Good morning Hank, it's Friday, June 22nd, you'll never guess where I am, unless you guess an airport, in which case, you guess right. I'm always in airports! Hank, the day before yesterday I moved to Indianapolis, Indiana. And today I'm moving to Washington, D.C. Fortunately this move is only for five days. I'm going to the American Library Association's Annual Conference, which is, like, the librarian conference for the entire year. It's huge! Don't worry I will be reporting back on Tuesday.
A lot of things are happening at this librarian conference. I'm gonna be accepting the Printz Honor for An Abundance of Katherines, and I'm also going to be on a panel with Judy Blume. Judy Blume! Judy Blume and I are going to be speaking together from the same table!
But before I can do any of that I have to get a haircut. And I can't get a haircut in Indianapolis because I'm already in the airport, and I don't have any scissors, so I'm gonna have to get one in Washington D.C. I hope they have good, you know, hair cutting places there. I'm a little bit worried that where ever I go they're gonna make me look like a Senator. Hank, as you will no doubt recall, I had the Senator look when I was about twelve years old, and it didn't really work for me.
(new location) Well Hank, I've now gotten my haircut. D'you like it? D'you like it? I like it, I'm pretty happy with it. I went to a barbershop in Washington D.C. called Louis's and the guy who cut my hair had cut the hair of both Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson. And when he told me this information I was like, hmm, Bill Clinton and Willie Nelson are both historical figures whose work I admire. But I'm not necessarily looking to emulate their hair styles. Hank I've always felt that hair is a fair indicator of one's political position, you know? You can always right wing Republicans because they have the Senator haircut, and you can always tell, like, big time Leftie Hippies because they've got the long hair. So I explained to the guy at Louis's that I wanted a cut that was somewhere between the Willie Nelson on the far Left, and the Bill Clinton in the center. Because I'm a Liberal, but I'm not, you know, a pot smoking tax evading liberal. All things considered I think that he did a pretty good job of giving me a haircut that's, you know, a good haircut for a Liberal, young guy, but not a real Liberal young guy.
Hank, thanks for all your good wishes this week as we travelled across the country. I'll see you on Monday.
Showing posts with label Politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Politics. Show all posts
Saturday, November 6
Friday, November 5
June 7: Weather and My Pants
(pans to Hank hiding under the butt of a giant cow sculpture) Good morning, John it's Thursday June 9th.
(at home) 7th, not 9th. That was me poking my head out of the butt of a giant cow. And that's all that I'm going to say about that. Light, sound, and position check for The Weather Channel.
I know what you're thinking: where did he get that amazing yellow light in the background? It's just a Compact Fluorescent Lightbulb with some tissue paper wrapped around it. I'm so clever. I thought maybe you and the Nerdfighters would a-appreciate an increase in the amount of production value, which means no clutter behind me, maybe a little bit more light on my face, dark no patterned shirt, no They Might Be Giants posters, regular kind of frame- head and shoulders. None of this business or like this business (very close camera shots) Sideways face shots.
Ok this actually isn't for you and the Nerdfighters, this is for The Weather Channel. Because I'm going to try and get my ass on the station. And I don't know that that's gonna happen, and it's a little bit sad. They're being finicky about me living in the middle of no where. If I lived in LA or something, they wouldn't have any problems at all getting me on the station. Since I live in Montana, they called it a daunting task. I don't wanna be a daunting task. I just wanna be on The Weather Channel. Hank Green: Clean Technology Expert. Hank Green: Editor in Chief EcoGeek.org. Hank Green: (shot of cat) Satisfied Cat Owner. Hank Green: Yo Baby's Daddy. Hank Green: Addicted to My Pants.
Which brings me to My Pants. One evening I left My Pants and then, the next morning, when I went back to My Pants, there were over 300 registered users in My Pants that had posted, like, a thousand posts in My Pants. At first I was worried My Pants had gotten too big for its britches, but then I realized that I was just never going to be able to conceptualize and participate in all of My Pants. I'm sorry about that, but My Pants have gotten very big. Very quickly! Hoo Hah! Nerdfighters! (does salute)
Jeez, you guys! That's some impressive foruming! Well done! I am so glad that I created that forum, you guys are amazing. Discussions surround the Evil Baby Orphanage and the presidential election. I am never again going to lack for book suggestions. Woohoo! It's very exciting, thank you for your support.
I think it's really weird that I sometimes get paid in gift cards, like, why do I need a hundred dollar gift card to CDW? Can't you give me a hundred dollars? So that I can pay rent? (phone rings) I think that may be The Weather Channel calling. Hello? Hello Sid Moore from The Weather Channel- I also wanted to ask, like what would the byline? I don't know what the word is. Just don't put .com because that would be a disaster. Cause it's .org. Yeah. It's OK, it's a long and painful story. Cool. Thanks a lot. Yeah, awesome. Bye.
Woo-o-oaaahhh!! I'm gonna be on The Weather Channel. Oh my God that is the dorkiest thing in the world to be excited about. Wow. I would do my happy dance but this set up is fragile. I should show you. This is my tripod. (stool with stack of books) it's some books on a stool. And my MacBook is in my lap. And that's how I'm controlling everything from my command station here. And if I did a happy dance it would all fall over. This is me, like, touching (shakes) ooooohhhhhhh aah! So that's why I'm not doing a happy dance. But I would, otherwise. Well, I'm running out of time and space, ummm, on my hard drive, so I have to clean that out before The Weather Channel calls tomorrow. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow.
(at home) 7th, not 9th. That was me poking my head out of the butt of a giant cow. And that's all that I'm going to say about that. Light, sound, and position check for The Weather Channel.
I know what you're thinking: where did he get that amazing yellow light in the background? It's just a Compact Fluorescent Lightbulb with some tissue paper wrapped around it. I'm so clever. I thought maybe you and the Nerdfighters would a-appreciate an increase in the amount of production value, which means no clutter behind me, maybe a little bit more light on my face, dark no patterned shirt, no They Might Be Giants posters, regular kind of frame- head and shoulders. None of this business or like this business (very close camera shots) Sideways face shots.
