(on lake) Good morning John, it's Tuesday June 5th.
(at home) (sigh) That was nice. Katherine and I have some friends that have a cabin up on Seeley Lake. Which is a really nice place, and Katherine and I went there this week to hang out it was awesome. It was kinda weird though for Katherine. Because she was like the only not pregnant girl. Babies babies babies. To me it does not feel like baby time yet, but a lot of my friends are having baby time.
I'm worried that if I ever have a baby, it won't have any friends. Because all of the other babies will be so much older than him. I guess that's a pretty stupid fear. Unless every body stops having the capability of having babies, which I've read two books about lately and seen one movie, so maybe it's not that far fetched. Uh, having read those books and then seeing all these pregnant people, suddenly not so worried.
Speaking of books, I just read Feed in my pants and every body was right, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia in my brain, I don't want wikipedia brain. Idon'twantwikipediainmybrain. I don't want a wikipedia brain. Don't want a wikipedia in my brain oh my God. I found that book to be entirely terrifying. The future could be bad. Well done, good book, though it really made me a little bit more pessimistic about society and that's not necessarily something that I want. But it's really important that we recognize that these kinds of things are issues, and that we live in a very strange society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you go buy Feed, by M. T. Anderson, it was very good.
I got an email today from The Weather Channel. They would like to interview me for a new show on global warming. It's not the kind of thing that I really expect people to watch. Stupid! There's always something on. I just wanna know what the weather is! This stupid kid's talking! That's kind of what I expect people to be saying while I'm talking. Still very cool.
You may have noticed that today's video is a little late. That is becaaaause I made a foruuuuuuuum! It took me a while. So I've been doing that all day, and a lot of last night, oh boy John, your challenges. Sometimes they wipe me out. And it's linked to, on the side bar. Or you can just go straight to the forum which is at brotherhood2.com/mypants . So when there's a discussion in the comments, or -or maybe one of us is starting a discussion in video format we can say things like, we'll continue this discussion of John McCain in my pants. Then you're not sure if the discussion is gonna happen in your pants, or if you're discussing John McCain in my pants, or if you're discussing John McCain who is in my pants, or if we're just discussing it in the forum, which is called My Pants.
It was one of my more brilliant ideas, and between you and me that is saying something. You will have to register, although that'll probably take you like 15 seconds. It's gonna replace the comments, it'll be in addition to the comments. And you don't have to go over there if you don't want to, but I'm fairly sure that some interesting things will be going on. There's already a couple of discussion threads there. One in which I discuss John McCain and lamented my saying what I said, and how I'm never actually going to vote for John McCain. Sometimes you just like to make your older brother mad at you. Poke poke poke poke. But there is also a thread about what to include in the forum. There are several sections, and several forums within sections and if you think that there should be a section or a forum, please suggest it so that I can create it. And I'm very glad to have that done with. Now I am going to go eat dinner, and it's gonna be great. I will see you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label In Your Pants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label In Your Pants. Show all posts
Friday, November 5
Thursday, November 4
Brotherhood 2.0: May 29: The Goth Scene and Evil Ladies
(looking in trash) Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday, May 29th, I'm back on the odd days, and I am here in New York City searching for packing supplies. Hank, you've turned us into conservationists and as conservationists we feel compelled to scour the streets of New York City for moving boxes. Instead of, you know, purchasing them. (finds some)
(at home) Hank, you may notice a slight difference in the background of this video, that's because the Yeti and I have almost finished packing all of our books. Hold on, I'll show you. Aaaaahhhh. Uuuhhhhg. Hank, there are many things that Nerdfighters are good at. We're good at puzzles, we're good at being smart, we're good at being extraordinarily good looking, but we do not excel at lifting, and lifting, I'm sorry to say, is a very important part of moving. OK, hold on, I'm gonna get up and show it to you. Guh! (shot of many boxes) Look at all the books!
Hank, packing all of those books has sort of sucked and it's caused my hamstrings to snap into to, but there has been one advantage: I've found two books that I've been looking for for a long time. The first is called: Everything You Need to Know About The Goth Scene In Your Pants. Hank, here's what I'm wondering: what kind of Goth scene are we talking about? Because I don't mind having people listen to The Cure inside my pants, but it's gonna be really awkward to have large armies massacring each other uh, in my pants.
Hank you asked my while I was in the Netherlands what we were going to do about the paucity of evil female babies. That brings me to the second book I found while packing: The Most Evil Women in History! In your pants. Hank this book has introduced me to several really genuinely evil women, but I am particularly impressed by Queen Ranalova! Ranavalona? Ranavalona? Queen Ranavalona the first. Uh, I like a couple of things about Queen Ranavalona first I like saying her name: Ranavalona Ranavalona Ranavalona Ranavalonaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! And second I like the fact that she's Ranavalona the first and that there was never a Ranavalona the second. This reminds me of one of my other favorite monarchs from history, King Zog the first of Albania. Zoooog. Anyway, Hank, I'd like to read you a quote about Queen Ranavalona.
"If this woman's rule lasts much longer Madagascar will be depopulated." Anyway, Hank, I don't think we should have any trouble at all finding an adequate number of evil ladies to fill out the Evil Baby Orphanage. I think that's all from me, Hank, I'll see you t- (knock knock knock)
Wait what's that? Come in! (stands) Thank you very much! (holds up scroll) Ah! From the desk of The Yeti! Hmm: (reads)
A year ago last week
John Green convinced this girl to say I do
And his brother was you.
Hank, thanks for your warning,
But there's only so much one Yeti's womb can do.
And that number is two.
(sings) Only one girl could ever stop John Green
From achieving his one unmatchable dream
I know that he will stop before 19
If he wants to remain married to me
The may play Ultimate, they may play darts
But they needn't play soccer to win our hearts
The only kind of sporting team our kids will fill
Is a competitively fierce game of skill
They needn't be numerous, they needn't be huge
And the team they'll make is two-man luge
I could go on for many verses more
But the crucial lines are stated heretofore
Hank I've got to tell you
Tell you about the power I have. Sarah Green
May some day be a luge team making machine
(spoken) Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and happy 26th birthday to Amy, and happy 13th birthday to Anne, you guys are like half each others' age, so that's cool.
(at home) Hank, you may notice a slight difference in the background of this video, that's because the Yeti and I have almost finished packing all of our books. Hold on, I'll show you. Aaaaahhhh. Uuuhhhhg. Hank, there are many things that Nerdfighters are good at. We're good at puzzles, we're good at being smart, we're good at being extraordinarily good looking, but we do not excel at lifting, and lifting, I'm sorry to say, is a very important part of moving. OK, hold on, I'm gonna get up and show it to you. Guh! (shot of many boxes) Look at all the books!
Hank, packing all of those books has sort of sucked and it's caused my hamstrings to snap into to, but there has been one advantage: I've found two books that I've been looking for for a long time. The first is called: Everything You Need to Know About The Goth Scene In Your Pants. Hank, here's what I'm wondering: what kind of Goth scene are we talking about? Because I don't mind having people listen to The Cure inside my pants, but it's gonna be really awkward to have large armies massacring each other uh, in my pants.
Hank you asked my while I was in the Netherlands what we were going to do about the paucity of evil female babies. That brings me to the second book I found while packing: The Most Evil Women in History! In your pants. Hank this book has introduced me to several really genuinely evil women, but I am particularly impressed by Queen Ranalova! Ranavalona? Ranavalona? Queen Ranavalona the first. Uh, I like a couple of things about Queen Ranavalona first I like saying her name: Ranavalona Ranavalona Ranavalona Ranavalonaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! And second I like the fact that she's Ranavalona the first and that there was never a Ranavalona the second. This reminds me of one of my other favorite monarchs from history, King Zog the first of Albania. Zoooog. Anyway, Hank, I'd like to read you a quote about Queen Ranavalona.
"If this woman's rule lasts much longer Madagascar will be depopulated." Anyway, Hank, I don't think we should have any trouble at all finding an adequate number of evil ladies to fill out the Evil Baby Orphanage. I think that's all from me, Hank, I'll see you t- (knock knock knock)
Wait what's that? Come in! (stands) Thank you very much! (holds up scroll) Ah! From the desk of The Yeti! Hmm: (reads)
A year ago last week
John Green convinced this girl to say I do
And his brother was you.
Hank, thanks for your warning,
But there's only so much one Yeti's womb can do.
And that number is two.
(sings) Only one girl could ever stop John Green
From achieving his one unmatchable dream
I know that he will stop before 19
If he wants to remain married to me
The may play Ultimate, they may play darts
But they needn't play soccer to win our hearts
The only kind of sporting team our kids will fill
Is a competitively fierce game of skill
They needn't be numerous, they needn't be huge
And the team they'll make is two-man luge
I could go on for many verses more
But the crucial lines are stated heretofore
Hank I've got to tell you
Tell you about the power I have. Sarah Green
May some day be a luge team making machine
(spoken) Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and happy 26th birthday to Amy, and happy 13th birthday to Anne, you guys are like half each others' age, so that's cool.
