June 26: The American Library Association Parties

Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Hi Hank! Helloooo!
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Woman: Good morning Hank.
Man: I can't just say good morning Hank.
John: Julie.
Julie: Yes?
John: Will you say good morning Hank?
Julie: I'm gonna make good morning Hank above 700 librarians?
John: Will you say, will you just-
Julie: Good morning Hank.
(in room) Not above 700 librarians, Hank, but along side with them.
700 librarians: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
That was a pretty great good morning Hank! Hank a lot of great things happened at the American Library Association Conference this weekend and if you're wondering why you're looking at this very strange shot instead of any of those great things, like me hanging out with Judy Blume or me going to a lot of fun parties, it's because I accidentally taped over all that stuff with 30 minutes of this stuff.
(inside) GAAAAAHHHHH (hits head) Stupid! Fortunately you will get to listen to me harangue a reader.
John: Are you a dumper?
Girl: No.
John: You're only friends cause he wants you back.
Girl: No, it was mutual actually.
John: It's never mutual.
(in room) In fact, pretty much the only things that I have footage of are: Nerdfighter Cynthia Lord winning the Newbery Honor for her book, Rules. And the Printz Award reception on Monday night.
Speaker: When I returned from mid-winter in Seattle, I was urged to check out the Brotherhood 2.0 website. (crowd laughs and applauds) Where John had a video blog of our phone call. It was fun to see his happy dance over the good news. I tuned in again the next day to see John's brother, Hank, toast him with 'here's to silver medals, to not quite doing as good as you did last time?'
(in room) Hank, the ALA convention is always fun, but this one was particularly fun because it was so Hank-tastic! Everywhere I went people were like, hey you're Hank Green's brother! And I was like, yeah, I also write books and they were like, right but you're Hank Green's brother! Four different people asked me if I knew your phone number. And I was like, he's my brother. Yes. I know his phone number. And they said, can I have it? And I said, No! People kept telling me how cute you are and how funny you are and how much they like you. So, Hank, if you like young adult literature so much I would encourage you to write so of it, because you're bound to be an instant hit.
All the Printz speeches were great, Markus Zusak, Tobin Anderson, Gene Yang, and Sonya Hartnett all were wonderful. I dunno how I did, but here's the funniest snippet, I'll let you judge.
John (at awards): People still think of librarians as these shy, retiring, flowers. When ever I hear someone stereotype a librarian like that, I always counter their story with a true one of my own. This is entirely true. I say that last year, at a librarian conference in New Orleans I learnt how hard librarians party during an evening of casual gambling when I happened across a librarian passed out drunk, sprawled across the lounge carpet of Harry's Casino. Spilled drink in one hand, and a promising first novel in the other. (laughter and applause)
Hank I'll see you tomorrow.

Brotherhood 2.0: June 22: The Senator

Good morning Hank, it's Friday, June 22nd, you'll never guess where I am, unless you guess an airport, in which case, you guess right. I'm always in airports! Hank, the day before yesterday I moved to Indianapolis, Indiana. And today I'm moving to Washington, D.C. Fortunately this move is only for five days. I'm going to the American Library Association's Annual Conference, which is, like, the librarian conference for the entire year. It's huge! Don't worry I will be reporting back on Tuesday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.

