Good morning, John, it's Friday May 25th. FreeMonkey and I are about to go on the town. (shot of FreeMonkey with cat) This is what FreeMonkey has mostly been doing since he's been here. He's become kind of friends with the cat. I just put him there and she goes up and they sit together. FreeMonkey!
(Shot of FreeMonkey on bridge) But now FreeMonkey's goin out on the town! We're gonna stop by a couple of places, and then we're gonna hike up to the M. This is where we're goin, buddy (shot of large M on mountain).
First stop: Missoula's carousel at Caras Park. He looks pretty secure on there. (FreeMonkey has the buckle wrapped around him, shot of Buckle Up! It's the Law! sign) announcer: FreeMonkey is riding on (unintelligible) Everyone make their very best monkey noise, if you would, to get this ride started. (group makes monkey noises) Hold on tight everybody! (carousel runs)
(at park) Little boy: Are you swinging that?
It's my monkey, he's taking a swing.
Now FreeMonkey and I are getting a haircut. (FreeMonkey getting shampooed) It's my friend Maureen's monkey, and she is publishing a book, and he's going on tour before her book.
Woman: So am I gonna be in the tour?
Umm, yes, your hands will be anyways.
Woman (snipping): Actually there is a couple of little hairs...
There's a couple little hairs?
Woman: yeah.
Woman off camera: what the heck are you guys doing?
Woman: (laughs) I'm gonna be on the book tour! (brushes off FreeMonkey) Aaah!
And then FreeMonkey and I achieved our goal, we hiked and hiked and hiked until we got to Missoula, Montana's M. And then FreeMonkey sat and gazed upon the city of Missoula.
(inside) Where will FreeMonkey go next? And here's my haircut! Puff levels are lower. It was a fun day. In celebration of FreeMonkey's excellent day today and all of John's Holland happy dances, and also because the period of collection for Randy's family has ended, The World Suck Index has decreased to Suck Level: Yellow- Merely elevated. It's a great day in the history of World Suck, the first time that the World Suck Meter has ever been at anything besides Severe. It's kind of hard to celebrate when a period of mourning ends. Like, nobody celebrates when the flag goes up from half mast after a national disaster. Yay we don't have to mourn any more! You can't really celebrate that.
Thinkin about that got me thinkin about the period of time after a president's death when we all have the flags at half mast and we mourn. Thinkin about that got me thinking about how weird that is gonna be when I'm mourning the death of George Bush. Thinkin about that made me realize that since I am so much younger than George Bush, chances are I will live to see the day when he dies. Thinkin about that actually kinda made me a little happy. And at first thinkin about that kinda made me a little bit ashamed, but then I realized that it's not because he'd be dead or because someone would be dying or because I want him to die, because a part of me suddenly realized that there's a lot of future yet to come. And that I'm gonna be around to see a lot of that future. Thinkin about that actually kinda made me pretty hopeful.
I'll see you on Monday.
Showing posts with label Decreasing World Suck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Decreasing World Suck. Show all posts
Thursday, November 4
May 23rd: Miniature Soccer Team
Good morning, John, it's Wednesday, May 23rd. And this song, is for the Yeti.
(sings) A year ago today,
My brother convinced a girl to say
I do.
And that girl was you.
But Sarah, I've got to warn you,
I don't think you know just what you swore to.
You'll see,
What I mean.
Oh nothin in the world could ever stop John Green,
From achieving his one unmatchable dream.
I don't think that he would even stop at 19.
He wants two entire miniature soccer teams
From you.
From your womb.
11 on each side
Co-ed teams would be just fine.
As long,
as you don't take long.
44 little tiny baby cleats
Tied onto 44 baby feets
So cute.
In their little Umbro suits.
Well I'm glad you think that you're the luckiest girl
In Indianapolis and all of the world
But I wouldn't think you'd be too keen
On birthing a miniature soccer team
For him.
All for him.
It might sound inhumane
It might sound like a lot of pain
Unless you opt
To adopt.
But John would probably just call me a cynic
I think he's already called fertility clinics
He's serious
About this.
Oh 22 kids is probably more
Than a middle-class family like you can afford.
But nothing in the world is gonna stop John Green
From seeing his miniature soccer team.
At play
Oh, all day.
Sarah I have to warn you,
Warn you about what you've sworn to
John Green
Is a baby makin' machine.
(spoken) Sarah, John, I hope you're having a marvelous time in the Netherlands. Watch out for the babies, you never know where they're gonna come from. They could come from the Netherlands, I dunno. We could add more about that later if you want to. But, uuh, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow. (Reveals black Nerd Fighter T-shirt) Waaah Hoo Hah Nerdfighters!
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) For users of Mac OSX, Nerdfighter Timothy Risendez has created the World Suck widgit, which will keep you informed of World Suck Levels via your OSX Dashboard. You can download it at Brotherhood2.com and if you're already at Brotherhood2.com then you can download it right (points down) there. (thumbs up)
(sings) A year ago today,
My brother convinced a girl to say
I do.
And that girl was you.
But Sarah, I've got to warn you,
I don't think you know just what you swore to.
You'll see,
What I mean.
Oh nothin in the world could ever stop John Green,
From achieving his one unmatchable dream.
I don't think that he would even stop at 19.
He wants two entire miniature soccer teams
From you.
From your womb.
11 on each side
Co-ed teams would be just fine.
As long,
as you don't take long.
44 little tiny baby cleats
Tied onto 44 baby feets
So cute.
In their little Umbro suits.
Well I'm glad you think that you're the luckiest girl
In Indianapolis and all of the world
But I wouldn't think you'd be too keen
On birthing a miniature soccer team
For him.
All for him.
It might sound inhumane
It might sound like a lot of pain
Unless you opt
To adopt.
But John would probably just call me a cynic
I think he's already called fertility clinics
He's serious
About this.
Oh 22 kids is probably more
Than a middle-class family like you can afford.
But nothing in the world is gonna stop John Green
From seeing his miniature soccer team.
At play
Oh, all day.
Sarah I have to warn you,
Warn you about what you've sworn to
John Green
Is a baby makin' machine.
(spoken) Sarah, John, I hope you're having a marvelous time in the Netherlands. Watch out for the babies, you never know where they're gonna come from. They could come from the Netherlands, I dunno. We could add more about that later if you want to. But, uuh, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow. (Reveals black Nerd Fighter T-shirt) Waaah Hoo Hah Nerdfighters!
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) For users of Mac OSX, Nerdfighter Timothy Risendez has created the World Suck widgit, which will keep you informed of World Suck Levels via your OSX Dashboard. You can download it at Brotherhood2.com and if you're already at Brotherhood2.com then you can download it right (points down) there. (thumbs up)
May 9th: Singing and Randy
Good morning John, it's Wednesday, May 9th. We're gonna start with the good news and we're going to move to the bad news. The good news is that I have officially accepted your challenge. A friend of mine who you may all recognize as the other guy from Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone from Your Pants, has suggested that it would indeed be a good thing for me to write a song every two weeks. It's not Jonathan Coulton but it's as good as I can do. Every time it's my Wednesday I sing a song. The song I am about to perform is something I have written for a guy who worked really hard and got to see some of the results from his work, but not all of them because he has now passed his legacy on.
(sings)
The day that you died was a good day
(sings)
The day that you died was a good day
hundreds of people wished you on your way
Neil Gaimen wrote about you on his blog
and you and your girl ate mini corn dogs
oh goodbye 26 year old me
you made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards.
Oh thank you for all the hard work, Hank.
Oh thank you for all the hard work, Hank.
Your bank account swelled a lot before it shrank,
but you could have worked maybe a little bit harder,
yeah I could have used a few more thousand dollars.
Yeah goodbye 26 year old me.
You made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards.
You watched a lot of people get married.
You watched a lot of people get married.
John and Sarah, John and Amy,
Ethan and Sarah, Jason and Ashlee.
Holy crap, I bet they'll all have babies.
Oh goodbye 26 year old me,
you made a lot of money and got a master's degree
and you married a girl we adore,
but now I reap the rewards
but now I reap the rewards
yeah now I reap the rewards!
The day that you died was a good day
The day that you died was a good day
(speaking) I hope you all enjoyed that because now I have bad news. Today we introduce a new feature to Brotherhood 2.0 we're adding this feature under less than ideal circumstances. Brotherhood 2.0 viewer Travis Bond has created the Foundation to Decrease World Suck's World Suck Index, which you can also find on the left hand side bar. And unfortunately the World Suck Index is debuting at suck level red. This is because Brotherhood 2.0 viewer Danny Chow has just loss his best friend. Danny's friend, Randy, recently beat cancer, but has now died of pneumonia, and I think that it's safe to say that this has increased suck levels pretty dramatically for Danny and for Randy's family. So, for the next two weeks, all donations to the Foundation to Decrease World Suck will be donated to Randy's family. John, I'll see you tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 3
Brotherhood 2.0: May 8th: House Hunters
Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday May 8th, 10th? 8th? It's an even numbered day in May. A commenter recently had an idea that we should release a Brotherhood 2.0 calendar to increase the Funds to Decrease World Suck, and I think that's a great idea. It would be exactly like a regular calendar, except without weekends, and also the date would always be wrong.
Hank we're in the airport in New York City on our way to go house hunting in Indianapolis. This will be my first time visiting Indianapolis as a, you know, resident. Hank, there were several happy birthday messages that got lost in my email that I'll have to show you on Thursday, but for now I don't have them because we're in the airport and I don't have my computer and I don't really know what's goin on and we gotta go house hunting. We're very busy we gotta meet Penny the realtor, there's a lot going on. But, I will show you those happy birthday greetings on Thursday.
