back yard. The view that I am generally looking at while I'm writing. As you know I've never taken a lot of stock in nature. I mean, I'm in favor of the environment and everything, but my general policy is that we should protect it by keeping ourselves distant from it. I'm generally a big fan of inside. In fact I believe that the entire reason human beings created inside was so that we wouldn't have to deal with outside anymore. And I've always found it endlessly amusing that people choose to be outside. Camping, backpacking, when our ancestors when through all this trouble to make inside for our comfort and happiness. Going outside just seems dismissive to your ancestors. Let's face it Hank, Nanny and Papa worked hard all their lives so that we could live inside.
But ever since I moved to Indiana, I find my distaste for outside kind of beginning to want. In fact, Hank, I am so enamored with outside that I am now going to show you a nature-themed Nerdfighters photo. Remember Nerdfighters, SPF 30 or above. (photo of Nerdfighters written in sand) That's right baby, we may be pasty, but Nerdfighters can hang out at the beach. I mean I still don't like the occupants of outside. For instance I don't like mice, and I don't like moles. There's a family of raccoons that lives under our deck. I don't like the raccoons. But I am starting to enjoy working outside. Although it's a screened in porch, so it's only kind of half outside. In fact Hank, maybe screened in is the exact right amount of outside. It occurs to me that I could probably hike the Appalachian trail as long as I had a screened in enclosure around me at all times.
Hank I'm looking forward to doing my punishment on Tuesday. I've already gotten some medals of some kind together, and this weekend I'm gonna get myself to the thrift store, get me some big baggy pants, maybe one of those old belts like I used to have, some green hairspray. Oh, speaking of the green hairspray: obviously I don't want you to just spray paint a green mohawk into your head. I want you to spray paint a green mohawk into your head and recreate the Goth picture.
OK Hank, I'm gonna go back inside and continue my attempt to find the perfect song to dance to during my punishment. I mean obviously if you're gonna be a shirtless surprisingly fat guy recreating the look of a shirtless amazingly skinny guy, you need a great song. Incidentally anyone with suggestions for that song is welcome to share them with me. Hank, I'll see you on Monday.
But ever since I moved to Indiana, I find my distaste for outside kind of beginning to want. In fact, Hank, I am so enamored with outside that I am now going to show you a nature-themed Nerdfighters photo. Remember Nerdfighters, SPF 30 or above. (photo of Nerdfighters written in sand) That's right baby, we may be pasty, but Nerdfighters can hang out at the beach. I mean I still don't like the occupants of outside. For instance I don't like mice, and I don't like moles. There's a family of raccoons that lives under our deck. I don't like the raccoons. But I am starting to enjoy working outside. Although it's a screened in porch, so it's only kind of half outside. In fact Hank, maybe screened in is the exact right amount of outside. It occurs to me that I could probably hike the Appalachian trail as long as I had a screened in enclosure around me at all times.
Hank I'm looking forward to doing my punishment on Tuesday. I've already gotten some medals of some kind together, and this weekend I'm gonna get myself to the thrift store, get me some big baggy pants, maybe one of those old belts like I used to have, some green hairspray. Oh, speaking of the green hairspray: obviously I don't want you to just spray paint a green mohawk into your head. I want you to spray paint a green mohawk into your head and recreate the Goth picture.
OK Hank, I'm gonna go back inside and continue my attempt to find the perfect song to dance to during my punishment. I mean obviously if you're gonna be a shirtless surprisingly fat guy recreating the look of a shirtless amazingly skinny guy, you need a great song. Incidentally anyone with suggestions for that song is welcome to share them with me. Hank, I'll see you on Monday.
Sunday, November 7
July 12: Pizza, Punishments and Potter
(image of salad) Oooh, aaah. Good morning John, it's Thursday, July 12th. I'm in a pizza restaurant. Pretty much completely alone, except for Katherine. Who's here because she just got back from her work trip and I'm really glad to see her. And I would like to spend all of my time with her, but I can't because I have to make a video. So instead I'm making a video while I'm spending time with her at a pizza restaurant. This is definitely the deliciousest pizza restaurant in Missoula. Deliciousest. Wooo my pizza. They make pretty good money here. Good news is that we're the only people here because it's like, 2:30. Not really time for lunch. Except for the cooks and wait staff. But they kind of, um, work for me? Because I'm paying them money to do stuff? So they're aloud to be discouraged by my video taping.
(pizza) Mmm. Pizza. I still don't know what you want me to do for my punishment exactly, so I'm not gonna do it today. But you need to clear that up on Friday so that I can be sure that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not still punished after I finish my punishment. I like the green hair idea with the spray paint, but I don't think that that's suitably, uh, punishment. Cause, especially if it just washes out after a day. So, yeah, I think that it's a good challenge, a good fun time thing to do, but not necessarily uh- a punishment.
(Wal*Mart badges with Nerdfighters on them) Wow, I sure can't argue with Wal*Mart Nerdfighters.
(One slice) This is how much pizza is left. That is Katherine's piece, so I can't eat it. I- I would like to eat it. But we split it in half and that is not my piece. (reaches for it) Not. (Katherine smacks his hand away.
So guess what Katherine and I are about to go do? We're going to see Harry Potter! At the five o'clock matinee showing because that is the only time we go to see movies any more. Now, even in Missoula, a movie costs 8 dollars and 50 cents. Never ever go without a soda in your pocket because the sodas are like seven dollars for the little one. I'm getting very excited for all this Harry Potter madness. I'm having a hard time holding in my excitement for the book, which I think comes out in 12 days? 13 days? It's very soon. I hope that I don't have to do a video on that day because I won't be able to cause I will be reading Harry Potter.
But I just wanted to say that I think that a good challenge is just to wear out Nerdfighter shirts in public. Because people always look at me funny. And then sometimes they ask me but other times they just look at me and they kind of ask me with their eyes, plus then you get to, like, explain Brotherhood 2.0 to them. Maybe we should have business cards.
As for your punishment, people seem to be really excited about you doing that half naked dance with a golden bow-tie. Well, really, I mean, it's gonna be black and white so anything that looks like it could be a golden bow-tie. Just, put that on, and then you do that naked dance, for, you know, ten, fifteen seconds, maybe a little bit more than that, how bout 30 seconds? You don't have to show all of it, you can just pick the best parts, but I wanna see some good half naked dancing. I think that's what I wanna see you do for your punishments, me? Whatever you want, man.
OK, I'm almost home, so John I will see you tomorrow.
(pizza) Mmm. Pizza. I still don't know what you want me to do for my punishment exactly, so I'm not gonna do it today. But you need to clear that up on Friday so that I can be sure that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not still punished after I finish my punishment. I like the green hair idea with the spray paint, but I don't think that that's suitably, uh, punishment. Cause, especially if it just washes out after a day. So, yeah, I think that it's a good challenge, a good fun time thing to do, but not necessarily uh- a punishment.
(Wal*Mart badges with Nerdfighters on them) Wow, I sure can't argue with Wal*Mart Nerdfighters.
(One slice) This is how much pizza is left. That is Katherine's piece, so I can't eat it. I- I would like to eat it. But we split it in half and that is not my piece. (reaches for it) Not. (Katherine smacks his hand away.
So guess what Katherine and I are about to go do? We're going to see Harry Potter! At the five o'clock matinee showing because that is the only time we go to see movies any more. Now, even in Missoula, a movie costs 8 dollars and 50 cents. Never ever go without a soda in your pocket because the sodas are like seven dollars for the little one. I'm getting very excited for all this Harry Potter madness. I'm having a hard time holding in my excitement for the book, which I think comes out in 12 days? 13 days? It's very soon. I hope that I don't have to do a video on that day because I won't be able to cause I will be reading Harry Potter.
But I just wanted to say that I think that a good challenge is just to wear out Nerdfighter shirts in public. Because people always look at me funny. And then sometimes they ask me but other times they just look at me and they kind of ask me with their eyes, plus then you get to, like, explain Brotherhood 2.0 to them. Maybe we should have business cards.
As for your punishment, people seem to be really excited about you doing that half naked dance with a golden bow-tie. Well, really, I mean, it's gonna be black and white so anything that looks like it could be a golden bow-tie. Just, put that on, and then you do that naked dance, for, you know, ten, fifteen seconds, maybe a little bit more than that, how bout 30 seconds? You don't have to show all of it, you can just pick the best parts, but I wanna see some good half naked dancing. I think that's what I wanna see you do for your punishments, me? Whatever you want, man.
OK, I'm almost home, so John I will see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: Harry and the Potters are Nerdfighters!
(sit up) Good morning Hank. (sit up) It's Wednesday. (sit up) I'm getting my abs in shape (sit up) for my punishment. Also, welcome to my basement. What do you think?
Hank, the light in the basement isn't very good. Let's go outside. Is it bad that my abs kind of hurt after those four sit-ups? Ok, Hank, I have to make this video super fast because I gotta go out tonight, and also I have to get back to revising my new book.
By the way, Hank, I have decided that my new book is definitely going to be called Paper Towns unless I change my mind again. Do you like that title? I mean, I know it's not super commercial, but it is the perfect title for the actual book.
It's interesting that my puff levels generally are not very high, but then the puff level just right here in this area is extraordinarily high. (pets head) Puff. Puff. Puff.
Hank, I do have a small piece of bad news regarding my punishment: I seem to have thrown away all of my academic decathlon medals.
By the way, Hank, I have decided that my new book is definitely going to be called Paper Towns unless I change my mind again. Do you like that title? I mean, I know it's not super commercial, but it is the perfect title for the actual book.
It's interesting that my puff levels generally are not very high, but then the puff level just right here in this area is extraordinarily high. (pets head) Puff. Puff. Puff.
Hank, I do have a small piece of bad news regarding my punishment: I seem to have thrown away all of my academic decathlon medals.
(pictures) Hank, I know what you're wondering- you're wondering, 'Is that really Harry and the Potters doing the Nerdfighter hand thing? Hank, it is! That's some Nerdfighters with Harry and the Potters! Yay Harry and the Potters! They're like the number one Harry Potter band in the world!
Commenter Margaret said something about how my academic decathlon medals prove that I'm smart, but I'm afraid that that's not actually the case. The way academic decathlon works is that there are three tiers of students. You've got your A students, your B students and your C students. A students have GPAs of 3.75 and above, B students have GPAs above 3.0 and then C students have GPAs below 2.99. Basically, what those medals mean is that I was the third best C student in the state of Alabama, which is not quite the same thing as being smart.
Hey Hank, I'm wondering if we can add just one more thing to the punishment: the commenters in My Pants have been crazy about the idea that we're going to dye our hair green. I think that's a great idea, except that most green hair dyes last for about eight weeks, which is a little long if you're about to turn thirty years old. I mean, if I was twenty-six, twenty-seven, eight weeks of green hair, no problem. But when you're thirty, it just seems kinda sad. Fortunately there's that awesome spray-on green hair, pictured here. So Hank, here's my idea- you spray paint this part, the mohawk part, and then I'll spray paint all of these parts, the parts that aren't mohawk-y, and then between the two of us, we'll have a whole head of green hair.
Hank, I hope it's a nice day in Missoula. It's certainly beautiful here in Indianapolis. I'm going to go and enjoy the day now. I'll see you tomorrow.
Commenter Margaret said something about how my academic decathlon medals prove that I'm smart, but I'm afraid that that's not actually the case. The way academic decathlon works is that there are three tiers of students. You've got your A students, your B students and your C students. A students have GPAs of 3.75 and above, B students have GPAs above 3.0 and then C students have GPAs below 2.99. Basically, what those medals mean is that I was the third best C student in the state of Alabama, which is not quite the same thing as being smart.