Wednesday, November 3
Brotherhood 2.0: May 2: Book Banning
Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday, May 3rd. No it's not, it's May 2nd, am I ever gonna get that right? I'm sitting in front of different books because change is good.
(sings) Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
Good work with the song. In fact Hank, you did such a good job with the song that I can't help but think that maybe you could write one song every two weeks for the rest of the project. Say, every time you have to do a Wednesday. That would be fun and also easy! And by easy I mean, you know, for me.
Hank, thanks also for standing in that line to get Neil Gaiman to say hi to me. Neil Gaiman signed more books on that day in Helena, Montana than I've signed in my entire career. I gotta start writing about Neil Gaiman stuff.
And speaking of books, there's big news out of the young adult literature world. Brotherhood 2.0 fan and future secret sister Maureen Johnson has just had a book banned in Oklahoma. Hank, the book in question is called The Bermudez Triangle. I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it...ahh in your pants! Ahhhh feels so good when you let it out. The Bermudez Triangle...in your pants.
Hank, the fact that The Bermudez Triangle is funny when you add "in your pants" is literally the dirtiest thing about the book. There is nothing in it that's inappropriate for teen readers. For that matter, there's not really anything in it that's inappropriate for like, 10 year-olds. Hank, one of the biggest problems with book banning isn't even the books that get banned, it's the books that don't get banned because they never get into libraries in the first place because people are scared that they're going to get banned. Part of the reason we have to fight challenges is so that librarians know that we're with them when they get challenged. The other main reason that we have to fight challenges is because it's absolutely ridiculous to ban The Bermudez Triangle from a high school library, when it doesn't even contain any, like, dirty words or dirty scenes or anything! All it contains is gay characters. Honestly Bartlesville Mid High School, are you seriously going to ban all books that contain gay characters from your high school library? Are you gonna ban Bridget Jones's Diary? The Color Purple? No Exit? Brideshead Revisited? Angels in America? The Picture of Dorian Gray?
No, I don't think novels should be removed from high school libraries simply because they have homosexual characters. If you agree with me, I put the email addresses of all the people who were on the committee, most of whom haven't even read the book, right there (points down), beneath my picture. Let's email them, and tell them that we won't stand for this.
And then Hank, if they don't email us back, we can call them on Friday. I do have their phone numbers. I'll see you tomorrow.
(sings) Helena, Montana. Helena, Montana.
Good work with the song. In fact Hank, you did such a good job with the song that I can't help but think that maybe you could write one song every two weeks for the rest of the project. Say, every time you have to do a Wednesday. That would be fun and also easy! And by easy I mean, you know, for me.
Hank, thanks also for standing in that line to get Neil Gaiman to say hi to me. Neil Gaiman signed more books on that day in Helena, Montana than I've signed in my entire career. I gotta start writing about Neil Gaiman stuff.
And speaking of books, there's big news out of the young adult literature world. Brotherhood 2.0 fan and future secret sister Maureen Johnson has just had a book banned in Oklahoma. Hank, the book in question is called The Bermudez Triangle. I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it...ahh in your pants! Ahhhh feels so good when you let it out. The Bermudez Triangle...in your pants.
Hank, the fact that The Bermudez Triangle is funny when you add "in your pants" is literally the dirtiest thing about the book. There is nothing in it that's inappropriate for teen readers. For that matter, there's not really anything in it that's inappropriate for like, 10 year-olds. Hank, one of the biggest problems with book banning isn't even the books that get banned, it's the books that don't get banned because they never get into libraries in the first place because people are scared that they're going to get banned. Part of the reason we have to fight challenges is so that librarians know that we're with them when they get challenged. The other main reason that we have to fight challenges is because it's absolutely ridiculous to ban The Bermudez Triangle from a high school library, when it doesn't even contain any, like, dirty words or dirty scenes or anything! All it contains is gay characters. Honestly Bartlesville Mid High School, are you seriously going to ban all books that contain gay characters from your high school library? Are you gonna ban Bridget Jones's Diary? The Color Purple? No Exit? Brideshead Revisited? Angels in America? The Picture of Dorian Gray?
No, I don't think novels should be removed from high school libraries simply because they have homosexual characters. If you agree with me, I put the email addresses of all the people who were on the committee, most of whom haven't even read the book, right there (points down), beneath my picture. Let's email them, and tell them that we won't stand for this.
And then Hank, if they don't email us back, we can call them on Friday. I do have their phone numbers. I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: April 24: Moving
Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday, April 26th. Today's video blog comes in five parts.
Part one: Papa, it's his birthday, you need to call him.
Part two: Speaking of old people, Helen Hunt is on your guilt-free three list? Helen Hunt? Helen Hunt? Hank, I'd just like to remind you that cougar hunting is not legal in the United States. But anyway Hank, you're talking about your celebrity do list, as another commenter called it,
reminded me of number: 3. My own celebrity do list, which I keep, of course, in my copy of How to Be a Lady In Your Pants. Now, let's see if we can find it in here. Ah! There it is. OK, Hank, we have Natalie Portman, perfectly acceptable, Jenna Fischer from The Office. Pam. The only thing I like the idea of more than Pam and Jim getting together? Pam and John getting together. And then of course, we have Judy Blume. I mean, she's cute. She's really cute and one time at a conference she kissed me on the cheek and I liked it and I like her and I'm not gonna talk about it anymore. OK, maybe you get a pass on Helen Hunt.
Part 4: Moving! Hank, I'm sorry to hear that your house is on the block. I have good news though, I think that you should buy a house. But not in Missoula. Specifically I think you should buy a house in Indianapolis, Indiana. You wanna know why? Because I'm moving there. Sarah got a job at the Indianapolis Museum of Art, which is really one of the most exciting contemporary art spaces in America. And we're really psyched to go there, umm, but I'm a little worried because I don't have any friends in Indianapolis, and I think I'm gonna miss New York. Although if you think about it, Indianapolis is like the New York of Indiana. And also I'm told that its got really good urban exploring. Plus yesterday I was looking on the internet and houses in Indianapolis are almost free!
Part five: Hank, I liked your EcoGeek podcast animation introduction so much that I've been thinking that we could have a shorter, more visual animation for Brotherhood 2.0 that maybe doesn't spell communication wrong. Maybe you or one of the Nerdfighters can get on it. I'd do it myself except I'm bad at animating and plus I have to figure out how I'm gonna move to Indianapolis with all of these books. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Part one: Papa, it's his birthday, you need to call him.
Part two: Speaking of old people, Helen Hunt is on your guilt-free three list? Helen Hunt? Helen Hunt? Hank, I'd just like to remind you that cougar hunting is not legal in the United States. But anyway Hank, you're talking about your celebrity do list, as another commenter called it,
reminded me of number: 3. My own celebrity do list, which I keep, of course, in my copy of How to Be a Lady In Your Pants. Now, let's see if we can find it in here. Ah! There it is. OK, Hank, we have Natalie Portman, perfectly acceptable, Jenna Fischer from The Office. Pam. The only thing I like the idea of more than Pam and Jim getting together? Pam and John getting together. And then of course, we have Judy Blume. I mean, she's cute. She's really cute and one time at a conference she kissed me on the cheek and I liked it and I like her and I'm not gonna talk about it anymore. OK, maybe you get a pass on Helen Hunt.
Part 4: Moving! Hank, I'm sorry to hear that your house is on the block. I have good news though, I think that you should buy a house. But not in Missoula. Specifically I think you should buy a house in Indianapolis, Indiana. You wanna know why? Because I'm moving there. Sarah got a job at the Indianapolis Museum of Art, which is really one of the most exciting contemporary art spaces in America. And we're really psyched to go there, umm, but I'm a little worried because I don't have any friends in Indianapolis, and I think I'm gonna miss New York. Although if you think about it, Indianapolis is like the New York of Indiana. And also I'm told that its got really good urban exploring. Plus yesterday I was looking on the internet and houses in Indianapolis are almost free!
Part five: Hank, I liked your EcoGeek podcast animation introduction so much that I've been thinking that we could have a shorter, more visual animation for Brotherhood 2.0 that maybe doesn't spell communication wrong. Maybe you or one of the Nerdfighters can get on it. I'd do it myself except I'm bad at animating and plus I have to figure out how I'm gonna move to Indianapolis with all of these books. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 2
Brotherhood 2.0: March 13, 2007: Denver
All right ready? 1 2 3
Audience: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
Holy crap, that was a lot of people. (points at his shirt, reads Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants) how awesome is that? (Happy dance)
Yesterday I was speaking in front of all those Borders managers. Thanks for participating by the way. But today I don't have anything to do at all, so I thought I'd just walk around Denver. It sure is beautiful here, although unfortunately the city is being attacked by a giant bear (bear statue is attacking building).
First I ran into this guy (worker with Stop sign in front of stop light) his job seems kind of redundant. Then, because it is important to me to appreciate the local cuisine, I went and had lunch at Chilli's too. I'm telling you man, this town is being attacked by giant metal bears.
