(plays guitar) Good morning John, it's Thursday, July 26th. And hello to our new viewers! Welcome. This is Brotherhood 2.0. (lunchbox on head) Sometimes we put stuff on our heads. (zips closed over face) (coughs) It smelled funny in there. It's been a little bit difficult for me to stop doing my happy dance lately. I'm out, at the store, and I'm doing my happy dance. I'm walking down the street and I'm doing my happy dance. I'm in the shower and I'm doing my happy dance even though it's really dangerous because there's no traction in my tub. And that could really- it could- it could turn bad. It could turn bad. For those of you who've never seen it, I just did my happy dance a little while ago and I caught it on camera so here it is. (Happy dances)
It's excellent aerobic exercise. I think that everybody knows why I've been doing my happy dance. But if not, just go onto the front page of YouTube and on there you will see me. Looking. Out. From the front page of YouTube from a little square. Aksio akio ashio assio oshkosh bigokio Deathly Hallows has been featured on the front page of YouTube! And it's been watched over 200 thousand times! 200 thousand times!
Now I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking Hank, it's really great that you were featured on the front page of YouTube. I'm- I'm happy for you. But what is the price of YouTube fame? The price is that for every 100 views your video gets there will be one comment. And when there aren't very many comments you can take them each individually and they seem lovely. And occasionally annoying. But when there are 2000 of them they start to take shape and it's a shape kind of like this (bell curve) and while this nice bell curve at the top you have lots of people being very nice you also have these two extremes. In which people are either being way too mean, or way too nice.
A sample of a comment from each section would be something like this. (starting at mean side of bell curve, moving to nice) You have: Yr Gay, Yr Gay, But yr funny, Cool video, Laughing my ass off, yr a fricken genius!, and please let me have your babies. The strange this is that when you have a big sample like this every person sees it very differently. For example your mom will see this (graph with only Cool Video Well Done :-) and LMAO, Yr a GENIUS) Whereas your wife will see this (graph with only pleaaaese let me have your babies) and you, yourself, will see this (graph with only Yr Gay and Yr Gay, But that was Funny). So in the end it becomes kind of a very stressful thing. It feels like half the people are saying you're gay, and half the people want you to have their babies. I imagine I don't have to point at the irony here. But in either case your wife is upset! But I've been able to temper it. I've been able to see that most people are just being very nice and supportive. If I can just shave off the people who either want to be my girlfriend or want me to get a girlfriend, then I can just- I can be happy.
And when they're not saying that I pronounced Accio or Akio wrong, which fine, I did, it's nice. It's pleasant. The people are very cool. Ahem, the people are very jokes. Um, yes, I do think that it would be jokes if we used the word jokes instead of jokes whenever we said jokes. I mean, I think it would be cool if we said the word jokes instead of cool every time we said the word cool.
John I'm glad you're feeling better and I will see you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label The Katherine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Katherine. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 10
Tuesday, November 9
July 24: More Harry Potter?!
Good morning John, it's Tuesday July 24th. There hasn't been very much interesting happening in my life for the last three days because almost every hour of it has been taken up either sleeping or reading Harry Potter. I didn't know when the book was gonna come in the mail. The UPS guy got there at like nine o'clock in the morning which was pretty vital. Because it was important to have as much reading time as possible that day. Katherine opened the box and then I took the book out of the box, and then there was a long silence in which I held the book tightly and Katherine looked directly into my eyes. I thought it might turn ugly. But in the end we found a solution. We decided to read it together so as to avoid that particular conflict.
It may not have been the most efficient way to read Harry Potter, in fact it took a strangely long amount of time for a Harry Potter book. But we finished and it was amazing. And it was really kinda nice to be able to share that with Katherine. The whole experience of it. As sappy as that sounds.
I've written a letter.
Dear Nerdfighters who do not care about Harry Potter,
I'm sorry. I'm going to keep talking about Harry Potter now.
You know there's a solution of the problem of not caring about Harry Potter. Read Harry Potter. And then you'll be part of the club. And you won't find it annoying when I talk about Harry Potter for an entire video. Again.
(image of bag) Oh my gosh, look! It's a canvas sewn Nerdfighter bag!
John when the New York Times contacted you about you being one of a bunch of people that they ask a question to about Harry Potter I think that they expected a perspective of a young adult writer. So when you passed them my name, I'm not sure what they expected to get. But in any case, I am kind of contributing to the New York Times! 200 words on why I think Harry Potter is so special. And really, that's a very good question. It would have been easy for the Harry Potter books to be just, you know, another kids' book fantasy adventure. But it is not just another kids' book fantasy adventure. There's something very different going on here. This is like the biggest thing that's ever happened in publishing since, like, The Bible. I very much enjoyed attempting to answer that question.
In the spirit of being a kind of sort of New York Times contributer, I would like to invite the Nerdfighters into My Pants to come and give their opinion on why they think that Harry Potter is such a gigantic phenomenon. Additionally I would like to suggest that we make this a tradition. Tuesdays are question days. Every Tuesday one of us asks a question of the Nerdfighters. Like, if you were a crayon what color would you most like to make out with? You guys can go ahead and answer that one too.
John, I'm sorry that your innards are all tickly. I really wish you had bought that Mountain Dew sign. It was amazing. But I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon and I'll see you and hopefully your green hair, tomorrow.
It may not have been the most efficient way to read Harry Potter, in fact it took a strangely long amount of time for a Harry Potter book. But we finished and it was amazing. And it was really kinda nice to be able to share that with Katherine. The whole experience of it. As sappy as that sounds.
I've written a letter.
Dear Nerdfighters who do not care about Harry Potter,
I'm sorry. I'm going to keep talking about Harry Potter now.
You know there's a solution of the problem of not caring about Harry Potter. Read Harry Potter. And then you'll be part of the club. And you won't find it annoying when I talk about Harry Potter for an entire video. Again.
(image of bag) Oh my gosh, look! It's a canvas sewn Nerdfighter bag!
John when the New York Times contacted you about you being one of a bunch of people that they ask a question to about Harry Potter I think that they expected a perspective of a young adult writer. So when you passed them my name, I'm not sure what they expected to get. But in any case, I am kind of contributing to the New York Times! 200 words on why I think Harry Potter is so special. And really, that's a very good question. It would have been easy for the Harry Potter books to be just, you know, another kids' book fantasy adventure. But it is not just another kids' book fantasy adventure. There's something very different going on here. This is like the biggest thing that's ever happened in publishing since, like, The Bible. I very much enjoyed attempting to answer that question.
In the spirit of being a kind of sort of New York Times contributer, I would like to invite the Nerdfighters into My Pants to come and give their opinion on why they think that Harry Potter is such a gigantic phenomenon. Additionally I would like to suggest that we make this a tradition. Tuesdays are question days. Every Tuesday one of us asks a question of the Nerdfighters. Like, if you were a crayon what color would you most like to make out with? You guys can go ahead and answer that one too.
John, I'm sorry that your innards are all tickly. I really wish you had bought that Mountain Dew sign. It was amazing. But I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon and I'll see you and hopefully your green hair, tomorrow.
July 20: Green Mohawk
(has gelled mohawk) Good morning John, it's Friday, June 20th. And I have a mohawk. A big fake mohawk. And I have some spray can paint! (sprays) Ow, my eyes are burning. What the hell? It's like, hair paint mixed with mace. (sprays) It's pretty green, huh? OK, now, for real: Punishment complete. I dressed up like a freaking Goth and then I spray painted a faux hawk green.
I got- I've got all of Muggle kind under your spell.
Now that my punishment is complete, on to more important business. The most important business for the day, I think, has to do with the fact that my chair will, in fact, spin on its own at a certain speed as long as I am sitting on it. And I think that maybe I might have discovered some kind of perpetual motion machine, and I should probably be seeking some kind of patent. What is this? Like, the weight of my body on my chair makes it spin.
OK, actually the most important piece of business for the day is that people liked my Harry Potter song a lot. The truth of the matter is that I like it a lot too. I actually find myself singing it quite a lot, which feels kind of funny. I also, sometimes, sing it in different styles.
(sings country) I'm gettin' kinda tired of this
prepublication media blitz.I got- I've got all of Muggle kind under your spell.
(raps) Don't you know the whole world's already gone
and reserved a copy at Amazon?(nerdy singing) How many more books do they expect to sell?
(Hard rock) Just give me my book or go to hell!
(spoken) Just, in general, ah, yeah I- I- I like the song quite a bit as well. Uh, can't take all the credit. Katherine helped me write it. We sat on the porch and I played, and I'd be like, God, nothing in the world rhymes with bell! And Katherine'd be like, um, spell is a good word for a song about Harry Potter. And I'd be like, yeah, spell. So a bit of a group effort. Also, Lizzy from the Leaky Cauldron, who helped to spread the word about the video. And everyone who rated the video high! That's amazing! And everyone who favorited it, that's also amazing. I right now have the number five top rated song on YouTube, which is kind of like a dream come true.
I have a small understanding of what it would be like to be a small time rock star. That is how I'm feeling right now. Which is sort of an amazing feeling. But it could be better, so please, everyone do what you will with this song. It's only kind of good until tomorrow WHEN THE BOOK COMES OUT! So you know, it probably be good to get as many people listening to it as possible in, uh, the next twelve hours.
Please, do what you can to avoid spoilers! They've been popping up all over the place, and we're doing our best to prevent them from being anywhere near Brotherhood 2.0 but we can't watch everything all at once. So just close you're eyes as fast as you can whenever you see anything about Harry Potter. I put a link to an mp3 of the file, uh, below (points) right there, if you're on Brotherhood2.com. Otherwise you can go to Brotherhood2.com and it will be there.
I am really glad that everyone liked it so much. It's really good to have people saying such nice things they may change their mind now that they see my green mohawk, but none the less, um, thank you all very much. By this time tomorrow those of us who care will have copies of Deathly Hallows, and I won't expect to be hearing from any of you, ah, but John I will see you on Monday.
Monday, November 8
July 16: Goth
Good morning John, it's Monday, July 16th (holds up Goth picture). OK, I need to recreate this photograph so first thing's first: I need to shave. Different chins. Very different chins. (Fully shaved) That's better. I can't find any eyeliner or lipstick, especially no lipstick that color, so I think I'm gonna have to go out and try and find some. Though I'm not entirely sure where one buys lipstick.
I have good news. I found eyeliner and lipstick in Katherine's little bag, and hopefully she won't mind me using them. But she's not here to ask. But I don't want to wait until she gets home to do this. Is that similar colors there? Hmm, it's about the same color. Uh, it is so strange how difficult this is. I feel really weird. A-About this. (Eurythmics Sweet Dreams plays as he applies lipstick) Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Hank, that's not nearly dark enough (adds eyeliner as lip liner) (Applies eyeliner) My goodness do I look funny! We must now continue to recreate this photograph. Now for the final pose we're going to have to move the camera, so here goes nothing.
