(image of salad) Oooh, aaah. Good morning John, it's Thursday, July 12th. I'm in a pizza restaurant. Pretty much completely alone, except for Katherine. Who's here because she just got back from her work trip and I'm really glad to see her. And I would like to spend all of my time with her, but I can't because I have to make a video. So instead I'm making a video while I'm spending time with her at a pizza restaurant. This is definitely the deliciousest pizza restaurant in Missoula. Deliciousest. Wooo my pizza. They make pretty good money here. Good news is that we're the only people here because it's like, 2:30. Not really time for lunch. Except for the cooks and wait staff. But they kind of, um, work for me? Because I'm paying them money to do stuff? So they're aloud to be discouraged by my video taping.
(pizza) Mmm. Pizza. I still don't know what you want me to do for my punishment exactly, so I'm not gonna do it today. But you need to clear that up on Friday so that I can be sure that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not still punished after I finish my punishment. I like the green hair idea with the spray paint, but I don't think that that's suitably, uh, punishment. Cause, especially if it just washes out after a day. So, yeah, I think that it's a good challenge, a good fun time thing to do, but not necessarily uh- a punishment.
(Wal*Mart badges with Nerdfighters on them) Wow, I sure can't argue with Wal*Mart Nerdfighters.
(One slice) This is how much pizza is left. That is Katherine's piece, so I can't eat it. I- I would like to eat it. But we split it in half and that is not my piece. (reaches for it) Not. (Katherine smacks his hand away.
So guess what Katherine and I are about to go do? We're going to see Harry Potter! At the five o'clock matinee showing because that is the only time we go to see movies any more. Now, even in Missoula, a movie costs 8 dollars and 50 cents. Never ever go without a soda in your pocket because the sodas are like seven dollars for the little one. I'm getting very excited for all this Harry Potter madness. I'm having a hard time holding in my excitement for the book, which I think comes out in 12 days? 13 days? It's very soon. I hope that I don't have to do a video on that day because I won't be able to cause I will be reading Harry Potter.
But I just wanted to say that I think that a good challenge is just to wear out Nerdfighter shirts in public. Because people always look at me funny. And then sometimes they ask me but other times they just look at me and they kind of ask me with their eyes, plus then you get to, like, explain Brotherhood 2.0 to them. Maybe we should have business cards.
As for your punishment, people seem to be really excited about you doing that half naked dance with a golden bow-tie. Well, really, I mean, it's gonna be black and white so anything that looks like it could be a golden bow-tie. Just, put that on, and then you do that naked dance, for, you know, ten, fifteen seconds, maybe a little bit more than that, how bout 30 seconds? You don't have to show all of it, you can just pick the best parts, but I wanna see some good half naked dancing. I think that's what I wanna see you do for your punishments, me? Whatever you want, man.
OK, I'm almost home, so John I will see you tomorrow.
Showing posts with label T-Shirt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label T-Shirt. Show all posts
Sunday, November 7
Brotherhood 2.0: July 2nd: The Law of Compound Nerdfighting
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, July 2nd, the first day of the second half of Brotherhood 2.0. It's also coincidentally the second day of National Finish A Revision Of Your Book I Mean Seriously Come On Month, also known by its acronym, NAFAROYBIMSCOM. Incidentally, Hank, I still haven't settled on a title.
Hank, holy crap! You and me and the Nerdfighters raised many, many thousands of dollars for Kiva.org over the weekend. Hey Hank, do you remember in my video on Thursday when I said that we couldn't personally open a microfinance bank because it takes really wealthy people to open a microfinance bank, and so instead we would have to rely on Kiva.org?
It turns out that when I said that, I was forgetting about the law of compound Nerdfighting! The law of compound Nerdfighting is sort of similar to the law of compound interest which, Hank, I'm sure you remember from when Dad tried to tell us about it a million times when we were kids. As far as I can remember, the law of compound interest states that you have to put a little bit of money in the bank when you're a kid, and then by the time you're old, it's become a lot of money. And the reason for that is this very complex fiscal thing known as magic.
The law of compound Nerdfighting is similar in that it also involves magic. The law of compound Nerdfighting states that 100 Nerdfighters as a group can do things that 100 Nerdfighters as individuals could not do. (image of T-shirt) In this example seen in this t-shirt that you own, Hank, we see that 100 Nerdfighters together can beat up a popular kid. By the way, Hank, I've been thinking that maybe the opposite of Nerdfighter is Decepticon. Do you like it?
What I learned this weekend is that we actually probably could have started a microfinance bank if we'd only known about the law of compound Nerdfighting, because people were extremely generous. I mean, we have funded a lot of loans now, and over the course of next week, we're going to continue to fund loans. And we're going to fund loans like crazy! We're gonna help people open bakeries and shoe stores. The other day we helped a guy who wanted to start a lasso factory. A lasso factory? That's so awesome! How come I didn't think of that?
But there's only one problem, Hank. The Nerdfighters are probably getting kind of tapped out. What we need is more Nerdfighters. Hank, I never really craved more Nerdfighters until this weekend. I mean, there's plenty of people out there who are Nerdfighters who just don't know about the term yet. Hank, what we have is an acute Nerdfighter shortage! We gotta do something about this. Hank, I think broadly speaking, there are four kinds of people in the world. First, you have your Decepticons, you know, not Nerdfighters. Then you have your Nerdfighters, you know, me, you, Tobias, Otter, all the commenters, all the people who hang out in My Pants, all the people who write Nerdfighting songs, that kind of thing. Then you've got what I like to call your Nerdfighters-In-Training, or your NiTs. Your NiTs are your lurkers, your occasional viewers, that kind of thing. Then you've got people who would be Nerdfighters, but they don't even know what a Nerdfighter is yet. That's very troubling, Hank, because those are the people who could be giving to Kiva.org to pick up where the current Nerdfighters are having to leave off because they're out of money to lend.
So Hank, what I'm gonna propose is a series of mass promotions! First, we have to promote the Nerdfighters to being Senior Executive Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to promote the NiTs to being Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to take all the people who do not yet know that they are Nerdfighters, and we are gonna promote them to NiTs! Hank, we have to find a way to tell these people that they're NiTs. And then we have to tell them to loan money to Kiva.org because the law of compound Nerdfighting says it clearly, Hank, the more there are of us, the fewer there will be of them. I'll see you tomorrow.
Hank, holy crap! You and me and the Nerdfighters raised many, many thousands of dollars for Kiva.org over the weekend. Hey Hank, do you remember in my video on Thursday when I said that we couldn't personally open a microfinance bank because it takes really wealthy people to open a microfinance bank, and so instead we would have to rely on Kiva.org?
It turns out that when I said that, I was forgetting about the law of compound Nerdfighting! The law of compound Nerdfighting is sort of similar to the law of compound interest which, Hank, I'm sure you remember from when Dad tried to tell us about it a million times when we were kids. As far as I can remember, the law of compound interest states that you have to put a little bit of money in the bank when you're a kid, and then by the time you're old, it's become a lot of money. And the reason for that is this very complex fiscal thing known as magic.