Brotherhood 2.0: June 20: Moving

(driving) Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, June 20th and we are on our way to Indianapolis. I would look at you, but I'm driving a gigantic moving van. (shot of van at house)
(shot of boxes, John pops up) Hank we made it to Indianapolis! Although, as you will probably notice, puff levels are a little bit high. I hope this is the worst I ever look on Brotherhood 2.0. How am I gonna meet Judy Blume with this hair? Hey Hank, you know what's fun? Driving a 24 foot moving truck halfway across the country. It's particularly fun when it's raining! Because then you don't just feel like you're steering a run away train, you feel like you're steering a run away train that's on skis! Also, you know what's really really long? Pennsylvania.
Hey Hank, congratulations on The Weather Channel, I haven't even seen it yet, but Mom says it's awesome.
So it ended up taking, like, 18 hours, but eventually we made it to Indianapolis. I'm really happy I'm here. (shot of flowers) Look, Hank, nature! I mean, you know, when I was in New York it was almost impossible to contribute to the global water crisis, but here it's really easy. (shot of watering) (sings) the worldwide water shortage crisis is all my fault! (back inside) OK, uh, quick question Hank, what do I do about all this grass? I mean, I used, like, eight baths worth of water in like ten minutes trying to make it less brown.
Hank I haven't even seen your video from yesterday, so I'm gonna go to Starbucks, upload this, watch yours, and then take a nap that's gonna last, like, 30 hours. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) P.S. Hey Hank, I don't even know if you know this, but we were sort of, like, halfway featured on YouTube last week, and one of our videos, I think it was the one from June 4th, ended up getting a lot of comments from YouTubers. And let me tell you Hank, YouTubers are smart (mouths no they aren't) All I'm gonna say is that these YouTubers were definitely not Nerdfighters. Hey, speaking of which, Hank what's the opposite of a Nerdfighter? Anyway Hank, I would read some of those comments to you, but unfortunately most of them do not contain any English words what so ever. It's just sort of a random string of letters with an occasional profanity. But one YouTuber did write a legible comment. He said: I notice you are a nerd, why? Why? Why am I a nerd? Why? Hank, Nerdfighters, why are we nerds? And why are we proud to be nerds? By the way, any Nerdfighters who are also YouTubers, can go to YouTube and give the video from June 4th a high rating, and it might be featured again.

Brotherhood 2.0: April 30: Hellos from Los Angeles

Good morning Hank, it's Monday, April 30th. A lot of people wanted to say hi to you this weekend, so I let em.
Tobin Anderson: Hey there Hank, umm, this time I'm not hanging from a fire escape being chased by police, so this is really an improvement.
Cecil Castellucci: Hi Hank, how are you?
John: Say Hi, Coe.
Coe Booth: Hi Coe
Sonya Sones: Good morning Hank
Dana Reinhardt: Good morning Hank
Julie Strauss-Gabel: Hi Hank!
T. Cooper: Good morning Hank (eats fruit)
Now that my editor and a bunch of other authors have said hello to you, I have a surprise.
Francesca: Good morning Hank, and good morning Kelly, this is Francesca, hi. Have a really good day.
Hank, that was Francesca Lia Block, the author of Weetzie Bat, a book I know you like, and I know I like, and I also know that Brotherhood2.0 viewer Kelly likes. Speaking of Francesca Lia Block, Judy Blume might have just been knocked out of my Guilt Free Three. And now for our final introduction:
Coe: Rootsy Hank, I think you're really cute, and I know you're married already, but-
Hank, as you mentioned in your video last week, it was totally massively illegal for me to try to record the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes on video, so I had to do it really surreptitiously, and as you can see I did a really wonderful job with the camera work (shot of ceiling) I don't like to brag, but if they give out a Los Angeles Times Book Prize for the best bootleg recording of the Los Angeles Times Book Prizes, I am definitely going to win.
(more footage) So first Jackie Woodson, the presenter, introduced each of the five finalists: The Rules of Survival, Tyrell, The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, An Abundance of Katherines, and Just in Case. And then came the moment we'd all been waiting for, and by we I mean the thirty people in the audience who care about Young Adult literature.
(in footage)
announcer: Coe Booth.
John: Yaaaay!
Coe: It is my hope that it will fall into the hands of those kids who really do not see themselves represented in literature often.
(back in bed) And my hope also. Congratulations, Coe.
Moving on. Hank, I have a challenge for you. The Yeti and I have both been singing the Helen Hunt song pretty much non stop for the last five days. I wanna give you a brief sense of what it's like to be at our house right now:
(shot of home) aren't you nervous about trying to find a house?
The Yeti: God, so nervous.
John: (sigh, sings) Helen Hunt Helen Hunt
(in bed) Anyway Hank we sing the song constantly. We can't get it out of our heads. The only problem is that we can't quite sing it in key because it seems to have been written in the key of awesome. And so Hank, that brings me to my challenge. I would like to challenge you to make more songs! Lots more! But what I need right now is for you to write a song that will replace the Helen Hunt song because it's starting to burn a hole in my head.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh hey, Hank, by the way, you know what's funnier than dogs in New York? (shot of dog in sundress) That's right. Dogs in Los Angeles. Look at it, Hank! It's a chihuahua that seems to be married to a 19th century plantation owner!