Then I found myself at ESPN zone and I thought: "Maybe they have nerdfighters". They didn't have nerdfighters. But they sure had boxing. And horse racing. Ah, boy, horse racing is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks. ESPN zone might not be the fastest way to spend $10.00, but it's the fastest way I ever encountered.
Then I happened across a mall. Hank, I haven't been to a mall in 10 years, so I decided to do an anthropological experiment and see how much malls have changed in the decade that I've been away. (shots of what is listed) Fuax marble tile? check. Sunglasses hut? check. Nobody needs a shoe shine? check. Panda express? check. Subway? check. Flag World? check. (holds up a miniature-montana-flag, which falls apart) Sorry, it broke on the way home. By the way, low quality merchandise at high quality merchandise prices? check. Card store, where you don't want to buy any of the cards? check. Now I know what you're wondering Hank. You're wondering: "Well, sure they still have card stores, but do they still sell the same items that they did 10 years ago?". Check! And now you're saying: "OK fine, they still sell Ty stuffed animals, but do they still sell those glass-etchings that are extraordinarily cheesy but sometimes convey true sentiments?" (A glass etching of "I'm so lucky to have such a Wonderful Wife" is zoomed in on) Check. I miss the yeti.
Gourmet gumballs? check. GNC? check. Wait, wait, wait. Go back! Gourmet gumballs? Gourmet gumballs? What kind of flavors you got? Chocolate milkshake, creamsicle, banana-strawberry, nerds gum. Nerd gum? Rock!
Hank, in short: according to my anthropological experiment, the American mall remains largely unchanged from what it was 10 years ago. The primary difference? It's just a little more awesome. Mmmmm, nerdy. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Audience: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
Holy crap, that was a lot of people. (points at his shirt, reads Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants) how awesome is that? (Happy dance)
Yesterday I was speaking in front of all those Borders managers. Thanks for participating by the way. But today I don't have anything to do at all, so I thought I'd just walk around Denver. It sure is beautiful here, although unfortunately the city is being attacked by a giant bear (bear statue is attacking building).
First I ran into this guy (worker with Stop sign in front of stop light) his job seems kind of redundant. Then, because it is important to me to appreciate the local cuisine, I went and had lunch at Chilli's too. I'm telling you man, this town is being attacked by giant metal bears.
Then I found myself at ESPN zone and I thought: "Maybe they have nerdfighters". They didn't have nerdfighters. But they sure had boxing. And horse racing. Ah, boy, horse racing is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks. ESPN zone might not be the fastest way to spend $10.00, but it's the fastest way I ever encountered.
Then I happened across a mall. Hank, I haven't been to a mall in 10 years, so I decided to do an anthropological experiment and see how much malls have changed in the decade that I've been away. (shots of what is listed) Fuax marble tile? check. Sunglasses hut? check. Nobody needs a shoe shine? check. Panda express? check. Subway? check. Flag World? check. (holds up a miniature-montana-flag, which falls apart) Sorry, it broke on the way home. By the way, low quality merchandise at high quality merchandise prices? check. Card store, where you don't want to buy any of the cards? check. Now I know what you're wondering Hank. You're wondering: "Well, sure they still have card stores, but do they still sell the same items that they did 10 years ago?". Check! And now you're saying: "OK fine, they still sell Ty stuffed animals, but do they still sell those glass-etchings that are extraordinarily cheesy but sometimes convey true sentiments?" (A glass etching of "I'm so lucky to have such a Wonderful Wife" is zoomed in on) Check. I miss the yeti.
Gourmet gumballs? check. GNC? check. Wait, wait, wait. Go back! Gourmet gumballs? Gourmet gumballs? What kind of flavors you got? Chocolate milkshake, creamsicle, banana-strawberry, nerds gum. Nerd gum? Rock!
Hank, in short: according to my anthropological experiment, the American mall remains largely unchanged from what it was 10 years ago. The primary difference? It's just a little more awesome. Mmmmm, nerdy. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
March 12th: How to Make a Podcast
Good morning, John. It’s Monday, March 12th. I have something I need to show you. (takes off sweater to reveal a blue T- shirt that reads, “Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants”) That’s awesome. (holds shirt up over his mouth) Frickin’ awesome! Thanks go to Leila of bookshelvesofdoom.blogs.com. You can go there and buy amazing shirts from her to support her book habit. I’m not sure if you can get this shirt. I think it might just be exclusive to members of the actual Brotherhood. We’re not, like, averse to having honorary members of the Brotherhood. There is sort of Hank and John. We get perks. (waves hands) Look how big my hands are!
Today might be a little bit of a dry episode because I have to teach John how to make a podcast because I can’t obviously do it with his video so he has to do it, too. And I can’t send him a text-based tutorial, which would be, frankly, much easier. Uh, so I’m gonna have to do it in video blog form. Yeah, I’m doing a podcast on how to make podcasts. So if you’re not interested in making podcasts, this may not be your favorite episode of Brotherhood 2.0. However, I will be throwing in some juicy bits, and you will definitely want to be around for those. So, without further ado, podcasting.
First step: download Fetch. Fetch is an ftp program for Macintosh. If you don’t have a Macintosh, download SmartFTP. You can download them both in all kinds of places, but I usually use Download.com because it is extraordinarily easy to remember.
(reads screen) Thank you for downloading Fetch 5.1 at Download.com. (infinite loop occurs when filming screen, so when window is moved it creates a cool ripple effect) Oh, my goodness gracious, that’s pretty cool.
So, we’re going to use Fetch to get into our FTP server and then upload something. What something, you ask? Well, of course, our mp4 files which we are uploading every weekday anyways to YouTube. Now, it’s important to note here for people who aren’t my brother that you can’t have a podcast if you don’t have web hosting. Brotherhood2.com is hosted at bluehost.com. I also host stuff at AN Hosting and midPhase, all very good web hosting companies that I would suggest.
(screen) Fetch is finished downloading, and I’m opening it. So we have now installed Fetch, and Fetch wants to know what the host name is. Now, you might think it would be ftp.brotherhood2.com, but it’s not. The host name is greenwords.org, ftp.greenwords.org. The username is G-R-E-E-N-W-O-R. The password is the lake where the cabin was, followed by the first four digits of our old address in Orlando.
Go to the public html folder, and then go into the Brotherhood2 folder. So now that you’ve logged into the Brotherhood2 directory, you’ll find the podcast directory. So, basically, just drag it on over. The great news is, that you can upload all of your videos just by clicking and dragging and then dragging all of them over.
(Hank) And go get lunch or something because it’s going to take several hours because we have a lot of videos already.
Now, John, once you’re done uploading all the files you have to go to podcastblaster.com. Then go to the podcast syndication tool; sign in using my email address and the password that we’ve had since we were, like, babies. I think you know which one I’m talking about. You go in there and then you say create a new podcast. Then you can fill in all the data, including, most importantly, the URL of the place where the file is now. So, if you’ve uploaded it to the podcast directory of Brotherhood2.com, it’ll be http://www.brotherhood2.com/podcasts/march8.mp4, or whatever it is. Then, you push publish, and you have published that podcast to our podcast RSS feed. Then you just have to publish that RSS feed for everybody to find. We will have a podcast, and people who can’t get YouTube at their work will be able to watch our videos. Woo!
(Brings in thing) I promised you juicy bits. This is a giant picture of me as a baby. (holds up a giant picture of a small Hank Green, high pitched) Aaah! (shakes picture) I’m a little baby. I have really curly hair and I’m wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt!
(singing) Hi, I’m Hank! I’m a giant baby!
Today might be a little bit of a dry episode because I have to teach John how to make a podcast because I can’t obviously do it with his video so he has to do it, too. And I can’t send him a text-based tutorial, which would be, frankly, much easier. Uh, so I’m gonna have to do it in video blog form. Yeah, I’m doing a podcast on how to make podcasts. So if you’re not interested in making podcasts, this may not be your favorite episode of Brotherhood 2.0. However, I will be throwing in some juicy bits, and you will definitely want to be around for those. So, without further ado, podcasting.
First step: download Fetch. Fetch is an ftp program for Macintosh. If you don’t have a Macintosh, download SmartFTP. You can download them both in all kinds of places, but I usually use Download.com because it is extraordinarily easy to remember.
(reads screen) Thank you for downloading Fetch 5.1 at Download.com. (infinite loop occurs when filming screen, so when window is moved it creates a cool ripple effect) Oh, my goodness gracious, that’s pretty cool.
So, we’re going to use Fetch to get into our FTP server and then upload something. What something, you ask? Well, of course, our mp4 files which we are uploading every weekday anyways to YouTube. Now, it’s important to note here for people who aren’t my brother that you can’t have a podcast if you don’t have web hosting. Brotherhood2.com is hosted at bluehost.com. I also host stuff at AN Hosting and midPhase, all very good web hosting companies that I would suggest.