(lights lighter) So here I am in the basement. Umm, it's dark, it feels kind of Gothy. Not really Gothic. At all, but Gothy. There's definitely a flash when this picture was taken so, um, I'm not sure how I'm gonna recreate that effect, but we'll figure it out.
(Adjusting hair with bright light on) And there- that way. My right hand is out and limp. (does pose, cuts back and forth to photo) Success! (Beatboxes) I think that I should take some time to reflect about what I've done today. And how it's made me feel. Mostly it's strange how weird it was to actually be doing the lipstick thing because that was like, this is a girl thing. I can't do the girl thing I'm a boy. Then the eyeliner after getting over the whole, like, poking myself in the face thing, uh was fun. I liked kinda- I kinda liked doing that. I sang a little bit. John I will see you in your extremely embarrassing picture tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (applying eyeliner and whistling)
(sings) just doin my make up here on the floor in the living room.
Hope the mail lady doesn't come by,
cause she'll see me doin my make up.
And she'll think I'm a pretty weird guy.
(spoken) I am a pretty weird guy.
(in basement) (sings and dances) My Hump, my hump my hump my hump!
I have good news. I found eyeliner and lipstick in Katherine's little bag, and hopefully she won't mind me using them. But she's not here to ask. But I don't want to wait until she gets home to do this. Is that similar colors there? Hmm, it's about the same color. Uh, it is so strange how difficult this is. I feel really weird. A-About this. (Eurythmics Sweet Dreams plays as he applies lipstick) Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Hank, that's not nearly dark enough (adds eyeliner as lip liner) (Applies eyeliner) My goodness do I look funny! We must now continue to recreate this photograph. Now for the final pose we're going to have to move the camera, so here goes nothing.
(lights lighter) So here I am in the basement. Umm, it's dark, it feels kind of Gothy. Not really Gothic. At all, but Gothy. There's definitely a flash when this picture was taken so, um, I'm not sure how I'm gonna recreate that effect, but we'll figure it out.
(Adjusting hair with bright light on) And there- that way. My right hand is out and limp. (does pose, cuts back and forth to photo) Success! (Beatboxes) I think that I should take some time to reflect about what I've done today. And how it's made me feel. Mostly it's strange how weird it was to actually be doing the lipstick thing because that was like, this is a girl thing. I can't do the girl thing I'm a boy. Then the eyeliner after getting over the whole, like, poking myself in the face thing, uh was fun. I liked kinda- I kinda liked doing that. I sang a little bit. John I will see you in your extremely embarrassing picture tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) (applying eyeliner and whistling)
(sings) just doin my make up here on the floor in the living room.
Hope the mail lady doesn't come by,
cause she'll see me doin my make up.
And she'll think I'm a pretty weird guy.
(spoken) I am a pretty weird guy.
(in basement) (sings and dances) My Hump, my hump my hump my hump!
Sunday, November 7
July 12: Pizza, Punishments and Potter
(image of salad) Oooh, aaah. Good morning John, it's Thursday, July 12th. I'm in a pizza restaurant. Pretty much completely alone, except for Katherine. Who's here because she just got back from her work trip and I'm really glad to see her. And I would like to spend all of my time with her, but I can't because I have to make a video. So instead I'm making a video while I'm spending time with her at a pizza restaurant. This is definitely the deliciousest pizza restaurant in Missoula. Deliciousest. Wooo my pizza. They make pretty good money here. Good news is that we're the only people here because it's like, 2:30. Not really time for lunch. Except for the cooks and wait staff. But they kind of, um, work for me? Because I'm paying them money to do stuff? So they're aloud to be discouraged by my video taping.
(pizza) Mmm. Pizza. I still don't know what you want me to do for my punishment exactly, so I'm not gonna do it today. But you need to clear that up on Friday so that I can be sure that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not still punished after I finish my punishment. I like the green hair idea with the spray paint, but I don't think that that's suitably, uh, punishment. Cause, especially if it just washes out after a day. So, yeah, I think that it's a good challenge, a good fun time thing to do, but not necessarily uh- a punishment.
(Wal*Mart badges with Nerdfighters on them) Wow, I sure can't argue with Wal*Mart Nerdfighters.
(One slice) This is how much pizza is left. That is Katherine's piece, so I can't eat it. I- I would like to eat it. But we split it in half and that is not my piece. (reaches for it) Not. (Katherine smacks his hand away.
So guess what Katherine and I are about to go do? We're going to see Harry Potter! At the five o'clock matinee showing because that is the only time we go to see movies any more. Now, even in Missoula, a movie costs 8 dollars and 50 cents. Never ever go without a soda in your pocket because the sodas are like seven dollars for the little one. I'm getting very excited for all this Harry Potter madness. I'm having a hard time holding in my excitement for the book, which I think comes out in 12 days? 13 days? It's very soon. I hope that I don't have to do a video on that day because I won't be able to cause I will be reading Harry Potter.
But I just wanted to say that I think that a good challenge is just to wear out Nerdfighter shirts in public. Because people always look at me funny. And then sometimes they ask me but other times they just look at me and they kind of ask me with their eyes, plus then you get to, like, explain Brotherhood 2.0 to them. Maybe we should have business cards.
As for your punishment, people seem to be really excited about you doing that half naked dance with a golden bow-tie. Well, really, I mean, it's gonna be black and white so anything that looks like it could be a golden bow-tie. Just, put that on, and then you do that naked dance, for, you know, ten, fifteen seconds, maybe a little bit more than that, how bout 30 seconds? You don't have to show all of it, you can just pick the best parts, but I wanna see some good half naked dancing. I think that's what I wanna see you do for your punishments, me? Whatever you want, man.
OK, I'm almost home, so John I will see you tomorrow.
(pizza) Mmm. Pizza. I still don't know what you want me to do for my punishment exactly, so I'm not gonna do it today. But you need to clear that up on Friday so that I can be sure that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not still punished after I finish my punishment. I like the green hair idea with the spray paint, but I don't think that that's suitably, uh, punishment. Cause, especially if it just washes out after a day. So, yeah, I think that it's a good challenge, a good fun time thing to do, but not necessarily uh- a punishment.
(Wal*Mart badges with Nerdfighters on them) Wow, I sure can't argue with Wal*Mart Nerdfighters.
(One slice) This is how much pizza is left. That is Katherine's piece, so I can't eat it. I- I would like to eat it. But we split it in half and that is not my piece. (reaches for it) Not. (Katherine smacks his hand away.
So guess what Katherine and I are about to go do? We're going to see Harry Potter! At the five o'clock matinee showing because that is the only time we go to see movies any more. Now, even in Missoula, a movie costs 8 dollars and 50 cents. Never ever go without a soda in your pocket because the sodas are like seven dollars for the little one. I'm getting very excited for all this Harry Potter madness. I'm having a hard time holding in my excitement for the book, which I think comes out in 12 days? 13 days? It's very soon. I hope that I don't have to do a video on that day because I won't be able to cause I will be reading Harry Potter.
But I just wanted to say that I think that a good challenge is just to wear out Nerdfighter shirts in public. Because people always look at me funny. And then sometimes they ask me but other times they just look at me and they kind of ask me with their eyes, plus then you get to, like, explain Brotherhood 2.0 to them. Maybe we should have business cards.
As for your punishment, people seem to be really excited about you doing that half naked dance with a golden bow-tie. Well, really, I mean, it's gonna be black and white so anything that looks like it could be a golden bow-tie. Just, put that on, and then you do that naked dance, for, you know, ten, fifteen seconds, maybe a little bit more than that, how bout 30 seconds? You don't have to show all of it, you can just pick the best parts, but I wanna see some good half naked dancing. I think that's what I wanna see you do for your punishments, me? Whatever you want, man.
OK, I'm almost home, so John I will see you tomorrow.
July 9: The Punishment Fiasco
Good morning Hank it's Monday, July 9th. Welcome to my guest bedroom. By the way for the last two weeks I've been giving you a tour of my house. Have you noticed? Hank over the last few days several commenters and also some people in My Pants have said that you and I, uh, textually communicated on purpose because we miss getting punished. Would that it were so. The fact of the matter is that we're just really stupid. I mean, I don't think you're that stupid, I think that you were probably doing six at once and just happened to textually communicate with me. I think that I'm stupid. I don't enjoy punishments, although I do enjoy you getting punished.
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
Friday, November 5
June 15: AIRRRRPORRRTS!!!
Good morning John, it's Friday June 15th. I'm really sorry about this iSght camera, headset, jiggling MacBook around. In terms of video quality this is pretty horrible. But at least I have the divine light of God (gestures at bright light shining on his hands) flowing from my hands. Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!
John, coming to see you was probably worth this, but only just. I hate flying on airplanes, and living in Montana doesn't make this any easier. I woke up at around six o'clock in the morning to get in a cab this morning, and I will arrive home at one o'clock in the morning. Dominican Republic time. What I want to be doing right now is sleeping, but instead I am sitting at the base of a column of light. With people staring at me. Because they obviously think that I am really weird. But I'm just gonna do it, because my plane will arrive in Missoula after the deadline. And I must continue the Brotherhood!
So that's enough complaining. John, I think we're starting to realized that there might be long spaces of time between when we get to see each other. While that, I guess, is normal in this day in age, it's not comfortable. And it sucks. Especially when there's an Evil Baby Orphanage to create. Nerdfighters will be excited to hear that John and I were able to work on the Evil Baby Orphanage while on our family vacation. And, I can tell you one thing for sure the idea is not getting any less awesome. But of course being able to discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage was only one of the many benefits of having some non-textual but also non-video blog communication going on between the brothers.
Brotherhood 2.0 ma- became a little bit redundant for that week, but it helped highlight the difference between textual communication and video blog communication and face-to-face communication and that kinda stuff is really, I guess, what this project is about. What I realize is neither of us are really quite ourselves over instant messenger, or even over the video blogs. But we can't not be ourselves face-to-face. And it helped remind me what kinda guy you really are. And also how totally crazy you can be sometimes. I mean, I was excited about the idea of donkey polo mostly just because I think it's absolutely ridiculous. But I can't say I understand your supreme disappointment. I think that heat is a fine reason to cancel miniature donkey polo. Can you think of anything more sad than a miniature donkey overheating? That would be horrible.
But aside from your occasional bouts of high stress insanity, you're a pretty amazing brother, and a pretty amazing guy. And I'm really happy to be your brother. I hope you're having a good time on your last day in the DR, I wish I was still there with you. A lot. Except that I really kind of want to be home right now more than anything else in the world. Katherine is actually going to see this video before she sees me. Which is a little- strange. I love you baby, I'll see you soon! And John, I will see you on Monday.