The law of compound Nerdfighting is similar in that it also involves magic. The law of compound Nerdfighting states that 100 Nerdfighters as a group can do things that 100 Nerdfighters as individuals could not do. (image of T-shirt) In this example seen in this t-shirt that you own, Hank, we see that 100 Nerdfighters together can beat up a popular kid. By the way, Hank, I've been thinking that maybe the opposite of Nerdfighter is Decepticon. Do you like it?
What I learned this weekend is that we actually probably could have started a microfinance bank if we'd only known about the law of compound Nerdfighting, because people were extremely generous. I mean, we have funded a lot of loans now, and over the course of next week, we're going to continue to fund loans. And we're going to fund loans like crazy! We're gonna help people open bakeries and shoe stores. The other day we helped a guy who wanted to start a lasso factory. A lasso factory? That's so awesome! How come I didn't think of that?
But there's only one problem, Hank. The Nerdfighters are probably getting kind of tapped out. What we need is more Nerdfighters. Hank, I never really craved more Nerdfighters until this weekend. I mean, there's plenty of people out there who are Nerdfighters who just don't know about the term yet. Hank, what we have is an acute Nerdfighter shortage! We gotta do something about this. Hank, I think broadly speaking, there are four kinds of people in the world. First, you have your Decepticons, you know, not Nerdfighters. Then you have your Nerdfighters, you know, me, you, Tobias, Otter, all the commenters, all the people who hang out in My Pants, all the people who write Nerdfighting songs, that kind of thing. Then you've got what I like to call your Nerdfighters-In-Training, or your NiTs. Your NiTs are your lurkers, your occasional viewers, that kind of thing. Then you've got people who would be Nerdfighters, but they don't even know what a Nerdfighter is yet. That's very troubling, Hank, because those are the people who could be giving to Kiva.org to pick up where the current Nerdfighters are having to leave off because they're out of money to lend.
So Hank, what I'm gonna propose is a series of mass promotions! First, we have to promote the Nerdfighters to being Senior Executive Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to promote the NiTs to being Nerdfighters. Then, we're going to take all the people who do not yet know that they are Nerdfighters, and we are gonna promote them to NiTs! Hank, we have to find a way to tell these people that they're NiTs. And then we have to tell them to loan money to Kiva.org because the law of compound Nerdfighting says it clearly, Hank, the more there are of us, the fewer there will be of them. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Hank, speaking of us and them, there's an interesting conversation about post-colonial theory going on in the comments. That's the kind of thing that maybe we could talk about in My Pants. Oh, and that's one more difference between people who aren't Nerdfighters and people who are NiTs and people who are Nerdfighters. People who aren't yet Nerdfighters are like, (talking into pants) Why is that guy talking about post-colonial theory in his pants? And then people who are NiTs are like, Oh man, I should really join that forum. And people who are Nerdfighters are already starting the thread.
Saturday, November 6
June 19: GOOD LUCK JOHN
Good morning John it's Tuesday, June 19th!
(singing) I'm back in the basement again! I'm back in the basement again! I'm mostly underground and you can't hear a sound, 'cause I'm back in the basement again!
(spoken) It's pretty comfortable down here. I, uh, made a little nest for myself. Where I can nuzzle up. And, uh, come down here when it's too hot outside. (singing) And I'm back in the basement again.
But I don't envy you, having to move out of your house. Having to leave your little studio. I wonder what's gonna to be in the background of all your new videos? Is it still gonna be your bookcase? Or are you gonna do it somewhere else? Maybe Brotherhood 2.0 viewers would like a change of setting every once in awhile. I mean, for awhile people were, you know, impressed by my map of the realm of Narnia, and my floating bookshelves back there. But now nobody talks about that anymore. Maybe I should start filming upstairs, in my bedroom, with the cat. At the Missoula skate park. Maybe some more from downtown Missoula. Or from Target. You know, on-location. Not today, though. But I'd be interested if people had suggestions.
So what's the news, you ask? Oh let me tell you. There's news. (shows mental_floss article he wrote) There's this news. You might not be impressed with this kinda stuff John anymore, but it's still very exciting for me. I can go to Barnes & Noble and be like, hey, I wrote this. That's me. People will gasp, you're famous! Just like that. Famous! And I'll say, you don't know the half of it.
The other day I was wearing my Brotherhood 2.0 in my pants shirt, and a lady came up and asked me about it. I thought that was actually kind of brave of her. I mean, would you go up to somebody who had a t-shirt like that? I mean, I've seen a lot of weird t-shirts in my time, but I don't generally walk up to people and ask them what they're about. There's an idea for a project: asking people about their t-shirts. Gotta find someplace public with lots of t-shirts, and be like, (shows t-shirt) What the- It's the future! He saw it and it's going to crush him! A lot of times there's no explaining. I mean, talking to strangers is fun, right? As long as the t-shirt doesn't say something like, don't talk to me about my t-shirt or I will put forks in you! That would be an amazing t-shirt.
Other news! I was on the Weather Channel. I mean, I knew that they had recorded me, for the Weather Channel, but then suddenly I was actually on the Weather Channel. I missed it, but it will be on again, several times. The show is called "Forecast Earth" I believe. The particular episode is entitled something about hotness, heat, global heat, heating up, heat or heaters, space heater. Space heater? Probably not. It starts out, I think, with John Kerry, and I'm the very end. But that's definitely my first national television appearance, and I'm pretty sure that they mentioned Brotherhood 2.0. (Mouth pop) Hoo hah! (Mouth pop) Hoo hah!
Anyhow, I talked to the Yeti this afternoon, and she and John were in the moving truck, leaving New York. Actually, trying to get out of the city, while in a moving truck, which I'm sure can't be very easy. So, let us all get together, and say, Lucky lucky lucky-lucky-lucky-lucky woo! Good luck getting out of the city and getting to Indianapolis, good luck moving into your new house, good luck doing a video tomorrow, while moving into your new house. Cause that's gonna suck. And thanks for your video, it always sucks leaving a good place. I hope I don't have to do it anytime soon. I'll see you tomorrow. I hope.
(singing) I'm back in the basement again! I'm back in the basement again! I'm mostly underground and you can't hear a sound, 'cause I'm back in the basement again!
(spoken) It's pretty comfortable down here. I, uh, made a little nest for myself. Where I can nuzzle up. And, uh, come down here when it's too hot outside. (singing) And I'm back in the basement again.
But I don't envy you, having to move out of your house. Having to leave your little studio. I wonder what's gonna to be in the background of all your new videos? Is it still gonna be your bookcase? Or are you gonna do it somewhere else? Maybe Brotherhood 2.0 viewers would like a change of setting every once in awhile. I mean, for awhile people were, you know, impressed by my map of the realm of Narnia, and my floating bookshelves back there. But now nobody talks about that anymore. Maybe I should start filming upstairs, in my bedroom, with the cat. At the Missoula skate park. Maybe some more from downtown Missoula. Or from Target. You know, on-location. Not today, though. But I'd be interested if people had suggestions.
