So Hank this morning the first thing I did was I got up and I went to look at YouTube, uh, and I was like, well that's weird, I don't usually see Hank's face on the front page of YouTube. That's a little- OH MY GOD WE GOT FEATURED! Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, July 25th. Hank you're getting so many comments that there's no way you can respond to all of them. So, uh, I'm going to do it for you. Until my four minute deadline I'm going to read and answer as many YouTube comments as I can. Hank, I know you're wondering, you're wondering how am I gonna know, John, if it's you or if it's a YouTuber when you're reading? The answer is that when it's a YouTuber I'm not going to have green hair, and when it's me I am going to have green hair.
(YouTuber) LOL what a sexy geek!
Actually he's a sexy nerd, but that's a common mistake.
(YouTuber) It's assio not akio. No it's ahkio not akio. No it's not, dumbass, it's ashio not akio. No it's ahkio, no it's akio, no it's oshkosh b'gosh!
OK, once and for all it's assio stop bothering him!
(YouTuber) You guys look like the Proclaimers.
Really? Did the Proclaimers have green hair?
(YouTuber) Who ever made this is a nerd.
Yes, that's the idea. We're nerds.
(YouTuber) Funny but could you look any dorkier?
Yes he could look dorkier. He could have spotty green hair.
(YouTuber) Why are dogs scared of vacuums but not of peanut butter faces?
That's a really good question. Maybe it's because vacuums are scary whereas peanut butter faces are made of awesome.
Nigeliscool657 writes: get a life, nerd.
Your screen name is Nigeliscool657, did 656 people before you have the screen name Nigeliscool? Furthermore to best of my knowledge no one in human history who is cool has ever had the screen name blank is cool ergo you are a Nerdfighter, sorry, live with it. It's a good thing.
(YouTuber) What's a Nerdfighter?
A Nerdfigher is like a regular person except instead of being composed out of, like, tissues and cells and organs, they're made out of awesome. Nerdfighters do stuff like hang out at the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants and uh, (image of pillow) embroider pillows. Hank look at those embroidered pillows! They even put my pants on them!
(YouTuber) This was so jokes. You have real skills.
Uh, this isn't really a response to that comment, but wouldn't it be great if instead of saying cool we always said jokes? Yeah, we just got featured on the front page of YouTube, it was pretty jokes. Man, the mountain goats are so jokes. Hey is it hot outside? No, it's pretty jokes.
(YouTuber) Umm, can you say obsession? Oh right, that's what you are. Cough cough. Get a life.
Uh, when you say cough cough get a life do you mean cough get a life cough? Because (coughs) get a life isn't funny, but (cough)get a life(cough) that's funny.
Pisstaker writes: Geek.
Your screen name is Pisstaker and you called Hank a geek? Um, I have a couple problems with the screen name Pisstaker. The big one is this: who isn't a piss taker? Like, how does being a piss taker set you apart from the crowd?
Kush45 writes: Got anything better to do? Like make some money? Get a job? Harry Potter doesn't care about you cuz he's not real.
Harry Potter isn't real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don't know who you are or what your name is or where you're from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter's real and you're not.
Rustyjusty123 asks: can I put your face on the MySpace?
I've heard a lot about the MySpace and I think it would be fine if you put Hank's picture on the MySpace.
(YouTuber) Wow, he's 27. He looks like my little brother. My little brother's ten.
He looks like my little brother too, and I think he's awesome!
So that's all the questions I can get through. Hank congratulations. I don't even know how to celebrate I'm so happy. I think I'm gonna put silly string in my hair and then do my happy dance. (sprays) The Yeti is going to be really mad when she gets home and sees the carpet! Happy dance time! (dances) YES! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label John. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 9
July 23rd: The Tickling of the Innards
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, July 23rd and today we're going to learn how many Q-tips we can put in an ear. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Six Q-tips fit in one ear! (whispers) Are the new viewers gone yet? Hank you may be wondering why I'm lying in bed looking a little feverish. It's because I am a little feverish. This weekend the Yeti and I went to the Sandwich Antique Fair, which is located in Sandwich, Illinois. And we got a lot of stuff for the new house, like for instance we got a dining room table. (shot of old TV) And we got this weird TV from the 1960s that looks kind of like a diver's helmet.
But it's not just antiques you can get at the Sandwich Antiques Fair, you can also get upper respiratory infections with fever and achy-ness. So that's nice.
(shot of sign with It'll tickle yore innards on it) We could have gotten this good lookin Mountain Dew sign but it was too expensive. I do kind of feel like my innards are being tickled, but not in a good way. The one thing we couldn't find in Sandwich, Illinois? And this was a bit of a surprise to me, a sandwich. All I wanted was sliced turkey on white bread. Was that too much to ask, Sandwich, Illinois?
(coughs) Jeez Hank, it just occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have made this video. Maybe my flu is transmittable via video blog. That would suck. I don't wanna make you sick. But the marriage to Brotherhood 2.0 is kind of an sickness and health, richer poorer, til 2008 do us part kind of thing. So, I'll see you tomorrow.
But it's not just antiques you can get at the Sandwich Antiques Fair, you can also get upper respiratory infections with fever and achy-ness. So that's nice.
(shot of sign with It'll tickle yore innards on it) We could have gotten this good lookin Mountain Dew sign but it was too expensive. I do kind of feel like my innards are being tickled, but not in a good way. The one thing we couldn't find in Sandwich, Illinois? And this was a bit of a surprise to me, a sandwich. All I wanted was sliced turkey on white bread. Was that too much to ask, Sandwich, Illinois?
(coughs) Jeez Hank, it just occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have made this video. Maybe my flu is transmittable via video blog. That would suck. I don't wanna make you sick. But the marriage to Brotherhood 2.0 is kind of an sickness and health, richer poorer, til 2008 do us part kind of thing. So, I'll see you tomorrow.
Monday, November 8
Brotherhood 2.0: July 17: Topless Dancer
Good morning Hank it's Tuesday, July 17th, the day of my punishment. Hank in your punishment video, by the way pretty hilarious, you said that you didn't know where to get green hair dye that you can spray on. I didn't know where to get green spray on hair dye either, but fortunately Indianapolis has something called 86th Street. 86th Street is like a normal street except it contains all possible commercial entities. So this morning I got up, I got on 86th Street, I went to the Walgreens, I went to the Salvation Army, I went to the Goodwill, and I went to the party story. I got green spray on hair dye but I think that that's gonna have to actually wait until Thursday, since you didn't do yours yet.
I have really really really really big pants look Hank. (sticks arms down pants up to mid arm) They're huge! And I got a belt for my really really huge pants. I think it's a girl belt, but I don't think it matters, I mean, you just wore lipstick.
Now since my punishment is to recreate a mix of two pictures. First this picture: Oh boy. And secondly this picture, I've also had to find some medals. Hank I have three medals: First my Alabama Library Association author award. Second the medal I got for being an Audie Award finalist. And third a medal I created myself using an Ethernet cable and a button that a Nerdfighter gave me that says ask me how you can join the Evil Baby Orphanage. Oh, and also I got a bow-tie.
Alright Hank, let's do it! (dances) I know what you're wondering Hank, you're wondering first why is your chest making noise and second where did all the medals go? (Taps chest, which clinks) OK, OK, I gotta get psyched up. Oh! I forgot about the glasses! I can't very well recreate this picture without the glasses! (has giant ones on) Do you like these? No. These make me look like the bastard child of Harry Potter and Harry Caray. Fortunately I have these (new glasses) unfortunately I can't see anything out of them! Where are you?
We're gonna do it this time. (Music, dancing, slowly takes of shirt) Really Hank, is this a punishment for me or the audience? (Does pose) Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) I'm dancing, I'm dancing, I can't see anything, I'm dancing, I'm dancing, and (poses and falls) OK! I'm OK! Nothin's broke.
I have really really really really big pants look Hank. (sticks arms down pants up to mid arm) They're huge! And I got a belt for my really really huge pants. I think it's a girl belt, but I don't think it matters, I mean, you just wore lipstick.
Now since my punishment is to recreate a mix of two pictures. First this picture: Oh boy. And secondly this picture, I've also had to find some medals. Hank I have three medals: First my Alabama Library Association author award. Second the medal I got for being an Audie Award finalist. And third a medal I created myself using an Ethernet cable and a button that a Nerdfighter gave me that says ask me how you can join the Evil Baby Orphanage. Oh, and also I got a bow-tie.
Alright Hank, let's do it! (dances) I know what you're wondering Hank, you're wondering first why is your chest making noise and second where did all the medals go? (Taps chest, which clinks) OK, OK, I gotta get psyched up. Oh! I forgot about the glasses! I can't very well recreate this picture without the glasses! (has giant ones on) Do you like these? No. These make me look like the bastard child of Harry Potter and Harry Caray. Fortunately I have these (new glasses) unfortunately I can't see anything out of them! Where are you?
We're gonna do it this time. (Music, dancing, slowly takes of shirt) Really Hank, is this a punishment for me or the audience? (Does pose) Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) I'm dancing, I'm dancing, I can't see anything, I'm dancing, I'm dancing, and (poses and falls) OK! I'm OK! Nothin's broke.
Brotherhood 2.0: July 13: Outside
Good morning Hank, it's Friday. Hank, that's the view outside of my back yard. The view that I am generally looking at while I'm writing. As you know I've never taken a lot of stock in nature. I mean, I'm in favor of the environment and everything, but my general policy is that we should protect it by keeping ourselves distant from it. I'm generally a big fan of inside. In fact I believe that the entire reason human beings created inside was so that we wouldn't have to deal with outside anymore. And I've always found it endlessly amusing that people choose to be outside. Camping, backpacking, when our ancestors when through all this trouble to make inside for our comfort and happiness. Going outside just seems dismissive to your ancestors. Let's face it Hank, Nanny and Papa worked hard all their lives so that we could live inside.