Ok this actually isn't for you and the Nerdfighters, this is for The Weather Channel. Because I'm going to try and get my ass on the station. And I don't know that that's gonna happen, and it's a little bit sad. They're being finicky about me living in the middle of no where. If I lived in LA or something, they wouldn't have any problems at all getting me on the station. Since I live in Montana, they called it a daunting task. I don't wanna be a daunting task. I just wanna be on The Weather Channel. Hank Green: Clean Technology Expert. Hank Green: Editor in Chief EcoGeek.org. Hank Green: (shot of cat) Satisfied Cat Owner. Hank Green: Yo Baby's Daddy. Hank Green: Addicted to My Pants.
Which brings me to My Pants. One evening I left My Pants and then, the next morning, when I went back to My Pants, there were over 300 registered users in My Pants that had posted, like, a thousand posts in My Pants. At first I was worried My Pants had gotten too big for its britches, but then I realized that I was just never going to be able to conceptualize and participate in all of My Pants. I'm sorry about that, but My Pants have gotten very big. Very quickly! Hoo Hah! Nerdfighters! (does salute)
Jeez, you guys! That's some impressive foruming! Well done! I am so glad that I created that forum, you guys are amazing. Discussions surround the Evil Baby Orphanage and the presidential election. I am never again going to lack for book suggestions. Woohoo! It's very exciting, thank you for your support.
I think it's really weird that I sometimes get paid in gift cards, like, why do I need a hundred dollar gift card to CDW? Can't you give me a hundred dollars? So that I can pay rent? (phone rings) I think that may be The Weather Channel calling. Hello? Hello Sid Moore from The Weather Channel- I also wanted to ask, like what would the byline? I don't know what the word is. Just don't put .com because that would be a disaster. Cause it's .org. Yeah. It's OK, it's a long and painful story. Cool. Thanks a lot. Yeah, awesome. Bye.
Woo-o-oaaahhh!! I'm gonna be on The Weather Channel. Oh my God that is the dorkiest thing in the world to be excited about. Wow. I would do my happy dance but this set up is fragile. I should show you. This is my tripod. (stool with stack of books) it's some books on a stool. And my MacBook is in my lap. And that's how I'm controlling everything from my command station here. And if I did a happy dance it would all fall over. This is me, like, touching (shakes) ooooohhhhhhh aah! So that's why I'm not doing a happy dance. But I would, otherwise. Well, I'm running out of time and space, ummm, on my hard drive, so I have to clean that out before The Weather Channel calls tomorrow. And, uh, I will see you tomorrow.
June 6th: Lindsay Lohan's Bikini and My Pants
Good morning Hank it's Wednesday, June 6th. You may be wondering why I'm coming to you from a bathroom in a La Quinta Inn in Indianapolis, Indiana. I can't really account for the fact that I'm in a La Quinta Inn, I mean, I guess we were trying to save money or something. But it sure is nice in here (mouths: not really) I'm in the bathroom because I have to record my video very early in the morning and I don't want to wake the Yeti up. Hank, Yetis can get a little cranky when you wake them up early.
Today is the day that we are hopefully closing on our house. And that will make us, like, officially homeowners, and like, literally I'm gonna have to mow the lawn tonight. Can you mow a lawn at night? Are there regulations about that? That's just one of the many things I don't know about being a homeowner, Hank. Anyway, Hank, we're gonna spend pretty much all day and all night on this whole, like, uh house purchasing thing.
Hank you may also be wondering why I'm sitting here in my boxer shorts. Well, that's a very reasonable question, by the way, I- I am in my boxer shorts but I'm not going to prove it, you're just going to have to take my word for it, because I don't roll that way. Sure would it be helpful to our YouTube views if maybe I were to show a little more skin? Probably. Probably. But, you know, I think there are other ways to get to the top, Hank. Like for instance making sure that a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini is your still shot (image of Lindsay in bikini).
Hank the reason that I'm in my boxer shorts is because My Pants (holds up jeans) are full of people! Hank, the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants, has only been in existence for about eight hours and there have already been 200 posts! The forum also has nearly 100 registered viewers in its first eight hours of existence. Hank, I'm so excited that there are so many people in My Pants talking about the things that are at the core of what it really means to be human, like whether or not George W. Bush is adequately evil to be put into the Evil Baby Orphanage. Hank I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be having lively discussions about the Evil Baby Orphanage in My Pants, and I really appreciated your John McCain retraction in My Pants. Although your still underestimating Obama, poke poke poke poke poke poke poke.
Also, I can't believe you're gonna be a TV star! I mean, it sounds like this show is gonna do for The Weather Channel what I Love the 80s did for Vh1. I mean, Hank you're gonna be huge, you're gonna be the Michael Ian Black of The Weather Channel. Who else are they gonna get to be the, like, fresh funny face of The Weather Channel?
Anyway Hank, it's time for me to go to the bank now and take all of the money I've ever earned out of the bank, and put it into a house. Not that I'm worried. I'm not worried. It's gonna be OK. I'm scared! I hope everyone has a great day in My Pants, by the way I am not going to get tired of that joke. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Today is the day that we are hopefully closing on our house. And that will make us, like, officially homeowners, and like, literally I'm gonna have to mow the lawn tonight. Can you mow a lawn at night? Are there regulations about that? That's just one of the many things I don't know about being a homeowner, Hank. Anyway, Hank, we're gonna spend pretty much all day and all night on this whole, like, uh house purchasing thing.
Hank you may also be wondering why I'm sitting here in my boxer shorts. Well, that's a very reasonable question, by the way, I- I am in my boxer shorts but I'm not going to prove it, you're just going to have to take my word for it, because I don't roll that way. Sure would it be helpful to our YouTube views if maybe I were to show a little more skin? Probably. Probably. But, you know, I think there are other ways to get to the top, Hank. Like for instance making sure that a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini is your still shot (image of Lindsay in bikini).