So what's the news, you ask? Oh let me tell you. There's news. (shows mental_floss article he wrote) There's this news. You might not be impressed with this kinda stuff John anymore, but it's still very exciting for me. I can go to Barnes & Noble and be like, hey, I wrote this. That's me. People will gasp, you're famous! Just like that. Famous! And I'll say, you don't know the half of it.
The other day I was wearing my Brotherhood 2.0 in my pants shirt, and a lady came up and asked me about it. I thought that was actually kind of brave of her. I mean, would you go up to somebody who had a t-shirt like that? I mean, I've seen a lot of weird t-shirts in my time, but I don't generally walk up to people and ask them what they're about. There's an idea for a project: asking people about their t-shirts. Gotta find someplace public with lots of t-shirts, and be like, (shows t-shirt) What the- It's the future! He saw it and it's going to crush him! A lot of times there's no explaining. I mean, talking to strangers is fun, right? As long as the t-shirt doesn't say something like, don't talk to me about my t-shirt or I will put forks in you! That would be an amazing t-shirt.
Other news! I was on the Weather Channel. I mean, I knew that they had recorded me, for the Weather Channel, but then suddenly I was actually on the Weather Channel. I missed it, but it will be on again, several times. The show is called "Forecast Earth" I believe. The particular episode is entitled something about hotness, heat, global heat, heating up, heat or heaters, space heater. Space heater? Probably not. It starts out, I think, with John Kerry, and I'm the very end. But that's definitely my first national television appearance, and I'm pretty sure that they mentioned Brotherhood 2.0. (Mouth pop) Hoo hah! (Mouth pop) Hoo hah!
Anyhow, I talked to the Yeti this afternoon, and she and John were in the moving truck, leaving New York. Actually, trying to get out of the city, while in a moving truck, which I'm sure can't be very easy. So, let us all get together, and say, Lucky lucky lucky-lucky-lucky-lucky woo! Good luck getting out of the city and getting to Indianapolis, good luck moving into your new house, good luck doing a video tomorrow, while moving into your new house. Cause that's gonna suck. And thanks for your video, it always sucks leaving a good place. I hope I don't have to do it anytime soon. I'll see you tomorrow. I hope.
Thursday, November 4
May 23rd: Miniature Soccer Team
Good morning, John, it's Wednesday, May 23rd. And this song, is for the Yeti.
(sings) A year ago today,
My brother convinced a girl to say
I do.
And that girl was you.
But Sarah, I've got to warn you,
I don't think you know just what you swore to.
You'll see,
What I mean.
Oh nothin in the world could ever stop John Green,
From achieving his one unmatchable dream.
I don't think that he would even stop at 19.
He wants two entire miniature soccer teams
From you.
From your womb.
11 on each side
Co-ed teams would be just fine.
As long,
as you don't take long.
44 little tiny baby cleats
Tied onto 44 baby feets
So cute.
In their little Umbro suits.
Well I'm glad you think that you're the luckiest girl
In Indianapolis and all of the world
But I wouldn't think you'd be too keen
On birthing a miniature soccer team
For him.
All for him.
It might sound inhumane
It might sound like a lot of pain
Unless you opt
To adopt.
But John would probably just call me a cynic
I think he's already called fertility clinics
He's serious
About this.
Oh 22 kids is probably more
Than a middle-class family like you can afford.
But nothing in the world is gonna stop John Green
From seeing his miniature soccer team.
At play
Oh, all day.
Sarah I have to warn you,
Warn you about what you've sworn to
John Green
Is a baby makin' machine.
(spoken) Sarah, John, I hope you're having a marvelous time in the Netherlands. Watch out for the babies, you never know where they're gonna come from. They could come from the Netherlands, I dunno. We could add more about that later if you want to. But, uuh, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow. (Reveals black Nerd Fighter T-shirt) Waaah Hoo Hah Nerdfighters!
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) For users of Mac OSX, Nerdfighter Timothy Risendez has created the World Suck widgit, which will keep you informed of World Suck Levels via your OSX Dashboard. You can download it at Brotherhood2.com and if you're already at Brotherhood2.com then you can download it right (points down) there. (thumbs up)
(sings) A year ago today,
My brother convinced a girl to say
I do.
And that girl was you.
But Sarah, I've got to warn you,
I don't think you know just what you swore to.
You'll see,
What I mean.
Oh nothin in the world could ever stop John Green,
From achieving his one unmatchable dream.
I don't think that he would even stop at 19.
He wants two entire miniature soccer teams
From you.
From your womb.
11 on each side
Co-ed teams would be just fine.
As long,
as you don't take long.
44 little tiny baby cleats
Tied onto 44 baby feets
So cute.
In their little Umbro suits.
Well I'm glad you think that you're the luckiest girl
In Indianapolis and all of the world
But I wouldn't think you'd be too keen
On birthing a miniature soccer team
For him.
All for him.
It might sound inhumane
It might sound like a lot of pain
Unless you opt
To adopt.
But John would probably just call me a cynic
I think he's already called fertility clinics
He's serious
About this.
Oh 22 kids is probably more
Than a middle-class family like you can afford.
But nothing in the world is gonna stop John Green
From seeing his miniature soccer team.
At play
Oh, all day.
Sarah I have to warn you,
Warn you about what you've sworn to
John Green
Is a baby makin' machine.
(spoken) Sarah, John, I hope you're having a marvelous time in the Netherlands. Watch out for the babies, you never know where they're gonna come from. They could come from the Netherlands, I dunno. We could add more about that later if you want to. But, uuh, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow. (Reveals black Nerd Fighter T-shirt) Waaah Hoo Hah Nerdfighters!
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) For users of Mac OSX, Nerdfighter Timothy Risendez has created the World Suck widgit, which will keep you informed of World Suck Levels via your OSX Dashboard. You can download it at Brotherhood2.com and if you're already at Brotherhood2.com then you can download it right (points down) there. (thumbs up)
Wednesday, November 3
May 7th: Birthday Extravaganza
(in a go-kart) Good morning John, it's Monday, May 9th.
(basement) 7th, not 9th. 26 was a good age. I liked it. Lots and lots of good things happened. The last day of being 26 was a great day.
I woke up, came downstairs and watched about a hundred nerdfighters give me the best birthday greeting I have ever had. And then about halfway through the day my people got a call from John Kerry's people. And when I say my people got a call, I mean one of his assistants sent me an e-mail asking if I would like to interview him. Yes I- I would like to interview John Kerry!
So that was a nice birthday present. And then, Katherine took me to see Spiderman 3.
Which was really bad. I mean generally I like any movie that's loud enough that I can fart during and no one will hear it, but I like at least a little bit of depth. I feel like they just shaved everything off the top and decided well, pssh, what do we need a writer for? We'll just pay 300 million dollars for special effects and everyone will go see it. Ya know, they were right. But that doesn't mean that's what they should do. But what's important is that we got a call before the movie started. And it was you, John, calling to tell us Neil Gaiman had posted a link to brotherhood2.com on his blog.
HOO HA!
There's not much better than having someone who you're a big fan of be a fan of something you're doing. That just feels good. Thanks Neil. And then, we came home and read Brotherhood2.0 comments. (holds up box) and ate mini corn dogs. My girl knows how to make me happy.