Hey Hank, I'm wondering if we can add just one more thing to the punishment: the commenters in My Pants have been crazy about the idea that we're going to dye our hair green. I think that's a great idea, except that most green hair dyes last for about eight weeks, which is a little long if you're about to turn thirty years old. I mean, if I was twenty-six, twenty-seven, eight weeks of green hair, no problem. But when you're thirty, it just seems kinda sad. Fortunately there's that awesome spray-on green hair, pictured here. So Hank, here's my idea- you spray paint this part, the mohawk part, and then I'll spray paint all of these parts, the parts that aren't mohawk-y, and then between the two of us, we'll have a whole head of green hair.
Hank, I hope it's a nice day in Missoula. It's certainly beautiful here in Indianapolis. I'm going to go and enjoy the day now. I'll see you tomorrow.
July 10: Embarassing Photographs
Good morning John, it's Tuesday, July 10th. Ooooh the Goth picture. I knew the Goth picture was going to come back. And it's back! Hmmm. John since we made a simultaneous infraction, more or less, I've been thinking that it would be great to do a simultaneous punishment. Like a punishment that played off itself. Each of us does a similar punishment. Which is why I was excited about me getting a mohawk and you getting an inverse mohawk so together we would have one normal haircut. But I understand that the Yeti doesn't want a husband with an inverse mohawk. I understand that. For now. Watch out! Because it might happen. And I am in favor of it happening.
But since you've settled on my punishment already, I would have to make your punishment play off my punishment. And the only way I could do that is if I had a (shows three pictures) really embarrassing picture of you. Oh, I do! Apparently I have several really embarrassing pictures of you. How did that happen? Let's spend some time with each of these pictures. They seem to all be from high school, which makes a good parallel with my embarrassing picture because it is also from high school.
Now, it's pretty embarrassing that two of these see, to be from academic decathlon meets. Academic decathlon meets in which you had a maroon buzz cut. Wow. Additionally they're academic decathlon meets in which you seem to have done very well (ding sound with medal shine).
Another of them is just you, shirtless, in pants that are obviously falling off, doing what looks to be a version of your happy dance. Now I certainly wouldn't mind seeing you recreate that picture.
(Nerd Fighters Unite image) Nerdfighters!
Just make the video black and white, uh put on some really big pants, uh take off your shirt and do your happy dance. I really do want these punishments to match up so I'm just gonna take one of these academic decathlon pictures, I'm gonna match it with my embarrassing picture. So let's look at them as a whole. Here's my picture. It is very embarrassing. Here's your picture, it is very embarrassing.
Now, I think we should figure out what the most embarrassing part of each of these pictures is. And my picture I think we can agree that the most embarrassing part of the picture is my face. Because of all of my Goth make up. But in your picture, I think that we can agree that the most embarrassing part is your face. Because of your cute little face, and your cute gigantic glasses, and your amazing maroon buzz cut.
Now I think that we should discuss the most embarrassing non-facial part of each of these pictures. For me, I think it's my limp wrist. And for you I think I'm gonna go with your adorable shiny gold bow-tie.
And finally I think that we should discuss our left eyes. Here's mine, and here's yours. Wow.
So John, my punishment to you, unless you add something else on to mine, is to recreate one of those two pictures. Either the one with the golden bow-tie, or the one where you're doing that dance. And I'm only give you the option because I'm not entirely sure you're going to be able to find a golden bow-tie, and it's just not gonna work without the golden bow-tie. So hopefully by Friday I'm gonna see this guy, or possibly this guy, but I will see you tomorrow.
But since you've settled on my punishment already, I would have to make your punishment play off my punishment. And the only way I could do that is if I had a (shows three pictures) really embarrassing picture of you. Oh, I do! Apparently I have several really embarrassing pictures of you. How did that happen? Let's spend some time with each of these pictures. They seem to all be from high school, which makes a good parallel with my embarrassing picture because it is also from high school.
Now, it's pretty embarrassing that two of these see, to be from academic decathlon meets. Academic decathlon meets in which you had a maroon buzz cut. Wow. Additionally they're academic decathlon meets in which you seem to have done very well (ding sound with medal shine).
Another of them is just you, shirtless, in pants that are obviously falling off, doing what looks to be a version of your happy dance. Now I certainly wouldn't mind seeing you recreate that picture.
(Nerd Fighters Unite image) Nerdfighters!
Just make the video black and white, uh put on some really big pants, uh take off your shirt and do your happy dance. I really do want these punishments to match up so I'm just gonna take one of these academic decathlon pictures, I'm gonna match it with my embarrassing picture. So let's look at them as a whole. Here's my picture. It is very embarrassing. Here's your picture, it is very embarrassing.
Now, I think we should figure out what the most embarrassing part of each of these pictures is. And my picture I think we can agree that the most embarrassing part of the picture is my face. Because of all of my Goth make up. But in your picture, I think that we can agree that the most embarrassing part is your face. Because of your cute little face, and your cute gigantic glasses, and your amazing maroon buzz cut.
Now I think that we should discuss the most embarrassing non-facial part of each of these pictures. For me, I think it's my limp wrist. And for you I think I'm gonna go with your adorable shiny gold bow-tie.
And finally I think that we should discuss our left eyes. Here's mine, and here's yours. Wow.
So John, my punishment to you, unless you add something else on to mine, is to recreate one of those two pictures. Either the one with the golden bow-tie, or the one where you're doing that dance. And I'm only give you the option because I'm not entirely sure you're going to be able to find a golden bow-tie, and it's just not gonna work without the golden bow-tie. So hopefully by Friday I'm gonna see this guy, or possibly this guy, but I will see you tomorrow.
July 9: The Punishment Fiasco
Good morning Hank it's Monday, July 9th. Welcome to my guest bedroom. By the way for the last two weeks I've been giving you a tour of my house. Have you noticed? Hank over the last few days several commenters and also some people in My Pants have said that you and I, uh, textually communicated on purpose because we miss getting punished. Would that it were so. The fact of the matter is that we're just really stupid. I mean, I don't think you're that stupid, I think that you were probably doing six at once and just happened to textually communicate with me. I think that I'm stupid. I don't enjoy punishments, although I do enjoy you getting punished.
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
July 6: Ooooooops
(Camera spins) Good morning John, it's Friday, July 6th. (fireworks) If you have a chance always watch fireworks from slightly above. And that's why it's amazing to live in a town that's surrounded by mountains. Yay for American independence! It means that I'm on the even days, and I don't have to do a song next Wednesday. Not that I don't like going the songs. It's good for me. I agree, but it's hard. And I'm busy. (takes a bite) I'm so busy that I have to eat while I'm doing Brotherhood 2.0 because I don't have time to do Brotherhood 2.0 today. Because I'm going tubing today. Tubing is what we do in Missoula when it gets too hot. Instead of air conditioners, we just go and sit in the river. Which is actually extremely pleasant. Sittin on a river letting it take you where ever it wants to take you. That is probably my favorite part of the summer. Possibly my favorite part of the entire year. So when tubing season arrives, which is generally when the temperatures have three digits in them, I am so happy to be able to hop into the river.
(image of three people doing salute) Did you see what these three Nerdfighters did? When they said that they made a sign that said Nerdfighters in their driveway I was picturing, you know, a regular sized driveway. Turns out that they have a very very big driveway. In fact it's probably the driveway for about 300 different people who live in their apartment complex and they wrote Nerdfighters covering the entire driveway! We're takin about a Nerdfighter sign with every letter roughly ten feet tall. Also in their email to us they said that some policemen came by to harass them a little bit about their use of the Nerdfighter sign. But they stayed strong, and the convinced the police officers that Nerdfighters is indeed not a bad word, nor does it have anything to do with terrorism. And they were allowed to go free.
John, I'm a little bit confused about your decision to declare "email bankruptcy" when we go financially bankrupt that's a bad thing. Like a really bad thing. But you seemed really excited about going email bankrupt. In fact ever since you heard about the idea you were really into it. And I'm afraid that you should take it a little bit more seriously. Going email bankrupt is a really big deal. In fact I'm going to try and get you on iChat so we can talk about this face to face.
Beeraaaaaghhrraaahuuuuuhhhooooh. I just instant messaged you. But the silver lining is that you instant messaged me back.
John (on phone): To what do I owe the pleasure of your instant message for the first time in seven months? I'm so mad at you! I uh, shouldn't have said anything. I should have just walked away. And said nothing. But I said Dude you're so punished. Clearly textual communication. Why did I say that?
Hank (laughs): I don't know, John. I was trying to get you to notice that I was on videochat!
John we are very stupid. Nerdfighters? We're gonna need some punishment ideas, I'll see you on Monday.
(image of three people doing salute) Did you see what these three Nerdfighters did? When they said that they made a sign that said Nerdfighters in their driveway I was picturing, you know, a regular sized driveway. Turns out that they have a very very big driveway. In fact it's probably the driveway for about 300 different people who live in their apartment complex and they wrote Nerdfighters covering the entire driveway! We're takin about a Nerdfighter sign with every letter roughly ten feet tall. Also in their email to us they said that some policemen came by to harass them a little bit about their use of the Nerdfighter sign. But they stayed strong, and the convinced the police officers that Nerdfighters is indeed not a bad word, nor does it have anything to do with terrorism. And they were allowed to go free.
John, I'm a little bit confused about your decision to declare "email bankruptcy" when we go financially bankrupt that's a bad thing. Like a really bad thing. But you seemed really excited about going email bankrupt. In fact ever since you heard about the idea you were really into it. And I'm afraid that you should take it a little bit more seriously. Going email bankrupt is a really big deal. In fact I'm going to try and get you on iChat so we can talk about this face to face.
Beeraaaaaghhrraaahuuuuuhhhooooh. I just instant messaged you. But the silver lining is that you instant messaged me back.
John (on phone): To what do I owe the pleasure of your instant message for the first time in seven months? I'm so mad at you! I uh, shouldn't have said anything. I should have just walked away. And said nothing. But I said Dude you're so punished. Clearly textual communication. Why did I say that?
Hank (laughs): I don't know, John. I was trying to get you to notice that I was on videochat!
John we are very stupid. Nerdfighters? We're gonna need some punishment ideas, I'll see you on Monday.
July 5th: The Regions Bank Freedom Blast
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, July 5th. Hank, I don't know if you know this, but yesterday was America's big birthday, everybody was really excited about it, it was all over the news. And of course the way that we celebrate America's birthday is by pretending to have a war. Uh, if you don't think that we celebrate America's birthday is by pretending to have a war, listen to this (shot of explosions) That's me recording from a roof deck in downtown Indianapolis, Indiana. Hank, Indiana is one of those states where all fireworks are legal. Like, not just bottle rockets and the little things that spin and whippersnappers but also, uh, bombs.
Hank I've always believed that there's a very short list of people who should be able to own explosives. People who work in demolition, the Army, and- and of course Wiley Coyote. If you're not directly employed in the demolition business, or in the Armed Forces, or Wiley Coyote I cannot imagine a reason why you need to have a bomb! But the state of Indiana doesn't agree with me. They give rockets and bombs to pretty much anyone over the age of 18 who's able to convince a person at a fireworks stand that they aren't a terrorist.
Hank I will admit when I was younger fireworks used to make me feel patriotic, but now they just make me feel scared. (crouched) I mean look at me Hank, that was pretty much my posture for the entire evening. For God's sakes, there were bombs going off all around us and they were all being set off by drunk people. (shot of people) look at those guys! Those guys aren't demolition experts!
John (in video): That's coming at my head. OK, OK, OK, OK, I'm having some anxiety.
(image of goldfish spelling NerdFighters) Look Hank, goldfish Nerdfighters!
And then once the regular people were done firing off all of their fireworks, it was time for the government to fire off its fireworks. And Hank, here's where the evening got pretty fricken nuts. In Indianapolis there's a radio station, Q95 and if you tune to that radio station during the fireworks display they kind of play a soundtrack for the fireworks. It's like an officially sanctioned thing. The fireworks themselves are known as the Regions Bank Freedom Blast ha, I'm sorry, it's called the Freedom Blast, Hank, I mean, you can't make this crap up. And so the Freedom Blast has a soundtrack and fortunately the person that Sarah and I were with knew about this so we were able to listen to the soundtrack.