Also, during the Happy Birthday Top Secret Project I learned a lot of interesting things about our Nerdfighters. For instance, did you know, and this is entirely true, one of the Nerdfighters is going to be competing this year in the National Spelling Bee in Washington, D.C. Hank we have a semi-professional speller!
Hank in other news, Maureen Johnson's book the Bermudez Triangle seems to have been sort of half way unbanned. Specifically the school administration is now arguing that they didn't ban the book at all in the first place, they just recommended that it be banned, and then removed it from the shelf, which somehow does not constitute banning. Anyway, it seems like our letters have worked and now it's just a matter of seeing if the school superintendent agrees that the book should stay on the shelves.
Observation: people look at you funny when you scream into a camera at the airport at 7:10 in the morning.
Hey Hank, while we're here at the airport I thought we might go to Hudson News to see what's goin on in the world. (Star) What's Wrong with Brit's Baby! Is not a sentence that ends in an exclamation point.
(in hotel) Hank, most of that video was filmed at like 7 o'clock this morning at the airport, and now we're in Indianapolis and it's like 11 o'clock at night and I only have about 30 minutes to upload and edit it and do everything with my Brotherhood 2.0 video and I'm extremely stressed out and plus we saw like 12 houses today and they were all nice but they also all need work and it was really really really really really really really really stressful and the last thing I want to do is come home and have to make a video.
Hank, you know when I get stressed out you know what I do? I do this thing (runs hands through hair) I do the puff? I do the puff up? I do the constant puff up? I've been doing the puff up all day (shots of him making puffing all over) You see Hank, in my life, the puff level has a direct correlation to the stress level. The puff level is high, so the stress level is high. Don't get me wrong. Shopping for houses is really really really fun, it's exciting and it feels good, and the houses are interesting and everything else, but it's also, scary. So the puff level is high, and the stress level is high. And Hank, on Thursday I'm going to need you to help me pick a house. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
Brotherhood 2.0 would like to wish a very belated but very happy 30th birthday to Shanon James. Nerdfighters!
Hank we're in the airport in New York City on our way to go house hunting in Indianapolis. This will be my first time visiting Indianapolis as a, you know, resident. Hank, there were several happy birthday messages that got lost in my email that I'll have to show you on Thursday, but for now I don't have them because we're in the airport and I don't have my computer and I don't really know what's goin on and we gotta go house hunting. We're very busy we gotta meet Penny the realtor, there's a lot going on. But, I will show you those happy birthday greetings on Thursday.
Also, during the Happy Birthday Top Secret Project I learned a lot of interesting things about our Nerdfighters. For instance, did you know, and this is entirely true, one of the Nerdfighters is going to be competing this year in the National Spelling Bee in Washington, D.C. Hank we have a semi-professional speller!
Hank in other news, Maureen Johnson's book the Bermudez Triangle seems to have been sort of half way unbanned. Specifically the school administration is now arguing that they didn't ban the book at all in the first place, they just recommended that it be banned, and then removed it from the shelf, which somehow does not constitute banning. Anyway, it seems like our letters have worked and now it's just a matter of seeing if the school superintendent agrees that the book should stay on the shelves.
Observation: people look at you funny when you scream into a camera at the airport at 7:10 in the morning.
Hey Hank, while we're here at the airport I thought we might go to Hudson News to see what's goin on in the world. (Star) What's Wrong with Brit's Baby! Is not a sentence that ends in an exclamation point.
(in hotel) Hank, most of that video was filmed at like 7 o'clock this morning at the airport, and now we're in Indianapolis and it's like 11 o'clock at night and I only have about 30 minutes to upload and edit it and do everything with my Brotherhood 2.0 video and I'm extremely stressed out and plus we saw like 12 houses today and they were all nice but they also all need work and it was really really really really really really really really stressful and the last thing I want to do is come home and have to make a video.
Hank, you know when I get stressed out you know what I do? I do this thing (runs hands through hair) I do the puff? I do the puff up? I do the constant puff up? I've been doing the puff up all day (shots of him making puffing all over) You see Hank, in my life, the puff level has a direct correlation to the stress level. The puff level is high, so the stress level is high. Don't get me wrong. Shopping for houses is really really really fun, it's exciting and it feels good, and the houses are interesting and everything else, but it's also, scary. So the puff level is high, and the stress level is high. And Hank, on Thursday I'm going to need you to help me pick a house. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
Brotherhood 2.0 would like to wish a very belated but very happy 30th birthday to Shanon James. Nerdfighters!
April 23rd: Celebrity
Robert Michael Pyle: Hi John, it's Monday April 23rd! (shot of him bowling a strike) And here we are at the Westview Fun Game Place. That's not it! What's it called? Westway Fun Center! Westside fun? (laughs and zooms in on sign behind him that reads Westside Lanes) The fun place in the West!
Hank: What does it feel like when you pick up a spare Bob?
Robert: Well when I pick up a spare it feels even better than writing a good paragraph, and I know, John, you know what that's like.
(at home) That was acclaimed naturalist and award winning nature writer, Robert Michael Pyle. RMP, or Bob, or RobBob as we call him was a visiting professor at my university a couple years ago and I took a class from him. He's an all around super duper guy and is tons of fun to bowl with. He had a lot to do with me becoming a writer, uh, just like you did, so it's nice to kind of introduce you to each other.
John I should let you know that I am extremely proud of your mathematics. That was some excellent calculating you did. You hit it right on the head there, nine hundred and forty something pounds of carbon. Not something I'm necessarily proud of, but our videos have been watched over a hundred thousand times! A hundred thousand times! That's a lot of video watching, something like six thousand hours of people watching our videos!
Hold on, I'm getting my calculator. If we had to actually pay people for the time that they gave us, and we had to pay them minimum wage, it would have cost us over 30,000 dollars. Brotherhood2.0 even without a living wage has cost the world 30,000 dollars of time.
(shows image of giraffe sex) If anyone had ever wondered how, exactly, this works, this is how this works.
(back to Hank) Thank you for that 30,000 dollars of time, we're going to use it to decrease world suck, somehow. Frankly, it's good to know that more hours go onto watching this video than into making it. Someone has asked, in the comments, how long it takes to make one of these videos, and that's kind of hard to say. Because I don't just make the video. I write a story at EcoGeek, and I come back and I record some video, and then I go get some breakfast, and I come back and record some more video. But on the days when I really concentrate, it takes a minimum of two hours. It's good to be appreciated. It's good to be appreciated to the tune of 126 votes at the Bloggers' Choice Awards! Holy Frickin Moly! We are catching up to Youtube!
Now I know that we're not the biggest video blog project out there, but there are a lot of people watching me talk to you, and that's weird. So I want to thank them, and I want to say if you're at Brotherhood 2.0, (points to bottom of screen) right there. Also, there's been a little bit of talk about me being on someone's free pass list. A free pass list is a list of celebrities that you get to do if you ever get the chance to do. First of all, apparently I'm a celebrity, second of all, apparently I'm on someone's free pass list. And people are asking if I'd like to comment on that. I would not- like to comment on that. I'm fine with it. I'm a little bit disappointed that I came in after Brian Setzer. I would like to say to The Yeti, and to Katherine, who I know are watching. John and I don't have free pass lists, except maybe Helen Hunt.
Ehhh, now that I've let that little bit slip, I guess I'll see ya tomorrow.
Hank: What does it feel like when you pick up a spare Bob?
Robert: Well when I pick up a spare it feels even better than writing a good paragraph, and I know, John, you know what that's like.
(at home) That was acclaimed naturalist and award winning nature writer, Robert Michael Pyle. RMP, or Bob, or RobBob as we call him was a visiting professor at my university a couple years ago and I took a class from him. He's an all around super duper guy and is tons of fun to bowl with. He had a lot to do with me becoming a writer, uh, just like you did, so it's nice to kind of introduce you to each other.
John I should let you know that I am extremely proud of your mathematics. That was some excellent calculating you did. You hit it right on the head there, nine hundred and forty something pounds of carbon. Not something I'm necessarily proud of, but our videos have been watched over a hundred thousand times! A hundred thousand times! That's a lot of video watching, something like six thousand hours of people watching our videos!
Hold on, I'm getting my calculator. If we had to actually pay people for the time that they gave us, and we had to pay them minimum wage, it would have cost us over 30,000 dollars. Brotherhood2.0 even without a living wage has cost the world 30,000 dollars of time.
(shows image of giraffe sex) If anyone had ever wondered how, exactly, this works, this is how this works.
(back to Hank) Thank you for that 30,000 dollars of time, we're going to use it to decrease world suck, somehow. Frankly, it's good to know that more hours go onto watching this video than into making it. Someone has asked, in the comments, how long it takes to make one of these videos, and that's kind of hard to say. Because I don't just make the video. I write a story at EcoGeek, and I come back and I record some video, and then I go get some breakfast, and I come back and record some more video. But on the days when I really concentrate, it takes a minimum of two hours. It's good to be appreciated. It's good to be appreciated to the tune of 126 votes at the Bloggers' Choice Awards! Holy Frickin Moly! We are catching up to Youtube!
Now I know that we're not the biggest video blog project out there, but there are a lot of people watching me talk to you, and that's weird. So I want to thank them, and I want to say if you're at Brotherhood 2.0, (points to bottom of screen) right there. Also, there's been a little bit of talk about me being on someone's free pass list. A free pass list is a list of celebrities that you get to do if you ever get the chance to do. First of all, apparently I'm a celebrity, second of all, apparently I'm on someone's free pass list. And people are asking if I'd like to comment on that. I would not- like to comment on that. I'm fine with it. I'm a little bit disappointed that I came in after Brian Setzer. I would like to say to The Yeti, and to Katherine, who I know are watching. John and I don't have free pass lists, except maybe Helen Hunt.