Additionally from Katherine I recieved: (holds up each item) Mountain Dew, Pop-Tarts, and chocolate bars. This one has baby rhinoceros chunks in it!
And from people besides Katherine: A Jet Back Cowboy Bee-bop action figure from my dad. From Brian, Jim Beam Black. From Melissa, an anatomical gummy heart. And from Kelly, this amazing nerdfighter shirt (shows T-shirt with nerds united against jock). The Nerdfighters united! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW!
I'm gonna do it. I'm just- ya know, I might as well do it on camera. (opens and eats gummy heart) At least it tastes good.
So you wouldn't think that my actual birthday could be much better than my day before my birthday would you? And really, it wasn't because I didn't wake up to the amazingness that was the Secret Project. But, I did have a bloody fantastic time. It was also my friend's Jeff Lavoy's 30th birthday, so we had a combined birthday extravaganza in three parts.
First Part: Amazing Mexican Food at Heraldo's.
Second Part: Qwivals Family Fun Center! (clips of time spent) I mean, really, you can't get much cooler than this. I got to spin the birthday wheel, and I won a cookie, there was a ridiculously amazing inflatable obstacle coarse, which I totally kicked everybody's ass at. Probably the awesomest part of Qwivel's is the go-kart racing. Which we did a lot, and pretty much all day. There was also miniature golf, which Katherine destroyed everyone at. Polishing off her victory with a final hole-in-one.
And there was laser tag, which I didn't record any of, because it was dark and I was afraid of breaking my camera. (shows image of dragon from park) Look how happy that dragon is!
Part 3! Drinking...a lot. At bars. In Missoula. Surrounded with guys with sombreros on, because it's always like that on my birthday. What are you gonna do?
Thank you everyone for making my birthday so amazing. I loved all of my birthday messages from everyone around the world. I don't think anyone ever in the history of the world has had comparable birthday experience to the one I just had. Certainly, no one has eaten half of an anatomical gummy heart, washed it down with some Mountain Dew, and then said thank you to a hundred people that he's never met for wishing him such a wonderful happy birthday. And their wishes for my happy birthday somehow became manifested in reality and I had one of the happiest birthdays of my life. Thank you all so very much. John, I will see you tomorrow.
(basement) 7th, not 9th. 26 was a good age. I liked it. Lots and lots of good things happened. The last day of being 26 was a great day.
I woke up, came downstairs and watched about a hundred nerdfighters give me the best birthday greeting I have ever had. And then about halfway through the day my people got a call from John Kerry's people. And when I say my people got a call, I mean one of his assistants sent me an e-mail asking if I would like to interview him. Yes I- I would like to interview John Kerry!
So that was a nice birthday present. And then, Katherine took me to see Spiderman 3.
Which was really bad. I mean generally I like any movie that's loud enough that I can fart during and no one will hear it, but I like at least a little bit of depth. I feel like they just shaved everything off the top and decided well, pssh, what do we need a writer for? We'll just pay 300 million dollars for special effects and everyone will go see it. Ya know, they were right. But that doesn't mean that's what they should do. But what's important is that we got a call before the movie started. And it was you, John, calling to tell us Neil Gaiman had posted a link to brotherhood2.com on his blog.
HOO HA!
There's not much better than having someone who you're a big fan of be a fan of something you're doing. That just feels good. Thanks Neil. And then, we came home and read Brotherhood2.0 comments. (holds up box) and ate mini corn dogs. My girl knows how to make me happy.
Additionally from Katherine I recieved: (holds up each item) Mountain Dew, Pop-Tarts, and chocolate bars. This one has baby rhinoceros chunks in it!
And from people besides Katherine: A Jet Back Cowboy Bee-bop action figure from my dad. From Brian, Jim Beam Black. From Melissa, an anatomical gummy heart. And from Kelly, this amazing nerdfighter shirt (shows T-shirt with nerds united against jock). The Nerdfighters united! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW!
I'm gonna do it. I'm just- ya know, I might as well do it on camera. (opens and eats gummy heart) At least it tastes good.
So you wouldn't think that my actual birthday could be much better than my day before my birthday would you? And really, it wasn't because I didn't wake up to the amazingness that was the Secret Project. But, I did have a bloody fantastic time. It was also my friend's Jeff Lavoy's 30th birthday, so we had a combined birthday extravaganza in three parts.
First Part: Amazing Mexican Food at Heraldo's.
Second Part: Qwivals Family Fun Center! (clips of time spent) I mean, really, you can't get much cooler than this. I got to spin the birthday wheel, and I won a cookie, there was a ridiculously amazing inflatable obstacle coarse, which I totally kicked everybody's ass at. Probably the awesomest part of Qwivel's is the go-kart racing. Which we did a lot, and pretty much all day. There was also miniature golf, which Katherine destroyed everyone at. Polishing off her victory with a final hole-in-one.
And there was laser tag, which I didn't record any of, because it was dark and I was afraid of breaking my camera. (shows image of dragon from park) Look how happy that dragon is!
Part 3! Drinking...a lot. At bars. In Missoula. Surrounded with guys with sombreros on, because it's always like that on my birthday. What are you gonna do?
Thank you everyone for making my birthday so amazing. I loved all of my birthday messages from everyone around the world. I don't think anyone ever in the history of the world has had comparable birthday experience to the one I just had. Certainly, no one has eaten half of an anatomical gummy heart, washed it down with some Mountain Dew, and then said thank you to a hundred people that he's never met for wishing him such a wonderful happy birthday. And their wishes for my happy birthday somehow became manifested in reality and I had one of the happiest birthdays of my life. Thank you all so very much. John, I will see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: April 16: Brotherhood of the Traveling Shirts
Good morning Hank, it's Monday April 16th. Friendly brotherly reminder: your taxes are due tomorrow. Hank, unfortunately I wasn't able to attend any of the Step It Up rallies and I'll tell you why. Instead of protesting carbon consumption, I was myself consuming carbon on a series of airplanes trying to get from San Antonio, Texas to New York City. I eventually got home but unfortunately by then all the Step It Up rallies were finished. I did, however, make a poster: (Shows poster, which says, handwritten on a piece of letter paper: STEP IT UP, CONGRESS! AND ALSO, STEP IT UP, SELF!)
I'm not very good at posters. Hank, just in case you can't read my scribbled handwriting, my poster says, "Step it up, Congress! And also, step it up, self!" Because I feel like I'm also not doing enough in the fight against climate change. And that's why, Hank, you may notice that today the video is a little darker than it usually is: it's because, for the next week, I'm not going to be using any kind of electricity that I don't absolutely have to use. The refrigerator is going to continue to run, my computer is going to continue to run when I need to use it, but I'm not going to use lights unless they are necessary as reading lights in the evening, and I'm not going to watch TV. Except for a couple of really important soccer games.
I'm also going to minimise my use of hot water, which is extremely difficult because, as you know, I like to take baths. Hank, throughout the week I'm going to be doing things to further reduce my carbon emissions, let me know if you have any ideas. Oh, and by the way, I loved your EcoGeek podcast, and look forward to more of them. -o be careful not to cut off the beginning of your sentences.