I hope you're ready to believe in America again, Hank, because what you're about to see and hear is going to change you. (fireworks with soundtrack) Wait, are they mashing up Neil Diamond with Martin Luther King? (fireworks with soundtrack) You aren't seriously mashing up Neil Diamond and Martin Luther King. (fireworks, and Martin Luther King can be heard with Neil Diamond) (John bangs head on table) Don't do that. You're embarrassing us! So Hank here's the long and short of it: last night we celebrated our independence by having a pretend war that was sponsored by a bank. Welcome to America. I'll see you tomorrow.
Hank I've always believed that there's a very short list of people who should be able to own explosives. People who work in demolition, the Army, and- and of course Wiley Coyote. If you're not directly employed in the demolition business, or in the Armed Forces, or Wiley Coyote I cannot imagine a reason why you need to have a bomb! But the state of Indiana doesn't agree with me. They give rockets and bombs to pretty much anyone over the age of 18 who's able to convince a person at a fireworks stand that they aren't a terrorist.
Hank I will admit when I was younger fireworks used to make me feel patriotic, but now they just make me feel scared. (crouched) I mean look at me Hank, that was pretty much my posture for the entire evening. For God's sakes, there were bombs going off all around us and they were all being set off by drunk people. (shot of people) look at those guys! Those guys aren't demolition experts!
John (in video): That's coming at my head. OK, OK, OK, OK, I'm having some anxiety.
(image of goldfish spelling NerdFighters) Look Hank, goldfish Nerdfighters!
And then once the regular people were done firing off all of their fireworks, it was time for the government to fire off its fireworks. And Hank, here's where the evening got pretty fricken nuts. In Indianapolis there's a radio station, Q95 and if you tune to that radio station during the fireworks display they kind of play a soundtrack for the fireworks. It's like an officially sanctioned thing. The fireworks themselves are known as the Regions Bank Freedom Blast ha, I'm sorry, it's called the Freedom Blast, Hank, I mean, you can't make this crap up. And so the Freedom Blast has a soundtrack and fortunately the person that Sarah and I were with knew about this so we were able to listen to the soundtrack.
I hope you're ready to believe in America again, Hank, because what you're about to see and hear is going to change you. (fireworks with soundtrack) Wait, are they mashing up Neil Diamond with Martin Luther King? (fireworks with soundtrack) You aren't seriously mashing up Neil Diamond and Martin Luther King. (fireworks, and Martin Luther King can be heard with Neil Diamond) (John bangs head on table) Don't do that. You're embarrassing us! So Hank here's the long and short of it: last night we celebrated our independence by having a pretend war that was sponsored by a bank. Welcome to America. I'll see you tomorrow.
July 3: Decepticons
Good morning John, it's Tuesday, July 3rd. How long am I gonna be on the odd days? I'm tried of the odd days. I'm out on the porch again. On a porch swing, so if I look like I'm constantly moving to you, it's because I'm constantly moving. Hopefully that's not gonna make anybody nauseous.
In reference to your new Nerdfighter scheme, I am just mostly very happy at the abilities of our current Nerdfighters. Because, damn, I couldn't actually keep up with the amazingness of the Nerdfighters. I would have Brotherhood 2.0 sponsor a new person at Kiva.org, and then by the time I was done and had gone away to, you know, urinate or something, I'd come back and it was already all the way funded. People are really excited about this idea, which I think that they should be.
However, you're right. There could be more Nerdfighters, and more Nerdfighters would be a good thing. I'm excited for all you new Senior Executive Nerdfighters, I'm sure we will have projects for you soon. And don't worry, if you've seen more than one episode of Brotherhood 2.0, you're not really a NiT any more, you're a Nerdfighter. We'd love it if you comment more, and I'd like to see you in My Pants, and rating our videos on YouTube, getting Nerdfighter tattooed across your face. Actually I seem to remember a point in time when people were sending us cool little Nerdfighter things that they were doing, like one person spelled Nerdfighter on their knuckles and send us a picture. One person made an Easter egg that said Nerdfighters on it. I would like to encourage people to do that more. Those made really good middle frames for the YouTube clip. Someone said they did sidewalk chalk Nerdfighters in their driveway. Adverstise yourself as a Nerdfighter. Do Nerdfighter stuff. Uh, mostly just with the word Nerdfighter. And send it to us, and it's extremely likely that it will be on the show.
I do have one other little bit of business to attend to. You do know what a Decipticon is, right? You know you didn't make up that word. Decepticons are transformers, the enemies of the Autobots. When you chose Decepticons as a name for a Nerdfighter's enemy, I initially thought that there must be some better team of super-villains to use as our enemies. But then I looked and I realized that super-villains don't come in teams. Super-villains almost always work alone with henchmen below them. And the Decepticons are kind of a gigantic exception to that rule. I kept thinking of different villains from cartoons of my childhood. Doctor Claw, Shredder, Mumm Ra, Skeletor, you know people like that (shows Reagan). But the Decepticons really are a team of super-villains and I think that's impressive. Frankly, as the enemies of Nerdfighters do operate in teams, they're not on their own. They don't have henchmen. I think Decepticons is, so far, a pretty good name for them. Anyhow, I will see you tomorrow.
In reference to your new Nerdfighter scheme, I am just mostly very happy at the abilities of our current Nerdfighters. Because, damn, I couldn't actually keep up with the amazingness of the Nerdfighters. I would have Brotherhood 2.0 sponsor a new person at Kiva.org, and then by the time I was done and had gone away to, you know, urinate or something, I'd come back and it was already all the way funded. People are really excited about this idea, which I think that they should be.
However, you're right. There could be more Nerdfighters, and more Nerdfighters would be a good thing. I'm excited for all you new Senior Executive Nerdfighters, I'm sure we will have projects for you soon. And don't worry, if you've seen more than one episode of Brotherhood 2.0, you're not really a NiT any more, you're a Nerdfighter. We'd love it if you comment more, and I'd like to see you in My Pants, and rating our videos on YouTube, getting Nerdfighter tattooed across your face. Actually I seem to remember a point in time when people were sending us cool little Nerdfighter things that they were doing, like one person spelled Nerdfighter on their knuckles and send us a picture. One person made an Easter egg that said Nerdfighters on it. I would like to encourage people to do that more. Those made really good middle frames for the YouTube clip. Someone said they did sidewalk chalk Nerdfighters in their driveway. Adverstise yourself as a Nerdfighter. Do Nerdfighter stuff. Uh, mostly just with the word Nerdfighter. And send it to us, and it's extremely likely that it will be on the show.
I do have one other little bit of business to attend to. You do know what a Decipticon is, right? You know you didn't make up that word. Decepticons are transformers, the enemies of the Autobots. When you chose Decepticons as a name for a Nerdfighter's enemy, I initially thought that there must be some better team of super-villains to use as our enemies. But then I looked and I realized that super-villains don't come in teams. Super-villains almost always work alone with henchmen below them. And the Decepticons are kind of a gigantic exception to that rule. I kept thinking of different villains from cartoons of my childhood. Doctor Claw, Shredder, Mumm Ra, Skeletor, you know people like that (shows Reagan). But the Decepticons really are a team of super-villains and I think that's impressive. Frankly, as the enemies of Nerdfighters do operate in teams, they're not on their own. They don't have henchmen. I think Decepticons is, so far, a pretty good name for them. Anyhow, I will see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: July 2nd: The Law of Compound Nerdfighting
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, July 2nd, the first day of the second half of Brotherhood 2.0. It's also coincidentally the second day of National Finish A Revision Of Your Book I Mean Seriously Come On Month, also known by its acronym, NAFAROYBIMSCOM. Incidentally, Hank, I still haven't settled on a title.
Hank, holy crap! You and me and the Nerdfighters raised many, many thousands of dollars for Kiva.org over the weekend. Hey Hank, do you remember in my video on Thursday when I said that we couldn't personally open a microfinance bank because it takes really wealthy people to open a microfinance bank, and so instead we would have to rely on Kiva.org?
It turns out that when I said that, I was forgetting about the law of compound Nerdfighting! The law of compound Nerdfighting is sort of similar to the law of compound interest which, Hank, I'm sure you remember from when Dad tried to tell us about it a million times when we were kids. As far as I can remember, the law of compound interest states that you have to put a little bit of money in the bank when you're a kid, and then by the time you're old, it's become a lot of money. And the reason for that is this very complex fiscal thing known as magic.
The law of compound Nerdfighting is similar in that it also involves magic. The law of compound Nerdfighting states that 100 Nerdfighters as a group can do things that 100 Nerdfighters as individuals could not do. (image of T-shirt) In this example seen in this t-shirt that you own, Hank, we see that 100 Nerdfighters together can beat up a popular kid. By the way, Hank, I've been thinking that maybe the opposite of Nerdfighter is Decepticon. Do you like it?
What I learned this weekend is that we actually probably could have started a microfinance bank if we'd only known about the law of compound Nerdfighting, because people were extremely generous. I mean, we have funded a lot of loans now, and over the course of next week, we're going to continue to fund loans. And we're going to fund loans like crazy! We're gonna help people open bakeries and shoe stores. The other day we helped a guy who wanted to start a lasso factory. A lasso factory? That's so awesome! How come I didn't think of that?
But there's only one problem, Hank. The Nerdfighters are probably getting kind of tapped out. What we need is more Nerdfighters. Hank, I never really craved more Nerdfighters until this weekend. I mean, there's plenty of people out there who are Nerdfighters who just don't know about the term yet. Hank, what we have is an acute Nerdfighter shortage! We gotta do something about this. Hank, I think broadly speaking, there are four kinds of people in the world. First, you have your Decepticons, you know, not Nerdfighters. Then you have your Nerdfighters, you know, me, you, Tobias, Otter, all the commenters, all the people who hang out in My Pants, all the people who write Nerdfighting songs, that kind of thing. Then you've got what I like to call your Nerdfighters-In-Training, or your NiTs. Your NiTs are your lurkers, your occasional viewers, that kind of thing. Then you've got people who would be Nerdfighters, but they don't even know what a Nerdfighter is yet. That's very troubling, Hank, because those are the people who could be giving to Kiva.org to pick up where the current Nerdfighters are having to leave off because they're out of money to lend.
So Hank, what I'm gonna propose is a series of mass promotions! First, we have to promote the Nerdfighters to being Senior Executive Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to promote the NiTs to being Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to take all the people who do not yet know that they are Nerdfighters, and we are gonna promote them to NiTs! Hank, we have to find a way to tell these people that they're NiTs. And then we have to tell them to loan money to Kiva.org because the law of compound Nerdfighting says it clearly, Hank, the more there are of us, the fewer there will be of them. I'll see you tomorrow.
Hank, holy crap! You and me and the Nerdfighters raised many, many thousands of dollars for Kiva.org over the weekend. Hey Hank, do you remember in my video on Thursday when I said that we couldn't personally open a microfinance bank because it takes really wealthy people to open a microfinance bank, and so instead we would have to rely on Kiva.org?
It turns out that when I said that, I was forgetting about the law of compound Nerdfighting! The law of compound Nerdfighting is sort of similar to the law of compound interest which, Hank, I'm sure you remember from when Dad tried to tell us about it a million times when we were kids. As far as I can remember, the law of compound interest states that you have to put a little bit of money in the bank when you're a kid, and then by the time you're old, it's become a lot of money. And the reason for that is this very complex fiscal thing known as magic.
The law of compound Nerdfighting is similar in that it also involves magic. The law of compound Nerdfighting states that 100 Nerdfighters as a group can do things that 100 Nerdfighters as individuals could not do. (image of T-shirt) In this example seen in this t-shirt that you own, Hank, we see that 100 Nerdfighters together can beat up a popular kid. By the way, Hank, I've been thinking that maybe the opposite of Nerdfighter is Decepticon. Do you like it?