Ehhh, now that I've let that little bit slip, I guess I'll see ya tomorrow.
Friday the 13th: Step it Up!
Good Morning John, it's Friday April 13th. I don't know very much about Kurt Vonnegut, but it's pretty clear that the English nerdfighters do, and with them I mourn. In times of mourning, it's easy to concentrate on the increase of worldsuck, but Brotherhood 2.0 isn't about recognizing when suck levels increase, it's about decreasing suck levels. This stuff on my head is for Kurt Vonnegut, but this video is for decreasing worldsuck.
(is wearing a compact fluorescent lightbulb on his head) Let's spend a little bit of time talking about global warming. As my last video showed, I spend an awful lot of time thinking about global warming, and while a vast majority of Americans have decided that global warming is a really big deal and that we really need to do something about it, so far no one is doing anything about it. I mean, we are individually, people are buying Priuses and turning off lights and using compact florescent lightbulbs, which I heartily encourage you to do. What needs to be done, can't be done just by individuals. There are pretty much three types of entities in the world: there are people, there are corporations, and there are governments. We got the people. We need the corporations and the governments. And I'll tell you what, it feels like we have the corporations more than we have the government, which is just screwed up! So if you want to talk about decreasing suck levels worldwide, we need to talk about decreasing temperatures worldwide, or at least decrease carbon emissions.
And just by coincidence, tomorrow is Step It Up Day. Step It Up is a campaign started by Bill McKibben, the guy who wrote that book I told you to read. Basically, its a campaign to say "Okay, Congress, uh, now we all agree that there's a problem, and you all agree that there's a problem, now you should do something." And the good news is that almost everybody can participate in a Step It Up event because they're like, they're everywhere. We've got one in Missoula, and one in Glacier, and one in Corvallis. I mean, in terms of Montana, thats like having three block parties on the same block. This is a big deal! There's like 400 of these things going on in New York City alone. Basically, everybody's getting together and having a bloddy fantastic time, trying not to emit very much carbon, and getting really angry at Congress! I mean, I love being angry at Congress.
John, I know that there's a bunch of these cool things going on in New York, and I challenge you to attend one of them. I want to see video of you at a Step It Up rally, even if you have to have a Step It Up rally of one, I want to see you asking Congress to step it up for 2007 and actually make some change. Also, I know there's some eco-nerdfighters out there, I want to see you guys stepping it up too. My personal step it up project, I am going to turn off my house. All of it... a-all of it, you won't see me on the internet, I won't be there because my house will be off. I will also be attending a rally in downtown Missoula and, uh I will be gardening, because that doesn't take any power, and it's a good thing to do anyways.
I have to go because this thing is falling off my head. I'll see you on Monday.
(is wearing a compact fluorescent lightbulb on his head) Let's spend a little bit of time talking about global warming. As my last video showed, I spend an awful lot of time thinking about global warming, and while a vast majority of Americans have decided that global warming is a really big deal and that we really need to do something about it, so far no one is doing anything about it. I mean, we are individually, people are buying Priuses and turning off lights and using compact florescent lightbulbs, which I heartily encourage you to do. What needs to be done, can't be done just by individuals. There are pretty much three types of entities in the world: there are people, there are corporations, and there are governments. We got the people. We need the corporations and the governments. And I'll tell you what, it feels like we have the corporations more than we have the government, which is just screwed up! So if you want to talk about decreasing suck levels worldwide, we need to talk about decreasing temperatures worldwide, or at least decrease carbon emissions.
And just by coincidence, tomorrow is Step It Up Day. Step It Up is a campaign started by Bill McKibben, the guy who wrote that book I told you to read. Basically, its a campaign to say "Okay, Congress, uh, now we all agree that there's a problem, and you all agree that there's a problem, now you should do something." And the good news is that almost everybody can participate in a Step It Up event because they're like, they're everywhere. We've got one in Missoula, and one in Glacier, and one in Corvallis. I mean, in terms of Montana, thats like having three block parties on the same block. This is a big deal! There's like 400 of these things going on in New York City alone. Basically, everybody's getting together and having a bloddy fantastic time, trying not to emit very much carbon, and getting really angry at Congress! I mean, I love being angry at Congress.
John, I know that there's a bunch of these cool things going on in New York, and I challenge you to attend one of them. I want to see video of you at a Step It Up rally, even if you have to have a Step It Up rally of one, I want to see you asking Congress to step it up for 2007 and actually make some change. Also, I know there's some eco-nerdfighters out there, I want to see you guys stepping it up too. My personal step it up project, I am going to turn off my house. All of it... a-all of it, you won't see me on the internet, I won't be there because my house will be off. I will also be attending a rally in downtown Missoula and, uh I will be gardening, because that doesn't take any power, and it's a good thing to do anyways.
I have to go because this thing is falling off my head. I'll see you on Monday.
Brotherhood 2.0: April 10th: Role Models
I’m at the eye doctor. I’m always at the eye doctor. It’s like this is my profession. I’m no longer a writer; I’m now an opthalmological patient. By the way, this job doesn’t pay well.
Ethan Youngerman: Good morning, Hank. It’s, uh, Tuesday. April 10th.
Hank, that was noted American Nerdfighter Ethan Youngerman, the creator of the Sublet Experiment, a play that is probably going to be performed inside my apartment. (Points to pimple) I tried to pop it but it just got mad. I don’t know about you, but I actually kind of do consider myself a role model, at least in some ways. I mean, I’m cognizant of the fact that there are young people watching this show, including, like, three year olds. By the way, wasn’t it adorable when a three year old commenter said your punishment should be having to build a house? I want a baby! They do such cute things! It’s inevitable that your behavior is shaped by the people around you, whether that means the people physically around you, like your parents, and your siblings, and your friends and coworkers. Or whether that means the people that are only virtually around you, like, say, Lindsay Lohan, or, Christiano Ronaldo.
So I do think that you have to be cognizant of the way that your behavior is helping shape the behavior of other people, and also the way your own behavior is being shaped by the other people around you. That’s why I’m not reading Perez Hilton dot com anymore. It’s started to make my brain go gooey. And then the goo tried to come out of my eye, and then I almost went blind.
But Hank, I do agree that a simplistic notion of role modeling is stupid. For instance I don’t think that anyone’s going to be driven to drink by the fact that you went to a party on Holy Saturday and then had a hangover on Easter Sunday. The fact of the matter is the way that we model behavior for the people around us and the way that they model behavior for us is a hell of a lot more complicated than just wanting to do what they do and wanting not to do what they don’t do.
For instance, the fact that Britney Spears seems to be addicted to methamphetamine makes me less likely to use methamphetamine, not more likely, because I don’t wanna end up like Britney Spears. This topic has been much on my mind lately because I received a series of e-mails last week from teenagers asking me the same question: What is my opinion of drunk driving? What is my opinion of drunk driving? I’m opposed to it! Who the hell isn’t opposed to drunk driving? Drunk drivers and jerks! That’s it! That’s the whole list! I’m not a drunk driver – I don’t even own a car – and I’m not a jerk! Ergo, I am naturally opposed to drunk driving. And here we get to the real crux of the matter, I think. If we spend the next 365 days making a video blog that discussed nothing except for the perils of drunk driving, it would suck. In my opinion, the question of whether or not people should drive drunk – they shouldn’t – is an important question. It’s just not a very interesting question.
There are lots of things that are important that don’t make good subjects for books. For example: (Does pushups) The proper way to perform a pushup is not an interesting topic for fiction. (Eats Mueslix) The price of Mueslix is important. But I don’t wanna read a book about it. I think what’s true for fiction is also, broadly speaking, true for video blogs.
So that’s my opinion on the matter. I think all nerdfighters are role models. But I don’t think we should be role models in boring ways. And also I think we all need to remember the importance of decreasing worldsuck. In the end, I don’t think drinking a few beers at a party increases or decreases worldsuck. It may decrease worldsuck briefly for the time you are at the party, but it will increase worldsuck tomorrow when you’re hungover. And I think that’s okay. I mean, with things where they are, being worldsuck neutral is pretty impressive.
Hank, I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Ethan Youngerman: Good morning, Hank. It’s, uh, Tuesday. April 10th.
Hank, that was noted American Nerdfighter Ethan Youngerman, the creator of the Sublet Experiment, a play that is probably going to be performed inside my apartment. (Points to pimple) I tried to pop it but it just got mad. I don’t know about you, but I actually kind of do consider myself a role model, at least in some ways. I mean, I’m cognizant of the fact that there are young people watching this show, including, like, three year olds. By the way, wasn’t it adorable when a three year old commenter said your punishment should be having to build a house? I want a baby! They do such cute things! It’s inevitable that your behavior is shaped by the people around you, whether that means the people physically around you, like your parents, and your siblings, and your friends and coworkers. Or whether that means the people that are only virtually around you, like, say, Lindsay Lohan, or, Christiano Ronaldo.
So I do think that you have to be cognizant of the way that your behavior is helping shape the behavior of other people, and also the way your own behavior is being shaped by the other people around you. That’s why I’m not reading Perez Hilton dot com anymore. It’s started to make my brain go gooey. And then the goo tried to come out of my eye, and then I almost went blind.
But Hank, I do agree that a simplistic notion of role modeling is stupid. For instance I don’t think that anyone’s going to be driven to drink by the fact that you went to a party on Holy Saturday and then had a hangover on Easter Sunday. The fact of the matter is the way that we model behavior for the people around us and the way that they model behavior for us is a hell of a lot more complicated than just wanting to do what they do and wanting not to do what they don’t do.