But ever since I moved to Indiana, I find my distaste for outside kind of beginning to want. In fact, Hank, I am so enamored with outside that I am now going to show you a nature-themed Nerdfighters photo. Remember Nerdfighters, SPF 30 or above. (photo of Nerdfighters written in sand) That's right baby, we may be pasty, but Nerdfighters can hang out at the beach. I mean I still don't like the occupants of outside. For instance I don't like mice, and I don't like moles. There's a family of raccoons that lives under our deck. I don't like the raccoons. But I am starting to enjoy working outside. Although it's a screened in porch, so it's only kind of half outside. In fact Hank, maybe screened in is the exact right amount of outside. It occurs to me that I could probably hike the Appalachian trail as long as I had a screened in enclosure around me at all times.
Hank I'm looking forward to doing my punishment on Tuesday. I've already gotten some medals of some kind together, and this weekend I'm gonna get myself to the thrift store, get me some big baggy pants, maybe one of those old belts like I used to have, some green hairspray. Oh, speaking of the green hairspray: obviously I don't want you to just spray paint a green mohawk into your head. I want you to spray paint a green mohawk into your head and recreate the Goth picture.
OK Hank, I'm gonna go back inside and continue my attempt to find the perfect song to dance to during my punishment. I mean obviously if you're gonna be a shirtless surprisingly fat guy recreating the look of a shirtless amazingly skinny guy, you need a great song. Incidentally anyone with suggestions for that song is welcome to share them with me. Hank, I'll see you on Monday.
But ever since I moved to Indiana, I find my distaste for outside kind of beginning to want. In fact, Hank, I am so enamored with outside that I am now going to show you a nature-themed Nerdfighters photo. Remember Nerdfighters, SPF 30 or above. (photo of Nerdfighters written in sand) That's right baby, we may be pasty, but Nerdfighters can hang out at the beach. I mean I still don't like the occupants of outside. For instance I don't like mice, and I don't like moles. There's a family of raccoons that lives under our deck. I don't like the raccoons. But I am starting to enjoy working outside. Although it's a screened in porch, so it's only kind of half outside. In fact Hank, maybe screened in is the exact right amount of outside. It occurs to me that I could probably hike the Appalachian trail as long as I had a screened in enclosure around me at all times.
Hank I'm looking forward to doing my punishment on Tuesday. I've already gotten some medals of some kind together, and this weekend I'm gonna get myself to the thrift store, get me some big baggy pants, maybe one of those old belts like I used to have, some green hairspray. Oh, speaking of the green hairspray: obviously I don't want you to just spray paint a green mohawk into your head. I want you to spray paint a green mohawk into your head and recreate the Goth picture.
OK Hank, I'm gonna go back inside and continue my attempt to find the perfect song to dance to during my punishment. I mean obviously if you're gonna be a shirtless surprisingly fat guy recreating the look of a shirtless amazingly skinny guy, you need a great song. Incidentally anyone with suggestions for that song is welcome to share them with me. Hank, I'll see you on Monday.
Sunday, November 7
Brotherhood 2.0: Harry and the Potters are Nerdfighters!
(sit up) Good morning Hank. (sit up) It's Wednesday. (sit up) I'm getting my abs in shape (sit up) for my punishment. Also, welcome to my basement. What do you think?
Hank, the light in the basement isn't very good. Let's go outside. Is it bad that my abs kind of hurt after those four sit-ups? Ok, Hank, I have to make this video super fast because I gotta go out tonight, and also I have to get back to revising my new book.
By the way, Hank, I have decided that my new book is definitely going to be called Paper Towns unless I change my mind again. Do you like that title? I mean, I know it's not super commercial, but it is the perfect title for the actual book.
It's interesting that my puff levels generally are not very high, but then the puff level just right here in this area is extraordinarily high. (pets head) Puff. Puff. Puff.
Hank, I do have a small piece of bad news regarding my punishment: I seem to have thrown away all of my academic decathlon medals.
By the way, Hank, I have decided that my new book is definitely going to be called Paper Towns unless I change my mind again. Do you like that title? I mean, I know it's not super commercial, but it is the perfect title for the actual book.
It's interesting that my puff levels generally are not very high, but then the puff level just right here in this area is extraordinarily high. (pets head) Puff. Puff. Puff.
Hank, I do have a small piece of bad news regarding my punishment: I seem to have thrown away all of my academic decathlon medals.
(pictures) Hank, I know what you're wondering- you're wondering, 'Is that really Harry and the Potters doing the Nerdfighter hand thing? Hank, it is! That's some Nerdfighters with Harry and the Potters! Yay Harry and the Potters! They're like the number one Harry Potter band in the world!
Commenter Margaret said something about how my academic decathlon medals prove that I'm smart, but I'm afraid that that's not actually the case. The way academic decathlon works is that there are three tiers of students. You've got your A students, your B students and your C students. A students have GPAs of 3.75 and above, B students have GPAs above 3.0 and then C students have GPAs below 2.99. Basically, what those medals mean is that I was the third best C student in the state of Alabama, which is not quite the same thing as being smart.
Hey Hank, I'm wondering if we can add just one more thing to the punishment: the commenters in My Pants have been crazy about the idea that we're going to dye our hair green. I think that's a great idea, except that most green hair dyes last for about eight weeks, which is a little long if you're about to turn thirty years old. I mean, if I was twenty-six, twenty-seven, eight weeks of green hair, no problem. But when you're thirty, it just seems kinda sad. Fortunately there's that awesome spray-on green hair, pictured here. So Hank, here's my idea- you spray paint this part, the mohawk part, and then I'll spray paint all of these parts, the parts that aren't mohawk-y, and then between the two of us, we'll have a whole head of green hair.
Hank, I hope it's a nice day in Missoula. It's certainly beautiful here in Indianapolis. I'm going to go and enjoy the day now. I'll see you tomorrow.
Commenter Margaret said something about how my academic decathlon medals prove that I'm smart, but I'm afraid that that's not actually the case. The way academic decathlon works is that there are three tiers of students. You've got your A students, your B students and your C students. A students have GPAs of 3.75 and above, B students have GPAs above 3.0 and then C students have GPAs below 2.99. Basically, what those medals mean is that I was the third best C student in the state of Alabama, which is not quite the same thing as being smart.
Hey Hank, I'm wondering if we can add just one more thing to the punishment: the commenters in My Pants have been crazy about the idea that we're going to dye our hair green. I think that's a great idea, except that most green hair dyes last for about eight weeks, which is a little long if you're about to turn thirty years old. I mean, if I was twenty-six, twenty-seven, eight weeks of green hair, no problem. But when you're thirty, it just seems kinda sad. Fortunately there's that awesome spray-on green hair, pictured here. So Hank, here's my idea- you spray paint this part, the mohawk part, and then I'll spray paint all of these parts, the parts that aren't mohawk-y, and then between the two of us, we'll have a whole head of green hair.
Hank, I hope it's a nice day in Missoula. It's certainly beautiful here in Indianapolis. I'm going to go and enjoy the day now. I'll see you tomorrow.
July 9: The Punishment Fiasco
Good morning Hank it's Monday, July 9th. Welcome to my guest bedroom. By the way for the last two weeks I've been giving you a tour of my house. Have you noticed? Hank over the last few days several commenters and also some people in My Pants have said that you and I, uh, textually communicated on purpose because we miss getting punished. Would that it were so. The fact of the matter is that we're just really stupid. I mean, I don't think you're that stupid, I think that you were probably doing six at once and just happened to textually communicate with me. I think that I'm stupid. I don't enjoy punishments, although I do enjoy you getting punished.
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
Hank to prove to you that I didn't get punished on purpose, I'm going to recreate the actual textual communication we had. So I'm sittin around, working on my new book, thinking about what the title should be and all of a sudden, on my screen, up pops a video chat request from you. And I say to myself, well, you know, video isn't text so that's allowed. So I hit OK, but for some reason it doesn't work, doesn't go through. And then I get a text screen pops up that says OK I'm here now. And I'm like, is that Katherine? Did Katherine go up on Hank's IM? And so I say, Katherine? And the person responds, no Hank. And then I'm like (dances) YES YES YES YES YES YES! And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get punished. He's so punished. And then I just wanted to tell ya, Hank. I just wanted to tell you how punished you were. And so I said Dude, you are so punished! And then I hit return.
(image of a Nerdfighters live here sign) Wait, I ju- we just need to take a quick time out from this story. Just to say Nerdfighters!
Honestly Hank? Even after I typed enter, even after I saw the words Dude you are so punished pop up on the screen. I was just like dobidydoobidydabidydabididoodoo. And then I noticed that you weren't writing back, and I was like, why isn't Hank writing back to me? And then I said, oh, right it's because we're not textually communicating. Doh! Stupid stupid stupid! GAHH I'm gonna get punished!
I think that we have your punishment all set up in My Pants. It look like your punishment is definitely going to involve wait- can we- can we go ahead and cue up the- (image of Hank in makeup) YES! Yes! It's going to involve recreating that! I don't know the other details, but it's definitely going to involve recreating that picture.
As for my punishment, it doesn't seem like anyone's said a lot of anything, and Hank maybe you could go into My Pants and help people talk about it and pick stuff that you think would be particularly harmful to me.
Oh, and Hank, quick side note: I know that we can't veto our punishments, obviously, because then they wouldn't be punishments, but I do think that our wives should have the right to veto punishments that the Nerdfighters suggest for us. Because nothing against the Nerdfighters, but sometimes they suggest punishments that are sort of, uh, maniacal. Like, oh, I think you should have to do your happy dance in public 200 times and then after that you should have to saw off your leg. Now the fact that I don't want to saw off my leg shouldn't figure into the punishment thing at all. But the fact that the Yeti doesn't want me to saw off my leg that's a deal breaker to me. So I hope we can agree: wives have veto power. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow. But more importantly, hopefully by Thursday, I will see (image) this guy again!