What I learned this weekend is that we actually probably could have started a microfinance bank if we'd only known about the law of compound Nerdfighting, because people were extremely generous. I mean, we have funded a lot of loans now, and over the course of next week, we're going to continue to fund loans. And we're going to fund loans like crazy! We're gonna help people open bakeries and shoe stores. The other day we helped a guy who wanted to start a lasso factory. A lasso factory? That's so awesome! How come I didn't think of that?
But there's only one problem, Hank. The Nerdfighters are probably getting kind of tapped out. What we need is more Nerdfighters. Hank, I never really craved more Nerdfighters until this weekend. I mean, there's plenty of people out there who are Nerdfighters who just don't know about the term yet. Hank, what we have is an acute Nerdfighter shortage! We gotta do something about this. Hank, I think broadly speaking, there are four kinds of people in the world. First, you have your Decepticons, you know, not Nerdfighters. Then you have your Nerdfighters, you know, me, you, Tobias, Otter, all the commenters, all the people who hang out in My Pants, all the people who write Nerdfighting songs, that kind of thing. Then you've got what I like to call your Nerdfighters-In-Training, or your NiTs. Your NiTs are your lurkers, your occasional viewers, that kind of thing. Then you've got people who would be Nerdfighters, but they don't even know what a Nerdfighter is yet. That's very troubling, Hank, because those are the people who could be giving to Kiva.org to pick up where the current Nerdfighters are having to leave off because they're out of money to lend.
So Hank, what I'm gonna propose is a series of mass promotions! First, we have to promote the Nerdfighters to being Senior Executive Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to promote the NiTs to being Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to take all the people who do not yet know that they are Nerdfighters, and we are gonna promote them to NiTs! Hank, we have to find a way to tell these people that they're NiTs. And then we have to tell them to loan money to Kiva.org because the law of compound Nerdfighting says it clearly, Hank, the more there are of us, the fewer there will be of them. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Hank, speaking of us and them, there's an interesting conversation about post-colonial theory going on in the comments. That's the kind of thing that maybe we could talk about in My Pants. Oh, and that's one more difference between people who aren't Nerdfighters and people who are NiTs and people who are Nerdfighters. People who aren't yet Nerdfighters are like, (talking into pants) Why is that guy talking about post-colonial theory in his pants? And then people who are NiTs are like, Oh man, I should really join that forum. And people who are Nerdfighters are already starting the thread.
How to be a Microfinancier Part 2
Good morning John, it's Friday, June 29th. Good morning John it's- No. I'm not gonna do that two days in a row. Thanks for yesterday's video. I'm really glad that we finally got to share some of what we saw in the Dominican Republic. It's kind of strange that I felt so grateful to be able to experience that. I guess I would have assumed that I was going to feel sad. Or- r- mostly really guilty. I was afraid I was going to feel extremely guilty. I was also afraid that I was going to feel extremely scared. But somehow I didn't feel either of those things. Maybe I should of, but I didn't. I guess I probably felt less scared because we had an armed guard with us the whole time.
It its first year this program had like three robberies and they had to take some kind of steps to stop that. So now there's always a "driver." And the driver has a gun. When we first got there, mostly I just felt really awkward and out of place. Obviously it was a very different world from the one that I am used to. But what you didn't share with everybody yesterday, and what I think is really important to share, is that after we stood up in front of all those women who were having their graduation ceremony that day, we started to ask them questions. And we asked them questions like what kind of business are you starting up? But then they started asking us questions, and they asked us questions like where are your sisters? And are you married? And then? They all argued about which one of us was cuter. And you won.
I don't know what I expected poverty stricken people to be like, but for some reason I was surprised that they were people. And I am ashamed to admit that, but I will admit that. They were just people, and they have a community, and they hang out with each other, and they do a lot of the same things we do. Just not the things that cost money. But for some reason my previous experience with people with poverty, which is limited mostly to television commercials, gave me this impression that they were somehow too sad and too downtrodden for me to be able to relate to them in any sort of way. That's complete bullsh*t! They're totally just people! They just happen to be people in really horrible situations. And they were nice and funny and if it wasn't, you know, scary and kinda depressing, I wouldn't mind hanging out with those kind of people. Also I would have to speak much better Spanish. And while these people definitely need lots of help, in lots of different ways, microfinancing is a really powerful way for these people to improve the quality of their own lives.
And you're right! It's like giving money except you get it back afterward. I mean? I don't wanna be a pure capitalist here, but that's a pretty good deal. So I'm going to kiva.org and I'm gonna find somebody and I'm gonna sponsor them and I'm gonna put a link to them on Brotherhood2.com and we're gonna get that person their loan! (shot of website) This is Corina Andino Sanabria and she's a saleswoman and she's building a business in which she sells clothing. Right now she needs 575 dollars and I'm going to loan her 200 there! Now she only needs 375 dollars. Look how happy she looks.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, that was it? It was that easy? Yes. It's that easy and then you get your money back in six months. And Corina gets to run her business! Basically it's like investing, except that the interest rate isn't very good. You could invest your money in Exxon, but you wouldn't feel as good about that as I do about this. Kiva.org RAAAAAH AAAH RAAAAH! I don't think anybody gets this excited about donating money ever, but it's not donating money! It's loaning money! But it feels like donating money. It feels good but you get your money back! Microfinance. YES! It's that easy.
John, I'll see you on Monday.
It its first year this program had like three robberies and they had to take some kind of steps to stop that. So now there's always a "driver." And the driver has a gun. When we first got there, mostly I just felt really awkward and out of place. Obviously it was a very different world from the one that I am used to. But what you didn't share with everybody yesterday, and what I think is really important to share, is that after we stood up in front of all those women who were having their graduation ceremony that day, we started to ask them questions. And we asked them questions like what kind of business are you starting up? But then they started asking us questions, and they asked us questions like where are your sisters? And are you married? And then? They all argued about which one of us was cuter. And you won.
I don't know what I expected poverty stricken people to be like, but for some reason I was surprised that they were people. And I am ashamed to admit that, but I will admit that. They were just people, and they have a community, and they hang out with each other, and they do a lot of the same things we do. Just not the things that cost money. But for some reason my previous experience with people with poverty, which is limited mostly to television commercials, gave me this impression that they were somehow too sad and too downtrodden for me to be able to relate to them in any sort of way. That's complete bullsh*t! They're totally just people! They just happen to be people in really horrible situations. And they were nice and funny and if it wasn't, you know, scary and kinda depressing, I wouldn't mind hanging out with those kind of people. Also I would have to speak much better Spanish. And while these people definitely need lots of help, in lots of different ways, microfinancing is a really powerful way for these people to improve the quality of their own lives.
And you're right! It's like giving money except you get it back afterward. I mean? I don't wanna be a pure capitalist here, but that's a pretty good deal. So I'm going to kiva.org and I'm gonna find somebody and I'm gonna sponsor them and I'm gonna put a link to them on Brotherhood2.com and we're gonna get that person their loan! (shot of website) This is Corina Andino Sanabria and she's a saleswoman and she's building a business in which she sells clothing. Right now she needs 575 dollars and I'm going to loan her 200 there! Now she only needs 375 dollars. Look how happy she looks.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, that was it? It was that easy? Yes. It's that easy and then you get your money back in six months. And Corina gets to run her business! Basically it's like investing, except that the interest rate isn't very good. You could invest your money in Exxon, but you wouldn't feel as good about that as I do about this. Kiva.org RAAAAAH AAAH RAAAAH! I don't think anybody gets this excited about donating money ever, but it's not donating money! It's loaning money! But it feels like donating money. It feels good but you get your money back! Microfinance. YES! It's that easy.
John, I'll see you on Monday.
June 28: How to Be a Microfinancier
(Dominican children) Buenos Dias!
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, June 28th. Welcome to my new backyard. Hank today we're gonna learn how to be microfinanciers. It's kinda like being a regular financier, only it's free, and instead of being evil it's good. Hank, the Dominican Republic resort we stayed at was pretty swank, but we took one day to go to the real Dominican Republic, where, like, regular people live. And what we learned there was that regular people in the Dominican Republic live in poverty. In fact, about 60% of people live in extreme poverty in the Dominican Republic, and about half of those people live on less than one dollar a day. People in extreme poverty have almost no interaction with regular banking. In fact, when we were there we saw people who didn't know if you signed a check on the front or on the back.
They don't have any opportunity to have access to banking because they don't have the kind of collateral that loans require. So they end up in this cycle of poverty, right, where they can't get a loan to get a business, and without a small business they don't have any job opportunities because there aren't really any jobs because the economy doesn't function very well and the reason the economy doesn't function well is because no one can get loans to start businesses.
So microfinance organizations take the poorest of the poor and they offer them opportunities. Now the only type of other loan that these people can get are from loan sharks, who often charge a thousand percent annual interest. Hank when we were in the Dominican Republic we met with that wonderful group of women who were just about to graduate from their microfinance training. They'd spent five weeks learning the basics of banking and also thinking about what kind of businesses they were going to start, and then we showed up for their graduation ceremony which was held in their neighborhood.
The woman on the bottom left in this picture was opening up a shoe store, the woman next to her was going to sell Avon products. The woman directly two rows behind her was opening up a cafeteria.
Here's the remarkable thing about this microfinance organization we met with: Their loan payback rate is more than 98%. That's higher than like, most American banks. Because these women know that this is an excellent opportunity to have a chance to get out of poverty, they're really good about paying back their loans. And then once they pay back that loan, they take out larger loans to continue to grow their business. In fact, as we were driving back from that neighborhood, we saw a sprawling complex of restaurants that was all started by one woman who got one one hundred and eighty dollar microfinance loan.
Hank, I think we can agree- (coughs) hold on. (coughs) I swallowed a gnat. Stupid nature. Hank, I think we can agree that microfinance is an awesome idea. The problem is that usually the people who start these microfinance organizations are like really really rich. However, there is now this amazing website, kiva.org, K-I-V-A-.-O-R-G that allows you to be a microfinancier. You give money directly to someone who's living in extreme poverty, and then they pay you back. Hank, it's like charity, only it doesn't cost you any money!
So, Hank, as a project, I propose that you and I over the next week give several gifts to Kiva.org. Maybe the Nerdfighters will join us. Hank, I've gotta go back inside and paint my office, I'll see you tomorrow. (cute Dominican children)
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, June 28th. Welcome to my new backyard. Hank today we're gonna learn how to be microfinanciers. It's kinda like being a regular financier, only it's free, and instead of being evil it's good. Hank, the Dominican Republic resort we stayed at was pretty swank, but we took one day to go to the real Dominican Republic, where, like, regular people live. And what we learned there was that regular people in the Dominican Republic live in poverty. In fact, about 60% of people live in extreme poverty in the Dominican Republic, and about half of those people live on less than one dollar a day. People in extreme poverty have almost no interaction with regular banking. In fact, when we were there we saw people who didn't know if you signed a check on the front or on the back.
They don't have any opportunity to have access to banking because they don't have the kind of collateral that loans require. So they end up in this cycle of poverty, right, where they can't get a loan to get a business, and without a small business they don't have any job opportunities because there aren't really any jobs because the economy doesn't function very well and the reason the economy doesn't function well is because no one can get loans to start businesses.
So microfinance organizations take the poorest of the poor and they offer them opportunities. Now the only type of other loan that these people can get are from loan sharks, who often charge a thousand percent annual interest. Hank when we were in the Dominican Republic we met with that wonderful group of women who were just about to graduate from their microfinance training. They'd spent five weeks learning the basics of banking and also thinking about what kind of businesses they were going to start, and then we showed up for their graduation ceremony which was held in their neighborhood.
The woman on the bottom left in this picture was opening up a shoe store, the woman next to her was going to sell Avon products. The woman directly two rows behind her was opening up a cafeteria.