John, coming to see you was probably worth this, but only just. I hate flying on airplanes, and living in Montana doesn't make this any easier. I woke up at around six o'clock in the morning to get in a cab this morning, and I will arrive home at one o'clock in the morning. Dominican Republic time. What I want to be doing right now is sleeping, but instead I am sitting at the base of a column of light. With people staring at me. Because they obviously think that I am really weird. But I'm just gonna do it, because my plane will arrive in Missoula after the deadline. And I must continue the Brotherhood!
So that's enough complaining. John, I think we're starting to realized that there might be long spaces of time between when we get to see each other. While that, I guess, is normal in this day in age, it's not comfortable. And it sucks. Especially when there's an Evil Baby Orphanage to create. Nerdfighters will be excited to hear that John and I were able to work on the Evil Baby Orphanage while on our family vacation. And, I can tell you one thing for sure the idea is not getting any less awesome. But of course being able to discuss the Evil Baby Orphanage was only one of the many benefits of having some non-textual but also non-video blog communication going on between the brothers.
Brotherhood 2.0 ma- became a little bit redundant for that week, but it helped highlight the difference between textual communication and video blog communication and face-to-face communication and that kinda stuff is really, I guess, what this project is about. What I realize is neither of us are really quite ourselves over instant messenger, or even over the video blogs. But we can't not be ourselves face-to-face. And it helped remind me what kinda guy you really are. And also how totally crazy you can be sometimes. I mean, I was excited about the idea of donkey polo mostly just because I think it's absolutely ridiculous. But I can't say I understand your supreme disappointment. I think that heat is a fine reason to cancel miniature donkey polo. Can you think of anything more sad than a miniature donkey overheating? That would be horrible.
But aside from your occasional bouts of high stress insanity, you're a pretty amazing brother, and a pretty amazing guy. And I'm really happy to be your brother. I hope you're having a good time on your last day in the DR, I wish I was still there with you. A lot. Except that I really kind of want to be home right now more than anything else in the world. Katherine is actually going to see this video before she sees me. Which is a little- strange. I love you baby, I'll see you soon! And John, I will see you on Monday.
Brotherhood 2.0: June 14: Good News/Bad News
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday I have good news and bad news.
First: the good news, (raises cord) Yes!! Thanks to about 35 thousand residents of the Dominican Republic we managed to get our silver magic cord that takes the ideas from inside the camera and puts them inside the computer. From the big city, which is like an hour and a half away, to the little city, which is here. YES!
And now the bad news, Hank, and I really can address this video to you because you went off to the beach or whatever to use the internet magic phone to talk to the Katherine, but anyway, we had been planning all week for an exciting Brotherhood 2 moment of hilarity. About six weeks ago my cousin Braxton called me and he said, John I have good news and I have great news. And I said, oh, well, let's start with the good news, and he said, my wife and I are going to have our first child. And I said, wow, that is really really good news, I can't imagine what the great news is. And then Braxton said, John, the great news is this: in the Dominican Republic they have miniature donkey polo.
Miniature donkey polo! Now before any of you animal rights nerdfighters get mad at me let me quickly point out that miniature donkey polo is not inhumane. Witness for example: Chistopher Robin and Eeyore? Huh, huh? Getting ridden by Christopher Robin was the only thing that ever made Eeyore happy. Add to the long list of things I thought I would never say but ended up saying on Brotherhood 2.0 "ridden by Christopher Robin." Anyway Hank, I've spent the last six weeks looking forward to miniature donkey polo and then I called this morning because the miniature donkey polo was scheduled for six o'clock and they said that it had been cancelled due to heat. I don't wanna exploit the donkeys, but we're in the Dominican Republic. How can you cancel something due to heat? It's always hot here! So unfortunately our reunion is going to have to end without donkey polo.
Anyway Hank, it's been a great week, I've loved hanging out with you, it's been every bit as fun as the Growing Pains theme promised it would be. I think we've also micro finance and poverty and what life is really like in this country and I think we're looking forward to making those videos when we get back home to regular video equipment land. And really I think the only way this trip could have been better is if our grandparents hand been here and if Katherine had been here. I mean, without them it does feel a little bit like a family reuni instead of a family reunion. Anybody? Anybody? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Spelling jokes? Any one? No? OK. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
First: the good news, (raises cord) Yes!! Thanks to about 35 thousand residents of the Dominican Republic we managed to get our silver magic cord that takes the ideas from inside the camera and puts them inside the computer. From the big city, which is like an hour and a half away, to the little city, which is here. YES!
And now the bad news, Hank, and I really can address this video to you because you went off to the beach or whatever to use the internet magic phone to talk to the Katherine, but anyway, we had been planning all week for an exciting Brotherhood 2 moment of hilarity. About six weeks ago my cousin Braxton called me and he said, John I have good news and I have great news. And I said, oh, well, let's start with the good news, and he said, my wife and I are going to have our first child. And I said, wow, that is really really good news, I can't imagine what the great news is. And then Braxton said, John, the great news is this: in the Dominican Republic they have miniature donkey polo.
Miniature donkey polo! Now before any of you animal rights nerdfighters get mad at me let me quickly point out that miniature donkey polo is not inhumane. Witness for example: Chistopher Robin and Eeyore? Huh, huh? Getting ridden by Christopher Robin was the only thing that ever made Eeyore happy. Add to the long list of things I thought I would never say but ended up saying on Brotherhood 2.0 "ridden by Christopher Robin." Anyway Hank, I've spent the last six weeks looking forward to miniature donkey polo and then I called this morning because the miniature donkey polo was scheduled for six o'clock and they said that it had been cancelled due to heat. I don't wanna exploit the donkeys, but we're in the Dominican Republic. How can you cancel something due to heat? It's always hot here! So unfortunately our reunion is going to have to end without donkey polo.
Anyway Hank, it's been a great week, I've loved hanging out with you, it's been every bit as fun as the Growing Pains theme promised it would be. I think we've also micro finance and poverty and what life is really like in this country and I think we're looking forward to making those videos when we get back home to regular video equipment land. And really I think the only way this trip could have been better is if our grandparents hand been here and if Katherine had been here. I mean, without them it does feel a little bit like a family reuni instead of a family reunion. Anybody? Anybody? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Spelling jokes? Any one? No? OK. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
June 11: SURPRISE
(on beach) Good morning John, it's Monday, June 11th.
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
Jun 5th: S-S-S-Somethin From the Forum
(on lake) Good morning John, it's Tuesday June 5th.
(at home) (sigh) That was nice. Katherine and I have some friends that have a cabin up on Seeley Lake. Which is a really nice place, and Katherine and I went there this week to hang out it was awesome. It was kinda weird though for Katherine. Because she was like the only not pregnant girl. Babies babies babies. To me it does not feel like baby time yet, but a lot of my friends are having baby time.
I'm worried that if I ever have a baby, it won't have any friends. Because all of the other babies will be so much older than him. I guess that's a pretty stupid fear. Unless every body stops having the capability of having babies, which I've read two books about lately and seen one movie, so maybe it's not that far fetched. Uh, having read those books and then seeing all these pregnant people, suddenly not so worried.
Speaking of books, I just read Feed in my pants and every body was right, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia brain. Idon'twantwikipediainmybrain. I don't want a wikipedia brain. Don't want a wikipedia in my brain oh my God. I found that book to be entirely terrifying. The future could be bad. Well done, good book, though it really made me a little bit more pessimistic about society and that's not necessarily something that I want. But it's really important that we recognize that these kinds of things are issues, and that we live in a very strange society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you go buy Feed, by M. T. Anderson, it was very good.
I got an email today from The Weather Channel. They would like to interview me for a new show on global warming. It's not the kind of thing that I really expect people to watch. Stupid! There's always something on. I just wanna know what the weather is! This stupid kid's talking! That's kind of what I expect people to be saying while I'm talking. Still very cool.
You may have noticed that today's video is a little late. That is becaaaause I made a foruuuuuuuum! It took me a while. So I've been doing that all day, and a lot of last night, oh boy John, your challenges. Sometimes they wipe me out. And it's linked to, on the side bar. Or you can just go straight to the forum which is at brotherhood2.com/mypants . So when there's a discussion in the comments, or -or maybe one of us is starting a discussion in video format we can say things like, we'll continue this discussion of John McCain in my pants. Then you're not sure if the discussion is gonna happen in your pants, or if you're discussing John McCain in my pants, or if you're discussing John McCain who is in my pants, or if we're just discussing it in the forum, which is called My Pants.
It was one of my more brilliant ideas, and between you and me that is saying something. You will have to register, although that'll probably take you like 15 seconds. It's gonna replace the comments, it'll be in addition to the comments. And you don't have to go over there if you don't want to, but I'm fairly sure that some interesting things will be going on. There's already a couple of discussion threads there. One in which I discuss John McCain and lamented my saying what I said, and how I'm never actually going to vote for John McCain. Sometimes you just like to make your older brother mad at you. Poke poke poke poke. But there is also a thread about what to include in the forum. There are several sections, and several forums within sections and if you think that there should be a section or a forum, please suggest it so that I can create it. And I'm very glad to have that done with. Now I am going to go eat dinner, and it's gonna be great. I will see you tomorrow.
(at home) (sigh) That was nice. Katherine and I have some friends that have a cabin up on Seeley Lake. Which is a really nice place, and Katherine and I went there this week to hang out it was awesome. It was kinda weird though for Katherine. Because she was like the only not pregnant girl. Babies babies babies. To me it does not feel like baby time yet, but a lot of my friends are having baby time.
I'm worried that if I ever have a baby, it won't have any friends. Because all of the other babies will be so much older than him. I guess that's a pretty stupid fear. Unless every body stops having the capability of having babies, which I've read two books about lately and seen one movie, so maybe it's not that far fetched. Uh, having read those books and then seeing all these pregnant people, suddenly not so worried.
Speaking of books, I just read Feed in my pants and every body was right, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia brain. Idon'twantwikipediainmybrain. I don't want a wikipedia brain. Don't want a wikipedia in my brain oh my God. I found that book to be entirely terrifying. The future could be bad. Well done, good book, though it really made me a little bit more pessimistic about society and that's not necessarily something that I want. But it's really important that we recognize that these kinds of things are issues, and that we live in a very strange society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you go buy Feed, by M. T. Anderson, it was very good.
I got an email today from The Weather Channel. They would like to interview me for a new show on global warming. It's not the kind of thing that I really expect people to watch. Stupid! There's always something on. I just wanna know what the weather is! This stupid kid's talking! That's kind of what I expect people to be saying while I'm talking. Still very cool.
You may have noticed that today's video is a little late. That is becaaaause I made a foruuuuuuuum! It took me a while. So I've been doing that all day, and a lot of last night, oh boy John, your challenges. Sometimes they wipe me out. And it's linked to, on the side bar. Or you can just go straight to the forum which is at brotherhood2.com/mypants . So when there's a discussion in the comments, or -or maybe one of us is starting a discussion in video format we can say things like, we'll continue this discussion of John McCain in my pants. Then you're not sure if the discussion is gonna happen in your pants, or if you're discussing John McCain in my pants, or if you're discussing John McCain who is in my pants, or if we're just discussing it in the forum, which is called My Pants.