July 5th: The Regions Bank Freedom Blast
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, July 5th. Hank, I don't know if you know this, but yesterday was America's big birthday, everybody was really excited about it, it was all over the news. And of course the way that we celebrate America's birthday is by pretending to have a war. Uh, if you don't think that we celebrate America's birthday is by pretending to have a war, listen to this (shot of explosions) That's me recording from a roof deck in downtown Indianapolis, Indiana. Hank, Indiana is one of those states where all fireworks are legal. Like, not just bottle rockets and the little things that spin and whippersnappers but also, uh, bombs.
Hank I've always believed that there's a very short list of people who should be able to own explosives. People who work in demolition, the Army, and- and of course Wiley Coyote. If you're not directly employed in the demolition business, or in the Armed Forces, or Wiley Coyote I cannot imagine a reason why you need to have a bomb! But the state of Indiana doesn't agree with me. They give rockets and bombs to pretty much anyone over the age of 18 who's able to convince a person at a fireworks stand that they aren't a terrorist.
Hank I will admit when I was younger fireworks used to make me feel patriotic, but now they just make me feel scared. (crouched) I mean look at me Hank, that was pretty much my posture for the entire evening. For God's sakes, there were bombs going off all around us and they were all being set off by drunk people. (shot of people) look at those guys! Those guys aren't demolition experts!
John (in video): That's coming at my head. OK, OK, OK, OK, I'm having some anxiety.
(image of goldfish spelling NerdFighters) Look Hank, goldfish Nerdfighters!
And then once the regular people were done firing off all of their fireworks, it was time for the government to fire off its fireworks. And Hank, here's where the evening got pretty fricken nuts. In Indianapolis there's a radio station, Q95 and if you tune to that radio station during the fireworks display they kind of play a soundtrack for the fireworks. It's like an officially sanctioned thing. The fireworks themselves are known as the Regions Bank Freedom Blast ha, I'm sorry, it's called the Freedom Blast, Hank, I mean, you can't make this crap up. And so the Freedom Blast has a soundtrack and fortunately the person that Sarah and I were with knew about this so we were able to listen to the soundtrack.
I hope you're ready to believe in America again, Hank, because what you're about to see and hear is going to change you. (fireworks with soundtrack) Wait, are they mashing up Neil Diamond with Martin Luther King? (fireworks with soundtrack) You aren't seriously mashing up Neil Diamond and Martin Luther King. (fireworks, and Martin Luther King can be heard with Neil Diamond) (John bangs head on table) Don't do that. You're embarrassing us! So Hank here's the long and short of it: last night we celebrated our independence by having a pretend war that was sponsored by a bank. Welcome to America. I'll see you tomorrow.
Hank I've always believed that there's a very short list of people who should be able to own explosives. People who work in demolition, the Army, and- and of course Wiley Coyote. If you're not directly employed in the demolition business, or in the Armed Forces, or Wiley Coyote I cannot imagine a reason why you need to have a bomb! But the state of Indiana doesn't agree with me. They give rockets and bombs to pretty much anyone over the age of 18 who's able to convince a person at a fireworks stand that they aren't a terrorist.
Hank I will admit when I was younger fireworks used to make me feel patriotic, but now they just make me feel scared. (crouched) I mean look at me Hank, that was pretty much my posture for the entire evening. For God's sakes, there were bombs going off all around us and they were all being set off by drunk people. (shot of people) look at those guys! Those guys aren't demolition experts!
John (in video): That's coming at my head. OK, OK, OK, OK, I'm having some anxiety.
(image of goldfish spelling NerdFighters) Look Hank, goldfish Nerdfighters!
And then once the regular people were done firing off all of their fireworks, it was time for the government to fire off its fireworks. And Hank, here's where the evening got pretty fricken nuts. In Indianapolis there's a radio station, Q95 and if you tune to that radio station during the fireworks display they kind of play a soundtrack for the fireworks. It's like an officially sanctioned thing. The fireworks themselves are known as the Regions Bank Freedom Blast ha, I'm sorry, it's called the Freedom Blast, Hank, I mean, you can't make this crap up. And so the Freedom Blast has a soundtrack and fortunately the person that Sarah and I were with knew about this so we were able to listen to the soundtrack.
I hope you're ready to believe in America again, Hank, because what you're about to see and hear is going to change you. (fireworks with soundtrack) Wait, are they mashing up Neil Diamond with Martin Luther King? (fireworks with soundtrack) You aren't seriously mashing up Neil Diamond and Martin Luther King. (fireworks, and Martin Luther King can be heard with Neil Diamond) (John bangs head on table) Don't do that. You're embarrassing us! So Hank here's the long and short of it: last night we celebrated our independence by having a pretend war that was sponsored by a bank. Welcome to America. I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: July 2nd: The Law of Compound Nerdfighting
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, July 2nd, the first day of the second half of Brotherhood 2.0. It's also coincidentally the second day of National Finish A Revision Of Your Book I Mean Seriously Come On Month, also known by its acronym, NAFAROYBIMSCOM. Incidentally, Hank, I still haven't settled on a title.
Hank, holy crap! You and me and the Nerdfighters raised many, many thousands of dollars for Kiva.org over the weekend. Hey Hank, do you remember in my video on Thursday when I said that we couldn't personally open a microfinance bank because it takes really wealthy people to open a microfinance bank, and so instead we would have to rely on Kiva.org?
It turns out that when I said that, I was forgetting about the law of compound Nerdfighting! The law of compound Nerdfighting is sort of similar to the law of compound interest which, Hank, I'm sure you remember from when Dad tried to tell us about it a million times when we were kids. As far as I can remember, the law of compound interest states that you have to put a little bit of money in the bank when you're a kid, and then by the time you're old, it's become a lot of money. And the reason for that is this very complex fiscal thing known as magic.
The law of compound Nerdfighting is similar in that it also involves magic. The law of compound Nerdfighting states that 100 Nerdfighters as a group can do things that 100 Nerdfighters as individuals could not do. (image of T-shirt) In this example seen in this t-shirt that you own, Hank, we see that 100 Nerdfighters together can beat up a popular kid. By the way, Hank, I've been thinking that maybe the opposite of Nerdfighter is Decepticon. Do you like it?
What I learned this weekend is that we actually probably could have started a microfinance bank if we'd only known about the law of compound Nerdfighting, because people were extremely generous. I mean, we have funded a lot of loans now, and over the course of next week, we're going to continue to fund loans. And we're going to fund loans like crazy! We're gonna help people open bakeries and shoe stores. The other day we helped a guy who wanted to start a lasso factory. A lasso factory? That's so awesome! How come I didn't think of that?
But there's only one problem, Hank. The Nerdfighters are probably getting kind of tapped out. What we need is more Nerdfighters. Hank, I never really craved more Nerdfighters until this weekend. I mean, there's plenty of people out there who are Nerdfighters who just don't know about the term yet. Hank, what we have is an acute Nerdfighter shortage! We gotta do something about this. Hank, I think broadly speaking, there are four kinds of people in the world. First, you have your Decepticons, you know, not Nerdfighters. Then you have your Nerdfighters, you know, me, you, Tobias, Otter, all the commenters, all the people who hang out in My Pants, all the people who write Nerdfighting songs, that kind of thing. Then you've got what I like to call your Nerdfighters-In-Training, or your NiTs. Your NiTs are your lurkers, your occasional viewers, that kind of thing. Then you've got people who would be Nerdfighters, but they don't even know what a Nerdfighter is yet. That's very troubling, Hank, because those are the people who could be giving to Kiva.org to pick up where the current Nerdfighters are having to leave off because they're out of money to lend.
So Hank, what I'm gonna propose is a series of mass promotions! First, we have to promote the Nerdfighters to being Senior Executive Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to promote the NiTs to being Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to take all the people who do not yet know that they are Nerdfighters, and we are gonna promote them to NiTs! Hank, we have to find a way to tell these people that they're NiTs. And then we have to tell them to loan money to Kiva.org because the law of compound Nerdfighting says it clearly, Hank, the more there are of us, the fewer there will be of them. I'll see you tomorrow.
Hank, holy crap! You and me and the Nerdfighters raised many, many thousands of dollars for Kiva.org over the weekend. Hey Hank, do you remember in my video on Thursday when I said that we couldn't personally open a microfinance bank because it takes really wealthy people to open a microfinance bank, and so instead we would have to rely on Kiva.org?
It turns out that when I said that, I was forgetting about the law of compound Nerdfighting! The law of compound Nerdfighting is sort of similar to the law of compound interest which, Hank, I'm sure you remember from when Dad tried to tell us about it a million times when we were kids. As far as I can remember, the law of compound interest states that you have to put a little bit of money in the bank when you're a kid, and then by the time you're old, it's become a lot of money. And the reason for that is this very complex fiscal thing known as magic.
The law of compound Nerdfighting is similar in that it also involves magic. The law of compound Nerdfighting states that 100 Nerdfighters as a group can do things that 100 Nerdfighters as individuals could not do. (image of T-shirt) In this example seen in this t-shirt that you own, Hank, we see that 100 Nerdfighters together can beat up a popular kid. By the way, Hank, I've been thinking that maybe the opposite of Nerdfighter is Decepticon. Do you like it?
What I learned this weekend is that we actually probably could have started a microfinance bank if we'd only known about the law of compound Nerdfighting, because people were extremely generous. I mean, we have funded a lot of loans now, and over the course of next week, we're going to continue to fund loans. And we're going to fund loans like crazy! We're gonna help people open bakeries and shoe stores. The other day we helped a guy who wanted to start a lasso factory. A lasso factory? That's so awesome! How come I didn't think of that?