Hank the reason that I'm in my boxer shorts is because My Pants (holds up jeans) are full of people! Hank, the Brotherhood 2.0 forum, My Pants, has only been in existence for about eight hours and there have already been 200 posts! The forum also has nearly 100 registered viewers in its first eight hours of existence. Hank, I'm so excited that there are so many people in My Pants talking about the things that are at the core of what it really means to be human, like whether or not George W. Bush is adequately evil to be put into the Evil Baby Orphanage. Hank I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be having lively discussions about the Evil Baby Orphanage in My Pants, and I really appreciated your John McCain retraction in My Pants. Although your still underestimating Obama, poke poke poke poke poke poke poke.
Also, I can't believe you're gonna be a TV star! I mean, it sounds like this show is gonna do for The Weather Channel what I Love the 80s did for Vh1. I mean, Hank you're gonna be huge, you're gonna be the Michael Ian Black of The Weather Channel. Who else are they gonna get to be the, like, fresh funny face of The Weather Channel?
Anyway Hank, it's time for me to go to the bank now and take all of the money I've ever earned out of the bank, and put it into a house. Not that I'm worried. I'm not worried. It's gonna be OK. I'm scared! I hope everyone has a great day in My Pants, by the way I am not going to get tired of that joke. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Jun 5th: S-S-S-Somethin From the Forum
(on lake) Good morning John, it's Tuesday June 5th.
(at home) (sigh) That was nice. Katherine and I have some friends that have a cabin up on Seeley Lake. Which is a really nice place, and Katherine and I went there this week to hang out it was awesome. It was kinda weird though for Katherine. Because she was like the only not pregnant girl. Babies babies babies. To me it does not feel like baby time yet, but a lot of my friends are having baby time.
I'm worried that if I ever have a baby, it won't have any friends. Because all of the other babies will be so much older than him. I guess that's a pretty stupid fear. Unless every body stops having the capability of having babies, which I've read two books about lately and seen one movie, so maybe it's not that far fetched. Uh, having read those books and then seeing all these pregnant people, suddenly not so worried.
Speaking of books, I just read Feed in my pants and every body was right, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia brain. Idon'twantwikipediainmybrain. I don't want a wikipedia brain. Don't want a wikipedia in my brain oh my God. I found that book to be entirely terrifying. The future could be bad. Well done, good book, though it really made me a little bit more pessimistic about society and that's not necessarily something that I want. But it's really important that we recognize that these kinds of things are issues, and that we live in a very strange society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you go buy Feed, by M. T. Anderson, it was very good.
I got an email today from The Weather Channel. They would like to interview me for a new show on global warming. It's not the kind of thing that I really expect people to watch. Stupid! There's always something on. I just wanna know what the weather is! This stupid kid's talking! That's kind of what I expect people to be saying while I'm talking. Still very cool.
You may have noticed that today's video is a little late. That is becaaaause I made a foruuuuuuuum! It took me a while. So I've been doing that all day, and a lot of last night, oh boy John, your challenges. Sometimes they wipe me out. And it's linked to, on the side bar. Or you can just go straight to the forum which is at brotherhood2.com/mypants . So when there's a discussion in the comments, or -or maybe one of us is starting a discussion in video format we can say things like, we'll continue this discussion of John McCain in my pants. Then you're not sure if the discussion is gonna happen in your pants, or if you're discussing John McCain in my pants, or if you're discussing John McCain who is in my pants, or if we're just discussing it in the forum, which is called My Pants.
It was one of my more brilliant ideas, and between you and me that is saying something. You will have to register, although that'll probably take you like 15 seconds. It's gonna replace the comments, it'll be in addition to the comments. And you don't have to go over there if you don't want to, but I'm fairly sure that some interesting things will be going on. There's already a couple of discussion threads there. One in which I discuss John McCain and lamented my saying what I said, and how I'm never actually going to vote for John McCain. Sometimes you just like to make your older brother mad at you. Poke poke poke poke. But there is also a thread about what to include in the forum. There are several sections, and several forums within sections and if you think that there should be a section or a forum, please suggest it so that I can create it. And I'm very glad to have that done with. Now I am going to go eat dinner, and it's gonna be great. I will see you tomorrow.
(at home) (sigh) That was nice. Katherine and I have some friends that have a cabin up on Seeley Lake. Which is a really nice place, and Katherine and I went there this week to hang out it was awesome. It was kinda weird though for Katherine. Because she was like the only not pregnant girl. Babies babies babies. To me it does not feel like baby time yet, but a lot of my friends are having baby time.
I'm worried that if I ever have a baby, it won't have any friends. Because all of the other babies will be so much older than him. I guess that's a pretty stupid fear. Unless every body stops having the capability of having babies, which I've read two books about lately and seen one movie, so maybe it's not that far fetched. Uh, having read those books and then seeing all these pregnant people, suddenly not so worried.
Speaking of books, I just read Feed in my pants and every body was right, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia brain. Idon'twantwikipediainmybrain. I don't want a wikipedia brain. Don't want a wikipedia in my brain oh my God. I found that book to be entirely terrifying. The future could be bad. Well done, good book, though it really made me a little bit more pessimistic about society and that's not necessarily something that I want. But it's really important that we recognize that these kinds of things are issues, and that we live in a very strange society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you go buy Feed, by M. T. Anderson, it was very good.
I got an email today from The Weather Channel. They would like to interview me for a new show on global warming. It's not the kind of thing that I really expect people to watch. Stupid! There's always something on. I just wanna know what the weather is! This stupid kid's talking! That's kind of what I expect people to be saying while I'm talking. Still very cool.