It was one of my more brilliant ideas, and between you and me that is saying something. You will have to register, although that'll probably take you like 15 seconds. It's gonna replace the comments, it'll be in addition to the comments. And you don't have to go over there if you don't want to, but I'm fairly sure that some interesting things will be going on. There's already a couple of discussion threads there. One in which I discuss John McCain and lamented my saying what I said, and how I'm never actually going to vote for John McCain. Sometimes you just like to make your older brother mad at you. Poke poke poke poke. But there is also a thread about what to include in the forum. There are several sections, and several forums within sections and if you think that there should be a section or a forum, please suggest it so that I can create it. And I'm very glad to have that done with. Now I am going to go eat dinner, and it's gonna be great. I will see you tomorrow.
Thursday, November 4
May 21st: Comment Bashing, Anniversaries and EBO Ladies
Good morning, John, it's Monday, May 21st and I've got all kinds of news!
First: Katherine is at work, which is weird, because she hasn't been at work in a long time, and I'm all alone in the house all day. Second: You've been married for an entire year! (party blowers) There will be more on that tomorrow. Also, I recently made a video for EcoGeek in which I discussed this silly NASA project that was like a flapping bird plane. I thought it was kinda silly so I made a kinda silly video. Very exciting, the video and story got picked up on Digg and then Gizmodo picked it up and then I started reading the comments and then I realized that everyone was being really mean to me.
Excerpts from the comments:
Interesting: 10 of 10. Informative: 4 of 10. Annoying: 11 of 10.
Dear EcoGeek, you are not ZeFrank. Please stop trying to be.
I want those bird things to be fitted with razor sharp talons, sent to that geek's house and make him pay for that voice over.
Someone please do him the favor of just killing him.
(acts like crying) They're so mean! Why are they all so mean? I mean, what did I ever do to them? Put some razor sharp talons on- show you- not ZeFrank- gonna talon you. To death. Aahh! I wanna go have some chocolate or something. (eats chocolate) I mean, congratulations to me, for having my face all up on Gizmodo, now everybody has to be really mean to me because they're jealous. They're jealous and they don't understand my craft. They're not ready for me yet. They're not ready for what I do. The world isn't ready yet. Give the world a couple more days, and then I'll come back, and they'll understand what I'm trying to do.
Anyway I have good news. There's a new Yahoo site, at Green.Yahoo.com and among content from really amazing famous environmentalists: uhh, NRDC, Amory Lovins, Tree Hugger's got some content on there, World Changing, there is prime featured EcoGeek content. We've been working on this deal for a long time and I haven't been able to talk about it. I wanted to say something to you but I couldn't say anything because it was really secret and I was worried that it wasn't gonna work out. It did work out. It's running and it's up and I'm getting traffic. And it's just really freakin awesome that I am writing, kind of, for Yahoo. And they are sending me lots of Yahoo traffic. So that's some super fricken duper news.
Additionally I, of course, have a couple of things to say about the Evil Baby Orphanage. First: I worry a little bit about discussing the proposal in a public forum. For me one of the biggest thrills of experiencing a book or a movie or a television show are the secrets. You have to put together the pieces of the puzzle slowly to build the picture, and- and we're going to be starting in this proposal, I think, with a fairly complete picture. But I don't want everybody to see that picture first. I wanna- I wanna hide that picture. I'm not- I'm afraid of people seeing that picture. The text based communication thing does make it harder, uhh, to do this, but I think we can. I just don't know how. So here's a start: I'm gonna discuss an issue that I have with this idea without going into plot details. The issue: there aren't very many evil baby girls. Uh oh. It would be interesting for it to be a- a gay Evil Baby Orphanage, with lots of gay evil babies. Obviously many evil people in history have been repressed homosexuals, so that could be a direction that we might go, however, I don't really think that I wanna go there. I want there to be female characters, I want there to be female leads, I want there to be, uh, hot chicks in the Evil Baby Orphanage. We need to figure out where an evil female baby would come from. I mean obviously that tension could be there, like there might be three boys for every girl. There has to be at least that one girl. So I think we need to know where the love interests are gonna be, and how to include some female evil babies. I will see ya tomorrow.
First: Katherine is at work, which is weird, because she hasn't been at work in a long time, and I'm all alone in the house all day. Second: You've been married for an entire year! (party blowers) There will be more on that tomorrow. Also, I recently made a video for EcoGeek in which I discussed this silly NASA project that was like a flapping bird plane. I thought it was kinda silly so I made a kinda silly video. Very exciting, the video and story got picked up on Digg and then Gizmodo picked it up and then I started reading the comments and then I realized that everyone was being really mean to me.
Excerpts from the comments:
Interesting: 10 of 10. Informative: 4 of 10. Annoying: 11 of 10.
Dear EcoGeek, you are not ZeFrank. Please stop trying to be.
I want those bird things to be fitted with razor sharp talons, sent to that geek's house and make him pay for that voice over.
Someone please do him the favor of just killing him.
(acts like crying) They're so mean! Why are they all so mean? I mean, what did I ever do to them? Put some razor sharp talons on- show you- not ZeFrank- gonna talon you. To death. Aahh! I wanna go have some chocolate or something. (eats chocolate) I mean, congratulations to me, for having my face all up on Gizmodo, now everybody has to be really mean to me because they're jealous. They're jealous and they don't understand my craft. They're not ready for me yet. They're not ready for what I do. The world isn't ready yet. Give the world a couple more days, and then I'll come back, and they'll understand what I'm trying to do.
Anyway I have good news. There's a new Yahoo site, at Green.Yahoo.com and among content from really amazing famous environmentalists: uhh, NRDC, Amory Lovins, Tree Hugger's got some content on there, World Changing, there is prime featured EcoGeek content. We've been working on this deal for a long time and I haven't been able to talk about it. I wanted to say something to you but I couldn't say anything because it was really secret and I was worried that it wasn't gonna work out. It did work out. It's running and it's up and I'm getting traffic. And it's just really freakin awesome that I am writing, kind of, for Yahoo. And they are sending me lots of Yahoo traffic. So that's some super fricken duper news.
Additionally I, of course, have a couple of things to say about the Evil Baby Orphanage. First: I worry a little bit about discussing the proposal in a public forum. For me one of the biggest thrills of experiencing a book or a movie or a television show are the secrets. You have to put together the pieces of the puzzle slowly to build the picture, and- and we're going to be starting in this proposal, I think, with a fairly complete picture. But I don't want everybody to see that picture first. I wanna- I wanna hide that picture. I'm not- I'm afraid of people seeing that picture. The text based communication thing does make it harder, uhh, to do this, but I think we can. I just don't know how. So here's a start: I'm gonna discuss an issue that I have with this idea without going into plot details. The issue: there aren't very many evil baby girls. Uh oh. It would be interesting for it to be a- a gay Evil Baby Orphanage, with lots of gay evil babies. Obviously many evil people in history have been repressed homosexuals, so that could be a direction that we might go, however, I don't really think that I wanna go there. I want there to be female characters, I want there to be female leads, I want there to be, uh, hot chicks in the Evil Baby Orphanage. We need to figure out where an evil female baby would come from. I mean obviously that tension could be there, like there might be three boys for every girl. There has to be at least that one girl. So I think we need to know where the love interests are gonna be, and how to include some female evil babies. I will see ya tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 18: How to Write a Book Proposal
Good morning Hank, it's Friday, May 18th, the day that I leave for my trip to the Netherlands. The Yeti and I are going to the Netherlands to support my new novel, 19 Kier Katherine, which I'm sure I'm pronouncing extraordinarily well. I'm really excited about my trip to the Netherlands; I was supposed to go in March, but I got the orbital cellulitis so I couldn't, but now we are definitely going, unless I get orbital cellulitis again. Hank, this means that possibly I'll get to meet some brotherhood 2.0 viewers who live in the Netherlands, cross your fingers, maybe even Toobias! Too-bee-as..? Too-bye-as? Hmmm. I'm not very good at pronunciation. Speaking of pronunciation, Hank, it may seem like you pretty well schooled me on the pronunciation of wikipedia. I mean, you certainly have a lot of fact-based evidence to support your assertion that wikipedia is supposed to be pronounced wickypedia or whatever. I can't even pronounce it the way you pronounce it, my tongue doesn't make those movements. I may not have facts on my side, Hank, but I still think I'm right, that's the American way. And, really, what kind of evidence do you have? I mean, you have wikipedia, a known fraudulent source, and you have a girl robot voice saying wickypedia. Big deal. I can get a girl robot voice to say it my way. Sarah! Sarah?
The Yeti (off camera): Yeah?
Can you come in here? Can you say wikipedia in a robot voice? Come on, wikipedia in a robot voice.
The Yeti: Wikipedia.
In a robot voice!
The Yeti: Wi-ki-pedia.
See? Girl robot voice saying wikipedia. Checkmate. Speaking of wikipedia, I'm trying, I don't know if you know this but your wikipedia entry has been - oh, dammit - I don't know if you know this, but your wi-kee-pedia entry has been the subject of repeated acts of vandalism. Many people have changed your wikipedia entry to say, quote, "he is a gay". But one person went further than that, and said a lot of truly offensive things that I can't repeat on this vlog because of the sensitive ears of our younger listeners. I would, however, like to share with you a couple of quick sentences from the vandalism. Quote: "Both him and his brother John and gay" Period. Ummm, do you mean "both he and his brother John are gay"? Because if you're gonna vandalise wikipedia, you should do it with some reverence for the English language. The next sentence reads "John Greens wife is a trans" Period. There's no apostrophe in the Green's, by the way.
Commenter Misu, or My-zu, or Mitsu, I don't know how to pronounce anything, says "I don't care about how you actually go about making a fiction book proposal, all I care about is that you make the proposal using puppets." MisuMyzuMitsu, I can't necessarily make the proposal using puppets, but I can tell Hank about how to make a fiction book proposal using puppets.
Okay, Hank, today we have playing the role of my lovely editor, Julie Strauss-Gable: Mr. Argyle.
Julie Puppet: Hey, how are you guys? Good to see you again. Okay.
And playing the role of me, we have our old friend, Oobie.
John Puppet: Hey fellas. Okay, uhh, okay Julie. We're just gonna start out by talking a little bit about a fiction book proposal.
Julie Puppet: Umm, you're not doing a very good job of moving your hands right when you talk.
John Puppet: I know, I know, I'm not.. um, I'm not a puppeteer.
Julie Puppet: My husband is a puppeteer.
John Puppet: I know. But I couldn't get him on such short notice, because, um, we're going to the Netherlands. Can we just- Can we just get on with the thing?
Julie Puppet: Yeah yeah yeah, very rarely do you see a first novel sell on a proposal, they almost always have to have the finished manuscript.