But there's only one problem, Hank. The Nerdfighters are probably getting kind of tapped out. What we need is more Nerdfighters. Hank, I never really craved more Nerdfighters until this weekend. I mean, there's plenty of people out there who are Nerdfighters who just don't know about the term yet. Hank, what we have is an acute Nerdfighter shortage! We gotta do something about this. Hank, I think broadly speaking, there are four kinds of people in the world. First, you have your Decepticons, you know, not Nerdfighters. Then you have your Nerdfighters, you know, me, you, Tobias, Otter, all the commenters, all the people who hang out in My Pants, all the people who write Nerdfighting songs, that kind of thing. Then you've got what I like to call your Nerdfighters-In-Training, or your NiTs. Your NiTs are your lurkers, your occasional viewers, that kind of thing. Then you've got people who would be Nerdfighters, but they don't even know what a Nerdfighter is yet. That's very troubling, Hank, because those are the people who could be giving to Kiva.org to pick up where the current Nerdfighters are having to leave off because they're out of money to lend.
So Hank, what I'm gonna propose is a series of mass promotions! First, we have to promote the Nerdfighters to being Senior Executive Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to promote the NiTs to being Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to take all the people who do not yet know that they are Nerdfighters, and we are gonna promote them to NiTs! Hank, we have to find a way to tell these people that they're NiTs. And then we have to tell them to loan money to Kiva.org because the law of compound Nerdfighting says it clearly, Hank, the more there are of us, the fewer there will be of them. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Hank, speaking of us and them, there's an interesting conversation about post-colonial theory going on in the comments. That's the kind of thing that maybe we could talk about in My Pants. Oh, and that's one more difference between people who aren't Nerdfighters and people who are NiTs and people who are Nerdfighters. People who aren't yet Nerdfighters are like, (talking into pants) Why is that guy talking about post-colonial theory in his pants? And then people who are NiTs are like, Oh man, I should really join that forum. And people who are Nerdfighters are already starting the thread.
June 28: How to Be a Microfinancier
(Dominican children) Buenos Dias!
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, June 28th. Welcome to my new backyard. Hank today we're gonna learn how to be microfinanciers. It's kinda like being a regular financier, only it's free, and instead of being evil it's good. Hank, the Dominican Republic resort we stayed at was pretty swank, but we took one day to go to the real Dominican Republic, where, like, regular people live. And what we learned there was that regular people in the Dominican Republic live in poverty. In fact, about 60% of people live in extreme poverty in the Dominican Republic, and about half of those people live on less than one dollar a day. People in extreme poverty have almost no interaction with regular banking. In fact, when we were there we saw people who didn't know if you signed a check on the front or on the back.
They don't have any opportunity to have access to banking because they don't have the kind of collateral that loans require. So they end up in this cycle of poverty, right, where they can't get a loan to get a business, and without a small business they don't have any job opportunities because there aren't really any jobs because the economy doesn't function very well and the reason the economy doesn't function well is because no one can get loans to start businesses.
So microfinance organizations take the poorest of the poor and they offer them opportunities. Now the only type of other loan that these people can get are from loan sharks, who often charge a thousand percent annual interest. Hank when we were in the Dominican Republic we met with that wonderful group of women who were just about to graduate from their microfinance training. They'd spent five weeks learning the basics of banking and also thinking about what kind of businesses they were going to start, and then we showed up for their graduation ceremony which was held in their neighborhood.
The woman on the bottom left in this picture was opening up a shoe store, the woman next to her was going to sell Avon products. The woman directly two rows behind her was opening up a cafeteria.
Here's the remarkable thing about this microfinance organization we met with: Their loan payback rate is more than 98%. That's higher than like, most American banks. Because these women know that this is an excellent opportunity to have a chance to get out of poverty, they're really good about paying back their loans. And then once they pay back that loan, they take out larger loans to continue to grow their business. In fact, as we were driving back from that neighborhood, we saw a sprawling complex of restaurants that was all started by one woman who got one one hundred and eighty dollar microfinance loan.
Hank, I think we can agree- (coughs) hold on. (coughs) I swallowed a gnat. Stupid nature. Hank, I think we can agree that microfinance is an awesome idea. The problem is that usually the people who start these microfinance organizations are like really really rich. However, there is now this amazing website, kiva.org, K-I-V-A-.-O-R-G that allows you to be a microfinancier. You give money directly to someone who's living in extreme poverty, and then they pay you back. Hank, it's like charity, only it doesn't cost you any money!
So, Hank, as a project, I propose that you and I over the next week give several gifts to Kiva.org. Maybe the Nerdfighters will join us. Hank, I've gotta go back inside and paint my office, I'll see you tomorrow. (cute Dominican children)
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday, June 28th. Welcome to my new backyard. Hank today we're gonna learn how to be microfinanciers. It's kinda like being a regular financier, only it's free, and instead of being evil it's good. Hank, the Dominican Republic resort we stayed at was pretty swank, but we took one day to go to the real Dominican Republic, where, like, regular people live. And what we learned there was that regular people in the Dominican Republic live in poverty. In fact, about 60% of people live in extreme poverty in the Dominican Republic, and about half of those people live on less than one dollar a day. People in extreme poverty have almost no interaction with regular banking. In fact, when we were there we saw people who didn't know if you signed a check on the front or on the back.
They don't have any opportunity to have access to banking because they don't have the kind of collateral that loans require. So they end up in this cycle of poverty, right, where they can't get a loan to get a business, and without a small business they don't have any job opportunities because there aren't really any jobs because the economy doesn't function very well and the reason the economy doesn't function well is because no one can get loans to start businesses.
So microfinance organizations take the poorest of the poor and they offer them opportunities. Now the only type of other loan that these people can get are from loan sharks, who often charge a thousand percent annual interest. Hank when we were in the Dominican Republic we met with that wonderful group of women who were just about to graduate from their microfinance training. They'd spent five weeks learning the basics of banking and also thinking about what kind of businesses they were going to start, and then we showed up for their graduation ceremony which was held in their neighborhood.
The woman on the bottom left in this picture was opening up a shoe store, the woman next to her was going to sell Avon products. The woman directly two rows behind her was opening up a cafeteria.
Here's the remarkable thing about this microfinance organization we met with: Their loan payback rate is more than 98%. That's higher than like, most American banks. Because these women know that this is an excellent opportunity to have a chance to get out of poverty, they're really good about paying back their loans. And then once they pay back that loan, they take out larger loans to continue to grow their business. In fact, as we were driving back from that neighborhood, we saw a sprawling complex of restaurants that was all started by one woman who got one one hundred and eighty dollar microfinance loan.
Hank, I think we can agree- (coughs) hold on. (coughs) I swallowed a gnat. Stupid nature. Hank, I think we can agree that microfinance is an awesome idea. The problem is that usually the people who start these microfinance organizations are like really really rich. However, there is now this amazing website, kiva.org, K-I-V-A-.-O-R-G that allows you to be a microfinancier. You give money directly to someone who's living in extreme poverty, and then they pay you back. Hank, it's like charity, only it doesn't cost you any money!
So, Hank, as a project, I propose that you and I over the next week give several gifts to Kiva.org. Maybe the Nerdfighters will join us. Hank, I've gotta go back inside and paint my office, I'll see you tomorrow. (cute Dominican children)
June 26: The American Library Association Parties
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank! Helloooo!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Man: I can't just say good morning Hank.
John: Julie.
Julie: Yes?
John: Will you say good morning Hank?
Julie: I'm gonna make good morning Hank above 700 librarians?
John: Will you say, will you just-
Julie: Good morning Hank.
(in room) Not above 700 librarians, Hank, but along side with them.
700 librarians: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
That was a pretty great good morning Hank! Hank a lot of great things happened at the American Library Association Conference this weekend and if you're wondering why you're looking at this very strange shot instead of any of those great things, like me hanging out with Judy Blume or me going to a lot of fun parties, it's because I accidentally taped over all that stuff with 30 minutes of this stuff.
(inside) GAAAAAHHHHH (hits head) Stupid! Fortunately you will get to listen to me harangue a reader.
John: Are you a dumper?
Girl: No.
John: You're only friends cause he wants you back.
Girl: No, it was mutual actually.
John: It's never mutual.
(in room) In fact, pretty much the only things that I have footage of are: Nerdfighter Cynthia Lord winning the Newbery Honor for her book, Rules. And the Printz Award reception on Monday night.
Speaker: When I returned from mid-winter in Seattle, I was urged to check out the Brotherhood 2.0 website. (crowd laughs and applauds) Where John had a video blog of our phone call. It was fun to see his happy dance over the good news. I tuned in again the next day to see John's brother, Hank, toast him with 'here's to silver medals, to not quite doing as good as you did last time?'
(in room) Hank, the ALA convention is always fun, but this one was particularly fun because it was so Hank-tastic! Everywhere I went people were like, hey you're Hank Green's brother! And I was like, yeah, I also write books and they were like, right but you're Hank Green's brother! Four different people asked me if I knew your phone number. And I was like, he's my brother. Yes. I know his phone number. And they said, can I have it? And I said, No! People kept telling me how cute you are and how funny you are and how much they like you. So, Hank, if you like young adult literature so much I would encourage you to write so of it, because you're bound to be an instant hit.
All the Printz speeches were great, Markus Zusak, Tobin Anderson, Gene Yang, and Sonya Hartnett all were wonderful. I dunno how I did, but here's the funniest snippet, I'll let you judge.
John (at awards): People still think of librarians as these shy, retiring, flowers. When ever I hear someone stereotype a librarian like that, I always counter their story with a true one of my own. This is entirely true. I say that last year, at a librarian conference in New Orleans I learnt how hard librarians party during an evening of casual gambling when I happened across a librarian passed out drunk, sprawled across the lounge carpet of Harry's Casino. Spilled drink in one hand, and a promising first novel in the other. (laughter and applause)
Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
Woman: Hi Hank!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank! Helloooo!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Man: I can't just say good morning Hank.