You may have noticed that today's video is a little late. That is becaaaause I made a foruuuuuuuum! It took me a while. So I've been doing that all day, and a lot of last night, oh boy John, your challenges. Sometimes they wipe me out. And it's linked to, on the side bar. Or you can just go straight to the forum which is at brotherhood2.com/mypants . So when there's a discussion in the comments, or -or maybe one of us is starting a discussion in video format we can say things like, we'll continue this discussion of John McCain in my pants. Then you're not sure if the discussion is gonna happen in your pants, or if you're discussing John McCain in my pants, or if you're discussing John McCain who is in my pants, or if we're just discussing it in the forum, which is called My Pants.
It was one of my more brilliant ideas, and between you and me that is saying something. You will have to register, although that'll probably take you like 15 seconds. It's gonna replace the comments, it'll be in addition to the comments. And you don't have to go over there if you don't want to, but I'm fairly sure that some interesting things will be going on. There's already a couple of discussion threads there. One in which I discuss John McCain and lamented my saying what I said, and how I'm never actually going to vote for John McCain. Sometimes you just like to make your older brother mad at you. Poke poke poke poke. But there is also a thread about what to include in the forum. There are several sections, and several forums within sections and if you think that there should be a section or a forum, please suggest it so that I can create it. And I'm very glad to have that done with. Now I am going to go eat dinner, and it's gonna be great. I will see you tomorrow.
June 1: Barack Saabama
Good morning John, It's Friday June 1st. I don't have time for it to be June yet! Why was May so short? Stupid May. My life is slipping away. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. BONG. BONG. BONG. Slipping through my fingers.
What I mean to say is life's too short for brothers to be angry at each other. Which is why you're just going to have to admit you're wrong. Your response to my derision of Barack Obama was maybe a little bit unconvincing. I said that he was well-spoken and attractive, to that list you added "smart" Ummm. I think that we might have to admit that Brotherhood 2.0 is not going to be able to endorse a candidate in the 2008 elections. Because we might not be voting for the same person. I mean, I'll vote for Barack Obama if he's running against Mitt Romney, but I might not vote for Barack Obama if he's running against John McCain.
This country has a lot of problems, and Barack Obama has a lot of good ideas, but you can't sit there and tell me that a candidate is "smart" if he wants to increase the amount of carbon dioxide that our automobile fleet produces. By OVER 100%! That's not smart. That's uh, that's stupid.
Liquid coal is an extremely bad idea. It's the exact opposite of everything I work for. While I recognize that there are a lot of issues, that are important to me, and maybe should even be more important to me, than global warming, this is what I do. It's what I care about the most. It's what I spend all of my time doing and I just can't support some one who is not only a supporter, but like the congressional champion on the Democratic side. I like it when he talks, it makes me happy. When Hilary Clinton talks it makes me nauseous. But that is not a reason to vote for a candidate.
Obviously what's worse is that there are so many cars in America. We don't need them all. Frankly I think that I need one less. (pulls out 100 dollar bill, puts in mouth) that was me yesterday, putting my money where my mouth is. John, you may already be angry at me, but I might be about to make you more angry at me. I'll let Yesterday Self tell you about that so you can be angry at him instead of me.
(Yesterday Self) Katherine and I have become a one car family. (holds up $100) And there's a certain advantage to becoming a one car family. 90 of these. That's two, this is 88. (fans out 100s, bites stack) We have sold the less fuel efficient of the two cars, also the much more expensive of the two cars. I very intentionally video taped this yesterday so that no one would know that I have this much money until I put it in the bank. Which I'm about to go do. So don't come over and try to rob me, because I've already deposited it. This kinda scares the crap out of me. At the same time I just kinda want to rub it on myself. (rubs on face) ooohhh.
It's hard to be down on losing a really nice car when you've got your hand full of 88 hundred dollar bills. (adds two) I mean, 90. 90 hundred dollar bills. So, uh, maybe I'm just gonna invest it all in solar stocks. I have faith in the solar power industry.
(Today self) Man, that guy is such a jerk. He totally sold the Saab, you love the Saab! I don't believe he did that. Make sure that he knows he's done you wrong, but I'm on your side, I'm all behind you on all the different reasons why you're angry, we should be friends.
Thank you for challenging me to make a forum, I'm workin on it, and I challenge you to move to Indianapolis cause right now I don't think you need anything else on your plate. John, I'll see you on Monday.
What I mean to say is life's too short for brothers to be angry at each other. Which is why you're just going to have to admit you're wrong. Your response to my derision of Barack Obama was maybe a little bit unconvincing. I said that he was well-spoken and attractive, to that list you added "smart" Ummm. I think that we might have to admit that Brotherhood 2.0 is not going to be able to endorse a candidate in the 2008 elections. Because we might not be voting for the same person. I mean, I'll vote for Barack Obama if he's running against Mitt Romney, but I might not vote for Barack Obama if he's running against John McCain.
This country has a lot of problems, and Barack Obama has a lot of good ideas, but you can't sit there and tell me that a candidate is "smart" if he wants to increase the amount of carbon dioxide that our automobile fleet produces. By OVER 100%! That's not smart. That's uh, that's stupid.
Liquid coal is an extremely bad idea. It's the exact opposite of everything I work for. While I recognize that there are a lot of issues, that are important to me, and maybe should even be more important to me, than global warming, this is what I do. It's what I care about the most. It's what I spend all of my time doing and I just can't support some one who is not only a supporter, but like the congressional champion on the Democratic side. I like it when he talks, it makes me happy. When Hilary Clinton talks it makes me nauseous. But that is not a reason to vote for a candidate.
Obviously what's worse is that there are so many cars in America. We don't need them all. Frankly I think that I need one less. (pulls out 100 dollar bill, puts in mouth) that was me yesterday, putting my money where my mouth is. John, you may already be angry at me, but I might be about to make you more angry at me. I'll let Yesterday Self tell you about that so you can be angry at him instead of me.
(Yesterday Self) Katherine and I have become a one car family. (holds up $100) And there's a certain advantage to becoming a one car family. 90 of these. That's two, this is 88. (fans out 100s, bites stack) We have sold the less fuel efficient of the two cars, also the much more expensive of the two cars. I very intentionally video taped this yesterday so that no one would know that I have this much money until I put it in the bank. Which I'm about to go do. So don't come over and try to rob me, because I've already deposited it. This kinda scares the crap out of me. At the same time I just kinda want to rub it on myself. (rubs on face) ooohhh.