Guess what I got this weekend at the Texas Library Association convention? (Slowly reveals t-shirt saying NERD FIGHTER) Ooooh yeah! How awesome is this shirt, Hank? It's so awesome that when I looked on the Haines tag in the back it said that it's made out of 80% cotton, 10% polyester and 10% awesome. Thanks to Laura, pictured here, delivering the shirt.
Hank, unfortunately there's only one "Nerdfighter" shirt and I don't want you to be deprived of its awesomeness. So I'm going to propose a custody-sharing arrangement. I'm gonna send you the shirt now, and then maybe you can send it back to me around June or something and then I'll send it back to you, and you'll send it back to... It's kinda like the "Brotherhood of the Travelling Shirt".
After all Hank, what is brotherhood, if not sharing clothes? Remember, we always used to share clothes growing up. Remember that sailor suit that Mom made us? That was cool. That was really cool. Man, no wonder we were nerds.
And finally, Hank, I know this isn't necessarily a political video blog, but there is some Very Exciting Political News going on right now and I can't help but share it with you: Our resident mathematician, Daniel Biss, is running for state representative in the state of Illinois! We're gonna have a resident state representative! He'll be able to pass legislation that's helpful to brothers, and nerds, and Peeps, and video blogs.
His two most important issues? Raising the amount of funding we spend on education in Illinois, which is the 49th state in terms of education - Thank God for Mississippi! - and also cutting carbon emissions. Speaking of carbon emissions, I should shut off this video camera. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and P.S.: To make this sign? I used recycled paper. This is a page from my book, Hank, which I'm just beginning to seriously revise. That process is going to take several months. So expect me to become kind of moody until, say, September.
I'm not very good at posters. Hank, just in case you can't read my scribbled handwriting, my poster says, "Step it up, Congress! And also, step it up, self!" Because I feel like I'm also not doing enough in the fight against climate change. And that's why, Hank, you may notice that today the video is a little darker than it usually is: it's because, for the next week, I'm not going to be using any kind of electricity that I don't absolutely have to use. The refrigerator is going to continue to run, my computer is going to continue to run when I need to use it, but I'm not going to use lights unless they are necessary as reading lights in the evening, and I'm not going to watch TV. Except for a couple of really important soccer games.
I'm also going to minimise my use of hot water, which is extremely difficult because, as you know, I like to take baths. Hank, throughout the week I'm going to be doing things to further reduce my carbon emissions, let me know if you have any ideas. Oh, and by the way, I loved your EcoGeek podcast, and look forward to more of them. -o be careful not to cut off the beginning of your sentences.
Guess what I got this weekend at the Texas Library Association convention? (Slowly reveals t-shirt saying NERD FIGHTER) Ooooh yeah! How awesome is this shirt, Hank? It's so awesome that when I looked on the Haines tag in the back it said that it's made out of 80% cotton, 10% polyester and 10% awesome. Thanks to Laura, pictured here, delivering the shirt.
Hank, unfortunately there's only one "Nerdfighter" shirt and I don't want you to be deprived of its awesomeness. So I'm going to propose a custody-sharing arrangement. I'm gonna send you the shirt now, and then maybe you can send it back to me around June or something and then I'll send it back to you, and you'll send it back to... It's kinda like the "Brotherhood of the Travelling Shirt".
After all Hank, what is brotherhood, if not sharing clothes? Remember, we always used to share clothes growing up. Remember that sailor suit that Mom made us? That was cool. That was really cool. Man, no wonder we were nerds.
And finally, Hank, I know this isn't necessarily a political video blog, but there is some Very Exciting Political News going on right now and I can't help but share it with you: Our resident mathematician, Daniel Biss, is running for state representative in the state of Illinois! We're gonna have a resident state representative! He'll be able to pass legislation that's helpful to brothers, and nerds, and Peeps, and video blogs.
His two most important issues? Raising the amount of funding we spend on education in Illinois, which is the 49th state in terms of education - Thank God for Mississippi! - and also cutting carbon emissions. Speaking of carbon emissions, I should shut off this video camera. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
(Brotherhood 2.0 logo) Oh, and P.S.: To make this sign? I used recycled paper. This is a page from my book, Hank, which I'm just beginning to seriously revise. That process is going to take several months. So expect me to become kind of moody until, say, September.
Tuesday, November 2
Brotherhood 2.0: March 13, 2007: Denver
All right ready? 1 2 3
Audience: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
Holy crap, that was a lot of people. (points at his shirt, reads Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants) how awesome is that? (Happy dance)
Yesterday I was speaking in front of all those Borders managers. Thanks for participating by the way. But today I don't have anything to do at all, so I thought I'd just walk around Denver. It sure is beautiful here, although unfortunately the city is being attacked by a giant bear (bear statue is attacking building).
First I ran into this guy (worker with Stop sign in front of stop light) his job seems kind of redundant. Then, because it is important to me to appreciate the local cuisine, I went and had lunch at Chilli's too. I'm telling you man, this town is being attacked by giant metal bears.
Then I found myself at ESPN zone and I thought: "Maybe they have nerdfighters". They didn't have nerdfighters. But they sure had boxing. And horse racing. Ah, boy, horse racing is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks. ESPN zone might not be the fastest way to spend $10.00, but it's the fastest way I ever encountered.
Then I happened across a mall. Hank, I haven't been to a mall in 10 years, so I decided to do an anthropological experiment and see how much malls have changed in the decade that I've been away. (shots of what is listed) Fuax marble tile? check. Sunglasses hut? check. Nobody needs a shoe shine? check. Panda express? check. Subway? check. Flag World? check. (holds up a miniature-montana-flag, which falls apart) Sorry, it broke on the way home. By the way, low quality merchandise at high quality merchandise prices? check. Card store, where you don't want to buy any of the cards? check. Now I know what you're wondering Hank. You're wondering: "Well, sure they still have card stores, but do they still sell the same items that they did 10 years ago?". Check! And now you're saying: "OK fine, they still sell Ty stuffed animals, but do they still sell those glass-etchings that are extraordinarily cheesy but sometimes convey true sentiments?" (A glass etching of "I'm so lucky to have such a Wonderful Wife" is zoomed in on) Check. I miss the yeti.
Gourmet gumballs? check. GNC? check. Wait, wait, wait. Go back! Gourmet gumballs? Gourmet gumballs? What kind of flavors you got? Chocolate milkshake, creamsicle, banana-strawberry, nerds gum. Nerd gum? Rock!
Hank, in short: according to my anthropological experiment, the American mall remains largely unchanged from what it was 10 years ago. The primary difference? It's just a little more awesome. Mmmmm, nerdy. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
Audience: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday!
Holy crap, that was a lot of people. (points at his shirt, reads Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants) how awesome is that? (Happy dance)
Yesterday I was speaking in front of all those Borders managers. Thanks for participating by the way. But today I don't have anything to do at all, so I thought I'd just walk around Denver. It sure is beautiful here, although unfortunately the city is being attacked by a giant bear (bear statue is attacking building).