John: Julie.
Julie: Yes?
John: Will you say good morning Hank?
Julie: I'm gonna make good morning Hank above 700 librarians?
John: Will you say, will you just-
Julie: Good morning Hank.
(in room) Not above 700 librarians, Hank, but along side with them.
700 librarians: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
That was a pretty great good morning Hank! Hank a lot of great things happened at the American Library Association Conference this weekend and if you're wondering why you're looking at this very strange shot instead of any of those great things, like me hanging out with Judy Blume or me going to a lot of fun parties, it's because I accidentally taped over all that stuff with 30 minutes of this stuff.
(inside) GAAAAAHHHHH (hits head) Stupid! Fortunately you will get to listen to me harangue a reader.
John: Are you a dumper?
Girl: No.
John: You're only friends cause he wants you back.
Girl: No, it was mutual actually.
John: It's never mutual.
(in room) In fact, pretty much the only things that I have footage of are: Nerdfighter Cynthia Lord winning the Newbery Honor for her book, Rules. And the Printz Award reception on Monday night.
Speaker: When I returned from mid-winter in Seattle, I was urged to check out the Brotherhood 2.0 website. (crowd laughs and applauds) Where John had a video blog of our phone call. It was fun to see his happy dance over the good news. I tuned in again the next day to see John's brother, Hank, toast him with 'here's to silver medals, to not quite doing as good as you did last time?'
(in room) Hank, the ALA convention is always fun, but this one was particularly fun because it was so Hank-tastic! Everywhere I went people were like, hey you're Hank Green's brother! And I was like, yeah, I also write books and they were like, right but you're Hank Green's brother! Four different people asked me if I knew your phone number. And I was like, he's my brother. Yes. I know his phone number. And they said, can I have it? And I said, No! People kept telling me how cute you are and how funny you are and how much they like you. So, Hank, if you like young adult literature so much I would encourage you to write so of it, because you're bound to be an instant hit.
All the Printz speeches were great, Markus Zusak, Tobin Anderson, Gene Yang, and Sonya Hartnett all were wonderful. I dunno how I did, but here's the funniest snippet, I'll let you judge.
John (at awards): People still think of librarians as these shy, retiring, flowers. When ever I hear someone stereotype a librarian like that, I always counter their story with a true one of my own. This is entirely true. I say that last year, at a librarian conference in New Orleans I learnt how hard librarians party during an evening of casual gambling when I happened across a librarian passed out drunk, sprawled across the lounge carpet of Harry's Casino. Spilled drink in one hand, and a promising first novel in the other. (laughter and applause)
Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
Saturday, November 6
Brotherhood 2.0: June 22: The Senator
Good morning Hank, it's Friday, June 22nd, you'll never guess where I am, unless you guess an airport, in which case, you guess right. I'm always in airports! Hank, the day before yesterday I moved to Indianapolis, Indiana. And today I'm moving to Washington, D.C. Fortunately this move is only for five days. I'm going to the American Library Association's Annual Conference, which is, like, the librarian conference for the entire year. It's huge! Don't worry I will be reporting back on Tuesday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.
Brotherhood 2.0: June 20: Moving
(driving) Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, June 20th and we are on our way to Indianapolis. I would look at you, but I'm driving a gigantic moving van. (shot of van at house)
(shot of boxes, John pops up) Hank we made it to Indianapolis! Although, as you will probably notice, puff levels are a little bit high. I hope this is the worst I ever look on Brotherhood 2.0. How am I gonna meet Judy Blume with this hair? Hey Hank, you know what's fun? Driving a 24 foot moving truck halfway across the country. It's particularly fun when it's raining! Because then you don't just feel like you're steering a run away train, you feel like you're steering a run away train that's on skis! Also, you know what's really really long? Pennsylvania.
Hey Hank, congratulations on The Weather Channel, I haven't even seen it yet, but Mom says it's awesome.
So it ended up taking, like, 18 hours, but eventually we made it to Indianapolis. I'm really happy I'm here. (shot of flowers) Look, Hank, nature! I mean, you know, when I was in New York it was almost impossible to contribute to the global water crisis, but here it's really easy. (shot of watering) (sings) the worldwide water shortage crisis is all my fault! (back inside) OK, uh, quick question Hank, what do I do about all this grass? I mean, I used, like, eight baths worth of water in like ten minutes trying to make it less brown.
Hank I haven't even seen your video from yesterday, so I'm gonna go to Starbucks, upload this, watch yours, and then take a nap that's gonna last, like, 30 hours. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hey Hank, I don't even know if you know this, but we were sort of, like, halfway featured on YouTube last week, and one of our videos, I think it was the one from June 4th, ended up getting a lot of comments from YouTubers. And let me tell you Hank, YouTubers are smart (mouths no they aren't) All I'm gonna say is that these YouTubers were definitely not Nerdfighters. Hey, speaking of which, Hank what's the opposite of a Nerdfighter? Anyway Hank, I would read some of those comments to you, but unfortunately most of them do not contain any English words what so ever. It's just sort of a random string of letters with an occasional profanity. But one YouTuber did write a legible comment. He said: I notice you are a nerd, why? Why? Why am I a nerd? Why? Hank, Nerdfighters, why are we nerds? And why are we proud to be nerds? By the way, any Nerdfighters who are also YouTubers, can go to YouTube and give the video from June 4th a high rating, and it might be featured again.
(shot of boxes, John pops up) Hank we made it to Indianapolis! Although, as you will probably notice, puff levels are a little bit high. I hope this is the worst I ever look on Brotherhood 2.0. How am I gonna meet Judy Blume with this hair? Hey Hank, you know what's fun? Driving a 24 foot moving truck halfway across the country. It's particularly fun when it's raining! Because then you don't just feel like you're steering a run away train, you feel like you're steering a run away train that's on skis! Also, you know what's really really long? Pennsylvania.
Hey Hank, congratulations on The Weather Channel, I haven't even seen it yet, but Mom says it's awesome.
So it ended up taking, like, 18 hours, but eventually we made it to Indianapolis. I'm really happy I'm here. (shot of flowers) Look, Hank, nature! I mean, you know, when I was in New York it was almost impossible to contribute to the global water crisis, but here it's really easy. (shot of watering) (sings) the worldwide water shortage crisis is all my fault! (back inside) OK, uh, quick question Hank, what do I do about all this grass? I mean, I used, like, eight baths worth of water in like ten minutes trying to make it less brown.
Hank I haven't even seen your video from yesterday, so I'm gonna go to Starbucks, upload this, watch yours, and then take a nap that's gonna last, like, 30 hours. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hey Hank, I don't even know if you know this, but we were sort of, like, halfway featured on YouTube last week, and one of our videos, I think it was the one from June 4th, ended up getting a lot of comments from YouTubers. And let me tell you Hank, YouTubers are smart (mouths no they aren't) All I'm gonna say is that these YouTubers were definitely not Nerdfighters. Hey, speaking of which, Hank what's the opposite of a Nerdfighter? Anyway Hank, I would read some of those comments to you, but unfortunately most of them do not contain any English words what so ever. It's just sort of a random string of letters with an occasional profanity. But one YouTuber did write a legible comment. He said: I notice you are a nerd, why? Why? Why am I a nerd? Why? Hank, Nerdfighters, why are we nerds? And why are we proud to be nerds? By the way, any Nerdfighters who are also YouTubers, can go to YouTube and give the video from June 4th a high rating, and it might be featured again.
June 18th: Leaving New York City
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, June 18th, the day of my last video from New York. I'll miss a lot of things about New York. I'll miss its nannies, its rich kids, its funny dogs. I'll miss its funny cats. I'll miss its excellent public transportation system, its astonishingly low crime rate. I'll miss the everything now-ness of this place. I'll miss its hustle, and I'll miss my friends. And I'll also miss this walk. (music plays over walk in New York past and into park end at view of city at pond).
Friday, November 5
Brotherhood 2.0: June 14: Good News/Bad News
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday I have good news and bad news.
First: the good news, (raises cord) Yes!! Thanks to about 35 thousand residents of the Dominican Republic we managed to get our silver magic cord that takes the ideas from inside the camera and puts them inside the computer. From the big city, which is like an hour and a half away, to the little city, which is here. YES!
And now the bad news, Hank, and I really can address this video to you because you went off to the beach or whatever to use the internet magic phone to talk to the Katherine, but anyway, we had been planning all week for an exciting Brotherhood 2 moment of hilarity. About six weeks ago my cousin Braxton called me and he said, John I have good news and I have great news. And I said, oh, well, let's start with the good news, and he said, my wife and I are going to have our first child. And I said, wow, that is really really good news, I can't imagine what the great news is. And then Braxton said, John, the great news is this: in the Dominican Republic they have miniature donkey polo.
Miniature donkey polo! Now before any of you animal rights nerdfighters get mad at me let me quickly point out that miniature donkey polo is not inhumane. Witness for example: Chistopher Robin and Eeyore? Huh, huh? Getting ridden by Christopher Robin was the only thing that ever made Eeyore happy. Add to the long list of things I thought I would never say but ended up saying on Brotherhood 2.0 "ridden by Christopher Robin." Anyway Hank, I've spent the last six weeks looking forward to miniature donkey polo and then I called this morning because the miniature donkey polo was scheduled for six o'clock and they said that it had been cancelled due to heat. I don't wanna exploit the donkeys, but we're in the Dominican Republic. How can you cancel something due to heat? It's always hot here! So unfortunately our reunion is going to have to end without donkey polo.