For instance, the fact that Britney Spears seems to be addicted to methamphetamine makes me less likely to use methamphetamine, not more likely, because I don’t wanna end up like Britney Spears. This topic has been much on my mind lately because I received a series of e-mails last week from teenagers asking me the same question: What is my opinion of drunk driving? What is my opinion of drunk driving? I’m opposed to it! Who the hell isn’t opposed to drunk driving? Drunk drivers and jerks! That’s it! That’s the whole list! I’m not a drunk driver – I don’t even own a car – and I’m not a jerk! Ergo, I am naturally opposed to drunk driving. And here we get to the real crux of the matter, I think. If we spend the next 365 days making a video blog that discussed nothing except for the perils of drunk driving, it would suck. In my opinion, the question of whether or not people should drive drunk – they shouldn’t – is an important question. It’s just not a very interesting question.
There are lots of things that are important that don’t make good subjects for books. For example: (Does pushups) The proper way to perform a pushup is not an interesting topic for fiction. (Eats Mueslix) The price of Mueslix is important. But I don’t wanna read a book about it. I think what’s true for fiction is also, broadly speaking, true for video blogs.
So that’s my opinion on the matter. I think all nerdfighters are role models. But I don’t think we should be role models in boring ways. And also I think we all need to remember the importance of decreasing worldsuck. In the end, I don’t think drinking a few beers at a party increases or decreases worldsuck. It may decrease worldsuck briefly for the time you are at the party, but it will increase worldsuck tomorrow when you’re hungover. And I think that’s okay. I mean, with things where they are, being worldsuck neutral is pretty impressive.
Hank, I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: April 6: Nerdfighters Never Surrender
Good morning, Hank. It’s April 6th: Good Friday. Well, it’s Good Friday for me. For you, it’s just regular, heathen Friday. Hank, you will no doubt note that the zit has not gone away. I was gonna take Good Friday off, but then at the end of your puppet show yesterday you said, “John, I’ll see you tomorrow.” And I don’t like to disappoint you. So, here it is, tomorrow and you’re seeing me.
(from bed; without glasses) But I’m so tired!
(back in front of the bookcases) Let’s see what the commenters have to see about this subject. Commenter Quari writes, “Hey, I just wanted to say that you guys are awesome. I did have just one suggestion, however. You both seem, and I could be wrong, to be a bit down and not really wanting to make your bidaily videos. I propose that you have every eighth week off to regenerate your humor and energy. Keep up the good work!” Oh, I see what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to tempt me. You’re probably a popular person and you’re scared because you see what we’re doing. You see what the Nerdfighters are accomplishing and it worries you so you want us to take every eighth week off.
(from bed; without glasses) But I’m so tired!
(back in front of the bookcases) Let’s see what the commenters have to see about this subject. Commenter Quari writes, “Hey, I just wanted to say that you guys are awesome. I did have just one suggestion, however. You both seem, and I could be wrong, to be a bit down and not really wanting to make your bidaily videos. I propose that you have every eighth week off to regenerate your humor and energy. Keep up the good work!” Oh, I see what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to tempt me. You’re probably a popular person and you’re scared because you see what we’re doing. You see what the Nerdfighters are accomplishing and it worries you so you want us to take every eighth week off.
I’ll admit, it an attractive idea. But does injustice take every eighth week off? Does despair take every eighth week off? Does global warming take every eighth week off? Does Dick Cheney take every eighth week off from intentionally misleading the American people about the relationship between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda? Does orbital cellulitistake every eighth week off? Does US Weekly take every eighth week off? Does suck take every eighth week off?
No! And nor shall we!
I’m an English literature Nerdfighter! I don’t need to take days off to recharge. I just go to my room, read a couple stanzas of The Wasteland, and I’m good to go. We will stand and fight all year long, except for weekends and occasional holidays. Nerdfighters! (picture of a girl holding out her fists, on which she has written N-E-R-D-F-I-T-R) It reminds me of something the Ghetto Boyz once said. “Real ganster-ass Nerdfighters don’t run from nothin’ ‘cuz real gangster-ass Nerdfighters can’t run fast.”
Good news, Hank. The Foundation to Decrease Suck is on the march. We’ve just made our first gift of $100 to One Kid One World, an organization that helps refugees in Africa. Thanks to all the contributers including, most notably, you, Hank. In other news, congratulations on completing your punishment via sock puppet theatre. I would like to say, though, that as humiliating as those stories were they are not nearly humiliating enough. I think it’s important that all Brotherhood 2.0 viewers see the picture that you put up in the comments. Oh my God.
The plain fact of the matter, Hank, is that it’s one thing to look at a sock puppet that is ostensibly wearing lipstick and eyeshadow. And it’s quite another thing to look at (shows picture) Hank Green wearing black lipstick and eyeshadow. (laughs) Can we see it again please? (shows it and laughs some more) Oh, my God.
It’s true that I like The Cure a lot and that I was known to occasionally prowl the halls of Winterpark High School in ninth grade while wearing eyeliner, but I had the good sense never to let myself be photographed. Can we just do it one more time for people who might not have been watching earlier? Maybe you went out to get a sandwich or something and now ah- (shows picture; laughs) There he is! Dah! I love it! Thank you, God, most for this amazing picture of Hank.
Hank, I’ll see you on Monday. Happy Easter!
I’m an English literature Nerdfighter! I don’t need to take days off to recharge. I just go to my room, read a couple stanzas of The Wasteland, and I’m good to go. We will stand and fight all year long, except for weekends and occasional holidays. Nerdfighters! (picture of a girl holding out her fists, on which she has written N-E-R-D-F-I-T-R) It reminds me of something the Ghetto Boyz once said. “Real ganster-ass Nerdfighters don’t run from nothin’ ‘cuz real gangster-ass Nerdfighters can’t run fast.”
Good news, Hank. The Foundation to Decrease Suck is on the march. We’ve just made our first gift of $100 to One Kid One World, an organization that helps refugees in Africa. Thanks to all the contributers including, most notably, you, Hank. In other news, congratulations on completing your punishment via sock puppet theatre. I would like to say, though, that as humiliating as those stories were they are not nearly humiliating enough. I think it’s important that all Brotherhood 2.0 viewers see the picture that you put up in the comments. Oh my God.
The plain fact of the matter, Hank, is that it’s one thing to look at a sock puppet that is ostensibly wearing lipstick and eyeshadow. And it’s quite another thing to look at (shows picture) Hank Green wearing black lipstick and eyeshadow. (laughs) Can we see it again please? (shows it and laughs some more) Oh, my God.
It’s true that I like The Cure a lot and that I was known to occasionally prowl the halls of Winterpark High School in ninth grade while wearing eyeliner, but I had the good sense never to let myself be photographed. Can we just do it one more time for people who might not have been watching earlier? Maybe you went out to get a sandwich or something and now ah- (shows picture; laughs) There he is! Dah! I love it! Thank you, God, most for this amazing picture of Hank.
Hank, I’ll see you on Monday. Happy Easter!
April 3rd: Seattle!
Good morning, John. It’s Tuesday, April something. I’m in Washington. There’s wind turbines. I think wind turbines are pretty, but a lot of people seem to think that wind turbines are ugly and so they don’t want to put them on mountain ridges. But I don’t understand that. The third. It’s…it’s the third.
(looking at a metal tree) We went to Seattle to see some friends and for no other reason besides that. Well, we also wanted to see a comedy show (shows a clip) and, you know, eat some real food (cooked ducks) and do things that you can only do in a big city. Like drive. (some tunnels) Yeah, there was a lot of driving. Saw the Space Needle…from a car.
One of the awesomest parts of Seattle is the public market. (shows some clips of public market activities) Which is sort of a three-story-deep market with all kinds of strange things in it. Like, there’s street performers and there’s fish with stuff in their mouths. And people throwing fish, throwing fish around like crazy. Lots of ‘em. And then there was this girl, and she asked if they’d ever hit someone with a fish, and they said, “Well, not on purpose.” And she didn’t believe them, so they showed her.
And then there was this donut-making machine which was awesome and obviously has been there longer than Krispy Kreme has ever existed. And this guy who was just a wizard with donuts. I tell ya, a wizard. I’m pretty sure that there aren’t very many donut wizards, but this guy, uh, is pretty much the definition of donut wizard.
(in room) They were really good donuts, too. So I gotta say thanks to everybody in Seattle, everybody, that’s…that’s everybody. And if there’s any of you watching, thanks. Seattle is a great town. On top of that, special thanks go to Ashley, Jason, Brian, and Becca for showing us around the town and giving us a place to sleep and letting us play their video game. It was an awesome weekend, and I need an awesome weekend. I’m back home and facing punishment.
You know, you can have the best job in the world, but some days you’ll wake up and you won’t want to go to work. That’s just what work is. No one would pay you to do something that you’d just do anyway. This morning, I woke up, and I’m very sorry to you, John, and to all of our viewers. I didn’t want to make a video. I wanted to lay in bed all day. We had a really bad drive home. The pass was pretty much covered in two inches of ice. And it was very stressful even though I wasn’t even driving. Eh…Thank you, Katherine; oh, my God.
Yeah, this morning, I just…I wanted to stay in bed. We’d had too much fun this weekend and I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to make TV. I wanted to watch TV. And I did; I watched a little bit of TV, and it was good. And now I’m up, and I’m going, and I’m making a video. You know? I’m doing it. I’m showing you what happened in Seattle. And that’s good footage, that’s good stuff. And I’m making it. And you know I’m, I’m happy about it. And I’m glad that I kicked myself out of bed to do it, even though it’s, like, 6:00 in the evening now.