It's hard to be down on losing a really nice car when you've got your hand full of 88 hundred dollar bills. (adds two) I mean, 90. 90 hundred dollar bills. So, uh, maybe I'm just gonna invest it all in solar stocks. I have faith in the solar power industry.
(Today self) Man, that guy is such a jerk. He totally sold the Saab, you love the Saab! I don't believe he did that. Make sure that he knows he's done you wrong, but I'm on your side, I'm all behind you on all the different reasons why you're angry, we should be friends.
Thank you for challenging me to make a forum, I'm workin on it, and I challenge you to move to Indianapolis cause right now I don't think you need anything else on your plate. John, I'll see you on Monday.
Brotherhood 2.0: May 31: Yogurt eating
Lindsay: Good morning, Hank.
It's Thursday, May 31st and you just got said hello to by Lindsay Robertson. Hank I'm very late updating today because the Yeti's out of town and when the Yeti's gone I kind of don't know what to do with myself or how to schedule my time and I had to go to a reading earlier and then reading turned into dinner and dinner turned into drinks and then all of a sudden it's ten o'clock and I'm like I have to go I gotta make a Brotherhood 2.0 video! And then I got home and I was still hungry and the Yeti and I have made this deal that we will eat everything that is in the refrigerator before we leave New York, so I had an after dinner meal that consisted of frozen chicken vindaloo, carrots, ketchup, and Italian dressing.
Hank, where do you get off dissing Barack Obama? That's not cool. We try to present a united front here at Brotherhood 2.0 but when you go and say things like Barack Obama is merely well-spoken and merely attractive I get angry. Who you gonna vote for in 2008 if not Barack Obama? Yes, he has a problem with liquid coal, I agree that he has a problem with liquid coal, but a lot of people have a lot of other problems that are even more serious than that. He's smart! Maybe I'm biased as a Nerdfighter but I value intelligence.
Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ranamalo- Ramanama- Ramnalova? Ramanalova? Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ramanalova song, it rocked. By the way, Hank, thanks to commenter Ashley I now know Queen Ramanalova's first name and it is a beauty. Rabodoandrianampoinimerina why did she go by Ranavalona when she could have gone by Rabodoandianapoiniamaponatia?
In other news: Hank I've been thinking some about the Brotherhood2.com website. I think it's time for Brotherhood 2.0 to have a forum because the comments are getting really confused and there're so many of them, and it's hard to read them all at once, and you don't know which is about what. And so Hank, I challenge you to make us a forum. If the viewers are in favor of that.
Speaking of challenges you've done a great job with the song writing challenge so far, I mean, I really threw you for a loop with that skipping Memorial day thing, but then you did a great job writing a song in like six hours about Queen Ranavalona, so I'm really proud of you on the challenge front. And now I've challenged you again, and I can't help but feel like, you know, you haven't challenged me much, lately. I mean, there's a lot of things I could do for a challenge. For instance you could challenge me to eat six ounces of yogurt which is worth two Weight Watchers points, in, say, ten seconds? (drinks yogurt) Aaaah! Nerdfighters! Is there- did I get a little on my nose? (tries to lick it off) I don't have one of those tongues, Hank, do you have one of those tongues? (tries again) Maybe if I lower my nose? (presses down and tries again) uuuhhh, no. I'm gonna have to wipe and lick. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
It's Thursday, May 31st and you just got said hello to by Lindsay Robertson. Hank I'm very late updating today because the Yeti's out of town and when the Yeti's gone I kind of don't know what to do with myself or how to schedule my time and I had to go to a reading earlier and then reading turned into dinner and dinner turned into drinks and then all of a sudden it's ten o'clock and I'm like I have to go I gotta make a Brotherhood 2.0 video! And then I got home and I was still hungry and the Yeti and I have made this deal that we will eat everything that is in the refrigerator before we leave New York, so I had an after dinner meal that consisted of frozen chicken vindaloo, carrots, ketchup, and Italian dressing.
Hank, where do you get off dissing Barack Obama? That's not cool. We try to present a united front here at Brotherhood 2.0 but when you go and say things like Barack Obama is merely well-spoken and merely attractive I get angry. Who you gonna vote for in 2008 if not Barack Obama? Yes, he has a problem with liquid coal, I agree that he has a problem with liquid coal, but a lot of people have a lot of other problems that are even more serious than that. He's smart! Maybe I'm biased as a Nerdfighter but I value intelligence.
Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ranamalo- Ramanama- Ramnalova? Ramanalova? Hank I'd like to thank you for the Queen Ramanalova song, it rocked. By the way, Hank, thanks to commenter Ashley I now know Queen Ramanalova's first name and it is a beauty. Rabodoandrianampoinimerina why did she go by Ranavalona when she could have gone by Rabodoandianapoiniamaponatia?
In other news: Hank I've been thinking some about the Brotherhood2.com website. I think it's time for Brotherhood 2.0 to have a forum because the comments are getting really confused and there're so many of them, and it's hard to read them all at once, and you don't know which is about what. And so Hank, I challenge you to make us a forum. If the viewers are in favor of that.
Speaking of challenges you've done a great job with the song writing challenge so far, I mean, I really threw you for a loop with that skipping Memorial day thing, but then you did a great job writing a song in like six hours about Queen Ranavalona, so I'm really proud of you on the challenge front. And now I've challenged you again, and I can't help but feel like, you know, you haven't challenged me much, lately. I mean, there's a lot of things I could do for a challenge. For instance you could challenge me to eat six ounces of yogurt which is worth two Weight Watchers points, in, say, ten seconds? (drinks yogurt) Aaaah! Nerdfighters! Is there- did I get a little on my nose? (tries to lick it off) I don't have one of those tongues, Hank, do you have one of those tongues? (tries again) Maybe if I lower my nose? (presses down and tries again) uuuhhh, no. I'm gonna have to wipe and lick. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Thursday, November 4
May 30th: Ranavalona and Clean Coal
(guitar strumming) Good morning John, it's Wednesday, May 30th. I was really surprised, suddenly, to discover that I needed to do a song today. So I decided yesterday, after I realized, that I would take something extremely random from your video and make a song about it. And I was extremely surprised to find that you gave me something ridiculously random to deal with.