Anyway Hank, it's been a great week, I've loved hanging out with you, it's been every bit as fun as the Growing Pains theme promised it would be. I think we've also micro finance and poverty and what life is really like in this country and I think we're looking forward to making those videos when we get back home to regular video equipment land. And really I think the only way this trip could have been better is if our grandparents hand been here and if Katherine had been here. I mean, without them it does feel a little bit like a family reuni instead of a family reunion. Anybody? Anybody? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Spelling jokes? Any one? No? OK. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
First: the good news, (raises cord) Yes!! Thanks to about 35 thousand residents of the Dominican Republic we managed to get our silver magic cord that takes the ideas from inside the camera and puts them inside the computer. From the big city, which is like an hour and a half away, to the little city, which is here. YES!
And now the bad news, Hank, and I really can address this video to you because you went off to the beach or whatever to use the internet magic phone to talk to the Katherine, but anyway, we had been planning all week for an exciting Brotherhood 2 moment of hilarity. About six weeks ago my cousin Braxton called me and he said, John I have good news and I have great news. And I said, oh, well, let's start with the good news, and he said, my wife and I are going to have our first child. And I said, wow, that is really really good news, I can't imagine what the great news is. And then Braxton said, John, the great news is this: in the Dominican Republic they have miniature donkey polo.
Miniature donkey polo! Now before any of you animal rights nerdfighters get mad at me let me quickly point out that miniature donkey polo is not inhumane. Witness for example: Chistopher Robin and Eeyore? Huh, huh? Getting ridden by Christopher Robin was the only thing that ever made Eeyore happy. Add to the long list of things I thought I would never say but ended up saying on Brotherhood 2.0 "ridden by Christopher Robin." Anyway Hank, I've spent the last six weeks looking forward to miniature donkey polo and then I called this morning because the miniature donkey polo was scheduled for six o'clock and they said that it had been cancelled due to heat. I don't wanna exploit the donkeys, but we're in the Dominican Republic. How can you cancel something due to heat? It's always hot here! So unfortunately our reunion is going to have to end without donkey polo.
Anyway Hank, it's been a great week, I've loved hanging out with you, it's been every bit as fun as the Growing Pains theme promised it would be. I think we've also micro finance and poverty and what life is really like in this country and I think we're looking forward to making those videos when we get back home to regular video equipment land. And really I think the only way this trip could have been better is if our grandparents hand been here and if Katherine had been here. I mean, without them it does feel a little bit like a family reuni instead of a family reunion. Anybody? Anybody? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Spelling jokes? Any one? No? OK. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
June 13: Dominican Debacles
Buenos dias, John, es Miercoles trece de Junio. Yo soy triste. Porque yo misplaced la fire wire cable. Yo tengo recordar el video usiendo la MacBook iSight camera. How do you say sh*t in Spanish? Kaka!
Anyway I had a bunch of stuff that I was gonna include in this video, but I can't because it's on the camera, and no matter how much I rub the video tape on the MacBook the video tape won't get inside the MacBook. It is pretty annoying and I am a little bit angry. It's been a very interesting day and the last part was not so much fun. But the beginning part was. You may have noticed that it is a Wednesday, and thus I have a song. Now, this may not be as cool as it would have been if I had had my footage, but it is still a song and it is very short so you won't have to sit through much of it anyways. It's about my family.
(sings) My family
Is getting crazy
27 today
With two more on the way
Bill and Fran and Mom and Dad
Mike Gillian, John, Sarah, Mike Nanny
Popa Thomas, Sanders, Charles,
Walker, Rachel, Charles, Allie, Braxton, Mary
Christian, Taylor and Katherine
Elizabeth, Grace, Katherine, Me.
And that's just on my mom's side.
(spoken) I hope that some of you enjoyed that, I didn't have my guitar so I got to use Garage Band for the first time to actually make the music, which was interesting to do, I dunno that I'm very good at it yet. I might be getting better. Especially because for next Wednesday I have a very exciting, at least to me, project that will utilize Garage Band heavily.
What John and I did today was extremely cool. Now it's been a little bit disturbing to be in the Dominican Republic just laying on the beach drinking Pina Coladas when we know that not very far away there are a lot of people in some very bad situations. And my dad was actually able to get us an opportunity to visit some of the people in those situations and it was really really awesome. It was just awesome to see what the Dominican Republic is actually like. Here in the hotel where my family is staying, it's just completely isolated from it. Just as isolated as the United States is. So we were very lucky to be invited into this village. And you are gonna get to see some of that, just not today.
We learned a very interesting thing from a very interesting man today. And that is that the people of Haiti are flooding across the border into the Dominican Republic because their situation is so much worse than the people here. At the same time the people of the Dominican Republic are flooding across the border into Puerto Rico, because the situation in Puerto Rico is so much better than the situation in the Dominican Republic. And then the people in Puerto Rico are flooding into the United States of America because the situation in the United States is so much better than the situation in Puerto Rico! And the people of the United States have been saying a lot of really nice things about the Netherlands lately. Toobias? Here we come!
Let's go find John. John?
John: Yes?
I can see you right now.
Anyway I had a bunch of stuff that I was gonna include in this video, but I can't because it's on the camera, and no matter how much I rub the video tape on the MacBook the video tape won't get inside the MacBook. It is pretty annoying and I am a little bit angry. It's been a very interesting day and the last part was not so much fun. But the beginning part was. You may have noticed that it is a Wednesday, and thus I have a song. Now, this may not be as cool as it would have been if I had had my footage, but it is still a song and it is very short so you won't have to sit through much of it anyways. It's about my family.
(sings) My family
Is getting crazy
27 today
With two more on the way
Bill and Fran and Mom and Dad
Mike Gillian, John, Sarah, Mike Nanny
Popa Thomas, Sanders, Charles,
Walker, Rachel, Charles, Allie, Braxton, Mary
Christian, Taylor and Katherine
Elizabeth, Grace, Katherine, Me.
And that's just on my mom's side.
(spoken) I hope that some of you enjoyed that, I didn't have my guitar so I got to use Garage Band for the first time to actually make the music, which was interesting to do, I dunno that I'm very good at it yet. I might be getting better. Especially because for next Wednesday I have a very exciting, at least to me, project that will utilize Garage Band heavily.
What John and I did today was extremely cool. Now it's been a little bit disturbing to be in the Dominican Republic just laying on the beach drinking Pina Coladas when we know that not very far away there are a lot of people in some very bad situations. And my dad was actually able to get us an opportunity to visit some of the people in those situations and it was really really awesome. It was just awesome to see what the Dominican Republic is actually like. Here in the hotel where my family is staying, it's just completely isolated from it. Just as isolated as the United States is. So we were very lucky to be invited into this village. And you are gonna get to see some of that, just not today.
We learned a very interesting thing from a very interesting man today. And that is that the people of Haiti are flooding across the border into the Dominican Republic because their situation is so much worse than the people here. At the same time the people of the Dominican Republic are flooding across the border into Puerto Rico, because the situation in Puerto Rico is so much better than the situation in the Dominican Republic. And then the people in Puerto Rico are flooding into the United States of America because the situation in the United States is so much better than the situation in Puerto Rico! And the people of the United States have been saying a lot of really nice things about the Netherlands lately. Toobias? Here we come!
Let's go find John. John?
John: Yes?
I can see you right now.
June 12th: Hank Green "In the Wild"
Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday, June 12th. Or, should I say good morning Nerdfighters, since Hank is just right down at the beach and I could go talk to him if I wanted to.
So, good morning, Nerdfighters! It's Tuesday, June 12th! For today's video I thought I would take the rare opportunity of actually being in the same place as Hank to observe what Hank is like when he's not filming Brotherhood 2.0. In essence I wanted to capture for you what Hank Green is like in the wild. Think of me as your one man Hank Green paparazzi team.
It turns out that Hank is exactly like we'd expect him to be in a lot of ways: (Hank eating) He enjoys his breakfast, (Hank reading) he likes reading magazines, (Hank walking) and he enjoys walking along the beach at sunset and looking, you know, wistful.
But there is one important way that Hank is different from what we might expect. And it's this: (Hank napping) Hank Green loves to sleep. I haven't seen someone sleep this much since the last time I hung out with a three day old! So I'll say, Hey Hank, do you wanna go to the beach? And he'll say, (Hank napping). And then I'll say, hey Hank, do you wanna go play tennis? I hear they have tennis courts. And the he'll say (Hank in bed). And then I'll say hey Hank do you wanna go fishing in the ocean? And he'll say (Hank napping on boat) All right, but only if I get to sleep on the boat. I think that we have to consider the possibility that The Weather Channel is doing sleep deprivation tests on Hank.
So anyway, Nerdfighters, I had a great day surreptitiously filming Hank, and then finally at the end of the day, he caught me.
Hank: is that a video?
John: Well I'm doing an anthropological study of what Hank Green is like when he's not filming Brotherhood 2.0 videos.
Hank: That's a good idea. Umm, I was gonna go pee.
John: I -I'll go with you (a door) How's it going? Hank? When Hank Green pees is it like other people peeing? (door opens) Hank how was it? Your fans want answers. What is Hank Green peeing like?
Hank: Apparently a lot like me- uh.
Woman (off camera): What are you guys doing?
Hank: John's filming my every move.
Woman: (laughs)
John: What's it like when Hank Green pees? (Hank moves to avoid camera) Ohh-haha I'm fast! Hahaha I'm still on you! Oh, that's Hank Green putting his head in a pillow. (Hank throws pillow)
John: Hank, I'll see you very shortly down at the beach, and you'll see me whenever you wake up from your nap.
So, good morning, Nerdfighters! It's Tuesday, June 12th! For today's video I thought I would take the rare opportunity of actually being in the same place as Hank to observe what Hank is like when he's not filming Brotherhood 2.0. In essence I wanted to capture for you what Hank Green is like in the wild. Think of me as your one man Hank Green paparazzi team.