Here's the remarkable thing about this microfinance organization we met with: Their loan payback rate is more than 98%. That's higher than like, most American banks. Because these women know that this is an excellent opportunity to have a chance to get out of poverty, they're really good about paying back their loans. And then once they pay back that loan, they take out larger loans to continue to grow their business. In fact, as we were driving back from that neighborhood, we saw a sprawling complex of restaurants that was all started by one woman who got one one hundred and eighty dollar microfinance loan.
Hank, I think we can agree- (coughs) hold on. (coughs) I swallowed a gnat. Stupid nature. Hank, I think we can agree that microfinance is an awesome idea. The problem is that usually the people who start these microfinance organizations are like really really rich. However, there is now this amazing website, kiva.org, K-I-V-A-.-O-R-G that allows you to be a microfinancier. You give money directly to someone who's living in extreme poverty, and then they pay you back. Hank, it's like charity, only it doesn't cost you any money!
So, Hank, as a project, I propose that you and I over the next week give several gifts to Kiva.org. Maybe the Nerdfighters will join us. Hank, I've gotta go back inside and paint my office, I'll see you tomorrow. (cute Dominican children)
June 27: Good Morning John, it's Wednesday
(rhythm taps) Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
(cymbal) Good morning John, it's Wednesday. Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
(bass enters) Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
(Hank is outside on rock, piano enters) Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good- good- good- good- good morning- good morning- good morning-
Good morning John Good morning John Good morning John
Good morning John Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good good good good good morning, it's Wednesday.
Good good good good good morning, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John. Good morning John. Good morning John it's Wednesday.
Good morning John it's Wednesday.
Good morning John it's Wednesday, June 27th. (music ends)
Well, I dunno if it was all that dancing, but there's something going on in my pants. What the heck? (Stands, shows pants) It's like- Ow, it's SPAM! Well thank God there's not any more spam in My Pants. The forum should be free of the evil scum-sucking spammers. I think I deleted all of the extremely gross posts. If you see anything else, let me know. You can email us or just get us in the comments or in the forum, we're always around.
Thanks to everyone who reported the initial bombardment! And happy birthday to Cassia! That's all! John, I'll see you tomorrow.
(cymbal) Good morning John, it's Wednesday. Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
(bass enters) Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
(Hank is outside on rock, piano enters) Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good- good- good- good- good morning- good morning- good morning-
Good morning John Good morning John Good morning John
Good morning John Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John, it's Wednesday.
Good good good good good morning, it's Wednesday.
Good good good good good morning, it's Wednesday.
Good morning John. Good morning John. Good morning John it's Wednesday.
Good morning John it's Wednesday.
Good morning John it's Wednesday, June 27th. (music ends)
Well, I dunno if it was all that dancing, but there's something going on in my pants. What the heck? (Stands, shows pants) It's like- Ow, it's SPAM! Well thank God there's not any more spam in My Pants. The forum should be free of the evil scum-sucking spammers. I think I deleted all of the extremely gross posts. If you see anything else, let me know. You can email us or just get us in the comments or in the forum, we're always around.
Thanks to everyone who reported the initial bombardment! And happy birthday to Cassia! That's all! John, I'll see you tomorrow.
June 26: The American Library Association Parties
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank! Helloooo!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Man: I can't just say good morning Hank.
John: Julie.
Julie: Yes?
John: Will you say good morning Hank?
Julie: I'm gonna make good morning Hank above 700 librarians?
John: Will you say, will you just-
Julie: Good morning Hank.
(in room) Not above 700 librarians, Hank, but along side with them.
700 librarians: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
That was a pretty great good morning Hank! Hank a lot of great things happened at the American Library Association Conference this weekend and if you're wondering why you're looking at this very strange shot instead of any of those great things, like me hanging out with Judy Blume or me going to a lot of fun parties, it's because I accidentally taped over all that stuff with 30 minutes of this stuff.
(inside) GAAAAAHHHHH (hits head) Stupid! Fortunately you will get to listen to me harangue a reader.
John: Are you a dumper?
Girl: No.
John: You're only friends cause he wants you back.
Girl: No, it was mutual actually.
John: It's never mutual.
(in room) In fact, pretty much the only things that I have footage of are: Nerdfighter Cynthia Lord winning the Newbery Honor for her book, Rules. And the Printz Award reception on Monday night.
Speaker: When I returned from mid-winter in Seattle, I was urged to check out the Brotherhood 2.0 website. (crowd laughs and applauds) Where John had a video blog of our phone call. It was fun to see his happy dance over the good news. I tuned in again the next day to see John's brother, Hank, toast him with 'here's to silver medals, to not quite doing as good as you did last time?'
(in room) Hank, the ALA convention is always fun, but this one was particularly fun because it was so Hank-tastic! Everywhere I went people were like, hey you're Hank Green's brother! And I was like, yeah, I also write books and they were like, right but you're Hank Green's brother! Four different people asked me if I knew your phone number. And I was like, he's my brother. Yes. I know his phone number. And they said, can I have it? And I said, No! People kept telling me how cute you are and how funny you are and how much they like you. So, Hank, if you like young adult literature so much I would encourage you to write so of it, because you're bound to be an instant hit.
All the Printz speeches were great, Markus Zusak, Tobin Anderson, Gene Yang, and Sonya Hartnett all were wonderful. I dunno how I did, but here's the funniest snippet, I'll let you judge.
John (at awards): People still think of librarians as these shy, retiring, flowers. When ever I hear someone stereotype a librarian like that, I always counter their story with a true one of my own. This is entirely true. I say that last year, at a librarian conference in New Orleans I learnt how hard librarians party during an evening of casual gambling when I happened across a librarian passed out drunk, sprawled across the lounge carpet of Harry's Casino. Spilled drink in one hand, and a promising first novel in the other. (laughter and applause)
Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
Woman: Hi Hank!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank! Helloooo!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Man: I can't just say good morning Hank.
John: Julie.
Julie: Yes?
John: Will you say good morning Hank?
Julie: I'm gonna make good morning Hank above 700 librarians?
John: Will you say, will you just-
Julie: Good morning Hank.
(in room) Not above 700 librarians, Hank, but along side with them.
700 librarians: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
That was a pretty great good morning Hank! Hank a lot of great things happened at the American Library Association Conference this weekend and if you're wondering why you're looking at this very strange shot instead of any of those great things, like me hanging out with Judy Blume or me going to a lot of fun parties, it's because I accidentally taped over all that stuff with 30 minutes of this stuff.
(inside) GAAAAAHHHHH (hits head) Stupid! Fortunately you will get to listen to me harangue a reader.
John: Are you a dumper?
Girl: No.
John: You're only friends cause he wants you back.
Girl: No, it was mutual actually.
John: It's never mutual.
(in room) In fact, pretty much the only things that I have footage of are: Nerdfighter Cynthia Lord winning the Newbery Honor for her book, Rules. And the Printz Award reception on Monday night.
Speaker: When I returned from mid-winter in Seattle, I was urged to check out the Brotherhood 2.0 website. (crowd laughs and applauds) Where John had a video blog of our phone call. It was fun to see his happy dance over the good news. I tuned in again the next day to see John's brother, Hank, toast him with 'here's to silver medals, to not quite doing as good as you did last time?'
(in room) Hank, the ALA convention is always fun, but this one was particularly fun because it was so Hank-tastic! Everywhere I went people were like, hey you're Hank Green's brother! And I was like, yeah, I also write books and they were like, right but you're Hank Green's brother! Four different people asked me if I knew your phone number. And I was like, he's my brother. Yes. I know his phone number. And they said, can I have it? And I said, No! People kept telling me how cute you are and how funny you are and how much they like you. So, Hank, if you like young adult literature so much I would encourage you to write so of it, because you're bound to be an instant hit.
All the Printz speeches were great, Markus Zusak, Tobin Anderson, Gene Yang, and Sonya Hartnett all were wonderful. I dunno how I did, but here's the funniest snippet, I'll let you judge.
John (at awards): People still think of librarians as these shy, retiring, flowers. When ever I hear someone stereotype a librarian like that, I always counter their story with a true one of my own. This is entirely true. I say that last year, at a librarian conference in New Orleans I learnt how hard librarians party during an evening of casual gambling when I happened across a librarian passed out drunk, sprawled across the lounge carpet of Harry's Casino. Spilled drink in one hand, and a promising first novel in the other. (laughter and applause)
Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
June 25: Dum De Dum De Dum De Readn' a Book
Good morning John, it's Monday June 25th, and I don't have time to talk to you right now. I'm sorry, I'm finishing a book.
(sings) Dum de dum de dum de readin a book.
Dum de dum de dum de readin a book.
Oh dumble de dum de dum dum
Dum de dum de dum
Dum de dum de dum de readin a book.
(spoken outside) John, I've been meaning to as you something. I guess it's pretty normal for adults to write books for kids, but is it normal for adults to read books for kids? I know you do it, but you can call it "research." But I read books for kids cause I like books for kids. I mean, not usually books for kids as much as books for young people. (holds up The Subtle Knife) I'm fairly certain that this book was written for kids. But it's really good. I like it a lot. The worst thing is when I read books for adults I often really don't like them very much.
I'm honestly not sure what the difference is, like I've read a lot of adult books that have really young main characters, person who lives in that house right over there, in her book the main character was 13, but the book was marketed at adults. In this book the main character is 12, but the book is marketed at 12 year olds. To me it seems like the only real difference is that that book was a lot more believable, and this book is a lot more fun.
You'll notice that I've decided to record this video blog in my front yard. This is part of a project of mine. I got really comfortable making video blogs downstairs. So comfortable, in fact, that I was screaming and yelling at the camera, and I was really excited all the time, and people were commenting on that, and they were excited by it, but the fact was I could only be like that in my basement. So last video I went into my side yard where people couldn't see me because there's a fence around it. And I tried to be myself and be exuberant in my side yard. And today I'm moving into my front yard, where people can see me. Because there are roads all around me and no fences. And the idea is that I will soon be able to be my video blogging self in places with lots of people. And slowly I can move further and further away from my basement while still making videos and still not being really preoccupied with the fact that there might be a car driving by, or a person on a bike looking at me, or a neighbor looking out of their house wondering what the heck their neighbor is doing sitting in his front yard talking at a camera which is sitting on top of a stool. I need to get a tripod.
Now, I'm basing this strategy on how we've trained our cat to take walks. First we just took her onto the back porch, and then we took her into the side yard, and then we took her onto the sidewalk, and then we took her into the front yard, and now she can pretty much go to the front yard, and that's as far as she's gonna get. I think. Uh- she doesn't like going anywhere else. So I'm gonna try and break past that barrier that Cameo can't seem to break through. I don't know if I'm gonna make it. But I'm gonna try.
Now, John, I hope you're OK with me leaving you to do whatever you're doing because right now I have to read my book a lot. John, I will see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (shot of Hank reading, looks at camera) Oh my God, stop bothering me! I'm reading!
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (inside) and congratulations to Nerdfighter Ashley L. On her marriage today. Getting married on a Monday? That's kinda weird. Uuhhuuh. Congratulations!
(sings) Dum de dum de dum de readin a book.
Dum de dum de dum de readin a book.
Oh dumble de dum de dum dum
Dum de dum de dum
Dum de dum de dum de readin a book.
(spoken outside) John, I've been meaning to as you something. I guess it's pretty normal for adults to write books for kids, but is it normal for adults to read books for kids? I know you do it, but you can call it "research." But I read books for kids cause I like books for kids. I mean, not usually books for kids as much as books for young people. (holds up The Subtle Knife) I'm fairly certain that this book was written for kids. But it's really good. I like it a lot. The worst thing is when I read books for adults I often really don't like them very much.
I'm honestly not sure what the difference is, like I've read a lot of adult books that have really young main characters, person who lives in that house right over there, in her book the main character was 13, but the book was marketed at adults. In this book the main character is 12, but the book is marketed at 12 year olds. To me it seems like the only real difference is that that book was a lot more believable, and this book is a lot more fun.