Helen Hunt

Good morning John, it's Wednesday April 25th. Judy Blume. That's weird. I admit it. You admit it. We admit it. We're weird! Helen Hunt and Judy Blume are weird people to have in your Guilt-Three Free. Guilt-Three Free? Weird people to have in your Guilt-Free Three. Especially since I only have one person in my Guilt-Free Three. Katherine has known about this for a long time. She doesn't like it. But there are haters out there! You can't help it! You can't help who's on your Guilt-Free Three! And so, for Helen Hunt, who deserves to be on Guilt-Free Threes all over the nation. I've written a song.
(singing): The first time I saw you was the day that I hit puberty,
Played a beautiful girl, shunned by society,
It wasn't your fault, you just smoked one laced dooby,
That after-school special made me want to never do PCP.
Helen Hunt, Helen Hunt,
You make my heart do acrobatic stunts,
You stand and face the brunt of the twister of my burning want,
Helen Hunt, you know I'm Mad About You.
I saw you naked in The Waterdance,
It was As Good As It Gets in my pants,
And for that I really want to thank you,
Your husband's name was Hank, right? Well, my name is Hank, too.
Helen Hunt, Helen Hunt,
You make my heart do acrobatic stunts,
You stand and face the brunt of the twister of my burning want,
Helen Hunt, you know I'm Mad About You.
Once an ex-best friend of mine said he couldn't see,
How an old and ugly actress could mean so much to me.
Well, a minute later looking down at him bleeding in the snow,
I asked him who was Best Comedy Actress four years in a row.
Helen Hunt, Helen Hunt,
You make my heart do acrobatic stunts,
You stand and face the brunt of the twister of my burning want,
Helen Hunt, you know I'm Mad About You.
Helen Hunt, you know I'm Mad About You.
(speaking) I just watched that video all the way through, and it's really, really creepy. Oh, my God. I'm the creepiest of them all! Yes! Why do I spend so much time on these things? Some days... I just get a little carried away, okay? Sorry. Take that, all you people who think that there's no reason to love Helen Hunt. She made me never want to do PCP. Helen, if you're watching this, I'm really not that scary.
And now that that's done with, I'll see you tomorrow.

Brotherhood 2.0: April 24: Moving

Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday, April 26th. Today's video blog comes in five parts.
Part one: Papa, it's his birthday, you need to call him.
Part two: Speaking of old people, Helen Hunt is on your guilt-free three list? Helen Hunt? Helen Hunt? Hank, I'd just like to remind you that cougar hunting is not legal in the United States. But anyway Hank, you're talking about your celebrity do list, as another commenter called it,
reminded me of number: 3. My own celebrity do list, which I keep, of course, in my copy of How to Be a Lady In Your Pants. Now, let's see if we can find it in here. Ah! There it is. OK, Hank, we have Natalie Portman, perfectly acceptable, Jenna Fischer from The Office. Pam. The only thing I like the idea of more than Pam and Jim getting together? Pam and John getting together. And then of course, we have Judy Blume. I mean, she's cute. She's really cute and one time at a conference she kissed me on the cheek and I liked it and I like her and I'm not gonna talk about it anymore. OK, maybe you get a pass on Helen Hunt.
Part 4: Moving! Hank, I'm sorry to hear that your house is on the block. I have good news though, I think that you should buy a house. But not in Missoula. Specifically I think you should buy a house in Indianapolis, Indiana. You wanna know why? Because I'm moving there. Sarah got a job at the Indianapolis Museum of Art, which is really one of the most exciting contemporary art spaces in America. And we're really psyched to go there, umm, but I'm a little worried because I don't have any friends in Indianapolis, and I think I'm gonna miss New York. Although if you think about it, Indianapolis is like the New York of Indiana. And also I'm told that its got really good urban exploring. Plus yesterday I was looking on the internet and houses in Indianapolis are almost free!
Part five: Hank, I liked your EcoGeek podcast animation introduction so much that I've been thinking that we could have a shorter, more visual animation for Brotherhood 2.0 that maybe doesn't spell communication wrong. Maybe you or one of the Nerdfighters can get on it. I'd do it myself except I'm bad at animating and plus I have to figure out how I'm gonna move to Indianapolis with all of these books. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.