Thank you to the one person who has stuck up for me. And giving that $10 to the Campaign to Decrease Suck Levels Worldwide, that was very kind, but there’s only one of you, and I need 19 more before we can really get me off the hook here. So, I’d like to see those start rollin in. And, if not, I’m gonna have to figure out a punishment to do for Thursday. Obviously I haven’t figured out which punishment I’m going to do. You’re all just going to have to wait and see.
John, I’ll see you tomorrow.
(looking at a metal tree) We went to Seattle to see some friends and for no other reason besides that. Well, we also wanted to see a comedy show (shows a clip) and, you know, eat some real food (cooked ducks) and do things that you can only do in a big city. Like drive. (some tunnels) Yeah, there was a lot of driving. Saw the Space Needle…from a car.
One of the awesomest parts of Seattle is the public market. (shows some clips of public market activities) Which is sort of a three-story-deep market with all kinds of strange things in it. Like, there’s street performers and there’s fish with stuff in their mouths. And people throwing fish, throwing fish around like crazy. Lots of ‘em. And then there was this girl, and she asked if they’d ever hit someone with a fish, and they said, “Well, not on purpose.” And she didn’t believe them, so they showed her.
And then there was this donut-making machine which was awesome and obviously has been there longer than Krispy Kreme has ever existed. And this guy who was just a wizard with donuts. I tell ya, a wizard. I’m pretty sure that there aren’t very many donut wizards, but this guy, uh, is pretty much the definition of donut wizard.
(in room) They were really good donuts, too. So I gotta say thanks to everybody in Seattle, everybody, that’s…that’s everybody. And if there’s any of you watching, thanks. Seattle is a great town. On top of that, special thanks go to Ashley, Jason, Brian, and Becca for showing us around the town and giving us a place to sleep and letting us play their video game. It was an awesome weekend, and I need an awesome weekend. I’m back home and facing punishment.
You know, you can have the best job in the world, but some days you’ll wake up and you won’t want to go to work. That’s just what work is. No one would pay you to do something that you’d just do anyway. This morning, I woke up, and I’m very sorry to you, John, and to all of our viewers. I didn’t want to make a video. I wanted to lay in bed all day. We had a really bad drive home. The pass was pretty much covered in two inches of ice. And it was very stressful even though I wasn’t even driving. Eh…Thank you, Katherine; oh, my God.
Yeah, this morning, I just…I wanted to stay in bed. We’d had too much fun this weekend and I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to make TV. I wanted to watch TV. And I did; I watched a little bit of TV, and it was good. And now I’m up, and I’m going, and I’m making a video. You know? I’m doing it. I’m showing you what happened in Seattle. And that’s good footage, that’s good stuff. And I’m making it. And you know I’m, I’m happy about it. And I’m glad that I kicked myself out of bed to do it, even though it’s, like, 6:00 in the evening now.
Thank you to the one person who has stuck up for me. And giving that $10 to the Campaign to Decrease Suck Levels Worldwide, that was very kind, but there’s only one of you, and I need 19 more before we can really get me off the hook here. So, I’d like to see those start rollin in. And, if not, I’m gonna have to figure out a punishment to do for Thursday. Obviously I haven’t figured out which punishment I’m going to do. You’re all just going to have to wait and see.
John, I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: April 2nd: Punishments in the Ramble
(outside by a stream) Good morning, Hank. What's today? Uh, what's today, Tuesday? It's February 2nd.
The Yeti: No.
John: April 2nd. What is...?
The Yeti: It's Monday.
John: Good morning, Hank. It's Monday, April 2nd. I'm standing here in the Ramble in Central Park, our answer to the state of Montana. Hank, I'd like to show you the difference between your wilderness in Montana and our wilderness here in New York. The Yeti and I were walking happily along through the Ramble when we came across—you guessed it—porn. (showing several sheets of paper lying on the ground) I'm gonna have to shoot this at a wider angle so we don't offend our younger viewers, but trust me, it's very dirty.
Hank, I've been walking through the Ramble trying to think of your punishment. It's been hard. All the Nerdfighters have had such great suggestions; I just don't know which one to pick. I think I'll let you choose your own punishment—well, from a list of five. Broadly speaking, I think there are two kinds of punishments: embarrassment/humiliation punishments and pain punishments. So far, we've tended to emphasize pain punishments because pain is funny. But humiliation is also funny.
So my first suggestion is that you attend a senior water aerobics class. I'm sure they have one at the YMCA in Missoula. They do have a YMCA, don't they? Option 2: Have your chin waxed by a professional. Option 3: Act out your most embarrassing moment using hand puppets. Note: that had better be one embarrassing moment, Hank. I don't want you cheating me. If you're going to do that punishment, it had better be every bit as embarrassing as waxing your chin would be painful. Option 4: Convince people in downtown Missoula to sing verses from the nerdfighter song with you. Okay, for option 5 I'm going to get up close to a goose. I'm scared of geese, but it's gonna be awesome.
(sneaks up to a goose) I'm scared. (to the goose) No, we're friends! Friends. Friends. Friends. No? Friends. No! (the goose walks away running back up towards camera) Option 5: visit your local GM dealer and test drive a Hummer.
The Yeti: No.
John: April 2nd. What is...?
The Yeti: It's Monday.
John: Good morning, Hank. It's Monday, April 2nd. I'm standing here in the Ramble in Central Park, our answer to the state of Montana. Hank, I'd like to show you the difference between your wilderness in Montana and our wilderness here in New York. The Yeti and I were walking happily along through the Ramble when we came across—you guessed it—porn. (showing several sheets of paper lying on the ground) I'm gonna have to shoot this at a wider angle so we don't offend our younger viewers, but trust me, it's very dirty.
Hank, I've been walking through the Ramble trying to think of your punishment. It's been hard. All the Nerdfighters have had such great suggestions; I just don't know which one to pick. I think I'll let you choose your own punishment—well, from a list of five. Broadly speaking, I think there are two kinds of punishments: embarrassment/humiliation punishments and pain punishments. So far, we've tended to emphasize pain punishments because pain is funny. But humiliation is also funny.
So my first suggestion is that you attend a senior water aerobics class. I'm sure they have one at the YMCA in Missoula. They do have a YMCA, don't they? Option 2: Have your chin waxed by a professional. Option 3: Act out your most embarrassing moment using hand puppets. Note: that had better be one embarrassing moment, Hank. I don't want you cheating me. If you're going to do that punishment, it had better be every bit as embarrassing as waxing your chin would be painful. Option 4: Convince people in downtown Missoula to sing verses from the nerdfighter song with you. Okay, for option 5 I'm going to get up close to a goose. I'm scared of geese, but it's gonna be awesome.
(sneaks up to a goose) I'm scared. (to the goose) No, we're friends! Friends. Friends. Friends. No? Friends. No! (the goose walks away running back up towards camera) Option 5: visit your local GM dealer and test drive a Hummer.
I hope you enjoy your punishment. I'll see you tomorrow.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and I've got a message for all you "Free Hank" people. You want to free Hank? If 20 people give $10 to The Foundation to Decrease WorldSuck, Hank doesn't have to do a punishment at all.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and I've got a message for all you "Free Hank" people. You want to free Hank? If 20 people give $10 to The Foundation to Decrease WorldSuck, Hank doesn't have to do a punishment at all.
Tuesday, November 2
March 22nd: Book Club and Business Cards
(Hank has a box made of misprinted EcoGeek business cards on his head) Good morning, John. It’s Thursday, March 22nd. I just mixed a Misprinted Business Card Utilization idea with putting stuff on my head. Now all I have to do is put a misprinted business card in my pants and then put my pants on my head. Hmmm? (holds up box; puts box in pants; puts pants on head) So, I haven’t figured out what I’m gonna talk about today. Well, first I have to show you how I made this misprinted business card utilization idea. And second, I think I’m going to talk about my new edition to the Brotherhood 2.0 Book Club. (pants slide off head; shakes head)
A very long time ago a commenter suggested that I make a cube out of my misprinted business cards. And I thought he was kind of crazy. But then I realized all I needed was a little magic. (waves fingers in midair; business cards fly up and form into a perfect box) Okay, actually he sent me to a tutorial. You need six business cards. You actually will eventually need twelve, but start with six. They all have to be the exact same size, which is fine for me because all of mine are the same size.
Then, you take one and you bend it over the other (demonstrates). You end up with these little cups. You have to combine them using a lot of manual dexterity. Put them together (builds box) This is half the cube…this is when it starts to get really hard. Get this on camera because you have to hold everything while you’re doing it. one more piece and the cube will be done. Voila! Suddenly a surprisingly sturdy cube. Now, this is kind of ugly. What the tutorial advises is that you use these flappy things, here and here, and you use other little cups that you’ve made, and you slide them into your flappy things like so (demonstrates). Your face becomes a flat, pretty face instead of these tabby, ugly faces. So, now you just do that six times, and you’ve got this! (complete box) This is a beautiful little EcoGeek cube, that I’ve used now in my intros to my EcoGeek videos, which you will soon be able to see on ecogeek.org.
Now, everyone knows that I had to read We Wish to Inform You that Tomorrow We Will Be Killed with our Families. You didn’t have to read anything because the book I made you read was your book that you were writing because you needed to finish your book because you were past your deadline. Plus, all the people who watch Brotherhood 2.0 are John Green fans, and I think they would all hate me if I stood between you and finishing your book. So I’ve decided that you should read (holds the book up) World Changing: A User’s Guide to the 21st Century. Yes, it is this big. Yes, I am kidding. I considered having you read The God Delusion, but I think maybe that would be a little too inflammatory. So, instead, I’m asking you to read Bill McKibben’s new book, Deep Economy. Because I run EcoGeek, I’m getting a free copy of Deep Economy, and I’ll be reading it too because I’m probably going to be interviewing the author for my website. And it’d be good to know what the book's about first, and I’d like to talk about it with you before the interview, if possible, before the interview.