You'll notice that I've decided to record this video blog in my front yard. This is part of a project of mine. I got really comfortable making video blogs downstairs. So comfortable, in fact, that I was screaming and yelling at the camera, and I was really excited all the time, and people were commenting on that, and they were excited by it, but the fact was I could only be like that in my basement. So last video I went into my side yard where people couldn't see me because there's a fence around it. And I tried to be myself and be exuberant in my side yard. And today I'm moving into my front yard, where people can see me. Because there are roads all around me and no fences. And the idea is that I will soon be able to be my video blogging self in places with lots of people. And slowly I can move further and further away from my basement while still making videos and still not being really preoccupied with the fact that there might be a car driving by, or a person on a bike looking at me, or a neighbor looking out of their house wondering what the heck their neighbor is doing sitting in his front yard talking at a camera which is sitting on top of a stool. I need to get a tripod.
Now, I'm basing this strategy on how we've trained our cat to take walks. First we just took her onto the back porch, and then we took her into the side yard, and then we took her onto the sidewalk, and then we took her into the front yard, and now she can pretty much go to the front yard, and that's as far as she's gonna get. I think. Uh- she doesn't like going anywhere else. So I'm gonna try and break past that barrier that Cameo can't seem to break through. I don't know if I'm gonna make it. But I'm gonna try.
Now, John, I hope you're OK with me leaving you to do whatever you're doing because right now I have to read my book a lot. John, I will see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (shot of Hank reading, looks at camera) Oh my God, stop bothering me! I'm reading!
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (inside) and congratulations to Nerdfighter Ashley L. On her marriage today. Getting married on a Monday? That's kinda weird. Uuhhuuh. Congratulations!
Saturday, November 6
Brotherhood 2.0: June 22: The Senator
Good morning Hank, it's Friday, June 22nd, you'll never guess where I am, unless you guess an airport, in which case, you guess right. I'm always in airports! Hank, the day before yesterday I moved to Indianapolis, Indiana. And today I'm moving to Washington, D.C. Fortunately this move is only for five days. I'm going to the American Library Association's Annual Conference, which is, like, the librarian conference for the entire year. It's huge! Don't worry I will be reporting back on Tuesday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.
June 21: Gotta Get Outside!
Good morning John, it's Thursday, June 21st. June 21st? That's the longest day of the year! The summer solstice! And to celebrate, I was gonna take you guys outside, out on the town in Missoula to enjoy the longest day in the year. But I forgot to charge my battery. (sighs) So, I am stuck to the house. With the wires. But I did get you a little change of scenery. This is the upstairs of my house.
I do really love the amazing summer days of Missoula. The average length of a day on planet Earth is 12 hours. We've defined it that way, but the further away from the equator you get, the bigger the extremes get, and we're pretty far away from the equator here. So right now, instead of 12 hours, the day is like 15, 16 hours long. It doesn't technically matter, because I spend 80% of my waking hours in a basement. That doesn't mean I can't appreciate it. And that I don't like going outside and feeling the warmth of the un on my skin. I need to get outside! Why did I forget to charge my camera battery?
Ho-ho-ho-ho! I have an idea. (moves camera into window. Dances around outside) I'm outside! Hey, my cat's coming to look at me. Psspsspsspss. (Cat is in front of camera) Umm, you actually make this a little bit difficult, Cameo. (cat moves) This is my side yard. Uh, I've always wanted to plant a vegetable garden inhere, but since I don't actually own my house I can't get permission to do it. (squishes face on screen) Wow, that probably looks pretty horrible. And I have sworn to myself that when I get my own house I will not have grass. I will only have vegetables. Carrots growin like weeds and beds of lettuce everywhere and tomato plants up the butt. Oh, ooohhh (shakes head). And you know, some flowers and stuff too. But mostly I want edible stuff. So it's like act-actually productive? Instead of grass which is just- seems really ridiculous to me. Plus, vegetables are often very very pretty plants.
So you ask me what I think you should do with all that grass? TEAR IT OUT OF THE GROUND! And then put down raised beds, all over the place, and then you water those, but that's OK, because vegetable have to be watered anyways. So it's either that they get watered at the farm, or they get watered at your house. It's the same amount of water for the same amount of vegetables. Plus, you save money and have something really cool to look after that's not a pet or a child. Which is good, because unlike pets or kids you can neglect it and no one will arrest you. Though the neighborhood association might give you a fine. So that is my suggestion. I very strongly suggest that you don't keep the grass. Because in Australia they only have 62 weeks of water left, and really it should be used for agriculture. Because we need to eat. We don't need green lawns. But that's just my opinion. Maybe somebody needs green lawns, but it's not the Green brothers. We don't need green lawns, we need green vegetables so we can grow up strong and big. And also not quite as big as most of America.
So this is my outdoor version of Brotherhood 2.0. Coming to an internet cafe in Indianapolis near you. John, I will see you tomorrow.
I do really love the amazing summer days of Missoula. The average length of a day on planet Earth is 12 hours. We've defined it that way, but the further away from the equator you get, the bigger the extremes get, and we're pretty far away from the equator here. So right now, instead of 12 hours, the day is like 15, 16 hours long. It doesn't technically matter, because I spend 80% of my waking hours in a basement. That doesn't mean I can't appreciate it. And that I don't like going outside and feeling the warmth of the un on my skin. I need to get outside! Why did I forget to charge my camera battery?
Ho-ho-ho-ho! I have an idea. (moves camera into window. Dances around outside) I'm outside! Hey, my cat's coming to look at me. Psspsspsspss. (Cat is in front of camera) Umm, you actually make this a little bit difficult, Cameo. (cat moves) This is my side yard. Uh, I've always wanted to plant a vegetable garden inhere, but since I don't actually own my house I can't get permission to do it. (squishes face on screen) Wow, that probably looks pretty horrible. And I have sworn to myself that when I get my own house I will not have grass. I will only have vegetables. Carrots growin like weeds and beds of lettuce everywhere and tomato plants up the butt. Oh, ooohhh (shakes head). And you know, some flowers and stuff too. But mostly I want edible stuff. So it's like act-actually productive? Instead of grass which is just- seems really ridiculous to me. Plus, vegetables are often very very pretty plants.
So you ask me what I think you should do with all that grass? TEAR IT OUT OF THE GROUND! And then put down raised beds, all over the place, and then you water those, but that's OK, because vegetable have to be watered anyways. So it's either that they get watered at the farm, or they get watered at your house. It's the same amount of water for the same amount of vegetables. Plus, you save money and have something really cool to look after that's not a pet or a child. Which is good, because unlike pets or kids you can neglect it and no one will arrest you. Though the neighborhood association might give you a fine. So that is my suggestion. I very strongly suggest that you don't keep the grass. Because in Australia they only have 62 weeks of water left, and really it should be used for agriculture. Because we need to eat. We don't need green lawns. But that's just my opinion. Maybe somebody needs green lawns, but it's not the Green brothers. We don't need green lawns, we need green vegetables so we can grow up strong and big. And also not quite as big as most of America.
So this is my outdoor version of Brotherhood 2.0. Coming to an internet cafe in Indianapolis near you. John, I will see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: June 20: Moving
(driving) Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, June 20th and we are on our way to Indianapolis. I would look at you, but I'm driving a gigantic moving van. (shot of van at house)
(shot of boxes, John pops up) Hank we made it to Indianapolis! Although, as you will probably notice, puff levels are a little bit high. I hope this is the worst I ever look on Brotherhood 2.0. How am I gonna meet Judy Blume with this hair? Hey Hank, you know what's fun? Driving a 24 foot moving truck halfway across the country. It's particularly fun when it's raining! Because then you don't just feel like you're steering a run away train, you feel like you're steering a run away train that's on skis! Also, you know what's really really long? Pennsylvania.
Hey Hank, congratulations on The Weather Channel, I haven't even seen it yet, but Mom says it's awesome.
So it ended up taking, like, 18 hours, but eventually we made it to Indianapolis. I'm really happy I'm here. (shot of flowers) Look, Hank, nature! I mean, you know, when I was in New York it was almost impossible to contribute to the global water crisis, but here it's really easy. (shot of watering) (sings) the worldwide water shortage crisis is all my fault! (back inside) OK, uh, quick question Hank, what do I do about all this grass? I mean, I used, like, eight baths worth of water in like ten minutes trying to make it less brown.
Hank I haven't even seen your video from yesterday, so I'm gonna go to Starbucks, upload this, watch yours, and then take a nap that's gonna last, like, 30 hours. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hey Hank, I don't even know if you know this, but we were sort of, like, halfway featured on YouTube last week, and one of our videos, I think it was the one from June 4th, ended up getting a lot of comments from YouTubers. And let me tell you Hank, YouTubers are smart (mouths no they aren't) All I'm gonna say is that these YouTubers were definitely not Nerdfighters. Hey, speaking of which, Hank what's the opposite of a Nerdfighter? Anyway Hank, I would read some of those comments to you, but unfortunately most of them do not contain any English words what so ever. It's just sort of a random string of letters with an occasional profanity. But one YouTuber did write a legible comment. He said: I notice you are a nerd, why? Why? Why am I a nerd? Why? Hank, Nerdfighters, why are we nerds? And why are we proud to be nerds? By the way, any Nerdfighters who are also YouTubers, can go to YouTube and give the video from June 4th a high rating, and it might be featured again.
(shot of boxes, John pops up) Hank we made it to Indianapolis! Although, as you will probably notice, puff levels are a little bit high. I hope this is the worst I ever look on Brotherhood 2.0. How am I gonna meet Judy Blume with this hair? Hey Hank, you know what's fun? Driving a 24 foot moving truck halfway across the country. It's particularly fun when it's raining! Because then you don't just feel like you're steering a run away train, you feel like you're steering a run away train that's on skis! Also, you know what's really really long? Pennsylvania.
Hey Hank, congratulations on The Weather Channel, I haven't even seen it yet, but Mom says it's awesome.
So it ended up taking, like, 18 hours, but eventually we made it to Indianapolis. I'm really happy I'm here. (shot of flowers) Look, Hank, nature! I mean, you know, when I was in New York it was almost impossible to contribute to the global water crisis, but here it's really easy. (shot of watering) (sings) the worldwide water shortage crisis is all my fault! (back inside) OK, uh, quick question Hank, what do I do about all this grass? I mean, I used, like, eight baths worth of water in like ten minutes trying to make it less brown.
Hank I haven't even seen your video from yesterday, so I'm gonna go to Starbucks, upload this, watch yours, and then take a nap that's gonna last, like, 30 hours. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hey Hank, I don't even know if you know this, but we were sort of, like, halfway featured on YouTube last week, and one of our videos, I think it was the one from June 4th, ended up getting a lot of comments from YouTubers. And let me tell you Hank, YouTubers are smart (mouths no they aren't) All I'm gonna say is that these YouTubers were definitely not Nerdfighters. Hey, speaking of which, Hank what's the opposite of a Nerdfighter? Anyway Hank, I would read some of those comments to you, but unfortunately most of them do not contain any English words what so ever. It's just sort of a random string of letters with an occasional profanity. But one YouTuber did write a legible comment. He said: I notice you are a nerd, why? Why? Why am I a nerd? Why? Hank, Nerdfighters, why are we nerds? And why are we proud to be nerds? By the way, any Nerdfighters who are also YouTubers, can go to YouTube and give the video from June 4th a high rating, and it might be featured again.
June 19: GOOD LUCK JOHN
Good morning John it's Tuesday, June 19th!
(singing) I'm back in the basement again! I'm back in the basement again! I'm mostly underground and you can't hear a sound, 'cause I'm back in the basement again!
(spoken) It's pretty comfortable down here. I, uh, made a little nest for myself. Where I can nuzzle up. And, uh, come down here when it's too hot outside. (singing) And I'm back in the basement again.