First I ran into this guy (worker with Stop sign in front of stop light) his job seems kind of redundant. Then, because it is important to me to appreciate the local cuisine, I went and had lunch at Chilli's too. I'm telling you man, this town is being attacked by giant metal bears.
Then I found myself at ESPN zone and I thought: "Maybe they have nerdfighters". They didn't have nerdfighters. But they sure had boxing. And horse racing. Ah, boy, horse racing is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks. ESPN zone might not be the fastest way to spend $10.00, but it's the fastest way I ever encountered.
Then I happened across a mall. Hank, I haven't been to a mall in 10 years, so I decided to do an anthropological experiment and see how much malls have changed in the decade that I've been away. (shots of what is listed) Fuax marble tile? check. Sunglasses hut? check. Nobody needs a shoe shine? check. Panda express? check. Subway? check. Flag World? check. (holds up a miniature-montana-flag, which falls apart) Sorry, it broke on the way home. By the way, low quality merchandise at high quality merchandise prices? check. Card store, where you don't want to buy any of the cards? check. Now I know what you're wondering Hank. You're wondering: "Well, sure they still have card stores, but do they still sell the same items that they did 10 years ago?". Check! And now you're saying: "OK fine, they still sell Ty stuffed animals, but do they still sell those glass-etchings that are extraordinarily cheesy but sometimes convey true sentiments?" (A glass etching of "I'm so lucky to have such a Wonderful Wife" is zoomed in on) Check. I miss the yeti.
Gourmet gumballs? check. GNC? check. Wait, wait, wait. Go back! Gourmet gumballs? Gourmet gumballs? What kind of flavors you got? Chocolate milkshake, creamsicle, banana-strawberry, nerds gum. Nerd gum? Rock!
Hank, in short: according to my anthropological experiment, the American mall remains largely unchanged from what it was 10 years ago. The primary difference? It's just a little more awesome. Mmmmm, nerdy. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.
March 12th: How to Make a Podcast
Good morning, John. It’s Monday, March 12th. I have something I need to show you. (takes off sweater to reveal a blue T- shirt that reads, “Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants”) That’s awesome. (holds shirt up over his mouth) Frickin’ awesome! Thanks go to Leila of bookshelvesofdoom.blogs.com. You can go there and buy amazing shirts from her to support her book habit. I’m not sure if you can get this shirt. I think it might just be exclusive to members of the actual Brotherhood. We’re not, like, averse to having honorary members of the Brotherhood. There is sort of Hank and John. We get perks. (waves hands) Look how big my hands are!
Today might be a little bit of a dry episode because I have to teach John how to make a podcast because I can’t obviously do it with his video so he has to do it, too. And I can’t send him a text-based tutorial, which would be, frankly, much easier. Uh, so I’m gonna have to do it in video blog form. Yeah, I’m doing a podcast on how to make podcasts. So if you’re not interested in making podcasts, this may not be your favorite episode of Brotherhood 2.0. However, I will be throwing in some juicy bits, and you will definitely want to be around for those. So, without further ado, podcasting.
First step: download Fetch. Fetch is an ftp program for Macintosh. If you don’t have a Macintosh, download SmartFTP. You can download them both in all kinds of places, but I usually use Download.com because it is extraordinarily easy to remember.
(reads screen) Thank you for downloading Fetch 5.1 at Download.com. (infinite loop occurs when filming screen, so when window is moved it creates a cool ripple effect) Oh, my goodness gracious, that’s pretty cool.
So, we’re going to use Fetch to get into our FTP server and then upload something. What something, you ask? Well, of course, our mp4 files which we are uploading every weekday anyways to YouTube. Now, it’s important to note here for people who aren’t my brother that you can’t have a podcast if you don’t have web hosting. Brotherhood2.com is hosted at bluehost.com. I also host stuff at AN Hosting and midPhase, all very good web hosting companies that I would suggest.
(screen) Fetch is finished downloading, and I’m opening it. So we have now installed Fetch, and Fetch wants to know what the host name is. Now, you might think it would be ftp.brotherhood2.com, but it’s not. The host name is greenwords.org, ftp.greenwords.org. The username is G-R-E-E-N-W-O-R. The password is the lake where the cabin was, followed by the first four digits of our old address in Orlando.
Go to the public html folder, and then go into the Brotherhood2 folder. So now that you’ve logged into the Brotherhood2 directory, you’ll find the podcast directory. So, basically, just drag it on over. The great news is, that you can upload all of your videos just by clicking and dragging and then dragging all of them over.
(Hank) And go get lunch or something because it’s going to take several hours because we have a lot of videos already.
Now, John, once you’re done uploading all the files you have to go to podcastblaster.com. Then go to the podcast syndication tool; sign in using my email address and the password that we’ve had since we were, like, babies. I think you know which one I’m talking about. You go in there and then you say create a new podcast. Then you can fill in all the data, including, most importantly, the URL of the place where the file is now. So, if you’ve uploaded it to the podcast directory of Brotherhood2.com, it’ll be http://www.brotherhood2.com/podcasts/march8.mp4, or whatever it is. Then, you push publish, and you have published that podcast to our podcast RSS feed. Then you just have to publish that RSS feed for everybody to find. We will have a podcast, and people who can’t get YouTube at their work will be able to watch our videos. Woo!
(Brings in thing) I promised you juicy bits. This is a giant picture of me as a baby. (holds up a giant picture of a small Hank Green, high pitched) Aaah! (shakes picture) I’m a little baby. I have really curly hair and I’m wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt!
(singing) Hi, I’m Hank! I’m a giant baby!
Today might be a little bit of a dry episode because I have to teach John how to make a podcast because I can’t obviously do it with his video so he has to do it, too. And I can’t send him a text-based tutorial, which would be, frankly, much easier. Uh, so I’m gonna have to do it in video blog form. Yeah, I’m doing a podcast on how to make podcasts. So if you’re not interested in making podcasts, this may not be your favorite episode of Brotherhood 2.0. However, I will be throwing in some juicy bits, and you will definitely want to be around for those. So, without further ado, podcasting.
First step: download Fetch. Fetch is an ftp program for Macintosh. If you don’t have a Macintosh, download SmartFTP. You can download them both in all kinds of places, but I usually use Download.com because it is extraordinarily easy to remember.
(reads screen) Thank you for downloading Fetch 5.1 at Download.com. (infinite loop occurs when filming screen, so when window is moved it creates a cool ripple effect) Oh, my goodness gracious, that’s pretty cool.
So, we’re going to use Fetch to get into our FTP server and then upload something. What something, you ask? Well, of course, our mp4 files which we are uploading every weekday anyways to YouTube. Now, it’s important to note here for people who aren’t my brother that you can’t have a podcast if you don’t have web hosting. Brotherhood2.com is hosted at bluehost.com. I also host stuff at AN Hosting and midPhase, all very good web hosting companies that I would suggest.