(with a tan purse on his head) Thank you to everyone who has taken my plea to put stuff on your heads so seriously. I really do believe that this is, at least in part, an opportunity to decrease WorldSuck. (turns head sideways) I look like a Trojan! (raises arm, pretending to carry a spear, trumpets) Doo-doo-doo-doo!
I hope you all won’t think I’m selfish when I say this. I mean, it’s great to see John with dumb stuff on his head, and I do like putting stuff on my own head, but I kind of want to see stuff on your head. So maybe we could set something up where people could send us pictures of stuff on their heads. And videos, and videos of stuff on their heads! And people doing stuff while stuff is on their heads! Yes, yes, I think this is a good idea. Anyhow, I’ll see ya' morrow.
A very long time ago a commenter suggested that I make a cube out of my misprinted business cards. And I thought he was kind of crazy. But then I realized all I needed was a little magic. (waves fingers in midair; business cards fly up and form into a perfect box) Okay, actually he sent me to a tutorial. You need six business cards. You actually will eventually need twelve, but start with six. They all have to be the exact same size, which is fine for me because all of mine are the same size.
Then, you take one and you bend it over the other (demonstrates). You end up with these little cups. You have to combine them using a lot of manual dexterity. Put them together (builds box) This is half the cube…this is when it starts to get really hard. Get this on camera because you have to hold everything while you’re doing it. one more piece and the cube will be done. Voila! Suddenly a surprisingly sturdy cube. Now, this is kind of ugly. What the tutorial advises is that you use these flappy things, here and here, and you use other little cups that you’ve made, and you slide them into your flappy things like so (demonstrates). Your face becomes a flat, pretty face instead of these tabby, ugly faces. So, now you just do that six times, and you’ve got this! (complete box) This is a beautiful little EcoGeek cube, that I’ve used now in my intros to my EcoGeek videos, which you will soon be able to see on ecogeek.org.
Now, everyone knows that I had to read We Wish to Inform You that Tomorrow We Will Be Killed with our Families. You didn’t have to read anything because the book I made you read was your book that you were writing because you needed to finish your book because you were past your deadline. Plus, all the people who watch Brotherhood 2.0 are John Green fans, and I think they would all hate me if I stood between you and finishing your book. So I’ve decided that you should read (holds the book up) World Changing: A User’s Guide to the 21st Century. Yes, it is this big. Yes, I am kidding. I considered having you read The God Delusion, but I think maybe that would be a little too inflammatory. So, instead, I’m asking you to read Bill McKibben’s new book, Deep Economy. Because I run EcoGeek, I’m getting a free copy of Deep Economy, and I’ll be reading it too because I’m probably going to be interviewing the author for my website. And it’d be good to know what the book's about first, and I’d like to talk about it with you before the interview, if possible, before the interview.
(with a tan purse on his head) Thank you to everyone who has taken my plea to put stuff on your heads so seriously. I really do believe that this is, at least in part, an opportunity to decrease WorldSuck. (turns head sideways) I look like a Trojan! (raises arm, pretending to carry a spear, trumpets) Doo-doo-doo-doo!
I hope you all won’t think I’m selfish when I say this. I mean, it’s great to see John with dumb stuff on his head, and I do like putting stuff on my own head, but I kind of want to see stuff on your head. So maybe we could set something up where people could send us pictures of stuff on their heads. And videos, and videos of stuff on their heads! And people doing stuff while stuff is on their heads! Yes, yes, I think this is a good idea. Anyhow, I’ll see ya' morrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: March 21st: Put Stuff on Your Head
(squinting his left eye due to a case of pink eye) Good morning, Hank. It’s Wednesday, March 21st. I assume you don’t want to look at my eye for the next three minutes, so let’s find something else to do. First, we’re gonna look at these beautiful pictures that the guide shot inside the abandoned cathedral, I mean theatre, in Detroit. (another picture) They do a much better job showing what it’s like to be inside than the video does. (another picture) Thanks to the guide at snweb.org for these pictures.
And finally, Hank, I’ve been thinking of what you should do when you’ve had a long day that’s kind of been bad, and your eye hurts, and it’s weepy and gross and no one wants to be near you and everyone looks at you funny. And it seems to me that the answer is simple. You just take stuff…
(with a box of Shredded Spoonfuls over his head) And you put it on your head! Wait, where’s the camera…where am I? Put it on your head!
(singing)
(with a green laptop case on head) When you’re sad and you’ve got pink-eye,
(a blue and while bowl) the world seems rough and suck levels are high,
(a pair of tan argyle socks) just remember there’s one thing that you can do.
(a copy of An Abundance of Katherines) And it always works, too.
(a map of Manhattan) You’ve gotta put stuff on your head, put stuff on your head.
(a blue tote bag) Well, it can be blue
(a red pair of shorts) or it can be red.
(a copy of mental_floss) The color doesn’t matter if it’s on your head!
(a picture of Woody Guthrie) Attach a photo of Woody right on to your mellon,
(a Christmas stocking with a reindeer) or affix a Christmas stocking to your cerebellum.
The only rule of thumb is don’t use a plastic bag…‘cause that could go really wrong.
(the blue tote bag) You gotta put stuff on your head, put stuff on your head.
Well, it could be blue
(the top of a Scrabble box) or it could be red.
(the Christmas stocking) The color doesn’t matter if it’s on your head! Thank you New York!
What’s on your head?
(the red shorts) Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
And finally, Hank, I’ve been thinking of what you should do when you’ve had a long day that’s kind of been bad, and your eye hurts, and it’s weepy and gross and no one wants to be near you and everyone looks at you funny. And it seems to me that the answer is simple. You just take stuff…
(with a box of Shredded Spoonfuls over his head) And you put it on your head! Wait, where’s the camera…where am I? Put it on your head!
(singing)
(with a green laptop case on head) When you’re sad and you’ve got pink-eye,
(a blue and while bowl) the world seems rough and suck levels are high,
(a pair of tan argyle socks) just remember there’s one thing that you can do.
(a copy of An Abundance of Katherines) And it always works, too.
(a map of Manhattan) You’ve gotta put stuff on your head, put stuff on your head.
(a blue tote bag) Well, it can be blue
(a red pair of shorts) or it can be red.
(a copy of mental_floss) The color doesn’t matter if it’s on your head!
(a picture of Woody Guthrie) Attach a photo of Woody right on to your mellon,
(a Christmas stocking with a reindeer) or affix a Christmas stocking to your cerebellum.
The only rule of thumb is don’t use a plastic bag…‘cause that could go really wrong.
(the blue tote bag) You gotta put stuff on your head, put stuff on your head.
Well, it could be blue
(the top of a Scrabble box) or it could be red.
(the Christmas stocking) The color doesn’t matter if it’s on your head! Thank you New York!
What’s on your head?
(the red shorts) Hank, I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: March 15, 2007: Decreasing Suck
Class: good morning Hank, it's Thursday.
Hank, I just got to my hotel room in Kalamazoo, Michigan. And you know what was waiting for me here? Strawberry hill, peeps, and nerds. Thanks, Kalamazoo.
And all evening long I've been thinking to myself: What is it that America wants to see me do with Nerds, Peeps and a bottle of strawberry hill? And then I realized: what America wants to know is whether or not a peep will float in a glass of strawberry hill.
Will it float? It floats! Look! It's a little ducky on a pink pond.
So there you have it, Hank. Peeps float in strawberry hill! "But wait", you say, "do nerds?" Hank, as you can see, I have a lot of grape nerds. And now, we're going to test them.
hmm... That looks delicious. Well Hank, the answer is that nerds do not float. Except for the lone nerd that attached itself to the peep. Smart nerd.
Hank, many people say that brotherhood 2.0 is not educational. But I would argue that it is educational. Because now we've all learned an important lesson, which is that if you find yourself in the open ocean, with 1000 peeps and 1000 nerds, you should cling to the peeps and let the nerds go. In profoundly disturbing news, it seems like strawberry hill turns purple nerds white. Let that be a lesson to all of you. If strawberry hill can strip purple nerds from their color, just think what it can do to a gastro-intestinal system.
(sings) S-s-something from the comments... we're gonna miss you Ze.
Peter writes: "what if your effort to decrease suck-levels actually makes suck-levels increase? What is the contingency plan? We need an exit strategy here!" Hank, just like Peter I'm profoundly concerned that we might accidently increase suck levels. If you think about it most of the suckiest things that ever happened started with an attempt to decrease suck levels. Like, for instance, you have to say that on the whole the steam engine has been a pretty good thing, but then on the other hand it sure was warm yesterday in Colorado. But here's the thing I'm thinking: the worst thing you can possibly do is not try to decrease suck levels. After all, that's what the first Brotherhood 2.0 Book Club book was about.
Hank, I just got to my hotel room in Kalamazoo, Michigan. And you know what was waiting for me here? Strawberry hill, peeps, and nerds. Thanks, Kalamazoo.
And all evening long I've been thinking to myself: What is it that America wants to see me do with Nerds, Peeps and a bottle of strawberry hill? And then I realized: what America wants to know is whether or not a peep will float in a glass of strawberry hill.
Will it float? It floats! Look! It's a little ducky on a pink pond.
So there you have it, Hank. Peeps float in strawberry hill! "But wait", you say, "do nerds?" Hank, as you can see, I have a lot of grape nerds. And now, we're going to test them.
hmm... That looks delicious. Well Hank, the answer is that nerds do not float. Except for the lone nerd that attached itself to the peep. Smart nerd.