(screen) Fetch is finished downloading, and I’m opening it. So we have now installed Fetch, and Fetch wants to know what the host name is. Now, you might think it would be ftp.brotherhood2.com, but it’s not. The host name is greenwords.org, ftp.greenwords.org. The username is G-R-E-E-N-W-O-R. The password is the lake where the cabin was, followed by the first four digits of our old address in Orlando.
Go to the public html folder, and then go into the Brotherhood2 folder. So now that you’ve logged into the Brotherhood2 directory, you’ll find the podcast directory. So, basically, just drag it on over. The great news is, that you can upload all of your videos just by clicking and dragging and then dragging all of them over.
(Hank) And go get lunch or something because it’s going to take several hours because we have a lot of videos already.
Now, John, once you’re done uploading all the files you have to go to podcastblaster.com. Then go to the podcast syndication tool; sign in using my email address and the password that we’ve had since we were, like, babies. I think you know which one I’m talking about. You go in there and then you say create a new podcast. Then you can fill in all the data, including, most importantly, the URL of the place where the file is now. So, if you’ve uploaded it to the podcast directory of Brotherhood2.com, it’ll be http://www.brotherhood2.com/podcasts/march8.mp4, or whatever it is. Then, you push publish, and you have published that podcast to our podcast RSS feed. Then you just have to publish that RSS feed for everybody to find. We will have a podcast, and people who can’t get YouTube at their work will be able to watch our videos. Woo!
(Brings in thing) I promised you juicy bits. This is a giant picture of me as a baby. (holds up a giant picture of a small Hank Green, high pitched) Aaah! (shakes picture) I’m a little baby. I have really curly hair and I’m wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt!
(singing) Hi, I’m Hank! I’m a giant baby!
(Moves picture to show face) We’re gonna miss you, Ze.
Juicy bits number two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve you can find at MySpace.com by clicking on our pictures. Katherine and I did some scanning this weekend. I’ll see you, and hopefully your podcasts in the podcast directory, tomorrow.
Juicy bits number two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve you can find at MySpace.com by clicking on our pictures. Katherine and I did some scanning this weekend. I’ll see you, and hopefully your podcasts in the podcast directory, tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: Everyone Poops in My Pants, a Picture Book
Good morning, John. It’s Wednesday, February 28th, and it’s story day.
Our story today is called, (The rest of the story is narrated by John, while Hank illustrates)
“Everyone poops in my pants,” by Hank Green. Image: The title and author, a guy with glasses frowning, and some pants with stink lines rising from the butt area.
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Image: Hank’s drawing of himself, complete with glasses and messy hair. He’s wearing a shirt that reads, “MTX.” and is waving.
Each morning, I wake up and dozens of people surround my house, chanting, “What do we want to poop in?” “Hank’s pants!” “When do we want to poop in them?” “Now!” “Hey, hey, ho, ho, into Hank’s pants we gotta go! Hey, hey, ho, ho, into Hank’s pants we gotta go…poop.” Image: Hank’s face at the top, talking. Hank is also lying in bed inside his house, a crowd appears outside. The crowds say the chants.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking, “Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants. Image: Hank’s face, with index finger raised in a sign of pause, and some smelly pants.
And that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven’t pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana. And many babies haven’t pooped in my pants because they’re too busy pooping in their own. Image: Hank’s face, some people looking sad as an airplane flies over their head, and the midsection of a baby, complete with smelly diaper.
I’m just saying that, statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, my dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Image: Hank’s face, looking a little sorry for us. Drawings of his mom and dad and John
Kirsten Dunst was wearing, and pooping in, my pants during the entire filming of Spiderman 2. Image: Hank’s face, explaining this all to us. Kirstin Dunst’s picture, saying, “I’m pooping in Hank’s pants right now!” “And it’s goooood.”
Our story today is called, (The rest of the story is narrated by John, while Hank illustrates)
“Everyone poops in my pants,” by Hank Green. Image: The title and author, a guy with glasses frowning, and some pants with stink lines rising from the butt area.
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Image: Hank’s drawing of himself, complete with glasses and messy hair. He’s wearing a shirt that reads, “MTX.” and is waving.
Each morning, I wake up and dozens of people surround my house, chanting, “What do we want to poop in?” “Hank’s pants!” “When do we want to poop in them?” “Now!” “Hey, hey, ho, ho, into Hank’s pants we gotta go! Hey, hey, ho, ho, into Hank’s pants we gotta go…poop.” Image: Hank’s face at the top, talking. Hank is also lying in bed inside his house, a crowd appears outside. The crowds say the chants.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking, “Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants. Image: Hank’s face, with index finger raised in a sign of pause, and some smelly pants.
And that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven’t pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana. And many babies haven’t pooped in my pants because they’re too busy pooping in their own. Image: Hank’s face, some people looking sad as an airplane flies over their head, and the midsection of a baby, complete with smelly diaper.
I’m just saying that, statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, my dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Image: Hank’s face, looking a little sorry for us. Drawings of his mom and dad and John
Kirsten Dunst was wearing, and pooping in, my pants during the entire filming of Spiderman 2. Image: Hank’s face, explaining this all to us. Kirstin Dunst’s picture, saying, “I’m pooping in Hank’s pants right now!” “And it’s goooood.”
The entire Liverpool Football Club pooped in my umbros immediately after winning the 2005 UEAFA cup. Image: A picture of the Liverpool Football club shouting, “Who gots to poop in Hank’s pants? WE DO!” and some stinky umbros.
German novelist Gunter Gras pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel prize. image: Hank’s face looking slightly unnerved. Gras with a pipe, a mustache, and a medal that reads, “No Bell!” He’s saying, “Ja pumpte ich in seinen Hoten aus.”
German novelist Gunter Gras pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel prize. image: Hank’s face looking slightly unnerved. Gras with a pipe, a mustache, and a medal that reads, “No Bell!” He’s saying, “Ja pumpte ich in seinen Hoten aus.”
Stephen Daedalus is just one of the many fictional characters that have nonfictionally pooped in my nonfictional pants. Image: A picture of the Penguin Classics publication of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce.
Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him…and then pooped in them. Image: Hank’s face looking downright disgusted. Al Roker, holding his very large pants up to demonstrate his weight loss, saying, “I had to make room for all my poop.”
Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him…and then pooped in them. Image: Hank’s face looking downright disgusted. Al Roker, holding his very large pants up to demonstrate his weight loss, saying, “I had to make room for all my poop.”
Vladimir Ilyich Lenin died in 1924, but has nonetheless pooped in my pants. Image: A picture of Lenin shouting to crowds, “I traveled through time to poop in these pants!”
George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants, although he did poop near my pants, and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone’s pants! Having seen his poop I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. Image: Hank’s face looking mad, some pants, and a pile of poop next to them.
George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants, although he did poop near my pants, and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone’s pants! Having seen his poop I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. Image: Hank’s face looking mad, some pants, and a pile of poop next to them.
Wow, those guys must be selling the president’s war plan! Image: YouTube page of John’s February 7th video: a picture of a sign that reads, “Guess what we got in a bag…cow shit.”
People often ask me, “Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?” Yes, it does! Sometimes something great will happen. Like, the other day, Barack Obama came by, and he pooped in my pants. And his poop kinda made me believe in America again. Image: Hank looking sad, and Barack Obama looking nobly towards a pair of stinky pants.
But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bare. Image: Hank’s face looking kind of miserable.
People often ask me, “Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?” Yes, it does! Sometimes something great will happen. Like, the other day, Barack Obama came by, and he pooped in my pants. And his poop kinda made me believe in America again. Image: Hank looking sad, and Barack Obama looking nobly towards a pair of stinky pants.
But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bare. Image: Hank’s face looking kind of miserable.
Some people have chronic back pain. Image: A man grasping his back in pain.
Some people are on Team Karen. Image: A picture of Karen from “The Office” (USA)
Some people are Republicans. Image: A map of the red and blue states, turned on its side so that the East coast is at the top and the West coast is at the bottom.
Me, I just happen to have pants into which people really like to poop. It could certainly be worse.\
It’s like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in your pants. Image: Hank’s face looking relieved. A nude Eric Idle pooping into pants.
It’s like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in your pants. Image: Hank’s face looking relieved. A nude Eric Idle pooping into pants.
Song clip from Eric Idle’s “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” originally sung in The Life of Brian. There are music notes drawn around the words.
On screen, with no narration, appear the words: “Well, that was an odd way to spend a Sunday afternoon…Anyway…I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hank’s face and stinky pants also appear.
On screen, with no narration, appear the words: “Well, that was an odd way to spend a Sunday afternoon…Anyway…I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hank’s face and stinky pants also appear.
Brotherhood 2.0: February 23, 2007: Books
Good morning, Hank. It’s Friday, Februrary 23rd. These are my books. There are many like them, but these are mine. (bookshelf) First we have this bookshelf, which I’ve had since college. (bookshelf) Then we have this bookshelf which we acquired this summer. This bookshelf is actually being held up by books. (bookshelf) We’ve had these bookshelves for a few years. (four bookshelves) Then we have these bookshelves, which I got as a present from my mother-in-law a couple years ago. (black bookshelves) And then, of course, we have this bookshelf, which is where I film most days.