It turns out that Hank is exactly like we'd expect him to be in a lot of ways: (Hank eating) He enjoys his breakfast, (Hank reading) he likes reading magazines, (Hank walking) and he enjoys walking along the beach at sunset and looking, you know, wistful.
But there is one important way that Hank is different from what we might expect. And it's this: (Hank napping) Hank Green loves to sleep. I haven't seen someone sleep this much since the last time I hung out with a three day old! So I'll say, Hey Hank, do you wanna go to the beach? And he'll say, (Hank napping). And then I'll say, hey Hank, do you wanna go play tennis? I hear they have tennis courts. And the he'll say (Hank in bed). And then I'll say hey Hank do you wanna go fishing in the ocean? And he'll say (Hank napping on boat) All right, but only if I get to sleep on the boat. I think that we have to consider the possibility that The Weather Channel is doing sleep deprivation tests on Hank.
So anyway, Nerdfighters, I had a great day surreptitiously filming Hank, and then finally at the end of the day, he caught me.
Hank: is that a video?
John: Well I'm doing an anthropological study of what Hank Green is like when he's not filming Brotherhood 2.0 videos.
Hank: That's a good idea. Umm, I was gonna go pee.
John: I -I'll go with you (a door) How's it going? Hank? When Hank Green pees is it like other people peeing? (door opens) Hank how was it? Your fans want answers. What is Hank Green peeing like?
Hank: Apparently a lot like me- uh.
Woman (off camera): What are you guys doing?
Hank: John's filming my every move.
Woman: (laughs)
John: What's it like when Hank Green pees? (Hank moves to avoid camera) Ohh-haha I'm fast! Hahaha I'm still on you! Oh, that's Hank Green putting his head in a pillow. (Hank throws pillow)
John: Hank, I'll see you very shortly down at the beach, and you'll see me whenever you wake up from your nap.
June 11: SURPRISE
(on beach) Good morning John, it's Monday, June 11th.
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
(pans over to John) John: Good morning Hank! YES!
(both run into ocean, play in hot tub, drive golf carts, play tennis, happy dance, drink, look at ocean, play with children, swim, give flowers, argue, jump into pool)
John: What are we doing Hank?
Hank: Umm, laying on the beach in, of all places, the Dominican Republic. Uhh, at a family reunion.
John: Ah what's the most exciting part of the family reunion so far?
Hank: (laughs) the -the reunion of the brotherhood, John.
John: (laughs) Why don't we do it like this every day? Where is Katherine?
Hank: She's stuck in Montana at work, which really sucks. Hi baby.
John: Well it would suck, except that she's doing weed research.
Hank: Well, yeah, I guess it's nice that she has a job, but it's very sad that she isn't here. Even though you have a Yeti.
John: Wave hi to Katherine.
Hank: Hi Katherine.
John: We miss you Katherine!
Hank: We miss you!
(to Hank alone) John I will see you in a couple of minutes.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) In the great tradition of Brotherhood 2.0 special features here are some out takes:
Hank: (at beach) Good morning John. Uhhhhhh.
John (off camera): It's Monday, June 11th. (both laugh)
John: (sings) We made a lot of money got a master's degree... Are you-
(at pool) John (off camera): What happened?
Hank: I did a testicle flop.
John: (laughs) You're gonna be the first person to ever drown of testicle pain.
(Hank is curled in corner of pool, John swims over and tries to pants him)
John: fuck!
Hank: I'm sorry, I'm in the fetal position you can't pants me.
(on beach) John: It kinda burns my eye.
(little girl dances alone adorably) John: That's very good! Wow!
Brotherhood 2.0: June 8: Studying the Clues
(lying on floor, gets up sighing) Good morning Hank, it's Friday. Hank, I feel that something momentous has happened in my life, but I'm a little bit fuzzy on the details. So I think that we should just go to the tape and try to piece together the events of the last 24 hours.
(With images from past day) OK, that's me and I'm wearing the same shirt so it was probably yesterday. Coulda been the day before, but probably yesterday. OK, it's dark, uh, oh I think I see the outline of a couple heads, I know those people those are my friends. Those are my friends. Hank, I was out with my friends last night.
I wonder if I was having fun last night? (shot of John) YES! NERDFIGHTERS!
Yep, looks like I was having fun. It's coming back. Last night was our going away party from New York. Maybe there's a clue in my pants (goes through pocket items, holds up drawing on napkin) It's evil baby Stalin! And who's this little guy? I think it's evil baby Hitler. Thanks to New York Times reporter and my high school friend Cam Robertson for those amazing illustrations. Hank, I don't know about you, but that makes me want Cam to do the illustrations for the Evil Baby Orphanage book if and when it exists.
In other news: I'm officially a home owner. That's good, and scary. Hank I don't wanna be like a new mother about the house and constantly showing you pictures of it and stuff, but here's some pictures of it.
(kitchen) Look at the kitchen! It's so nice! (stairs) and then you go upstairs and that's the loft. I like a lot. I'm very fond of it. And actually behind the loft there's the secret room. Hank it's like Webster's house. What do you think, maybe 18-20% of our viewers have ever seen an episode of Webster? (basement) Here's the finished basement (shot of Yeti reflected in shower) Here's the ghost of the Yeti. (room) Here's the master bedroom. I think it's a great house, Hank, and I hope that you will come visit us because we have carved out a bedroom that is just for you.
Oh hey, by the way, you wanna know something really interesting I've learned while moving? (shot of him covered in bags) I own a lot of tote bags. I'm like the tote bag fairy. Anyway Hank, I'm gonna give all these tote bags away in My Pants. And I'll see you tomorrow.
(With images from past day) OK, that's me and I'm wearing the same shirt so it was probably yesterday. Coulda been the day before, but probably yesterday. OK, it's dark, uh, oh I think I see the outline of a couple heads, I know those people those are my friends. Those are my friends. Hank, I was out with my friends last night.
I wonder if I was having fun last night? (shot of John) YES! NERDFIGHTERS!
Yep, looks like I was having fun. It's coming back. Last night was our going away party from New York. Maybe there's a clue in my pants (goes through pocket items, holds up drawing on napkin) It's evil baby Stalin! And who's this little guy? I think it's evil baby Hitler. Thanks to New York Times reporter and my high school friend Cam Robertson for those amazing illustrations. Hank, I don't know about you, but that makes me want Cam to do the illustrations for the Evil Baby Orphanage book if and when it exists.
In other news: I'm officially a home owner. That's good, and scary. Hank I don't wanna be like a new mother about the house and constantly showing you pictures of it and stuff, but here's some pictures of it.
(kitchen) Look at the kitchen! It's so nice! (stairs) and then you go upstairs and that's the loft. I like a lot. I'm very fond of it. And actually behind the loft there's the secret room. Hank it's like Webster's house. What do you think, maybe 18-20% of our viewers have ever seen an episode of Webster? (basement) Here's the finished basement (shot of Yeti reflected in shower) Here's the ghost of the Yeti. (room) Here's the master bedroom. I think it's a great house, Hank, and I hope that you will come visit us because we have carved out a bedroom that is just for you.
Oh hey, by the way, you wanna know something really interesting I've learned while moving? (shot of him covered in bags) I own a lot of tote bags. I'm like the tote bag fairy. Anyway Hank, I'm gonna give all these tote bags away in My Pants. And I'll see you tomorrow.
June 6th: Lindsay Lohan's Bikini and My Pants
Good morning Hank it's Wednesday, June 6th. You may be wondering why I'm coming to you from a bathroom in a La Quinta Inn in Indianapolis, Indiana. I can't really account for the fact that I'm in a La Quinta Inn, I mean, I guess we were trying to save money or something. But it sure is nice in here (mouths: not really) I'm in the bathroom because I have to record my video very early in the morning and I don't want to wake the Yeti up. Hank, Yetis can get a little cranky when you wake them up early.
Today is the day that we are hopefully closing on our house. And that will make us, like, officially homeowners, and like, literally I'm gonna have to mow the lawn tonight. Can you mow a lawn at night? Are there regulations about that? That's just one of the many things I don't know about being a homeowner, Hank. Anyway, Hank, we're gonna spend pretty much all day and all night on this whole, like, uh house purchasing thing.
Hank you may also be wondering why I'm sitting here in my boxer shorts. Well, that's a very reasonable question, by the way, I- I am in my boxer shorts but I'm not going to prove it, you're just going to have to take my word for it, because I don't roll that way. Sure would it be helpful to our YouTube views if maybe I were to show a little more skin? Probably. Probably. But, you know, I think there are other ways to get to the top, Hank. Like for instance making sure that a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini is your still shot (image of Lindsay in bikini).
Hank the reason that I'm in my boxer shorts is because My Pants (holds up jeans) are full of people! Hank, the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants, has only been in existence for about eight hours and there have already been 200 posts! The forum also has nearly 100 registered viewers in its first eight hours of existence. Hank, I'm so excited that there are so many people in My Pants talking about the things that are at the core of what it really means to be human, like whether or not George W. Bush is adequately evil to be put into the Evil Baby Orphanage. Hank I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be having lively discussions about the Evil Baby Orphanage in My Pants, and I really appreciated your John McCain retraction in My Pants. Although your still underestimating Obama, poke poke poke poke poke poke poke.
Also, I can't believe you're gonna be a TV star! I mean, it sounds like this show is gonna do for The Weather Channel what I Love the 80s did for Vh1. I mean, Hank you're gonna be huge, you're gonna be the Michael Ian Black of The Weather Channel. Who else are they gonna get to be the, like, fresh funny face of The Weather Channel?