John Puppet: Right. I finished the manuscript of Looking for Alaska.
Julie Puppet: Yeah, but then when it came time for you to create an Abundance of Katherines, I said why don't you send me a proposal? And you were like-
John Puppet: I don't know what a proposal is, I'm just a little Oobie!
Julie Puppet: Exactly. And I told you that a proposal is basic-
Sorry puppet fans, I'm gonna run out of time. Hank, basically all you need is a plot summary, a list of the characters and then sample chapters so they know what the book is actually about and is gonna sound like. Alright, I really gotta go to the airport, Hank. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
The Yeti: Did uhhh, you say happy birthday Katherine?
Happy birthday Katherine!
The Yeti (off camera): Yeah?
Can you come in here? Can you say wikipedia in a robot voice? Come on, wikipedia in a robot voice.
The Yeti: Wikipedia.
In a robot voice!
The Yeti: Wi-ki-pedia.
See? Girl robot voice saying wikipedia. Checkmate. Speaking of wikipedia, I'm trying, I don't know if you know this but your wikipedia entry has been - oh, dammit - I don't know if you know this, but your wi-kee-pedia entry has been the subject of repeated acts of vandalism. Many people have changed your wikipedia entry to say, quote, "he is a gay". But one person went further than that, and said a lot of truly offensive things that I can't repeat on this vlog because of the sensitive ears of our younger listeners. I would, however, like to share with you a couple of quick sentences from the vandalism. Quote: "Both him and his brother John and gay" Period. Ummm, do you mean "both he and his brother John are gay"? Because if you're gonna vandalise wikipedia, you should do it with some reverence for the English language. The next sentence reads "John Greens wife is a trans" Period. There's no apostrophe in the Green's, by the way.
Commenter Misu, or My-zu, or Mitsu, I don't know how to pronounce anything, says "I don't care about how you actually go about making a fiction book proposal, all I care about is that you make the proposal using puppets." MisuMyzuMitsu, I can't necessarily make the proposal using puppets, but I can tell Hank about how to make a fiction book proposal using puppets.
Okay, Hank, today we have playing the role of my lovely editor, Julie Strauss-Gable: Mr. Argyle.
Julie Puppet: Hey, how are you guys? Good to see you again. Okay.
And playing the role of me, we have our old friend, Oobie.
John Puppet: Hey fellas. Okay, uhh, okay Julie. We're just gonna start out by talking a little bit about a fiction book proposal.
Julie Puppet: Umm, you're not doing a very good job of moving your hands right when you talk.
John Puppet: I know, I know, I'm not.. um, I'm not a puppeteer.
Julie Puppet: My husband is a puppeteer.
John Puppet: I know. But I couldn't get him on such short notice, because, um, we're going to the Netherlands. Can we just- Can we just get on with the thing?
Julie Puppet: Yeah yeah yeah, very rarely do you see a first novel sell on a proposal, they almost always have to have the finished manuscript.
John Puppet: Right. I finished the manuscript of Looking for Alaska.
Julie Puppet: Yeah, but then when it came time for you to create an Abundance of Katherines, I said why don't you send me a proposal? And you were like-
John Puppet: I don't know what a proposal is, I'm just a little Oobie!
Julie Puppet: Exactly. And I told you that a proposal is basic-
Sorry puppet fans, I'm gonna run out of time. Hank, basically all you need is a plot summary, a list of the characters and then sample chapters so they know what the book is actually about and is gonna sound like. Alright, I really gotta go to the airport, Hank. I'll see you on Monday.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
The Yeti: Did uhhh, you say happy birthday Katherine?
Happy birthday Katherine!
May 17th: Wikeeeeeepedia... and Happy Birthday Katherine
Good Morning John, it's Thursday, May 17th.
(blows party blowers in a tune)
(Sings) Katherine, it's your birthday. Happy Birthday, Katherine. Katherine, it's your birthday. doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, AHHHH! That's right, it's Katherine Green's birthday. Happy birthday Katherine! We're the same age again! Every year, for 12 days, we are different ages, and it just throws me completely off. No, it doesn't. It doesn't really. Anyway, I have to do this video quickly, because Katherine has birthday needs to attend to. For example, we're having a party tonight, and I'd rather if she didn't have to clean the house in preparation for the party. That would just be lame, to have to clean up for your own birthday party.
So Katherine doesn't know what she's getting yet, aside from a France-themed birthday party. So I can't actually tell you what she's getting, because she's going to watch this before she gets it, and that would ruin the surprise! I'm excited about the party, but we have some other things to attend to.
First, as for the proposed book proposals, I have no idea how to write a book proposal for a fiction book. Right now, all I have is stories in my head, and they're getting better and funner and more, like, cool and sort of intense, so I'm excited about that, but, y'know. How do you propose fiction? Do you, like, make the list of characters and propose situations and talk abou- I- I don't know. It's- It's a mystery to me. I need your help. I feel like it's something that you must know. Maybe you've even done that before.
Second, wiki. The word wiki is a word for a collaborative website, and it is pronounced wicky. Wikipedia is a mix of the words wiki and encyclopaedia. If the mix occurred at the -opedia and the wik-, then you would have wik-a-pedia. But the mix occurs after wiki and then -pedia, so you have wiki-pedia. I AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS. I've been wrong about many things in my life. Once, during a presentation on the renaissance, I pronounced façade 'fake-ade'. I was wrong. But about wikipedia, I am right.
I went to the wikipedia page on wikipedia, and if wikipedia is right about anything, it's right about itself. Pronunciations of wikipedia include: wickypedia and weekypedia. Those are the two pronunciations of wikipedia. Not wick-ih-pedia, not wick-uh-pedia. Wickypedia. There were people in the comments who were changing the way that they pronounce wikipedia because you were wrong. In fact, they have a button you can click, to hear someone pronouncing the word wikipedia, and that person pronounces it:
(computerised female voice) wickypedia.
I mean, this is an interesting side-effect of text-based communication. When you only read words, you never find out how they're actually pronounced. But, because we're not using text-based communication any more, I get to find out when you're wrong, and thus I can correct you, and rub your face all in it. So say it with me, John: Wickypedia. I'll see you tomorrow.
(blows party blowers in a tune)
(Sings) Katherine, it's your birthday. Happy Birthday, Katherine. Katherine, it's your birthday. doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, AHHHH! That's right, it's Katherine Green's birthday. Happy birthday Katherine! We're the same age again! Every year, for 12 days, we are different ages, and it just throws me completely off. No, it doesn't. It doesn't really. Anyway, I have to do this video quickly, because Katherine has birthday needs to attend to. For example, we're having a party tonight, and I'd rather if she didn't have to clean the house in preparation for the party. That would just be lame, to have to clean up for your own birthday party.
So Katherine doesn't know what she's getting yet, aside from a France-themed birthday party. So I can't actually tell you what she's getting, because she's going to watch this before she gets it, and that would ruin the surprise! I'm excited about the party, but we have some other things to attend to.
First, as for the proposed book proposals, I have no idea how to write a book proposal for a fiction book. Right now, all I have is stories in my head, and they're getting better and funner and more, like, cool and sort of intense, so I'm excited about that, but, y'know. How do you propose fiction? Do you, like, make the list of characters and propose situations and talk abou- I- I don't know. It's- It's a mystery to me. I need your help. I feel like it's something that you must know. Maybe you've even done that before.
Second, wiki. The word wiki is a word for a collaborative website, and it is pronounced wicky. Wikipedia is a mix of the words wiki and encyclopaedia. If the mix occurred at the -opedia and the wik-, then you would have wik-a-pedia. But the mix occurs after wiki and then -pedia, so you have wiki-pedia. I AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS. I've been wrong about many things in my life. Once, during a presentation on the renaissance, I pronounced façade 'fake-ade'. I was wrong. But about wikipedia, I am right.
I went to the wikipedia page on wikipedia, and if wikipedia is right about anything, it's right about itself. Pronunciations of wikipedia include: wickypedia and weekypedia. Those are the two pronunciations of wikipedia. Not wick-ih-pedia, not wick-uh-pedia. Wickypedia. There were people in the comments who were changing the way that they pronounce wikipedia because you were wrong. In fact, they have a button you can click, to hear someone pronouncing the word wikipedia, and that person pronounces it:
(computerised female voice) wickypedia.
I mean, this is an interesting side-effect of text-based communication. When you only read words, you never find out how they're actually pronounced. But, because we're not using text-based communication any more, I get to find out when you're wrong, and thus I can correct you, and rub your face all in it. So say it with me, John: Wickypedia. I'll see you tomorrow.
May 11th: Heroes
Good morning, John, it's Friday May 11th. (shots of Hank and Katherine zooming around on bikes) For our birthdays Mom and Dad got us new bikes! It's Katherine's birthday next week so she got one too. And now we have two really nice bikes so we can ride around town all the time. We can ride our bikes to the garden, and we won't have to use any fossil fuels or create any carbon.
They're really nice, too. Thanks Mom and Dad, and happy Mother's Day, mom! Do you know what I love? My mom. But also, I love questions about superheroes. Who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman? That one- that one's not very interesting. But there are lots of superhero questions that I like to answer. I especially like to think about what kind of super powers I would like to have if I could have super powers.
I mean, you can't really beat Superman for having super powers, unless you could travel in time. Though that could definitely get very confusing very quickly. I think that that would be probably the hardest super power to have. As you get more power, dealing with that power becomes more difficult. All superheroes deal with that. I think a time stopping man would have even more problems. Where do you draw the line? I mean, you could save everybody as long as you didn't age while you were saving people. You could save everybody in the world. Pretty much. And if you did age? Then you'd have to use your time very wisely, you'd have to save the maximum- yeah, that would be a hard power to have, but it would be the most power, I think, of any superhero. Unless you were Superman and you could travel in time. That would be more power. And you'd also have to make sure that you didn't accidentally negate your own existence while you were in the past.
I would probably not mess with the past if I was a time traveling superhero. You go back and you try and stop the Holocaust and suddenly you've disappeared. Put a needle in Hitler's eye when he's a baby. Would it be OK to kill baby Hitler? I mean, he's just a baby. This is why it would be so hard to be a time traveling super hero! I don't know. I'm interested in people's opinions on whether it would be OK to kill baby Hitler.
Now the reason I'm talking about this, John, is because one of the commenters asked me what I would do if I woke up in the morning and had Spiderman's powers. I mean, I gotta be honest, I would definitely start out the way that Peter Parker did in Spiderman 1 by taking off my shirt and flexing in the mirror. And then I would probably get Katherine, and flex at her. And then I would- might go downtown and flex at random people? I've never really had flex-able- flex-able? flex-ish? flexing. The capability of flexing really, and I think that I would enjoy that. Beyond that, um, I would probably move away from Missoula because Spiderman's powers in Missoula, Montana would be fairly useless. Swing from the seven story building to the six story building! And then, I could swing back! Over and over again. I think Spiderman in Missoula would be very bored, I think he would go hiking a lot. I think, actually, that the awesomeness of a superhero is dependent on the size of his city. Because if there's not a lot of people to save, what do you need a superhero for? A superhero in Missoula would be very part time. Like, you work at the Taco shop, and then be like, guys I gotta go I just been listening in on the police scanner and there's been an accident on Highway 22 and I have to travel back in time and use my Superman powers to stop it.