(stack of books) And we have this, which is like your magical floating bookshelf, only slightly different. If you take one away, it continues to float. (book has been taken away, books above float)
So, Hank, that’s where I keep my books around the house. We don’t have lots of stacks of books in random places because, whenever we need a bookshelf, we just buy a new one. Bookshelves are, like, $20. I mean, you can buy a bookshelf for less than it costs to take your wife to see the Eddie Murphey movie, Norbit. I mean, a bookshelf is cheaper than Norbit. So, buy more bookshelves. Put ‘em down there by the map of Narnia.
It is very hard for me, however, to get rid of books and to moderate the number of books that I have. I mean, some of these books, let’s face it, I’m never going to read again. Consider, for example, The Day Nobody Shared…in your pants. Another example is Devin Deweese’s 638-page non-fiction book, Islamization and Native Religion in the Golden Horde. In my career as a YA novelist, it is rare that I am asked by someone, how is it that the Uzbek people came to be Muslims?
(John sits with Maureen Johnson) Hank, to answer your questions about e-books and libraries and used bookstores, I decided to bring in another author, Maureen Johnson, the author of four, almost five books.
John: What do you think about used bookstores?
Maureen: I like ‘em.
John: Me too. You don’t have a problem with the fact that they’re taking your money?
Maureen: Oh, no no no, not at all.
John: What about libraries?
Maureen: Oh, I love libraries.
John: I love libraries.
Maureen: You can't, You can’t not be pro-library…Is this actually a debate?
John: Well, it’s more of an agreement, it seems like. But a lot of people would think that authors might get angry about the fact that you don’t get money from every time someone checks your book out at the library.
Maureen: No, the trouble with my readers is that they don’t get money because I put a $20 bill in the copy of all my books (John laughs), and so the first person who reads it gets the twenty. How are people supposed to afford to buy everything they want to read?
John (alone): So, Hank, the agreement seems to be that writers, at least the extremely scientific sample of me and Maureen Johnson, are pretty much in favor of used bookstores and in favor of libraries. I think most of us would rather have an audience than countless riches. If we wanted to be rich we’d be doing something else, like blogging about environmental technology. Maureen Johnson just had a fantastic invention idea: the e-book for the Wii. I want to go to page 39 now. (John uses his Wii remote to simulate flipping through pages of a book) Ya! Ya! Ya!
And now, in parting, I am going to read a book with my Wii. (John stands above open book) By the power of the Wii, I compel this page to turn! (Tries to use Wii remote to cause wind to blow page) Turn! (leans down and blows) Yes!
(Said from behind The Day Nobody Shared) Hank, I’ll see you on Monday.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo, John reappears with The Day Nobody Shared open to the last page) They throw a sharing party!
(stack of books) And we have this, which is like your magical floating bookshelf, only slightly different. If you take one away, it continues to float. (book has been taken away, books above float)
So, Hank, that’s where I keep my books around the house. We don’t have lots of stacks of books in random places because, whenever we need a bookshelf, we just buy a new one. Bookshelves are, like, $20. I mean, you can buy a bookshelf for less than it costs to take your wife to see the Eddie Murphey movie, Norbit. I mean, a bookshelf is cheaper than Norbit. So, buy more bookshelves. Put ‘em down there by the map of Narnia.
It is very hard for me, however, to get rid of books and to moderate the number of books that I have. I mean, some of these books, let’s face it, I’m never going to read again. Consider, for example, The Day Nobody Shared…in your pants. Another example is Devin Deweese’s 638-page non-fiction book, Islamization and Native Religion in the Golden Horde. In my career as a YA novelist, it is rare that I am asked by someone, how is it that the Uzbek people came to be Muslims?
(John sits with Maureen Johnson) Hank, to answer your questions about e-books and libraries and used bookstores, I decided to bring in another author, Maureen Johnson, the author of four, almost five books.
John: What do you think about used bookstores?
Maureen: I like ‘em.
John: Me too. You don’t have a problem with the fact that they’re taking your money?
Maureen: Oh, no no no, not at all.
John: What about libraries?
Maureen: Oh, I love libraries.
John: I love libraries.
Maureen: You can't, You can’t not be pro-library…Is this actually a debate?
John: Well, it’s more of an agreement, it seems like. But a lot of people would think that authors might get angry about the fact that you don’t get money from every time someone checks your book out at the library.
Maureen: No, the trouble with my readers is that they don’t get money because I put a $20 bill in the copy of all my books (John laughs), and so the first person who reads it gets the twenty. How are people supposed to afford to buy everything they want to read?
John (alone): So, Hank, the agreement seems to be that writers, at least the extremely scientific sample of me and Maureen Johnson, are pretty much in favor of used bookstores and in favor of libraries. I think most of us would rather have an audience than countless riches. If we wanted to be rich we’d be doing something else, like blogging about environmental technology. Maureen Johnson just had a fantastic invention idea: the e-book for the Wii. I want to go to page 39 now. (John uses his Wii remote to simulate flipping through pages of a book) Ya! Ya! Ya!
And now, in parting, I am going to read a book with my Wii. (John stands above open book) By the power of the Wii, I compel this page to turn! (Tries to use Wii remote to cause wind to blow page) Turn! (leans down and blows) Yes!
(Said from behind The Day Nobody Shared) Hank, I’ll see you on Monday.
(after the Brotherhood 2.0 logo, John reappears with The Day Nobody Shared open to the last page) They throw a sharing party!
Brotherhood 2.0: February 9, 2007
Good morning Hank, it's Friday, February 9th, and it's laundry day. (shows washer/dryer) You will note that we have the world's smallest washing machine. It was the only washing machine slash dryer that was ever designed exclusively for Lilliputians. Let's see how many clothes it will fit! One shirt, one pair of boxers, one pair of pants, two pairs of, wait, what's this? (pulls out a book) Oh, it's The Naked and the Dead in My Pants! Two socks, one pair of boxers, and, it's completely full, in fact it's kind of overstuffed. I might have to take out one of the socks.
Hank, I talked to Brotherhood 2.0 resident mathematician Daniel Biss and it turns out that there's a huge gaping flaw in your mathematical theorem about old people and dying and banjo concerts. The problem is this: A 70 year old may live, on average, to be 83 years old, but that doesn't mean that a 71 year old is just as likely to die as an 82 year old; in fact the vast majority of people are going to die closer to 82 than they are to 71. If you want to see a person die at a banjo concert, the key is not to go to banjo concerts that feature older people, the key is to go to longer banjo concerts; like thirteen year long banjo concerts.
Hank, several Brotherhood 2.0 commenters have been asking three questions about my new book: "What's it called," "When is it going to come out," and "What's it about?" I am now happy to answer all of those questions, although I'm going to answer one of them with a long series of lies. The book is called Paper Towns, it will be published in September of 2008, it's about life in an orphanage in Imperial Japan in the 17th century. It's about the world origami championship of 2004. It's the story of a special boy and his special dog. I don't wanna ruin it for you, but the dog dies. It's about an ambiguously gendered child growing up in a Greek American family. It's about Hamlet. It's a historical novel in which I imagine the teenage years of Emily Dickinson. It's about a face that is half in the dark and half in the light. It's about coming to terms with the fact that even though sometimes even though you eat the points you're supposed to eat you still don't get less fat. It's about when the last ding dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will be one more sound, that of man's puny exhaustible voice, still talking. It's about a girl name Becca who has a very happy birthday!
Hank, I'll be watching you on Monday from lovely Washington, DC. See you then!
Hank, I talked to Brotherhood 2.0 resident mathematician Daniel Biss and it turns out that there's a huge gaping flaw in your mathematical theorem about old people and dying and banjo concerts. The problem is this: A 70 year old may live, on average, to be 83 years old, but that doesn't mean that a 71 year old is just as likely to die as an 82 year old; in fact the vast majority of people are going to die closer to 82 than they are to 71. If you want to see a person die at a banjo concert, the key is not to go to banjo concerts that feature older people, the key is to go to longer banjo concerts; like thirteen year long banjo concerts.
Hank, several Brotherhood 2.0 commenters have been asking three questions about my new book: "What's it called," "When is it going to come out," and "What's it about?" I am now happy to answer all of those questions, although I'm going to answer one of them with a long series of lies. The book is called Paper Towns, it will be published in September of 2008, it's about life in an orphanage in Imperial Japan in the 17th century. It's about the world origami championship of 2004. It's the story of a special boy and his special dog. I don't wanna ruin it for you, but the dog dies. It's about an ambiguously gendered child growing up in a Greek American family. It's about Hamlet. It's a historical novel in which I imagine the teenage years of Emily Dickinson. It's about a face that is half in the dark and half in the light. It's about coming to terms with the fact that even though sometimes even though you eat the points you're supposed to eat you still don't get less fat. It's about when the last ding dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will be one more sound, that of man's puny exhaustible voice, still talking. It's about a girl name Becca who has a very happy birthday!