(sings) Queen Ranavalona the first
Throughout history, killers found a way
To gather enough power to put millions in their graves
Henry just focused on his wives
While Hitler's war took 70 million lives
But I've got to wonder if those guys were worse
Than Queen Ranavalona the First
(sings) Queen Ranavalona the first
Throughout history, killers found a way
To gather enough power to put millions in their graves
Henry just focused on his wives
While Hitler's war took 70 million lives
But I've got to wonder if those guys were worse
Than Queen Ranavalona the First
Oh Ranavalona, Ranavalona, Ranavalona the First
They call her the Mad Queen of Madagascar
She'll sell you into slavery, she'll boil you in tar
She'll dress you up in bloody animal skins and set the dogs on you
A third of her nation died under her rule
If ever the reign of a woman was cursed
It was Queen Ranavalona the First
Ranavalona, Ranavalona, Ranavalona the First.
They call her the Mad Queen of Madagascar
She'll sell you into slavery, she'll boil you in tar
She'll dress you up in bloody animal skins and set the dogs on you
A third of her nation died under her rule
If ever the reign of a woman was cursed
It was Queen Ranavalona the First
Ranavalona, Ranavalona, Ranavalona the First.
(spoken) I did it! So, yesterday's video. Packing already, moving, oh my God! Leaving New York. That's scary and I'm sorry and I hope that I don't have to do that any time soon. Ahhh so much lifting. Euugh.
Also in reference to your last video: Amazing Yeti. I'm undone.
On a more serious note, I've been a little bit disappointed lately of the coverage of coal. Now we all know that coal is bad, but we need it to power all of our lights and stuff. But the worst thing in the world would be to find more ways to use coal. There are people trying to figure out how to use coal to power automobiles. I have to wonder if you know that your favorite guy, Mr. Obama, is a champion for coal to liquid technology. I mean, he's really photogenic and well-spoken and everything, but - but this kind of turns me off. I'm also angry that there has been clean coal advertisements popping up all over the place. Like even on some environmental blogs. One of the advertisements is a lump of coal with, uh, legs that runs and skips and jumps and is happy. He has thought bubbles that say happy things. I have cleared out his though bubble so that people can have him say whatever they think that he would actually say (image of coal saying I'm in yr gas tank destroyin yr planetz, and then a middle finger wth FU) I would like to encourage Nerdfighters to do that. The, uh, graphic is below, and you can send them to sparksflyup@gmail.com or put them in the comments. The best one may even win a prize.
John, I will see you tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 2
Brotherhood 2.0: March 1, 2007: Sophistication. And balls.
Good morning, Hank. It’s Thursday, March 1st; we’re one sixth of the way done. Today’s video comes in four parts. Part one: presents. Part two: sophistication. Part three: balls. Part four: presidential politics. Yeah, I said balls.
Part one: presents. Hank, I want to thank you for completing the picture book project. It really kind of made my day and it felt like you were giving me a present. I feel like I haven’t given you many presents during the making of this video blog and it makes me kind of sad, although it occurs to me that it’s kind of a present when I physically hurt myself because, let’s face it, brothers like to see that stuff. Plus, there’s the small matter of Christmas 2000, when I bought you a DVD player for Christmas and you bought me two pairs of white tube socks. I feel like you’re still making up for that. (John now has eight ecogeek business cards taped to his face.) Anyway, Hank, I want you to know that I’m definitely going to try harder to give you presents on this video blog in the future.
Part two: sophistication. Hank, in the first two months of our video blog we’ve managed to mention most of the major bodily functions. Anyway, I was thinking we should increase the sophistication factor of Brotherhood 2.0. And that is why, today, I’m implementing a program to read James Joyce’s entire Ulysses to you out loud thirty seconds at a time starting now. (Reading from Ulysses) Stately, plum Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air.
(Book down) Okay, that’s boring. Part three: balls. Hank, your video on Monday where you had the gigantic blob of earwax removed from your ear got me to thinking a lot about the world’s largest balls. What I’m thinking is this: if you work hard and stay committed, you could potentially accrue the world’s largest ball of earwax by the end of 2007. Now, of course, it wouldn’t just be your earwax. We would also have to get help from our viewers. They would send you their earwax and their friends would send you their earwax, and then finally you would mold it together and turn it into the world’s largest ball of earwax. Believe me, Hank, this is practical. I’m a connoisseur of the world’s largest balls. I’ve seen the world’s largest ball of twine, I’ve seen the world’s largest ball of paint, and I’ve seen the world’s largest ball of stamps. And the world’s largest ball of earwax is just out there, waiting to be sculpted.
Part four: presidential politics. Hank, I have a question for you. Should Brotherhood 2.0 endorse a presidential candidate? If so, should we endorse a presidential candidate in the primary? I think the answers to these questions are yes, and yes. And Barack Obama. What do you think the answers are?
(John has cards on face again) This feels kind of good actually.
(singing) I’m being Hank for a day
Part one: presents. Hank, I want to thank you for completing the picture book project. It really kind of made my day and it felt like you were giving me a present. I feel like I haven’t given you many presents during the making of this video blog and it makes me kind of sad, although it occurs to me that it’s kind of a present when I physically hurt myself because, let’s face it, brothers like to see that stuff. Plus, there’s the small matter of Christmas 2000, when I bought you a DVD player for Christmas and you bought me two pairs of white tube socks. I feel like you’re still making up for that. (John now has eight ecogeek business cards taped to his face.) Anyway, Hank, I want you to know that I’m definitely going to try harder to give you presents on this video blog in the future.