So yeah, if I was Spiderman, I would either keep it a secret and just flex a lot, or I would move to a big city and actually, uh, get something accomplished. Wow. I sure did spend that entire video talking about superheroes. (does salute) Hoo Hah, Nerdfighters! See you on Monday.
They're really nice, too. Thanks Mom and Dad, and happy Mother's Day, mom! Do you know what I love? My mom. But also, I love questions about superheroes. Who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman? That one- that one's not very interesting. But there are lots of superhero questions that I like to answer. I especially like to think about what kind of super powers I would like to have if I could have super powers.
I mean, you can't really beat Superman for having super powers, unless you could travel in time. Though that could definitely get very confusing very quickly. I think that that would be probably the hardest super power to have. As you get more power, dealing with that power becomes more difficult. All superheroes deal with that. I think a time stopping man would have even more problems. Where do you draw the line? I mean, you could save everybody as long as you didn't age while you were saving people. You could save everybody in the world. Pretty much. And if you did age? Then you'd have to use your time very wisely, you'd have to save the maximum- yeah, that would be a hard power to have, but it would be the most power, I think, of any superhero. Unless you were Superman and you could travel in time. That would be more power. And you'd also have to make sure that you didn't accidentally negate your own existence while you were in the past.
I would probably not mess with the past if I was a time traveling superhero. You go back and you try and stop the Holocaust and suddenly you've disappeared. Put a needle in Hitler's eye when he's a baby. Would it be OK to kill baby Hitler? I mean, he's just a baby. This is why it would be so hard to be a time traveling super hero! I don't know. I'm interested in people's opinions on whether it would be OK to kill baby Hitler.
Now the reason I'm talking about this, John, is because one of the commenters asked me what I would do if I woke up in the morning and had Spiderman's powers. I mean, I gotta be honest, I would definitely start out the way that Peter Parker did in Spiderman 1 by taking off my shirt and flexing in the mirror. And then I would probably get Katherine, and flex at her. And then I would- might go downtown and flex at random people? I've never really had flex-able- flex-able? flex-ish? flexing. The capability of flexing really, and I think that I would enjoy that. Beyond that, um, I would probably move away from Missoula because Spiderman's powers in Missoula, Montana would be fairly useless. Swing from the seven story building to the six story building! And then, I could swing back! Over and over again. I think Spiderman in Missoula would be very bored, I think he would go hiking a lot. I think, actually, that the awesomeness of a superhero is dependent on the size of his city. Because if there's not a lot of people to save, what do you need a superhero for? A superhero in Missoula would be very part time. Like, you work at the Taco shop, and then be like, guys I gotta go I just been listening in on the police scanner and there's been an accident on Highway 22 and I have to travel back in time and use my Superman powers to stop it.
So yeah, if I was Spiderman, I would either keep it a secret and just flex a lot, or I would move to a big city and actually, uh, get something accomplished. Wow. I sure did spend that entire video talking about superheroes. (does salute) Hoo Hah, Nerdfighters! See you on Monday.
May 9th: Singing and Randy
Good morning John, it's Wednesday, May 9th. We're gonna start with the good news and we're going to move to the bad news. The good news is that I have officially accepted your challenge. A friend of mine who you may all recognize as the other guy from Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone from Your Pants, has suggested that it would indeed be a good thing for me to write a song every two weeks. It's not Jonathan Coulton but it's as good as I can do. Every time it's my Wednesday I sing a song. The song I am about to perform is something I have written for a guy who worked really hard and got to see some of the results from his work, but not all of them because he has now passed his legacy on.
(sings)
The day that you died was a good day
(sings)
The day that you died was a good day
hundreds of people wished you on your way
Neil Gaimen wrote about you on his blog
and you and your girl ate mini corn dogs
oh goodbye 26 year old me
you made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards.
Oh thank you for all the hard work, Hank.
Oh thank you for all the hard work, Hank.
Your bank account swelled a lot before it shrank,
but you could have worked maybe a little bit harder,
yeah I could have used a few more thousand dollars.
Yeah goodbye 26 year old me.
You made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards.
You watched a lot of people get married.
You watched a lot of people get married.
John and Sarah, John and Amy,
Ethan and Sarah, Jason and Ashlee.
Holy crap, I bet they'll all have babies.
Oh goodbye 26 year old me,
you made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards
but now I reap the rewards
yeah now I reap the rewards!
The day that you died was a good day
The day that you died was a good day
(speaking) I hope you all enjoyed that because now I have bad news. Today we introduce a new feature to Brotherhood 2.0 we're adding this feature under less than ideal circumstances. Brotherhood 2.0 viewer Travis Bond has created the Foundation to Decrease World Suck's World Suck Index, which you can also find on the left hand side bar. And unfortunately the World Suck Index is debuting at suck level red. This is because Brotherhood 2.0 viewer Danny Chow has just loss his best friend. Danny's friend, Randy, recently beat cancer, but has now died of pneumonia, and I think that it's safe to say that this has increased suck levels pretty dramatically for Danny and for Randy's family. So, for the next two weeks, all donations to the Foundation to Decrease World Suck will be donated to Randy's family. John, I'll see you tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 3
May 7th: Birthday Extravaganza
(in a go-kart) Good morning John, it's Monday, May 9th.
(basement) 7th, not 9th. 26 was a good age. I liked it. Lots and lots of good things happened. The last day of being 26 was a great day.
I woke up, came downstairs and watched about a hundred nerdfighters give me the best birthday greeting I have ever had. And then about halfway through the day my people got a call from John Kerry's people. And when I say my people got a call, I mean one of his assistants sent me an e-mail asking if I would like to interview him. Yes I- I would like to interview John Kerry!
So that was a nice birthday present. And then, Katherine took me to see Spiderman 3.
Which was really bad. I mean generally I like any movie that's loud enough that I can fart during and no one will hear it, but I like at least a little bit of depth. I feel like they just shaved everything off the top and decided well, pssh, what do we need a writer for? We'll just pay 300 million dollars for special effects and everyone will go see it. Ya know, they were right. But that doesn't mean that's what they should do. But what's important is that we got a call before the movie started. And it was you, John, calling to tell us Neil Gaiman had posted a link to brotherhood2.com on his blog.
HOO HA!
There's not much better than having someone who you're a big fan of be a fan of something you're doing. That just feels good. Thanks Neil. And then, we came home and read Brotherhood2.0 comments. (holds up box) and ate mini corn dogs. My girl knows how to make me happy.
Additionally from Katherine I recieved: (holds up each item) Mountain Dew, Pop-Tarts, and chocolate bars. This one has baby rhinoceros chunks in it!
And from people besides Katherine: A Jet Back Cowboy Bee-bop action figure from my dad. From Brian, Jim Beam Black. From Melissa, an anatomical gummy heart. And from Kelly, this amazing nerdfighter shirt (shows T-shirt with nerds united against jock). The Nerdfighters united! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW!
I'm gonna do it. I'm just- ya know, I might as well do it on camera. (opens and eats gummy heart) At least it tastes good.
So you wouldn't think that my actual birthday could be much better than my day before my birthday would you? And really, it wasn't because I didn't wake up to the amazingness that was the Secret Project. But, I did have a bloody fantastic time. It was also my friend's Jeff Lavoy's 30th birthday, so we had a combined birthday extravaganza in three parts.
First Part: Amazing Mexican Food at Heraldo's.
Second Part: Qwivals Family Fun Center! (clips of time spent) I mean, really, you can't get much cooler than this. I got to spin the birthday wheel, and I won a cookie, there was a ridiculously amazing inflatable obstacle coarse, which I totally kicked everybody's ass at. Probably the awesomest part of Qwivel's is the go-kart racing. Which we did a lot, and pretty much all day. There was also miniature golf, which Katherine destroyed everyone at. Polishing off her victory with a final hole-in-one.
And there was laser tag, which I didn't record any of, because it was dark and I was afraid of breaking my camera. (shows image of dragon from park) Look how happy that dragon is!
Part 3! Drinking...a lot. At bars. In Missoula. Surrounded with guys with sombreros on, because it's always like that on my birthday. What are you gonna do?
Thank you everyone for making my birthday so amazing. I loved all of my birthday messages from everyone around the world. I don't think anyone ever in the history of the world has had comparable birthday experience to the one I just had. Certainly, no one has eaten half of an anatomical gummy heart, washed it down with some Mountain Dew, and then said thank you to a hundred people that he's never met for wishing him such a wonderful happy birthday. And their wishes for my happy birthday somehow became manifested in reality and I had one of the happiest birthdays of my life. Thank you all so very much. John, I will see you tomorrow.
(basement) 7th, not 9th. 26 was a good age. I liked it. Lots and lots of good things happened. The last day of being 26 was a great day.
I woke up, came downstairs and watched about a hundred nerdfighters give me the best birthday greeting I have ever had. And then about halfway through the day my people got a call from John Kerry's people. And when I say my people got a call, I mean one of his assistants sent me an e-mail asking if I would like to interview him. Yes I- I would like to interview John Kerry!
So that was a nice birthday present. And then, Katherine took me to see Spiderman 3.
Which was really bad. I mean generally I like any movie that's loud enough that I can fart during and no one will hear it, but I like at least a little bit of depth. I feel like they just shaved everything off the top and decided well, pssh, what do we need a writer for? We'll just pay 300 million dollars for special effects and everyone will go see it. Ya know, they were right. But that doesn't mean that's what they should do. But what's important is that we got a call before the movie started. And it was you, John, calling to tell us Neil Gaiman had posted a link to brotherhood2.com on his blog.
HOO HA!
There's not much better than having someone who you're a big fan of be a fan of something you're doing. That just feels good. Thanks Neil. And then, we came home and read Brotherhood2.0 comments. (holds up box) and ate mini corn dogs. My girl knows how to make me happy.
Additionally from Katherine I recieved: (holds up each item) Mountain Dew, Pop-Tarts, and chocolate bars. This one has baby rhinoceros chunks in it!
And from people besides Katherine: A Jet Back Cowboy Bee-bop action figure from my dad. From Brian, Jim Beam Black. From Melissa, an anatomical gummy heart. And from Kelly, this amazing nerdfighter shirt (shows T-shirt with nerds united against jock). The Nerdfighters united! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW!
I'm gonna do it. I'm just- ya know, I might as well do it on camera. (opens and eats gummy heart) At least it tastes good.