Hank, I'll be watching you on Monday from lovely Washington, DC. See you then!
Brotherhood 2.0: February 7, 2007
Good morning, Hank, it's Wednesday, February 7th, and it's story day! Our story today is called: Everyone Poops in My Pants, by Hank Green.
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Each morning, I wake up, and dozens of people surround my house chanting:
My name is Hank, and I have a small problem. Everyone poops in my pants. Each morning, I wake up, and dozens of people surround my house chanting:
"What do we want to poop in?!"
"Hank's pants!"
"When do we want to poop in them?!"
"Now!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Poop."
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants, and that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven't pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana; and many babies haven't pooped in my pants because they're too busy pooping in their own. I'm just saying that statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, and dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Kristen Dunst was wearing and pooping in my pants during the entire filing of Spiderman 2. The entire Liverpool Football club pooped in my Umbros immedently after winning the 2005 UEFA Cup. German novelist Günter Grass pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel Prize. Stephen Dedalus is just one of the many fictional characters who have who have nonfictionaly pooped in my nonfictional pants. Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him, and then pooped in them. Vladimir Ilyich Linden died in 1924 but has nonetheless pooped in my pants. George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants; although he did poop near my pants and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone's pants. Having seen his poop, I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. (shows a sign saying, "Guess what we got in a bag: Cow Shit) Wow, those guys must be selling the president's war plan.
People often ask me, "Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?" Yes it does! Sometimes something great will happen, like the other day Barak Obama came by and he pooped in my pants, and his poop kind of makes me believe in America again. But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bear. Some people have chronic back pain. Some people are on Team Karen. Some people are Republicans. Me? I just happen to have pants into which people really like to poop. It could certainly be worse. It's like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in my pants. (Brotherhood 2.0 logo shows up, with "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Eric Idle playing in the background)
(back on John, talking rather fast) Hank, per the request of several commenters, I hereby challenge you to answer every single question in your survey, in one video blog of three minutes and thirty seconds or less. Yes you will have to talk at this speed! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
"Hank's pants!"
"When do we want to poop in them?!"
"Now!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Hay hay, ho ho, into Hank's pants we gotta go!"
"Poop."
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hank, I believe that many people have pooped in your pants, but I remain unconvinced that everyone has pooped in your pants, and that is true enough. For instance, many poor people haven't pooped in my pants because they lack the resources to fly to Montana; and many babies haven't pooped in my pants because they're too busy pooping in their own. I'm just saying that statistically an improbably large number of people have pooped in my pants. My mom, and dad, and my brother John have all pooped in my pants. Kristen Dunst was wearing and pooping in my pants during the entire filing of Spiderman 2. The entire Liverpool Football club pooped in my Umbros immedently after winning the 2005 UEFA Cup. German novelist Günter Grass pooped in my pants while wearing his Nobel Prize. Stephen Dedalus is just one of the many fictional characters who have who have nonfictionaly pooped in my nonfictional pants. Al Roker had my pants tailored to fit him, and then pooped in them. Vladimir Ilyich Linden died in 1924 but has nonetheless pooped in my pants. George W. Bush is so incompetent that he failed to poop in my pants; although he did poop near my pants and then later claimed that he had never intended to poop in my pants and that no one in his administration had ever talked about pooping in anyone's pants. Having seen his poop, I can report that it looks exactly like bullshit. (shows a sign saying, "Guess what we got in a bag: Cow Shit) Wow, those guys must be selling the president's war plan.
People often ask me, "Hank, does it bother you that everyone poops in your pants?" Yes it does! Sometimes something great will happen, like the other day Barak Obama came by and he pooped in my pants, and his poop kind of makes me believe in America again. But mostly, I dislike having people poop in my pants. But everyone has a cross to bear. Some people have chronic back pain. Some people are on Team Karen. Some people are Republicans. Me? I just happen to have pants into which people really like to poop. It could certainly be worse. It's like Monty Python member Eric Idle once told me while he was pooping in my pants. (Brotherhood 2.0 logo shows up, with "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Eric Idle playing in the background)
(back on John, talking rather fast) Hank, per the request of several commenters, I hereby challenge you to answer every single question in your survey, in one video blog of three minutes and thirty seconds or less. Yes you will have to talk at this speed! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: January 31st
(Shots of Hank sitting atop various bulldog statues, each a different size and color) Hi John! Hi John! Hi John! Hi John! Hi John! This is making my balls cold! Hi John! Howdy Johnny-boy! Hi… John… I guess? Good morning, John! It’s Wednesday, January 31st.
(Hank in living room) The University of Georgia’s mascot is a bulldog, so they covered the town of Athens with bulldogs, and I covered their bulldogs with myself. That’s a pretty normal thing to do on a Tuesday evening, isn’t it? In keeping with the tradition of movie magic-ing, that was actually not filmed today, nor was it filmed yesterday. It was filmed on the day of my last video, but I had already filmed the intro for that day in Ashville, so I had to use that day’s footage for today’s intro. So I’m not actually in Athens anymore, I’m in Orlando, Florida. Welcome to Orlando, where everything sucks. Okay, not everything sucks or else I wouldn’t be here, right? So the people, some of them, are very cool.
John Green, as you are playing the Nintendo Wii, I can only assume that you have finished your first draft of your book. Because there is no way you’re gonna finish your first draft of your book after you get a Wii. Very exciting news that you finished your first draft of the as-yet-unnamed third book of John Green, and also very good news that you have a Wii, which leads me to the punishment. Someone suggested that you send me your Wii as punishment, ohohoh, yeah! But, I am not that much of a jerk. So, getting down to business, I have to come up with a punishment, and I got a lot of them to choose from. Some people are calling you a standup citizen for agreeing to do the punishment before I told you to do the punishment. But you called me on the phone and tried to convince me that it wasn’t a punishable offense that you sent me that e-mail. I just wanted to set the record straight on that one. Now the e-mail wasn’t really a personal communication, so I can see why maybe a little bit there’s some leeway there, so I’m not gonna give you the worst punishments possible. In fact, I think I’m gonna give you a choice. And I honestly don’t know which one you will choose, but you have to do one of the two following things: Grow your facial hair for a week, and then wax your chin, or fill a large bowl with Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, and then watch it melt. Additionally, I agree with the majority of our commenters that in my pants is funnier than in your pants when it comes to Everyone Poops. Everyone Poops in My Pants is a sad story, whereas Everyone Poops in Your Pants is funny story. And I think our viewers will agree with me when I say that funny stories about poop aren’t as funny as sad stories about poop. And I am waiting in great anticipation for the picture book Everyone Poops in My Pants.
John Green, I will see you tomorrow.
(Cut to Brotherhood 2.0 sign) (Cut back to Hank)
Another Brotherhood 2.0 special feature is upon us, and this one is slightly disturbing. You might want to cover up the kiddies’ eyes, I’m not doing what it looks like I’m doing to this bulldog.
(Cut to Hank riding a small bulldog) Katherine: Ride it! (Music plays has Hank bounces on statue)
Katherine (to bulldog): How do you feel about what’s just happened to you? That wasn’t very comfortable, was it?
(Hank in living room) The University of Georgia’s mascot is a bulldog, so they covered the town of Athens with bulldogs, and I covered their bulldogs with myself. That’s a pretty normal thing to do on a Tuesday evening, isn’t it? In keeping with the tradition of movie magic-ing, that was actually not filmed today, nor was it filmed yesterday. It was filmed on the day of my last video, but I had already filmed the intro for that day in Ashville, so I had to use that day’s footage for today’s intro. So I’m not actually in Athens anymore, I’m in Orlando, Florida. Welcome to Orlando, where everything sucks. Okay, not everything sucks or else I wouldn’t be here, right? So the people, some of them, are very cool.
John Green, as you are playing the Nintendo Wii, I can only assume that you have finished your first draft of your book. Because there is no way you’re gonna finish your first draft of your book after you get a Wii. Very exciting news that you finished your first draft of the as-yet-unnamed third book of John Green, and also very good news that you have a Wii, which leads me to the punishment. Someone suggested that you send me your Wii as punishment, ohohoh, yeah! But, I am not that much of a jerk. So, getting down to business, I have to come up with a punishment, and I got a lot of them to choose from. Some people are calling you a standup citizen for agreeing to do the punishment before I told you to do the punishment. But you called me on the phone and tried to convince me that it wasn’t a punishable offense that you sent me that e-mail. I just wanted to set the record straight on that one. Now the e-mail wasn’t really a personal communication, so I can see why maybe a little bit there’s some leeway there, so I’m not gonna give you the worst punishments possible. In fact, I think I’m gonna give you a choice. And I honestly don’t know which one you will choose, but you have to do one of the two following things: Grow your facial hair for a week, and then wax your chin, or fill a large bowl with Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, and then watch it melt. Additionally, I agree with the majority of our commenters that in my pants is funnier than in your pants when it comes to Everyone Poops. Everyone Poops in My Pants is a sad story, whereas Everyone Poops in Your Pants is funny story. And I think our viewers will agree with me when I say that funny stories about poop aren’t as funny as sad stories about poop. And I am waiting in great anticipation for the picture book Everyone Poops in My Pants.