Part two: sophistication. Hank, in the first two months of our video blog we’ve managed to mention most of the major bodily functions. Anyway, I was thinking we should increase the sophistication factor of Brotherhood 2.0. And that is why, today, I’m implementing a program to read James Joyce’s entire Ulysses to you out loud thirty seconds at a time starting now. (Reading from Ulysses) Stately, plum Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air.
(Book down) Okay, that’s boring. Part three: balls. Hank, your video on Monday where you had the gigantic blob of earwax removed from your ear got me to thinking a lot about the world’s largest balls. What I’m thinking is this: if you work hard and stay committed, you could potentially accrue the world’s largest ball of earwax by the end of 2007. Now, of course, it wouldn’t just be your earwax. We would also have to get help from our viewers. They would send you their earwax and their friends would send you their earwax, and then finally you would mold it together and turn it into the world’s largest ball of earwax. Believe me, Hank, this is practical. I’m a connoisseur of the world’s largest balls. I’ve seen the world’s largest ball of twine, I’ve seen the world’s largest ball of paint, and I’ve seen the world’s largest ball of stamps. And the world’s largest ball of earwax is just out there, waiting to be sculpted.
Part four: presidential politics. Hank, I have a question for you. Should Brotherhood 2.0 endorse a presidential candidate? If so, should we endorse a presidential candidate in the primary? I think the answers to these questions are yes, and yes. And Barack Obama. What do you think the answers are?
(John has cards on face again) This feels kind of good actually.
(singing) I’m being Hank for a day
I’m being Hank for a day.
I live in Montana and rarely shower.
I’m always blogging about solar power.
Oh, I’m being Hank for a day!
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Hey, Hank, something just occurred to me. Did I never get you a wedding present? If so, please put the word myriad in your next video.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Hey, Hank, something just occurred to me. Did I never get you a wedding present? If so, please put the word myriad in your next video.
Brotherhood 2.0: Everyone Poops in My Pants, a Picture Book
Good morning, John. It’s Wednesday, February 28th, and it’s story day.
Our story today is called, (The rest of the story is narrated by John, while Hank illustrates)
“Everyone poops in my pants,” by Hank Green. Image: The title and author, a guy with glasses frowning, and some pants with stink lines rising from the butt area.
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Image: Hank’s drawing of himself, complete with glasses and messy hair. He’s wearing a shirt that reads, “MTX.” and is waving.
Each morning, I wake up and dozens of people surround my house, chanting, “What do we want to poop in?” “Hank’s pants!” “When do we want to poop in them?” “Now!” “Hey, hey, ho, ho, into Hank’s pants we gotta go! Hey, hey, ho, ho, into Hank’s pants we gotta go…poop.” Image: Hank’s face at the top, talking. Hank is also lying in bed inside his house, a crowd appears outside. The crowds say the chants.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking, “Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants. Image: Hank’s face, with index finger raised in a sign of pause, and some smelly pants.
And that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven’t pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana. And many babies haven’t pooped in my pants because they’re too busy pooping in their own. Image: Hank’s face, some people looking sad as an airplane flies over their head, and the midsection of a baby, complete with smelly diaper.
I’m just saying that, statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, my dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Image: Hank’s face, looking a little sorry for us. Drawings of his mom and dad and John
Kirsten Dunst was wearing, and pooping in, my pants during the entire filming of Spiderman 2. Image: Hank’s face, explaining this all to us. Kirstin Dunst’s picture, saying, “I’m pooping in Hank’s pants right now!” “And it’s goooood.”
Our story today is called, (The rest of the story is narrated by John, while Hank illustrates)
“Everyone poops in my pants,” by Hank Green. Image: The title and author, a guy with glasses frowning, and some pants with stink lines rising from the butt area.
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Image: Hank’s drawing of himself, complete with glasses and messy hair. He’s wearing a shirt that reads, “MTX.” and is waving.
Each morning, I wake up and dozens of people surround my house, chanting, “What do we want to poop in?” “Hank’s pants!” “When do we want to poop in them?” “Now!” “Hey, hey, ho, ho, into Hank’s pants we gotta go! Hey, hey, ho, ho, into Hank’s pants we gotta go…poop.” Image: Hank’s face at the top, talking. Hank is also lying in bed inside his house, a crowd appears outside. The crowds say the chants.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking, “Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants. Image: Hank’s face, with index finger raised in a sign of pause, and some smelly pants.
And that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven’t pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana. And many babies haven’t pooped in my pants because they’re too busy pooping in their own. Image: Hank’s face, some people looking sad as an airplane flies over their head, and the midsection of a baby, complete with smelly diaper.
I’m just saying that, statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, my dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Image: Hank’s face, looking a little sorry for us. Drawings of his mom and dad and John
Kirsten Dunst was wearing, and pooping in, my pants during the entire filming of Spiderman 2. Image: Hank’s face, explaining this all to us. Kirstin Dunst’s picture, saying, “I’m pooping in Hank’s pants right now!” “And it’s goooood.”
The entire Liverpool Football Club pooped in my umbros immediately after winning the 2005 UEAFA cup. Image: A picture of the Liverpool Football club shouting, “Who gots to poop in Hank’s pants? WE DO!” and some stinky umbros.
German novelist Gunter Gras pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel prize. image: Hank’s face looking slightly unnerved. Gras with a pipe, a mustache, and a medal that reads, “No Bell!” He’s saying, “Ja pumpte ich in seinen Hoten aus.”
German novelist Gunter Gras pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel prize. image: Hank’s face looking slightly unnerved. Gras with a pipe, a mustache, and a medal that reads, “No Bell!” He’s saying, “Ja pumpte ich in seinen Hoten aus.”
Stephen Daedalus is just one of the many fictional characters that have nonfictionally pooped in my nonfictional pants. Image: A picture of the Penguin Classics publication of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce.
Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him…and then pooped in them. Image: Hank’s face looking downright disgusted. Al Roker, holding his very large pants up to demonstrate his weight loss, saying, “I had to make room for all my poop.”
Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him…and then pooped in them. Image: Hank’s face looking downright disgusted. Al Roker, holding his very large pants up to demonstrate his weight loss, saying, “I had to make room for all my poop.”
Vladimir Ilyich Lenin died in 1924, but has nonetheless pooped in my pants. Image: A picture of Lenin shouting to crowds, “I traveled through time to poop in these pants!”
George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants, although he did poop near my pants, and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone’s pants! Having seen his poop I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. Image: Hank’s face looking mad, some pants, and a pile of poop next to them.
George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants, although he did poop near my pants, and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone’s pants! Having seen his poop I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. Image: Hank’s face looking mad, some pants, and a pile of poop next to them.
Wow, those guys must be selling the president’s war plan! Image: YouTube page of John’s February 7th video: a picture of a sign that reads, “Guess what we got in a bag…cow shit.”
People often ask me, “Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?” Yes, it does! Sometimes something great will happen. Like, the other day, Barack Obama came by, and he pooped in my pants. And his poop kinda made me believe in America again. Image: Hank looking sad, and Barack Obama looking nobly towards a pair of stinky pants.
But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bare. Image: Hank’s face looking kind of miserable.
People often ask me, “Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?” Yes, it does! Sometimes something great will happen. Like, the other day, Barack Obama came by, and he pooped in my pants. And his poop kinda made me believe in America again. Image: Hank looking sad, and Barack Obama looking nobly towards a pair of stinky pants.
But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bare. Image: Hank’s face looking kind of miserable.
Some people have chronic back pain. Image: A man grasping his back in pain.
Some people are on Team Karen. Image: A picture of Karen from “The Office” (USA)
Some people are Republicans. Image: A map of the red and blue states, turned on its side so that the East coast is at the top and the West coast is at the bottom.
Me, I just happen to have pants into which people really like to poop. It could certainly be worse.\
It’s like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in your pants. Image: Hank’s face looking relieved. A nude Eric Idle pooping into pants.
It’s like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in your pants. Image: Hank’s face looking relieved. A nude Eric Idle pooping into pants.
Song clip from Eric Idle’s “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” originally sung in The Life of Brian. There are music notes drawn around the words.
On screen, with no narration, appear the words: “Well, that was an odd way to spend a Sunday afternoon…Anyway…I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hank’s face and stinky pants also appear.
On screen, with no narration, appear the words: “Well, that was an odd way to spend a Sunday afternoon…Anyway…I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hank’s face and stinky pants also appear.
Brotherhood 2.0: February 7, 2007
Good morning, Hank, it's Wednesday, February 7th, and it's story day! Our story today is called: Everyone Poops in My Pants, by Hank Green.
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Each morning, I wake up, and dozens of people surround my house chanting:
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Each morning, I wake up, and dozens of people surround my house chanting:
"What do we want to poop in?!"
"Hank's pants!"
"When do we want to poop in them?!"
"Now!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Poop."
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants, and that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven't pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana; and many babies haven't pooped in my pants because they're too busy pooping in their own. I'm just saying that statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, and dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Kristen Dunst was wearing and pooping in my pants during the entire filing of Spiderman 2. The entire Liverpool Football club pooped in my Umbros immedently after winning the 2005 UEFA Cup. German novelist Günter Grass pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel Prize. Stephen Dedalus is just one of the many fictional characters who have who have nonfictionaly pooped in my nonfictional pants. Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him, and then pooped in them. Vladimir Ilyich Linden died in 1924 but has nonetheless pooped in my pants. George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants; although he did poop near my pants and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone's pants. Having seen his poop, I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. (shows a sign saying, "Guess what we got in a bag: Cow Shit) Wow, those guys must be selling the president's war plan.
People often ask me, "Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?" Yes it does! Sometimes something great will happen, like the other day Barak Obama came by and he pooped in my pants, and his poop kind of makes me believe in America again. But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bear. Some people have chronic back pain. Some people are on Team Karen. Some people are Republicans. Me? I just happen to have pants into which people really like to poop. It could certainly be worse. It's like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in my pants. (Brotherhood 2.0 logo shows up, with "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Eric Idle playing in the background)
(back on John, talking rather fast) Hank, per the request of several commenters, I hereby challenge you to answer every single question in your survey, in one video blog of three minutes and thirty seconds or less. Yes you will have to talk at this speed! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
"Hank's pants!"
"When do we want to poop in them?!"
"Now!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Poop."
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants, and that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven't pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana; and many babies haven't pooped in my pants because they're too busy pooping in their own. I'm just saying that statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, and dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Kristen Dunst was wearing and pooping in my pants during the entire filing of Spiderman 2. The entire Liverpool Football club pooped in my Umbros immedently after winning the 2005 UEFA Cup. German novelist Günter Grass pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel Prize. Stephen Dedalus is just one of the many fictional characters who have who have nonfictionaly pooped in my nonfictional pants. Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him, and then pooped in them. Vladimir Ilyich Linden died in 1924 but has nonetheless pooped in my pants. George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants; although he did poop near my pants and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone's pants. Having seen his poop, I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. (shows a sign saying, "Guess what we got in a bag: Cow Shit) Wow, those guys must be selling the president's war plan.
People often ask me, "Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?" Yes it does! Sometimes something great will happen, like the other day Barak Obama came by and he pooped in my pants, and his poop kind of makes me believe in America again. But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bear. Some people have chronic back pain. Some people are on Team Karen. Some people are Republicans. Me? I just happen to have pants into which people really like to poop. It could certainly be worse. It's like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in my pants. (Brotherhood 2.0 logo shows up, with "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Eric Idle playing in the background)
(back on John, talking rather fast) Hank, per the request of several commenters, I hereby challenge you to answer every single question in your survey, in one video blog of three minutes and thirty seconds or less. Yes you will have to talk at this speed! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
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