So you wouldn't think that my actual birthday could be much better than my day before my birthday would you? And really, it wasn't because I didn't wake up to the amazingness that was the Secret Project. But, I did have a bloody fantastic time. It was also my friend's Jeff Lavoy's 30th birthday, so we had a combined birthday extravaganza in three parts.
First Part: Amazing Mexican Food at Heraldo's.
Second Part: Qwivals Family Fun Center! (clips of time spent) I mean, really, you can't get much cooler than this. I got to spin the birthday wheel, and I won a cookie, there was a ridiculously amazing inflatable obstacle coarse, which I totally kicked everybody's ass at. Probably the awesomest part of Qwivel's is the go-kart racing. Which we did a lot, and pretty much all day. There was also miniature golf, which Katherine destroyed everyone at. Polishing off her victory with a final hole-in-one.
And there was laser tag, which I didn't record any of, because it was dark and I was afraid of breaking my camera. (shows image of dragon from park) Look how happy that dragon is!
Part 3! Drinking...a lot. At bars. In Missoula. Surrounded with guys with sombreros on, because it's always like that on my birthday. What are you gonna do?
Thank you everyone for making my birthday so amazing. I loved all of my birthday messages from everyone around the world. I don't think anyone ever in the history of the world has had comparable birthday experience to the one I just had. Certainly, no one has eaten half of an anatomical gummy heart, washed it down with some Mountain Dew, and then said thank you to a hundred people that he's never met for wishing him such a wonderful happy birthday. And their wishes for my happy birthday somehow became manifested in reality and I had one of the happiest birthdays of my life. Thank you all so very much. John, I will see you tomorrow.
May 3rd: Yetis, TMBG, Weeds and MoJo
Good morning, John, it's Thursday already! Jesus. May 3rd.
(party blower tune, from many directions) (blows 5 at once, laughs) (Lets off poppers with confetti) Happy Birthday, Dad.
There're a few things that I wanted to talk about last video that I didn't get to talk about. In one of them- t-t-two of, two of them actually- has to do with Neil Gaiman. First thing: I have in front of me a copy of his most recent publication, Fragile Things, which is a collection of excellent short stories. Katherine and I have been reading them to each other at night. And I wanted to share with you something from his introduction: "and on the subject of naming animals, can I just say how happy I was to learn that the word Yeti literally translated apparently means 'That thing, over there'
Quick, brave Himalayan guide, what's that thing over there?
Ah Yeti?
I see.
Second thing: apparently They Might Be Giants is doing the soundtrack to Coraline the movie. YES! Oh my God, that is so cool! Finding that out has made Neil Gaiman way way cooler in my book. So now you know how much I like They Might Be Giants.
Now, onto things that don't have to do with Neil Gaiman. Katherine is not researching marijuana. Weed research, like she's doing research on weeds. Katherine is researching plant communities and how to eliminate invasive species like Spotted Nap Weed. The job starts in a couple of weeks, and it's going to be really weird to not have her around all the time.
And finally, about the Bermudez Triangle, Maureen Johnson's now banned book. What the f--, It's not cool. But what is cool, is what happened to Brotherhood 2.0. I think that your video yesterday has had more comments than any other Brotherhood 2.0 video. So apparently people care more about book banning than they do about my obsession with Helen Hunt. Which is (chokes and coughs) definitely a good thing. Thank you all so much for standing up for the librarians, and for Maureen. Great work. Now, I think I may go out and buy the Bermudez Triangle because I want to see what all of the fuss is about. And, I think that's all, so John, I will see you tomorrow.
(party blower tune, from many directions) (blows 5 at once, laughs) (Lets off poppers with confetti) Happy Birthday, Dad.
There're a few things that I wanted to talk about last video that I didn't get to talk about. In one of them- t-t-two of, two of them actually- has to do with Neil Gaiman. First thing: I have in front of me a copy of his most recent publication, Fragile Things, which is a collection of excellent short stories. Katherine and I have been reading them to each other at night. And I wanted to share with you something from his introduction: "and on the subject of naming animals, can I just say how happy I was to learn that the word Yeti literally translated apparently means 'That thing, over there'
Quick, brave Himalayan guide, what's that thing over there?
Ah Yeti?
I see.
Second thing: apparently They Might Be Giants is doing the soundtrack to Coraline the movie. YES! Oh my God, that is so cool! Finding that out has made Neil Gaiman way way cooler in my book. So now you know how much I like They Might Be Giants.
Now, onto things that don't have to do with Neil Gaiman. Katherine is not researching marijuana. Weed research, like she's doing research on weeds. Katherine is researching plant communities and how to eliminate invasive species like Spotted Nap Weed. The job starts in a couple of weeks, and it's going to be really weird to not have her around all the time.
And finally, about the Bermudez Triangle, Maureen Johnson's now banned book. What the f--, It's not cool. But what is cool, is what happened to Brotherhood 2.0. I think that your video yesterday has had more comments than any other Brotherhood 2.0 video. So apparently people care more about book banning than they do about my obsession with Helen Hunt. Which is (chokes and coughs) definitely a good thing. Thank you all so much for standing up for the librarians, and for Maureen. Great work. Now, I think I may go out and buy the Bermudez Triangle because I want to see what all of the fuss is about. And, I think that's all, so John, I will see you tomorrow.
April 27th: Bad Day,,,
Good morning John, it's Friday, April 29th. There are people walking around upstairs. People I don't know! People interested in buying my house. Today has not been a good day. Today's not been a good day. It's been a bad day. And, I don't know what to do about it. Except, maybe, leave town, which is what Katherine and I are doing shortly. Hoo Hah!
Yeah, there's people looking at the house to see if they wanna buy it and kick us out. (knock knock people enter)
Retail guy: My first of my two stops.
Potential buyers: Hi, how are you? (talk about foundation and leave)
*sigh* bastards! I also had a conference call this morning with one of the websites that I work for, it didn't go exactly as well as I would have liked it to. Um, I would have liked them to have offered me lots of money. And they didn't.
But that's not really why I'm so upset. I design webpages, for a living. It's what I do, I make money, and it allows me to pay bills. It allows me to do Brotherhood 2.0. It allows me to make video blogs, because I don't have to leave the house every day to go to work. It allows me to be here with you. One of my clients isn't paying me. It's been a really long time and they haven't paid me. I just got an email from them, and they said that they're having trouble coming up with the money. Trouble? Coming up with the money? My money? That I gave them months of my life for? They're having a hard time coming up with the money. I WANT MY MONEY! I don't know how this happened, but I need that money, and if you know anybody who is a professional- you know, a professional. It would be nice if you could email me their contact information. Especially because then I would get to punish you.
But there's good news. There's good news. The good news is, that Katherine and I are leaving town, we're going to Helena. To see Neil Gaimen, who I am sure many of the Nerdfighters know. And I will do my best to get a little bit of Neil Gaimen saying hello to John. No guarantees though. Uh, we're also going to visit some friends, and it's very exciting. Other good news: I heard that the Yeti got a job. So did Katherine! And Katherine doesn't have to move to Indianapolis, Indiana to get it! You know, there's generally a reason why houses are almost free in a place. And that reason is generally because a place isn't the best place. Houses are expensive in Missoula because it's the best place. (sigh)
So, now you know. Not been a good day, looking forward to the weekend, congratulations to Katherine. She's gonna be doing weed research (mimes smoking) Yeah, this one's good. Mark that one down good in your notebook. (coughs)
Other good news: Tobais is amazing and made an album of our songs! I'm thinking of a new one for next week, I can't help it. Songs are fun! But, since we're about to leave town, I have to do a bunch of stuff. I have to get EcoGeek all ready to go. I have to pack. Katherine is making sure there's someone to take care of the cat, and the garden. And I need to write. I need to write a lot because I don't wanna lose my job, cause it's the only one I have now. So I have to go!
John, I will see you on Monday, and by then we will all know what happened at the LA Times Book Awards. We don't have any expectations, we're just curious. You can click on the link, down there. And at 8 o'clock Pacific Daylight Time, the winners will be announced and we will all be holding our breath until then. Hopefully John will have footage of the event on Monday, even though it is illegal to bring a video camera into the event, but I have confidence in his smuggling skills.
OK I now really have to go. John, I'll see you on Monday, Hoo Ha!
Yeah, there's people looking at the house to see if they wanna buy it and kick us out. (knock knock people enter)
Retail guy: My first of my two stops.
Potential buyers: Hi, how are you? (talk about foundation and leave)
*sigh* bastards! I also had a conference call this morning with one of the websites that I work for, it didn't go exactly as well as I would have liked it to. Um, I would have liked them to have offered me lots of money. And they didn't.
But that's not really why I'm so upset. I design webpages, for a living. It's what I do, I make money, and it allows me to pay bills. It allows me to do Brotherhood 2.0. It allows me to make video blogs, because I don't have to leave the house every day to go to work. It allows me to be here with you. One of my clients isn't paying me. It's been a really long time and they haven't paid me. I just got an email from them, and they said that they're having trouble coming up with the money. Trouble? Coming up with the money? My money? That I gave them months of my life for? They're having a hard time coming up with the money. I WANT MY MONEY! I don't know how this happened, but I need that money, and if you know anybody who is a professional- you know, a professional. It would be nice if you could email me their contact information. Especially because then I would get to punish you.
But there's good news. There's good news. The good news is, that Katherine and I are leaving town, we're going to Helena. To see Neil Gaimen, who I am sure many of the Nerdfighters know. And I will do my best to get a little bit of Neil Gaimen saying hello to John. No guarantees though. Uh, we're also going to visit some friends, and it's very exciting. Other good news: I heard that the Yeti got a job. So did Katherine! And Katherine doesn't have to move to Indianapolis, Indiana to get it! You know, there's generally a reason why houses are almost free in a place. And that reason is generally because a place isn't the best place. Houses are expensive in Missoula because it's the best place. (sigh)
So, now you know. Not been a good day, looking forward to the weekend, congratulations to Katherine. She's gonna be doing weed research (mimes smoking) Yeah, this one's good. Mark that one down good in your notebook. (coughs)
Other good news: Tobais is amazing and made an album of our songs! I'm thinking of a new one for next week, I can't help it. Songs are fun! But, since we're about to leave town, I have to do a bunch of stuff. I have to get EcoGeek all ready to go. I have to pack. Katherine is making sure there's someone to take care of the cat, and the garden. And I need to write. I need to write a lot because I don't wanna lose my job, cause it's the only one I have now. So I have to go!
John, I will see you on Monday, and by then we will all know what happened at the LA Times Book Awards. We don't have any expectations, we're just curious. You can click on the link, down there. And at 8 o'clock Pacific Daylight Time, the winners will be announced and we will all be holding our breath until then. Hopefully John will have footage of the event on Monday, even though it is illegal to bring a video camera into the event, but I have confidence in his smuggling skills.
OK I now really have to go. John, I'll see you on Monday, Hoo Ha!