But I don't envy you, having to move out of your house. Having to leave your little studio. I wonder what's gonna to be in the background of all your new videos? Is it still gonna be your bookcase? Or are you gonna do it somewhere else? Maybe Brotherhood 2.0 viewers would like a change of setting every once in awhile. I mean, for awhile people were, you know, impressed by my map of the realm of Narnia, and my floating bookshelves back there. But now nobody talks about that anymore. Maybe I should start filming upstairs, in my bedroom, with the cat. At the Missoula skate park. Maybe some more from downtown Missoula. Or from Target. You know, on-location. Not today, though. But I'd be interested if people had suggestions.
So what's the news, you ask? Oh let me tell you. There's news. (shows mental_floss article he wrote) There's this news. You might not be impressed with this kinda stuff John anymore, but it's still very exciting for me. I can go to Barnes & Noble and be like, hey, I wrote this. That's me. People will gasp, you're famous! Just like that. Famous! And I'll say, you don't know the half of it.
The other day I was wearing my Brotherhood 2.0 in my pants shirt, and a lady came up and asked me about it. I thought that was actually kind of brave of her. I mean, would you go up to somebody who had a t-shirt like that? I mean, I've seen a lot of weird t-shirts in my time, but I don't generally walk up to people and ask them what they're about. There's an idea for a project: asking people about their t-shirts. Gotta find someplace public with lots of t-shirts, and be like, (shows t-shirt) What the- It's the future! He saw it and it's going to crush him! A lot of times there's no explaining. I mean, talking to strangers is fun, right? As long as the t-shirt doesn't say something like, don't talk to me about my t-shirt or I will put forks in you! That would be an amazing t-shirt.
Other news! I was on the Weather Channel. I mean, I knew that they had recorded me, for the Weather Channel, but then suddenly I was actually on the Weather Channel. I missed it, but it will be on again, several times. The show is called "Forecast Earth" I believe. The particular episode is entitled something about hotness, heat, global heat, heating up, heat or heaters, space heater. Space heater? Probably not. It starts out, I think, with John Kerry, and I'm the very end. But that's definitely my first national television appearance, and I'm pretty sure that they mentioned Brotherhood 2.0. (Mouth pop) Hoo hah! (Mouth pop) Hoo hah!
Anyhow, I talked to the Yeti this afternoon, and she and John were in the moving truck, leaving New York. Actually, trying to get out of the city, while in a moving truck, which I'm sure can't be very easy. So, let us all get together, and say, Lucky lucky lucky-lucky-lucky-lucky woo! Good luck getting out of the city and getting to Indianapolis, good luck moving into your new house, good luck doing a video tomorrow, while moving into your new house. Cause that's gonna suck. And thanks for your video, it always sucks leaving a good place. I hope I don't have to do it anytime soon. I'll see you tomorrow. I hope.
(singing) I'm back in the basement again! I'm back in the basement again! I'm mostly underground and you can't hear a sound, 'cause I'm back in the basement again!
(spoken) It's pretty comfortable down here. I, uh, made a little nest for myself. Where I can nuzzle up. And, uh, come down here when it's too hot outside. (singing) And I'm back in the basement again.
But I don't envy you, having to move out of your house. Having to leave your little studio. I wonder what's gonna to be in the background of all your new videos? Is it still gonna be your bookcase? Or are you gonna do it somewhere else? Maybe Brotherhood 2.0 viewers would like a change of setting every once in awhile. I mean, for awhile people were, you know, impressed by my map of the realm of Narnia, and my floating bookshelves back there. But now nobody talks about that anymore. Maybe I should start filming upstairs, in my bedroom, with the cat. At the Missoula skate park. Maybe some more from downtown Missoula. Or from Target. You know, on-location. Not today, though. But I'd be interested if people had suggestions.
So what's the news, you ask? Oh let me tell you. There's news. (shows mental_floss article he wrote) There's this news. You might not be impressed with this kinda stuff John anymore, but it's still very exciting for me. I can go to Barnes & Noble and be like, hey, I wrote this. That's me. People will gasp, you're famous! Just like that. Famous! And I'll say, you don't know the half of it.
The other day I was wearing my Brotherhood 2.0 in my pants shirt, and a lady came up and asked me about it. I thought that was actually kind of brave of her. I mean, would you go up to somebody who had a t-shirt like that? I mean, I've seen a lot of weird t-shirts in my time, but I don't generally walk up to people and ask them what they're about. There's an idea for a project: asking people about their t-shirts. Gotta find someplace public with lots of t-shirts, and be like, (shows t-shirt) What the- It's the future! He saw it and it's going to crush him! A lot of times there's no explaining. I mean, talking to strangers is fun, right? As long as the t-shirt doesn't say something like, don't talk to me about my t-shirt or I will put forks in you! That would be an amazing t-shirt.
Other news! I was on the Weather Channel. I mean, I knew that they had recorded me, for the Weather Channel, but then suddenly I was actually on the Weather Channel. I missed it, but it will be on again, several times. The show is called "Forecast Earth" I believe. The particular episode is entitled something about hotness, heat, global heat, heating up, heat or heaters, space heater. Space heater? Probably not. It starts out, I think, with John Kerry, and I'm the very end. But that's definitely my first national television appearance, and I'm pretty sure that they mentioned Brotherhood 2.0. (Mouth pop) Hoo hah! (Mouth pop) Hoo hah!
Anyhow, I talked to the Yeti this afternoon, and she and John were in the moving truck, leaving New York. Actually, trying to get out of the city, while in a moving truck, which I'm sure can't be very easy. So, let us all get together, and say, Lucky lucky lucky-lucky-lucky-lucky woo! Good luck getting out of the city and getting to Indianapolis, good luck moving into your new house, good luck doing a video tomorrow, while moving into your new house. Cause that's gonna suck. And thanks for your video, it always sucks leaving a good place. I hope I don't have to do it anytime soon. I'll see you tomorrow. I hope.
June 18th: Leaving New York City
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, June 18th, the day of my last video from New York. I'll miss a lot of things about New York. I'll miss its nannies, its rich kids, its funny dogs. I'll miss its funny cats. I'll miss its excellent public transportation system, its astonishingly low crime rate. I'll miss the everything now-ness of this place. I'll miss its hustle, and I'll miss my friends. And I'll also miss this walk. (music plays over walk in New York past and into park end at view of city at pond).
Friday, November 5
June 15: AIRRRRPORRRTS!!!
Good morning John, it's Friday June 15th. I'm really sorry about this iSght camera, headset, jiggling MacBook around. In terms of video quality this is pretty horrible. But at least I have the divine light of God (gestures at bright light shining on his hands) flowing from my hands. Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!
John, coming to see you was probably worth this, but only just. I hate flying on airplanes, and living in Montana doesn't make this any easier. I woke up at around six o'clock in the morning to get in a cab this morning, and I will arrive home at one o'clock in the morning. Dominican Republic time. What I want to be doing right now is sleeping, but instead I am sitting at the base of a column of light. With people staring at me. Because they obviously think that I am really weird. But I'm just gonna do it, because my plane will arrive in Missoula after the deadline. And I must continue the Brotherhood!
So that's enough complaining. John, I think we're starting to realized that there might be long spaces of time between when we get to see each other. While that, I guess, is normal in this day in age, it's not comfortable. And it sucks. Especially when there's an Evil Baby Orphanage to create. Nerdfighters will be excited to hear that John and I were able to work on the Evil Baby Orphanage while on our family vacation. And, I can tell you one thing for sure the idea is not getting any less awesome. But of course being able to discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage was only one of the many benefits of having some non-textual but also non-video blog communication going on between the brothers.
Brotherhood 2.0 ma- became a little bit redundant for that week, but it helped highlight the difference between textual communication and video blog communication and face-to-face communication and that kinda stuff is really, I guess, what this project is about. What I realize is neither of us are really quite ourselves over instant messenger, or even over the video blogs. But we can't not be ourselves face-to-face. And it helped remind me what kinda guy you really are. And also how totally crazy you can be sometimes. I mean, I was excited about the idea of donkey polo mostly just because I think it's absolutely ridiculous. But I can't say I understand your supreme disappointment. I think that heat is a fine reason to cancel miniature donkey polo. Can you think of anything more sad than a miniature donkey overheating? That would be horrible.
But aside from your occasional bouts of high stress insanity, you're a pretty amazing brother, and a pretty amazing guy. And I'm really happy to be your brother. I hope you're having a good time on your last day in the DR, I wish I was still there with you. A lot. Except that I really kind of want to be home right now more than anything else in the world. Katherine is actually going to see this video before she sees me. Which is a little- strange. I love you baby, I'll see you soon! And John, I will see you on Monday.
John, coming to see you was probably worth this, but only just. I hate flying on airplanes, and living in Montana doesn't make this any easier. I woke up at around six o'clock in the morning to get in a cab this morning, and I will arrive home at one o'clock in the morning. Dominican Republic time. What I want to be doing right now is sleeping, but instead I am sitting at the base of a column of light. With people staring at me. Because they obviously think that I am really weird. But I'm just gonna do it, because my plane will arrive in Missoula after the deadline. And I must continue the Brotherhood!
So that's enough complaining. John, I think we're starting to realized that there might be long spaces of time between when we get to see each other. While that, I guess, is normal in this day in age, it's not comfortable. And it sucks. Especially when there's an Evil Baby Orphanage to create. Nerdfighters will be excited to hear that John and I were able to work on the Evil Baby Orphanage while on our family vacation. And, I can tell you one thing for sure the idea is not getting any less awesome. But of course being able to discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage was only one of the many benefits of having some non-textual but also non-video blog communication going on between the brothers.
Brotherhood 2.0 ma- became a little bit redundant for that week, but it helped highlight the difference between textual communication and video blog communication and face-to-face communication and that kinda stuff is really, I guess, what this project is about. What I realize is neither of us are really quite ourselves over instant messenger, or even over the video blogs. But we can't not be ourselves face-to-face. And it helped remind me what kinda guy you really are. And also how totally crazy you can be sometimes. I mean, I was excited about the idea of donkey polo mostly just because I think it's absolutely ridiculous. But I can't say I understand your supreme disappointment. I think that heat is a fine reason to cancel miniature donkey polo. Can you think of anything more sad than a miniature donkey overheating? That would be horrible.
But aside from your occasional bouts of high stress insanity, you're a pretty amazing brother, and a pretty amazing guy. And I'm really happy to be your brother. I hope you're having a good time on your last day in the DR, I wish I was still there with you. A lot. Except that I really kind of want to be home right now more than anything else in the world. Katherine is actually going to see this video before she sees me. Which is a little- strange. I love you baby, I'll see you soon! And John, I will see you on Monday.
Brotherhood 2.0: June 14: Good News/Bad News
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday I have good news and bad news.
First: the good news, (raises cord) Yes!! Thanks to about 35 thousand residents of the Dominican Republic we managed to get our silver magic cord that takes the ideas from inside the camera and puts them inside the computer. From the big city, which is like an hour and a half away, to the little city, which is here. YES!
And now the bad news, Hank, and I really can address this video to you because you went off to the beach or whatever to use the internet magic phone to talk to the Katherine, but anyway, we had been planning all week for an exciting Brotherhood 2 moment of hilarity. About six weeks ago my cousin Braxton called me and he said, John I have good news and I have great news. And I said, oh, well, let's start with the good news, and he said, my wife and I are going to have our first child. And I said, wow, that is really really good news, I can't imagine what the great news is. And then Braxton said, John, the great news is this: in the Dominican Republic they have miniature donkey polo.
Miniature donkey polo! Now before any of you animal rights nerdfighters get mad at me let me quickly point out that miniature donkey polo is not inhumane. Witness for example: Chistopher Robin and Eeyore? Huh, huh? Getting ridden by Christopher Robin was the only thing that ever made Eeyore happy. Add to the long list of things I thought I would never say but ended up saying on Brotherhood 2.0 "ridden by Christopher Robin." Anyway Hank, I've spent the last six weeks looking forward to miniature donkey polo and then I called this morning because the miniature donkey polo was scheduled for six o'clock and they said that it had been cancelled due to heat. I don't wanna exploit the donkeys, but we're in the Dominican Republic. How can you cancel something due to heat? It's always hot here! So unfortunately our reunion is going to have to end without donkey polo.