Anyway Hank, it's time for me to go to the bank now and take all of the money I've ever earned out of the bank, and put it into a house. Not that I'm worried. I'm not worried. It's gonna be OK. I'm scared! I hope everyone has a great day in My Pants, by the way I am not going to get tired of that joke. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Today is the day that we are hopefully closing on our house. And that will make us, like, officially homeowners, and like, literally I'm gonna have to mow the lawn tonight. Can you mow a lawn at night? Are there regulations about that? That's just one of the many things I don't know about being a homeowner, Hank. Anyway, Hank, we're gonna spend pretty much all day and all night on this whole, like, uh house purchasing thing.
Hank you may also be wondering why I'm sitting here in my boxer shorts. Well, that's a very reasonable question, by the way, I- I am in my boxer shorts but I'm not going to prove it, you're just going to have to take my word for it, because I don't roll that way. Sure would it be helpful to our YouTube views if maybe I were to show a little more skin? Probably. Probably. But, you know, I think there are other ways to get to the top, Hank. Like for instance making sure that a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini is your still shot (image of Lindsay in bikini).
Hank the reason that I'm in my boxer shorts is because My Pants (holds up jeans) are full of people! Hank, the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants, has only been in existence for about eight hours and there have already been 200 posts! The forum also has nearly 100 registered viewers in its first eight hours of existence. Hank, I'm so excited that there are so many people in My Pants talking about the things that are at the core of what it really means to be human, like whether or not George W. Bush is adequately evil to be put into the Evil Baby Orphanage. Hank I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be having lively discussions about the Evil Baby Orphanage in My Pants, and I really appreciated your John McCain retraction in My Pants. Although your still underestimating Obama, poke poke poke poke poke poke poke.
Also, I can't believe you're gonna be a TV star! I mean, it sounds like this show is gonna do for The Weather Channel what I Love the 80s did for Vh1. I mean, Hank you're gonna be huge, you're gonna be the Michael Ian Black of The Weather Channel. Who else are they gonna get to be the, like, fresh funny face of The Weather Channel?
Anyway Hank, it's time for me to go to the bank now and take all of the money I've ever earned out of the bank, and put it into a house. Not that I'm worried. I'm not worried. It's gonna be OK. I'm scared! I hope everyone has a great day in My Pants, by the way I am not going to get tired of that joke. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: June 4th: The First Nerdfighter Wedding!
Bride: Good morning Hank!
Groom: Good morning Hank!
Bride: Hi Hank! We're getting married!
About a second after Phyllis said that she looked at me and said, well, I guess he could have gathered that we're getting married. And indeed, that's an awfully nice dress to wear to a cocktail party. But anyway, thanks to Brotherhood 2.0 viewers, and my cousins-in-law, Phyllis and Blake for their introductions.
Hank, it was a weekend of crowds. First I was at Book Expo America, probably the biggest book thing in the country, and it was extremely crowded.
(shot at Book Expo) But Hank, you wanna know the great thing about Book Expo?
Maureen (jumps in): Hi Hank!
Free books! Free books every where, you can take as many as you'd like. As long as you're subtle about it. (Scott takes stack of 5)
(at home) Thanks to Maureen Johnson and Scott Westerfeld's hand for their cameos. But Book Expo isn't all about collecting books, it's also about collecting comic books. For you, Hank. Look, manga! I even got you a poster! Plus I got some other shweet shwag that I'm gonna be giving away on the Brotherhood 2.0 forum just as soon as you launch it.
(at Book Expo) Hank look it's Harry Potter! In bag form!
(home) I got home, went to bed, got up at 4:15, and flew to Decatur, Alabama.
(in hotel) About a month ago I was wearing my seersucker suit ironically, today I'm wearing it non-ironically.
(home) Hank this was my first time watching two Brotherhood 2.0 viewers get married, and let me tell ya it's a magical thing. Hank, everyone was excited about the first marriage between Brotherhood 2.0 viewers. I mean, the Catholic Church was so excited that they sent like 14 priests to officiate! Also, there was one Bishop and a Cardinal! (Shows program of wedding) Hank there are like 200 Cardinals in the entire world! Hank as you may or may not know it's the Cardinals who pick the next Pope. Every Cardinal under the age of 80 is allowed to go and help pick the next Pope, so I figured this was gonna be a great time for me to lobby for the kind of Pope I've been looking for. (shot of Cardinal) But sadly I don't think this guy's under 80. None the less he did a fantastic job at the wedding. Phyllis and Blake just seem so happy together, I mean, look at them up there they're just giddy! I kept wondering what they were talking about, and then I realized: the Evil Baby Orphanage.
Everybody's talking about it Hank, it's huge. The other way I knew that people were really really excited about the wedding between two Brotherhood 2.0 viewers is that a lot of people came. Like 600 people. And as I looked over this crowd of people I couldn't help but think, man if I happened to have a super drug-resistant strain of tuberculosis a lot of people are in a lot of trouble. Anyway Hank, the reception was also a great time. Randy gave a high five to the infant baby Jesus who was inexplicably doing Jazz hands. Phyllis and Blake cut the cake, as you can see, although you can't see Phyllis because she happens to be the same height, and wearing the same color as the cake itself.
Hank even though Blake got married on Saturday, he took the time probably while he was still in his marital bed to write a comment that I thought was very interesting about liquid coal. What Blake said is that while cars should never be powered by coal, it does make sense to try to develop cleaner coal technologies because there's no way that countries like India are going to completely phase out coal in the next 50 years. I look forward to the environmental discussion on the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, by the way have I mentioned the forum enough times today?
Anyway Hank, it was a beautiful wedding and a beautiful reception, but in the end weddings aren't about the tastiness of the cake, or the deliciousness of the pot roast, or even about whether or not a Cardinal officiates at the wedding. Hank, what I saw again at Blake and Phyllis's wedding, and what I saw at your wedding, and what I felt at my wedding, is that weddings aren't truly about any of those things. They're about how cute it is when kids dance (small girls dancing).
So Hank, I think we're both happy about the first Nerdfighter marriage, and I think we're both hoping for many many more. They're honeymooning in Banff right now so I don't know- wow that's a really fun word to say. Banff. Banff. Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
Groom: Good morning Hank!
Bride: Hi Hank! We're getting married!
About a second after Phyllis said that she looked at me and said, well, I guess he could have gathered that we're getting married. And indeed, that's an awfully nice dress to wear to a cocktail party. But anyway, thanks to Brotherhood 2.0 viewers, and my cousins-in-law, Phyllis and Blake for their introductions.
Hank, it was a weekend of crowds. First I was at Book Expo America, probably the biggest book thing in the country, and it was extremely crowded.
(shot at Book Expo) But Hank, you wanna know the great thing about Book Expo?
Maureen (jumps in): Hi Hank!
Free books! Free books every where, you can take as many as you'd like. As long as you're subtle about it. (Scott takes stack of 5)
(at home) Thanks to Maureen Johnson and Scott Westerfeld's hand for their cameos. But Book Expo isn't all about collecting books, it's also about collecting comic books. For you, Hank. Look, manga! I even got you a poster! Plus I got some other shweet shwag that I'm gonna be giving away on the Brotherhood 2.0 forum just as soon as you launch it.
(at Book Expo) Hank look it's Harry Potter! In bag form!
(home) I got home, went to bed, got up at 4:15, and flew to Decatur, Alabama.
(in hotel) About a month ago I was wearing my seersucker suit ironically, today I'm wearing it non-ironically.
(home) Hank this was my first time watching two Brotherhood 2.0 viewers get married, and let me tell ya it's a magical thing. Hank, everyone was excited about the first marriage between Brotherhood 2.0 viewers. I mean, the Catholic Church was so excited that they sent like 14 priests to officiate! Also, there was one Bishop and a Cardinal! (Shows program of wedding) Hank there are like 200 Cardinals in the entire world! Hank as you may or may not know it's the Cardinals who pick the next Pope. Every Cardinal under the age of 80 is allowed to go and help pick the next Pope, so I figured this was gonna be a great time for me to lobby for the kind of Pope I've been looking for. (shot of Cardinal) But sadly I don't think this guy's under 80. None the less he did a fantastic job at the wedding. Phyllis and Blake just seem so happy together, I mean, look at them up there they're just giddy! I kept wondering what they were talking about, and then I realized: the Evil Baby Orphanage.
Everybody's talking about it Hank, it's huge. The other way I knew that people were really really excited about the wedding between two Brotherhood 2.0 viewers is that a lot of people came. Like 600 people. And as I looked over this crowd of people I couldn't help but think, man if I happened to have a super drug-resistant strain of tuberculosis a lot of people are in a lot of trouble. Anyway Hank, the reception was also a great time. Randy gave a high five to the infant baby Jesus who was inexplicably doing Jazz hands. Phyllis and Blake cut the cake, as you can see, although you can't see Phyllis because she happens to be the same height, and wearing the same color as the cake itself.
Hank even though Blake got married on Saturday, he took the time probably while he was still in his marital bed to write a comment that I thought was very interesting about liquid coal. What Blake said is that while cars should never be powered by coal, it does make sense to try to develop cleaner coal technologies because there's no way that countries like India are going to completely phase out coal in the next 50 years. I look forward to the environmental discussion on the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, by the way have I mentioned the forum enough times today?
Anyway Hank, it was a beautiful wedding and a beautiful reception, but in the end weddings aren't about the tastiness of the cake, or the deliciousness of the pot roast, or even about whether or not a Cardinal officiates at the wedding. Hank, what I saw again at Blake and Phyllis's wedding, and what I saw at your wedding, and what I felt at my wedding, is that weddings aren't truly about any of those things. They're about how cute it is when kids dance (small girls dancing).
So Hank, I think we're both happy about the first Nerdfighter marriage, and I think we're both hoping for many many more. They're honeymooning in Banff right now so I don't know- wow that's a really fun word to say. Banff. Banff. Hank I'll see you tomorrow.
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