Hank, many people say that brotherhood 2.0 is not educational. But I would argue that it is educational. Because now we've all learned an important lesson, which is that if you find yourself in the open ocean, with 1000 peeps and 1000 nerds, you should cling to the peeps and let the nerds go. In profoundly disturbing news, it seems like strawberry hill turns purple nerds white. Let that be a lesson to all of you. If strawberry hill can strip purple nerds from their color, just think what it can do to a gastro-intestinal system.
(sings) S-s-something from the comments... we're gonna miss you Ze.
Peter writes: "what if your effort to decrease suck-levels actually makes suck-levels increase? What is the contingency plan? We need an exit strategy here!" Hank, just like Peter I'm profoundly concerned that we might accidently increase suck levels. If you think about it most of the suckiest things that ever happened started with an attempt to decrease suck levels. Like, for instance, you have to say that on the whole the steam engine has been a pretty good thing, but then on the other hand it sure was warm yesterday in Colorado. But here's the thing I'm thinking: the worst thing you can possibly do is not try to decrease suck levels. After all, that's what the first Brotherhood 2.0 Book Club book was about.
In our lifetimes we're all gonna do things that accidently increase suck levels, but the true Nerdfighter is awesome enough to say "you know what? I've made a mistake, I increased suck levels worldwide, but I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, and I think we should change course so as to decrease suck levels in the future." Hank, that's why I'm greatful that so many people in the American government are true and awesome Nerdfighters. Oh, wait. Crap! I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo)
(sings) Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear.... I'm gonna let Hank finish the song.
Brotherhood 2.0: March 9, 2007: Peeptastic!
(John is wearing a handmade T-shirt that says "Kurt is Made of Awesome") Good morning Hank, it's Friday March 9th. My eye's still kinda funny. Hank on Wednesday afternoon for some reason I went out and bought a lot of peeps and I decided to eat them as fast as I could. At the time I didn't know that we would be introduced to Kurt, the Punk-Rock Nerdfighter, so I thought that I would prove how awesome I was by eating Peeps faster than you. I mean, not that everything is a contest between us. And, not that I feel compelled to win each one of those contests. So, I gave myself 3 minutes to eat as many Peeps as possible. I would like to show the results from that experiment.
I've got a whole stack of Peeps. (voice over video of eating Peeps) Hank, I may not like the taste of Peeps, but I sure do like the taste of sugar, so in the beginning I found it very easy to eat the Peeps. As you can see they're going in one after another. After all I've been on Weight Watchers for eight weeks. This felt very good. It's only 10 points for 15 Peeps! And then as you can see I began to slow down a little. The Ghostbusters and the stay-puff marshmallow man had begun to war inside me. Soon the Peeps began to hurt. They began to expand inside my stomach, growing like so many slowly inflating balloons. I felt a renewed sense of enthusiasm upon switching to the pink Peeps. I thought maybe by switching to the pink Peeps I would be able to eat Peeps quickly and efficiently proving myself to be the greatest Peeps eater in the history of the Green family. But my enthusiasm was short lived.
Hank in the world of competitive eating there is a phrase: "the wall of fat". The wall of fat is the wall that your stomach hits, when it's trying to expand and then it runs up against your subcutaneous fat. Thin eaters like Takeru Kobayashi, The greatest competitive eater in history, don't have to worry about the wall of fat. But I'm not thin yet Hank. I'm still a heavyweight according to the international boxing federation. So I began to hit the wall of fat. At this point all of the Peeps I could eat were inside my mouth, but there was the small matter from getting them from my mouth into my belly. And as you can see that process took quite a long time. There was so much chewing to do. Every time I thought I had swallowed the end of the Peeps, there was more Peeps to eat. Do you see that Hank? That is exactly what Peeps puke looks like. How do I know? Wait. At this point I think I can maybe still hold down the Peeps, and I think I can hold down the Peeps and I think it can- ah, no I'm not going to hold down the Peeps.
(back to John talking) Hank, be grateful I didn't take the video camera into the bathroom with me. I had, what is known in competitive eating circles as "a reversal of fortune". Hank in the end I ate 12 1/2 peeps in 3 minutes. You ate 12 1/2 peeps in 6 minutes. Kurt ate 12 peeps in a minute and a half. Scientific conclusion: It's not possible to eat more than 12 1/2 peeps in a single sitting. I'll see on Monday.
(After Brotherhood 2.0 Logo) There is now a link at brotherhood2.com, that allows you to contribute to the brotherhood 2.0 Fund for Decreasing Suck-levels Worldwide. So please contribute and help us do something about suck.
Brotherhood 2.0: March 7, 2007: Stress
Guy: Good morning, Hank!
Hank, those warm wishes come from Uncle Grambo of Whatevs.org. He and I were out quite late last night at Lindsey Robertson's birthday party. In an unrelated story, I don't feel very well. Thanks for doing such a great job with the Peeps punishment, I look forward to its completion tomorrow; and I'm pleased that the Brotherhood 2.0 Foundation for Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide is off to a roaring start thanks to your complete inability to eat Peeps quickly.
(John's rubbing his hands across his face) Phew. Hank, you may be wondering why today's video is a little late. It's because I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and I've had a very busy day. First, I spent three hours at the eye doctor. It was like this (a clip of a bored John) only it lasted much, much longer. Then they dilated my eyes so I couldn't see anything. (clip of John wiping his cheeks) Then, in a dimly lit room, my doctor told me I probably had nothing to worry about. (clip of John in dimly lit room)
I probably have nothing to worry about? If I probably have nothing to worry about, then I DEFINITELY have something to worry about. Don't tell me I probably have nothing to worry about; that's not helpful, tell me, "You're fine! Congratulations, good work on those eyes, kid." Then on the way home I talked on the phone to you during a terrible traffic jam (John in taxi, on phone) "Well, I know that certainly you didn't competively eat the Peeps."
Then I left my cell phone in his car. But because he's the world's nicest cab driver, he drove to my house and gave it to me. So everything worked out fine! I probably have nothing to worry about, and I lost my cell phone but then I got it back! I shouldn't be worried, I should be happy, so why am I worried? There's just this big bundle of stress that I can never get rid of.
I blame dad. I mean, if dad hadn't had cancer when he was my age, I probably wouldn't worry about having cancer. By the way, did you know you can get eyeball cancer? Very rare. You probably won't get it. BUT YOU MIGHT!
Then there's the big worry in my life that isn't even my worry; which is that the Yeti is working on her Master's thesis and it's extremely hard and extremely stressful and it just sort of occupies your whole life. I've never seen someone work so hard on something. This morning, I woke up and Sarah had written herself a to-do list on a post it, I want to read you that to do list:
-See picture of Dorian Gray at Butler Library.
Hank, those warm wishes come from Uncle Grambo of Whatevs.org. He and I were out quite late last night at Lindsey Robertson's birthday party. In an unrelated story, I don't feel very well. Thanks for doing such a great job with the Peeps punishment, I look forward to its completion tomorrow; and I'm pleased that the Brotherhood 2.0 Foundation for Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide is off to a roaring start thanks to your complete inability to eat Peeps quickly.
(John's rubbing his hands across his face) Phew. Hank, you may be wondering why today's video is a little late. It's because I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and I've had a very busy day. First, I spent three hours at the eye doctor. It was like this (a clip of a bored John) only it lasted much, much longer. Then they dilated my eyes so I couldn't see anything. (clip of John wiping his cheeks) Then, in a dimly lit room, my doctor told me I probably had nothing to worry about. (clip of John in dimly lit room)
I probably have nothing to worry about? If I probably have nothing to worry about, then I DEFINITELY have something to worry about. Don't tell me I probably have nothing to worry about; that's not helpful, tell me, "You're fine! Congratulations, good work on those eyes, kid." Then on the way home I talked on the phone to you during a terrible traffic jam (John in taxi, on phone) "Well, I know that certainly you didn't competively eat the Peeps."
Then I left my cell phone in his car. But because he's the world's nicest cab driver, he drove to my house and gave it to me. So everything worked out fine! I probably have nothing to worry about, and I lost my cell phone but then I got it back! I shouldn't be worried, I should be happy, so why am I worried? There's just this big bundle of stress that I can never get rid of.
I blame dad. I mean, if dad hadn't had cancer when he was my age, I probably wouldn't worry about having cancer. By the way, did you know you can get eyeball cancer? Very rare. You probably won't get it. BUT YOU MIGHT!
Then there's the big worry in my life that isn't even my worry; which is that the Yeti is working on her Master's thesis and it's extremely hard and extremely stressful and it just sort of occupies your whole life. I've never seen someone work so hard on something. This morning, I woke up and Sarah had written herself a to-do list on a post it, I want to read you that to do list:
-See picture of Dorian Gray at Butler Library.
-Pay bills.
-Call in to question the ideology of class
Call in to question the ideology of class? That sounds hard! I wish I could say I was stressed out because I was calling into question the ideology of class. I'm just stressed out because I have to do laundry. And, I might have eyeball cancer. I'll see you tomorrow.
Call in to question the ideology of class? That sounds hard! I wish I could say I was stressed out because I was calling into question the ideology of class. I'm just stressed out because I have to do laundry. And, I might have eyeball cancer. I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: Peeps and Genocide
Good morning John it's Tuesday, March 6th and I am entirely surrounded by 100 peeps. (in store) We found the peeps. The bunnies count as full-sized right? I think I’m gonna get the bunnies, cause they’re kinda more swallow-able. They look more like a shape that won’t choke me to death. I’ve just discovered something very interesting, it says that four bunnies are 31 grams and that they contain 33 grams of carbohydrates. There is actually more sugar than there is bunny in these bunnies. Good news on the cheapskate front, each of these things is only 99 cents. So I’m going to get out of the store paying exactly 6 dollars.