Anyway Hank, it's been a great week, I've loved hanging out with you, it's been every bit as fun as the Growing Pains theme promised it would be. I think we've also micro finance and poverty and what life is really like in this country and I think we're looking forward to making those videos when we get back home to regular video equipment land. And really I think the only way this trip could have been better is if our grandparents hand been here and if Katherine had been here. I mean, without them it does feel a little bit like a family reuni instead of a family reunion. Anybody? Anybody? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Spelling jokes? Any one? No? OK. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
First: the good news, (raises cord) Yes!! Thanks to about 35 thousand residents of the Dominican Republic we managed to get our silver magic cord that takes the ideas from inside the camera and puts them inside the computer. From the big city, which is like an hour and a half away, to the little city, which is here. YES!
And now the bad news, Hank, and I really can address this video to you because you went off to the beach or whatever to use the internet magic phone to talk to the Katherine, but anyway, we had been planning all week for an exciting Brotherhood 2 moment of hilarity. About six weeks ago my cousin Braxton called me and he said, John I have good news and I have great news. And I said, oh, well, let's start with the good news, and he said, my wife and I are going to have our first child. And I said, wow, that is really really good news, I can't imagine what the great news is. And then Braxton said, John, the great news is this: in the Dominican Republic they have miniature donkey polo.
Miniature donkey polo! Now before any of you animal rights nerdfighters get mad at me let me quickly point out that miniature donkey polo is not inhumane. Witness for example: Chistopher Robin and Eeyore? Huh, huh? Getting ridden by Christopher Robin was the only thing that ever made Eeyore happy. Add to the long list of things I thought I would never say but ended up saying on Brotherhood 2.0 "ridden by Christopher Robin." Anyway Hank, I've spent the last six weeks looking forward to miniature donkey polo and then I called this morning because the miniature donkey polo was scheduled for six o'clock and they said that it had been cancelled due to heat. I don't wanna exploit the donkeys, but we're in the Dominican Republic. How can you cancel something due to heat? It's always hot here! So unfortunately our reunion is going to have to end without donkey polo.
Anyway Hank, it's been a great week, I've loved hanging out with you, it's been every bit as fun as the Growing Pains theme promised it would be. I think we've also micro finance and poverty and what life is really like in this country and I think we're looking forward to making those videos when we get back home to regular video equipment land. And really I think the only way this trip could have been better is if our grandparents hand been here and if Katherine had been here. I mean, without them it does feel a little bit like a family reuni instead of a family reunion. Anybody? Anybody? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Spelling jokes? Any one? No? OK. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
June 13: Dominican Debacles
Buenos dias, John, es Miercoles trece de Junio. Yo soy triste. Porque yo misplaced la fire wire cable. Yo tengo recordar el video usiendo la MacBook iSight camera. How do you say sh*t in Spanish? Kaka!
Anyway I had a bunch of stuff that I was gonna include in this video, but I can't because it's on the camera, and no matter how much I rub the video tape on the MacBook the video tape won't get inside the MacBook. It is pretty annoying and I am a little bit angry. It's been a very interesting day and the last part was not so much fun. But the beginning part was. You may have noticed that it is a Wednesday, and thus I have a song. Now, this may not be as cool as it would have been if I had had my footage, but it is still a song and it is very short so you won't have to sit through much of it anyways. It's about my family.
(sings) My family
Is getting crazy
27 today
With two more on the way
Bill and Fran and Mom and Dad
Mike Gillian, John, Sarah, Mike Nanny
Popa Thomas, Sanders, Charles,
Walker, Rachel, Charles, Allie, Braxton, Mary
Christian, Taylor and Katherine
Elizabeth, Grace, Katherine, Me.
And that's just on my mom's side.
(spoken) I hope that some of you enjoyed that, I didn't have my guitar so I got to use Garage Band for the first time to actually make the music, which was interesting to do, I dunno that I'm very good at it yet. I might be getting better. Especially because for next Wednesday I have a very exciting, at least to me, project that will utilize Garage Band heavily.
What John and I did today was extremely cool. Now it's been a little bit disturbing to be in the Dominican Republic just laying on the beach drinking Pina Coladas when we know that not very far away there are a lot of people in some very bad situations. And my dad was actually able to get us an opportunity to visit some of the people in those situations and it was really really awesome. It was just awesome to see what the Dominican Republic is actually like. Here in the hotel where my family is staying, it's just completely isolated from it. Just as isolated as the United States is. So we were very lucky to be invited into this village. And you are gonna get to see some of that, just not today.
We learned a very interesting thing from a very interesting man today. And that is that the people of Haiti are flooding across the border into the Dominican Republic because their situation is so much worse than the people here. At the same time the people of the Dominican Republic are flooding across the border into Puerto Rico, because the situation in Puerto Rico is so much better than the situation in the Dominican Republic. And then the people in Puerto Rico are flooding into the United States of America because the situation in the United States is so much better than the situation in Puerto Rico! And the people of the United States have been saying a lot of really nice things about the Netherlands lately. Toobias? Here we come!
Let's go find John. John?
John: Yes?
I can see you right now.
Anyway I had a bunch of stuff that I was gonna include in this video, but I can't because it's on the camera, and no matter how much I rub the video tape on the MacBook the video tape won't get inside the MacBook. It is pretty annoying and I am a little bit angry. It's been a very interesting day and the last part was not so much fun. But the beginning part was. You may have noticed that it is a Wednesday, and thus I have a song. Now, this may not be as cool as it would have been if I had had my footage, but it is still a song and it is very short so you won't have to sit through much of it anyways. It's about my family.
(sings) My family
Is getting crazy
27 today
With two more on the way
Bill and Fran and Mom and Dad
Mike Gillian, John, Sarah, Mike Nanny
Popa Thomas, Sanders, Charles,
Walker, Rachel, Charles, Allie, Braxton, Mary
Christian, Taylor and Katherine
Elizabeth, Grace, Katherine, Me.
And that's just on my mom's side.
(spoken) I hope that some of you enjoyed that, I didn't have my guitar so I got to use Garage Band for the first time to actually make the music, which was interesting to do, I dunno that I'm very good at it yet. I might be getting better. Especially because for next Wednesday I have a very exciting, at least to me, project that will utilize Garage Band heavily.
What John and I did today was extremely cool. Now it's been a little bit disturbing to be in the Dominican Republic just laying on the beach drinking Pina Coladas when we know that not very far away there are a lot of people in some very bad situations. And my dad was actually able to get us an opportunity to visit some of the people in those situations and it was really really awesome. It was just awesome to see what the Dominican Republic is actually like. Here in the hotel where my family is staying, it's just completely isolated from it. Just as isolated as the United States is. So we were very lucky to be invited into this village. And you are gonna get to see some of that, just not today.
We learned a very interesting thing from a very interesting man today. And that is that the people of Haiti are flooding across the border into the Dominican Republic because their situation is so much worse than the people here. At the same time the people of the Dominican Republic are flooding across the border into Puerto Rico, because the situation in Puerto Rico is so much better than the situation in the Dominican Republic. And then the people in Puerto Rico are flooding into the United States of America because the situation in the United States is so much better than the situation in Puerto Rico! And the people of the United States have been saying a lot of really nice things about the Netherlands lately. Toobias? Here we come!
Let's go find John. John?
John: Yes?
I can see you right now.
June 12th: Hank Green "In the Wild"
Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday, June 12th. Or, should I say good morning Nerdfighters, since Hank is just right down at the beach and I could go talk to him if I wanted to.
So, good morning, Nerdfighters! It's Tuesday, June 12th! For today's video I thought I would take the rare opportunity of actually being in the same place as Hank to observe what Hank is like when he's not filming Brotherhood 2.0. In essence I wanted to capture for you what Hank Green is like in the wild. Think of me as your one man Hank Green paparazzi team.
It turns out that Hank is exactly like we'd expect him to be in a lot of ways: (Hank eating) He enjoys his breakfast, (Hank reading) he likes reading magazines, (Hank walking) and he enjoys walking along the beach at sunset and looking, you know, wistful.
But there is one important way that Hank is different from what we might expect. And it's this: (Hank napping) Hank Green loves to sleep. I haven't seen someone sleep this much since the last time I hung out with a three day old! So I'll say, Hey Hank, do you wanna go to the beach? And he'll say, (Hank napping). And then I'll say, hey Hank, do you wanna go play tennis? I hear they have tennis courts. And the he'll say (Hank in bed). And then I'll say hey Hank do you wanna go fishing in the ocean? And he'll say (Hank napping on boat) All right, but only if I get to sleep on the boat. I think that we have to consider the possibility that The Weather Channel is doing sleep deprivation tests on Hank.
So anyway, Nerdfighters, I had a great day surreptitiously filming Hank, and then finally at the end of the day, he caught me.
Hank: is that a video?
John: Well I'm doing an anthropological study of what Hank Green is like when he's not filming Brotherhood 2.0 videos.
Hank: That's a good idea. Umm, I was gonna go pee.
John: I -I'll go with you (a door) How's it going? Hank? When Hank Green pees is it like other people peeing? (door opens) Hank how was it? Your fans want answers. What is Hank Green peeing like?
Hank: Apparently a lot like me- uh.
Woman (off camera): What are you guys doing?
Hank: John's filming my every move.
Woman: (laughs)
John: What's it like when Hank Green pees? (Hank moves to avoid camera) Ohh-haha I'm fast! Hahaha I'm still on you! Oh, that's Hank Green putting his head in a pillow. (Hank throws pillow)
John: Hank, I'll see you very shortly down at the beach, and you'll see me whenever you wake up from your nap.
So, good morning, Nerdfighters! It's Tuesday, June 12th! For today's video I thought I would take the rare opportunity of actually being in the same place as Hank to observe what Hank is like when he's not filming Brotherhood 2.0. In essence I wanted to capture for you what Hank Green is like in the wild. Think of me as your one man Hank Green paparazzi team.
It turns out that Hank is exactly like we'd expect him to be in a lot of ways: (Hank eating) He enjoys his breakfast, (Hank reading) he likes reading magazines, (Hank walking) and he enjoys walking along the beach at sunset and looking, you know, wistful.
But there is one important way that Hank is different from what we might expect. And it's this: (Hank napping) Hank Green loves to sleep. I haven't seen someone sleep this much since the last time I hung out with a three day old! So I'll say, Hey Hank, do you wanna go to the beach? And he'll say, (Hank napping). And then I'll say, hey Hank, do you wanna go play tennis? I hear they have tennis courts. And the he'll say (Hank in bed). And then I'll say hey Hank do you wanna go fishing in the ocean? And he'll say (Hank napping on boat) All right, but only if I get to sleep on the boat. I think that we have to consider the possibility that The Weather Channel is doing sleep deprivation tests on Hank.
So anyway, Nerdfighters, I had a great day surreptitiously filming Hank, and then finally at the end of the day, he caught me.
Hank: is that a video?
John: Well I'm doing an anthropological study of what Hank Green is like when he's not filming Brotherhood 2.0 videos.
Hank: That's a good idea. Umm, I was gonna go pee.
John: I -I'll go with you (a door) How's it going? Hank? When Hank Green pees is it like other people peeing? (door opens) Hank how was it? Your fans want answers. What is Hank Green peeing like?
Hank: Apparently a lot like me- uh.
Woman (off camera): What are you guys doing?
Hank: John's filming my every move.
Woman: (laughs)
John: What's it like when Hank Green pees? (Hank moves to avoid camera) Ohh-haha I'm fast! Hahaha I'm still on you! Oh, that's Hank Green putting his head in a pillow. (Hank throws pillow)
John: Hank, I'll see you very shortly down at the beach, and you'll see me whenever you wake up from your nap.
June 11: SURPRISE
(on beach) Good morning John, it's Monday, June 11th.
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
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