(screen) Fetch is finished downloading, and I’m opening it. So we have now installed Fetch, and Fetch wants to know what the host name is. Now, you might think it would be ftp.brotherhood2.com, but it’s not. The host name is greenwords.org, ftp.greenwords.org. The username is G-R-E-E-N-W-O-R. The password is the lake where the cabin was, followed by the first four digits of our old address in Orlando.
Go to the public html folder, and then go into the Brotherhood2 folder. So now that you’ve logged into the Brotherhood2 directory, you’ll find the podcast directory. So, basically, just drag it on over. The great news is, that you can upload all of your videos just by clicking and dragging and then dragging all of them over.
(Hank) And go get lunch or something because it’s going to take several hours because we have a lot of videos already.
Now, John, once you’re done uploading all the files you have to go to podcastblaster.com. Then go to the podcast syndication tool; sign in using my email address and the password that we’ve had since we were, like, babies. I think you know which one I’m talking about. You go in there and then you say create a new podcast. Then you can fill in all the data, including, most importantly, the URL of the place where the file is now. So, if you’ve uploaded it to the podcast directory of Brotherhood2.com, it’ll be http://www.brotherhood2.com/podcasts/march8.mp4, or whatever it is. Then, you push publish, and you have published that podcast to our podcast RSS feed. Then you just have to publish that RSS feed for everybody to find. We will have a podcast, and people who can’t get YouTube at their work will be able to watch our videos. Woo!
(Brings in thing) I promised you juicy bits. This is a giant picture of me as a baby. (holds up a giant picture of a small Hank Green, high pitched) Aaah! (shakes picture) I’m a little baby. I have really curly hair and I’m wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt!
(singing) Hi, I’m Hank! I’m a giant baby!
(Moves picture to show face) We’re gonna miss you, Ze.
Juicy bits number two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve you can find at MySpace.com by clicking on our pictures. Katherine and I did some scanning this weekend. I’ll see you, and hopefully your podcasts in the podcast directory, tomorrow.
Juicy bits number two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve you can find at MySpace.com by clicking on our pictures. Katherine and I did some scanning this weekend. I’ll see you, and hopefully your podcasts in the podcast directory, tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0: March 9, 2007: Peeptastic!
(John is wearing a handmade T-shirt that says "Kurt is Made of Awesome") Good morning Hank, it's Friday March 9th. My eye's still kinda funny. Hank on Wednesday afternoon for some reason I went out and bought a lot of peeps and I decided to eat them as fast as I could. At the time I didn't know that we would be introduced to Kurt, the Punk-Rock Nerdfighter, so I thought that I would prove how awesome I was by eating Peeps faster than you. I mean, not that everything is a contest between us. And, not that I feel compelled to win each one of those contests. So, I gave myself 3 minutes to eat as many Peeps as possible. I would like to show the results from that experiment.
I've got a whole stack of Peeps. (voice over video of eating Peeps) Hank, I may not like the taste of Peeps, but I sure do like the taste of sugar, so in the beginning I found it very easy to eat the Peeps. As you can see they're going in one after another. After all I've been on Weight Watchers for eight weeks. This felt very good. It's only 10 points for 15 Peeps! And then as you can see I began to slow down a little. The Ghostbusters and the stay-puff marshmallow man had begun to war inside me. Soon the Peeps began to hurt. They began to expand inside my stomach, growing like so many slowly inflating balloons. I felt a renewed sense of enthusiasm upon switching to the pink Peeps. I thought maybe by switching to the pink Peeps I would be able to eat Peeps quickly and efficiently proving myself to be the greatest Peeps eater in the history of the Green family. But my enthusiasm was short lived.
Hank in the world of competitive eating there is a phrase: "the wall of fat". The wall of fat is the wall that your stomach hits, when it's trying to expand and then it runs up against your subcutaneous fat. Thin eaters like Takeru Kobayashi, The greatest competitive eater in history, don't have to worry about the wall of fat. But I'm not thin yet Hank. I'm still a heavyweight according to the international boxing federation. So I began to hit the wall of fat. At this point all of the Peeps I could eat were inside my mouth, but there was the small matter from getting them from my mouth into my belly. And as you can see that process took quite a long time. There was so much chewing to do. Every time I thought I had swallowed the end of the Peeps, there was more Peeps to eat. Do you see that Hank? That is exactly what Peeps puke looks like. How do I know? Wait. At this point I think I can maybe still hold down the Peeps, and I think I can hold down the Peeps and I think it can- ah, no I'm not going to hold down the Peeps.
(back to John talking) Hank, be grateful I didn't take the video camera into the bathroom with me. I had, what is known in competitive eating circles as "a reversal of fortune". Hank in the end I ate 12 1/2 peeps in 3 minutes. You ate 12 1/2 peeps in 6 minutes. Kurt ate 12 peeps in a minute and a half. Scientific conclusion: It's not possible to eat more than 12 1/2 peeps in a single sitting. I'll see on Monday.
(After Brotherhood 2.0 Logo) There is now a link at brotherhood2.com, that allows you to contribute to the brotherhood 2.0 Fund for Decreasing Suck-levels Worldwide. So please contribute and help us do something about suck.
Brotherhood 2.0: March 5, 2007: Hank's Punishment
Good morning Hank, it's Monday, March 5th, and I am coming to you from the Yeti’s childhood bedroom. I’m sure that you’ve been thrilled to see the Free Hank movement that’s been going on in the comments. There have been posters (shows a group of rioters with a poster with Hank on it that says, “Free Hank”) and there have even been t-shirts (shows a white t-shirt with an screen print of Hank that says “Free Hank Green”).
Hank, it just goes to show what a vocal minority can do, they can make it seem like you didn’t do anything wrong at all. Like, we’re crazy to think that it was textual communication when you said “See you tomorrow” in text, when you were communicating with me. They'll just be like, “Free Hank”, because we said so; and the rest of us will be all like, “Well, we didn’t make t-shirts saying ‘Punish Hank’, (shrugs) so maybe we should free Hank.” No we shouldn’t free Hank. You committed a punishable offense and ye shall be punished.
However, ye vocal community that is the “Free Hank” movement has gotten me to thinking that maybe my punishment for you shouldn’t be so mean, as your punishments for me have been. So Hank, here’s your punishment; there’s the part that you’ll like: Peeps, and the part that you’ll hate: spending money. First, you will purchase 100 full sized Peeps, they can be pink, they can be yellow, they can be green, they can be whatever color you want, but they must be full-sized, and there must be 100 of them. According to the Internet, that’s going to cost you approximately $19, which I realized will be significantly more painful than waxing your chin, but I’m just getting started.
Then, in a six-minute period, you will eat as many Peeps as you can. Now, Hank, remember, I don’t want anyone to die during Brotherhood 2.0, it’s easy to aspirate on Peeps, please take your time, make sure you chew. Once the six-minute period has ended, you will count the Peeps you have not eaten, you will then distribute those Peeps to worthy recipients in the city of Missoula. Now here’s the catch, however many Peeps you don’t eat in that six-minute period, you will contribute that many dollars to a new bank account that I have set up. The bank account will be known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Fund For Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide, formerly known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Malitsa and Amy Concert Fund. Hank, we will use your contribution to this fund, and future contributions from us and possibly our viewers in order to increase the overall level of worldwide Awesomeness. For instance, maybe we’ll send Malitsa to a concert, and then after that, maybe we’ll help cure Malaria.