John Green, I will see you tomorrow.
(Cut to Brotherhood 2.0 sign) (Cut back to Hank)
Another Brotherhood 2.0 special feature is upon us, and this one is slightly disturbing. You might want to cover up the kiddies’ eyes, I’m not doing what it looks like I’m doing to this bulldog.
(Cut to Hank riding a small bulldog) Katherine: Ride it! (Music plays has Hank bounces on statue)
Katherine (to bulldog): How do you feel about what’s just happened to you? That wasn’t very comfortable, was it?
Brotherhood 2.0: January 30, 2007
You know I think we all know something special happened yesterday on Brotherhood 2.0. But I don’t, I don’t think we have to talk about it; I don’t think we have to go into details about how it felt, or how wonderful it was. Uh, it’s like the last night of camp, you know? You experience it, and you just know, because it’s in here. (points to heart)
(Cut to John standing in his living room with a Wii-mote in hand) Good morning, Hank. (Wii-mote beeps) Wow it makes noise! It’s Tuesday, January 30th, hold on one second, I just, I just hafta, I just have to play my new Wiiiiiiiii. (does happy dance) It occurs to me now that playing the Wii is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks.
Something from the comments: Commenter “anonymous”, wait, isn’t that Ze Frank’s thing? Doesn’t he say “S-something from the comments”? We gotta think of something else; we gotta have like a Voices from the Comments! “Anonymous” says: Hank, you keep raising the bar. I feel kinda bad for John and his unenviable position of following your postings. YOU feel kinda bad for John?! Jesus, anonymous, try being John! Ugh, what am I gonna do today? I got some in your pants jokes, anyone wanna hear some in your pants jokes?
But Hank, I’d like to discuss a serious issue, which is the issue of Everyone Poops. Hank, the question I have for you and our viewership is this: Which is funnier, Everyone Poops in My Pants, or Everyone Poops in Your Pants? Brotherhood 2.0 project: Once we decide whether Everyone Poops in Your Pants, or Everyone Poops in My Pants, I’m going to write an entire picture book called one of those two titles, which I will then read on the air. Maybe, if we get lucky, the Yeti will do some drawings.
In other news, I seem to have accidentally cc-ed you on an e-mail. STUPID STUPID! This means that I have to do a punishment. Hank, be kind to me. Remember, we’re brothers. I’ll see you tomorrow.
(Cut to John standing in his living room with a Wii-mote in hand) Good morning, Hank. (Wii-mote beeps) Wow it makes noise! It’s Tuesday, January 30th, hold on one second, I just, I just hafta, I just have to play my new Wiiiiiiiii. (does happy dance) It occurs to me now that playing the Wii is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks.
Something from the comments: Commenter “anonymous”, wait, isn’t that Ze Frank’s thing? Doesn’t he say “S-something from the comments”? We gotta think of something else; we gotta have like a Voices from the Comments! “Anonymous” says: Hank, you keep raising the bar. I feel kinda bad for John and his unenviable position of following your postings. YOU feel kinda bad for John?! Jesus, anonymous, try being John! Ugh, what am I gonna do today? I got some in your pants jokes, anyone wanna hear some in your pants jokes?
But Hank, I’d like to discuss a serious issue, which is the issue of Everyone Poops. Hank, the question I have for you and our viewership is this: Which is funnier, Everyone Poops in My Pants, or Everyone Poops in Your Pants? Brotherhood 2.0 project: Once we decide whether Everyone Poops in Your Pants, or Everyone Poops in My Pants, I’m going to write an entire picture book called one of those two titles, which I will then read on the air. Maybe, if we get lucky, the Yeti will do some drawings.
In other news, I seem to have accidentally cc-ed you on an e-mail. STUPID STUPID! This means that I have to do a punishment. Hank, be kind to me. Remember, we’re brothers. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: January 29th
Good morning, John. It's Monday, January 29th and I'm standing on top of Little Pisgah Mountain, just like you were. (Cut to a shot of a plane flying with jet smoke trails behind it) Dad insisted that I use this plane clip in the video, and I don't know why.
(Cut to Hank) I actually filmed that video three days ago, but you have no way of knowing that. How's that for movie magic? So it's three days later now, and we've done the jaunt to Athens, and I'm at a friend's house. We've been having a good time in Athens. It's a pretty nice city; I suggest you try it on sometime. Today's video is a short video, because last night, my friends and I spent quite a long time creating a project that I would like to share with you, as it is inspired by you! As an added bonus, you will get to see my wife, Katherine. Apparently, she’s not quite the yeti that your wife is, and will occasionally come out in public. Also, you may notice featured in this video, Bryan Nuse and Jesslyn Shields, two of my best friends, who live here in Athens, and assisted me with this project a very great deal.
(Cut to Hank in his friend’s living room) (Singing)
Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?
(Jesslyn and Bryan enter the shot from the sides) Will you miss me when I'm gone from your pants?
(Cut to Hank) I actually filmed that video three days ago, but you have no way of knowing that. How's that for movie magic? So it's three days later now, and we've done the jaunt to Athens, and I'm at a friend's house. We've been having a good time in Athens. It's a pretty nice city; I suggest you try it on sometime. Today's video is a short video, because last night, my friends and I spent quite a long time creating a project that I would like to share with you, as it is inspired by you! As an added bonus, you will get to see my wife, Katherine. Apparently, she’s not quite the yeti that your wife is, and will occasionally come out in public. Also, you may notice featured in this video, Bryan Nuse and Jesslyn Shields, two of my best friends, who live here in Athens, and assisted me with this project a very great deal.
(Cut to Hank in his friend’s living room) (Singing)
Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?
(Jesslyn and Bryan enter the shot from the sides) Will you miss me when I'm gone from your pants?
(Katherine enters the shot from the bottom) Will you miss me when I’m gone, gone, gone?
Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?
(accompaniment begins guitar and tambourine)
Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?
Will you miss me when I’m gone? From your pants!
Will you miss me when I’m gone, gone, gone?
Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?
(laughter)
That’s all! There you have it. I’ll see you tomorrow.
You know how some DVDs have bonus features? Well Brotherhood 2.0 has bonus features too, and you’re about to see one. You might expect that “Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?” took more than one take to film. It did. Here’s the first take.
(Cut back to living room)
Will you miss me when I’m gone (from your pants)?
Will… (Group bursts into laughter)
Katherine: That wasn’t even me!
Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?
(accompaniment begins guitar and tambourine)
Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?
Will you miss me when I’m gone? From your pants!
Will you miss me when I’m gone, gone, gone?
Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?
(laughter)
That’s all! There you have it. I’ll see you tomorrow.
You know how some DVDs have bonus features? Well Brotherhood 2.0 has bonus features too, and you’re about to see one. You might expect that “Will you miss me when I’m gone from your pants?” took more than one take to film. It did. Here’s the first take.
(Cut back to living room)
Will you miss me when I’m gone (from your pants)?
Will… (Group bursts into laughter)
Katherine: That wasn’t even me!
Brotherhood 2.0: January 24, 2007
Good morning Hank, it's Thursday January 24th.
Today's blog entry comes in two parts. Part one: the first part of the survey, part two: In your pants.
Yeti sock puppet: How long have you known Hank and Katherine?
John: Thanks for asking that question, puppet. I've known Hank since he was born, and I've known Katherine since, I believe, 1999.
Puppet: What do you want from us?
John: You know, puppet, I think that's what the Buddhists would call a question wrongly phrased. The question is not, what do I want from my brother, the question is what does my brother want from me. And the answer to that question is, I believe, a Nintendo Wii. That, that's also what I want from my brother.
Puppet: What are you doing?
John: I'm writing books for teenagers and doing this weird video project with my brother.
Puppet: Why are you doing it?
John: Well I write books because it makes me feel less, like, worthless.
Puppet: What's next?
John: Well, the major next at the moment is finishing my new and as yet untitled third book.
Puppet: How you doin?
John: I'm doin really well, sock puppet, and thank you for asking.
Puppet: What's the best book you read this year?
John: Uh, the best book I read last year is probably The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak. (holds up Printz stickers and The Book Thief) Where should it go? Where? Oh, right beneath his name, I think. Congratulations, Marcus. Definitely deserved.
So, I went around my home library and found some books that I think benefit from the In Your Pants rule, and I'd like to share them with you. Marcus Zusak's second novel, Getting the Girl in Your Pants. The unfathomably bad The Mystery of the Golden Spheres in Your Pants. Rabbit at Rest in Your Pants. (shot of crotch) Man I sure am glad you stopped hopping. The Cheese Monkeys in Your Pants. Then we have two, excellent novels about love and promiscuity: Everyman in Your Pants, and Albert Camus's classic The Stranger in Your Pants. The Little Drummer Girl in Your Pants. (shot of crotch and squirming) Ow, stop drumming Jesus! And of course you have, The Sun Also Rises in Your Pants, which is... which is actually what The Sun Also Rises is about. The Thin Man in Your Pants. (Holds up The Second Coming) I'm just not gonna say a word. The Echo Maker in Your Pants. (holds pants up to face) HELLO Hello hello hello hello hello. (stares at camera) OK, I never thought I would do that in a video blog. Everything That Rises Must Converge in Your Pants.