So now target has 6 of my dollars and I have 100 of their peeps. I would also like to announce that I have completed the first Brotherhood 2.0 book club book. Yes, I finished We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families by Philip Gourevitch and since I don’t have time to discuss that and eat 100 peeps, I’m going to discuss the book while eating 100 peeps. On your mark, get set, go.
Now there some discussion on brotherhood 2.0 about We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families and how it’s a book designed to make you feel guilty about something that already happened and there’s no use crying over spilled milk. 1 gallon per every dead person, 800,000 gallons of milk. But what Philip Gourevitch’s book was really about was understanding that something happened in Rwanda. Something very significant on a world-wide scale. Unlike eating peeps.
I only ate half of this one, why did I do that?
Beyond acknowledging it, it’s about understanding how something like that could happen. I mean, in a matter of days 800,000 people were killed. All you have to have is the right cocktail of International indecision, local alcoholism, long-term racism, and a couple of inflammatory people with control over the media and it is absolutely possible for completely normal, heathy people to become genocidal maniacs, to commit the worse crime that so far humanity is capable of committing. It wasn’t just bad people killing bad people it was a bad situation and that when we can recognize those ingredients being poured together in the stew again, we can put a lid on it before the fumes reach a nation-wide fervor and create a another genocidal scenario. World governments need to recognize that it’s possible and that individual citizens need to recognize that it’s possible so that they can pressure their governments.
Bla. (cough). That’s not me almost puking, that’s just the bad taste of the peeps. Oh, 5:16. I’m not going to be able to finish this one. It’s too late, I’m so glad. 6 minutes is up. That peep was just sticking to my finger, and I’m not gonna, I'm not gonna eat this half a peep. I had that many, which honestly I think is pretty good. (burp) I’m feeling kinda jittery. I really haven’t eaten anything else today, that is, that is all I’ve eaten, that is 100% of the food I’ve eaten today. It doesn’t feel very good though. I can’t I can’t see, huh hu- I hate their little eyes. So now I have to go online and contribute 87.5 dollars to the Brotherhood 2.0 foundation to decrease suck levels worldwide. Think what we could do with that money! Plus the 20 I already donated and plus the 20 you already donated, that’s like 127.5 dollars. Whew! Um, this video is longer then 4 minutes please do not punish me because I’m doing a punishment and we haven’t made that an official rule yet. But I’m making it a rule now, from now on video must be less then 4 minutes and this is the last one that will be more then 4 minutes. That is a rule as of tomorrow, which is when I will see you.
(After logo) Who wants peeps? (Shakes head and Peeps fly up under glasses)
So now target has 6 of my dollars and I have 100 of their peeps. I would also like to announce that I have completed the first Brotherhood 2.0 book club book. Yes, I finished We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families by Philip Gourevitch and since I don’t have time to discuss that and eat 100 peeps, I’m going to discuss the book while eating 100 peeps. On your mark, get set, go.
Now there some discussion on brotherhood 2.0 about We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families and how it’s a book designed to make you feel guilty about something that already happened and there’s no use crying over spilled milk. 1 gallon per every dead person, 800,000 gallons of milk. But what Philip Gourevitch’s book was really about was understanding that something happened in Rwanda. Something very significant on a world-wide scale. Unlike eating peeps.
I only ate half of this one, why did I do that?
Beyond acknowledging it, it’s about understanding how something like that could happen. I mean, in a matter of days 800,000 people were killed. All you have to have is the right cocktail of International indecision, local alcoholism, long-term racism, and a couple of inflammatory people with control over the media and it is absolutely possible for completely normal, heathy people to become genocidal maniacs, to commit the worse crime that so far humanity is capable of committing. It wasn’t just bad people killing bad people it was a bad situation and that when we can recognize those ingredients being poured together in the stew again, we can put a lid on it before the fumes reach a nation-wide fervor and create a another genocidal scenario. World governments need to recognize that it’s possible and that individual citizens need to recognize that it’s possible so that they can pressure their governments.
Bla. (cough). That’s not me almost puking, that’s just the bad taste of the peeps. Oh, 5:16. I’m not going to be able to finish this one. It’s too late, I’m so glad. 6 minutes is up. That peep was just sticking to my finger, and I’m not gonna, I'm not gonna eat this half a peep. I had that many, which honestly I think is pretty good. (burp) I’m feeling kinda jittery. I really haven’t eaten anything else today, that is, that is all I’ve eaten, that is 100% of the food I’ve eaten today. It doesn’t feel very good though. I can’t I can’t see, huh hu- I hate their little eyes. So now I have to go online and contribute 87.5 dollars to the Brotherhood 2.0 foundation to decrease suck levels worldwide. Think what we could do with that money! Plus the 20 I already donated and plus the 20 you already donated, that’s like 127.5 dollars. Whew! Um, this video is longer then 4 minutes please do not punish me because I’m doing a punishment and we haven’t made that an official rule yet. But I’m making it a rule now, from now on video must be less then 4 minutes and this is the last one that will be more then 4 minutes. That is a rule as of tomorrow, which is when I will see you.
(After logo) Who wants peeps? (Shakes head and Peeps fly up under glasses)
Brotherhood 2.0: March 5, 2007: Hank's Punishment
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, March 5th, and I am coming to you from the Yeti’s childhood bedroom. I’m sure that you’ve been thrilled to see the Free Hank movement that’s been going on in the comments. There have been posters (shows a group of rioters with a poster with Hank on it that says, “Free Hank”) and there have even been t-shirts (shows a white t-shirt with an screen print of Hank that says “Free Hank Green”).
Hank, it just goes to show what a vocal minority can do, they can make it seem like you didn’t do anything wrong at all. Like, we’re crazy to think that it was textual communication when you said “See you tomorrow” in text, when you were communicating with me. They'll just be like, “Free Hank”, because we said so; and the rest of us will be all like, “Well, we didn’t make t-shirts saying ‘Punish Hank’, (shrugs) so maybe we should free Hank.” No we shouldn’t free Hank. You committed a punishable offense and ye shall be punished.
However, ye vocal community that is the “Free Hank” movement has gotten me to thinking that maybe my punishment for you shouldn’t be so mean, as your punishments for me have been. So Hank, here’s your punishment; there’s the part that you’ll like: Peeps, and the part that you’ll hate: spending money. First, you will purchase 100 full sized Peeps, they can be pink, they can be yellow, they can be green, they can be whatever color you want, but they must be full-sized, and there must be 100 of them. According to the Internet, that’s going to cost you approximately $19, which I realized will be significantly more painful than waxing your chin, but I’m just getting started.
Then, in a six-minute period, you will eat as many Peeps as you can. Now, Hank, remember, I don’t want anyone to die during Brotherhood 2.0, it’s easy to aspirate on Peeps, please take your time, make sure you chew. Once the six-minute period has ended, you will count the Peeps you have not eaten, you will then distribute those Peeps to worthy recipients in the city of Missoula. Now here’s the catch, however many Peeps you don’t eat in that six-minute period, you will contribute that many dollars to a new bank account that I have set up. The bank account will be known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Fund For Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide, formerly known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Malitsa and Amy Concert Fund. Hank, we will use your contribution to this fund, and future contributions from us and possibly our viewers in order to increase the overall level of worldwide Awesomeness. For instance, maybe we’ll send Malitsa to a concert, and then after that, maybe we’ll help cure Malaria.
Hank, you can look at this as a punishment, but you can also look at is as a project. We’re starting something here, something important, something that is going to allow us to decrease the overall level of the World Suck. How much are we going to decrease Suck levels? That depends on how many Peeps you eat. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Hank, it just goes to show what a vocal minority can do, they can make it seem like you didn’t do anything wrong at all. Like, we’re crazy to think that it was textual communication when you said “See you tomorrow” in text, when you were communicating with me. They'll just be like, “Free Hank”, because we said so; and the rest of us will be all like, “Well, we didn’t make t-shirts saying ‘Punish Hank’, (shrugs) so maybe we should free Hank.” No we shouldn’t free Hank. You committed a punishable offense and ye shall be punished.
However, ye vocal community that is the “Free Hank” movement has gotten me to thinking that maybe my punishment for you shouldn’t be so mean, as your punishments for me have been. So Hank, here’s your punishment; there’s the part that you’ll like: Peeps, and the part that you’ll hate: spending money. First, you will purchase 100 full sized Peeps, they can be pink, they can be yellow, they can be green, they can be whatever color you want, but they must be full-sized, and there must be 100 of them. According to the Internet, that’s going to cost you approximately $19, which I realized will be significantly more painful than waxing your chin, but I’m just getting started.
Then, in a six-minute period, you will eat as many Peeps as you can. Now, Hank, remember, I don’t want anyone to die during Brotherhood 2.0, it’s easy to aspirate on Peeps, please take your time, make sure you chew. Once the six-minute period has ended, you will count the Peeps you have not eaten, you will then distribute those Peeps to worthy recipients in the city of Missoula. Now here’s the catch, however many Peeps you don’t eat in that six-minute period, you will contribute that many dollars to a new bank account that I have set up. The bank account will be known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Fund For Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide, formerly known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Malitsa and Amy Concert Fund. Hank, we will use your contribution to this fund, and future contributions from us and possibly our viewers in order to increase the overall level of worldwide Awesomeness. For instance, maybe we’ll send Malitsa to a concert, and then after that, maybe we’ll help cure Malaria.
Hank, you can look at this as a punishment, but you can also look at is as a project. We’re starting something here, something important, something that is going to allow us to decrease the overall level of the World Suck. How much are we going to decrease Suck levels? That depends on how many Peeps you eat. I’ll see you tomorrow.
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