Hank, you can look at this as a punishment, but you can also look at is as a project. We’re starting something here, something important, something that is going to allow us to decrease the overall level of the World Suck. How much are we going to decrease Suck levels? That depends on how many Peeps you eat. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Hank, it just goes to show what a vocal minority can do, they can make it seem like you didn’t do anything wrong at all. Like, we’re crazy to think that it was textual communication when you said “See you tomorrow” in text, when you were communicating with me. They'll just be like, “Free Hank”, because we said so; and the rest of us will be all like, “Well, we didn’t make t-shirts saying ‘Punish Hank’, (shrugs) so maybe we should free Hank.” No we shouldn’t free Hank. You committed a punishable offense and ye shall be punished.
However, ye vocal community that is the “Free Hank” movement has gotten me to thinking that maybe my punishment for you shouldn’t be so mean, as your punishments for me have been. So Hank, here’s your punishment; there’s the part that you’ll like: Peeps, and the part that you’ll hate: spending money. First, you will purchase 100 full sized Peeps, they can be pink, they can be yellow, they can be green, they can be whatever color you want, but they must be full-sized, and there must be 100 of them. According to the Internet, that’s going to cost you approximately $19, which I realized will be significantly more painful than waxing your chin, but I’m just getting started.
Then, in a six-minute period, you will eat as many Peeps as you can. Now, Hank, remember, I don’t want anyone to die during Brotherhood 2.0, it’s easy to aspirate on Peeps, please take your time, make sure you chew. Once the six-minute period has ended, you will count the Peeps you have not eaten, you will then distribute those Peeps to worthy recipients in the city of Missoula. Now here’s the catch, however many Peeps you don’t eat in that six-minute period, you will contribute that many dollars to a new bank account that I have set up. The bank account will be known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Fund For Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide, formerly known as the Brotherhood 2.0 Malitsa and Amy Concert Fund. Hank, we will use your contribution to this fund, and future contributions from us and possibly our viewers in order to increase the overall level of worldwide Awesomeness. For instance, maybe we’ll send Malitsa to a concert, and then after that, maybe we’ll help cure Malaria.
Hank, you can look at this as a punishment, but you can also look at is as a project. We’re starting something here, something important, something that is going to allow us to decrease the overall level of the World Suck. How much are we going to decrease Suck levels? That depends on how many Peeps you eat. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Brotherhood 2.0, January 22, 2007
(Shot of John's shirt with the words: Haikus are easy/ But sometimes they don't make sense/ Refrigerator)
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, January 22nd. Thank you for this shirt. I love this shirt, and it is also an excellent motivator to continue losing weight. (whispers) It's a little tight!
(cut to John's face) Seriously it's my favorite shirt out of all the shirts I have ever owned. I was planning on starting the survey today, but unfortunately that's gonna have to wait until Wednesday. Hank, as you know I write books for teenagers, and the biggest award in the world of books for teenagers is this thing called the Printz Award, which is given out every year for literary excellence. Last night I received a call from the Printz Committee saying that my new book, An Abundance of Katherines, has been awarded a Printz honor for 2007. So, that was nice and really really unexpected.
Sarah didn't pick up the camera right when they called, but she picked it up shortly after. As a bonus you are about to hear the voice of the Yeti.
(cut to shot of John on phone) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, are you serious? Really? (pause) Hahahaha! They keep saying, they keep saying we're fucking serious. (The Yeti and John laugh) I can't believe it! Oh my God! Really? Wow! Wow! (pause with hand over mouth and shaking head) Oh my God, guys, I cannot, I can't believe this. Thank you guys so much, tha- thi- Wow. (happy jumping)
The Yeti: This is John's real Happy Dance.
(John no longer on phone) I'm just, like, all flustered. (dialing) I hope they're home.
The Yeti: They have phones.
John: I don't want to leave it in a message.
The Yeti: Yeah don't leave a message.
John: Hi it's John, Katherines got a Printz Honor, Katherines is one of the runners up for the Printz Awards, it gets the silver medal on it. I know! No, I'm serious. I can't believe it. Yeah, it's funny, we're recording it for the video blog, so it'll be hilarious on the blog. No I'm not shitting you, I I I am also, I am also surprised. (laughs) Oh my God, I can't believe it. Ah. No the committee, yeah the committee called me, they were very nice. They wouldn't tell me who won, though. Yeah, I can't believe it, so, pretty, pretty amazing, so yeah.
(Cut back to John not on phone) And finally Hank, I'd like to say thank you for the lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady John Green song, which is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me in my whole entire life. And by nice, I mean hilariously mean. Why is it I equate niceness and hilarious meanness? Oh, right, it's from growing up in our family. I'll see you tomorrow.
Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, January 22nd. Thank you for this shirt. I love this shirt, and it is also an excellent motivator to continue losing weight. (whispers) It's a little tight!
(cut to John's face) Seriously it's my favorite shirt out of all the shirts I have ever owned. I was planning on starting the survey today, but unfortunately that's gonna have to wait until Wednesday. Hank, as you know I write books for teenagers, and the biggest award in the world of books for teenagers is this thing called the Printz Award, which is given out every year for literary excellence. Last night I received a call from the Printz Committee saying that my new book, An Abundance of Katherines, has been awarded a Printz honor for 2007. So, that was nice and really really unexpected.
Sarah didn't pick up the camera right when they called, but she picked it up shortly after. As a bonus you are about to hear the voice of the Yeti.
(cut to shot of John on phone) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, are you serious? Really? (pause) Hahahaha! They keep saying, they keep saying we're fucking serious. (The Yeti and John laugh) I can't believe it! Oh my God! Really? Wow! Wow! (pause with hand over mouth and shaking head) Oh my God, guys, I cannot, I can't believe this. Thank you guys so much, tha- thi- Wow. (happy jumping)
The Yeti: This is John's real Happy Dance.
(John no longer on phone) I'm just, like, all flustered. (dialing) I hope they're home.
The Yeti: They have phones.
John: I don't want to leave it in a message.
The Yeti: Yeah don't leave a message.
John: Hi it's John, Katherines got a Printz Honor, Katherines is one of the runners up for the Printz Awards, it gets the silver medal on it. I know! No, I'm serious. I can't believe it. Yeah, it's funny, we're recording it for the video blog, so it'll be hilarious on the blog. No I'm not shitting you, I I I am also, I am also surprised. (laughs) Oh my God, I can't believe it. Ah. No the committee, yeah the committee called me, they were very nice. They wouldn't tell me who won, though. Yeah, I can't believe it, so, pretty, pretty amazing, so yeah.
(Cut back to John not on phone) And finally Hank, I'd like to say thank you for the lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady John Green song, which is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me in my whole entire life. And by nice, I mean hilariously mean. Why is it I equate niceness and hilarious meanness? Oh, right, it's from growing up in our family. I'll see you tomorrow.
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