I should add an addendum to the in Your Pants rule, which is that sometimes in your pants isn't the funniest way that you can add to a book title. For instance: Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone in Your Pants is a little funny, not as funny as Will You Miss Me When I've Gone in Your Pants, but the funniest one, I think, is Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone From Your Pants. I believe that is an old Carter family tune:
(sings) Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone From Your Pants
Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone From Your Pants
Will You Miss Me When I'm Go-o-one
Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone From Your Pants?
Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Today's blog entry comes in two parts. Part one: the first part of the survey, part two: In your pants.
Yeti sock puppet: How long have you known Hank and Katherine?
John: Thanks for asking that question, puppet. I've known Hank since he was born, and I've known Katherine since, I believe, 1999.
Puppet: What do you want from us?
John: You know, puppet, I think that's what the Buddhists would call a question wrongly phrased. The question is not, what do I want from my brother, the question is what does my brother want from me. And the answer to that question is, I believe, a Nintendo Wii. That, that's also what I want from my brother.
Puppet: What are you doing?
John: I'm writing books for teenagers and doing this weird video project with my brother.
Puppet: Why are you doing it?
John: Well I write books because it makes me feel less, like, worthless.
Puppet: What's next?
John: Well, the major next at the moment is finishing my new and as yet untitled third book.
Puppet: How you doin?
John: I'm doin really well, sock puppet, and thank you for asking.
Puppet: What's the best book you read this year?
John: Uh, the best book I read last year is probably The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak. (holds up Printz stickers and The Book Thief) Where should it go? Where? Oh, right beneath his name, I think. Congratulations, Marcus. Definitely deserved.
So, I went around my home library and found some books that I think benefit from the In Your Pants rule, and I'd like to share them with you. Marcus Zusak's second novel, Getting the Girl in Your Pants. The unfathomably bad The Mystery of the Golden Spheres in Your Pants. Rabbit at Rest in Your Pants. (shot of crotch) Man I sure am glad you stopped hopping. The Cheese Monkeys in Your Pants. Then we have two, excellent novels about love and promiscuity: Everyman in Your Pants, and Albert Camus's classic The Stranger in Your Pants. The Little Drummer Girl in Your Pants. (shot of crotch and squirming) Ow, stop drumming Jesus! And of course you have, The Sun Also Rises in Your Pants, which is... which is actually what The Sun Also Rises is about. The Thin Man in Your Pants. (Holds up The Second Coming) I'm just not gonna say a word. The Echo Maker in Your Pants. (holds pants up to face) HELLO Hello hello hello hello hello. (stares at camera) OK, I never thought I would do that in a video blog. Everything That Rises Must Converge in Your Pants.
I should add an addendum to the in Your Pants rule, which is that sometimes in your pants isn't the funniest way that you can add to a book title. For instance: Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone in Your Pants is a little funny, not as funny as Will You Miss Me When I've Gone in Your Pants, but the funniest one, I think, is Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone From Your Pants. I believe that is an old Carter family tune:
(sings) Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone From Your Pants
Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone From Your Pants
Will You Miss Me When I'm Go-o-one
Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone From Your Pants?
Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: January 23rd
(Hank is sitting on a black couch in front of a fireplace with a wine glass full of liquid and a coat on.)
Good morning John. It's Tuesday, January 23rd. (Blows on drink in glass) If you're wondering why I'm blowing on my wine, it's because its tea. But I needed something that I could toast with. Congratulations on your Printz nomination. I wasn't excited enough, I need to be more excited about that. (Does Happy Dance) (Toasts) To the Printz Award! To An Abundance of Katherines! To Katherines! There's one sitting right here. She's waving. To silver metals! To not quite doing as good as you did the last time!
Sorry, that was kinda mean.
So I was in a bookstore today and the lady came up to me and said, you're John Green's brother. Oh-Ho!
So it turns out that I'm famous now. Well, she might very well be your biggest fan. She has a section of her bookstore devoted entirely to you. In fact, there are several sections in her book store devoted entirely to you. Well they're all kind of small. She had heard you won the Printz Prize. (Does Happy Dance) I don't know what you're gonna do with all of them man. You're just rackin' 'em up. What do you do with two Printz Awards? Do you actually get a thing? Do you get, like, a statue? (high pitched voice) eh congratulations! Or do you just, ya know, every single one of your books get a sticker on it. Which is cool. I like the sticker, I think the sticker is good. Or do you just get more money? Do they give you more money? Is there any, ya know, reward?
Now there's something that I wanted to talk to you about. When you recieved the information that you were getting the Printz Award, one of the things that you did not do, was your Happy Dance. Is your Happy Dance actually your Happy Dance? Or are you just trying to entertain us? Because if you're just trying to entertain us, then this thing isn't real, man, and it has to be real! Or you know, it could be fake. We could start faking things, and that might be interesting. For example, I generally sit by the fire, with a glass of wine... in my girlfriend's coat...
Katherine: Girlfriend?
Hank: Girlfriend (laughs) Yes...girlfriend's coat. We aren't married 'cause this is fake time. I'm lying about things. Obviously. So I was recently at your friend Maureen Johnson's blog. She discussed a long conversation which you and Johnson and Lockheart had, concerning the suffix, "in your pants." It turns out that every book title, becomes better when you add "in your pants" to the end of the title. I'm going to go around this lovely cabin and find books.
The Dance of the Dissident Daugher in Your Pants! Present Moment, Wonderful Moment in Your Pants. Stumbling on Happiness in Your Pants. The Left Hand of Darkness in Your Pants. The Student Bible in Your Pants.
(Shows Hank's torso and pants. opens coat, undoes fly, pulls The Student Bible out of his pants)
(back to Hank) Yeah... So...I'll see you tomorrow.
And I know that you don't personally know this, but Katherines in your pants is actually quite a nice thing. I don't know about an abundance of Katherines... I promise, I don't. But one Katherine in my pants... is quite nice.
Good morning John. It's Tuesday, January 23rd. (Blows on drink in glass) If you're wondering why I'm blowing on my wine, it's because its tea. But I needed something that I could toast with. Congratulations on your Printz nomination. I wasn't excited enough, I need to be more excited about that. (Does Happy Dance) (Toasts) To the Printz Award! To An Abundance of Katherines! To Katherines! There's one sitting right here. She's waving. To silver metals! To not quite doing as good as you did the last time!
Sorry, that was kinda mean.
So I was in a bookstore today and the lady came up to me and said, you're John Green's brother. Oh-Ho!
So it turns out that I'm famous now. Well, she might very well be your biggest fan. She has a section of her bookstore devoted entirely to you. In fact, there are several sections in her book store devoted entirely to you. Well they're all kind of small. She had heard you won the Printz Prize. (Does Happy Dance) I don't know what you're gonna do with all of them man. You're just rackin' 'em up. What do you do with two Printz Awards? Do you actually get a thing? Do you get, like, a statue? (high pitched voice) eh congratulations! Or do you just, ya know, every single one of your books get a sticker on it. Which is cool. I like the sticker, I think the sticker is good. Or do you just get more money? Do they give you more money? Is there any, ya know, reward?
Now there's something that I wanted to talk to you about. When you recieved the information that you were getting the Printz Award, one of the things that you did not do, was your Happy Dance. Is your Happy Dance actually your Happy Dance? Or are you just trying to entertain us? Because if you're just trying to entertain us, then this thing isn't real, man, and it has to be real! Or you know, it could be fake. We could start faking things, and that might be interesting. For example, I generally sit by the fire, with a glass of wine... in my girlfriend's coat...
Katherine: Girlfriend?
Hank: Girlfriend (laughs) Yes...girlfriend's coat. We aren't married 'cause this is fake time. I'm lying about things. Obviously. So I was recently at your friend Maureen Johnson's blog. She discussed a long conversation which you and Johnson and Lockheart had, concerning the suffix, "in your pants." It turns out that every book title, becomes better when you add "in your pants" to the end of the title. I'm going to go around this lovely cabin and find books.
The Dance of the Dissident Daugher in Your Pants! Present Moment, Wonderful Moment in Your Pants. Stumbling on Happiness in Your Pants. The Left Hand of Darkness in Your Pants. The Student Bible in Your Pants.
(Shows Hank's torso and pants. opens coat, undoes fly, pulls The Student Bible out of his pants)
(back to Hank) Yeah... So...I'll see you tomorrow.
And I know that you don't personally know this, but Katherines in your pants is actually quite a nice thing. I don't know about an abundance of Katherines... I promise, I don't. But one Katherine in my pants... is quite nice.
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