April 23rd: Celebrity
Robert Michael Pyle: Hi John, it's Monday April 23rd! (shot of him bowling a strike) And here we are at the Westview Fun Game Place. That's not it! What's it called? Westway Fun Center! Westside fun? (laughs and zooms in on sign behind him that reads Westside Lanes) The fun place in the West!
Hank: What does it feel like when you pick up a spare Bob?
Robert: Well when I pick up a spare it feels even better than writing a good paragraph, and I know, John, you know what that's like.
(at home) That was acclaimed naturalist and award winning nature writer, Robert Michael Pyle. RMP, or Bob, or RobBob as we call him was a visiting professor at my university a couple years ago and I took a class from him. He's an all around super duper guy and is tons of fun to bowl with. He had a lot to do with me becoming a writer, uh, just like you did, so it's nice to kind of introduce you to each other.
John I should let you know that I am extremely proud of your mathematics. That was some excellent calculating you did. You hit it right on the head there, nine hundred and forty something pounds of carbon. Not something I'm necessarily proud of, but our videos have been watched over a hundred thousand times! A hundred thousand times! That's a lot of video watching, something like six thousand hours of people watching our videos!
Hold on, I'm getting my calculator. If we had to actually pay people for the time that they gave us, and we had to pay them minimum wage, it would have cost us over 30,000 dollars. Brotherhood2.0 even without a living wage has cost the world 30,000 dollars of time.
(shows image of giraffe sex) If anyone had ever wondered how, exactly, this works, this is how this works.
(back to Hank) Thank you for that 30,000 dollars of time, we're going to use it to decrease world suck, somehow. Frankly, it's good to know that more hours go onto watching this video than into making it. Someone has asked, in the comments, how long it takes to make one of these videos, and that's kind of hard to say. Because I don't just make the video. I write a story at EcoGeek, and I come back and I record some video, and then I go get some breakfast, and I come back and record some more video. But on the days when I really concentrate, it takes a minimum of two hours. It's good to be appreciated. It's good to be appreciated to the tune of 126 votes at the Bloggers' Choice Awards! Holy Frickin Moly! We are catching up to Youtube!
Now I know that we're not the biggest video blog project out there, but there are a lot of people watching me talk to you, and that's weird. So I want to thank them, and I want to say if you're at Brotherhood 2.0, (points to bottom of screen) right there. Also, there's been a little bit of talk about me being on someone's free pass list. A free pass list is a list of celebrities that you get to do if you ever get the chance to do. First of all, apparently I'm a celebrity, second of all, apparently I'm on someone's free pass list. And people are asking if I'd like to comment on that. I would not- like to comment on that. I'm fine with it. I'm a little bit disappointed that I came in after Brian Setzer. I would like to say to The Yeti, and to Katherine, who I know are watching. John and I don't have free pass lists, except maybe Helen Hunt.
Ehhh, now that I've let that little bit slip, I guess I'll see ya tomorrow.
Hank: What does it feel like when you pick up a spare Bob?
Robert: Well when I pick up a spare it feels even better than writing a good paragraph, and I know, John, you know what that's like.
(at home) That was acclaimed naturalist and award winning nature writer, Robert Michael Pyle. RMP, or Bob, or RobBob as we call him was a visiting professor at my university a couple years ago and I took a class from him. He's an all around super duper guy and is tons of fun to bowl with. He had a lot to do with me becoming a writer, uh, just like you did, so it's nice to kind of introduce you to each other.
John I should let you know that I am extremely proud of your mathematics. That was some excellent calculating you did. You hit it right on the head there, nine hundred and forty something pounds of carbon. Not something I'm necessarily proud of, but our videos have been watched over a hundred thousand times! A hundred thousand times! That's a lot of video watching, something like six thousand hours of people watching our videos!
Hold on, I'm getting my calculator. If we had to actually pay people for the time that they gave us, and we had to pay them minimum wage, it would have cost us over 30,000 dollars. Brotherhood2.0 even without a living wage has cost the world 30,000 dollars of time.
(shows image of giraffe sex) If anyone had ever wondered how, exactly, this works, this is how this works.
(back to Hank) Thank you for that 30,000 dollars of time, we're going to use it to decrease world suck, somehow. Frankly, it's good to know that more hours go onto watching this video than into making it. Someone has asked, in the comments, how long it takes to make one of these videos, and that's kind of hard to say. Because I don't just make the video. I write a story at EcoGeek, and I come back and I record some video, and then I go get some breakfast, and I come back and record some more video. But on the days when I really concentrate, it takes a minimum of two hours. It's good to be appreciated. It's good to be appreciated to the tune of 126 votes at the Bloggers' Choice Awards! Holy Frickin Moly! We are catching up to Youtube!
Now I know that we're not the biggest video blog project out there, but there are a lot of people watching me talk to you, and that's weird. So I want to thank them, and I want to say if you're at Brotherhood 2.0, (points to bottom of screen) right there. Also, there's been a little bit of talk about me being on someone's free pass list. A free pass list is a list of celebrities that you get to do if you ever get the chance to do. First of all, apparently I'm a celebrity, second of all, apparently I'm on someone's free pass list. And people are asking if I'd like to comment on that. I would not- like to comment on that. I'm fine with it. I'm a little bit disappointed that I came in after Brian Setzer. I would like to say to The Yeti, and to Katherine, who I know are watching. John and I don't have free pass lists, except maybe Helen Hunt.
Ehhh, now that I've let that little bit slip, I guess I'll see ya tomorrow.
April 17th: Stepped Up
Good morning John, it’s Tuesday, April 17th.
Politician: Using less energy more wisely is good for everybody. It’s good for the world, it’s good for the economy, and I want to make the whole world proud of this state.
Hank: This weekend Katherine and I attended a Step It Up rally, with its occasionally boring bureaucrats, folks waving signs and playing blues music and dancing to drum beats. And then we walked home. It’s a small town so we can pretty much walk everywhere. On the way home we saw several methods of alternative transportation, including ourselves walking, this train, training, and this guy, riding his bike. The rest of our electricity-free day was pretty easy, but it did get a little bit difficult around dinnertime.
Ah! It's Bright! Can you see me? Can you see me at all without the light on, because that’s too bright. There’s my teeth! There I am. We’ve got some electronic equipment on, but only electronic equipment that has batteries. It’s kind of hard to eat food, or cook food, anyways, without power. So I’m not sure what we’re going to have for dinner. Maybe we should cook it over the candle.
Ok, we’ve figured out some food options. Katherine has in front of her a piece of bread, some cottage cheese, uh, pickles, and olives. I have in front of me a tortilla with mozzarella cheese slices, tofu turkey and honey mustard. And we have also got, on the table, chips and salsa. Many of which need to be refrigerated, but none of which need to be heated, though it sure would be nice to heat this tortilla-thing up.
These are our candles. And then Katherine and I read by candlelight until we fell asleep. Which was very early. It’s a lot easier to go to sleep early if you don’t have light bulbs, because there’s nothing else to do.
I have to say that doing that for one day was pretty hard. Doing it for more than one day would be much harder. I mean, one day, you don’t really have to take a shower, you can go out to eat for lunch, you can have a really lame dinner, and not suffer too much. But doing it for an entire week- I don’t know how you’re going to do that. And as for light bulbs: it is really hard to not have lighting. Candles are actually much more inefficient than light bulbs: per unit of light, they create much more carbon than a light bulb powered by a coal power plant. The little guys, when they’re burning, they put off carbon dioxide just like any other fuel. They also don’t put off very much light, as I found out sitting in my bed holding my book up to the candle to try and read at ten o’clock at night. I generally go to bed about 2 AM.
It was a very enlightening experience. We spend 100% of every day surrounded by electronic stuff. It completely defines our life. Every bit of electronic equipment has that carbon footprint tied to it. It’s an interesting world we live in, John. But I think it is good to try to understand what life would be like without that stuff sometimes. All in all, I don’t think it would be better. Which is why I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how we can go forward. There’s no way we can get out of this mess without a lot of really good ideas.
I think it’s great that you haven’t decided to just offset your carbon with some strange scheme. You’ve got to figure out what devices actually make your life better, so you don’t have to use all the other ones. At the same time, I know that this week is going to be a huge pain in the ass, and I look forward to seeing you dealing with that tomorrow.
Politician: Using less energy more wisely is good for everybody. It’s good for the world, it’s good for the economy, and I want to make the whole world proud of this state.
Hank: This weekend Katherine and I attended a Step It Up rally, with its occasionally boring bureaucrats, folks waving signs and playing blues music and dancing to drum beats. And then we walked home. It’s a small town so we can pretty much walk everywhere. On the way home we saw several methods of alternative transportation, including ourselves walking, this train, training, and this guy, riding his bike. The rest of our electricity-free day was pretty easy, but it did get a little bit difficult around dinnertime.
Ah! It's Bright! Can you see me? Can you see me at all without the light on, because that’s too bright. There’s my teeth! There I am. We’ve got some electronic equipment on, but only electronic equipment that has batteries. It’s kind of hard to eat food, or cook food, anyways, without power. So I’m not sure what we’re going to have for dinner. Maybe we should cook it over the candle.
Ok, we’ve figured out some food options. Katherine has in front of her a piece of bread, some cottage cheese, uh, pickles, and olives. I have in front of me a tortilla with mozzarella cheese slices, tofu turkey and honey mustard. And we have also got, on the table, chips and salsa. Many of which need to be refrigerated, but none of which need to be heated, though it sure would be nice to heat this tortilla-thing up.
These are our candles. And then Katherine and I read by candlelight until we fell asleep. Which was very early. It’s a lot easier to go to sleep early if you don’t have light bulbs, because there’s nothing else to do.
I have to say that doing that for one day was pretty hard. Doing it for more than one day would be much harder. I mean, one day, you don’t really have to take a shower, you can go out to eat for lunch, you can have a really lame dinner, and not suffer too much. But doing it for an entire week- I don’t know how you’re going to do that. And as for light bulbs: it is really hard to not have lighting. Candles are actually much more inefficient than light bulbs: per unit of light, they create much more carbon than a light bulb powered by a coal power plant. The little guys, when they’re burning, they put off carbon dioxide just like any other fuel. They also don’t put off very much light, as I found out sitting in my bed holding my book up to the candle to try and read at ten o’clock at night. I generally go to bed about 2 AM.
It was a very enlightening experience. We spend 100% of every day surrounded by electronic stuff. It completely defines our life. Every bit of electronic equipment has that carbon footprint tied to it. It’s an interesting world we live in, John. But I think it is good to try to understand what life would be like without that stuff sometimes. All in all, I don’t think it would be better. Which is why I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how we can go forward. There’s no way we can get out of this mess without a lot of really good ideas.
I think it’s great that you haven’t decided to just offset your carbon with some strange scheme. You’ve got to figure out what devices actually make your life better, so you don’t have to use all the other ones. At the same time, I know that this week is going to be a huge pain in the ass, and I look forward to seeing you dealing with that tomorrow.
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